Work Text:
“I swear to God, you need to either learn how to drive or handle taking the bus by yourself,” Vincent said while he tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. “I’m not your chauffeur!”
“I just happened to schedule my first date with Noriko on the one day out of the month you have nothing to do,” Baxter said, smarmily adjusting his glasses. “I mean, unless you plan to go clubbing again tonight to get high and forget about Val dumping you aga–”
“Val and I aren’t broken up, he’s just having a goddamn temper tantrum!” Vincent yelled, almost missing the fact that the red light in front of him turned green. “Besides, you should be siding with me in this whole debacle! He’s the one who slept with that slippery twink Angel behind my back!”
“I thought you two were in an open relationship.”
“That doesn’t fucking give him the liberty to fuck people I hate without permission!”
“Well, maybe that’s what you get by agreeing to an open relationship with a self-proclaimed ‘manwhore,’” Baxter said, rolling his eyes.
“FUCK YOU, KEEP TALKING SHIT AND I’M THROWING YOU INTO OPEN TRAFFIC–”
“RED LIGHT, YOU IDIOT, THE LIGHT TURNED RED!”
Vincent swiveled his gaze back to the road and frantically slammed on the brakes before he crashed into a truck barreling down the road perpendicular to them. Several car horns were activated at the sight of Vincent’s blunder, creating a cacophony of noise in the air. Many drivers shouted horrific slurs at Vincent, as per usual in a city like theirs.
Vincent and Baxter sat in the car in silence for two whole minutes after that, the light before them flashing a glaring red.
“I wish you didn’t exist,” Vincent muttered to break the silence.
The light turned green and Vincent sped past the intersection so he didn’t have to look at the judgmental pedestrians any longer.
“Blame our father for being a manwhore,” Baxter said, whipping out his phone so he can complain to Pendleton again.
“You didn’t have to drop me off in-person,” Baxter said with a huff after he and Vincent left the parking lot.
“I wanna see the girl my baby brother managed to trick into going out with him,” Vincent said. “What did you do, catfish her?”
“Noriko and I met in-person long before we scheduled this date!” Baxter cried out. “I told you two times already: we met as fellow online players of Roach Hunter and after many quests together, we learned we both went to the same school! After eating lunch together for at least a month, I finally asked her on a date!”
“Okay, but like . . . what’s wrong with her?” Vincent asked. “Was she subjected to a lobotomy in her youth or something?”
“I could say the same thing about Valentino,” Baxter said as he finally found the cafe he and Noriko agreed to meet at. “Lord knows he speaks like he’s missing parts of his frontal lobe.”
Vincent is about to get mad and shout a new line of curses into Baxter’s smug skull when he caught sight of Baxter’s apparent girlfriend, if he was judging the girl’s ebullient reaction to him and Baxter entering the cafe.
Noriko was a petite Asian girl who wore her dark brown hair in a cute, chin-length bob that flared outwards. Her eyes were so wide and sparkling (like, literal tiny stars surrounding her pupils) that Vincent wondered if she was wearing costume contact lenses. Noriko’s makeup was also rather gaudy, with exaggerated false eyelashes and heart-shaped gems plastered to her cheeks but judging from Baxter’s expression, he seemed to like it. For the date, she wore a bright red dress with a flouncy skirt and puffy sleeves, along with black stockings and shiny Mary Janes.
Vincent had never seen Baxter look so starstruck, not even when he was watching videos about underwater shipwreck explorers with his friend Pendleton.
“I didn’t know you liked Chinese girls,” Vincent muttered to himself.
“She’s Japanese, you ignoramus, you can tell by her name!” Baxter hissed quietly. “Ugh, a self-proclaimed genius and you’re about as ignorant as a redneck when it comes to the world map.”
“Baxter, over here!” Noriko cried out, waving her hand excitedly.
“Come on, I gotta meet this girl,” Vincent said and he ignored Baxter’s spluttering in order to make his way towards Noriko’s table.
And that’s when Vincent saw the most beautiful man he had ever seen on this mortal plane.
Next to Noriko was a man around his age, with copper-colored skin and a head of reddish-brown curls. He wore round glasses with delicate frames, along with a white shirt beneath a pin-striped maroon vest and dark slacks. His facial features were also delicate, like they had better business being found in a sepia-toned photo from the nineteenth century instead of the modern day. His eyes were dark and full of mischief, like they knew a secret that you didn’t. Even his hands were gorgeous, his digits slender and elegant like they were built to play piano!
Vincent honestly couldn’t stop looking at the man’s waist, too. It was so small that Vincent wondered if he wrapped his hands around it, his fingertips would touch . . .
Vincent froze in front of Noriko’s table, utterly shocked at the sight of such beauty.
The mysterious man took one look at Vincent and his lovely smiling expression twisted to that of a snarl. Which was also lovely, quite frankly.
“This is Baxter, Noriko?” the man said, angrily gesturing at Vincent, who still stood there limply like an idiot. “Oh no, I cannot abide by this. It’s one thing for him to be a man, sweetheart, but does he also have to be twice your age?”
“I-I-I’m not that old, I’m only twenty-seven,” Vincent stuttered.
“He’s also not Baxter!” Baxter cried out, immediately taking his place in front of Noriko’s table. He pushed Vincent out of the way and held out his hand for the mysterious man to shake. In his other hand, he held up his student ID. “I’m Baxter Whittman, thank you very much, and as you can see, I’m sixteen years old. Just like Noriko!”
“Oh, but you are still a man, so I cannot trust you with Noriko,” the man said, smiling blandly.
“B-B-But you’re also a man,” Vincent said, his tongue feeling like mush in his mouth.
“We call impoverished people who look down on their own kind ‘class traitors,’ consider me a ‘gender traitor,’” the man said. He took Baxter’s hand and briskly shook it. “I’m Alastor Touissant, Noriko’s adopted brother.”
Normally, Vincent wouldn’t like the term “gender traitor,” would’ve thought of it as “preachy” and “performative.” In his eyes, why should men be ashamed of being men? But somehow, the absurd idea came out sounding absolutely delightful when it came out of Alastor’s mouth.
“I’m Vincent Whittman, Baxter’s brother,” Vincent said, nervously holding out his hand for Alastor to shake.
Alastor raised an eyebrow and ignored the hand, forcing Vincent to put it down. “Quite a large age difference for brothers.”
“We’re only half-brothers, through our father,” Vincent said.
“Ooooo, but I can still tell you’re related!” Noriko said. She jittered in her seat like she was running on pure caffeine. “You have the same eyes and hair!”
“Well, we only have three eyes in common,” Baxter said, pointing out that only Vincent’s right eye matched the sky blue color of Baxter’s. “He clearly inherited the wonky genetics from elsewhere.”
“Meanwhile, he got the pipsqueak gene from elsewhere too,” Vincent retorted, placing a hand on top of Baxter’s hair to emphasize how short he was in comparison to Vincent. “Hope you don’t mind your children turning out tiny, Noriko.”
Noriko giggled, which made Baxter’s face turn as red as her dress. Vincent couldn’t believe it, but it looked like the girl more than just tolerated Baxter. She seemed actually attracted to him.
“Just so you know, our father obviously left his mother for mine,” Baxter said, trying to regain control of the narrative. “And if you met his mother, you’d understand why.”
“Yeah, you can tell he’s the affair baby, the insecurity over his own existence practically emanates off of him,” Vincent said, wrapping Baxter up in a headlock. His younger brother immediately began biting and scratching at him to let go.
“Hey, hands off my boyfriend!” Noriko exclaimed. “Only I get to manhandle him!”
She immediately got up out of her seat and seized Vincent’s arms with a surprising amount of strength. The girl looked as if she only weighed ninety pounds soaking wet and yet she could tear Vincent off of Baxter with a vice grip. Once Vincent was off, Noriko enveloped Baxter in a hug, pressing their cheeks together.
Baxter flushed bright red. “N-N-Noriko, we haven’t even started our first date yet, am I really allowed to call myself your boyfriend?”
“If you’re so reluctant to take the title, then you can kiss it goodbye!” Alastor said, rising up from his seat with a barely-restrained glee. “He doesn’t seem very interested, Noriko! Let’s just go back home!”
“Hey now, Baxter is just nervous,” Vincent said, immediately grabbing Alastor by the shoulders to keep him from separating the lovebirds. “He’s been looking forward to this all week.” Vincent lowered his voice for the next sentence. “It’s his first girlfriend, obviously.”
Alastor simply gave Vincent a cold glare and shook Vincent’s hands off of him, like the mere brush of skin revolted him. Vincent has never been more turned on in his life.
And that’s saying something, considering what Valentino made him experiment with in bed!
“It’s okay, Alastor,” Noriko said with a brilliant smile. “Even if Baxter doesn’t want to be my boyfriend, I’ll make him my boyfriend. He doesn’t have a choice in the matter!”
“W-W-What?” Vincent said but before he could question further, Noriko started dragging Baxter out of the cafe by the arm.
Vincent could only catch a brief glimpse of his baby brother’s face before the couple was gone and his expression was nothing short of lovestruck.
Can’t believe that nerd is having better luck in love than me, Vincent thought to himself before his gaze returned to a grumbling Alastor, who was packing up his things.
“So, uh, adopted?” Vincent said, desperate to start another conversation before the beautiful man left. “There’s an interesting story there, I bet!”
“My mother enjoys collecting orphans, so to speak,” Alastor said. “We have another brother named James, but I call him Husker. Anyways, I only brought up the ‘adoption’ bit because I figured you would ask something inane like ‘oh, how could the two of you be related’?”
“H-H-Hey, I wouldn’t have said anything if you didn’t bring it up,” Vincent said, knowing full well that was a lie. “Anyways, why the overprotectiveness over Noriko? Baxter is a weirdo, yeah, but he’s as harmless as a fly. The only red flag about him is that he’s obsessed with the Titanic for some reason. The boat, not the movie.”
“I’m not being overprotective, merely cautious. Noriko has been in bad relationships before,” Alastor said curtly, clearly not fond of being prodded like this. “I’m simply here to prevent such things from happening again.”
“Hey man, I relate! I also just got cheated on by a douche!” Vincent said, conveniently hiding the fact that he spent most of the day incessantly calling Valentino so he could demand (not beg, that’s the important bit!) that they get back together.
“Noriko has been through more than just cheating, you prick,” Alastor said through gritted teeth. He slung his satchel over his shoulder and attempted to walk past Vincent, who was now incessantly blocking him. “Anyways, I’m not meant to be here for long, I have to go.”
“Where are you going?” Vincent asked, feeling desperate. He couldn’t stand the idea of seeing this guy only once and never again. “Maybe I can walk you there.”
“I came here by motorcycle, I have no need for an escort,” Alastor said.
God, everything Vincent is learning about this guy only made him dreamier in his eyes.
“W-W-Well, can you at least tell me what’s making you so busy?” Vincent asked.
“I have a job interview at the Morning Star Radio Station that I can’t afford to be late to,” Alastor said, picking up the pace at which he left the cafe.
Wasn’t too fast for Vincent to catch up to him, though.
“I-I-I love listening to the radio, your voice would be perfect for it,” Vincent said. “Hey, are you going to be back here later to pick up Noriko? I’d love to see you again.”
“Ugh, I hope Noriko is dumping Baxter before the date ends,” Alastor said, rolling his eyes. He found his motorcycle in the parking lot and began putting on his helmet. “I don’t want you to have more excuses for us to cross paths.”
“Hey, look, I’m sorry for coming off so strong, it’s just . . . I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”
Vincent has never said anything more corny, not even in his attempts at sexting Valentino. But he meant every word of it.
Alastor froze and stared at Vincent for a few seconds before he started laughing. Vincent totally didn’t stare at the curve of Alastor’s elegant throat as the other man threw his head back.
Totally.
“You really are an amusing fellow, aren’t you?” Alastor said, looking at Vincent like he was a bug he could crush under his foot. “I must say, I’ve never heard anyone say something so corny in real life.”
“At least this means you’ll remember me?” Vincent said. “More than just ‘my sister’s nerdy boyfriend’s brother,’ right?”
“Well, I suppose I was already going to remember you, regardless,” Alastor said. “Your eyes . . . I’ve never seen anything like them before. They’ll certainly stick in my memory, long after I’ve forgotten the events of this day.”
Warmth suffused Vincent’s face at that. He never really liked the look of his eyes, especially when they rendered him forever asymmetrical (forever imperfect), but again, something about Alastor’s mouth made absurd ideas sound like good ones.
“I’m definitely coming back to pick up Baxter later, so I hope to see again in a few hours,” Vincent said.
Alastor sighed. “I have no choice, considering Husker’s driver license got suspended for too many DUIs. I suppose I will see you later then, Whittman.”
Vincent’s smile grew bright as he watched Alastor get onto his motorcycle and drive out of the parking lot. He considered it a sign of good faith that Alastor didn’t attempt to run him over in the process (though he might not even have minded that).
While lost in his dreamy romantic haze, Vincent felt his phone buzz to life in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw two unread text messages from Valentino at the top of his notifications.
valentino: okkkkkk, you know what, i changed my mind, i DO want you back, babyyyyyy
valentino: come over after you pick up your dumb brother, i want your big fat cock in me again, papi
“ . . . fuck,” Vincent muttered to himself.
He wondered how bad of a person he must be that even though he’s pretty sure he just met the love of his life, he still kind of wanted his toxic situationship back.