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As Alastor stepped into the bar, he was immediately hit with the sting of the warm interior, a huge contrast from the freezing outside he had just been walking in. He sighed quietly, taking his numb hands out of the pocket of his trenchcoat and letting them clasp in front of him so they could soak in the heat of the bar. They lightly burned as they left his pockets, still used to the sensation of the wind furiously attacking them only a few seconds ago.
It had been winter for a little over three weeks now, meaning most of the snow had melted but the cold was most definitely still present. Still, Alastor didn't let the weather keep him from visiting the local bar for a drink or two, especially now that he'd turned these trips into a daily routine for the past few months.
Just like he had every night since this year's hot season, Alastor made his way towards his usual stool, making sure to politely nod to any familiar faces lounging around.
Finally, he had reached his seat, but instead of sitting down, he froze.
Just as he was about to grab the edge of the stool to pull it out and sit in it, his eye caught the face of a man from across the room. His square body, greying hair, and differently colored eyes were all too familiar to him yet somehow simultaneously they felt so new and unknown. Alastor was certain he knew this man, but he wasn't sure what version he was gazing upon.
Determined to not be seen by the man, Alastor bowed his head and threw his elbows on the bar table so his arms could cover his face, manners he usually looked down upon.
As he pretended to study the non-existent menu that was supposed to appear as if it were under his head, Alastor's mind was begging and praying to whatever divine force would listen that the man he had seen wouldn't notice his presence. He didn't bother to question what the man was even doing at the bar considering he had moved away a few years ago, no, all Alastor could think about was how strongly he dreaded the idea of having to face the man again.
"Alastor?" Came a familiar voice, muffled by the head covering Alastor had made out of his arms.
Shit, Alastor thought.
Filled with dread, Alastor brought his head up to face the man who was now standing over him. "Hello, Vincent."
Running his hands through his hair, Vincent's expression of mild surprise was replaced with a sad smile. "Wow... Alastor... I haven't seen you since... forever," Vincent breathed, hesitating a little as he tried to count how long it had been. Alastor knew it had been five years since his old friend had moved away, however, it had been longer than that since they'd truly seen eachother if you didn't count the few half-assed meet-ups that had occured sometime before Vincent's departure.
"Yes, it's been... A while..." Alastor muttered.
Letting out a weak laugh, Vincent took the chair closest to Alastor. "Well... How- how are you? How have you been since I left?"
Alastor's eyes, despite his efforts to keep them firmly fixated on the table, kept finding their way to gaze upon Vincent's features again. Just like they had only a few minutes earlier when Alastor spotted him from across the room, he particularly noticed his body, his hair, and his eyes.
When the two were only children, Alastor remembered Vincent had sported a slim, soft build. He had always looked unassuming, weak, and anything but threatening for almost as long as Alastor had known him. However, as Alastor's eyes traced his body under his overcoat, he had clearly grown more muscular and displayed a more square body shape. It was still clearly Vincent, but it felt different, much like the unique feeling air that Vincent brought with him.
Vincent's hair had also caught Alastor's eye. Alastor always knew his hair to be a dark brown until midway through their friendship and Vincent's talk show host career that he had decided to dye it black for a "sharper, cooler look" as Vincent had described it. Now, it seemed like he had abandoned the dye and let his now gray-streaked hair be shown.
The last thing that Alastor couldn't keep himself from staring at was Vincent's eyes, which, thankfully, Alastor could justify gazing at. Alastor had been there for every crisis Vincent had about his strange, different-colored eyes. He was there when Vincent used to grow out his hair long enough to hopefully cover his eyes. He was there when Vincent had been estatic after learning colored contacts were a thing and subsequently upset when he learned they were extremely uncomfortable and only for cinematic use. Now, Vincent's eyes had a new glint to them, one of confidence that hadn't been there before.
Everything about him was new, fresh, rebirthed. There were still traces of the man Alastor knew throughout their whole childhood and much of their adult life, but they were mixed with an overwhelming wave of unfamiliar traits that he must've picked up during their years apart.
"I've been fine. Same as always, I suppose," Alastor replied, knowing damn well it was not the same as always. He'd become an new person since Vincent's departure, which might've contributed to his dread towards meeting Vincent again. After trying to erase any trace of his friendship with the man so he could move on with his life, it made sense that he would be worried to see him. "What about you, old pal?"
Vincent grinned as if he was excitedly waiting for Alastor to ask that. "It's been pretty good! The people up there are so much better than the assholes around here. I've even made friends with two new colleagues, Valentino and Velvette. I bet they'd love to meet you."
Alastor internally let out a sigh of relief. He was glad Vincent had found new companions. The man deserved real friendship, especially after having been stuck with a horrible friend like Alastor for all those years. Whether Vincent intentionally meant to say that or not, Alastor knew he was one of the "assholes" Vincent was referring to.
"That's wonderful," Alastor said.
"Oh, by the way, I'm sorry for being so irritating back when we were friends... I know I could be really clingy and I'd never leave you alone," Vincent apologized, fidgeting with his fingers nervously as he admitted his past mistakes. "I regret being so annoying. I promise I won't pull any of that again."
Why was Vincent apologizing to Alastor? Sure, Vincent spoke the truth about being a little overbearing, however, he shouldn't have to owe him an apology. If anything, Alastor should be the one begging for forgiveness, as he was the one who would dismiss and ignore all of Vincent's attempts to connect. Did Vincent simply forget about Alastor's disregarding or was he waiting for Alastor to be the one to bring it up with a following apology?
"Oh, don't worry, I wasn't... The best either," was all Alastor managed to say.
You fucking coward, he thought, can you really not give him a real apology, or are you too self-centered for that? I thought you said you changed when he left. It seems like you're same narcissistic prick you've always been.
Vincent cleared his throat, changing the subject. "I'm only going to be here for a few more days before I have to head back. I have another work trip here scheduled for next month, though! My producer wanted the next episode of the talk show to be an exclusive interview with a certain independent radio host," he teased, playful elbowing Alastor.
Alastor blankly blinked at Vincent. "You want to interview me?"
"Of course!" Vincent exclaimed, smiling again. "We want to hear from you personally the details about your journey of becoming a famous radio host! Don't you think it would be amazing if the both of us were on a show together?"
"Oh... Well, I suppose."
"I just wish the recording day wasn't so far away. After I leave, I won't see you for another three weeks. We could occasionally talk through the telephone until then, though," Vincent proposed.
The two used to talk on the telephone for hours on end when they were friends. That was, until, Alastor got fed up with the constant calls and he would start not answering them, favoring being by himself. After a while, Vincent finally stopped trying to call, as he knew there was no point. Knowing all that, Alastor was surprised he was now offering the idea of talking through calling again. Of course he would answer now, as he felt guilty for all those years of ignoring him, however he was perplexed by the idea that Vincent was willing to try again what had failed so many times.
"If you're scheduled for a visit next month, why are you here now?" Alastor asked, now realizing he hadn't bothered to wonder the reason for his return.
"Oh! I suppose I just... Couldn't wait. I wanted to see you," Vincent admitted. "I was planning to give you a call tomorrow, but I just happened to run in to you today."
Alastor fell silent. This was all so much. He had gotten used to years of radio silence between the two of them, and now Vincent was suddenly trying to reform a connection. Alastor had to admit he had longed for a second chance at the friendship that he ruined, but he hadn't expected it to be randomly given to him during his usual bar visit. By now he had accepted the fact that he fucked up and couldn't fix it, but suddenly Vincent was challenging that belief.
"I see," Alastor responded. "I've... Been waiting for your return, as well."
Vincent's eyes fell to the floor as he reached for the back of his neck. For a second he was quiet, only his breathing was audible against the background buzz of the bar, until he sat up and gestured towards the bartender, who had yet to take any order from the two. "Barkeep, can we get two shots of whiskey over here?" He called out, perhaps attempting to interrupt the conversation now that it had turned a little awkward.
Whilst the two stayed silent, waiting for their drinks, Alastor was lost in his thoughts again.
"I've been waiting for your return"? Have you really? He pondered, questioning the sincerity of what he had said. He supposed some of it was true, part of him did want to see Vincent once again, but he had almost fully convinced himself that he was glad Vincent was gone so he didn't have to face the consequences of his actions. Vincent's absense also meant Alastor didn't have to constantly face a living reminder of what an asshole he had been. But of course, now that reminder was back, and all he could think about was what a horrible excuse for a friend he had been.
Now Alastor was torn. He didn't want to try and rekindle their relationship when Vincent knew too much about how shitty he had been. He wanted to push Vincent away to ensure he would never have to see his proof of failure again. However, he had already pushed him away before, and doing it once more would prove that he didn't change, which is everything he didn't want to do.
Suddenly, his thoughts were interrupted as two full shot glasses were slid across the table and towards the two of them.
Vincent picked up his glass and took a sip, preparing to strike up conversation again. "So... Have you found anyone you have the hots for yet?"
"No, not really." Alastor sighed, dragging his finger across the rim of his cup. "I suppose you're bringing this up because you have something along those lines to share?" He inquired, loosley gesturing towards Vincent.
Cupping his hands around the glass, Vincent laughed to himself. He most definitely had brought that up because he had something to share. "Yeah, well..." He rubbed the back of his neck again. "Remember when I mentioned my colleagues, Valentino and Velvette? Well, a little while ago, me and Val hit it off pretty quickly, and have been keeping company ever since. He's a wonderful man."
Alastor perked up slightly when he heard Vincent say "man". It was so strange for him to shamelessly admit he was going steady with a man. Alastor had endured years of Vincent going through denial that he felt attraction towards the same gender. It took years for him to finally understand and accept that part of him. Now it seemed like he finally came to terms with it.
"Oh, well good for you," Alastor congratulated, his voice coming out accidentally a little tense as if he was forcing out those words. He hadn't meant to sound so disapproving, he really was happy for his old friend.
Fuck, now he wasn't sure. Why was Alastor feeling so uneasy about this?
His mind reached for and grabbed onto a memory that began to reply in his head. It had been a long time ago, when they were still children, when the two were very close, and before any drifting apart and pushing away had began. Alastor recalled sitting on the edge of Vincent's bed, moonlight pouring through the uncovered window. The evening before had consisted of scurrying around outside, and now that it was late at night, they were quiet again.
Alastor couldn't remember what conversation they had stemmed from, but he did remember turning to Vincent and laughing about the fact that he felt as if he would never find someone to go out with. He listed off reason after reason, contradiction after contradiction, and ended with admitting he had pretty much accepted the fact that he'd be by himself when he was older. Then, Vincent had laughed mischievously, jokingly putting forth the proposition that he Alastor could hit it off because technically, Vincent could fit those reason and contradictions Alastor had brought up. The two had laughed about it, brushing it off as a joke.
But, years later, now with Vincent only inches from him, Alastor was beginning to question the sincerity of that joke. It had been a joke, at least on Vincent's end, but did it have to be?
Now Alastor was begining to remember all those times in their friendship that they had made jokes like that. Playfully flirting, pretending to be a couple, jokingly calling eachother pet names, all for the fun of it. It never meant anything, it was all just a big jokes.
But, fuck, did it have to mean nothing? God, now that he actually took a second to think about it, he realized that if he hadn't ignored and pushed Vincent away, then maybe it could've developed into something more. Maybe eventually it wouldn't be a joke anymore, maybe one day it would actually mean something. After all, Vincent was right, he did fit all those reasons.
Alastor was certain he didn't want that sort of relationship out of them now, he simply didn't feel that way. However, there's a chance he could've if only they had stayed close.
There's no use thinking about it now. Your chance is long gone.
"Alright, well I better start heading out," Vincent announced, standing up from his seat and snapping Alastor out of his thoughts.
Alastor began to reach for his arm, but pulled his hand back. He didn't want Vincent to leave. He was actually beginning to enjoy their catching up, he didn't want it to end so soon. "You- you haven't even finished your drink?" He pointed out, attempting to have a reason to make his old friend stay.
Vincent grabbed his glass and downed the rest of it quickly before setting it down and saying, "I have now."
Falling silent, Alastor sat back down. What was he doing? Their friendship ended with Alastor leaving and Vincent trying anything he could to get him to stay, and now he was the one trying to keep Vincent there. Sure, the situations weren't quite the same, but the irony still hurt.
"Can you put both of these on my tab?" Vincent asked the bartender as he pushed in his stool, preparing to leave.
Fuck, Alastor, you're so pathetic...
"Alright, well, I'll see you later. Thanks for the chat, Al," Vincent said as he made his way towards the door.
"Thanks to you as well, Vinny," Alastor said as he watched Vincent flash him one more smile before stepping out into the cold, leaving Alastor to sit at the bar alone.
What the hell was all that?