Work Text:
"I think Svetlana knows."
Startled by the noise, Shane looked up from his phone and angled his head up at Ilya. They had only been at the cottage for a week and a half, and Shane already dreaded when it would come to an end, but in their time there they had established a routine of sorts.
Shane loved waking up next to Ilya and counting the moles on his body in the glistening sunlight until the other man stirred. He loved prepping meals with Ilya coming up behind him to put his hands on his waist and give a peck to his neck, loved going for swims in the afternoon after the sun had heated up the lake throughout the day, and still complaining how cold Ilya was, when he would come out of the water to wrap his arms around him.
But the thing he surprisingly enjoyed the most was the evenings when they would each do their own things. Shane would do the dishes while Ilya played video games on the couch, and even though Shane normally hated the feeling of being perceived while doing chores, he didn't seem to mind with Ilya. In fact, it gave him comfort to know the other man was there. It was all weirdly domestic, just existing in each other's space, and it made his stomach tingle with happiness.
Sometimes they would just sit on the couch in silence, both on their own phones, Ilya’s back leaned against the sofa cushion and Shane leaned against him, their legs up on the couch and tangled up in each other.
This was what they had been doing now until Ilya spoke up.
Shane looked at him, confused. "What do you mean you think she knows?"
"She made comment, after my father's funeral. She definitely knows you’re a man, and she’s very smart. It does not take -what do you call it?- genius! to get from Jane to Shane."
"Okay?" Shane said, stretching the a on his tongue. "Why are you telling me this now? Do you think she would-"
"No, no, she would never tell!!" Ilya interrupted him immediately. "I was just thinking it was really nice meeting your parents. Not the part where your dad saw us. But you know? After."
Shane smiled. "It was." He said and intertwined his hand with Ilya’s. "You know I don't speak with anyone home in Russia. But Svetlana, she is like family, and I thought maybe you could meet her."
Shane visibly flinched. Over the last couple days Ilya had told him more about Svetlana, and he understood that their friendship went far deeper and further back than just the hookups, but every time Ilya brought her up he couldn't help but replay, I could marry Svetlana, in his mind, and his whole body recoiled.
Ilya seemed to notice because he started drawing circles on the back of his hand with his thumb. "Svetlana and me, it's not like that. Not like us. She is very old friend and has always been there for me. But I know we have history, so if you don't want to-"
"No," Shane said before he could think.
He thought back on how good it had felt to be able to be open about Ilya in front of his parents, to be in a room with the people he loved most. It was only natural that Ilya wanted that too, and it wasn't like he had anyone else left. He deserves this, Shane told himself before saying, "I would love to meet her."
"Yeah?" Ilya asked through a smile.
"Yeah." Shane nodded before leaning back against Ilya's chest.
-
The new season had only started a couple weeks ago, but Ilya was already counting down the days to the next Boston-Montreal game. He couldn't remember how he and Shane managed to only see each other a few times a year for so long.
Ilya shuffled comfortably into the blanket on his bed and listened to the agitated russian murmurs coming from Svetlana next to him. Apparently his face must have been doing something, because she glanced at him and interrupted her commentary on the hockey game they were currently watching.
"Is this about Jane?" She turned to her side to fully look at him. "You look like a love-sick puppy."
"I don't do love-sick." He tried to go for indignant, but it didn't come out quite convincing.
Svetlana just rolled her eyes. "Sure, that's why you have been yearningly staring at the ceiling the entire game." She studied Ilya's face. "Has he done something to hurt you? Because, Ilyusha, I swear-"
"No, Sveta, no-" Ilya sighed. "We are together actually. I just, uhm- I miss him."
Svetlana’s face shifted. "Took you long enough. You have been pining over this man for seven years."
Ilya softly punched her shoulder. "I was not that bad."
"Oh please. Remember when I caught you watching that documentary? You were whipped, and don't even get me started on the Rose Landry thing. What was up with that anyway-"
She stopped.
They had never openly talked about the fact that Svetlana knew. Well, she knew Jane was a guy, of course, but Jane had always kept being Jane and was never, well… Shane.
"Since when did you know?" Ilya asked.
"I had my suspicions, but I was waiting for you to tell me when you were ready."
He just nodded. "I was scared. I never thought I could have this. And I always knew it was stupid and risky. I do know that. But then father died, and he got hurt, and fucking Scott Hunter happened-"
"Oh, Ilyusha-" Svetlana scooched closer to him. "You don't have to explain. You can't choose who you fall in love with, and I can see- could see- that you love him very much. I get why you didn't tell me, but sometimes I wish you would let me be there for you more, so you don't have to go through the scary things alone."
Ilya sighed and turned his head back towards the ceiling. "I really don't deserve you."
"You have to stop saying that, or I will tell your boyfriend how low you think of yourself. I bet Shane Hollander wouldn't agree with you."
They lay in silence for a while.
"I want you to meet him," Ilya finally said.
"When?" she just asked.
"We play against Montreal in two weeks."
Svetlana nodded. "I will be there."
Ilya leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. "Thank you." he whispered.
"Oh, don't thank me yet. I know all kinds of embarrassing childhood stories about you that would make very good entertainment."
"You wouldn't dare-" Ilya let out a huff.
"Clearly you don't know me as well as you think you do, Ilyushka." Svetlana giggled and turned to shuffle under the blanket on her side of the bed.
-
"What are you so on edge about? The game is over."
Shane looked over at Hayden, who had just left the shower and now joined him in changing back into his clothes. They had lost 3–2 for Boston, and he still felt salty about it.
"Uhm, nothing," he mumbled. "My mom told me about a potential new sponsorship deal."
God, he was terrible at lying. Frankly, he didn't know how Ilya and he had made it this far without being discovered. He knew he wanted to tell the team eventually- well, about him. Telling them about him and Ilya would be an entirely different thing.
"Is this about your Boston girl? Dude, you seriously have to chill. You are always so weird when it comes to her." Hayden obviously didn't seem convinced by his excuse either.
"Can you not-" Shane looked around them, but it didn't seem like any of their teammates had followed their conversation. "Yeah, I'm meeting her tonight. You happy now?" He hushed while stuffing the rest of his belongings in his bag.
"Seriously bro, you have been seeing this girl for over six years. Whatever it is, I promise you, I would get over it." Hayden turned to him. "Unless, of course, she's a Boston fan."
It was an obvious joke, but Shane flinched on his way out of the locker room.
"Wait, is she?" Hayden was talking louder again now, and a few heads turned in their direction.
"Goodbye, Hayden. Love you." Shane just said while walking out the door.
"Yeah, yeah, love you too, dude. Don't have too much fun without me." he heard behind him before he made his way down the corridor.
Shane took an Uber until a block away from Ilya's house and walked the rest. The fresh air cleared his head a bit, but he still felt tense. He kept telling himself over and over that there was no reason to be. He was on his way to finally see his boyfriend in person after over a month, and would also meet his childhood best friend, who he used to hook up with.
He sighed and pulled the hood of his jacket further down before entering the street Ilya lived in. The light in the house was already on when he arrived, and he could hear laughter from inside before knocked on the door.
Was Svetlana already there? Of course she would be. She could drive up directly to Ilya's house and didn't have to walk around in the cold out of fear of being seen. The thought twisted something ugly inside of him, but he wasn't able to dwell on it because the door in front of him opened and he was staring up at Ilya, who had the biggest smile on his face.
As soon as the door closed behind them, Ilya threw his arms around him. "Shane, moy lyubimyy, I missed you," he mumbled into his neck before leaning up to kiss him, and for a short while Shane was so lost in the moment that he forgot all about Svetlana.
Until he heard somebody clear their throat behind them.
"I see you're happy to see each other. I wish someone would greet me that way." The woman who he assumed was Svetlana smiled at them from across the hallway, and Shane had to try very hard not to blush at the thought that she presumably just watched them make out for an entire minute.
"Davay pomyagche. On nervnichayet iz-za takikh veshchey." Ilya was jabbing something in Russian at Svetlana that made her smile turn into a mischievous grin.
"Ya zhe skazala, chto tebe budet stydno iz-za menya." she answered in a cheeky tone before Ilya took his hand and pulled him in the direction of the kitchen.
"Sveta, this is my boyfriend Shane. Shane, this is my best friend Svetlana."
Ilya introduced them, and Shane tried to focus on the happy feeling he got every time Ilya called him his boyfriend and not on how utterly gorgeous Svetlana was.
Shane had always imagined her with long blonde hair, pale skin, and eyes as blue as Ilya's, but the face that smiled at him from across the room was framed by ginger-dyed curls. Svetlana had dark skin and plump lips and was looking stunning even in simple jeans and a black hoodie.
"Hi." He held out his hand in a desperate attempt to not look as intimidated as he felt right now. "It's very nice to meet you, Shane Hollender," Svetlana said in flawless english with barely an accent. She looked him up and down before taking his hand and shaking it. "I have heard much about you."
Shane shot Ilya a glare, to which he immediately chimed in to the conversation.
"I haven't told her a lot. She is just -how do you say?- obsessed with hockey. Almost as much as you. Predicts every loss or win."
Ilya had already told Shane that Svetlana’s father used to be a famous goalie for the Russian team, so the information didn't really surprise him, but it made him think nonetheless.
Here was Svetlana, an absolutely beautiful woman who knew everything about hockey and shared Ilya's culture and language. He couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy in his chest.
Ilya seemed to notice because he gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before moving further into the kitchen.
"I didn't have time to cook after game, but I ordered food from fancy restaurant." Ilya pointed at the already set table. "Don't worry, detka, yours respects your boring macrobiotic diet." He smiled at him. "There is also ginger ale in the fridge if you want some."
Shane nodded, and Ilya moved towards the fridge, which momentarily left him alone with Svetlana.
"So," she said while sinking down onto one of the chairs around the table, "he keeps your favorite drink, knows your diet. What are you doing for my Ilyusha?"
Shane froze.
"I'm just kidding." She looked up at him. "He was very nervous for this, made sure to get everything right."
Shane still didn't know what to say. Svetlana must have picked up on it because she changed the subject.
"How do you feel about the game tonight? The second period looked rough-"
Hockey. Okay, he could do that.
"Yeah, I had better games," he agreed.
"But you still scored one goal and assisted the other." Ilya put the ginger ale down on the table in front of them and pulled out the remaining chair.
"If you wouldn't be on Metro team, they would lose every time."
Shane knew it was meant as a compliment, but he wasn’t going to let anyone take a shot at his team. He turned to Ilya and smirked.
"Oh, so that explains why I won two Cups since I joined them and you only have one."
Ilya chuckled, but before he could tease back, Svetlana chirped in.
"Shane is right. The Metros are better than you give them credit for, Ilyushka. But that was the last years. This season you have been lacking a good defense."
Shane felt anger coil up inside of him, which he knew was entirely uncalled for since this was, in fact, a problem they had been going over a lot in training recently. It was one thing when Ilya and he teased each other, but Svetlana calling his team out like that made his temper rise.
"I wouldn't agree with that-"
Why was he defending something that he knew was a problem himself?
"The third goal fell in the last minute. We were tied before that. Our teams had an equal chance at winning."
"But you lost because of your defe-"
"What the fuck do you even know-"
"Okay, that's enough!!" They were both interrupted by Ilya.
"Sveta, uspokoysya!" He gave Svetlana a side glance. "Maybe we should change topic, yes?"
For a while they just ate in silence.
Shane felt Ilya's left hand come up to rest on his thigh under the table. He still felt irrationally mad and didn't dare start a conversation, but Ilya's soothing touch calmed him down a bit. He gave him a quick smile before poking around in his food again.
"You guys really are adorable." Of course, it was Svetlana who broke the silence and spoke first.
"So how did this all happen? I have been dying to know, but Ilya barely told me anything."
Maybe because it's none of your business, Shane thought, but bit back the urge to say it out loud.
"We met at Junior World Cup, but you know that." Ilya gave him a soft look before he continued. "Hooked up the first time after commercial shoot. Summer before our rookie season."
Svetlana gave a low whistle. "I knew this was going on for a long time, but I didn't know it was that long. I thought you only started texting 'Jane' in -what was it?- like 2011?"
"Yeah, we only exchanged numbers later. We wanted to meet up again soon, but then there was this snowstorm and the game got canceled, so we started texting and-"
"Snowstorm in 2011?"
"I think so. Probably."
"Why?" Shane interrupted.
"It's nothing. I just remembered something. So you started texting and...?" Svetlana tried to steer the conversation back.
Shane glanced between Ilya and Svetlana.
"Oh, I get it. You two hooked up when Ilya was supposed to meet me."
"Shane-" Ilya shot him a look, but all his restraint had broken.
"No, that's actually really funny. You should tell me more about that." He knew he shouldn't have said it, but it was out before he could stop himself.
"I should go." Svetlana stood up, her food unfinished.
"Vam, rebyata, nuzhno pogovorit'. Ne bud' s nim slishkom strog. Mne nuzhno bylo luchshe starat'sya. Izvini. Sozvonimsya potom, ladno?" She addressed Ilya in russian, gathering her stuff. Ilya just nodded at her.
Somehow not being able to understand what was said made Shane even angrier.
"Care to include me, or are you talking about your sex life?"
"Shane, what the fuck are you doing? I told you this was important to me and you- you're just-" Ilya's voice got louder and louder before english left him and he let out a series of what Shane assumed were russian curses.
Svetlana looked between the two of them.
"Spasibo za uzhin, Ilyusha. Pogovorim pozzhe." She gave Ilya a very quick hug before addressing him.
"Shane, walk me outside, would you?"
He gave Ilya an exasperated look, but the other man just had something tired and empty in his eyes. He nodded in the direction Svetlana had left towards the door. "You heard her."
When Shane reached the door, Svetlana had just finished putting her coat and shoes on. She looked back towards the kitchen. "Let's talk outside, okay? You can be mad at me all you want, just hear me out real quick."
Shane didn't know what he was supposed to say, so he just slipped on his own shoes and followed her outside.
As soon as the door closed behind them and they were standing alone in the dark driveway, Svetlana started talking.
"Let me start with this. You are an amazing hockey player and a good team captain. I really enjoy watching your games and was excited to talk about it. I'm sorry if I offended you."
Svetlana shifted from one foot to her other.
"I'm sure Ilya has talked to you about us before, but just so we are completely clear, I am not and was never in love with Ilya. And he is not with me. He is my best friend, and I would like for it to stay that way. Yes, we had sex because it was fun and sometimes just because we were bored. But we both always knew that if one of us would ever have a serious relationship or for whatever other reason wouldn't want to do it anymore, we would stop, no questions asked."
She pushed back a curl that had fallen into her face.
"I get that it must feel weird and uncomfortable for you, and I'm sorry. I could have handled the situation better. But I can promise you Ilya is absolutely in love with you, and from the way you acted in there I can tell you feel the same. I know you two are very important to each other, and I don't want to be the person to jeopardize that."
She stopped to take a breath, and Shane felt like an absolute asshole. He knew how important this was for Ilya, and here he was fucking everything up, and Svetlana of all people was being fucking nice to him about it.
"I'm sorry too. Fuck, I was an absolute jerk. And just for the record, you are right, we do have a problem with our defense line. I just-" Shane couldn't even begin to explain the turmoil of emotions that had been flooding through him for the whole evening.
"It's okay. You should explain this to Ilyusha, not me."
"Why are you so nice to me?" Shane blurted out before he could stop himself.
"I've known Ilya for a very long time. He is happy with you, maybe the happiest I've ever seen him. That's more than reason enough for me to assume you are a good person and give you more than one chance, Shane Hollender."
Shane just looked at her. "I- uhm-"
"Just so you know, I think we could get along great. You are very passionate about hockey, and we both care for Ilya. I think that's a good common ground." She smiled at Shane.
Fuck. Ilya. He really, really needed to talk to Ilya.
"Thank you for this, really. Again, I'm so sorry. I should-" He gestured towards the door. "I should really-"
"Yeah, you should. Goodbye, Shane." And with that, Svetlana disappeared down the driveway into the dark.
-
Ilya was putting away the leftover food when Shane walked back into the kitchen. He didn't need to look at Ilya to know that he was mad.
"Ilya, I'm so sorry I behaved like an asshole, I didn't mean to, I just-" he still wasn't able to describe what he was feeling.
"You just what? Explain it to me, Hollander, because to me it seems like you didn't even try to get along with her." Ilya walked over to him.
"Of course I tried."
"It sure didn't seem like it. Fuck i don't- Are you seriously afraid I would cheat on you?" Ilya was in his space now.
"What? No, Ilya- I know you would never."
"But you don't trust me."
"Of course I do." Shane was beginning to hate his brain for not being able to put into words how he felt. He wasn't even sure if he knew it himself.
"Then tell me why the fuck you were acting like I was about to jump Svetlana every second." Ilya was clearly getting frustrated and impatient.
"We fucked, I get it. Get over it."
Suddenly all the regret he was feeling was replaced by anger again. "Get over it?! How would you like it if I invited you to dinner with Rose?"
"That's different."
"How the fuck is that different?" They were almost screaming at each other now.
"I told you, Svetlana is family."
"Oh really, because I don't fuck my family."
That got Ilya to shut up. He clenched his lips.
"You agreed to this," Ilya finally said. "I did not force you to come, you knew this upfront."
And that really was the thing- he did have doubts about this whole thing from the very start, but he wanted to try because he knew it was important to Ilya, so why the fuck wasn't he able to just pull himself together?
"You said you would marry her." Shane said it so quiet that it was almost a whisper.
"I- I can't marry a woman."
Ilya's gaze finally softened a bit. "Shane, what? I don't understand."
And suddenly everything clicked into place. "I can't marry a woman. Well, I can, but… not like you. You can just have this. Someone like Svetlana. A gorgeous, smart woman, who can just drive up to your house whenever she wants, who you can go out with, who you can be seen with and no one would bat an eye."
"Hollander, what are you talking about?" Ilya looked genuinely confused.
"Do you think it didn't bother me seeing you with Rose Landry, seeing her wear your jersey to your game, seeing you dance with her in public after two fucking weeks like it was not all I wanted for years? But you know we can't have that."
"No. I can't have that. You can." Shane tried to look anywhere but Ilya's face, desperate not to let the tears that had formed in his eyes fall.
"Seeing you with Svetlana, imagining you with her, you can have that. But for me it- it doesn't work like that. I would be miserable. I was miserable. With Rose."
"Blyat', ty real'no ne ponimayesh', da?" Ilya mumbled under his breath in russian, and then in english he said, "I would be miserable because it wouldn't be you."
And Shane didn't know what to say to that, so he just launched himself at Ilya and kissed him.
He didn't know when the tears had started flowing, but when they broke apart Ilya used his thumb to wipe his cheek.
"I like women and I like men, yes?" His voice was almost a whisper. "But I cannot choose who I fall in love with. And I fell in love with you. I thought you knew this. Only one person. Remember?"
Shane sniffed and thought back to the conversation they had with his parents."I do know, it's just today I saw you with her and it all suddenly overwhelmed me. I was jealous, of you being with somebody else but also of how much easier it would be to be with her. I knew how important this was to you and I behaved like an absolute asshole. I'm sorry. I love you."
Ilya sighed and nuzzled his face in Shane's hair. "Ya tozhe tebya lyublyu, and I'm sorry also. I should have thought more about how this would make you feel." He gave him a quick kiss onto his scalp before he released him. "Let's go to bed, yeah? It's been a lot."
-
Shane woke up first the next morning, his back pressed against Ilya's chest and Ilya's arms wrapped around him. He turned to face Ilya and watched him slowly stir awake.
"I thought about it again…"
"Shane, is very early. Thought about what?"
"What we talked about yesterday." Shane's voice was soft. "I think we can do it. Be together openly. Not now, of course, not for a long time maybe, and that does still feel insanely unfair. But we have the plan, right? And eventually we can get there."
"You truly believe that?" Ilya's voice was rough with sleep.
"I do. If fucking Scott Hunter can do it, so can we."
"Yeah," Ilya yawned, "We are definitely better than Scott Hunter."