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The plan was, at its core, very stupid.
Kris could deal with that. They were a young adult with very little impulse control, reeling from a period of time where they had scant control over anything in their life without putting in tremendous effort, with a best friend that only encouraged those impulses. In the time following…well, the world almost ending, they had gone through with many very stupid, very impulsive plans.
But, standing in front of a huge dormitory building, with nothing but the determination to right all wrongs, they were beginning to realize just how stupid this was.
So, how did they end up here?
Well, they certainly weren’t here for school. When Kris’s once-miniscule class of nine, turned eventually larger class of twenty (accounting for all the Darkners that decided to attend class), all graduated high school, they accepted their diploma not knowing shit nor fuck what they wanted to do with life. Some of their friends had inklings of an idea--dreams to aspire to, new ventures brought forth, familial expectations to maintain--and were following through with that. Noelle got accepted into a very nice all-women’s college somewhere in Maryland to study English with a minor in Women’s Studies and Film, determined to take her knowledge to write and direct the world’s gnarliest horror movie (something that would really knock Dess’s socks off, had she been around to see it). Meanwhile, Jockington was going to PSU on a Track and Field scholarship, where he would somehow have to find meaning without Catti around to wear him like a fashionable belt. She chose to stay more local, moving to the bigger city nearby to work at the crystal shop she spent most of her diner-cash at in her youth. Some chose to stay in Hometown, while others sought out adventures in other towns, other cities, other states.
In terms of the Fun Gang? Well, they pretty much all stayed put. Susie was working two jobs; in the daytime she worked at Flower King (a job Kris did not envy her for), and at night she picked up overnight shifts at Sans’ (who still infuriated her greatly, but at least paid her a decent wage for it). She had gotten thrown out on her ass by her dad after turning 18, so she crashed on the Dreemurr’s couch pretty much always. Despite this, she was eager for the chance to breathe, and had been using her paychecks to afford a beat-up van that permanently lived at Flower King while she toiled to make it the perfect mobile home. She promised to take Kris and Ralsei on all sorts of adventures once it was kitted up. On the other hand, Ralsei spent most of her time in Castle Town, being Princess of the Dark, but she was also taking night classes at a local community college to study Education. She had aspirations now, dreams to look forward to, and friends who encouraged her to do her best. She was a lot more excitable, now that the weight of the prophecy was off her shoulders, and definitely had some poor impulse control rub off on her.
And Kris?
Well, they were kind of just…winging it.
Truthfully, they had no real life aspirations. For a very long time, the plan was simple: “survive”. Make it long enough to see Azzy one last time and then…they didn’t like to think about what came next. Guilt sat heavy on their SOUL for a while, amongst other things, and it had taken a lot of time to work through that. Therapy helped, and they were working through decompartmentalizing all of the years they spent with their nose to the grindstone and their SOUL puppeteered by foreign strings. Now, at the very least, they had control of their actions. Full control, without worrying about exerting too much force in order to do so.
So, honestly, they’ve been chilling. Their family had been nothing but supportive, allowing Kris the room to finally relax after years of being bottled up and afraid. Most days, they just kind of lingered wherever Susie was working, shooting the shit and being a menace when the time called for it. Sometimes they’d get sick of being shooed away and go to Castle Town to hang with Ralsei, Lancer, and all their other Darkner friends, though a lot of them would cross over to the Light World (now that they could) to bother them instead.
Then, there’s Berdly.
Because yes, in spite of everything, and despite Susie’s initial confusion, Berdly was one of Kris’s close friends. They liked annoying him and playing video games with him, and he once he abandoned the “#1 Student” shtick he was actually a tolerable study partner and classmate. Berdly had gone through a lot of personal growth in the week the world almost ended, and continued to grow even beyond that. He now had a much more normal friendship with Noelle, a very unexpected friendship with Ralsei, and a heated rivalry with Susie that even rivaled Berdly’s rivalry with Kris! Though, of course, rivalry in the case of Berdly and Susie was not measured in terms of gaming prowess or grades. Susie and Berdly’s rivalry was very…weird. They constantly challenged the other to perform acts only one of them would be capable of (like the time Susie challenged Berdly to see who could drink a 2 liter of Hepsi the fastest), and then gloat in the other’s face when they inevitably won (like when Berdly IRL-taunted because he beat Susie in a 5-stock Super Smashing Fighters money match and she had to fork over fifty bucks). It was supremely stupid but very fun to watch, and it made the two grow oddly close. Many of their fellow classmates were shocked when Susie got up to hug Berdly at the end of his Valedictorian speech, but Kris just smiled and shook their head.
Berdly had applied to a lot of colleges, in a lot of places. Kris remembered long Diskcord calls where he lamented the application process, stressing over teacher recommendations and writing the perfect essay. But all that work yielded great results, and he wound up getting a pretty hefty scholarship to study at Nilla Vova, a couple of hours south of Hometown. He was going to study Computer Science, something he claimed he had wanted, though the nervous laughter that always framed those claims had Kris doubting his sincerity. They spent the couple of months before university started hanging out as much as possible. Berdly had taken the summer off from volunteering, meaning he could stay up with Kris, Noelle, and Susie to play video games. He even got some combat lessons in the Dark World with Ralsei! It was one of the most fun summers Kris had ever had.
But, as the departure date grew closer, Kris noticed Berdly got more…nervous. He showed up late to hangouts, he left calls early to go to bed. One day, Kris went over to his house, only to catch him pacing anxiously around his living room, his laptop propped up on the couch and showing an Yamazon listing for textbooks. Kris tried to ask what was wrong, but Berdly clammed up, claimed he was just “getting ready” and shooed them away before they could get another word in. Kris didn’t know what to do at the time, so they kind of just let it be, figuring once he got past the first couple weeks of university he would probably be a lot calmer.
That didn’t end up happening.
When Berdly left for college, crammed into the front seat of a rental van (because his mother’s car wasn’t big enough to carry all his stuff), Kris waved them off, not realizing that would be the last time they heard from him for four whole months.
Now, in hindsight, four months was not that long of a time. Kris had spent around that much time waiting for Azzy to get home for fall break, that first semester he was gone. But to go from talking to a guy near-constantly, for hours on end, to no contact at all? It was jarring, to say the least. Kris didn’t like that they didn’t know how he was doing; the guy had practically abandoned his Diskcord account, despite everyone’s incessant DMs. At one point, about a month in, he had replied to Noelle saying he was “slammed with homework”, but that was it. It just…rubbed Kris the wrong way. Had he abandoned them? Completely ditched the multiple friendships he had forged over the years for new beginnings at school? That couldn’t be it…could it?
No, Kris refused to accept that was the reason. Something was wrong, they were sure of it.
Their fears were only confirmed after Fall break, when Berdly had come home and just…blew everyone off. Yes, despite being back in Hometown, the bird monster refused to answer DMs, texts, calls, and even Susie banging on his front door!
(At that point, his mother answered the door, a tired looking bluebird with frazzled feathers and a pair of glasses that hung around her neck by a chain. She had told a fuming Susie that her son was busy, and needed the time off from school to prepare for finals, before promptly slamming the door in her face. Susie stormed off, not prepared to have the cops called on her if she tried throwing rocks at Berdly’s window, and told Kris and the others that Berdly was “being a dickhead nerd, like usual” before glumly sitting back on the Dreemurr’s couch and not saying a word.)
That entire week, anxiety tickled up Kris’s ribcage, making them pick at their nails. Their therapist told them this was normal, that sometimes a lot of change will stress someone out and make them go into survival mode without intention, and that all Berdly needed was time to cope before he was ready to talk to Kris and the others again. But Kris knew better, they knew Berdly was not the type to “take a breather” or “recuperate”. Right now, Berdly was ankle-deep in shit and was simply bearing down, hoping to weather the storm despite making no preparations. In lingo he would understand, he was fighting the Ender Dragon with nothing but a stone shovel, on a Hardcore Minecrap level, three hearts away from death. Shit was dire, and someone needed to do something about it.
So, that’s what Kris was doing. With nothing but a backpack full of crap, and a two and a half hour drive home cementing them to this idea, they were here. Doing something about it.
The only problem was that they had no idea what dorm Berdly lived in and, crucially, how to get in without him knowing they were coming.
Well, fuck. They thought, pulling out their phone anxiously to swipe through their missed messages. Most were inquisitive, a “what hte fuc r u doing w asgores truck???” from Susie, a “So I am assuming you will not be home for dinner?” from their mom, and a “why did you need the name of berdlys school again :-o” from Noelle. One is from their therapist, who strongly recommended they didn’t do something like this, though that one they are ignoring because, well, it’s too late to go back on it now! They were here, and they were going to have to figure out how to get into this building that requires a school ID in order to enter.
They considered their options. Would pretending they left their ID in their dorm room work? No, probably not, then the person sitting at the desk would ask for their name and stuff so they could look into their database to confirm they were a student. Maybe they could tell a half-lie and say they were here to visit a friend and their friend was just getting out of a class so they were going to wait in their room? But that wouldn’t work either because then the desk associate would just make them wait outside the dorm building. Or, worse, ask for Berdly’s information so they could contact him, which would ruin the whole point of this surprise ambush-hangout! Sweet Angel, their puppeteer may have supremely sucked in the whole “controlling them without their permission” thing, but they at least were good at coming up with hair-brained schemes on the fly. Kris needed that kind of brute-force, hug-the-wall-until-a-walkway-appears kind of guidance right about now. They huffed, shoving their phone into their pocket, and looked around, taking note of all the kids filtering in and out of the building. They shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot; was 3 PM on a Tuesday a bad time to be here? Maybe. Berdly probably had class, which was something Kris had completely blanked on until right now, prompting them to slap their face with an audible groan.
Just when all hope seemed lost, fate struck like a freight train. Because, just behind them, they heard a very confused, very surprised, very Berdly voice call out:
“K…Kris?”
And when they turned and saw Berdly standing there, a pillar of familiarity in a sea of foreign faces, in a black collared shirt with a blue-and-white sweater vest over top and grey cargo shorts, staring at them like they were simultaneously an alien with six heads and the Angel from the Prophecy here to grant him access into heaven, Kris felt their heart thud three times before lodging firmly in their throat, reminding themself that they were here not just to solve a problem but because they, like an idiot, missed him like crazy, for reasons they weren’t willing to divulge with even their own inner monologue.
And what to do, when faced with the friend you were literally here to surprise, other than hold a hand up nervously and bluntly go, “Oh, hey Berdly.”
Yeah, great going Kris! That ought to be a sufficient enough response for driving nearly three hours to visit!
Berdly, as expected, guffaws a bit, feathers around his neck puffing out as he exclaimed, “Holy sweet mother of Minecrap, what are you doing here??” That at least alleviated some of the nerves suddenly coiled around Kris’s ribcage, causing them to let out a little laugh as they shrugged.
“I wanted to say hi,” they answered, being purposely obtuse, which only served to make Berdly more baffled. He took a step forward before second-guessing himself and moving back to his original spot. All around him, students passed, only giving the pair an odd side-eye before going about their business. Kris stood there, hoping Berdly would shake it off and usher them inside before they further embarrassed themselves out here, but the bird monster simply did nothing. So, they coughed into their fist, tilting their head towards the dorm building as if to say, and aren’t you going to invite me inside?
Berdly startled, feathers puffing out, before he took a step forward and spread his wing to engulf Kris, turning them around with a grandiose, “Why don’t we step inside the dormitories to speak further, my good gamer friend that I was definitely expecting to see today?”
Kris snorted and let themself be ushered through the doors, stopping at the desk while Berdly awkwardly went through the process of checking in a non-student. Kris had to cough up their ID while they were inside, but that was the least of their problems as they walked over to the elevators. They expected Berdly to prattle on and on about class, now that Kris was here in front of him, or the amenities offered by his school. What they weren’t expecting was the awkward, cloying silence and the very pointed looks they kept catching Berdly make before he quickly turned away.
Once they were inside the elevators, Berdly clicked on the number eight and stepped back, letting the other students that were in the elevator select their floors. They stood shoulder-to-shoulder with the bluebird, which gave them the chance to see that, to their horror, Berdly was officially taller than them. They knew he had grown since the start of high school, but last they checked they were both an underwhelming 5’5. Now, Berdly stood, a whopping 5’5.5 (or perhaps even a staggering 5’6!!!!) and Kris was absolutely not going to live this down, once they went back home and delivered the news. Luckily, by the time they were done mulling over this conundrum, they were at the proper floor and Berdly was silently-but-patiently waiting for them to exit the elevator. Once they did, he led them down the hall of doors to one towards the end, turning to Kris only once he was about to put in his key to say, “My apologies for the mess. I…wasn’t expecting visitors.”
Upon opening the door, Kris beheld the room proper. It was ridiculously tiny; with two twin beds flanking either side of the door, followed by two mirrored desks and wardrobes. On the left-hand side, there were posters of famous basketball players, a neatly-made bed with plain grey sheets. On the right-hand side were posters of video games Kris knew Berdly adored--Super Smashing Fighters, Minecrap, Dragon Blazers, even a Foreverhood one (which Kris remembered him getting at a convention the group went to during their senior year of high school). The bed was not neatly made, instead a mess of sheets, blankets, throw pillows, and collectible plushes all kind of thrown around. As Kris stepped into the room, Berdly letting the door shut behind them before hurriedly going to fix his bed, they took in more of what was clearly their friend’s side of things. The desk was a mess of papers, textbooks stacked haphazardly, a calendar on the wall with assignment due dates and a big circle around the third week of December with the word “FINALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” written in red ink and underlined three times. They took a peek under the bed and spotted a minifridge and a smaller plastic drawer that looked to be filled with junk food.
Well, at least he’s eating, Kris thought to themself, turning just as Berdly coughed. Once they were looking, Berdly presented his now-much-neater bed like he was displaying something incredible.
“Behold, my abode!!” He announced. Kris clapped politely, earning them a proud puff of the chest. Then, after a second, Berdly deflated. “Or, well. My and Ben’s abode. He’s still in class, but he should be back within the next couple of hours.”
“Ben?” Kris parroted, cocking their head to the side. Berdly nodded.
“Yeah, my…roommate?” He explained, a little unsure. “We’re not really in the room at the same time, unless we’re sleeping, so it kind of feels like we’re just. Two guys inhabiting the same space at different intervals.” He unholstered the backpack from his back, which looked to be crammed with books. “He’s a nice enough guy, it’s just--he likes sports, and I used to fake whooping cough to get out of dodgeball, so…”
Kris laughed at that, which seemed to brighten their friend’s features some. “I get it. Azzy’s Freshman roommate was a fraternity bro, and he became the stoner loser in a band.” At that, Berdly rolled his eyes, kneeling down to unzip his bag. “I guess I’m just surprised you’re in the same boat as he was.”
“Hm?” Berdly looked up at them. “What makes you say that?” Kris looked up at the multiple, extremely expensive plushes on Berdly’s bed before looking back at him.
“I mean, no offense, dude, but isn’t your mom, like, loaded?” They asked. “She’s paying you through school, right? How come you’re not in the fancy apartment-style dorms.” Berdly sighed, heaving a particularly heavy textbook out of their bag before placing it on his bed.
“Well, I mean--I suppose, in comparison to, uh, you or Susie, we’re a bit more well-off.” He began, taking out a binder loaded with notebook paper. “But we’re not, like, Holiday rich or whatever your previously-conceived notion was. And, mind you, I got accepted to this school on a very generous scholarship, which helps with the cost of tuition but…doesn’t cover everything. I was given the choice between getting a nice, new laptop and living in the traditional dorms, or getting to live in the apartments with the bunk laptop I got when I was eight.”
“Don’t you have a whole PC?” Kris recalled the numerous hours he spent building the damn thing, and the even more numerous times he gloated about it.
“Well, yes. I do, but I can’t take a PC with me to class.” Berdly replied, pulling out the laptop in question. “Heck, I definitely would not have been able to fit my monitors onto the desks they provide, and lugging that massive thing back and forth would have been annoying and potentially dangerous were it to get damaged.” He ran a wing over the top of the laptop, which was adorned in stickers (a lot of them gifts from friends, as Kris recognized a few) that made something approaching fondness cluster in Kris’s chest. “No, I think I made the right decision. The smart decision. And you know how I feel about smart decisions…” he trailed off with an awkward half-laugh. Kris laughed too, just for a second, before it tapered off into a mind-numbing silence.
…Okay.
Time to say it: this was fucking weeeeeeeeeeird.
Something about Berdly just felt…off. Like he wasn’t saying enough. Or, rather, was saying too much about the wrong thing. Which was a very Berdly thing for him to do, but they had to cut the bullshit eventually, right? There’s no fixing this situation if Kris didn’t address the two-and-a-half-hour elephant in the room.
But, they hesitated.
It didn’t feel fair of them to jump him out of nowhere. They had to work into the conversation; like how their therapist engaged in polite smalltalk long enough for them to stumble into saying something related to what she wanted to bring up for that session. They needed to lead him a little, drag his talons through the pleasantries before he inevitably tripped into the real shit. So, despite their impulsivity usually dictating them, they offered a compromise: “So, do you wanna get some food?”
At this, Berdly seemed to think on it. “I suppose it is around lunch time…” He set his backpack to the side and regarded the plastic dresser full of snacks. “Unfortunately, I don’t have much in terms of…actual food up here…We could go to the dining hall, but then you’d have to pay, and I wouldn’t want you to do that--”
“Why not?” Kris countered, nudging him with their shoe. “Get up, I wanna eat.” Berdly rolled his eyes, shoving their foot away.
“Yes, yes, I’m get--” Kris nudged him again. “--I’M UP, I’M UP! Sweet Angel, I know your mother taught you basic manners, she taught them to the entire class!” He seemed perturbed, but there was a smile in his voice, a slight upturn of the beak, which made them grin.
He stood, leading Kris back out the door and to the elevators once again. They didn’t say anything to each other in the elevator, or in the lobby (though Kris did have to suffer through Berdly checking them out of his dorm room, which was kind of awkward figuring they were just here less than five minutes before), but once they were out walking to the dining hall Kris finally felt comfortable enough to say: “This place doesn’t look nearly as nice, for it being a private school and all.”
“Well, that’s because you showed up to the Freshman housing, which is by far the worst looking set of buildings on campus.” Berdly noted, leading Kris down a pathway. “The campus is quite beautiful when it’s nice out. Kind of sucks when it’s cold and overcast, like today.”
“I’m surprised you’re not wearing a coat,” Kris said, pointing to his outfit. Berdly looked down and shrugged.
“Eh, I suppose I’m just…used to it being colder around this time of year? It’s, what, the beginning of December? And it’s only forty degrees out! By this time of year in Hometown it would already be snowing!” Berdly guffawed, Kris nodding in agreement. They had a light coat on just in case, but comparatively it was definitely warmer than back home.
“Oh, for sure. It started snowing around Halloween, this year.” Kris mentioned. “There’s enough snow on the ground that every lawn in town has its very own Snow Lancer.” Berdly crowed out a laugh at that, no doubt picturing Lancer and his Lesser Dad vandalizing everyone’s lawns with Snow Lancers. At the mention of Hometown, though, Berdly’s laugh sagged.
“How--” He started, sounding sad in a way Kris isn’t quite used to before coughing very loudly and retrying in a more forced, more passive tone. “How is everyone, by the way?” Kris fought back the urge to pounce on this moment--to grab him by the shoulders and go we miss you dumbass now stop being weird and join a voicecall and maybe answer my texts so I don’t spend all night wondering if you’re still alive--instead choosing to do anything other than that. He clearly still needed time before they had the Big Talk. Plus, doing that on the way to get food would make sitting down and eating really weird.
“Eh, they’re good.” They chose to be blase. “Susie’s got her van functional, which is a major start to actually kitting out to be liveable. Ralsei’s studies are going good, and last I heard I think Noelle was getting inducted into some kind of nerd cult?”
“Wh--Pardon?” Berdly’s head turned a full 180 degrees to face Kris, which caused them to snort. It was never not funny when he did that.
“I don’t know, I think it’s like the women’s college version of a sorority?”
“Women’s colleges have sororities! Normal sororities!”
“Yeah, well, it’s not that. It’s…something else.”
“Like?????”
“I dunno, man! Why don’t you ask her!” Kris intended it to come out slightly cheeky, accusatory in a playful way, but their tone was too sharp for it to land anywhere but painfully between the ribs. Berdly stopped suddenly, causing Kris to bump into him, their faces crashing into each other. Berdly’s beak jammed into the top of their lip, not hard enough to puncture but hard enough to sting (which is odd since Kris is pretty sure Berdly can, like, pucker his beak. Shouldn’t it be soft, then?? Monster anatomy was strange.) It was awkward, and it hurt, and it was the closest simulacrum to a kiss Kris had ever gotten not from a family member. They jumped back in surprise, hand reaching for their mouth, checking their fingers for blood. When they didn’t spot any, they looked back at Berdly, whose head was still turned back, feathers on his face all puffed out. They locked eyes for one agonizingly awkward second as the realization of everything kind of slammed into them, before Berdly’s head whipped back around to face forward. Suddenly, he was back to coughing, now more of a pained wheeze.
“I--” His shoulders hiked up, and he hunched over a little, as if to shield himself from something. “We’re almost there. We should…walk. Faster.” Kris felt their heart sink, hopes of talking this out sagging just a touch, before they squared their shoulders and got right back to walking, brushing past Berdly as they walked in-step with him. It didn’t matter if Berdly couldn’t talk about it now--he would talk about it eventually, come Hell or high water. For now, they were willing to let the topic be dropped. (Though, they couldn’t forget the feeling of his beak by their mouth, painful as it was. And, subtly looking out of the corner of their eye only once to see Berdly’s feathers ghosting over his beak, it seemed they weren’t the only one who was impacted.)
(Whatever. That was not the mission.)
Approaching the dining hall was somewhat of a blessing after walking in near-perfect silence for a solid five minutes. Kris watched droves of students file in and out of the building, all chatting amicably. It occurred to them then that they never really had a school experience like this. Back in Hometown, they didn’t have a cafeteria because the population of kids never exceeded the amount where it’d be necessary to have one. Most kids either packed a lunch or just went home to eat and then came back, though that would lead to kids stumbling into their next period class late because they spent too long doing something at the house. Kris was notorious for this, opting to spend their lunch period sleeping on the couch and then waking up with a start when they realized class had resumed twenty minutes ago. It was why their mom started packing them a lunch to begin with--so they wouldn’t have an excuse to go home--and eventually they stopped making her go through the rigamarole and did it themself. But it occurred to them now how most kids at this university probably went to normal high schools, with big cafeterias that served the same three meals every day. So that was kind of what they were expecting when they stepped through the double-doors and past the attendant working at the front (who charged Berdly’s student ID twice because apparently he was just going to pay for their lunch anyway. Asshole. Kris would get him back for this, surely.)
What they got was instead a mass sprawl of every kind of food imaginable. There was a huge salad bar smack dab in the middle of this part of the room, with a sandwich-making station and a hot case for hamburgers and chicken sandwiches. There was a breakfast station, with waffle irons for people to make their own waffles? And, stepping further in, there was even more stuff! A stir fry station, a line for whatever hot lunch they were serving, as well as cereal dispensers and a station for sodas, water, lemonade, ice tea, and chocolate milk.
“Dude.” Kris grabbed Berdly by the collar of his shirt, choking him and yanking him back before he could wander off. “They have chocolate milk on tap.”
“Y-Yes,” Berdly wheezed, wings wrapping around Kris’s wrist to try and relinquish their hold. “And I think of you every time I pass it.” They paused, warmth blossoming on their face, and looked at him.
“Seriously?” Their usual monotone voice is tinged with just the barest hint of confusion, which is enough to make Berdly sputter, wrenching the human’s hand from his collar as he chokes out a flustered:
“Kidding!! I was just kidding--that was obviously a joke. It was a joke? The thing I just said? Completely for goofs. Yeah.”
A beat.
“So!!” Berdly stood at attention. “I will let you peruse the wares on your lonesome and you can meet me back at that!!!!!” Berdly pointed to an empty table close to the dessert stand. “Table!!!!” Then, he was off, leaving Kris standing there like a fucking goober.
Welp, suppose some grub couldn’t hurt. Kris hadn’t remembered to eat a full breakfast before leaving, only having enough time to scarf down a chocolate chip protein bar before hopping in the truck. So perused they did, grabbing a plate and piling it high with whatever looked appetizing. Which was a lot, much to their surprise. By the time they made it back to the designated table, they were holding two plates piled high with stuff.
Berdly, with his measly salad and plastic dining cup of blue Poweraid, gaped at them as they sat down.
“Sweet mother of Mario, are they not feeding you back home?!” He squawked, to which Kris shrugged.
“Nah, just didn’t have a big breakfast.” They replied simply. “Also, gotta get my money’s worth, since this is a free lunch and all.” They took a bite of pepperoni pizza--not quite as greasy as ICE-E’s, which was honestly a point in its favor--for emphasis. “Thanks, by the way. Your death will be swift and painless, now.”
“Why, it’s no proble--what was that?”
“Hold on, gotta get a drink.” Kris got up from the table and walked briskly to the drink station, snickering to themself at the very audible noises of confusion coming from Berdly as they did so. Once they returned, chocolate milk in hand, Berdly had elected not to readdress the topic and instead munch on his salad. Kris quirked a brow; sure, Berdly liked to keep it clean when it came to food, only pigging out on junk food whenever he was with them, but it was still surprising to see with all the options out there he picked the absolute safest, blandest choice of all. The salad didn’t even look that good! It was just some lettuce, shredded carrot, too much fucking onion, and, like, tomatoes! He wasn’t even eating it with a dressing; every bite that went into his beak was dry and sauceless. They had to say something about it.
“Dude.” They started, Berdly looking up from his plate in response. “That salad looks wack.”
“Wh--It’s not wack, it’s just--” He looked from his plate to their face a couple of times, sputtering. “I don’t know!! I wasn’t really in the mood for anything else, so I just got something simple! Is that a crime?”
“It is when you don’t bother putting any of the good stuff on it,” they teased. “I mean, you could have put some like, chicken--”
“Very funny.”
“--or literally anything other than, like, four things? You’re sauceless, my man.” Berdly rolled his eyes.
“Okay, a guy forgets to dress his salad one time and suddenly he’s sauceless.”
“How can you forget dressing? That is one of the core tenements of a salad.”
“I don’t know! I just--can I please eat my salad in peace? You don’t see me chirping up about your ungodly choices.” Berdly took a bite before continuing. “I mean, I know you eat literal moss, but those hamburgers are disgusting.” Kris, in defiance, took a big bite of the burger and, okay, yeah, the meat is kind of dry and bad.
“Hey, at least I remembered ketchup.” They countered, not willing to admit defeat. Berdly sighed very loud.
“Well, I suppose there’s no accounting for taste--” and, before Kris could butt in, he added, “--for either of us.” Kris snorted but continued to chow down without much more of a fuss.
The two ate in silence for a little bit. Kris was busy trying to clear their piles of food (which would be no problem, given their ironclad stomach) while Berdly played with the single tomato left on his plate, nudging it from corner to corner, not trying the slightest bit to eat it. They looked at him, brows furrowed, though they dared not to say anything. They had to let him bring it up; that’s what their therapist would do during their sessions. But, after about another minute of this, they realized that this was Berdly they were talking about, not a shadow clone of themself. He would have so rather died than admit to anything--it was only after Noelle was in danger that he admitted to not being as smart as he seemed--so, with a quick chew and swallow, Kris decided to try something.
“So, do you usually eat alone? Or do you have, like, friends to eat with ‘n stuff.” Okay, judging by the way Berdly bristled, that was probably not the greatest topic to open up with, but there’s no going back on it now. Berdly looked up at them from his plate, causing them to look away. “Just--we didn’t have cafeterias like this back home. I’d feel weird coming in here to eat, without someone to talk to. There’s, like, a billion students in here.”
“Yeah, well, that’s what happens when you have a student population larger than two dozen.” Berdly noted. “Also, this is one of the only places you can go to get food on campus. Despite how it might look to you, this is actually one of the smaller campuses in the area.” Then, finally, he speared the tomato on his fork, popping into his mouth before adding: “And, to answer your question, no. I, uh…tend to eat alone.”
Kris frowned; they were hoping that wasn’t the case. “Do you…” they started, words dying on their tongue as they struggled to pick the right thing to say. “I mean, is eating alone, like, a conscious choice?”
“Yes.” Berdly’s reply was immediate, horrifically forced. “I just--I don’t have a lot of downtime between classes, so I’m only in here for a handful of minutes.” He laughed, but it sounded wrong. “Honestly, I’ve been living off of microwavable ramen and bird seed for a couple months, but hey, ‘tis the grind! I’m lucky to be given such an opportunity, you know? I can’t…” his voice got smaller; sadder. “I can’t squander it.”
Kris swallowed hard, the aftertaste of Berdly’s words leaving a bitter taste in their mouth. They wanted to do so many things at that moment, but none of them felt like the right response. Angel, if only Noelle was here; she was much better at managing Berdly’s feelings than they were, always the more empathetic and patient one of the two. Hell, even Susie would be a better candidate for giving Berdly the peptalk he needed, why the hell hadn’t they brought her??
No, the thing was, they knew exactly why they hadn’t; the same reason as why they hadn’t told Noelle or Ralsei or their mom or anyone about this whole hairbrained scheme.
They just couldn’t say it. They couldn’t form the words, in their mouth or in their brain.
“Hey,” Kris nudged Berdly with the tip of their sneaker, “let’s get out of here.”
But they were still going to try, even if it killed them in the process. They’ve both been through worse, right?
Berdly wordlessly nodded, and the two got up, disposed of their plates in the proper place, and left the dining hall.
Kris had expected they would return to Berdly’s dorm, so maybe they could have a chance to talk about what the hell happened back there, but the bluebird led them off the beaten path to lands unknown. They passed by a bunch of fancy, old buildings, Berdly pointing out their purpose like a tour guide. Kris nodded along to him, taking in the old architecture, as they learned bits about the campus's history. How there was a chapel, because this was a religious school, where sermons would be hosted every Saturday, like back home. The chapel was quite beautiful, with the stained glass windows depicting the Angel and the Delta Rune, but they didn’t go inside. Berdly informed them that he did have to take a religion course, and that he had chosen to take that next semester, along with a couple other Gen Eds. All throughout this makeshift tour, Kris noticed his demeanor changing. He was lightening up a bit, not as glum as he looked sitting across from them.
Then, they passed by a newer looking building, and Berdly’s stride faltered.
“And this…is the Science Hall.” he said, voice taking on an almost mournful tone. Kris was immediately intrigued. As if expecting the question, Berdly continued, “Most of the classes related to my major are in this building! So, yeah. Great stuff.” He almost sounded ashamed to be admitting this, like this was some kind of major flaw.
“Oh.” Kris said, for lack of anything better to say. “Uh, cool? How many classes do you have here?”
“Just the two,” Berdly answered, wings wringing together anxiously. “My Science Gen Ed, which is actually kind of cool. It’s a course on natural disasters, but they juxtapose the factual knowledge with their fictional depictions in movies and TV shows, so there’s a bit of a film class mixed in as well.”
“That sounds kind of awesome,” Kris noted because, with all sincerity, that sounded like the coolest Science class they had ever heard of. “What’s the other class?” At this, Berdly blanched.
“Well, it’s my…Intro to Computer Sciences course.” Berdly replied, trying his best to save face. “They pack a lot into that class to give kids a sense of what to expect going forward, since this is also a class that non-majors can take. Lots of introductory coding, great stuff, all of it.” He was talking weird again, like there was something about this he was purposely leaving out. Kris nodded, for once thankful their expression tended to be sort of universally neutral.
“Do you…like it?” They dared to ask.
“I do.” Berdly said, never once sounding more like he was lying in his entire life. Kris frowned. “I do!!! I mean, it’s a good starting point for my major, you know, the thing I’m going to be doing for the rest of school? The path I have chosen to walk for the rest of the time I am allotted on this earth? So of course I like it!” He sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince them.
Kris was getting sick of this.
“If you don’t--” they started, frustration at Berdly’s stubbornness fizzling a bit, but they didn’t finish the sentence. The look on the bird monster’s face was something approaching terrified; and they didn’t want to scare him, they wanted him to talk. So, even though this would be a great time to get to the bottom of this whole problem, they held their tongue. “It sounds like a lot.”
At that, Berdly deflated, looking miserable once again. “Yeah. It kind of is.” Then, as if forgetting himself, he perked up. “But it’s no match for Berdly, Valedictorian of Hometown High, Class of ‘XX!” They did not like how that sentence sounded.
“Since when were we back to the ‘ultimate nerd’ shtick?” Kris asked, eyebrows furrowed. “I thought you ditched that crap back in high school.” Berdly fluffed up, embarrassed.
“I-I did ditch it! It’s just--Well, it’s relevant information!” He countered. “I graduated with a high enough GPA to warrant being accepted here; that has to mean something!”
“Does it?”
“Yes!” Berdly huffed. “It means that I’m. Smart. And I deserve to be here.”
A beat.
“Berdly,” Kris started, voice a touch softer than normal. “Since when were you not?”
A longer beat.
“I…” Berdly opened his beak to say more, but nothing came out. Kris sighed, reaching a hand out to grasp his wing.
“Can we talk? Like, back at your dorm?” Finally, it was time to address the elephant in the room. Berdly looked flustered for a moment, looking down at Kris’s hand holding their winged one, before letting out a tired sigh.
“Yes, I, uh, suppose I can’t run from it any longer.” Berdly admitted, morose. “Let’s go.”
The walk back to his dorm room was silent, but Kris didn’t let go of his wing for a second. His feathers were soft, but this was something they already knew. There had been plenty of moments back in high school where they were permitted to touch his feathers. Sometimes he needed help preening the feathers on the back of his head, and sometimes they simply touched his feathers when they were horsing around. Still, every single time it happened, Kris couldn’t help but be awed by how soft they were. He took very good care of himself, despite being a certified gamer and all. His preening routine was regimented and lengthy, according to Noelle, one of the few people he allowed to help him prior to the world almost ending. Sometimes, when he got particularly ruffled or stressed, feathers would fall out. Small ones--downy feathers, since he was still a growing bird--that Kris liked to stroke when no one was looking. They hadn’t kept any of them since that would be weird, but in the time they spent apart they missed feeling their softness between their fingers.
So, for the time being, they were just happy they could feel them for a bit.
When they approached the door to Berdly’s room, he took in a big gulp of air, as if preparing to swan-dive into an inky abyss. Then, he opened the door, leading Kris through, before suddenly stopping in his tracks.
It was and only then that Kris, the last to turn their head, noticed the stranger in Berdly’s dorm room.
Or, well, no. Stranger to them. Judging by the way the boy was sitting on the leftside bed, he was probably well acquainted with Berdly. But still, apparently, a surprise. The boy was looking back, big headphones over his ears, before he smiled and pushed them to sit around his neck. He was human, like Kris, with short brown hair and tan skin. He was wearing a hoodie with the university’s logo embroidered on the front, along with basketball shorts.
“Oh, hey Berd,” He greeted, then looked at Kris. “Aaaaand Berd’s friend.” Berdly sighed.
“Hi Ben, nice seeing you,” he turned to Kris and gestured with his free wing. “This was the roommate I was telling you about.” At this, Ben perked up, a smile coming to his face.
“You were talking about me?” He asked, teasingly curious. Berdly puffed up a bit.
“N-Not anything weird, just that I had a roommate and that you are, in fact, that roommate.” He clarified with a huff. Ben just kept grinning, extending a hand towards Kris.
“Well, it’s nice to meet one of Berd’s friends, finally--” He stopped suddenly, and Kris followed his gaze to their conjoined hands. “Or…more-than-friend, I guess?”
“Wh--” Berdly started before his eyes also found the mark and then he was chirping very loudly and wrenching his wing out of Kris’s hold. They mourned it, even as their neck burned. “We are not--”
“We are.” Kris said bluntly, stopping him. “And we kind of need privacy for a bit, so do you mind stepping out for like an hour?” Berdly gaped at Kris, a fluffball on two feet, but Kris did not break even for that.
“Oh, are you two having an argument?” Ben asked, “You looked kinda dire when you walked in.” Then, after a second, he shook his head. “Y’know what? I don’t wanna know. You two can hash it out, or makeout, I’ll be in my buddy’s room. Just text me when it’s safe, ‘kay Berd?” And, like a true bro, he slapped Berdly on the shoulder once before toeing on his slides and leaving the room.
Kris snickered. “Berd, huh? Why don’t you let me call you Berd?” Berdly opened and shut his beak several times, looking more and more flustered by the second, which only made them laugh harder.
“I don’t let him, he just does and--did you really have to say that???” He shouted and Kris could so perfectly imagine cartoon steam blowing out from his earholes.
“I mean, it worked, right?”
“Yes, but--” he sighed loudly. “You really put me in quite the pickle once you leave, you understand that, yes?”
“Why not let him believe it? One lie won’t hurt anybody,” they stuck their tongue out cheekily, causing Berdly’s already hackled feathers to fluff up even more.
“You’re a pest.” He said flatly. “You’re a pest and I hate you.”
“Awww, you’re sweet~” Kris said in as hammed up of a voice that they could muster. Berdly shook his head, though he was unable to keep himself from laughing for long. They laughed as well, and the two shared in this brief respite for a few much needed moments. Then, as all good things do, it ended and Kris sighed, looking down at the floor. “Man, I missed getting to joke around with you and shit.” There was a pause, where Kris expected Berdly to pipe up, to say he missed it too, to do anything, but all that awaited them was more stilted silence.
When they looked up, Berdly was seated on his bed, holding one of his Foreverhood plushes, not making eye contact with them. Frustration roiled in their gut, causing their hands to ball up into fists.
“This is ten ways from fucked.” They spat. “I’m supposed to be the silent brooding one here, remember? You’re the one that can never shut the fuck up. So when did the roles get reversed?”
No response.
“Berdly, I’ve tried really hard to be patient, but I’m fed up. I drove all the way out here for you, dude. Can you just talk to me? Please?”
Berdly’s grip on the plush tightened. Still, no response.
“Should I go? Is this, like, your way of saying you’re done with me?”
“No.” Well, that at least got a response. A rather fervent one, at that. Kris had their footing.
They climbed onto the bed, kneeling in front of him, hands grasping for his. “You gotta talk to me. I’m--We’re worried for you. All of us.”
“It’s--” he started, before choking on his words. “I’m fine. I…am fine.”
“Dude.” Kris pried his wings off the plush, holding them tight. “You are the most not-fine I’ve ever seen you, and I’ve seen you in some pretty bad spots.” Berdly shook his head, whether to disagree or to shake the words off of him.
“It’s--really stupid.” Berdly relented, just the slightest bit, voice small. “You’d laugh.”
“I won’t. Swear on my SOUL.” Kris stated firmly, about as serious as they were when darkness almost overtook everything. He could understand that they were being serious, at the very least, because he finally crumbled.
“It’s just--” He hiccuped, face pointed towards his lap. “I’m doing really bad, right now. This school is great a-and all, but the classes are hard and my scholarships all have GPA requirements that I am not meeting, and i-if I don’t meet them by the end of the semester I’m going to lose them. A-And--And I don’t know if my Mom will even look at me the same if I get thrown out of college because I couldn’t do it! She constantly asks for my GPA, and I keep having to lie and tell her I can’t calculate it yet because classes aren’t finished, but I’m failing, like, three classes right now and I need to get my grades up and it’s all I can ever think about are grades, grades, grades--” He hunched in further on himself, tears dripping down his beak and onto the plush, but he never removed his wings from Kris’s grip.
“I graduated top of our class, but it turns out that doesn’t mean shit here because so did everyone else! I am at the bottom of the barrel again, only this time I-I don’t have Noelle in my backpocket to tutor me. I don’t even want to study Computer Science, Kris! I hate it! B-But my Mom--she won’t let me change my major because it’s either this or it’s Law or it’s Med School, and I can’t do either of those! Ben’s studying Polysci to go into Law school when he graduates, and sometimes he asks me what I’m gonna do with my Compsci degree once I graduate, a-and I just--I have nothing to say! What is there to say? I guess I’ll go into the tech field, and do a job I don’t want to do for the rest of my life, but hey--at least it makes good money! That’s what Mom keeps telling me, anyhow! So I just--I’m stuck. I am drowning in a sea of assignments and tests and grades and expectations and I just--I want it all to stop. I want everything in the world to just stop forever so I don’t have to move or breathe or do anything to disappoint anyone. I just--” He hiccuped again, words finally giving out on him.
Kris pulled him forward, moving their hands only to wrap him in a tight hug, and boy does he cling to them and just sob. It’s the hardest they thought they’d ever heard him cry, certainly harder than when Kris, Susie, and Ralsei came out of the last Dark World alive. All this time, they should have expected it was something like this, but hearing it come out of his beak was just--it was sad. Sad, that he thought all these things and didn’t trust a single soul with them, not even his own mother. Sad, that it took a friend doing an absolutely stupid thing to get him to this point. Sad, that Kris can’t just make this all go away.
“Berdly,” Kris cooed, gently stroking their fingers through his crest feathers. “It’s alright, man. Just let it out.”
“I’m so tired, Kris,” he sobbed. “I’m so tired of all of this. I just--”
“I know, I know,” they held him a little tighter. “Trust me, I’ve been at this low before. I know what it’s like to truly want the world to stop once and for all. But, here’s the thing, it’s not gonna.” They held him a little closer.
“Life will keep going, and you will wake up every single day at the end of it all. I can’t even pretend to know what it’s like to have the kinds of expectations you’ve had loaded on your shoulders, but I do know what it feels like to be the family fuckup.” They let out a tiny, sad laugh. “I mean, you’re lucky, you don’t have any siblings. The only comparison point you have is your mom, which I guess is the entire reason you think this way, but still. I know what it feels like to disappoint, and to feel bad about it every step of the way. Sometimes, I still feel like my parents should expect more out of me, given Asriel went to college right away. But, they don’t; they love me and they’re proud of me, even when I’m not. Your mom may say a lot of bullshit, but you know what? Fuck her. I’m proud of you, Berdly. You made it to this sick as fuck college all by yourself, with your work and your effort and your skill. And just because you got here and realized this isn’t for you, doesn’t change the fact that you still tried.”
“B-But what am I supposed to do?” Berdly whimpered. “I have to do something.”
“Who says that? Your mom?” Kris asked; they felt him nod. “Fuck your mom, man! This is your life, not hers! If you don’t wanna be a Computer Science major, then you don’t have to be. You can do something you want to do, or you can take the time to figure that out. You can’t have her dictate how your entire life should go! That’s your choice!” They nudged him back enough to make eye contact, giving him a big, shitty grin. “And if your mom can’t live with that, then you can crash at my place. Susie’s started sleeping in her van, now that she can turn it on at night, so I got a whole couch for you to crash on and everything. I’m gonna stick by you until you feel ready to take on the world again.” Berdly’s eyes shimmered with tears, but Kris’s words seemed to have moved him in the right direction.
“I just--why?” He asked, wiping a tear away. “Why help me?” Kris gave him a face.
“Because we’re friends? Because I care about you, on a fundamental level? Because--” A thought crept into their mind, a thought they had been trying to ignore. “--I just…I want you to be okay. I’ve been worried sick about you for four whole months, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear?”
“M-Maybe…” Berdly smiled--a small one, but a smile nonetheless. “It feels a little surreal to hear, to be honest.”
“What, that I care about you?”
“Well--yes, but mostly just how long it’s been since we’ve last spoken. Angel, I--” His smile turned fond. “I missed you, Kris.” Kris’s heart stuttered in their chest, a flush rising to their features at the sound of pure adoration that flowed from those few words alone.
“I--don’t make it gay, dude.” Kris deflected, looking away. Berdly laughed wetly.
“Well, maybe I want to make it gay!” He teased. “You’re the one who implied to my roommate that we were dating. And, you drove all the way out here, just to see me? That’s kind of gay, Kris.”
“Shut the fuck up.” Kris reached to clamp their beak shut, but Berdly maneuvered out of the way, causing the two to land in a sort of pile. They snorted, then began to full on laugh, Berdly following suit not long after. The air felt lighter as they breathed, a weight lifted, for now. There were still a lot of things they needed to talk about, regarding everything he said, but they could put a pin in it for now. They looked at their friend, their bluebird, their something (because those pesky feelings would be addressed, if not now then soon) with a mixture of fondness and relief.
When Ben eventually came back in the room, hours later, and saw the two of them tangled up together, laptop sitting at the far end of the bed sitting idle, both fast asleep; he thought nothing of it.
That’s just kind of what happened when your partner came to visit, right?