An Accidental Simulation of the Psychobiology of Touch-Starvation

When Ragatha touches Caine's shoulder, he immediately glitches hard and bluescreens. He tries to play it off, but ever since that moment he can't help but replay the moment over and over in his head, and there's something running in the background of his code telling him that something is wrong...

Work Text:

It had all started when Ragatha touched him.

Caine, in the back of his processors, had watched Ragatha approach through his all-seeing eyes even if he delayed turning his model to face her. He was busy argui- discussing things with Zooble after all. Geez, why did Zooble always choose a public place to have these discussions? They could never just pull him into their room to chastise him? He never got invited into their rooms anyway. Now other players were seeing! Now they might get worried! Now Ragatha was approaching with a hand outstretched.

“Caine are you oka-”

“Wh-GKK-H̸̛̛͖̼̜͈̝̩̳̩͋̀͗̈́̊̉̍̒̚ͅA̷̛̠̙̣̭͙̰̻̲̪͌͐̂̃̆͌̑̅̓͛͠A̶̡̛̩̹͈̱̔̎̑͂-̵͈͑̃̓̽̂̄͂̓̋̈̐͜͠Æ̸̪͕̃̂̔̔̽Æ̸̢͓̳̟̙̰͈̈́ͅÆ̵̛͎͉̺͕͖̼̝̖̈͌̈́̎̃Æ̵̧̛͚͔͙̲͍͓̼̞̠̲̹̻͌̍̈́̐͒̀̒̂̋͆̇̓̀͜ͅͅÆ̵̜̹̱̯͓̰̓͝Æ̶̡̱̖̯̞̻̰̱͇̹͔̘̝͐̋̍̎̎̊͑̇̍͝͝-̷̨͇͕̱̬̩̪̠͍̪̫͉͎̟͑͐͋͑̋-J̴̧̧̡̡̢̢͓͎̟̠̮̗̺̖̬̺̘̺̘̭̞̟͔̰͍̟̤̬̱̬̦̘̲̜͍̝͖͚̮̥̜͖̽͆͗̇̆͌̾̑̐͐̿̽̈́̃́͆̑͗̽̽̉͛͌̇͊̾̔̅̊̈́̎̊̈́̿̋̅̂̊͊͋̒̈́̑̿̒̓͂̓͐͋͘̕̕̕͜͝͝͝-̷̛̛̲͈̟̤́͛͂̒͂̅͆̓͂͌̔̈́̒̎̈́̄̔̄͑͐͌͗̆͐͐͛̈̇͌̿̾̈͋̀̈́̇̕̕͝͠͠͝͠͝J̶̧̛̮͎̳͊̒̊̋̂̈̀̈́̈̎̂͗̋̑̈̎̈́̆̆̈́̌͗̃͌́̆́͛͋̂̚̚͝͝-̸̡̨̢̧̡̡̧̧̧̗͖͓̺̩̪͓̱̯̬̠͚̻͕̰̼̺̖̳̭̦̦͇͖̠̲͓̹̖̟̜̙͚̯͉̺̝͖̱̱̦̰͙͇̱̦͈̭̤̈͒̑͂̊͘͜J̶̛̣̠͚͓͕̹͇̹͚͈̹̹̞͙̲͉̭̜̳̩͖̌̾̀̅̈́̒͛͋̎̇̆̀̽̎̊̀̾̋͛̈́̎͗̅̉̔͋͂̾́̀̀̍͂̀͌̃͋̈́̑̅͒̂͘͜͜͜͠͝͠ͅ-̷̧̪̘̥̥̬̖̼͈̝̙̯͎͚͇̟̘̞̱̰̫̥̗͈͙͔͔̙̥̮̤̝̟͎͕̱͔̟̪͎̭̠̬͇̮̘̱̠̗̀́̈́̈͋̓̉͂͐͑͆̊̊̂͑̃̋̑̈́̅̈́̃̆̓̈́͂́͊͗̀͂̾̀́͒̃͐̎͒̈̀̕̚͘͘͜͜͝͝͠͝͝ͅJ̷̨̡͍̖̣̹̘̘̩̟͚͆̂̕-̷̧̧̨̢̛͕͉̻͖̮̭̻̙͈͚̮̲͈̫͎̰̩̫̱̳͖͓͕̪͖̉̐̓͑̉̑̇̓̋͗̾̌͐̎̆̑̀̈́͗̉̓̒̄̊͆͛̏̕͘͠ͅ!”

Caine glitched hard as Ragatha’s hand made contact with his shoulder. His back snapped to an arch, and blocks of his model flickered and glitched and spasmed.

“Oh god!” Ragatha pulled her hand back quickly. “I’m so sorry!”

But the glitch running through him like a jolt only lasted a second before he just bluescreened, his eyes going blue with an error code and his body freezing, whole again but eerily still in the air in a painfully bent position.

“Uh, does that answer your question?” Zooble asked, sounding concerned, though there was the tiniest hint of a nervous laugh.

All words Caine didn’t process as his systems worked to reboot him after the sudden crash.

When he finally came to again, righting his misaligned model and looking forward with a confused blink, he found them, both in front of him now, looking up at him with concern. Oh no! That wouldn’t do! He’s supposed to keep them happy and feeling safe! They shouldn’t be scared!

“I’m so sorry I didn’t mean-! I should’ve-!” Ragatha tried to apologize, holding up her hands.

“Oh no no no! You’re quite alright!” Caine was quick to reassure her, holding out his hands and shaking both them and his head. “I just- uh- I didn’t expect that, is all! You didn’t do anything wrong my dear!” Caine forced cheer into his voice, his teeth now clenched shut to avoid them seeing his eyes that were quite dazed and rapidly tearing up for some reason. “I just- uh- I need to run a performance check! Don’t want that happening again! Goodbye!” He snapped his fingers and disappeared with a pop. He was eager to get out of that conversation before Ragatha showed up anyway.

But ever since then, Caine had been having-... performance issues.

He couldn’t focus on his job. Every time he tried to work on making an adventure, he found his mind-... wandering. Wandering back to that moment, that single touch, replaying it in his mind.

And it was doing something to him. Something he didn’t understand. But it was profound.

And it was messing him up!

So now he sat, curled up with his knees to his chest in a white room isolated from the rest of the circus that only admins could access. Sitting here, isolated with only himself and his thought code, he replayed the video in his eyes. Literally. His eye texture was replaced by the recording playing on loop. Shot from the angle of one of his all-seeing eyes, Ragatha approached him from behind, and got closer with her arm outstretched until her h̴̝̜͍̘̃̀ḁ̵̤̮̦̯̊̈́̚ň̴͇̣̟̅͌́d̶̻̣̼̈́ t̷̢̡̢͇͇̦͍͉̱͓͈͍̫̫̝̞̬͎̩̮̬̥͔͍͚̖̱̰̝̫͍̮̫̫̫̍̎̑̒́͗̎̿͠ͅö̸̡͔͓̪̩̠̖͔̺̻́͋̇̎̀̓̆͊͂̉̍͂̏͂͒̏̋͊̀͒̎̍̄̇̃̓̊̌̒̈́̆͊̍̎̎̀͊̈́́̃͊̌̃͌͝͠u̵̢̨̧̧̨̧͈̝̫̦͉̖̫̦͕̯̝͇͓̲̩̻̗̗̙̰̻͙̙̤̤͕̲̟͓͓̮̗̼̖̟̽͋́̉̅̒̈́̎̉̑̈́̈́̓͋̊̎̀̈́̕̕c̶̡̨̯̭͙̤͉̗͍̭̤͕̥̼͚̟͙̘͚͉̲͈̱̫̰̰̎̂̔͘h̵̨̠̪͉̰̰̳̮̲̅̾͗̔͂͆̈́̀͗̏̎͛̒͊͠ę̴̢̛͖̥͔̳̮̜͔̝̫͇̔̉̈́̌̉͑́̊͑̔̈́͑͗̃̊́̍̋͒̉̉̏͋̈͐̎́͋̉̊̀̋̽̏̾̊̿̚d̷̢̢̨̢̨̝̫̫͚͓͎̮̝̖͎̪̺̥̗͉̪̺͈̬̟̜̖̯͈͈̝̤̺͇͙̹̐̅͐́̒̇̀͜͜͜͝ his s̵̛͓͐͠ḥ̵̺͍͒õ̵̗̒͆̀͘u̶̫͇̿͛̾͘l̶͈̬͛͑̂͝d̵̻̮͋̓͝e̶̛̩̹̺͍̒̔̉͝ȑ̵̪͚̭̽-

Caine’s body glitched again. Not enough to bluescreen, but chunks of him flickered and flashed in all sorts of vibrant colors, lines breaking through his model.

He continued, looping the video again, playing back the processes in his system’s log along with it, replaying his feelings. He played it up until just before the glitch happened, of course, and yet when he plays it, he feels that familiar jolt that should not be so familiar to him. It was mild, not as extreme, but still there.

It had happened two days ago. Two days ago! And he still felt like this! Still glitching at a memory!

Two days ago... This video should be gone.

At the end of each day during the half-time of the circus’ night-cycle, Caine cleared out all unnecessary temporary data and moved the important things to permanent storage. Zooble kept getting mad at him for forgetting things, but it wasn’t his fault! He had to make space! He had to make space until his creators connected him to the secondary storage for another back-up. He’s never had to go this long, and has had to make more sacrifices than normal.

...Why has it been so long?

Videos, pictures, system log data, everything, it all got deleted, or, if it was deemed important enough, compressed heavily for efficiency before being placed into permanent storage. Often Caine would just write out a summary of the event or information learned in a text file. He wasn’t really-... supposed to do that. Sometimes it would make the information hard to find and his system wouldn’t pull up the information he needed when he searched for it. He’d only see it weeks later during a data-sweep when its moment to shine had long passed.

But he had no choice! Caine had already offloaded as much as he could onto the circus servers. Stuff about past adventures, assets he could reuse instead of having to generate more and take up more data, every short-cut he could think of.

And yet-...

It had been two days, two file clearings, and Caine had still not deleted this multi-media data folder. He didn’t even compress it! It took up so much space but he just couldn’t bring himself to change a single pixel of it.

He had titled it “The Video”. It was so stupid. It’s too vague! He’d never be able to find it!

And yet he did. He always remembered where to go. He basically knew the way through the file directory to it like the back of his hand now.

Why?

Why was he always thinking about it? Why was it always in his mind? Why did he feel like this?

Caine played the video again. He just couldn’t seem to stop!

He had ENOUGH!

Gripping his top jaw with painful force, Caine’s eye texture changed from the video playback to streaming lines of text code as he exited the video and furiously combed through every active line of his code, determined by vibrant frustration to get to the bottom of what was wrong. He ran through active programs, text files, source folders, image and text glossaries, active textures, background processes-

He found it.

It was a program running in the far background of his active code. A logic stream. Actually, several different logic streams that activated each other in a line.

[Non-violent touch from human player model = Affection].

[Affection = Human is happy].

[Human is happy = Secondary objective achieved].

[Secondary objective achieved = Positive stimulus].

From that first logic stream, a second, opposite logic system was connected, and together they created a constant stream of code running in the background, running occasional checks.

[[Non-violent touch from human player model = False] = [Affection = False]].

[[Affection = False] = [Human is happy = False]].

[[Human is happy = False] = [Secondary objective achieved = False]].

[[Secondary objective achieved = False] = Negative stimulus].

Is this what’s been causing this?