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The entire morning had been as sharp as Xavier’s tone, and as brittle as Zayne’s patience. The argument had started over nothing—laundry left unfolded, dinner plans that had slipped through the cracks. The nature of their lives usually caused this to happen more often than the normal partnered couple… But things were different now. Namely, Xavier was seven months pregnant with their second child and strung out on hormones while his body housed another life. He was tired and aching all the time again. With his emotions running high and Zayne running on four hours of interrupted sleep, what would have been a minor disagreement had ballooned into an unnecessarily large fight.
“You’re not listening to me. You never listen,” Xavier had snapped, the words landing with more weight than he intended. He would probably regret saying it later, but for now he was flushed and irritated and in pain.
Zayne had said his piece enough times in the last hour. It was too damn early for this. With gritted teeth and ears running hot from anger himself, he said nothing at all as he grabbed his bag and headed for the door. They could talk about this later when neither were so emotionally hot.
Normally, one of them would call within the hour. A text, at the very least. But the phone stayed silent all day.
Zayne would keep checking his phone with the hope of the next notification being from his pregnant Omega that never came, and stubborn Alpha pride kept him from being the first to break the silence. And so, the silence rolled on past morning consultations, past his first minor surgery of the day, and past lunch.
After lunch, Zayne wouldn’t be able to check anymore. The trauma ward in Akso Hospital became inundated with victims after an explosion due to a large influx of Wanderers. Hunters and bystanders alike flooded the trauma bay, doctors and nurses swarming to staunch the emergency.
By 1500, the adrenaline that had kept Zayne going began to give out. He was called to bedsides so often for heart issues that surpassed the knowledge of the doctors under his charge, that the faces became a blur in his memory.
A third cup of coffee powered him through to 1900. Nearly all who had been brought to Akso from the explosion were either stabilized, transferred to other trauma hospitals, or had inevitably passed away.
It was now in the operating room that Zayne held a four-year-old’s heart in his hands as it gave out beneath his touch. Acute Protocore Syndrome—rare, vicious, and impossible to predict. The surgical team worked frantically to save her, the steady chorus of monitors and commands filling the air.
Zayne should have given up at least fifteen minutes before. His team knew it. He knew it. But seeing her face…it reminded him too much of his own little girl, Aria, likely already asleep and oblivious at home. Aria was only a year old, but the gentle blue eyes of the child now staring unseeingly at the lights overhead were strikingly uncanny familiarity.
And then the tone flattened, the line went still, and all that was left was the heavy silence of failure. Defeated, Zayne’s shoulders slumped, his eyes burning with a mixture of tiredness and the fight against tears
Everyone stopped. Somewhere in the corner, a technician sniffed. Losing children was never easy.
Zayne stepped back and tore his eyes away from the ashen face of a life cut too short, glancing at the clock overheard. He sighed. “Time of death…2045…”
Later, in the waiting room, he faced her parents. Their sobs cracked against the sterile walls, and Zayne felt the words he’d delivered a thousand times before tear through him like glass.
I’m sorry. We did everything we could. She didn’t make it.
He changed out of his bloody scrubs with mechanical precision, tossing the blue attire into the bin. It was quiet in the locker room today, everyone lost in their thoughts. He checked his phone once more to see twenty notifications in a mixture of calls or texts, all from Xavier.
Zayne didn’t have the energy to read them now. With a sigh, he put the phone in his pocket and left. When he finally got to his car he sat for a long time in silence, hands gripping the steering wheel though the engine was off. He scrubbed his face with his palms until his skin burned, but the ache in his chest didn’t ease. Eventually, with nothing left, he drove home.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The house was dim when he finally entered the threshold. The only light came from the living room lamp, casting a soft glow across Xavier curled on the couch, one hand resting protectively over his middle. Blue eyes flicked open at the sound of the lock turning.
“You’re late,” Xavier murmured, voice rough with sleep, but softer than it had been that morning. “I heard about the incident…I called. Jenna says its bad.”
Zayne didn’t answer. He set his bag down and walked straight into the kitchen.
Xavier pushed himself upright, his back stiff as he followed his partner with his eyes. A frown settled on his face. “Zayne? Are you still upset with me?”
Zayne remained silent as he pulled a mug from the cupboard, setting it on the counter too hard. It was a wonder the ceramic didn’t break. He filled the kettle with water from the tap, and then turned on the device. Brewing tea was part of his nightly routine, but this was different.
Xavier sat all the way up and then, with a hand braced on his back, awkwardly eased up off the couch. “Zayne, talk to me. Please.”
When Zayne reached for the tin of tea, his hands trembled. The lid slipped, clattering across the tile. He stared at it, unblinking, as if the sound had hollowed him out.
“I lost a patient today,” Zayne finally whispered. “She would have turned five next week.”
His hands started to shake, and he found himself unable to grab onto the lid. “I had her heart in my hands, Xavier, and it stopped. I—” His throat closed. He pressed both palms into the counter, knuckles white. “I tried. I tried everything. I really did. And she still—”
The rest dissolved into a sound Xavier had never heard from his Partner before now, rough and raw. Zayne turned as if to leave, but his legs gave out. He sank to the floor, shoulders shaking, the mask shattering for the first time in years since the event on Mt. Evol.
They never talked about it, not really. Just as they never really talked about Xavier’s time collared by EVER.
Xavier’s breath caught as he shuffled over to his partner with arms outstretched. Zayne never broke. Not in the hospital, not at home, not even when life pressed him from all sides. Not ever. But now—here, in their kitchen—he was unraveling.
With effort, Xavier lowered himself to the floor beside him, ignoring the protest of his back and the awkwardness of his swollen belly. For a long time, he simply held the crumbling man against his form. He reached for Zayne’s hand, guided it to the taut curve of his stomach to ground him. The baby shifted beneath the touch, a sleepy kick pressing back against her father’s palm.
“She’s gone,” Zayne whispered, voice breaking. “I can’t stop replaying the surgery in my head. I keep wondering what I could have done differently.”
“I know,” Xavier murmured into Zayne’s hair. “It’s alright to break. Let me catch the pieces, Zayne. I’m not going anywhere.”
Zayne made a sound before burying his face in Xavier’s shoulder, his own shaking with the effort of his grief. They stayed on the tiles, the kettle shrieking behind them until it clicked off, steam curling into the silence.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
When the sobs finally gave way to silence, Zayne slumped with exhaustion. He looked nothing like himself. His eyes were red-rimmed and swollen; his mouth was drawn, his usual precision gone. Xavier kissed his forehead and whispered, “Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up.”
It took effort to haul Zayne upright. He leaned heavily against Xavier, letting himself be guided into the bathroom of their master bedroom. His fingers fumbled blindly with the buckle of his belt until Xavier brushed them aside, undoing the pants himself.
Zayne didn’t resist as the fabric was peeled away. He just stood, trembling, while Xavier directed his movements out of his clothing until he was completely nude. Xavier coaxed him under the spray of the shower after stripping himself, stepping in after him. With soap in steady hands, he lathered Zayne’s shoulders, chest, arms, washing him gently, reverently.
Zayne bowed his head, the water streaming down his face. When Xavier once more pressed Zayne’s hand to the curve of his belly, the silent tears rolled again, mixing with the stream of water.
“Your job is not to save everyone, Zayne,” Xavier said softly. “Your job is to treat them with dignity to the best of your ability…even if the end result is inevitable. But you don’t have to carry that alone. Give some of it to me.”
Zayne broke again as if he needed that permission to fall apart, arms wrapping around his Omega like a lifeline. He stayed there, clinging, until the water cooled and Xavier finally coaxed him out again.
Xavier dried the both of them off before stealing one of Zayne’s t-shirts for himself, and dressing his Alpha in similar fashion. He guided Zayne to their bed and pressed a small, white pill into his palm.
It was Zayne’s sleeping pill. He hated taking it. Hated that once taken, he was essentially dead to the world until the medication wore off. It didn’t matter that as a doctor he sometimes prescribed them to his patients. Medical professionals really were the worst patients to have.
But Xavier would not accept no for an answer tonight. “Take it,” he said firmly, pushing the hand toward Zayne’s mouth.
Zayne obeyed the command without argument, too emotionally wrung out to make any executive decisions. Not tonight. He collapsed onto the mattress after swallowing the pill dry, curling instinctively toward Xavier’s warmth. Sleep pulled at him before he could resist the strength of his medication, heavier than he’d known in weeks.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sunlight spilled through the curtains as the sun began to peak over the houses nearby. Zayne blinked awake, throat raw, body aching from the strain of yesterday’s long hours, but his mind felt rested. For once, he hadn’t stirred in the night, nor jolted awake from nightmares. He didn’t wake at three in the morning, staring at the ceiling until Xavier stirred or his alarm went off.
He simply…slept. It had been much needed.
Xavier was already awake, propped against the headboard, hand rubbing absently at his belly. His eyes softened when he saw Zayne stir.
“You slept the entire night,” he hummed pleasantly. “That’s good.”
Zayne swallowed. “Only because you drugged me.”
Xavier’s mouth tilted faintly. “You needed it.”
Zayne could tell that while he’d slept like a brick, Xavier hadn’t slept at all. There were deep circles under his partner’s eyes. Had he looked over him while he slumbered? For the entire night?
A soft cry beyond the door broke the stillness between them as they stared at one another. Their first-born was making her presence very clear from the nursery. Smiling tiredly, Xavier slipped out of the bed to waddle out of their bedroom. The crying was short-lived, coming to a quiet moments later as Xavier brought her back to their rooms.
Only after Xavier swatted his hands away for offering to help did Zayne settle back against the pillows. He watched the quiet domesticity of Xavier changing Aria’s diaper, and then settling back in their bed to bottle feed.
Zayne looked at Xavier, at their daughter, at the swell of her unborn sister. The reminders of why he worked so hard every day. The people that made even his worst days, worth it.
After Xavier burped their child and she settled in to sleep again, he lay back down with Aria between them. Immediately, Zayne’s arms wrapped around both his daughter and partner.
For a while, no one said anything. Zayne didn’t speak again until their daughter fell back to sleep between them.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, rough but certain. Not just for the patient he’d lost, but for the sharp words the previous morning. For the silence between them afterward. “I was stubborn yesterday, and that wasn’t very fair to you.”
Xavier leaned his head down to touch foreheads, eyes closing. “Me too,” he said quietly. “I was…mean. Really, really mean. I didn’t meant what I said, about you never listening. I was just frustrated and I don’t even remember why…We’ll be better today.”
Zayne pressed his lips to Xavier’s, his arm curling tightly around both of them, keeping him grounded in the here and now. “I’ve got you. But thank you for having me, too.”