Work Text:
“So who are you dating?” Sirius asked.
Regulus stared at him in disbelief. Regulus was too busy being gobsmacked to check if other people were also staring, but he heard a soft snort from Severus beside him.
He and his brother were sitting across from each other at one end of the dining table, as they waited impatiently for the Order meeting to begin. Dumbledore was apparently still stuck in meetings with the Wizengamot.
Regulus had already felt tense being back in this house, but now he was swiftly realizing that there were things to be stressed about that he hadn’t even known about. Like his brother’s reaction to the relationship that he hadn’t even been hiding. It occurred to him now that he should have known better than to think Sirius was just politely ignoring it. He would never be so polite.
“I did tell you that your brother is still an imbecile after all these years,” Severus murmured, just loud enough to ensure Sirius could hear him. He was marking a student’s essay, cheerfully crossing out entire paragraphs and scratching scathing remarks in the margins. “I have often found myself ruminating on the question of whether his neurons were utterly ravaged during his stint in Azkaban.” Regulus would have rolled his eyes if he was capable of it at that moment. Though, in fairness, his boyfriend did have a point. He was fairly certain he’d called Severus “darling” in front of his brother the other day.
Regulus took a fortifying sip of tea and glanced down at the parchment in front of Severus as he tried to formulate a response.
Merlin’s teeth, Regulus thought distractedly. Teenagers really did have terrible handwriting. Regulus couldn’t tell if the word Severus was circling was “turn” or “twin,” but he wasn’t convinced either had anything to do with a Blood-Replenishing Potion. And was that “obliviate” or “obliterate”?
“Oblivious” would be more fitting, he thought, looking back up at his brother with a mixture of fondness and exasperation. What a moron.
His brother was glaring at Severus, but turned back to Regulus, grey eyes searching and curious. “I heard through the grapevine that you’re seeing someone,” Sirius explained. “And I’m your brother! I should know who you’re dating.”
“You want to know who I’m dating?” he repeated. He was quickly realizing that he wasn’t particularly bothered about Sirius’ potential reaction. This could be fun, he thought to himself.
“Yeah,” Sirius nodded, leaning across the table with a smirk. “I asked around, but no one seems to know. So I figured I’d get it right from the source.”
Harry wandered in at that moment, having just finished his breakfast in the kitchen. He looked slightly queasy. Molly was a truly wonderful cook, but she never let anyone get up from the table without having eaten two or three servings. It was an absolute wonder that her own kids weren’t the size of a baby elephant.
Regulus had noted this tendency of hers to overfeed at his very first Order meeting. He had promptly made up a nonexistent condition that meant he had to eat several small meals throughout the day rather than three big ones, and gamely took a plate home with him when Molly had insisted. Small victories. Severus had apparently long ago told her he had too many allergies to eat anything that he hadn’t prepared himself, so Severus usually ended up eating the extra servings. Apparently, Harry was too kind to lie to Molly Weasley.
“Hiya pup,” Sirius exclaimed, standing up to wrap Harry in a tight hug. Harry smiled up at him.
“Brat,” Severus greeted. Regulus loved the softness that entered Severus’ voice when he talked to his adopted son. He also loved that he was probably the only one who could tell the difference.
“Hi kid,” Regulus said warmly, propping his face on his hand. “You’ll enjoy this conversation.”
“Oh?” Harry asked, coming around the table to take the seat on the other side of Severus. Severus leaned back enough that Regulus could see Harry’s reaction as he told him. Across the table, Sirius had thrown himself back into his seat, one leg over the arm. When they were younger, Regulus had seriously considered the possibility that Sirius would die if he ever sat properly in a chair. Unfortunately, he had never once had the opportunity to find out.
Regulus wrapped his hands around his warm mug, taking a deep breath and meeting Harry’s curious gaze evenly. “My brother wants to know who I’m dating,” he said solemnly.
Harry stared at him for a second, and burst out laughing. It was such infectious, unrestrained cackling that Regulus was grinning despite himself. Even Severus’ lip was twitching.
“What the fuck?” Sirius demanded. Severus sent a scowl his way. “Sorry, frick. But why the hell is that so funny?”
“You’re joking, right?” Harry howled, shaking with laughter.
“No?” Sirius said, looking confused. “I’m his brother, why shouldn’t I know who the f- frick he’s dating?”
“My opinion of you is diminishing by the second,” Severus sighed. “And I was unaware there was room for it to descend any further.” He jotted down a comment that Regulus was pretty sure had the words “anti-intellectualism” and “cretin” in the same sentence.
“Fuck off Snape,” Sirius replied automatically. And then winced under the combined glares of Severus and Regulus. “Sod off?” he tried. Harry’s eyes were tearing up with mirth.
“Better,” Regulus allowed.
“Marginally,” Severus said flatly.
“So wait,” Sirius said. “Do you know who he’s dating, Haz?”
Harry sobered instantly, wiping at his eyes. “Nope,” he responded with a wide-eyed innocent expression that was equal parts unconvincing and charming.
“You little shit,” Sirius said, ignoring Severus’ low growl. “Tell me!” Maybe they need to initiate a swear jar, Regulus thought idly. They could probably buy Harry a new broomstick with it by the end of the year.
“I know nothing,” Harry protested. “I’m just a kid. No one tells me anything.”
“Come on, pup,” Sirius pleaded. “It’s killing me.” He was clearly hoping he could guilt-trip Harry into telling him. Which, to be fair, the kid absolutely was the weak link. Luckily, Sirius was terrible at subterfuge. Unluckily for Regulus, Harry was getting better at it.
“It’s your brother’s relationship,” Harry whined, resting his face on Severus’ arm and looking sad. It would have been sweet if it hadn’t been so obviously put on. It was still kind of cute. “Why don’t you ask him about it?”
“Sure,” Sirius agreed, returning his attention to his brother. Regulus groaned inwardly, sending a good-natured scowl at Harry, who responded with a smirk once Sirius had turned away. Truly, the kid had spent far too much time with Severus. That move was pure Slytherin. Regulus wondered if his brother knew what Harry was doing, and was just playing along, or if he was actually unobservant enough to think that Harry was upset. Regulus was worried that it was the latter. “So, come on, who is it?” Sirius was asking. “Do I know her?”
Severus let out a quiet chuckle.
A sudden look of horror passed over Sirius’ face as he looked over at Severus. “Oh hell,” he blurted out. Severus raised his eyebrow. Regulus held his breath. Harry sat back up. “Does he know who she is?” Sirius asked, gesturing to Severus.
Regulus fought down a slightly hysterical laugh. Harry looked sincerely disappointed in his godfather. Regulus was surprised—and relieved—when Severus didn’t openly cackle in Sirius’ face. His brother’s lack of observational skills were riotously funny, so he couldn’t have even blamed him, yet his boyfriend managed to restrain himself to a smirk.
Sirius still saw it.
“He knows?” he gasped, sounding very dramatic and betrayed. Regulus rolled his eyes. “I’m your brother and I have no idea, but you told Snivellus?”
“I didn’t tell Severus,” Regulus replied truthfully. He wondered if he could condition Sirius to stop calling his boyfriend by that epithet by firing a langlock off at him any time he said it. He might try.
Remus walked in then, carrying a mug of tea, an apple, and a book in a single hand. The man had a habit of doing that. Regulus wasn’t sure if it was from having to be quick on the draw during the war, from one hand or the other often being in pain after the full moon, or if it was just a tendency carved from always carrying too many things all at once. He wouldn’t ask, of course, but he was curious.
Regulus had found himself finding Remus and his little quirks very interesting, despite his initial reservations about the man.
Mostly, his reservations had come from Remus’ part in the Marauders’ treatment of Severus. The man—boy, then, Regulus reminded himself firmly—had avoided joining in, but he had never stopped any of it or criticized Sirius or James. Regulus didn’t like people who pretended to be above things. He didn’t mind ignoble people, but he preferred when they at least didn’t feign nobility.
“Moony!” Sirius exclaimed happily.
Regulus rolled his eyes, bemused. He couldn’t believe these idiots had been popular in school, going around calling each other things like “Padfoot” and “Prongs” in public. And “Wormtail,” too? Honestly it was surprising that they had been surprised at Pettigrew’s betrayal, after giving him a nickname like that. Regulus would have just outright murdered them for coming up with it.
“Hiya Remus,” Harry chirped up.
“Good morning, Harry,” Remus greeted kindly with a warm smile. “Regulus, Severus.” He nodded over to them easily as he set his stuff down beside Sirius.
“Hello Remus,” Regulus said politely.
“Wolf,” Severus said abruptly as Remus sat in the chair across from him. “I wish to hear your thoughts on a matter I find myself privy to.”
Remus nodded at Severus to go on, picking up his mug to take a sip.
“I wish to know what your thoughts are on Sirius asking Regulus who he is dating,” Severus continued, his tone mild, lazily tracing a fingernail down the parchment in front of him. “He appears quite bothered that no one will inform him of Regulus’ lover’s identity.”
Remus paused, and then put his tea back down.
Turning to Sirius, he stared at him, honey-brown eyes dumbfounded. “Are you stupid?” Remus asked seriously. Regulus bit his lip to stop himself from smirking. “All of these years, I thought you just acted like an idiot because it was funny, but are you actually a fucking moron?”
Holy Emrys, Regulus was glad Sirius hadn’t ended up with someone who spent all their time bolstering his considerable ego. Remus seemed able to handle him. And Regulus noticed that Severus didn’t stop Remus from cursing, though privately he thought a swear jar was still a solid option.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Sirius asked, offended. “Frick,” he amended, glancing worriedly at Severus. He probably sensed that Severus was considering sending a langlock his way. Considering Regulus had felt Severus’ arm move as if about to reach for his wand, he rather suspected his brother had been right.
“It is far too close to the full moon for this dumbassery,” Remus growled. He looked around. “Can someone switch seats with me?”
Regulus was openly grinning now.
“Hey!” Sirius protested. “What did I do?”
Remus leaned towards him. “Do you truly not know who Regulus is dating?” he demanded, squinting at him. Harry looked delighted as he watched them going back and forth. Severus was resolutely staring at the essay in front of him, though his quill had stopped moving about the time that Remus had walked in.
“No!” Sirius replied. He tilted his head. “Do you?”
Remus sighed heavily, putting his head in his hands.
Sirius gaped. “How does everyone know but me?” he complained. “I don’t think I’ve ever even seen him talk to a woman.”
Harry giggled.
Remus groaned. Then, straightening, he put a hand on Sirius’ arm. “Pads, love?” he said softly, sweetly. “We need to talk about something. I’ve just realized we never explicitly addressed this, and we need to. Immediately.”
“What’s wrong?” Sirius asked, looking genuinely stressed.
Regulus could feel Severus tensing in anticipation of the punchline, though the man didn’t look up from his parchment. Regulus hid a smirk behind a sip of his tea.
“Sweetheart,” Remus stage whispered. “Are you homophobic?”
Regulus couldn’t help the unseemly snort that came out of him. Harry snickered, and Severus had entirely abandoned his marking to watch the show.
“What?” Sirius asked, baffled.
“I’m gay, idiot,” drawled Regulus. Honestly. He was fairly certain he’d once heard Minerva McGonagall refer to Sirius as one of her “best and brightest.” If only she could see him now. Circe, Regulus hoped she was coming today. She needed to hear about this. Immediately.
Severus scoffed. Remus chuckled.
Sirius blinked at him. “You’re gay,” he repeated blankly.
“Yes, you half-wit,” Regulus said, rolling his eyes.
“You’re GAY?” Sirius shouted, having apparently at last processed this revelation. A few heads turned towards them from where people were milling at the other end of the room. Luckily, most of them just accepted this as Sirius Black-like behaviour and went back to their conversations.
“Honestly,” Harry muttered darkly under his breath. It was adorable, watching Harry become more like Severus with each passing day. Especially when the scorn was directed at Sirius.
“How can you be gay?” Sirius demanded.
“How can you be gay?” Regulus shot back.
“Are you two going to start arguing over who was gay first?” asked Remus, looking fascinated.
“Or who’s better at being gay?” Harry quipped.
“Or which of you is the biggest disappointment to your mother?” Severus drawled.
“I am!” Sirius insisted. “I’m dating a male half-blood werewolf.”
“Oh, is that all I am to you?” questioned Remus mildly. Sirius glared at him, but Remus was apparently too busy drinking his tea to notice.
“I suppose it depends how you weigh it,” Regulus said thoughtfully, tilting his head. “Would she have been more upset about you dating a werewolf, or me dating a traitor against the Dark Lord?”
“Definitely the were– What?” Sirius stuttered. “What do you mean a traitor?”
Regulus waited patiently. There. Sirius’ eyes went wide.
“No,” he said, looking back and forth between Regulus and Severus in evident dismay. “No no no. No!”
Remus was shaking with laughter at Sirius’ horror. Severus was covering his mouth with his hand, which meant he was quickly losing his own fight against mirth. Harry had his face buried in Severus’ sleeve. For his part, Regulus was just grinning, unrestrained. This was brilliant.
“You can’t be with Snivellus,” Sirius snapped. “He’s such a fucking—”
“You don’t like Reg being with my dad?” Harry asked. The kid was a comedic genius, Regulus had to admit.
Sirius tried to backpeddle. “Pup, I just think he and Reggie–”
“If you have a problem with my dad, does that mean you don’t like me anymore?” he continued. Remus almost spit his sip of tea out. “You said before that I’ve started to sound like him.”
“No, Harry! Never!” Sirius said, sounding panicked now. “I love you, I would never–”
“And Reg gets to be like my stepdad,” Harry said, with a tremulous hesitation that was rather convincing, if a touch overdone. “I thought that it was kind of nice. Like we’re really a family, you know?”
Regulus was torn between amusement at the look of devastated conflict on Sirius’ face while Harry played him like a fiddle, and the soft feelings mounting in his chest from knowing that Harry truly did feel like that about him.
Severus squeezed his thigh gently, and Regulus leaned into him slightly.
“You know what, pup,” Sirius said haltingly. He swallowed. “You’re right. I was just surprised. This is a good thing.”
“Oh, that’s all good then!” Harry said, smiling broadly. He ran around the table and gave Sirius a big hug. Over his godfather's head, he winked at Regulus and Severus, before bounding back over.
Severus ran his fingers through Harry’s hair and smirked at Sirius, while Sirius glared back. Remus was unconvincingly pretending to read his book.
Regulus smiled into his tea.