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Lightning struck as pouring rain fell to the floor outside, the piercing cold making it unbearable for anyone to stay outside for more than a minute. Unless you were a huge fan of getting soaked..??
Martha wasn't, though. She hated the rain, which was sorta obvious, considering the fact she was a ghost, but whatever. Naturally, she had decided to stay in her home for the day!
..
And was incredibly bored, ugh. Lovell was asleep, so she couldn'tย fฬถlฬถiฬถrฬถtฬถ talk to her, and she couldn't even practise witchcraft because it was lowkey WAY too dangerous to do it indoors.
Uhhhh okay then she's gonna go on her phone or something and message one of her friends.. Yeahhh..
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[Primrose]
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Me: prim
Priprim
Prim
Pir
Prism
Soace
Space
Prinrpwjje
Lesbian
Proke
Prim
Space girl
Prim
Primprlr
PRIMROSE ANSWER NOW
Ugh you're probably doing productive stuff
Couldn't be me
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space girl: WHAT DO YOU WANT OH MY GOD
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Me: hiiii
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space girl: hey
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Me: yeah so im bored asf its raining SO hard over here i may actually kms
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space girl: youre already dead tho
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Me: sybau you know what i meant
but yeah im bored can we talk or something
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space girl: uhhh im kinda busy.. being somewhere else
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Me: where
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space girl: um
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Me: okay cool I'll just go annoy the bird then
CYA PRIM!!!
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space girl: byee
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Well that went well. Bad news, Martha's still bored as fuck and actually did consider going outside anyways because theres nothing to do, before then remembering that doing so wouldn't really end well at all.ย
Gosh, how was she able to spend all those years alone before actually interacting with other people? Oh well.ย
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She eventually just settles for scrolling on her phone, looking for something that can stimulate her overactive BRAINROTTTED mind!!!!!
".. What the- that one president is still alive? I could've sworn he died long ago.."
The witch thought to herself as she came across the 67th tiktok of someone crying because that STUPID orange man banned women from breathing or some shit I don't even know atp bro
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Anyways, Martha didn't have to worry about everything going to shit due to that guy because she didn't necessarily need to follow the country's orders (shes been recorded legally dead since 1692), but like damn okay how bad even was this guy dawg๐
Well.. He's had an assassination attempt happen to him, like, 2 other times.. And they all failed. Skill issue ngl :/
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Basically, the idea was: Everyone hates this man, and everyone wants him dead, they would likely cheer when he dies, and everyone would be happier, him dying would essentially be equivalent to world peace, and it would just be better for everyone in general.
Okay.
Assassinating someone can't be that hard.
She could do that. She's bored as hell, so..
Not right now though, it's still raining and freezing and she'd rather do this when the rain had settled.
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The witch took a moment to flowstatedihhkirkuinely think about if she should actually do this, before deciding on a 'HELL YEAH VRO ๐ฅนโ๏ธ' and immediately goes to call the two people that she knows are uhh..
They're uh..
They're okayish with this stuff, probably.
She didn't really bother to tell them exactly what she was planning, only that it was 'SUPER IMPORTANT STUFF THAT THEY NEEDED TO MEET UP TO TALK ABOUT TOMORROW MORNING!!!!' which.. Wasn't exactly a lie if you thought about it?
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Martha decided that she would just..
Eat garlic bread and um like.. Uh..
Watch Moral Orel.. Until she decided to sleep..
Yeahhhh...
The Moral Orel part may genuinely be a horrible idea because every time she watches it she starts crying over 20% of the episodes.
Okay I can't write characters going to sleep just imagine she proceeds to go sleep next to Lovell idk dude 123 I want yuri
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The sun was barely up, warm rays highlighting the house, the scent of grass could be noticed at like outside woahhh!!!
Martha had exited her home, walking through the forest she knew like the back of her mind, the damp soil was uh.. damp..
The witch smiled softly as the sunlight had hit her face, her horrific depth perception due to the state of her left eye making it a bit hard to navigate, but she could manage just fine.
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Eventually, she came across a fairy ring, her favourite part of the forest, as it always gave her a feeling of familiarity.
Okay, cool. This is where she would be meeting the other two.
Now all she had to do was wait.
Waiting..
Martha was good at waiting.
She could practically zone out and block out any sound and feeling with no problem, making it seem like she had only waited for a second!
When she had first told someone about this, they said it was concerning and not normal.
But literally everything about her was concerning and abnormal, so who's to say this skill was unusual?
Right.. Okay..
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Eventually she could notice that a hand was waving in front of her face, attempting to get her to focus on everything again.
"Helloooo? Earth to Marthaaaa??" Primrose spoke up, probably concerned but not surprised at this point.
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"Huh-?"
"MARTHA."
"ACK- oh, hiii Prim!!!" The witch happily greeted her friend, acting like she wasn't just in a dissociative episode. Fucking idiot.
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".. Okay uh. Berliner's also here. They're just stuck in that tree up there." The uhh the it the it the flower named terrorist girl replied, pointing up at a tree above the two, a harpy could be seen struggling to free itself from the branches, much to Martha's confusion.
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"Wh- how did they-"
"I dunno, I'm not a bird."
"Well I meannn..
..
Yeah no nevermind."
"I- okay just tell me what this important idea is."
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Right!! The idea!! Okay, time to propose this amazing.. Plan..
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"We're going to assassinate Donald Trump."
".. Pff- haha- hah! Thats a good one-
..
Oh you- you're serious, holy shit."
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There was a moment of silence, which was mainly just Primrose trying to process the fact that Martha was being deadass about this.
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"Ahah, so, um.. Yeah! I just thought that, well, because everyone hates this guy, if he just.. Died, then we would basically achieve the second closest thing to world peace!"
"..."
"Sooo? What do you thi-"
"WHAT EVEN PROMPTED THIS IDEA."
".. Boredom? Oh and I was also SUPER sad and distraught after rewatching Moral Orel."
"Okay, note to self.. Never leave you alone with nothing to do. Ugh- okay fine, let's do this."
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They were both planning to take a train to reach the location (Martha had lowkirkuinely forgotten to bring her broomstick and her lazy fucking ass isn't bothered to go home to get it) when they then heard a voice above them, immediately remembering someone else was coming along.
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"WELL DON'T JUST GO AND LEAVE ME HERE! WHATS THE PLAN??"
"OH right, uh, I'll help free you with a spell or something."
"Also our plan is to kill that president everyone hates."
".. WHAT??"
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โก โ โพโ.โฑ๊งโ ๐ฉเผบโงเผป๐ช โ ๊งโฑ. โพโ โ โก
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The three managed to somehow get through the entire journey without one of them getting killed, which might as well be a miracle on its own. Martha did almost get exorcized by Berliner after she kept singing the labubu song on the train though. Primrose was asleep the entire time because she's a sleep deprived LOSOR!!!!
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Anyways, I don't know how the fuck public transportation works so im gonna assume it would've taken like 7 hours to get there (From Massachusetts to Washington D.C) Soon, they heard the speakers announce the current arrival.
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[Attention passengers, we have arrived at your destination. This is the last stop, so everyone get off NOW!!! Please bring any of your possessions with you, because if any of us find something like the louvre necklace left here, we WILL be selling that shit and splitting the money and quit our jobs ๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค anyways don't mind the gap that you likely WILL fall through, and we hope you all have an amazing rest of your day.]
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"๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ . Martha, go wake up Primrose."
"Wh- WHY ME??"
"HOLY SHIT MARTHA, SHES THE ONE FUCKING LEANING ON YOU, ITS COMMON SENSE THAT THE ONE SITTING NEXT TO HER WOULD-"
"Haha, I rage baited you again!! Also stop swearing so much, you're going to end up in a Hazbin Hotel episode. That's a negative thing."
"..
I genuinely hate you so much right now."
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Primrose woke up anyway due to Berliner beingย an idiot and raising their voice but whatever. They got out of the train (Martha very much DID mind the gap and almost fell because she's genuinely stupid as hell) (oh hey that rhymed) and the trio just stood out there for a second, breathing in the heavily polluted carbon dioxide filled air, except the witch lowk started coughing aggressively upon doing so.
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"EUH- ACK OH MY GOD HOW DO PEOPLE LIVE HERE???"
"I.. don't know, actually.."
"๐ ๐ฐ๐ถ were the one who came up with the idea to get here."
"Ughhh, I knowww... Whatever. Okay, Prim, here's the list of items I thought you could get us for this!" Martha said as she passed a piece of paper to Primrose.ย
Except her handwriting is genuinely so horrifically fancy and cursive that it just looks like a crap ton of wavy lines. Seriously, she'd be better off writing it in code.
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".. Oh! Uh, okay, I can probably do that.." Primrose replied, a little uncertain of what she should get, but still proceeds to read it, before immediately switching to confusion.
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"..Martha, there's two items here, why couldn't you just tell me what to bring."
"๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ I want to give you a list."
"I- I CAN'T EVEN READ THIS, WHY IS IT SO FANCY??"
"It can't be that bad."
"I'm being so deadass right now when I say this shit is harder to read than the average doctor's handwriting.ย Primrose bluntly stated, receiving a sigh from the witch.
"Okay well it can't be any worse than the piss harpy's dumb chicken scratch excuse of handwriting."
"YOU KNOW I CAN HEAR YOU, RIGHT?"
"Heyy, shut up. Anyways, I'm like 67% sure that you have at least SOME kind of weapon and ammunition to use, right?"
"Obviously, but uh, don't you have your wand?"
".. Weeellll..." Martha began to sheepishly explain because shes a fucking idiot
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"I only actually know the spells that are loud as purgatory and have excessive special effects..?"
"Wh- WHY??"
"Comedic effect."
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Primrose just stared at Martha (and not in the yuri way ๐๐) in pure confusion, before giving up trying to question any further and ended up giving the other a machine gun, along with some ammo. "This should be good enough. Probably. Donald Trump is likely invincible considering everything that he's gone through.โ
โThanks!! Okay, now..โ Martha spoke as she turned towards Berliner.
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โ๐ ๐ฐ๐ถ have good eyesight. I think. Birds are accurate with that stuff, right?โ
โ.. Yes..? What about it.โ The harpy sceptically replied, NOT trusting the other person one bit because they're stupid.
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โWell.. You see, my depth perception is just a tad bit off-โ โYeah no I'd say it's a little more than โa tad bit offโ.โ โShut up- and I was thinking you could be the one to like, tell me when to shoot??โ
โDo I have a choice?โ
โNo hoeโ
Berliner probably contemplated their life choices leading up to this moment, but whatever.ย
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โ.. Alright then! We're all set, now we just have to walk to the White House!โ Martha cheerfully stated as she began walking towards the general direction, quickly being followed by the other two.
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After a few minutes of walking, the harpy spoke up, โ.. So, is Lovell just casual about the fact that we travelled to a whole other area just to assassinate this guy?โ They said with genuine curiosity. Which is like holy shit wdym Berliner is interested in what Martha has to say for once
โOh, I told her we were all going to a labubu convention! ^^โ
โOh, alri- WHAT.โ
โOh hey, that sounds quite nice, actually..โ
โWE'RE NOT ACTUALLY GOING, ๐๐๐๐๐.โ
โAw man..โ This stupid ass lesbian terrorist oh my god sheโs genuinely disappointed about not going to a labubu convention๐
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โ.. Okay, anyways, why did you even need to get us specifically for help? You could've gotten Trixxy to assassinate this guy, sheโs good with that stuff, right? It wouldnโt even be a hard ask, you two are fairly close as far as I can tell.โ
As soon as Martha heard that question, she immediately realised that as much as she'd hate to admit, Berliner had a point..
โOh, well.. Um.
Crap.
โฆ
Whatever, you two are practically my best friends anyway.โ
โAwww!!!โ
โWe are NOT best friends, holy shit dude.โ
โYeah well, I may not be your best friend, but you're MY best friend, okay?โ
โ... Whatโ
โOkay let's just continue walking, we have a president to kill.โ
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The three like probably made it to the White House shortly after because I don't fucking know how travelling works bro I live in Britain we don't travel over here cuh ๐๐
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They like lowkirkuinely snuck inside through the window (They still don't know how they managed to do that without getting spotted and immediately shot down, Martha says it was her amazing lฬถeฬถsฬถbฬถiฬถaฬถnฬถย powers of awesomeness, although Berliner begs to differ.), and found the REALLY EVIL SCARY PRESIDENT on the phone!! I think?? Guys please help idk how this creature works.. They hid behind a wall or something..
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โAha!! Bingo!! Okay, uhh.. Now to use the machine gun-โ Martha whispered, trying not to get the STUPID ORANGE to hear her as she got out the weapon and tried to aim. Turns out Primrose also had to help her hold a gun properly because this stupid idiot isn't used to using one and quickly realised that it is NOT the same as using a wand.
โNo no, you have to hold it like this- like- no STOP-โ โLike this??โ โMARTHA YOU'RE GOING TO SHOOT YOURSELF IN YOUR ONLY OTHER WORKING EYE-โ โHmm..โ โSTOP LOOKING INTO IT LIKE A CARTOON CHARACTER HOLY SHIT-โ
โSHUT UP. YOU'RE GOING TO GET US SPOTTED!โ
โAS IF YOU'RE HELPING!โ
โUGH- Wait no genuinely shut up he's saying something-โ
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The two kinda didn't listen and continued silently arguing over how to accurately aim the gun, meanwhile D-donald trumpie-chan!! Was saying STUPID shit like โOkay cuh so I think we should make an AmeriCube, trapping everyone in America with a cube to ensure that no filthy immigrant will enter our beautiful country!! I will make this change irreversible in oeuen fiss huh.. Twuou fiss huh.. Thr- OWWWWUAUGWVABLWHUAGYWVUAMY FACE AUHWBAOJBWUOVAOUGWIYVLIAHCWUOTCAIYVWIYVAYOVWHAUWYBAIWNGABWGA HELPEJHAIVWUAUWV9UAVUYVWBA WNUAUWBAUOWNIAHW AUEJABIBWIJWOJWIBAOUVWHIVAIUโ
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Theres a moment of silence, before Berliner proceeds to turn to the two LESBIANS (except one is huzzless and the other has a ring ๐ค๐ค), only to see them looking utterly shocked, both holding the machine gun. Yeah so basically while they were stupidly arguing and messing around, they unintentionally aimed at the FUCKASS presidentโs head and fired at him 67 times. How? Idk bro, maybe Primrose has special guns with unlimited ammo.(PLEASE CRACK ME PRIMROSE)
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โ.. Oh my cross we did it. We actually did it.โ Yeah no shit Martha you literally wanted to do that in the first place out of boredom๐๐
โRightfully so, that idiot was going to launch a cube onto us! Somehow.
He couldn't even properly say how to count to three, what a dumbass- I bet he'd struggle at reading Dr. Seuss books..โ
โWait so this universe is technically more habitable now.. No more ICE agents. Now they wonโt come to my door and shoot up my ass for being Hawaiian!!! ๐ฅน๐ฅนโ
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โOkay you know what this calls for?โ The witch began, as she pushed the machine gun into Primrose's hands. โWE'RE GOING TO THE LABUBU CONVENTION. It's only a few minutes away from here, too!โ She joymaxxingly stated, already beginning to walk away.
โWH- WHAT. I THOUGHT YOU SAID WE WEREN'T ACTUALLY GOING!?โ The harpy retorted, clearly the lacking joy and whimsy required to be happy for a labubu convention.
โUh, yeah, but now we killed the president. So we're going to a labubu convention.โ Martha shot back, seemingly confused on why Berliner would think otherwise.
โI- WH-โ โI told Lovell that we were going to a labubu convention, are you suggesting that I would lie to my wife about where we're going?? Are you genuinely assuming I'm the type of person to use someone's trust like a filthy liar?? Wow Berliner, I really thought you knew me..โ
"I DIDN'T- YOU- okay fine, let's go.โ stupid piss harpy sighs in defeat or something, walking along with the witch, quickly being followed by Primrose.
โYaaayyy!!โ
โNever say that shit again oh my god you sound like a toddler saying that.โ
โ:(โ
โBerliner bro I WILL shoot you nextโ
โOKAY OKAY CHILL OUT, GOSH.
..And stop using the word 'cross' so often, I get that it's a 'force of habit' (imagine a stupid bird doing quotation mark hand gestures) or whatever from that cult, but still.โ
"I- Wait, you actually care?? You, Berliner Kuchler, the stupid ass piss harpy that hates every fibre of my existance, cares about my wellbeing?? Wow!"
"Oh, shut up."
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So the trio went to a labubu convention, and uhh I dunno they genuinely had a fun time. Maybe everyone except for Berliner idfk bro๐๐ anyways yayyy the universe is slightly better because of donald trump's death!!!!! โค๏ธโ๐ฉนโค๏ธโ๐ฉนโค๏ธโ๐ฉนโค๏ธโ๐ฉน
okay bye oh my god this took way too long to write/colour and its not even that good its only like 3k words im sorry guys
you genuinely don't get how hard it was to learn how to colour the text and then manually write the code for every piece of speech because this dumb website doesn't let me copy and paste it, im being so deadass rn it just deletes the text when i copy and paste it please interact with this fic guys im begging you i love recieving comments
ALSO IF ANY OF YOU READ THE AMAZING WORLD OF WOKE FIC THEN SHHHHHSHSHSHSHHSSHHSHSH SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP ILL UPDATE IT SOME DAY WHEN I ACTUALLY FEEL LIKE IT..
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