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"Saiki-saaaan~" Toritsuka calls out, behind Saiki who begins to speed up the second he hears the medium's voice. "Hey! Where are you going?" Toritsuka yells, trying to keep up.
Saiki stops dead in his tracks and turns around to face Toritsuka, who nearly falls over at the sudden stop (Saiki catches him with his powers).
"Woah, did you do that?"
(No.) Saiki was lying.
"Liar. Anyway, wh-"
(Stop following me for today. I want some quiet.)
Toritsuka makes an expression akin to a pleading puppy.
"Ku-chan..."
(Don't puppy eye me. I'm serious. And don't call me that either.)
Toritsuka scoffs. "You're so mean to your own boyfriend. What if a car hit me right now and I died?"
(That's not going to happen. Anyway, just leave me alone. I'll see you tomorrow.) Saiki turns back around and continues walking.
"You're not even going to say bye properly to me?" Saiki stops and turns his head to see the medium pouting. His heart twinges a bit. He probably should. But right now all he wants to do is drown out all the noise in his head, so he'll do it later.
(I'll see you tomorrow, Toritsuka.) With that, Saiki teleports back to his house, leaving Toritsuka in the street.
Now in his room, Saiki puts down his schoolbag, beginning to change out of his school uniform and into casual clothing. School was overwhelming today, and all he wanted to do was put his germanium ring on and wind down. Within the next few minutes, he does just that, and he lays down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling.
It's quiet now. Naturally, he recalls his interaction with Toritsuka just a few moments before. He frowns, heart feeling heavy as he thinks about it. Toritsuka's like a puppy. Or a parasite. Maybe a weird cross between the two. Saiki can be as cold as he wants and yet he'll still cling to him. He normally wouldn't feel bad about leaving Toritsuka like that, especially when he's overwhelmed like he was today, but that changed when they started dating.
Am I an asshole?
The thought lingers in his mind. Saiki could laugh. He can't believe he's not only worrying about the feelings of Toritsuka Reita, but he's worried because they're dating. If you had told the psychic even just a few months ago that he'd be dating the medium, he would have uncharacteristically laughed in your face. Maybe even slapped you for suggesting such a thing.
Now they're dating, and Saiki's thinking back on every time Toritsuka put in effort, showed affection, did things for him that he didn't have to do — meanwhile, Saiki can't think of anything significant that he's done for Toritsuka. Obviously he hasn't done nothing for Toritsuka. But he definitely hasn't been as affectionate or as devoting as Toritsuka likes to be.
Even now, he left Toritsuka, his own boyfriend, in the street, just because he was overwhelmed. In other words, he probably is an asshole. Not just an asshole, a self-centered one. And if Toritsuka had ever grown a spine, he would have left him long ago, probably before they even dated. Because who wants to date somebody they're devoted to that doesn't devote themselves back?
No normal person, that's for sure; Toritsuka is anything but. It's not even that Saiki doesn't like Toritsuka back, because (unfortunately) he does. Saiki just doesn't show affection the same way. Maybe he's showing affection the wrong way? What even is the right way? Saiki physically shakes his head. He's getting off track. Nothing will get solved if he just dwells on the same thoughts forever. He should find Toritsuka and get it over with before he spirals about how bad of a boyfriend he's been.
Saiki removes his ring and teleports to the temple where the medium resides, just outside his room, and stands outside the door, hesitating. This was probably a mistake. He doesn't even know what he's going to say to Toritsuka. Sorry? Saiki cringes. He nervously fidgets with his hands outside the door before grabbing the doorknob. He doesn't make any motion to turn it open, though. He just holds it and stares at his own faint reflection on the stained metal.
Maybe he's overthinking it. Knowing Toritsuka, he probably doesn't even care. Saiki could teleport back, carry on with his evening, go to sleep, wake up, go back to school, and the guy would run to him with open arms like nothing had ever happened. It's tempting for Saiki to just not apologize and carry on. It's comfortable. It's the usual. But it doesn't feel right.
He recalls a few words from his mother when he was little. It was after Saiki had used his powers to trip a kid who had been making fun of Akechi. Somehow the little shit had found a way to blame it on Saiki. He doesn't remember what — the memory was from a long time ago so it gets fuzzy — but he does remember ending up in a profoundly uncomfortable conversation with his mother.
"Ku-chan," she had told him after he came back from school, a disappointed look on her face. "Your teacher called. I could've sworn I taught you better than to trip your own classmates! That's not nice at all."
Saiki had tried to explain to his mother that the classmate in question had been making fun of his friend, therefore he deserved it, and that he had only used his powers to make him stumble, he hadn't stuck his foot out to trip him or anything. This didn't make his mother any happier; in fact, she was even more disappointed learning that he had not only used his powers at school, but had used them to do something "mean" (her words, not his).
Despite young Saiki's protests, his mother had proceeded to drag him to school and make him apologize to the kid he had tripped. He did so as the kid stared down at him with a shit-eating grin. Saiki cringes at the memory, anger bubbling in his gut even though it was such an old event. He should have made him really eat shit. Anyway, whatever. He doesn't want to think about that anymore.
Saiki's still outside the door to Toritsuka's room, clutching the doorknob. He sighs and slowly lets go of it. He needs time to think, and he needs to leave before this guy sees him and talks to him before he's ready. Saiki teleports back to his room and grabs his ring, putting it back on before beginning to pace back and forth around his room, hand fidgeting with his own chin. Time to think.
How does one apologize?
Saiki has a much lower tolerance for wrongdoings. He's gotten mad at Toritsuka for crossing the line before, and Toritsuka, like the clingy freak he is, always came back almost immediately after to apologize, because the amount of time that he can handle physical distance from his boyfriend isn't long, and that amount of time shrinks massively when Saiki is mad at him.
When Toritsuka apologizes to Saiki, it's often an ample amount of "I'm so sorry, Saiki-san!"'s paired with 2 or more coffee jellies. Never less than 2, because the conversion rate is 1 coffee jelly for a small favor, 2 minimum for a possible acceptance of an apology, and 3 minimum for a big favor. Saiki wonders if this makes his relationship transactional.
Anyway, maybe Saiki should do the same. Not the excessive apologizing and the clinginess part, but pairing his apology with a gift so it's more appealing to accept. Which is probably not too ethical, but it seems like a breakthrough for Saiki who doesn't know shit about apologizing to people. He doesn't even count that one time from when he was a kid as experience because he didn't, and still doesn't, even feel sorry about it. At least he has an okay plan now.
What does Toritsuka even like, though? Saiki mentally face-palms for not knowing what his own boyfriend likes. Whatever. He tries to think long and hard, imagining his own mind as a file cabinet, each folder separating thousands of his own memories. He sifts through the folders in the imaginary cabinet before thinking of a small moment between him and the medium. He replays it in his mind.
"You really like coffee jelly, huh?"
They were on the school rooftop. Toritsuka had convinced Saiki to eat lunch with him up there, knowing Saiki hated eating in the cafeteria. It's loud, full of people, and bringing his ring to school isn't exactly an option because he depends on using his mind-reading to be aware of who and what is around him too much for him to wear it at school. This time, though, he brought his ring and wore it as he ate lunch with the medium, who had brought him coffee jelly in exchange. Saiki thinks back on this moment with a slight laugh, because Toritsuka admitted much later to developing a crush on him in that moment.
Saiki had nodded in response, spoon still in his mouth. Toritsuka hummed in satisfaction.
"Nice, nice. I'm not a big fan of sweets, personally. I think I only like red bean. I used to eat a lot of it as a kid."
Saiki remembers telling Toritsuka that his prayer beads looked like red beans, and Toritsuka had laughed.
"You're right! You know what, I'm gonna keep them on forever just 'cause you said that."
Saiki's brought back to the present. Red bean. Okay. What kind of desserts have red bean? He's seen red bean anpan on display before at his local bakery, the one he always goes to for his fix of coffee jelly. Okay. How much was it, 100 yen? He searches around his room for his wallet and fishes out a coin. Apport.
In an instant, the coin in his hand is replaced by one red bean anpan. Two mistakes here. One, he should get at least two anpans, to make it fair to his own conversion rate. Two, he needs a bag for them. He contemplates going to the bakery himself but decides against it. What a hassle.
...
Ugh. He apports the anpan back, retrieving his 100 yen coin and grabbing another before teleporting himself outside the bakery. Toritsuka would willingly walk anywhere to buy him coffee jelly when he wanted to apologize, so he should do the same. He strides in like usual, as if he were to get his fix right then and there. Except he's not, and he reminds himself what he's there for so he doesn't lose track of the objective.
He walks towards the counter, where there's a display area for pastries. He spots the red bean anpan fairly quickly, and buys two. He almost wants to get himself a coffee jelly, but resists the temptation. Another time. Now carrying a white paper bag with two red bean anpan, he now has his apology decoration prepared. He teleports back to his room and sets the bag down on his desk.
Now time for the hard part. Apologizing. Saiki has no idea where to start. He looks back over to the white bag with the pastries he just bought. Maybe he can just wing it? Toritsuka really likes him — again, he probably won't care. Not very ethical, but Saiki just wants to get this over with. Okay. He teleports back outside the door to Toritsuka's room and stands there again, this time with the pastries in hand.
He can do this.
No, he can't.
He should be able to. But he's... scared?
Saiki's staring so hard into the wooden door that he could bore holes through it, which isn't even an overexaggeration. Maybe if he had his limiters and glasses off.
What if he actually did hurt Toritsuka's feelings and he's crying or something right now? He doesn't hear crying, but people can cry silently. He would know. What if they actually have to talk it out? Not that it would be bad, because it's kind of what he came here for, but it would be insanely awkward for Saiki. He fidgets with his hands once more. Then he hears a noise. The creaking of wood. He whips his head around to see a familiar face. It's Toritsuka, dripping wet hair, holding a towel, slight confusion etched into his face.
"Saiki-san?"
Saiki gulps.
(..Hi.)
Toritsuka smiles, to Saiki's surprise.
"Hi! Let's go into my room." He walks over to Saiki and opens the door to his room, guiding both of them inside.
Once inside, Toritsuka plops down on the bed and pats the spot next to him. Saiki shakes his head, declining, then hands the medium the bag carrying the anpan Saiki bought. Toritsuka accepts it, opens it, then looks inside. He smiles, realizing what it is, then looks back up with an excited expression.
"Is this for me?"
(Yeah.)
"Saiki-san..! Thank you! But.." Toritsuka tilts his head to the side, slight confusion in his expression again. Saiki's stomach twists a little, shoulders tensing.
"You never give me gifts, or really come to my house, why now?"
Saiki relaxes again. He was expecting worse.
(I came because I wanted to say sorry. For being mean earlier.)
"Being mean? What are you talking about?"
Saiki's eye twitches. I hope the ceiling collapses and falls on top of me right now.
(I left you standing alone in the street and didn't even say bye.)
"Oh, that? You always do that, so I'm used to it. Thanks for the anpan though!"
Saiki winces, watching Toritsuka set the bag aside. That doesn't make me feel any better.
(Yeah, that's the thing. I don't want to be a jerk. I.. I feel like I never put in the same amount of effort into the relationship as you.)
"Huh? You're not a jerk. Seriously, I don't really care.." Toritsuka replies, then blushes a little. "Buuut.. I wouldn't mind a kis--"
(Nevermind. Bye.)
"Wait!" Toritsuka exclaims. "Before you leave — it's fine, seriously. It's not like I really need affection or anything. It would be nice if you were more affectionate, but I really don't want to bother you."
Is he serious? Saiki examines his face. He even heard Toritsuka's thoughts before and after saying that. There's no trace of Toritsuka lying or joking, or saying one thing while meaning another. He really thinks that?
(I'm not actually leaving. And that's not the problem. I don't want to treat you like you're a toy to play with and throw away. I never do anything for you. It makes me feel bad. If we're dating, I should put in effort on my part as well.)
"Okay, intellectual. When did you become a relationship expert? Really, though, I'm like.. an ant compared to you with your powers. I really don't deserve any affection from you, I mean I have powers, but they're nothing compared to yours-"
(Stop that. I'm not a god. And what do powers have to do with that?)
"O Saiki-sama please grant me a singular kis— Ow!" Toritsuka earns himself a quick slap on the arm for that.
(And don't devalue yourself. What do you mean you don't deserve affection from your own boyfriend?)
Toritsuka goes silent for a bit. "I'm used to your coldness. There's really no need for anything more, I mean.. unless you want to, but again. I don't want to bother you or anything."
(It's not about whether I want to or not, Toritsuka. You deserve love and care just as much as everyone else. Especially from your own boyfriend.) Saiki cringes after saying this because he already knows what reaction his boyfriend will have to such an uncharacteristically sappy response.
As expected, Toritsuka fake-sniffles and playfully pretends to wipe a tear away. "S-Saiki-chan.. I can't believe you just said something so sweet.."
(Be serious.)
The medium laughs a little at his own joke. Lame. Then he looks Saiki in the eyes. "Okay, well. If you really think that... then show it." He says this with an irritatingly smug tone and expression. It pisses Saiki off so much that he lunges forward to kiss Toritsuka right on the mouth. The awful things that anger makes him do.
Toritsuka kisses back, wrapping his arms around Saiki. They kiss for a second before Toritsuka starts pushing him off. Saiki pulls back, confused.
"Wait, dude — I gotta shoo all these ghosts away. I got a lady in my ear asking if I'm a fag."
Saiki furrows his eyebrows. Right. Ghosts. Toritsuka's still touching him, so he turns around to see several ghosts here and there around the medium's room. It's not like there's a party of them in his room, but it's still several too many for his liking.
( ...How do you live like this?)
"It takes 18 years of experience. I could ask you the same about all your powers."
(Right.)
"Anyway, shoo, shoo! Everyone out or I'll start hanging up talismans around my room! Out!"
One by one, the ghosts start to leave until it's just Saiki and Toritsuka. Saiki turns back to face his boyfriend. Toritsuka's already staring into his eyes. It takes about a second of tension before they're kissing once more. Once they pull back again, Saiki rolls off to the side to lay down next to Toritsuka on his bed.
"I wish we could kiss forever.."
(I wish so too, but only because I'd never have to hear you speak again. Or laugh at your own jokes like a loser.)
"Aww.. wait. What?"
Saiki snorts.
"Hey, you're laughing at your own joke too!"
(Wrong. That was a fact, not a joke.)
They laugh together a bit, Saiki's laugh much quieter than Toritsuka's.
"Hey, by the way. I can't believe you actually apologized for something to me. And you even got me a gift. I haven't eaten anpan in so long. So thanks, Saiki-san."
Saiki tenses up, a little embarrassed.
(..Yeah.)
Toritsuka grabs his hand, squeezing lightly.
"That probably took effort. Because I can't remember if you've ever apologized to me before. So good job, I think. I... Saiki-san, I love you, dude. So much. Like, actually. It's okay if you're not as affectionate as me."
Saiki smiles, exhaling sharply. His heart feels warm. He really does like this loser.
(I love you too, dude.)
Toritsuka rolls over and latches onto Saiki in response. Saiki can hear all sorts of sappy thoughts coming from Toritsuka's mind. They're all lovey-dovey and go along the same lines of 'I love you Saiki-san'. Saiki closes his eyes and lifts his own arms, hugging Toritsuka back. He even presses a quick, daring kiss to Toritsuka's head. Saiki scans for a reaction, but the medium just hums in satisfaction, nuzzling deeper into the crook of Saiki's neck.
This is okay.
Saiki can try to do this more often.