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“Mike Mike Mike, Mom says you-”
“Shh!” Mike hissed, stopping Holly in her tracks. Her hand was still on his doorknob, but her grip had slackened, because what?
Mike was lying in bed (which was ridiculous, because it was almost ten, and sure, it was a Saturday, but Mike had never slept late, not since Holly could ever remember), hair still messy from sleep, his lamp casting the room in soft golden rays. But that wasn’t the strange part. No, actually, that wasn’t the strange part at all.
Someone was lying against Mike, his face smushed into Mike’s chest. She couldn’t see his face, but Holly knew that brown hair anywhere- it was the hair that highlighted her dreams. She could see his arms buried beneath Mike, holding him while Mike had a comic balanced against his back, peering over his head, and…
Her expression must have betrayed her, because Mike’s expression paled, and he closed his comic. “It’s not- I mean-”
“Why is Will in your room? I thought he was in the basement.” She’d actually been on her way there next- but if he was in Mike’s room… “Is he okay?”
Mike’s expression softened. “Ya, he just… bad dream. And it was too late to set up the rollaway, so he just slept in my bed last night.”
“...With you?” She didn’t like how her voice sounded, even to her own ears. She sounded an awful lot like Nancy right now, the way she got when she disapproved of whatever it was Holly was doing.
Mike closed his eyes tightly for a second before smiling at her. “Yes, Holiday, because it was late and it was cold, and hey, if you close the door and forget to mention this to Mom and Dad, I’ll give you five dollars.”
Holly opened her mouth to answer- keeping secrets from your parents is wrong- when Will stirred, his head lifting off her brother’s chest.
“Who’re you talking to?” His voice was soft and thick with sleep, but Holly managed to catch it well enough.
“Breakfast is getting cold,” she announced, remembering the purpose for her visit in the first place. “Morning, Will.” Did she sound casual? She was going for casual, but whenever she tried to be casual around Will, her voice always ended up squeaking.
Will whipped around, ripping his arms out from under Mike, and Holly giggled when they both toppled. When Will resurfaced from his spot on the floor- how was he still so fairy-tale handsome, even moments after waking up?- he smiled at her. “Morning, Holls.”
Her stomach flipped, the way it did whenever Will called her that- Holls.
“You want that five bucks or not?” Mike snapped as he got up, and based on how red his cheeks were, he was officially annoyed. Plus, five dollars could buy her that new headband pack from Claire’s…
“Fine,” she said, and as she closed the door, she waved at Will, who had begun to strip himself of his- wait, no, Mike’s- David Bowie shirt. What a sight.
“So,” Mary chirped, zipping her backpack. “Is your brother in love with me yet?”
Holly snorted. “No, Mary. My brother has not fallen in love with you since Friday.”
“But it’s been three whole days!” Mary whined, linking their arms and dragging her down the hallway. “Did you even mention me to him?”
“I tried,” Holly said. She pictured Mike’s face- closed off all weekend, the five-dollar bill dropped in front of her like hush money. “But he’s being weird.”
“He’s cute.”
“Barf.” Holly groaned. “Out of every boy in the world, you have to like my brother?”
Mary grinned. “You like your brother’s best friend.”
Holly stopped dead. “Shh!”
“It’s true,” Mary sang, spinning her locker dial. “Holly loves Will, Holly loves Will-”
Holly slapped a hand over her mouth, both of them giggling. When Mary finally quieted, a thought she’d been trying not to think slipped loose.
“Hey,” Holly said. “Is it weird if two boys sleep in the same bed?”
Mary frowned, considering. “At sleepovers? We do.”
“I mean older boys. Like, almost graduated.”
Mary’s eyes widened. “Are they kissing?”
“No!” Holly said too fast. Her heart tripped. “Will just had a nightmare.”
Mary shrugged. “Then it’s probably fine.”
Holly nodded, relieved. Of course it was fine. Mike wasn’t gay. Will wasn’t gay. Not like the scary, sick men on the news. If they wanted to kiss, they would have been kissing.
And they hadn’t been.
They’d just been sleeping.
Right?
Right.
“You’re such an asshole!” Mike yelled, throwing his fork down, and Holly nearly ripped the lock of hair she was twisting around her finger out.
“Michael!” their mother snapped. “Language!”
But Mike didn’t listen- in fact, Holly wasn’t sure he even heard. He was red cheeked, and his eyes were angry, like when she interrupted a campaign. “This is such bullshit!”
“You live in this house, you obey my rules!” their father yelled back, slamming a hand on the table, and now Holly really wanted to cry. She hated it when Mike and their dad fought- which seemed to be more and more these days.
Dinner had started nicely enough- they ate meatloaf and she told her parents about the science project she was working on- she was nearly finished sculpting the galaxy out of clay. It was a quiet dinner, and she had wished Will was here to talk about art with her. He had gone back to his family's cabin for dinner tonight, like he did every Tuesday and Thursday, and Holly hated how empty the house felt when he was gone. It was like he took all of the sunlight with him.
So yeah, dinner had been fine- that was, until her dad mentioned how maybe it was time for Will to get out. Like, permanently.
And then things went downhill.
Because Holly had gotten sad- a big, deep crater of sad that plummeted into her chest. She had barely seen Will before he moved in- he and Mike were always leaving, off to go hang out with the big kids, and when he was at their house, he was always in Mike’s room, or in the basement.
And she liked seeing Will- obviously, for her totally embarrassing crush’s sake, but also because, well, they were friends. Actual friends, not like her and Steffie, no, friends like her and Mary. He helped her with her drawings, and would have her sit for hours while he practiced drawing her, telling her funny stories about high school, things Mike never filled her in on- like why Max was mad at Lucas this week, and how Chance from the basketball team was actually really funny, and he’d always get too far into a story before saying, ‘I really shouldn’t tell you this’ but then tell her anyways (she had no idea Mike smoked- just wait until Mary found out). He made her feel grown up, letting her in on the parts of his life Mike seemed so adamant on keeping her out of.
And he swore in front of her. He said curse words like bitch and fuck, and always made her promise not to repeat them.
(She did. She practiced them in her mirror until they started to sound natural, like something a cool older girl would say.)
And she didn’t want him to leave. So she’d started to get teary, and then Mike had gotten mad.
“You’re a dictator!” Mike snapped, and shoved his chair back.
“Oh, a dictator? You wanna know about dictatorship? Why don’t you join the army, do something with your pathetic excuse for a life, instead of hiding out in the basement with that little fairy all the time!”
Mike went very still.
Very, very still.
“Don’t,” he said quietly.
Ted opened his mouth, and Mike’s chair slammed back. “Don’t,” he repeated, louder now, shaking. “You don’t get to talk about Will like that. In fact-” He threw down his napkin. “Fuck you!” Mike spit out and stormed out of the dining room. Holly waited until the front door slammed before daring to look up again.
Her father’s chest was heaving, his face red and twisted. Her mother’s brows were drawn, like she was mad, and her jaw was rocking.
“I don’t want to hear it, Karen,” her dad said gruffly.
“I didn’t say anything.”
“But you’re thinking it.”
“Can we not-” Her eyes shot over to Holly, who busied herself with her mashed potatoes. “In front of our child? We can discuss this later.”
“Holly’s old enough-”
“-She’s twelve-”
“She can handle adult conversations.” Then, to her absolute horror, her father turned to her. “Holly, what do you think about Will living here? Do you agree with me, that he’s freeloading because his crazy mother wanted to dump him on us, or are you with your junkhead brother, who’s happy to let his little friend eat our food and sleep in our house on our dime?”
“Will has a job, he pays for-”
“I’m not talking to you, Karen, I’m talking to our daughter.”
Holly’s lip trembled, despite her best efforts to control it. “I…”
“Yes?”
“I don’t want Will to go!” Hot tears burst from her eyes, and her nose ran. Her sobs wracked her body, her vision blurring.
She immediately felt arms around her, and her mother’s sweet perfume filled her senses. “Shh,” she cooed, and Holly leaned into her touch. “It’s okay sweetie, it’s all okay.” Then, to her father, “See what you did, Ted?”
Once her sobs had softened to little hiccups, she wiped her eyes, suddenly feeling embarrassed. She was too old for this, to be throwing tantrums like a baby.
“I’m sorry,” her father said quietly. “Give me a hug?”
She complied, wrapping her arms tight around her dad’s neck. He gave the best hugs. When she pulled away, he cleared his throat. “Clear up the dishes, already, sweetheart? We can split a Raider bar.”
She knew what he wasn’t saying- go make yourself busy somewhere you won’t hear me and your mother, probably fighting. It seemed like all her parents did these days was fight. God, she was so sick of the fighting. She’s gotten good at ignoring it- blasting her walkman and working on her next campaign until all she can hear is her own thoughts over the steady pulse of Tiffany.
She stacked the abandoned plates and brought them to the kitchen. Mike’s plate was still mostly full, and she scraped the remains into the trash.
As she scrubbed, she gazed out the window, into the dark night. The stars were out, blinking over the treetops.
Wait, what was that?
Her eyes focused in on the flicking light in the backyard. A flame flicked a few times before a tiny spot glowed orange and-
Bee-gee’s knees, Mike was smoking.
She finished the dishes as quickly as she could, only scalding her hands a little, before slipping out the back door, her parents raised voices masking the sound.
“Mike?” she whispered as she hurried down the steps. “Mike, is that you?”
“Jesus!” she heard him hiss, and he came into view just as he snubbed his cigarette out. “Holly, what are you doing out here?”
“You don’t need to hide it from me. Will already told me.”
“Told you, told you- wait, what? What did Will tell you-”
“About you smoking. You don’t need to pretend like you weren’t.”
Mike sighed, his entire body sagging. “Oh. That.” He pursed his lips. “Smoking is bad. Don’t do it.” Then he placed another one between his lips and lit it. “I’m sorry I ruined dinner.”
She watched the way he exhaled the puff of smoke, how it faded into the night. Mike looked so grown up right now, the glowing bud lighting the long shadows of his face. “You didn’t. Dad did.”
“He kind of did, didn’t he?”
“I don’t get why he wants Will to move out. I mean, he pays for groceries, and he sleeps in the basement, and he’s nice- why is Dad suddenly so upset about it?”
Mike grimaced. “He… look, Holly. You’re young.”
“I’m not-”
“Younger than me. So Dad doesn’t really see you as a fully-fledged person with, like, thoughts and stuff. You’re still his little girl. And I’m just the fuck-up- don’t repeat that- who doesn’t fit into his idea of what a son should be. Even after… everything, he still thinks I’m not, like, man enough or whatever.”
“But that’s bullshit!”
“Language!”
“You just said fuck.” She was pleased by how easily it rolled off her tongue. “You’re a good son.”
“Not good enough for him. And to him, Will is just another reason I’m not quite right. So I guess he thinks if Will moves out, then… I don’t know. I can’t read his mind.”
“Me neither.” She looked down at her shoes. The damp grass made them shiny. “I wish Nancy was here. She can.”
“Tell me about it.” He leaned against the tree. “It’s different without her. Weird.”
“But Will makes it less weird. I like having him here, Mike. I don’t want him to go.”
“That’s only because you have a crush on him.”
He said it so casually, joking, even, but her cheeks flamed. “No I don’t.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Sure.”
“I don’t.”
“I believe you!”
Except he didn’t and she knew it, and if Mike knew, then Will knew, and if Will knew, her life was absolutely over. And-
“Holly, are you out there?” her mother called.
Mike cursed quietly and dropped his cigarette, stomping on it.
“I’m just saying hi to Fred!” she lied quickly, hiding behind the tree.
“Stop playing with frogs and come wash up. It’s almost bed time.” The door closed, and Holly and Mike exhaled matching sighs of relief.
“That was a close one.”
“Would Mom care that you smoke? She smokes.”
“It’s different now. She wouldn’t like it.”
“But you do it.”
“But I do it.”
“Why?”
“Well.” His face scrunched into his thinking face. “I guess I like it. It calms me down sometimes. But I don’t smoke around Mom or Dad or Will- Will hates the smell. It’s funny, actually, he’s started carrying tic tacs around with him so he doesn’t have to smell it when we- nevermind. You heard Mom. Go wash up, I’ll be in soon. I just wanted to give Dad a little time to cool down.” Right. Dad. Mike. The fight. A knot tightened in Holly’s stomach, and she wondered how Mike would react if she asked if she could have a cigarette. “Hey, Holiday.” He crouched down so they were eye level. “Don’t worry about me and Dad, okay? It’s between us. Nothing to do with you.”
Except her dad had asked her what she thought about it. And she hated to disagree with him, but… she really didn’t want Will to go. Nothing made a Monday morning a little brighter like Will fresh out of the shower, hair all wet and wavy, sweatpants sitting low on his hips…
“Right. Goodnight, Mike. I love you.”
“Love you too, Holiday.”
She was halfway across the lawn when she suddenly stopped, a thought striking her.
“And- Mike?”
“Ya?”
“I don’t think it’s weird that you and Will sleep in the same bed. And I didn’t tell anyone. But I don’t think it’s weird.”
She couldn’t see him, but she somehow felt the air change between them- like something that was pulled taut loosened. And with that new freedom, she skipped up the steps and into the warm house.