Work Text:
“ wise men say only fools rush in ”
☼☼☼☼
ONE: May 2016, 6 pm.
Maya gets an email.
“Top 25 movie love triangles! - Fanpop”
Funny, hilarious really. Life is really having a laugh at Maya.
When did she start getting spam? When did she even start checking her email? What is she? 40 years old?
Maya is not pining, at least, not because of the triangle. In fact, the ex triangle, seeing Riley and Lucas are in the middle of their second first date at the moment.
But everything’s going alright, really. She doesn’t have feelings for Lucas, at least not the kind of feelings Riley does have for him. And that should make everything alright. But Maya isn’t that alright.
Actually, she’s really confused. Maya is back to being herself but yet she feels a lot, and that feels too much, considering the strong fearless woman image she likes to think she built of herself.
So it feels overwhelming. Quite like her walls are tumbling down, and every shield she had to protect herself from the world and all these stupid feelings is suddenly gone, and she’s just tiny. And it’s not like she can tell Riley and wait for her to hold her and protect her from this wild world, because LucasAndHer are actually working this time and she won’t ruin anyone’s happiness. Not again.
So yeah, Maya doesn’t know how to handle this much. She’s not even used to this amount of stuff . Usually, if she has a problem, she will paint to get it out of her, but she’s gone out of supplies and she doesn’t feel like asking Shawn for money, it just doesn’t feel right.
And that’s how she’s ended up in her old computer, checking her email, reading too much into her spam.
And well, she might be pining a little. But she won’t hate herself for that, she’s too tired.
She listens to herself (how not to, her thoughts are loudloudloud ) and considers sleeping. It’s just 6pm, but she tries. She closes her eyes and thinksthinksthinks, so she opens them again and all she sees is her bedroom’s ceiling. Dirty white, with some dark humidity stains and deeply boring. She has to paint that someday, some other day. Just not today.
She finds her phone next to her head and goes through her contacts list.
Ranger Rick
Riles ☼♥
Shawn
Topanga
Uncle Boing (DONT)
Not a chance. No! No. No. Well, as she once typed, she shouldn’t.
Given all the events occurred at the Mountain Ski Lodge, Maya deliberated not having more contact than the needed with Josh. Not that she didn’t want to, of course, but she understands that the “someday” they promised isn’t anywhere near and doesn’t want to get her hopes too high too soon. That would only get Josh to think she still is a little girl that cannot contain herself in front of her crush. Yeah, she trusts herself that much.
But today is different. Today, Maya is seconds from allowing herself a not-that-necessary text. She needs to get away from all her thinking and feeling, even though a part of her is yelling that texting him won’t solve the latter problem but only make it bigger. But Maya’s always been great at avoiding that part of her that insists with all the should s and shouldn’t s, so she types hey and hits Send.
hey :) whats up?
not my mood. Okay, that did come out quite rude.That’s exactly why she wasn’t supposed to text him.
oh okay, wanna talk about it?
not rlly. Again, what’s wrong with her? How is he even supposed to reply to that?
where are you?
Wait, what. That escalated quite fast.
home. why?
text me the address
Maya does as told and minutes pass by as she stares at her ugly ceiling with a confused expression. For some reason Josh is on his way to her house, and she’s for once glad her mom is off working at Topanga’s. Not because this means something, but because she can easily picture her mother showing Josh her embarrassing baby pictures. And the kind of tiptoeing-around-friendly relationship they have isn’t ready for that.
A sound interrupts her line of thoughts and she has to stand up and sit on her bed because she doesn’t understand where it comes from. She hears the sound again and feels kind of stupid for not remembering doorbells are a thing. But hey, she blames Riley and the bay window for that.
She goes to the door and looks at her ratty t-shirt and sweatpants and sighs, she figures it’s too late to fix that as she opens the door.
“I brought donuts. Dinner donuts. Donuts for dinner. I feel wild. I really hope you like donuts.” Josh says as he bounces on his feet.
And just like that, Maya feels herself beam. “I loooove donuts.”
The sight of him making himself comfortable at her sofa as if he wasn’t doing this for the first time seduces her almost as much as the sweet smell that floats in the air as Josh opens the box containing the donuts.
Maya fishes out for a chocolate glazed one and sits not-closer-than-necessary to him. “How’s college?”
“Oh, but isn’t that the worst way to start a conversation?” Josh half laughs, but continues as Maya eats and looks at him with big eyes. “Well, I am surviving and that should count.”
The conversation goes on and so does time as Maya avoids every question aimed to her, and that results in Josh talkingtalkingtalking and Maya commenting, laughing and asking again. That’s how she finds out he’s doing quite fine at the classes he’s taking, but not fine at all with his sleeping schedule. What a nerd.
She feels like everything is going how it is supposed to go until Josh asks. “Maya, why am I really here?”
“Ugh, well, you were the one that decided to come here in a first place. So, tell me Boing. Why are you here?” She replies accusingly.
“Not to talk about myself, that’s for sure.” Josh argues. “Please, I want to help. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“And you do help. See? I’m alright now. Alright and donut-induced-happy.” She signals opening her arms. When he doesn’t laugh at that, she sighs and her expression deflates.“I really don’t want to talk about it. I’m better, just, don’t make me talk about it, okay?”
“Okay.” he replies unsure, his eyes proof of that. “I have to go now, I promised my roommate we’d have a study night and it is night already so-”
“Ooohh, saturday night fun.” Maya mocks.
“I know, but I really have to pass this test. And with my actual knowledge, I’m aware I won’t.”
“It’s alright. You have to do what you have to do.” she smiles. “Go be brilliant! And thanks for coming, you didn’t have to, but-”
“I had to.” Josh objects. “Friends support friends through shitty stuff. And I guess it must be something shitty, being me the one you texted and not Riley.”
Maya swallows and looks down.
“It’s okay, I care about you and I like that you know I’m here for you. So please, don’t doubt texting me. I told you I want you in my life, didn’t I?” Maya looks up, struck by the reminder of what he told her in the ski lodge. “We are friends, aren’t we?” he insists, looking into her eyes.
And those last words sting just a little. Weight so little, such a tiny bit in comparison to the amazing time they’d spent together. That is why she replies: “Yes, that’s what we are. Friends.” before Josh waves her goodbye.
And maybe, she starts to believe it. She wants to believe it. They can be friends. It shouldn’t be that hard, should it?
(She thinks her post-ski-lodge deliberations might be really stupid. She hopes so.
Also, she doesn’t feel that tiny now.)
☼☼☼☼
TWO: October 2017, 4pm.
“Open the door you nerd! I know you’re in there.” Maya keeps yelling while she holds the bump in her leather jacket still and repeatedly knocks the door at the same time.
“I was actually trying to enjoy my study break, you know.” Josh explains rolling his eyes as he opens his room’s door and lets Maya in.
“Yeah, sure. Isn’t Bran here?” she asks, noticing the other half of the room empty.
“Nope. Went out.” And Maya doesn’t dwell on Josh’s dry tone. She’s given up tracing that kind of stuff a while ago. They were friends, and friends don’t read too much into what their friends say and don’t. “Wait, you were out too! On a date! With...uhm, Tracy?”
“Yup,” Maya states unfaced as she plops down on his bed. “Didn’t work though.”
“That sucks, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. She told me she believed my art is, and I quote: a tad pretentious.” she remarks with a nasal voice. “And then she asked me to hook her up with Riley.”
“What? That’s so rude.” he says, sitting down on his bed.
“I know, right?”
“Yeah, everybody knows Riley is so not single!” Josh laughs as Maya playfully hits him.
Meow. Maya freezes and curses to herself. This was a bad idea.
“Did you hear that?” Josh asks confused.
“What? No. Nothing.”
Meow.
“What the hell was that sound?” he stands up, and starts looking around the small room. “I swear, it seems like a cat.”
“There are good news, though. On my way home back from that terrible date I-” But Josh isn’t listening as he looks for the source of the meowing, so she uses that moment when he’s not looking to pull her jacket tighter, wrap her arms around herself and pray to all the gods she doesn’t even believe in.
MEOW. Shit.
At that, Josh turns around and looks at Maya with narrowed eyes. “Maya?”
She gives up and opens her jacket to reveal the smallest grey kitten, hoping her puppy eyes do it for Josh. “Happy birthday?”
“It isn’t my birthday for four more months. Please explain.”
“As I was saying, on my way home,” Maya starts explaining with her best narrator voice, “I was a block from the subway station and I hear this adorable tiny meow. I stop on my tracks and start looking around, until I find this little guy scared and alone and tiny, hiding under a bench. And coming back from something as depressing as my date, it isn’t really surprising I couldn’t help but fall for this cutie.”
Josh raises an eyebrow. “Well, that’s very Riley of you.”
“Shut up and look at him Josh!” she says as she picks up the kitten and gets it closer to Josh’s face. “Tell me he’s not the cutest little guy you’ve ever seen.”
“He is cute.” Josh admits as he pats the kitten’s belly. “But you aren’t keeping it, are you?”
“I mean, I can’t. My mom’s allergic to cats so she would definitely kill me. But you know I’m brilliant, so I have a plan.” She smirks at that. “I’m gonna give it to Riley for her birthday! You know she’s wanted a cat since like forever, and both of us know your brother will eventually give up. Isn’t it one of my greatest ideas?”
“It would be, only if Riley’s birthday wasn’t two weeks away.” he says with a confused expression.
Maya’s smile grows bigbigbig as the Cheshire Cat’s, and Josh freezes in realization.
“No. No. Don’t even think about it. I’m saying no.”
“Pleaseeeeee. You know you already love him.” She pouts as she moves the kitten’s paws.
“Maya, no. Pets are strictly against the dorm’s policy. And I have exams coming up. No.”
“Please. All you have to do is keep it here, just for two weeks.” Maya begs. “Please, do it for him. For Riley. For me. Very please?”
Josh really really tries but he doesn’t even have to say anything, because his face betrays him first. He barely sighs in resignation when Maya starts jumping up and down in excitement while holding the kitten.
“Isn’t Boing the best, kitty?” Maya asks as she leaves the kitten in the bed and it makes himself comfortable in Josh’s pillow.
He rolls his eyes to the nickname.“He is for sure. Brandon is so going to kill me.”
“He won’t, tell him it’s for me. He likes me. I bet he likes me better than he likes you.” She says as she takes a picture of the now sleeping kitten, and Josh knows she’s probably right but he doesn’t feel like starting that debate.
Some hours, sketches of the kitten and Chem exercises later, Maya explains she has to head home right then if she wants to make it for dinner.
“And Shawn is cooking, which isn’t any good really, but he keeps saying he wants me there.” She explains, pretending she doesn’t love spending time with Shawn.
“Of course he does. And you want it too.”Josh smiles knowingly.“Good luck with that then.”
“Good luck with that.” Maya smirks as she gestures to Kitten, the provisory cat with a provisory name.
“You knew I was going to say yes, didn’t you? That’s why you came here in the first place.” Josh wonders, escorting her to the door.
“Shhh, your ego will hear and we don’t want it all hurt.” She teases as she pecks his cheek and waves a quick goodbye to both Kitten and him. She doesn’t hear a word when Josh closes the door but she just knows he rolled his eyes to that.
Some minutes later, just in time for a-la-Shawn chicken(which is just overcooked chicken), Maya arrives home with neither a girlfriend nor a kitten, but with a bigbigbig smile on her face and a text attached to a selfie from Josh on her phone.
my ego hates you. and so does Kitten.
Maya sits at the table and giggles like she’s 6 and not 16 years old. And, of course she doesn’t believe it. Not even for a second.
(Shawn almost asks, but then he doesn’t. He looks at Maya’s smile and he doesn’t need to ask. He just knows.
Damn, that Matthews kid.)
☼☼☼☼
THREE: November 2018, 7pm.
Maya is in trouble. Not the Maya Hart kind of trouble, but somehow, that’s even worse.
Thing is, Maya thinks she is falling. For Josh.
And all it took her to realize was a stupid stupid Zay.
“How is it that you’ve never asked me out?” she casually asks him while munching her lunch. “I mean, all of our friends are dating each other.”
“I don’t know, you’re really not my type.” he explains, focusing on his meatball sandwich. “Besides, you’re really in deep with Riley’s uncle. I’m not in for triangles, you know.”
“What? I don’t like Boing.” she protested.
“Yeah, you do.”
“I mean I do like him, but I don’t likelike him. It’s not like that anymore. We’re friends.”
“Well, you look really in love with your friend. And I’m really in love with this sandwich.” Zay says and winks at Barbara, the nice lunch lady while biting off nearly half of his lunch.
Maya is not that hungry anymore.
And it’s not like Maya has ever not liked Josh, she always has, she’s never stopped. But something makes her feel like the accurate word for her feelings would be the other l word. The one that implies a lot more than liking. The L Word. And that makes her panic. It makes her feel again like the 15 year old that felt too much, the kid that couldn’t even imagine how much her friendship with Josh would make her grow.
And that’s what they are now, friends. Comfortable friends that can hang out for hours, comfortably talking or just doing their own thing in comfortable silence. Friends do not feel too much for friends. And friends do not make things uncomfortable by explaining their feelings to their friends.
They’ve been friends like that for more than two years now, and Maya won’t dare to ruin it with stupid feelings.
And that’s basically the reason she texts Josh going there and walks a little too fast to his dorm.
She knocks and waits, which is quite absurd because it’s freezing in the hallway and she has keys. How come she has keys? Do friends actually do that kind of thing?
“You know, you have keys. You don’t have to wait until I open the door for you, that was kind of the deal.” He explains not sounding half as annoyed as he pretends to be, as he opens the door for her.
“I respect your privacy. Because we’re friends.” She says and doesn’t sound like her at all. More like a robot, less like Maya.
“Yeah, I’m aware.” Josh replies suddenly confused and lets Maya in.
She even doubts sitting on his bed as she usually does but after a weird look from him she sits down, trying to push away her anxiety building up.
“Is everything alright?” Josh inquires searching for an explanation on her face, and Maya hates her how easy is for him to see through her.
“Of course everything is alright. Why wouldn’t everything be alright?” she snaps and immediately regrets it.
“Well, for a first, you don’t sound even close to alright.” And Maya can’t deal with the inspecting look in Josh’s face so she’s more than glad when she hears someone knocking on the door and he goes to get it.
“Hey Josh, what’s up?” Matt, the delivery guy they’ve known since Josh moved to his dorm, says as he gives Josh two paper bags.
“Not much, exams everywhere, the usual.” Josh shrugs and pays him. “You?”
“Eh, same. Surviving.” he says unfaced, as usually. “Hey Maya, didn’t see you down there.”
She gives Matt, a quick smile and two middle fingers as she spies tiptoeing from Josh’s shoulder.
The last one just shrugs it off and mutters a goodbye as he closes the door.
Josh comes back with the two brown paper bags and an aroma that makes Maya the happiest. Mexican food.
She stands up and follows the scent until she is face to face with Josh. Like it 's natural for her, she reaches to grab the bag with a Cheshire Cat’s smile on her face.
“Ooooh, is our mood suddenly changing?” Josh mocks.
“No.” She frowns. “Gimme!”
“No. Not for you. Hands away.” he commands as he slaps her hand away from the food.
“Hey! It’s mexican, our- my thing.” she quickly corrects.
“It’s just food, and it’s for my study date.”
Suddenly, Maya’s stomach feels heavy and mexican doesn’t feel that appealing anymore. “What?”
“Yeah. I have this massive exam to prepare? The one I’m sure I told you a hundred times about?”
“Yeah, yeah. I know, but, a date? I’m sure you didn’t tell me about that .”
“Well,” Josh stops kind of shyly, “it’s not that big of a deal.”
“It is !” she exclaims. “I mean, you haven’t dated anyone since like, I don’t know, forever?”
“It sounds a bit depressing when you put it like that.” He looks down and rubs his neck.
“No, Josh. It’s great, it really is.” And it hurts a little, because it feels like lying, and she should be better than this. She should be able to tell people how she feels and live with that. That’s what strong people actually do. But she feels weakweakweak .
And she tries to spare that to a side and remember that Josh and her are friends, and that she wants him to be happy more than anything. And if she gets to be happy with some beautiful pre-med girl, then that should be alright too.
She reminds herself why she came to Josh’s dorm in the first place. Reminds herself this is just what she wanted. After all, she’s doing it for their friendship, and maybe a bit for her fear of getting abandoned and hurt. Again, it’s for the best. Or so she repeats again and again in her head.
“Thanks,” he smiles,”What were you going to tell me?” And she hates this thing about him. He won’t just forget, he has this Matthews’ gene of wanting to make everything alright by talking about it. And that may be one of the thing he likes the most about him, but today she hates it. Or so she tells herself.
“Me? Nothing.” She plays dumb even when she knows there’s no use.
“Yeah, right. That’s what you’d like me to think. C’mon, what’s wrong?”
And he sounds like he really wants to know, because he really cares. But Maya won’t ruin this.“Nothing’s wrong.”
“I’m pretty sure it was.” he nods. “Just before the chimichanga got here.”
He got chimichanga for his date? Maya’s chimichanga in Maya’s place delivered by Maya’s Matt. “Right, the chimichanga.” she whispers.
“Hey, do you need to talk?” he asks concerned. “I could tell Fiona to get here later.” She has a name, of course she has a name.
Some part of her is telling her to be angry about it, but then there’s this somewhat rational voice that tells her Josh is her friend, and friends can date whoever they want if that makes them happy. She dates people, the hypocrite! Rationality wins this time. “Nope. I need to go, that’s what I need.”
“But-”
“Bye Josh, good luck with your date. And your test.” she smiles and leaves the room quickly enough so Josh can’t see that her smile doesn’t really reach her eyes.
Maya walks home and even wrapping her scarf tighter around her neck, she feels colder than the weather.
(She gets to her bedroom and writes in a piece of paper:
I, Maya Penelope Hart, solemnly swear not to make things weird between Josh and my person. Ever.
If we are okay, so will I.
It’s a promise to herself, a one that she keeps inside her drawer and from then on, next to her heart.)
☼☼☼☼
FOUR: December 2019, 3am.
“This fucking shi-Heeey! Loving the jacket!” Maya smiles as she finally sees Farkle’s face on her laptop.
“Hi! Thanks, I knew you would.” he replies smiling too. Maya isn’t the one to get all sappy, but she really misses her friend. “How’s New York?”
“Everything’s fine, I guess. Classes are still alright.” she shrugs. Classes are actually great, but she won’t tire Farkle with that.
“Yeah, for you.” Riley shouts and gets up from laying face down on her bed to wave to the webcam. “Everyone’s so mean in my Psychology class, Farkle. I miss you, please come back!”
“Don’t listen to her. She’s just exaggerating because she’s having a bad time with Freud.” Maya rolls her eyes affectionately, she still can’t believe she has to be the mature one about this. “How’s Boston?”
“Colder than I expected, I love it though. MIT is really challenging me, I think I was born for this.” he smiles and even though they are miles and miles away Maya can see the spark on his eyes.
“You’re welcome, again. We all know you wouldn’t have left if we hadn’t dragged you there.” she proudly reminds him.
“We were so wrong, I bet we were in denial. We need you here.” Riley looks desperately at Farkle, grabbing the laptop’s screen. She’s lucky Maya loves her.
She slaps Riley’s hands to get her beloved computer out of danger. “No, Riley. We need him happy, and he’s happy there.” she explains to her. “Just look at him.”
“I’m really happy, girls. Thank you, again. I miss you all so much.” he admits with a sigh.
Maya can feel Riley’s eyes getting all watery already, so she takes her hand and tries to comfort her. “That’s why we do this and the friday one weekly, remember?” She tells both of her friends.
“Of course I do, it was my idea after all.” Farkle beams.
“And that’s why you are where you are.” Maya says proudly.
He smiles and changes subject. “How’s everyone?”
“Well, as you can see, Riles is struggling a bit but she really is okay. She just misses everyone really.”
“But you.” Riley chimes in, the sadness in her face mostly gone.
“But me, of course, because I’m right here. Everyday.” Maya squeezes her hand reassuring her.
“And I love you so much for this Peaches.”
“Me too.” she smiles going back to Farkle, “As I was saying, Riley is okay. Lucas is having some trouble with Jenny, but I’m sure you already know about that.” She sees Farkle acknowledge the situation with a disgust face and shrugs. “But hey, Zay keeps slaying in Julliard and everyone else is pretty okay. We somehow manage to survive without you and Smackle. How’s she by the way?”
“Excelling, of course.” And that’s not surprising at all, neither is Farkle’s huge smile. “We don’t share any classes this term, but we still see eachother almost everyday so we’re okay with it. How are you, though?”
“I’m alright.” she shrugs trying to avoid where she knows he is going with this conversation.
“Are you seeing someone?” he asks ignoring her. Damn, she knew it.
“Farkle, last time I checked you and Smackle were on a monogamous relationship.” Maya jokes.
“You know what I mean.” he deadpans.
“I’m not and I’m okay.” she replies on the defensive, “I don’t have to date someone to be happy, you know. I’m an independant woman who needs no man or woman, and yo-”
Riley blatantly snorts at that.
“What’s so funny?” Maya glares at her. “Both of you, just drop it, okay? I’m fine. I might hang up on you just know. I just remembered I actually have to get stuff done, I have a project to finish.”
“Oh, she does. An Anatomy project.” Riley interjects, rising an eyebrow.
“What’s that eyebrow thing? When did you learn to do that?” Maya asks annoyed.
“Oh, I wonder where did you get help with that .” Farkle questions ignoring Maya. And he still isn’t any good at playing dumb, she definitely doesn’t miss him anymore. “I’m sure I can remember you telling me just a week ago how much you hated your Human Anatomy class.”
“I don’t see the point on you doing this.” Maya sneers at him, of course he is going there .
“Josh’s helping her.” Riley rats her out.
“Ha. Called it.” Farkle says.
“I don’t see why you make such a big deal about this. He is my friend. He is in med school ergo he knows a hell lot about anatomy. Ergo, he’s helping me.”
“It’s not about the project, Peaches. It’s about everything in your undefined relationship with him.” Riley explains to her.
“There’s no relationship there. We’re just good old friends.”
“You love him.” Farkle argues.
“No! Guys! We’ve been through this a million times. I. Don’t. Love. Him. I might have this residual crush on him, but there’s no love in that.”
“Residual crush?” “Prove it.” Riley and Farkle say respectively at the same time.
“Yeah, we liked eachother years ago and I love him as a friend now, so eventually I’ve developed a lil crush on him. He’s really nice to the eyes, I’ve never denied that. Absolutely platonic.” she explains to her roommate who gags, and turns back to Farkle. “I don’t need to prove you anything. How do I prove it?”
“You should see other people.” Farkle suggests. “You haven’t dated anyone in ages.”
“Maybe I just haven’t had the chance.” she lies.
“Well, a guy from her Creative Writing class just asked her out to the party.” Riley asserts as Maya glares at her.
“Friday’s party? You said yes?” Farkle bugs.
“Yes. And I didn’t say anything, I don’t know if I want to.”
“You should. It’s just to try, you don’t have to commit to anyone.” he explains. Maya rolls her eyes and looks at her unfinished project for her Anatomy class. She wouldn’t have even started it without Josh.
She lets Riley talk to Farkle while she considers it. Dating. It can’t be that bad, right? She was very good at it when she was in high school. Now it would be just one date, to a party. A party in which everyone will be, having the possibility to run to her friends if she doesn’t like the guy. She can do this.
She breathes and texts Jamie, her classmate, she will go to the party with him.
When she comes back to the conversation between Farkle and Riley, Smackle arrives Farkle’s room and joins them.
“We really miss you, Smackle. The geniuses girls in my class hate me. Come back.” Riley tells her, dramatic queen striking again.
Smackle smiles to that. “Reserve your love expressions, you will see us on Friday.”
“What?!” both Maya and Riley snap at the same time.
“Surprise?” Farkle rolls his eyes to his girlfriend.
“I thought you said you weren’t gonna make it. That’s awesome!” Maya says while Riley does a happy dance in the middle of their room.
“Well, we kind of lied.” he explains still looking at an almost sorry Smackle.“We are flying over there tomorrow, so we will be going to the party. And we do expect to meet your date, Maya.”
“Yay!” Riley yells in victory. “The party just reached a new level of awesome.” she claps.
Maya really hopes so.
Her cheeks feel a little too hot from the beer she’s been drinking but besides that, the party is decent.
To her surprise Jamie is also quite decent himself, he is a sassy smartass and Maya thinks she could cope with that. He does proudly share Riley’s soft spot for colourful drinks, which is quite a first. So eventually, Riley likes him, and barely one bright blue drink in tells her to “keep him because he is a good one” right in front of him. It is a bit embarrassing, but drunk Riley always is.
She downs her third beer and introduces Jamie to the rest of her friends. All the gang is there and Maya won’t tell everyone but she doesn’t remind feeling this giddy since their prom. She has Riley everyday, but she really misses the everyday with all her friends.
They all dance and laugh together. She mocks broken-hearted-Lucas when a country songs comes on and he does give her a smile, she hugs Farkle more times than she can count and dances every song with Riley and Zay. She also kisses Jamie twice and that’s nice too.
And then Josh gets there. If she were a proper drama queen, she would say everything changed when he arrived, but it actually didn’t. Over-analyzer Maya thinks that’s at least a bit strange.
She observes him chat with everyone and she thinks she gets it. It’s the cotidianity. Josh just fits there. He fits in their group of friends, he fits like her friend. Years made this, made them fall into the cotidianity of knowing their friendship is solid, that they will always have each other. Maya loves this idea which also gives her a great relief, so she holds into it and breathes for the first time in a while.
That’s the reason she doesn’t look further into Josh’s actions in the whole night. Him bringing her favourite beer or twirling her around. Teasing her about her so-called holding alcohol capacity (she’s just tipsy really), or just playing the mocking with hidden compliment game. Cotidianity, that’s all.
And if Josh and Jamie don’t meet in the whole night, that’s just a coincidence.
At 1am, she goes outside where it’s freezing to kiss her date goodbye. He suggests going back to his but he understands when Maya explains that she’s responsible for taking Riley home safe, and doesn’t insist. Maya appreciates that.
She goes back inside and hears Single Ladies blasting. That can only mean one thing.
She looks up and like she expected, she sees Riley dancing to Beyoncé standing on a table. “Riles, darling, the floor wants you down here.” she yells over the music. And wow, she sounds drunk.
“Maya? I can’t hear you. I’m dancing.” And she really is dancing, like the whole choreography. Maya shouldn’t be surprised, but there are some new moves.
“Come dance down here, honey.” she begs.
“No.” Riley shouts in refusal.
“Am I seeing puppies down here?” It’s sad she has to come to this, but she likes Riley with her joints not broken better.
Hearing that, Riley almost throws herself into Maya’s arms and both of them are really lucky Zay’s near enough to help Riley.
They are also lucky Riley immediately forgets about the puppies and starts dancing again, now on the floor.
At 2am, Maya starts feeling extremely tired so she goes to the kitchen to get water. If Riley remains this drunk, walking her home won’t be an easy task. Fun of course, but not easy at all.
“Walk home?” she hears a voice say from behind her.
“Why? Lil’ Joshy didn’t bring his old car?” she jokes when she sees Josh leaning against a kitchen counter.
“Hey! Don’t mock my car. And of course I didn’t, my apartment is just two blocks away.” he explains.
“Two blocks to the left,” she signals teasing him, “our dorm’s to the right, like, the one that’s not the left.”
“Well, I still wouldn’t want to let you walk Riley The Menace home all by your drunk self.” he says with a slurry voice himself.
“I’m not that drunk.” she fights.
“Nope, but she sure is.” Josh gestures to Riley, who’s doing her ridiculous happy dance to Uptown Funk. Standing on the table. Again.
Maya sighs in protest and goes get Riley down as Josh follows her.
“Come on, honey.” she calls her grabbing her foot. “I think it’s time to head home.”
“Why?” A very disappointed Riley asks.
“Because it’s past 2 am.” Josh tells her.
“What?!?” Riley suddenly snaps. “Peaches, that’s like really late.” And crap, she’s getting all dramatic, like she’s about to cry. Maya curses. Please, not weepy Riley.
“No, hey, it’s okay. I’ll walk you home right now. I bet there’ll be some cats around there.” Josh tries.
“Cats?!? Like Purple? Uncle Joshy, I miss Purple so much.” Riley pouts thinking about Purple, the cat Maya got her for her 17th birthday. The cat that due to dorm’s policy, lived with her parents.
“Brilliant, you just made it worse.” Maya fakes annoyance as she tells Josh.
Thanks to some mysterious force, Riley doesn’t cry on their way back. Or maybe thanks to Josh’s Abba playlist, but she won’t admit that. Not like she even has the time to do that, between singing along with her friends and stopping Riley from loudly singing SOS when they arrive to their dorm.
She also manages not to notice Josh’s multiple glances or the amount of unnecessary touching.
After waving him goodnight and tucking Riley into her bed, Maya checks her phone and reads a text from Jamie: sleep well gorgeous .
She’s aware she should feel all lovey-dovey about it, but she just doesn’t. She still replies a smiley face with a heart, even when it feels like lying. She knows he is a nice guy, and that she could really get to like him, but something’s just off.
There’s a knock on the door, so weak that Maya thinks she’s hallucinating. At 3 am everything’s weird. Another knock. She forgets all dorm security rules and opens the door.
“Hey” Josh whispers in the darkness.
“Hi,” she whispers back, “did you leave something here? I’m not really that dru-”
“No, I just wanted to talk to you.” he says rubbing his neck, and crap, that can’t be a good sign.
“At 3 am? About...?”
“Umm, I…” he says searching for words and she can tell how cautious he’s trying to be.
“Yup?” She asks trying to dismiss all the awkwardness in the situation. But she can sense his nervousness and she tries to ignore the part in her that’s yelling farkle told him , she can’t. It’s not the time, it’s not the fucking time. She’s going to kill him before he returns to Massachusetts. On the other hand, she can’t let have Josh confront her about her stupid feelings. She can’t have him ruin them. Their cotidianity.
“I just,” he inhales, “Maya I-”
“I think I’m seeing someone.” She blurts out.
“What?” Josh spits and he looks like he’s just been slapped on the face.
“Yeah, he came with me to the party. He just left early.” She explains.
Josh’s expression crumbles even more.
“I think I really like him.” Maya lies and thanks he is looking at the floor and not at her.
“Oh, that’s...good. Yes, great. It’s...wow! It’s so late I gotta go study or something.” He starts rambling.
“Or sleep.”
“Yeah, right, sleep.” he says.
“Hey Josh, thanks.” Maya says with now Josh looking at her.
“For what?”
“Being the great friend you are.” she half smiles and shrugs.
And it kind of relieves her to see Josh’s face go softer as he leaves, but she realizes he didn’t even make it through her room's door and that's a first. It all feels weird as fuck.
Lying in bed she texts Farkle fuck you and wishes for their cotidianity not to go away.
(For some reason she doesn’t want to dwell on, Maya sleeps in and misses breakfast with the gang.
“But I don’t get it.” Farkle snaps out loud.
“What the fuck dude?” A startled Zay says.
“Guys, please, quieter.” Riley begs for the third time, her hangover slowly murdering her.
“Maya and Josh?” Farkle explains.
“Well, no one does.” Lucas says and calmly sips his coffee.
“I mean, I kept insisting on her dating someone because I thought Josh didn’t like her like that. But last night they-”
“Oh, he does.” Zay says. “What? It’s obvious. Haven’t you guys ever looked at them? Like in the last five years?”
“Yes, but I figured that if they truly liked each other, at least one of them would act on it. That’s what people do.” Farkle reasons out loud.
“No, that’s what smart people do.” Zay states munching a donut.
“The guy’s in med school!” Farkle yells. “He can’t be that stupid.”
“Quieter.” Riley whispers while adjusting her sunglasses.
“I don’t understand them.” Smackle admits, embarrassed of not understanding something.
“No one really does.” Riley sighs.)
☼☼☼☼
FIVE: January 2020, 1pm.
It’s pouring outside. Like, Maya wouldn’t be surprised if the sky fell.
She curses at the puddle of dirty water she steps into. Great! Now her leg’s soaked, dirty and freezing. Her now increased rage is what keeps her going to Josh’s apartment.
Thing is, she is convinced he is avoiding her. Like, on purpose.
She doesn’t recall talking to him since the frat party two days before christmas, and that was almost a month ago. Not that between holiday’s season with her family, her not-even-boyfriend dumping her and projects’ deadlines, she realized immediately. But as soon as she realized the only communication they’d had was his poor hppy birthday :) text, she texted him a hundred times and called him fifty. Even tried to reach his roommate. Everything to be blatantly ignored.
And she’s Maya Hart, she won’t be passive about it. She’s so yelling at his face.
Even if he confesses this being about him getting uncomfortable about her feelings, the ones she suspects he knows about, that’d make it even worse. She hopes she doesn’t confirm this theory, that’d prove who she thought was her bestfriend is an actual dick.
Maya knows it can’t be healthy how riled up she’s getting, or at least that’s what Riley told her after she stormed out of their dorm growling about murdering some stupid Matthews . But well, the rain, freezing wind and her broken umbrella aren’t helping either.
When she arrives to the door she recognizes a motorbike and the man trying to get down of it. Matt. She sees him pulling out a single brown paper bag. Well, at least Josh is alone. She gets to Matt and spits “Third B?”, taking the bag from his hands.
“Maya? How ar- yes.” he answers as he rings the doorbell. She figures she’s making quite the scene, because she can reckon the exact second the poor delivery guy’s expression goes from soft to mortified. She simply doesn’t have the time or energy to care about that.
“Matt?” they both hear Josh say through the speaker box.
“Yeah?” he replies as a soaked Maya raises her eyebrows gesturing him to play along.
“Come in.” the young Matthews says as the door makes the beeping noise.
Maya gets in and sees Matt run off on his bike before she can yell at him to do so, and she’s glad at least someone is collaborating.
She gets to Josh’s door and knocks the calmest her infuriating self is able to.
Josh is looking at his wallet by the time he opens the door.
Maya counts to three, breathing through her nose.
“Maya?” Josh says startled, looking at the bag in her hands. “Where’s Matt?”
She throws the bag to him, he somehow catches it. “Why are you ignoring me?”
“I’m not ignoring you.”
Maya opens her eyes like two big round plates. “What?”
“Where’s Matt?”
“He left. Why. Are. You. Ignoring. Me?” She repits, ignoring how her soaking hair is dripping on his floor.
“I’m not!” Josh yells, now angry as well.
“Well, you are. You haven’t come by in the last month, you don’t answer my texts or my calls. I just want to know what the fuck is up with you.”
“Nothing.” He stubbornly says.
“Oh, so that’s the way you’re gonna go? This is our friendship for you?” she yells, hurt.
“No, it’s not.” She can tell he’s not angry, but he’s really uncomfortable, which is something new in their friendship. “I just-”
“What? Tell me. Or I can leave you alone forever if you’d rather that.”
“I just need a break.” He exhales.
Maya blinks. “A break? From me?”
He doesn’t answer and Maya feels something inside her break. Shatter to pieces.
“A break you got.” She says, after a long silence from him, storming off of his apartment.
She comes back outside, to an even greyer sky. A greyer Maya Hart, too. Everything she tried to protect by keeping all of her feelings to herself, she ended up losing it anyway. One more time, it feels like she’s back to being the tiny girl from four years ago whose walls all tumbled down, unshielded from the ugly world and its ugly, cold, storming weather.
(Riley’s fantasies of a fixed MayaAndJosh, romantically kissing under the rain tumble down as well.
She expects Maya to explode, but she never does. She’s just quietquietquiet .
Riley knows best and only schemes a slumber party. Slumbery-happy-smiley-partey she names it.
Farkle is in town for some engineering congress, so he joins them with grocery bags full of junk food and popcorn.
They both try their hardest but can’t make Maya smile. Not even once. Not even suggesting to order tacos. They both know that can only mean trouble.
Farkle still doesn’t get them.)
☼☼☼☼
SIX: January 2020, 8pm. (a day after)
Maya’s mixing paint and it should feel as relaxing as it usually feels. But it doesn’t. Like, at all.
She’s all angry and violent strokes and she hates it. She can’t seem to get the ocean blue she wants and her own skin feels intensely itchy from anxiety, and she hates that too.
Everything is annoying her. That’s the way it’s been since the day before, and that’s why she fled her dorm and Riley, and is now at her mom’s, angrily mixing paint.
She’s cursing at everything and that’s why she almost doesn’t hear the doorbell.
She freezes in her spot when she does, trying to think who could it be. Maya remembers specifically telling Riley and Farkle she needed a night alone, and she really thinks Shawn and her mom got it when they left for their date at some far far far away place, just half an hour ago.
She stomps to the door, ready to tell whoever it is to go fuck themselves.
But when she opens the door, she certainly doesn’t expect the manly figure in front of her to be Josh, and it feels like a slap in the face.
“Hey” she says, instantly feeling less angry and much tinier.
“Well, you shouldn’t open the door without knowing who it is first.” he half smiles. And really ?
“Okay.” Maya shuts her door leaving Josh right where he was standing, blankly facing the now closed door.
She hears Josh sigh and say “Please, open the door.”
“Why would I do that?” she spits, “So you can ignore my whole existence some more?”
“Maya, please.” he begs.
“No.”
“I want to talk.”
“Then talk.”
There’s no answer to that. Just silence.
“Josh?” Maya asks, half angry, half scared he might have left. “Are you still there?”
She grabs the doorknob, brush still in her hand and stains it with still-not-ocean-blue paint, but she doesn’t even notice because her anger feels like fire through her veins. And of course it does. She thought he was here to solve things and he just left her speaking alone.
And, like the mature woman she is, she’s going to open the door and run after him to tell him how an hypocrite and a fucking moron he is.
So it’s hell of a surprise when she opens the door and a body runs into the apartment and hides besides the couch.
“You didn’t left.” Maya mutters confused.
“Of course I didn’t. It feels a bit insulting for you to think I don’t know you at all.” he smirks unapologetically. But it’s not seconds until he regrets it. Maya grabs a pillow and points it at him.
“You.” Maya hisses and throws the pillow in his direction.
Josh somehow dodges her toss and runs. And so Maya runs after him.
The scene would be quite funny, only if she wasn’t fuming.
She picks up her pace and gets him. She holds to his back and they end up in a piggyback ride position.
Familiarity strikes Maya like a bucket of iced water and gets off of him.
“Hit too close to home, lil’ ferret?” Josh mocks playing smug again.
“You don’t get to call me that.” Maya fires back. “We’re not friends.”
“Yes, we are.” Josh states trying not to seem half as insecure as he feels.
“We aren’t. You made sure of that.” she accuses.
“That doesn’t count. I care about you, you know that. I’ve always cared.”
“Stop. Fucking. Lying. To. Me.” she yells at him. “You left me.”
“I didn’t. And I’m not lying. You know that.” he says searching something in her eyes.
Maya is tired.
“Cmon! Even if I needed some space, I’ve always been here for you. Every goddam break up, every night phone call, every project deadline!” Still no answer from her. “We’ve gone shopping for your prom dress and you know I hate shopping!”
“Riley was there too.” Maya justifies trying to shrug it off.
“You made me sing that stupid Abba song for Riley’s 18 birthday. And filmed it!”
“Shut up, you loved it. Still was for Riley.” she argues.
“I kept a fucking CAT in my room for two weeks for you. And that wasn’t even legal!”
“That wasn’t about me either!”
“Jesus, Maya, of course it was about you! Everything is about you and because of you! And I’m not even complaining, because I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love every second of it. Because I did. Because I care, and I can’t help but care for you. Don’t you get it?”
She doesn’t know how to react, but she’d hate to give him the benefit of silence just now, so she looks at the paint dipped brush she’s holding and runs it through Josh’s face. Josh’s now shocked and ocean-wanna-be face.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” he says confused.
Maya bursts out laughing. She doesn’t know why. Whether it’s the expression on Josh, or his blue face or even how tiring all the yelling is, but she howls with laughter and her stomach hurts from it.
She sees Josh’s expression relax from the corner of her eye and tries to calm herself. When she does, she sits crosslegged on the floor with her back on the couch and tries to breathe calmly as Josh does the same.
“Why are we fighting for? We never fight.” he says looking at her right in the eyes.
“We do fight! There was the time that you thought I-”
Josh rolls his eyes and covers Maya’s mouth with his hand to prevent her from getting more riled up. “We never fight like this .”
“We don’t.” she says to Josh’s palm who laughs and uses that hand to tuck a strand of blonde hair behind Maya’s ear. And the touch, she can swear it burns.
“I’ve missed you.” he breathes.
“Yeah, me too.” she admits.
“Why were we fighting?” he tries again.
“I don’t know, you’ve been ignoring me. Why were you ignoring me?”
“I wasn’t ignoring you.”
She glares at him.
“Well, I was avoiding you a little. Just a little, you know? I needed time to think.”
“About what? What did you have to think about so by yourself you needed to ignore my existence?” she says standing up from her place, trying to ease her anger. “A fucking break from me? I mean we do have our perso-”
“About you.” he interrupts her, standing up too.
“About me what?” She looks at him, searching for some true on his eyes.
“I had to think about you. About you and I, to be more accurate. About how stupid I am. Because I keep missing my opportunities, and I might have lost my chance forever. And I’m not, like, angry at you. I could never be.” he admits with a sigh. “I understand it was really unfair to you. But I really thought I couldn’t deal with it. Maya, being your friend and seeing you every-”
“What are you talking about?”
“You know that party. The pre-christmas one?”
She nods.
“After that, I walked you and Riley over your dorm, and then I left and then I came back.”
She nods again.
“It was that night. It was supposed to be our someday, a lot of times were supposed to be our someday , but that’s not important now. The thing is, I came back. And I was about to tell you.”
“To tell me…” She begs him to continue, and she can feel her heart racing up.
“Tell you I was falling for you. I mean, I still am. Crap, I’m so in deep. I’ve been for so long. Maybe even right then, at the ski lodge, all those years ago. And that our friendsh- this thing ,” he gestures between them,”just made it stronger. At least for me.”
Maya realizes she is short of air and words to reply.
“And that night, I was about to spill everything, and then you told me. You were seeing Jaime and you were really happy about it. And that was all for me. At first I couldn’t believe it. It’s embarrassing and quite selfish, but I did ask Riley five times. I mean, I didn’t meet the guy in the whole night. So, yeah. Then, she confirmed it to me, and that was all. And I know I have no right to come here and tell you everything right now, but I had to. Because it hurts, and that’s why I’ve been avoiding you; because I thought I couldn’t deal with it.” he explains pouring all emotion. “But I can and I will, because it hurts the most to hurt you. And I’d rather have you as my friend, that not have you in my life at all. And I really hope you can forgive my egotistical self, I will forget about it, I promise.”
Wow.
“Please, say something.”
Maya doesn’t say anything but abruptly stands on her tiptoes as she grabs his face and kisses him. Josh kisses back, and that’s another wow. Obviously she has kissed people before, like a lot of people, but this is something different. It starts sweet and slow, with them smiling into the kiss. But then she remember she has hands, hands she can use. As soon as her hands are on the back of his head, running through his hair, she can swear Josh purrs.
It all goes uphill from that.
After a while, she realizes the paint in Josh’s face wasn’t dry and she can feel it in her cheek and nose but can’t bring herself to care. She laughs at the situation which earns her Josh stopping the kiss and giving her a look. “What?”
She looks at him, his shy smile and his eyes which are blueblueblue and big pupils and just knows. “I love you too.”
Josh’s smiles grows bigger and he gives her a peck, holding her waist a little bit tighter. Maya thinks he actually shines. “I’m glad.” He laughs as Maya hits him playfully. “I really am, and I love you. But you already know that.”
“You made quite a declaration for me not to, you Romeo.” She mocks him as she tenderly traces circles on his neck.
Josh rolls his eyes at that and leans in to kiss her again. This time, the kiss gets hotter with Maya’s back against some wall and she needs this and more and more and more.
Well, that’s at least until he stops kissing her and furrows his eyebrows at her. “Hey! Wait, you’re seeing Jaime. Maya I-”
“No.” She quickly answers.
“What?” Josh asks confused.
“Nope, I’m not dating anyone. Actually, I’m single as fuck.” She says with a smug smile in her face.
His shocked mouth turns into a smirk. “Not for long.” And then it turns into a straight line as he visibly panics. “I mean, I hope.”
When she looks at him, she feels something warm spread in her body. Whether it’s hope or some dumb hormone, she doesn’t know or care.
“Yeah.” She laughs at him, going in for another kiss.
After some more kissing, she grabs his hand and leads him to her childhood bedroom.
Maya sits on the bed and pats the spot next to her, motioning for an unsure Josh to sit. He sits there and holds her hand entwining their fingers.
“Hey.” Maya says.
“Hi.”
“Is it someday already?”
“It is.” Josh confirms smiling as he grabs her chin with his free hand and sweetly kisses her.
They continue to kisskisskiss and try to make up for all the time it got them to get to their someday.
(Maya wakes up just in time to make Josh dress up before Shawn and her mom get to her room.
Shawn still sees the smudges of blue paint in both of their faces. After all, he's always knew. Sadly, Maya looks too happy for him to kill Josh right then.
“Tomorrow.” he mouths to the young Matthews and proudly finds panic on his face.
The day after that, Josh helps (that’s debatable) his girlfriend to finally paint the ceiling of her old bedroom. Maya paints an ocean and it has all the perfect shades of blue.)