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After dinner with the Wheelers, Dustin and his friends decided to hit up Stacey’s party. It was their graduation night — a very bittersweet and emotional time for all of them, especially after their last D&D game honoring their deeply missed mage. The thought of free alcohol, dancing, and just getting to be a normal teenager before having to hit the adult world was too good to pass up. Dustin was beyond ready to get drunk. Eddie and El hadn’t left his mind all day and he was ready for a reprieve from the pain of their losses. He also wanted a break from his eternal devotion to Steve. Dustin knew his feelings would never be returned and had gotten good at repressing them, but there were certain times where it was exponentially harder. It was just Dustin’s luck for that to happen on an already emotional volatile day. But whatever, he was used to the universe playing in his face by now.
Mike got the keys to his mom’s station wagon and they headed to Stacey’s. Dustin was sitting in the back row with Max and Lucas because Will called shotgun. His leg was bouncing with anxiety and he fiddled his thumbs while staring out the window. Like always, his thoughts strayed to Steve and wondered if he was enjoying his time with Robin, Nancy, and Jonathan. It’s been a long time since Steve saw them and he knew Steve missed them a lot. Dustin knew it was irrational because he saw Steve every day (it was non-negotiable between both of them, even though they never actually talked about it), but he still missed his best friend. They didn’t get much time together today. God, Dustin was beyond ready to drink those needy thoughts away.
Finally, Mike pulled up to a large house and parked. The Party got out of the car and grouped together for a quick rundown of their rules — buddy system always, no leaving drinks unattended, and to keep an eye on each other. It was silly, Dustin thought, to have rules for a high school party, but it lessened all of their anxiety, so it was worth it.
They walked up to the front door and Dustin rang the door bell. His friends were gathered behind him. Stacey opened the door with a smile on her face and motioned for them all to come in. Dustin was shocked by how many people were present.
“I’m glad you made it! Wasn’t sure if you would,” Stacey said while twirling her hair around her pointer finger. Dustin briefly entertained the idea of flirting back, of finally trying to move on from his unrequited feelings towards Steve, but it just wasn’t that kind of night for him. Not when Mike was still drowning in heartache or Will would be left to himself. Not when drinking alcohol was the only thing that made him forget how deeply he worshipped a man who would never reciprocate it.
“We had to do something else first, but in the end, the lure of free alcohol was too strong to miss.” Dustin replied already walking past her towards the kitchen. His friends followed and watched as he poured a cup full of the spiked punch and chugged it before going back for more.
“Dustin, take it easy, man. We just got here,” Mike started.
Dustin waved off his concerns and kept drinking. After his cup was filled for a third time, he looked up at his friends, eyes already a little glassy.
“I just want to forget for one night. I don’t want to think. Is that so bad?” Dustin just wanted them to understand. His brain was full of pain, of yearning, of longing, and he needed a break from it all.
Will looked at him intently for a few seconds and then said, “No, it’s understandable. I think we all feel that way. You were just brave enough to admit it first.”
Already losing his inhibition thanks to the cups of punch he’d consumed, Dustin whispered, “Not brave. Desperate.” He decided to quit looking at his friends’ faces and went about filling cups for all of them, even refilling his for the fourth time. “We came here to party, so let’s party!”
That’s how the night went. They drank, they danced, and they forgot about how their childhood was taken from them. They were normal teenagers for once just getting wasted at a party. Dustin had never felt so free in his entire life. His brain was quiet for once and he felt so light, so carefree. He was so far gone and it made him feel lighter than air.
Naturally, that was when the peace shattered. Dustin and his friends were on the dance floor once again. A wasted Andy sauntered up to the Party and focused his attention on Dustin. “Hey, freak. Didn’t know you could dance like that,” he slurred. His eyes were dark and roamed all over Dustin. He crept closer to the dancing boy who was shaking his hips in circle.
And Dustin, well, he was so close to being blackout drunk that he didn’t register it was Andy of all people checking him out. “Like what you see?” Dustin flirted. He bit his bottom lip and started grinding his hips.
Lucas was the least inebriated of his friends and didn’t like where things were heading, so he told Andy to fuck off and dragged his friends, especially Dustin, to the side.
“Dustin, what the hell, man? That was Andy!” He shouted. That took Dustin by surprise and he felt himself wanting to throw up. In his drunken haze, he allowed himself to pretend it was Steve who approached him on the dance floor and liked what he saw.
“I- I d-didn’t k-know. I t-thought it was S-steve,” Dustin cried. Tears fell from his eyes. He was so embarrassed and so stupid and he just wanted to go home. Not a single member of the Party was surprised by that.
“None of us can drive. Let’s call Steve for a ride,” Max suggested. She was clinging to Lucas for support.
“You guys do that. Will, Dustin, and I will go wait out front,” Mike said. Everyone agreed.
Lucas and Max went back inside the house. Mike and Will put Dustin in the middle of them and wrapped their arms around his shoulders acting like a shield for him.
“It’s okay, Dustin. It’s okay. You’re okay. I know feelings can be so hard,” Will talked to Dustin so gently. Dustin cried even harder because he knew for a fact that Will understood him better than his other friends would.
“I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s so hard to be near him, but I can’t let him go,” Dustin whimpered. His speech was slurred, his vision was blurred, and he really wished it wasn’t Steve coming to get them. He didn’t want Steve seeing him like this.
“Oh, Dustin, in a few months, you’ll be off to college. I think the distance might help. You’ll realize it’s better to have him as a friend than to have nothing at all with him, I promise.” Will comforted.
Mike didn’t relate to any of that, but he knew heartache like the back of his hand. And though his was a different kind, he still saw the painful longing in Dustin’s eyes. He gave Dustin a tight squeeze to let him know he wasn’t alone.
Lucas and Max joined them at the end of the driveway waiting for their ride.
“Steve said he’ll be in ten.” Lucas said. His arm was wrapped tightly around Max holding her close to him.
Dustin stopped crying and tried to pull himself together. Steve could not know about any of this.
“H-hey, don’t tell Steve about Andy, p-please,” he begged. “Don’t tell him anything I said, pl-please!”
“You got it, man,” his friends agreed. “He’s just giving us a ride.”
Dustin calmed himself down and wiped his face with his shirt. He wanted to run to the bathroom to wash his face, but knew his friends wouldn’t let him go alone, so he decided to use his sloshed state to his advantage if Steve noticed anything.
It was just as Steve was pulling up in his Chevy pickup truck that Andy made his presence known again. Dustin had separated himself from Mike and Will’s grasp just a few minutes earlier and was standing a few feet apart from everyone to get some air. Andy blocked his friends from his view.
“Freaky pretty boy, you’re alone this time!” Andy sneered and reached out to grab Dustin by the waist. He pulled Dustin right up against his body. Dustin was caught by surprise and only heard his blood rushing in his ears. He didn’t hear his friends yelling for Steve to help or the sound of a truck door being slammed shut. His eyes were closed as Andy’s tongue licked his earlobe.
Before Dustin could do or say anything, Andy was ripped away from him and met with a right hook square in the face. Dustin’s wide blue eyes landed on the form of a pissed off Steve who had blazing eyes and a fist ready to punch again. Andy was clutching at his newly broken nose.
“You don’t get to touch him like that after years of beating him up, especially when he’s drunk. Do it again and I’ll fucking end you,” Steve threatened in the deepest tone his voice could make. While it obviously scared Andy off, it sent shivers down Dustin’s spine. It was so hot when Steve got all protective of him. And Steve did that a lot, but Dustin always knew it was because Steve felt like a protector and older brother. It was a job to Steve and nothing more, but hey, in the safety of his own mind, Dustin felt it was okay to pretend otherwise.
Once Andy was gone, Steve’s demeanor changed instantly as he softly placed his hands on Dustin’s arms. The fire in his eyes was gone and a certain tenderness was left.
“Jesus, Henderson, are you okay?” Steve asked. His eyes were searching Dustin’s. It made Dustin’s heart break a little.
Blinking back tears, Dustin forced a smile to his face and tried making a joke. “I’m fine now that my hero is here.”
Steve rolled his eyes, but Dustin saw the grin he made. He led Dustin to his pickup where his friends were already piled in the bed and opened the passenger door for him. Once Dustin was in the truck, Steve reached for the seat belt and buckled him in. His hand brushed against his waist when he was done and Dustin felt the goosebumps on his arms immediately. He gave Steve a wobbly smile and Steve gave him a crooked one in return.
Steve got behind the wheel and headed off towards the Wheelers house where he dropped off everyone except Dustin. He was too worried about the younger boy to let him go.
“Henderson, you want to stay at my place for the night?” He asked. Dustin knew there wasn’t any pressure behind the question. Steve would do whatever Dustin wanted. He knew it was a bad idea to be alone with Steve when his inhibitions were down, but he missed his best friend so much already today that he didn’t care. It was worth the risk. Dustin nodded a yes to Steve and closed his eyes as Steve started the truck again. He was safe, he was home.
Dustin didn’t realize he’d fallen asleep until he woke up in Steve’s arms as he carried him into his house. He melted into Steve’s chest and tried to enjoy every second of this closeness that he could before it inevitably ended. Steve held on a little tighter and carried him all the way upstairs to his bedroom before laying Dustin down on his bed. Dustin loved that Steve knew where he wanted to go without having to ask. It made him feel seen in a way he never was before.
Steve sat down on the bed and gently removed Dustin’s shoes. He pulled the comforter out from under Dustin and motioned for him to get comfortable. Steve was about to tuck him in when Dustin grabbed his wrist without thinking clearly.
“Henderson?” Steve questioned softly.
“Sleep with me?” Dustin prompted with a vulnerability he hadn’t allowed Steve to see until now. He knew the exact second Steve clocked what it was and heard his breath hitch.
“Okay,” Steve whispered almost breathlessly and slid under the covers. They weren’t touching, but they were each lying on their sides just looking at each other. Steve was staring at Dustin with the softness, tenderness, adoration, and openness he only reserved for him and Dustin broke. He caved. It was too much right now.
“Steve, you have to stop looking at me like that,” Dustin spoke in a voice barely above a whisper. “I can’t take it anymore.” A lone tear slid down his cheek before he could stop it.
“Dustin,” Steve said in his deep tone. One of his hands reached up to Dustin’s face and his thumb brushed the tear away like it didn’t belong there.
However, Dustin was still pretty drunk and his heart was breaking in real time because he knew Steve wasn’t tormenting him on purpose. It was his own fault because they were his stupid feelings. Steve was being so kind to him and it was wrong of Dustin to take advantage of him being a good friend. Steve’s thumb was still caressing his cheek because Dustin had leaned into the touch.
“You have to stop, Steve, please, or I’m never going to get over you,” Dustin admitted; the filter in his brain finally dissolved under the alcohol and his deepest secret spilled out. Steve’s hand froze on his cheek and he looked in Dustin’s glossy eyes seeing the true depths of his devotion for the first time.
Steve was at a loss for words and Dustin understood it as drunk as he was. What shocked Dustin was that he didn’t mind. He didn’t care. There was a weight lifted off his chest now that he wasn’t hiding anymore. He found himself waiting for a gentle rejection and a promise that their friendship would never change. The silence made Dustin ramble with a desperation for Steve to understand.
“I’m in love with you, Steve, but I know that’s my problem, okay? I just need a little help is all. You are my best friend and always will be, but sometimes, I let myself believe your actions mean more than they do. And I know that’s wrong and you must think I’m a creep for taking advantage of our friendship, but I promise I know where I stand with you. I just need to add some boundaries now. Will says my feelings will be easier to manage when I go off to college and there’s some distance between us. It’ll be good for me, I think, because I accidentally flirted with Andy earlier thinking it was you in my drunken state. That’s why Lucas called you. Just, please, don’t hate me is all I ask. I couldn’t live with you hating me.” Dustin was hysterical by the end of his rant. His voice cracked a lot and it was higher than usual.
“I will never hate you, Dustin. Never. I think it’s impossible to hate the person you’re in love with,” Steve confessed. His hand was back caressing his cheek. “But I think we should save this talk for another time when you’re fully sober.”
Dustin felt a jolt in his body at Steve’s words. This was a dream; it had to be. And because he thought that, Dustin moved closer to Steve and kissed him. He kissed him with every ounce of passion and worship inside him. He was convinced this was a dream even further when he felt Steve return those feelings back to him even stronger. It was a spiritual experience truly.
He was surprised when he realized this wasn’t a dream because he needed to stop what he was doing in order to breathe again. Steve pulled away first and rested their foreheads together.
“I need you to sleep, so you can wake up sober. I think we have a lot to talk about tomorrow.” Steve gently demanded as he laid down on his back with the arm closest to Dustin propped behind his head. Dustin followed and rested his head over Steve’s heartbeat and listened to his favorite lullaby. Their legs tangled together and though they’ve cuddled like this in the past, there was something different about it now. Something that Dustin couldn’t wait to explore with the man holding him.