Chapter Text
'and thats not all! this afternoon, i got a call from chuuya's subordinate that his boss had just ordered a new helmet that matches with the new paint on his dirtbike - which is ridiculous because he such a horrible sense of fashion! Just yesterday he bought a new top that made every man and woman on the street stare! I was just seething, thinking how embarrasing it is standing next to an obnoxious looking manequin. Anyway, the subordinate said that he was getting a new helmet, which is stupid! Not only because of the fashion sense, but because he literally did this when I just purchased a $1000 headgear yesterday! Can you believe it?! That slug literally did this to waste my money!'
'Dazai... did you, by any chance, tell Nakahara kun that you bought a helmet fot him?' Odasaku asked calmly, trying his best to understand his friend's logic.
'Of course not, why would I do that?! Even if I did, he's going to tell me off for getting him stupid presents, so I might as well not give him that satisfaction! Also, I want to see his surprised expression when he opens the wrapping.'
'But if thats the case, how would he know not to get another helmet?'
'I dont know, ango, I'm not god! Maybe his slug senses tell him something his off, I mean he's pretty good at trusting his instincts! All I know is that he foiled my grand plan!' Dazai cried as he downed another glass of whiskey and hastily asked for another.
His cheeks were tinted red and his eyes were already getting droopy, the product of the glasses of alcohol that oftens comes with a rant about his partner. Ango and Odasaku just sighed and shook their heads. It's a ridiculuous endevour trying to understand the demon prodigy's mind, but a wholly impossible one when it involves his redhead partner. It's like dazai somehow fails to think straight.
'And get this, after the mission, he dragged my ass to debrief with Mori san. I had plans to do that tomorrow so I can at least get drunk enough to deal with Mori san's antics, but nooo, Chuuya, the ever port mafia loyal lackey boy, wouldn't let me go home until we told Mori all the details. He even had time to joke around with little Elise! I was shooting daggers at him the whole time and giving very curt reponses to Mori, but its either Chuuya's unexplainably dumb or just plain annoying, because he didn't pick up on any of my signals! Do you know how frustrating it is when your dog starts following the wrong master?!' Dazai trailed on as his friends listened helpessly.
--
That night, Odasaku was left with a Dazai flat on the counter drooling. of course he would get wasted. This always happens. He shouldve known from the moment Dazai called with the signature whiney voice he has when wanting to complain about Chuuya, so why on earth did he still go? While odasaku often finds purpose in his goodness, there are a few moments when he wished he could just shut his kind heart up - namely, this moment.
Ango had gone home earlier as he had an early morning tomorrow, and while Odasaku has the same excuse, he couldnt just leave the half-drunk Dazai alone with his thoughts, so he decided to stay shile nursing his own cup of whiskey. The same one he had from when they entered fhe bar, and lo and behold, before is his fate:
Odasaku picked dazai up by the shoulders and carried him out the bar as if he would a child.
'He is still a child,' his mind supplied, and he felt a pang of pity for the boy in his arms.
Oda decided to bring dazai to his apartment, as it was closest and Dazai threw a fit the last time he woke up in Odasaku's place. He complained about having backache and dizziness and splitting headache, and although Oda suspected it was the result of the hangover, he got the memo that dazai prefers his own space.
Halfway through the journey, Dazai stirred and woke up just enough to talk.
'shhh' Odasaku said as he ruffled Dazai's hair, trying to get the boy back to sleep.
'Odasaku?' Dazai murmured drowsily.
'Go back to sleep, Dazai. you'll have a worse hangover tomorrow if you wake up now.'
' 'm not sleepy... head hurts... Odasaku feels nice...'
Oda chuckled a bit at the last comment. 'That's because im carrying you, dazai. feels nice to be a kid, huh?'
' 'm not a kid, I'm a grown adult. I'm big and strong and very... very... mature...' Dazai slurred.
'It's okay to be a kid sometimes Dazai. Being mature isn't all that nice either.'
'But if I'm not mature, people won't take me seriously. If I'm not strong people will use me. 'm tired of that,' Dazai whispered softly, and Oda felt something within him break.
'Dazai, when was the last time you cried?' Oda asked. The quedtion had plagued him since the first time they became friends.
'Seven,' Dazai quietly said.
Is that seven years ago or when he was seven? Oda asked himself, but Dazai had given such a short answer, he was afraid pursuing it might make his friend pull back.
There was silence between them for a while, and Oda was sure Dazai wouldnt explain on the subject, when he suddenly heard a soft murmer in his ear.
' 'twas when my parents left we with Mori. My mom didn't love my dad, and he didntl't love her either. My dad had his own family and he said having me was a mistake. They said I shouldnt have been born. I said I never wanted to be here anyway. They called me ungrateful and selfish and left me with Mori 'to learn how hard it is to survive'. I never saw them after'
Moments after he spoke, Oda heard the smallest sniffling from his shoulder, like someone was trying to supress the urge to tear up. Oda had always known dazai was like this, as his friend he knew that below his onion skins, Dazai was still a kid... and yet he's appalled at how horribly this world has broke him.
'Dazai, you're not an adult, and I'm not Mori-san or your parents. I'm just Odasaku, and you're just Dazai, a seventeen year old kid. Cry if you need to,' and immediately after, Oda felt the warm kiss of tears on his shoulder. He felt how Dazai was vibrating under his arm, and how the brunette's own hands were clasping him tighter for support. Oda stroke his friend's back with his free hand, as he reminded himself again, 'Dazai is still a child.'
---
When they arrived at Dazai's appartment, the boy had calmed down and was back to sleep with red rimmed eyes. when Oda opened the door with the key in Dazai's pocket, he had expected a quick night where he put Dazai in bed and left, so you could imagine his surprise when Chuuya stood on the other side of the door.
'Na-nakahara san?'
'Sakanosuke-san, thank you for bringing the bastard back. I was waiting for him to come home - I have some documents from the boss you see, but Dazai never arrived. 'Figured I would wait,' Chuuya explained.
Chuuya himself had dark circles under his eyes, and from the way his shoulders slumped, Oda could surmise that he was overworked.
'Should I... wake him?' Oda asked, albeit reluctantly. After what happened on the journey here, he had little willingness to wake up the poor boy in his arms.
Chuuya seemed to understand something had happened, given the delivery of the question. 'No need, I didn't expect to go through the papers with him tonight anyway. You can drop Dazai on the couch, I'l take care of him from here. You look as tired as I am, Sakanosuke-san,' replied while pointing to a leather couch near the door.
but youre not supposed to be as tired as i am, Chuuya san, Odasaku said in his head. someone your age should be running in the streets with his friends filled with mirth and vigour.
Still, Oda simply nodded and did what he was told.
Just as Oda was about to leave, he felt a pull in his heart to stop in his tracks and stopped at the doorway. He looked at the port mafia executive before him, and for the second time that night, saw a child underneath the layers of clothing and armour.
'Nakahara san,' Odasaku said, looking into the boy's eyes and smiling softly as a father probably would, 'do you... want a hug?'
The small boy seemed taken aback by the question, but he didn't refuse. Instead, he walked into Odasaku's outstretched arms and wrapped his own around the taller boy's body, then squeezed tight. Oda too wrapped his arms around the redheaded boy, and stroked his back.
'You feel good, Odasaku,' Chuuya murmered into his chest.
Oda gave a small laugh and said, 'Yea, I've been told that before,' as he rubbed circles on the boy's back.
'Thanks man, I really need this.'
Oda supressed the urge to say 'I know', worried he'll sound presumptious, and instead settled with, 'Me too.'
They stood there in comfortable silence until Chuuya said he should take care of the sleeping child back in the apartment. 'He's going to wake up with worse backache if I dont move him now,' he commented.
'Nakahara-san,' Oda called out before Chuuya closed the door behind him.
'hm?'
'Take care of Dazai san, okay? He can be slow with his feelings, but he cares for you a great deal.'
Chuuya simply nodded, surprised by the sudden topic.
'And just call me if you need a friend, or someone to hold you,' Oda said shyly.
Chuuya slapped the bigger man lightly on the back and said, 'Of course man. I'l treat you to some drinks next time.'
--
After Odasaku left, Chuuya turned to the brunette still knocked out on the sofa.
'You have some good friends, mackarel,' he said to no one.
he heaved dazai onto his shoulder like a sack of rice and carried him like he would a toddler.
'mm... Odasaku?' Dazai murmured, awoken by the sudden movement.
'Wrong redhead, Dazai.'
'Chuuya!' Dazai said with as much enthusiasm his drunked self could muster. 'You're in my house!'
'Yea, Mori had some documents for you.'
Chuuya mustve said the wrong thing because dazai was quiet after that.
'Dazai?' the redhead asked, wondering if he fell asleep.
'Chuuya smells nice,' Dazai said as he snuggled closer into the chibi's chest.
'Oi! Dont say stuff like that, and who told you you can act all comfy?!' Chuuya cried, flustered.
'Chibi sounds nice too, looks pretty too,' Dazai continued in his delirious state.
'Shitty Dazai, I swear, you need to stop saying stuff like that or you'll sound like you like me.'
'But i do like you,' dazai stated in matter of fact way. Chuuya was so taken aback he almost dropped the boy.
'What the- stop messing around, shithead. You"re drunk.'
'Yes I'm drunk and yes I like Chibi-kun. Both things can be true. You know, even Elise-chan realised it before you.'
'Wha- why even- Dazai you're drunk!'
'I'm drunk, not stupid,' Dazai pouted, seemingly offended that his chibi wasn't taking this seriously.
'Chuuya gets so pretty when he's flustered,' Dazai then mumbled while he twirled a lock of red hair between his fingers.
'Here, I'll prove it to you.
I like Chuuya because Chuuya is my best friend. From the moment I saw Chuuya in Subirachi's outskirts, I knew he was going to be different, I knew my life was going to be different.
Chuuya knows how to make me laugh when I'm upset, and Chuuya takes care of me when I try to shut people out. He tries to act indifferent, but I know chibi-kun makes food for me so I don't starve, and he tends to my wounds so I don't get sick,' Dazai said sincerely while Chuuya sat down on the couch.
'Chuuya is also the kindest person I've met, which often times makes me angry that he's being nice to other people and not me. He makes me believe that there's good even in the mafia.
Chuuya is the most empathetic person I know. I see how his heart breaks when someone tells him their sad story, or how he celebrates like he's the one being awarded. That's why I hate it when people ask for help from Chuuya. They make him sad.
Chuuya makes me realise that I'm not the only one not deserving to be called human. Chuuya is most human being I know, and if he isn't human, then I don't think anyone has the right to be. In fact, if I had to categorise everyone in the world between human and monster, I'd put Chuuya in human and everyone else in monster. No one is as perfect as chuuya.'
'But maybe it's also because of the way Chuuya's red hair frames his face, making me wanna bury myself in it,' Dazai said as he snuggles deeper.
'Or the distinct blue colour of his eyes that make me see the ocean,' he says, tracing his thumb below chuuya's right eye.
'Or the way his freckles look like little constellations,' his hand moved from the cheek to tracing the bridge of chuuya's nose.
There was a moment of silence while Chuuya took it in.
'Dazai...'
'Hm?' the brunette replied, fingers still tracing chuuya's face.
'You're not drunk anymore, are you?'
'Nope, I realised what was happening halfway through my speech,' Dazai said with a little grin, 'but I was too far into the confession so I might as well finish it.'
'So what you said... you mean it?'
'Every word,' Dazai whispered, his fingers finding the slope of chuuya's lips. 'Chuuya doesn't have to say anything. It was an abrupt and drunken confession anyway. We can pretend like it never happened,' Dazai continued with a pained smile.
'No, fuck that,' Chuuya whispered as he brought dazai's face up and crashed their lips together. Dazai was surprised, but he quickly recovered and kissed back with equal fervor. The kiss was sloppy and messy, teeth often crashing with lips bruising, but they never let go and that's what mattered.
A few minutes in and Chuuya realised his partner had stopped kissing back. Then he listened to Dazai's breaths, slow and steady. The boy had fallen asleep!
The redhead chuckled to himself in disbelief, butbeh reckoned that as Dazai was drunk, the alcohol must've had a relapse.
He slowly moved the brunette to his room and tucked him in, and decided to spend the night in Dazai's guest room. Chuuya barely slept a wink, replaying Dazai'a words over and over again in his mind.
--
'Get out of your room, shitty Dazai. I can see you peeking,' Chuuya called out as he made his morning tea, back towards the brunette. 'There's the aspirin for your hangover with your coffee.'
Dazai sheepishly walked out of his dark room and took a seat on one of the stools. 'Did i say something stupid last night?' he mumbled, half because of the throbbing pain and half because he was genuinely concerned.
'You only heavily implied your undying love for me, that's all,' Chuuya replied as he took a sip of his tea with a grin. Dazai groaned loudly.
'Dont worry, I found it quite cute. Do you remember anything else?' Chuuya teased, to which he earned a glare.
'I remember saying you were pretty,' Dazai mumbled again with his cheeks and ears tomato red.
Chuuya hummed and said, 'What a pity. Do you dont remember the kiss we shared?'
Chuuya could see Dazai's brain shortcircuiting, his tiny Dazai shaped braincells running around that empty warehouse as alarmbells go off. His grin widened as he said, 'It was a good one too. Sloppy and messy, but I could tell that you really wanted it. You had your tongue halfway down my throat, you know, and your arm was going places it shouldn't be. We were on the couch right there,' Chuuya pointed, 'I could've sworn I moaned at least twice. I think I tasted blood too. A bit longer and we'd probably have to replace the leather.'
If Dazai was red before, his face now symbolised the literal sun, the fiery gas giant with flames popping off. Chuuya couldn't help but laugh when he saw the brunette's reaction.
'Chuuya shouldnt joke about that!' Dazai whined, hiding his face in his arms.
'Sorry, mackarel, but you're blushing so furiously,' the redhead continued laughing.
'Chuuya is such a meanie! He doesnt have to tease me if he doesn't like me back,' Dazai pouted. Chuuya stopped laughing then, wiping tears off his eyes.
'What are you talking about, mackarel? I said we kissed, didn't I?'
Realisation hit Dazai like a storm and his eyes grew wide.
'You're the most annoying bastard I've ever known but I also wouldn't want anyone else to be my best friend. And against all odds, I like your sorry ass, too. You're not the most noble, the kindest, or the best man alive, but you're always there for me when I need you, and the fact is, I trust you dazai.
'I trust you to take care of me after gruelling missions, I trust you to make me feel better after a bad day, I trust you to have my back when i can't keep it up myself. I trust you with my life, mackarel, and before you tell me that's a bad idea, I don't care what people say. The world may picture you as the big bad guy, the demon prodigy or right hand man of the port mafia leader, but to me, you're just a boy my age to whom life has been too harsh.
'You're not perfect but no one ever is, so fuck those people who hurt you and fuck those people who said you're evil, they obviously never cared enough to know you. To me, you're just Dazai, my best friend, my guardian angel, and the one I like. No one deserves to be happy, but that doesnt mean we cant be. So I like you to, mackarel, and honestly, I wouldn't choose anyone else to be my partner.'
Chuuya out down his cup of tea, walked over to Dazai, and took his face in his arms. 'Now stop crying or you'll go to work with puffy eyes,' Chuuya said as he wiped away the tears.
Dazai tried to muster up a smile, but it just made the scene more heartbreaking, so to silence the sobs, Chuuya leaned down and kissed him. It was salty with tears.
--
They went to work a little later that day - Dazai had to take a hot shower to erase the puffy eyes. They had agreed to keep it lowkey in work, no reason to give Mori more to leverege them with. Still, when in front of the port mafia doors, Dazai was reluctant to let the other's hand go.
'Come on, dazai. we're already late,' Chuuya chasticised.
'But chuuyaa, this is the first time we're doing it! Of course I'm clingy!'
'Why did I sign up for this,' Chuuya muttered.
'cuz chuuya likes me,' to which Chuuya rolled his eyes with a smile.
'Butalsobecausehesagooddoggie, okaybyee!' dazai said as he ran inside. 'the shit youre calling a dog, huh?!!' chuuya shouted as he chased dazai in the building.
it was a normal day again after all.