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The muddle of noise that constantly filled the ark seeped into your room, softly filling it with the muffled sounds of metal and speech. It was a nice white noise when you've adjusted. You hum to yourself and curl tighter into your bed.
Your fashioned little room was like an apartment almost, optimus had been worried about your needs and the chances of you feeling out of place at their base, meaning he and the other bots made sure you had everything you needed, it was sweet, you didn't deserve it.
Slowly you sit up. It was early morning, the sun hadn't risen yet nor had you slept. You grab your hoodie and your phone, half-heartedly putting on your shoes before you wander out of your room, you're intentionally quiet in the halls, slipping past hound and wheeljack successfully. You have to put an effort in slipping past Ironhide outside, who you assumed was keeping watch for deceptions or something like that. Eventually you succeeded and wheel your bike, which you had grabbed outside just a moment earlier earlier, forward before hopping on.
You ride far from the ark, eventually reaching the forest, you ride on eventually finding a trail you recognized and you rode on. When you finally reached a little town the sun was beginning to rise and warm light was slowly coating everything but people had yet to walk the streets and few cars drove by. You wander and wander, you let yourself think and think and think about thinking until you walk the length of the town and your legs are aching.
The pain is nice, it doesn't hurt the same as what you want but you settled for it for now. Eventually time begins melting together and feels like a blur until you're in a public bathroom red dripping down your arm as your phone rings, despite your mind screaming not to pick up immediately recognizing ironhides voice and the faint sound of cliffjumper and bee in the background.
“where are ya kid? everyone's here and it's freezing out, the slag are you doing, wandering around in the middle of nowhere in this weather?” He sounded worried, although it was a bit obvious he was trying to hide it under his scolding tone
“ ‘hide im… im ok just wanted to bike around a little and its sunny, i got my jacket for the cold ill be fine” You hummed trying to hide your wincing
“sunny or not if its below freezing! the closest town is far enough away you wouldve froze your aft off if you-...”
“if i?”
“Your in town aint ya?”
“Im fine, ‘hide ill be back in a few”
“you sure will, jazz is pickin you up”
You sigh, he hung up before you could respond. You know he cares, he's probably worrying his aft off. He was right too, god you're stupid, biking out of this weather with your thin hoodie and thinking no one would notice. Optimus is probably trying to calm Ironhide down, your sure he knows you'll be fine.
You wait for the last person to leave the bathroom so you can clean at the sink and roll your sleeves back down, this is easier, it's easier to keep it to yourself. At least that's what you tell yourself, you repeat mentally like a mantra as you leave the bathroom then the store you hadn't even processed entering. There's still not many cars out. You wander until a familiar car blasting its radio stops beside you, you sigh and get in the passenger side.
“hi jazz” you hum
“Heya!- you uh you ok? you got those dark bits under yer eyes real bad!” he says as be starts heading back to the ark
“m’fine jazz just a lil tired” you mumble lying back into his seat, you barely notice as his radio's volume lowers and he switches it to a calmer station, the hum of him driving has already lulled you halfway asleep. When you finally get back to the base you barely have time to hesitantly hobble out before you are scooped up.
You scrunched your eyes and grumbled reeling from the feeling of being plucked up so quickly. It was only when you were plopped down on a medical table that you looked up and realized it was ratchet that brought you to the medbay. Rubbing your face still trying to wake up you feel the color lose your face when you finally notice the dried smears of blood still on the back of your hands. That explained why ratchet plucked you up… did jazz comm him? did-
“Take your jacket off,” Ratchet huffed, leaving little room for argument. you blink, terror clawing at your throat.
“im fine ratch, ill just grab a bandaid from my room and-”
“Do not lie to me, you have several open wounds on your arms and have not refueled nor recharged in the last 24 hours” Ratchet huffed back, although he had a tell tale scowl on his faceplate it let a bit of worry slip through it. You didn't have time to dwell on how he knew that or what kind of freaky alien device he used to find it out, ratchet was leaning awkwardly attempting to find an angle wherein he could make eye contact and nudged you gently.
“off. now.”
reluctantly you began tugging it off, shakily and attempting not to let your fear slip through any more but once it was finally completely off you squeaked the moment his large servo went to adjust one of your arms so he could look.
“hey, hey breath alright?-”
Ratchet attempted to calm you but was interrupted by the doors to the medbay sliding open, the anxious frame of Optimus slipping through and approaching the too large magical slab you were sitting on. Ratchet opened his intake to reprimand him but his soft gaze made the medic stop before he could start, you almost laugh at the thought of such an imposing figure having puppy eyes.
“ oh sweetspark…” His voice rumbled softly, he held a tone so soft and sweet that it would bring you to tears if you weren't already holding them back. You jumped slightly he crouched to be at equal level with you, or at least closer to it, and reached his servo out palm up in a silent offer. You place your shaky palm in his servo and his fingers completely engulf your hand as he gently pulls it forward for ratchet to start cleaning the abrasions. His free servo reaches out and rubs soft circles in your back the best he could without tipping you over.
You aren't sure what exactly broke you, the shame or the gentleness that they both held towards you but you started crying, instinctively you silenced it, biting your lip and blinking as tears streamed down your face, sound less sobs wracking your body.
“shh shh, your ok, you can cry sweetspark… you can cry” Optimus hummed softly. You hesitantly stop stifling yourself and lean into Optimus’ touch.
Ratchet didn't say anything, it was clear he was worried though and his lack of his usual reprimanding was almost jarring. He's a medic, a war medic at that, he's seen his fair share of self inflicted damage on bots but to see it on a human? a species so much softer, so fragile that blunt impact just slightly too hard in the wrong place can kill? He had never had the urge to cup anything completely in his servos and keep it there forever shielded from anything until now.
“Optimus, can you go get them something to refuel?” Ratchet grumbled, Optimus nods and hesitantly pulls away not that you've quieted, allowing ratchet to replace the spots the primes servo's were. Once he's out and ratchet finishes bandaging he pulls his servos away and offers one to you allowing you to hesitantly get on it. He curls his fingers around you like you're a hamster or mouse he's trying not to drop or scare. It's an oddly comforting gesture .
“We're here for you, I know it's hard to remember but you should come to one of us if you need anything or feel like this is your only option, it's not.”
weakly you breathe out an apology, trying not to cry again.
“no, don't be sorry. no one blames you for anything”
“You are not at fault for feeling helpless” Optimus' voice makes you quickly turn to see him walking towards you with something in his servo. He leans forward offering what you can now see is a sandwich that looked like it lost a fight and a slightly crushed orange and a crumpled but somehow still sealed water bottle. You appreciate the effort and you don't know if you want to cry or laugh