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America is under attack!
Who’s about to sneak up to Lady Liberty and punch her in the face?
Is it the marauding Hun blitzkrieging across Europe? Is it the Imperial Navy who attacked our boys at Pearl Harbour?
No! America faces a much more insidious threat:
STD’s!
Hey boys. Did you know there’s an epidemic in this country? Well, there is, and it could be hiding in your trousers.
Do you know what an STD is? It’s a sexually transmitted disease, and the numbers are skyrocketing. And don’t think you’re not in danger because you’re a handsome idiot, a debonair homosexual, a hapless invalid, a recently domesticated bad boy photographer, or a strapping male soprano!
Remember, get tested for STD, or America will end up RIP!
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A year ago, if you’d have asked Sebastian what his favourite city in the world was, he’d have probably said Paris. In spite of the nasty memories he associated with the place, there were good times too. Summers spent avoiding tourists with his friends, Winters huddled under an umbrella with a boy he liked, watching the trees change colour and paint the city new shades of beautiful. All of it he remembered fondly, and he had truly believed that no matter what anyone said, New York would never be able to compete with all of that.
But he was wrong. New York was perfect. It was exactly his speed: fast. Everyone was always up to something, moving like they were being chased, juggling a thousand things at once. It made taking photos tricky sometimes but all the more rewarding when he managed to get a shot that perfectly captured the crowds, the hustle and bustle.
The buildings were magnificent, too. He’d always thought Paris had the capitol in that area, and it probably did, but the sheer size of New York architecture was so astounding that he regularly found himself preferring the skyscrapers to the classic beauty of Paris’ cafes and apartment blocks.
One of the best parts of Sebastian’s day was getting home and transferring the pictures from his digicam to his computer so that he could go through and find the best ones to tinker with. It always filled him with a feeling of disbelief that he got to live here. That day in and day out he got to fill his camera with pictures of the greatest city on Earth.
But Sebastian’s favourite part of New York, and favourite thing to take pictures of, was his boyfriend.
In Sebastian’s mind, Kurt was New York. He was sharp and unique, fast and witty. He could at times be cutting and decisive in a way that shocked a lot of people, but was also kind and generous beyond what most people could ever be.
Once upon a time, Sebastian had called Kurt ‘incongruous’. He’d said it about Kurt in his greasemonkey gear at the tire shop. What he’d meant was that he didn’t expect the Kurt Hummel he knew at the time to be in a tire shop, working on a car, but he was stupid then, he didn’t know Kurt Hummel at all.
A while later, after Kurt had been in New York long enough to let it into his blood, he’d returned to Lima, and it was the first time Sebastian had seen him in months. He’d thought the same thing he’d thought at the tire shop, that Kurt was incongruous to the setting of Lima. Perhaps he always had been, but being in New York had made the difference more stark and pronounced. Kurt didn’t belong in Lima anymore, maybe he never had.
Seeing Kurt in New York, though, was like seeing a panther in the jungle, or a lion perched on a rock in a savannah. It was seeing a creature totally in harmony with their surroundings.
That was why he loved taking pictures of Kurt. Because capturing the beauty of something so right was a joy he felt supremely lucky to partake in. That, and Kurt was super fucking hot.
Not that he hadn’t always been. Sebastian’s attraction to Kurt had, of course, been on a bit of a journey. But since that fateful morning after Kurt’s NYADA audition, Sebastian’s opinion that Kurt was the most attractive man he’d ever met had only been solidified further, and now they were at a point where Kurt could probably do anything to his body and Sebastian’s opinion wouldn’t change.
The wonderful thing was that Kurt had decided to get jacked, and by God was it a masterpiece.
During the week, they did not always wake up together. Kurt lived at the loft while Sebastian shared an apartment with Jeff and Nick in the East Village. However, their alarms were set to similar times, as they shared a similar class schedule. That meant that at the weekend, when Sebastian stayed at Kurt’s or vice versa, their body clocks were so in sync that they awoke near simultaneously.
They would then usually have lazy morning sex, Sebastian would get up to brush his teeth, and when he would get back, Kurt would be on number 78 of his 100 morning pushups, clad only in his underwear. Sebastian would then watch him finish them with the shit-eating grin of a man who knew he had the hottest boyfriend in the world. Sometimes, if he was feeling especially cheeky, he would go to his wallet and pull out his loose bills, only to rain them down on Kurt like he was some kind of stripper.
“Ass-” Kurt would curse, voice strained. “-hole.”
Sebastian would continue to throw more money at him, completely undeterred. “You look so hot.”
Kurt wouldn’t respond, but Sebastian could see his self-satisfied grin peeking out. Finally, he would finish and, slightly out of breath, would straighten up and wander over to where Sebastian had been sitting, enjoying the show.
He would quirk a cocky brow and glance down at his underwear briefly, just enough to tell Sebastian what he wanted. Sebastian would lean forward, take the waistband of Kurt’s underwear between his teeth, and tug them down. Then he would await further instruction, knowing it would irritate Kurt to high heaven that he would have to ask for what he wanted.
Kurt’s breath would be shaky, as physical exertion gave him a crazy libido, and Sebastian knew how much he liked to be flattered. Then Kurt would sigh and quirk his eyebrow again.
“What, are you just gonna stare at it?”
That would be enough for Sebastian to pounce and show Kurt just how damn perfect he was with his mouth.
It was the perfect weekend routine, as far as Sebastian was concerned. He was in New York, doing his New York degree, staying in New York apartments, with his hot New York boyfriend. Life truly couldn’t get much better.
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That being said, if Sebastian could allow himself just one tiny complaint about his New York life, it would probably be his hot New York boyfriend’s ex who just wouldn’t leave them the fuck alone.
It wasn’t that he was in New York too, that couldn’t be helped. Sebastian wasn’t psycho enough to demand that he drop out of college and leave the city he had decided belonged to him and Kurt, though he had thought about it. Nor was it that he was a part of their friendship group. Again, there wasn’t much that could be done for that and, honestly, he didn’t always hate having Blaine there.
One of his favourite pastimes these days was rubbing his relationship with Kurt in Blaine’s face. Not enough that Kurt would catch on to what he was doing, as Kurt probably wouldn’t like that too much, but enough to entertain him. Blaine just got so mad. And, Sebastian figured, he deserved it, the cheating bastard. He had his chance, and he blew it, and now Sebastian got to flaunt the winnings in the loser’s face, it was only fair.
So Sebastian would take what opportunities he could to grab Kurt’s ass when he knew Blaine would see, and whisper sensually in his ear within Blaine’s earshot. It was all in good fun, and the remnants of what Sebastian had decided long ago was Blaine’s due.
The issue was that he was always. Fucking. There. At that stupid goddamn loft. At NYADA when Sebastian would meet Kurt after class. At the diner, at their favourite coffee shop, at the fucking ICP of all goddamn places - why would Blaine be at the ICP? He was a theatre major and had never shown any interest in photography, why would he be there?
“It was a coincidence,” Kurt insisted after that particular run-in. They were walking to the Subway, having only just managed to shake him off when Sebastian insisted they spend the night at his place.
“You don’t believe that,” replied Sebastian. “It’s not a coincidence that he keeps showing up fucking everywhere.”
“Sebastian, we run in the same circles,” said Kurt. “You can’t blame him for being here, he’s friends with all of my friends, we go to the same school.”
“I know, and I don’t mind that part, but I do mind when he interrupts us on a date.” Sebastian scanned his Metro card and flew through the barriers, Kurt close behind. It helped that they were both long legged and could easily keep up with the New York subway crowd.
They didn’t find seats on the train, so ended up sharing a grab handle, pressed up so close together that their noses touched. Even though they were bickering, Sebastian couldn’t resist the urge to lean down and give his boyfriend a little peck on the lips. Kurt’s subsequent grin seemed reluctant, but his eyes shone with it, even as he rolled them in mock irritation.
“It’s annoying, I get it,” Kurt acquiesced.
“I just want us to have more alone time,” said Sebastian. “Do you know how many times Blaine has interrupted us at the loft when we were about to have sex? Six.”
“That’s not fair, everyone interrupts everyone at the loft,” Kurt argued.
“Sure, but not everyone is such a massive boner killer about it,” Sebastian grumbled. It was true, though. If anyone else interrupted them, Sebastian could be pretty certain that Kurt would be as frustrated about it as him, often even more so, and would throw himself at him the second they were left alone again. When Blaine did it, Kurt would often get overcome with a feeling of deep awkwardness that, to be fair, Sebastian understood. But it would kill the whole idea of sex for the rest of the day.
They’d had this discussion before, and Kurt recognised how deeply frustrating it was. Sebastian doubted many other couples had to deal with their exes having free entry to their open-plan apartment at any time of the day and night. Especially not exes whose history with both members of the couple was so damn complicated that even they forgot the specific details of it most of the time.
“What are we supposed to do about it?” Kurt asked.
“Revoke his key!”
“I can’t, he’d be the only person in the group without one,” said Kurt. “Plus, they have them for emergencies.”
“Okay, so impose visiting times,” Sebastian suggested.
"We’d have to impose them for everyone, and no one would follow them,” said Kurt. “Plus, isn’t that basically broadcasting our sex schedule?”
“We have a sex schedule?”
“We’ll have to come up with one if we’re gonna make everyone follow visiting hours like we’re monkeys in a goddamn zoo.”
They’d reached their stop and filed off the strain with the rest of the rush-hour mob. So busy was it that they couldn’t continue the conversation until the crowd had thinned and they were on Sebastian’s street.
“So, what, whenever we’re not at my place we have to live in constant fear of a Blaine-attack?” asked Sebastian.
“Do you have any better suggestions?”
Sebastian had one, but he wasn’t sure how Kurt would react to it. He let the conversation drop, opening the door to his apartment block and starting up the new topic of him visiting Kurt at his stage combat class.
“Blaine will be there,” Kurt warned. “Don’t want you to get jump-scared.”
Sebastian rolled his eyes. “I’ll behave myself, I swear.”
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They showed up to Kurt’s stage combat class together, after a long and glorious night of uninterrupted, Blaine-less sex that Sebastian absolutely needed after a few weeks staying at the loft. He was sure they were glowing as they walked in, floating through a perfect bubble of domestic, morning-after bliss. A bubble that was swiftly popped by Blaine’s scowling face.
“Good morning, sunshine,” Sebastian greeted dryly. Blaine scowled harder, somehow. How was it that when Kurt scowled he looked like an adorably irritated tree nymph, but when Blaine did it he sucked all the air out of the room?
Sebastian dumped his stuff by one of the windows. He had promised himself that he would do some work while he was here, but suspected that seeing Kurt pretending to fight a bunch of gym rats would probably distract him, so didn’t even bother getting his laptop out of his bag. When he turned back, Kurt, instead of chatting with Blaine, had settled himself by the weights and was doing fucking bicep curls. Sebastian nearly choked.
He noticed that he wasn’t the only one taken in by the display. Several male heads had turned in Kurt’s direction, and some of the bodies they belonged to were now walking towards him with obvious interest. Sebastian could probably go over there if he wanted to and shoo them all off, but he was actually remarkably entertained by the whole thing. His boyfriend was hot shit! He would wait for the perfect moment, then swoop in and make his status known, but for now he was happy to enjoy the show with the rest of them.
Unfortunately, the gremlin could never let him enjoy his boyfriend in peace, and sidled up beside him holding a bag of giant Cheese Puffs and stuffing them in his mouth between sentences.
“You should probably go over there,” said Blaine, his voice slightly muffled by the cheesy mush in his mouth.
Sebastian winced at the gross display and returned his gaze to Kurt, who was now chatting easily with a group of men who could easily pass for straight if they weren’t looking at him like a meal. One of them asked him to make a muscle, and he did, beautifully. Sebastian grinned.
“Why? I won’t interrupt him while he’s making new friends,” said Sebastian.
“They don’t look like new friends,” Blaine pointed out, sounding a little sullen.
“No, but does it matter?” asked Sebastian. “I mean, can you blame them?”
Out of the corner of Sebastian’s eye, he saw Blaine licking his cheese-dust covered fingers. “Well, aren’t you jealous?”
Sebastian considered. It had been a little while since he’d felt jealousy over Kurt. Not because he’d lost interest, Lord knew his interest grew greater by the day, but because he felt pretty secure that Kurt didn’t want to fuck anyone else but him. Their sex life was fantastic, and Kurt made his appreciation of Sebastian’s efforts very clear. Sebastian was also amazing in bed, he knew that and had plenty of receipts to prove it, so he felt confident that Kurt wasn’t going to stray physically out of nowhere (the way a certain gremlin might).
The last time Sebastian had felt truly jealous over Kurt was… well, over said gremlin. Not because he thought Blaine could compete with him sexually, but because he and Kurt had once shared a connection that Sebastian didn’t really get. He’d tried several times to wrap his head around it, but even back at Dalton when he saw them together day after day, he couldn’t quite figure out why Kurt was so damn attached to him. Affection, he could understand, Blaine had his endearing moments, and he was especially cute back at Dalton - but love? Enough that Kurt would consider taking him back after he cheated? And after he’d moved on with his life?
If he was being honest with himself, that was part of the reason he didn’t like having Blaine around. He was very annoying, and he constantly interrupted them at the worst possible times, but he also reminded Sebastian that Kurt had once been head over heels in love with him, enough that he even considered marrying him.
After Kurt’s attack a few weeks ago, he’d finally confessed to a general feeling of inadequacy. Kurt was so impossibly good, and Sebastian felt he couldn’t match up. But Kurt had assured him, with some deserved sternness, that Sebastian hadn’t tricked Kurt into dating him somehow, or was quietly deceiving him with some huge stunt. Kurt went into it with his eyes open to all of Sebastian’s flaws, and wasn’t backing out.
Since then, Sebastian had been making a concerted effort to believe him, and to dispel his thoughts of not being good enough. Kurt had been right. He was a grown up, capable of making grown up decisions, and if he wanted to be crazy and choose Sebastian of all people, that was his prerogative. All Sebastian had to do was keep working hard to prove that he’d chosen right.
The only thing, now, that would make Sebastian jealous would be the sight of Kurt falling for someone else, but that wasn’t happening. At least not with one of the harem of men ogling Kurt’s bicep.
Speaking of, his introspective moment was making him miss the Kurt-show - he needed to dial back in! Damn Blaine and his stupid, contagious moroseness.
“I’m not jealous,” Sebastian declared, admiring Kurt’s broad shoulders happily. “He’s hot, and he’s mine. I’m happy people agree.”
The instructor called for ‘shirts vs. skins’ and Sebastian nearly whooped.
“Babe, be skins!” he called, cupping his hands around his mouth.
Kurt turned in his direction and scowled in that beautiful, irritated tree-nymph way. Sebastian noticed one of the men asking Kurt something with a serious expression, and gesturing in Sebastian’s direction. Kurt rolled his eyes at it and Sebastian read Kurt’s lips as he seemingly replied, “No, that’s my boyfriend.”
That must have been what Kurt said, because the guy backed away from him and gave Sebastian a slightly wary look. In reply, Sebastian grinned and waved cheerily, much to Kurt’s obvious frustration, but Sebastian only grinned harder as Kurt tore off his shirt, holding fierce eye contact with Sebastian the entire time. It was enough to make Sebastian half hard.
He let out a wolf whistle and turned to Blaine, who had watched the entire interaction with his mouth agape, revealing an orange dust coated mouth with a half chewed Cheese Puff resting on his tongue. His cheeks were red as he stared at Kurt’s back and then snapped back to reality and glared at Sebastian.
“Good luck out there, tiger,” chirped Sebastian, giving Blaine a condescending pat on the shoulder. Then he sat himself down by the window with his stuff, his work absolutely forgotten, as Kurt was now shirtless and holding a fucking shield. Sebastian wasn’t the jealous type, he decided. He was the possessive type, and there was a difference.
Now that the entire room knew who Kurt would be going home to, he was absolutely content to let them all look as much as they pleased. And that included the gremlin wiping cheese dust onto his sweatpants.
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By the time class ended, Blaine’s face was red and puffy with exertion, Sebastian’s was alight with horny, possessive glee, and Kurt’s was pink with irritation and, from what Sebastian could parse from his years of Kurt Hummel knowledge, arousal.
“Was any of that really necessary?” he snapped the moment the teacher dismissed him and Sebastian came within earshot, Blaine standing lost at his side.
Sebastian had spent the entire class with his eyes glued to Kurt like someone was trying to take him away. He fielded questions during water breaks from some of Kurt’s admirers that ranged from ‘How the hell did you snag that?’ to ‘Any chance you guys are looking for a third?’, which Sebastian tired of once he realised that some of them were coming on to him.
Then they had moved from shirtless stage combat to fencing, which required Kurt’s body to be woefully covered from head to toe. And yet, Sebastian could always tell which was him, even with the helmet on, and when Kurt beat Blaine in their fencing match Sebastian stood up and ‘whooped’ before everyone else was even sure who had been victorious.
Then they moved on to more choreographed fights, which were almost as pleasant to watch as when Kurt had been shirtless, but too soon the class was over. And though that meant Sebastian got Kurt back, it also meant that Gizmo would be tagging along.
Sebastian, never one to let Blaine ruin his fun without a good fight, let his hand drift to Kurt’s marbled waist as he crowded into his space.
“Maybe not, but if you really wanted me to stop you would have told me to,” he purred, stroking his hand up and down Kurt’s side.
Kurt didn’t contest that, he just continued glaring at Sebastian with significantly less fire.
Blaine, ever the sharp stick up Sebastian’s ass, cleared his throat, interrupting their moment. “Lunch?”
“Sure,” said Kurt, leading the way out the door and down the hall, though not protesting when Sebastian slung his arm around his shoulder and checking behind them to make sure Kurt’s admirers saw.
They ended up at the central NYADA cafeteria, Kurt still showing off his toned biceps in his grey t-shirt, much to Sebastian’s delight. Across the table, Blaine pulled out his unfinished pack of Cheese Puffs and started munching away happily. Sebastian rested his arm across the back of Kurt’s chair as he watched in bemusement as Blaine managed to fit three in his mouth at once. He wondered what, exactly, Blaine got out of this. Was he just cockblocking? Was it awkwardness, not knowing what else to do? Did he not have anyone else to hang out with? What was it?
Sebastian could be tugging Kurt home now, putting to use his post-exercise libido. Or he could be taking him to lunch on his own, somewhere far nicer than the NYADA cafeteria. Instead he had to watch Blaine finish off a bag of chips in record time.
Whatever. There was no solution to his mess. Not if he wasn’t going to buck up and ask Kurt to just move in with him already, so he’d have to just let it be.
“Still meeting with Rachel later?” he asked Kurt instead, hoping to take his mind off the strange spectacle in front of him.
“Yeah,” Kurt sighed. “Although I don’t know how much help I’ll be, her opening night is next week.”
Sebastian nodded sympathetically. Rachel had been very… Rachel lately, but with an opening night on Broadway fast approaching he figured it was more than excusable. And, anyway, it was affecting Kurt more than it was affecting him. The stress of living with her was giving him migraines. Once again, a problem that Sebastian could probably fix if he would just man up and ask what he’d been meaning to ask.
“Did you get any work done between ogling me all class?” Kurt asked, turning to him, voice stern. Sometimes Sebastian thought that Kurt took Sebastian’s education more seriously than he did. “I didn’t see your laptop once.”
Sebastian shrugged bashfully, leaning closer. “How could I be expected to focus under such conditions?”
Kurt’s lips twitched. “Poor guy,” he cooed sarcastically, leaning forward to meet Sebastian’s lips.
Once again, the human embodiment of ice water being dumped on someone’s head cleared his throat, and the moment was ruined. Sebastian huffed.
“Do you need something, Blaine?” he asked irritably.
Blaine’s lip twitched at him while Kurt pinched his leg under the table.
“I was just thinking that maybe you two need to be alone,” Blaine sniped.
“You know, I couldn’t agree more-”
“Oh my god, will you two stop?” Kurt snapped. “Sebastian, it's nearly twelve, you’ve got class.”
Sebastian sighed. It was a class he wasn’t planning on going to and Kurt knew that, but the insistent, wide-eyed look Kurt was giving him suggested that he’d either have to suck it up and go or find something else to do for the next hour, because Kurt wasn’t taking any arguments.
“Fine,” he muttered, eyes on Kurt’s. He threw a glare in Blaine’s direction before deciding that he wasn’t going to be defeated that easily. “See you after, babe,” he crooned, before capturing Kurt’s lips in a searing kiss. He tilted Kurt’s head back and allowed the tiniest flicker of his tongue to brush against Kurt’s in a light tease before pulling back, leaving Kurt looking flushed and very much like he wanted Sebastian to stay. But absence made the heart grow fonder and the dick grow harder, so Sebastian had to take his leave, but not before throwing a sickeningly sweet grin Blaine’s way.
As he walked through Washington Square Park towards the NYU photography building, he considered the conundrum he was in. He was too much of a pussy to ask Kurt to move in with him, that was for sure. It was too big of a risk that Kurt would say no, and he didn’t want to push him so soon after getting out of the hospital. The only other solution was the tried and true, Sebastian Smythe classic of annoying someone until they eventually left you alone… or became your long-term boyfriend, but that had only happened once, and Kurt was a special case.
And so it was settled in Sebastian’s mind that he would dedicate some time and energy to making Blaine Anderson’s life hell. Whenever Blaine interrupted his time with Kurt, he would establish his proprietary interest the same way he just had until eventually Blaine got the message and fucked off. It was foolproof. And even though Blaine was a damn limpet, he figured it couldn’t possibly be that hard.
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The opportunity for making Blaine’s life hell came predictably quick, as the ex New Directioners could never stray far from one-another for long, and a ‘boys night’ was swiftly put in the books. It would be Kurt and Sebastian joined by Artie, Sam, and, of course, Blaine. Nick and Jeff sometimes joined them but tonight they wanted the apartment to themselves, a pain which Sebastian understood all too well.
Sebastian actually got along with Sam and Artie pretty well. Sam because they had a mutual love of old video games and ridiculous TV shows, and Artie because they both appreciated the cinematic approach to life. One time, early on in Kurt and Sebastian’s relationship, Artie mentioned to Sebastian that Kurt would look particularly striking on black and white film. Since then, Sebastian had taken a strong liking to him.
All this to say that Sebastian was actually looking forward to this dinner, and was in a pleasant mood when they arrived at the restaurant. They were the last there and the group had saved them the seat next to Blaine, and the seat the other side of it at the head of the table. Sebastian let Kurt take the one next to Blaine, as it was better for his plan that he be in Blaine’s direct line of sight.
Immediately, Sam began talking to him about his recent playthrough of ‘The Legend of Zelda: A Link To The Past’ on his Gameboy, which Sebastian engaged in enthusiastically, while entangling his legs with Kurt’s under the table. Blaine wouldn’t see it, he was just doing it for him.
The waiter came around and they ordered, Kurt opting for something protein-heavy and healthy that would probably taste like cardboard.
“You sure?” Sebastian teased.
Kurt shrugged and sighed with a light smile on his face. “I’ll probably steal some of yours when it gets here.”
“Yeah, that’s what I’m worried about,” returned Sebastian, pinching Kurt’s leg under the table and laughing.
Sebastian noticed Blaine staring and saw an opportunity. Kurt wouldn’t be okay with Sebastian doing anything too crazy, not in public like this, but he could probably get away with a suggestive hand placement. So Sebastian kept his hand where it was on Kurt’s thigh and stroked up and down. He heard Kurt’s breath grow a little unsteady, but that was the only indication Sebastian had that what he was doing was affecting Kurt at all, because he started up a conversation with Sam as if nothing was wrong.
It wasn’t until the waiter returned with their meals that Sebastian finally took his hand back, but that was enough for Blaine to have noticed its prolonged absence from the table and get that familiar, put-out look in his eye.
The conversation flowed easily. Sebastian chatted with Artie about his photography project, while Kurt and Blaine updated Sebastian on their NYADA assignments. Sam chatted about his modelling gigs and new relationship with Mercedes, and Artie talked about a girl in his film class he tried and failed to ask on a date. Kurt stole bits and pieces from Sebastian’s plate without needing to ask, and Sebastian leaned over to try his meal of cardboard. It actually wasn’t that bad, and he would honestly consider ordering the next time they came here. It was clearly working for Kurt.
Near the end of the meal, when they were waiting on their desserts, Sam asked if anyone knew where he could find a free clinic.
“Are you sick?” Artie asked.
“I don’t think so,” said Sam.
“Then what do you need a clinic for?” asked Blaine.
Sam glanced around and lowered his voice. “To make sure that I’m not, y’know, sick.” Sebastian wondered if he was talking about some kind of mental sickness. He looked around the table and it seemed like everyone was as confused as him. “Okay, guys, I’m trying to be a gentleman here, like, Mercedes-wise. Look, I want to get an STD test just to make sure I have a clean bill of health to, y’know, ease her mind.”
“Wait, you guys haven’t had sex yet?” Kurt asked. Sebastian, for one, was pretty shocked. To think that Sam, of all people, wasn’t having sex was like finding out a gogo dancer in a Chelsea nightclub wasn’t gay.
“No - what’s so shocking? We just started dating!” Sam exclaimed. Sebastian didn’t have enough experience with relationships to know if that meant much, since he and Kurt were having sex long before they were dating, but maybe people really did wait that long.
“But you sleep in the same room,” Blaine pointed out. Jesus, Sebastian had forgotten about that. Even Sam and Mercedes were living together and he and Kurt weren’t, how miserable.
“Well, I mean, I really like her, and I don’t want to mess things up, you know?” Sam reasoned. Sebastian couldn’t argue with that, he was in a similar predicament himself. “We’re taking it slow.”
“Well, I, for one, think that’s very, uh, admirable,” said Kurt. “And postmodern romantic.”
Sebastian nodded. “I’m impressed you’re sleeping in the same bed and it hasn’t happened yet.” Sam shrugged and gave Sebastian a look that suggested it wasn’t for lack of desire on his part. “But if you need a free clinic there’s one on 14th Street in Chelsea.”
“Does it hurt?” asked Sam. Sebastian squinted at him. “I mean, do they, like, stick your thing with anything?”
Sebastian winced at the thought.
“No, it’s just, like, a blood and urine sample,” Blaine explained. As he did, the waiter arrived with their desserts and passed Blaine a decadent frozen hot chocolate. More came for Artie and Sam, and a cheesecake for Sebastian (and likely Kurt when he finally caved). “If you’re nervous about it I’ll go with you.”
“Yeah,” agreed Kurt.
“Boy’s day, sounds fun!” said Artie.
“I’m in,” said Sebastian.
“I mean, we haven’t been tested since we decided to stop wearing protection,” said Kurt, gesturing between him and Sebastian.
“You guys were wearing protection? For how long?” asked Artie.
“A while,” said Kurt tersely, clearly not in the mood to give Artie the full storied history of their relationship in front of his ex boyfriend.
“What, were you worried one of you was gonna get knocked up?”
Sebastian flicked whipped cream at him. “Have you been living under a rock? Haven’t you seen ‘Rent’?”
“I’ve seen ‘Rent’, I’m just saying, why wait that long?” Artie asked. “Its not like you have to worry about birth control.”
Sebastian didn’t know how to answer that one, so looked to Kurt for help.
“Because Sebastian is a slut,” Kurt decided would be his explanation.
Sebastian smiled sweetly. “Was a slut, I’m reformed.”
“I feel you there, brother,” said Sam, patting him on the back. “Amazing how the right person can really change a man.”
Sebastian glanced up at Blaine who was probably only vaguely aware of the details of his and Kurt’s relationship. He only looked mildly irritated, though, and unsurprised. Maybe he was unaware of his history with Kurt, but he was familiar with Sebastian’s history of being a slut.
“Sam, you were not a slut, my man,” said Artie.
“I was!” Sam insisted.
Kurt shook his head. “You were a hopeless romantic, there’s a difference.”
“He still is a hopeless romantic,” said Sebastian.
“I dated Santana!” Sam insisted.
“You didn’t!” Sebastian exclaimed, scandalised.
“Oh god, here we go,” Kurt sighed, as he knew they were about to embark on yet another walk down the memory lane of weird New Directions relationships that was endlessly fascinating to Sebastian. It held their attentions until they finally paid the bill and left, spilling out into the crisp, New York night.
Sebastian would have to be the first to leave, as he was staying the night at his place in preparation for his early class tomorrow, and Kurt was going back to the loft to ‘sleep in his own clothes for a change’, much to Sebastian’s frustration. If they were only living in the same place they wouldn’t have this problem.
Still, that meant that he didn’t have much time to make Blaine uncomfortable before he left, so he decided to kill two birds with one stone: attempting to persuade Kurt to stay with him, and making Blaine want to die. With this in mind, he pulled Kurt aside after saying goodbye to the rest of the group.
“Don’t go,” he pleaded, tugging Kurt into his arms.
“I have to,” sighed Kurt wistfully. “I need my own shower, you don’t have any of my nice things at your place. Plus I haven’t actually spent a night at my own home in almost a week.”
Sebastian didn’t argue any further, he just backed Kurt up against a streetlamp. Kurt’s breath started coming a little quicker and Sebastian could feel his pulse in his wrists where he pinned them behind his back. Then he captured Kurt’s lips in a fierce kiss that Kurt immediately melted into.
He put his all into it, letting his tongue twist with Kurt’s in the delectable way he knew made Kurt’s knees weak. Sure enough, he was forced to let go of Kurt’s wrists in favour of holding him upright and pressing him further into the lamppost for support, all as he kissed him deeper. Kurt’s leg wound its way around his own and his now free hands tangled in his hair.
Sebastian would never tire of kissing Kurt, there was truly nothing like it. It was an added bonus sometimes when he knew people were watching. He was a bit of an exhibitionist that way, but Kurt knew that and, Sebastian suspected, privately liked it. If he didn’t think so, he wouldn’t do it.
“Excuse me, boys?” called Artie. Sebastian ignored him.
“Kurt, we’re gonna walk away without you!” Sam warned.
Kurt didn’t seem to hear, because he just held onto Sebastian tighter.
“Kurt!” Artie cried.
Sebastian reluctantly pulled away from Kurt’s lips, though keeping his arms wrapped around him tightly. “You gotta go with them, baby. Either that or you’re coming home with me.”
Kurt pouted, eyes laser focused on Sebastian’s lips. “Two more minutes."
Sebastian chuckled. “I think they’re past bargaining, honey.”
Kurt closed his eyes and appeared to talk himself through some sort of mental fortitude mantra before sighing and dislodging himself from Sebastian’s hold. “I’m coming!” he called out to the group. He glanced back at Sebastian longingly and seemed like he was wavering in his decision.
“Kurt, come on!” Sam cried.
“Urgh,” Kurt groaned. “Fine, fine.” He began to walk away before quickly running back and pressing a brief kiss against Sebastian’s lips. “See you tomorrow. Love you!”
“Love you, too!”
“Kurt!”
“You are so goddamn impatient, do I say anything when it takes you two hours to get off the phone with Mercedes when you saw her this morning?” Kurt snapped, running towards them.
Sebastian watched as his figure faded into the darkness of the New York night with painful longing. Too bad he was too chicken shit to do anything about it.
. ݁₊ ⊹ 🏙 . ݁˖ . ݁
As they had been out in public, Sebastian hadn’t gotten the chance to really get on Blaine’s nerves at the dinner, so he was primed and ready when he showed up at the loft for the post-STD test boys night.
He arrived early enough that only Kurt was there, and was brandishing a clean bill of health.
“Oh, good to know you haven’t been cheating,” Kurt quipped when he saw it. “Or at least you’ve been wearing protection when you do.”
Sebastian crowded him up against the dining table and wrapped his arms around his waist. “Sounds like a lot of effort.”
“Oh, and I’m the easier option?” Kurt teased, eyes sparkling. “Is that all I am to you? Convenience?”
“Well, considering I have to pilgrimage here all the way from the East Village whenever I want to see you, I wouldn’t exactly call ‘convenience’ the right word.” Sebastian trailed his hands up and down Kurt’s sides, stroking circles into him with his thumbs.
“Mm, well then I’d better make it worth your while,” Kurt murmured, leaning up and capturing Sebastian’s lips.
Sebastian’s body responded immediately as it was set alight by Kurt’s touch. He moved his hands from Kurt’s waist to the back of his legs and hoisted him up.
“Ooh, ‘lot of muscle on you now, huh?” Sebastian commented as he carried Kurt over to the couch. He considered the very high possibility that someone in the group, perhaps Blaine, would walk in on them, and was thrilled at the thought.
“Maybe I should be the one carrying you,” replied Kurt.
Sebastian threw him down into the sofa cushions. “All in good time.” Then he pounced, covering Kurt’s body with his own and entangling their tongues together. Kurt let out a shameless moan and let his hands ruck up the back of Sebastian’s sweater.
Sebastian let his lips trail down Kurt’s neck, nipping and sucking at the skin as he went.
“Sebastian,” Kurt whispered in his ear, the sound going straight to Sebastian’s cock. He groaned and grinded their clothed erections together, sucking at the spot at the base of Kurt’s neck that he knew was his weak spot.
Somewhere in the distance, he could hear footsteps and voices in the stairwell, but he ignored them, the thought of being caught only spurring him on. He attacked Kurt’s lips again with ferocity and trailed his hand down towards Kurt’s crotch, causing his breath to quicken with anticipation.
Then there was the loud bang of the loft door slamming open.
“Oh my god,” came Sam’s startled voice. “Dudes!”
Kurt shoved at Sebastian’s shoulders, forcing him up and off. It was a brutal loss that his body felt keenly. He turned back and found Artie, Sam, and Blaine standing in the doorway. Artie and Sam were covering their eyes with their hands, while Blaine’s eyes were visible, as big as saucers, and locked on the area where Sebastian’s lower half was connected with Kurt’s.
“You couldn’t have knocked?” Sebastian groused.
“We didn’t know it was gonna be so hot and heavy in here!” Sam protested, still keeping his eyes covered. Sebastian sat up, as did Kurt, whose face was still flushed and, Sebastian noticed through his impossibly tight pants, dick was still hard. A major win, in Sebastian’s books, as Kurt’s erection almost always deflated when Blaine entered the room.
“You can uncover your eyes now, Sam,” said Kurt. “You didn’t have to cover them in the first place, we were both fully clothed.”
“Not for lack of trying,” Sebastian added unhelpfully. Kurt gave him a look and stood up to help Artie unload his shopping bags. Who, Sebastian noticed, hadn’t said a word since he arrived, which was very unlike him.
Sebastian turned his attention to Blaine to see how he was taking it, and was delighted to find that he looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole, and was avoiding eye contact with Sebastian like he was Medusa.
“Sebastian, I brought over the season finale of Arliss, Blaine says he’s in - what about you?” asked Sam.
“That depends, which season finale?” asked Sebastian in return, as much a fan of the campy comedy genre as Sam himself.
“Six.”
“Yeah, let’s do it.”
As Sam and Sebastian queued up the show, Blaine made himself a bowl of popcorn and got the group some drinks, while Kurt served himself up a salad he’d had in the freezer, and Artie disappeared to Kurt’s room for some reason.
Sebastian gave Kurt a quizzical look when he noticed Artie’s absence but Kurt just shrugged. Artie was weird sometimes, it happened.
The group settled on the sofa to watch the show, Sebastian taking up the far end, with Kurt drifting over when he’d finished his food. He sat next to Sebastian, though not quite as close as Sebastian would have liked, so he tugged on Kurt’s shoulder to bring him down to rest on his chest. Kurt sighed as if this was some kind of hardship, but settled into it as soon as Sebastian started running an affectionate hand through his hair.
He glanced briefly at Blaine over the top of Kurt’s head and caught his gaze fixed in their direction for the briefest of moments, before he turned back to the TV. Sebastian smirked and, feigning nonchalance, let his hand drift southward across Kurt’s body and under his shirt, so that it was resting on his bare, chiselled sternum. Sure enough, Blaine’s eyes caught the movement, flicking in their direction only briefly, and his lips grew pinched and tense.
Sebastian smirked and pressed a kiss into Kurt’s hairline possessively while tightening his hold.
That’s right, rat boy, he’s mine!
Suddenly Kurt tensed a little, just enough that Sebastian noticed. He was about to say something when the show ended, and Artie burst in from Kurt’s ‘room’.
“Guys, I can’t stand it anymore. I have to tell you something,” he announced, glaring at the floor. Everyone sat up and turned to him with piqued interest. “I have chlamydia.”
“What?” choked Kurt.
Sam was more animated. “What?”
“Oh my god,” Blaine exclaimed.
“Man, that sucks,” said Sebastian, decidedly less shocked than everyone else.
Kurt turned to him. “‘Man, that sucks’? He has chlamydia!”
“So?”
“So? This is a huge deal, what aren’t you getting?” Sam exclaimed, standing up from the sofa and pacing.
Sebastian shrugged, slightly baffled at this insane reaction. “I don’t get it, it’s not like he has syphilis, it’s chlamydia! It’s the common cold of STDs!”
“You don’t think it’s that bad?” asked Artie, hopefully.
“It’s annoying,” Sebastian allowed. “But it just means you have to take antibiotics for a week, you’ll be fine.”
“You’re talking like you’ve had it,” Blaine accused.
Sebastian shrugged.
“Oh my god, how many times?” Kurt gasped. Sebastian swallowed. Well, there was that guy at Nick’s house party, the other one at the Scandals Halloween party, and then there was whatshisface with the cowlick… “Jesus Christ, you’re counting!”
“A couple times! I’ve had it a couple times!” Sebastian relented, throwing his hands in the air like a criminal on Law & Order.
“Okay, we’re sidelining this conversation,” Kurt huffed, standing up and perching himself on the arm of the sofa to talk to Artie. “How is it possible that you got chlamydia?”
“I don’t know!”
“Do you wear condoms?” asked Blaine.
“No…” Artie admitted.
“Well, that would be how.”
“Artie, are you kidding?” Sam exploded.
“The one time I bought some, I got nervous because they were locked behind a counter, and the pharmacist asked me what kind I liked and I panicked,” Artie ranted. “So then she gave me these ones that were all greasy and smelled like banana. It was like putting on a tiny, greasy, banana-flavoured wetsuit.”
“You should have come to me, I have tons of condoms,” Sebastian chirped.
Kurt shot him a fierce glare. “And why, exactly, is that?”
Sebastian paled. “Because NYU give them away for free! There’s a bowl of them every time you turn a corner and I figured, why not? We use them sometimes!”
“Not enough for you to have tons,” Kurt snapped.
“I have tons because we don’t use them!” Sebastian cried.
Sam groaned. “There’s no excuse, Artie, that’s completely irresponsible! You have to wear one every time!”
“Stop yelling, I’m sure he feels bad enough,” Blaine chided.
“No, Blaine, this isn’t okay,” Sam insisted. “Artie needs to be slut-shamed - I’m slut-shaming you, Artie!”
“He’s not the only one who needs to be slut-shamed,” Kurt commented, glaring pointedly in Sebastian’s direction.
“Baby, we’ve been over this, I’m reformed!”
“Sebastian, I can’t believe you’re encouraging this!” Sam exclaimed.
“I’m not encouraging anything!” cried Sebastian. “I was stupid and irresponsible when I was younger, I should have been safer.”
“Tell that to Artie, he clearly needs the reminder,” Sam huffed, stalking towards the bathroom.
Sebastian sighed. “You’re lucky it was just chlamydia,” he warned Artie. “You could have gotten something that can’t be cured.”
“Mr. Expert, over here,” Kurt muttered. Sebastian glared.
“You could have gotten somebody pregnant, did you think about that?” added Blaine.
“You have to tell the girl you slept with,” said Kurt.
“Which one?” asked Artie. All heads turned in his direction, including Sam’s that peeked out from the bathroom with a look of pure horror.
“What?” Kurt repeated.
“I’m sorry. ‘Which one’?” asked Blaine.
“I’ve been sleeping with two different girls!”
“Who are you?” Sam cried, scrubbing his hands with sanitizer. “It’s like I don’t even know you!”
“Sam!” Blaine cried. “Calm down! Artie, listen to us, you have to tell these girls that you have chlamydia. If you don’t, you’re gonna put their health at risk. And they could be spreading it to others. It’s the right thing to do, you owe it to them.”
Artie looked thoroughly dressed down. He glanced at Sebastian pleadingly.
“Don’t look at me for help,” he hedged. Artie sighed.
“I’ll tell them tomorrow,” he relented.
Sebastian settled back into the sofa, the conversation officially squared away. For Artie, that was. Judging by the harsh looks Kurt kept sending his way, the conversation for him was far from over.
Several times for the rest of the evening Sebastian attempted to turn Kurt’s mood around, but none of his usual tricks were working. Every suggestive hand was met with a swift brushing off, every inside joke was responded to with stony silence. He refused every cuddle or mark of affection, enough that it was driving Sebastian crazy, and by the end of the night he thought he was going to pull his hair out from frustration.
Finally, the gang left, and Sebastian and Kurt had a few hours to themselves before Rachel got home from rehearsals. Sebastian didn’t want to waste it arguing, so he leapt right into the speech he had been rehearsing all evening about how he’d been irresponsible and slutty as a teenager but that he’d grown and learned from it and now only wanted Kurt and would do just about anything to make him happy, even if that meant throwing out all of his condoms as a symbolic gesture, but Kurt stopped him.
“I’m not mad that you’ve had chlamydia before.”
“Oh?” Sebastian straightened up. “Then, what are you mad about?”
Kurt let out a tense breath. His brows were furrowed and his mouth was tight with worry that Sebastian desperately wanted to kiss away.
“I get that you don’t like Blaine,” he ground out through gritted teeth. “And I don’t mind you two bickering with each other, but I don’t like you using me to get on his nerves.”
Oh. That- well. Kurt had a right to be pissed about that.
“I didn’t even realise until today, you were cuddling me on the sofa just to get to him, weren’t you? Is that what the kiss the other night was about? You… establishing your dominance? I don’t get it!”
“No, baby, no,” Sebastian breathed. “Look, I- How do I say this? Annoying Blaine is an added bonus to doing the things that I want to do with you anyway! And I thought, maybe, that if I annoyed him enough he’d finally leave us alone.”
Kurt raised a sceptical eyebrow. “You expect me to believe that?”
“Yes?” Sebastian glanced around helplessly.
Kurt rolled his eyes and walked to the sofa, settling down on it with a heavy sigh. Sebastian followed him like a lost puppy and sat by his side.
“I know how shitty it probably looked, but I really was just doing it to get rid of him,” Sebastian explained.
“‘Bas,” Kurt sighed. “Do you think I don’t know you well enough by now to know what you’re really doing?”
Sebastian gulped nervously. “What am I really doing?”
“You’re distracting yourself,” Kurt explained. “Every time there’s something on your mind that you don’t want to think about, you distract yourself with some elaborate game that only you are playing. You did it in high school with me when you didn’t want to think about your family, you did it after I left for New York with Blaine, and you’re doing it now, so what’s going on?”
Sebastian flushed red, feeling vulnerable that Kurt had just read him like a book. That was one part of being in a committed relationship that Sebastian still wasn’t used to: being known that goddamn well.
“I guess I have been throwing a bit of a temper tantrum,” he admitted. Kurt nodded, eyes wide with agreement. “I-uh…”
“Use your words, big guy,” Kurt teased, a callback to the day Sebastian told Kurt he loved him for the first time. That reminder was enough to let the dam of Sebastian’s internal monologue loose.
“Blaine just annoys me!” he cried. “He’s always fucking there when I don’t want him to be, he’s like a damn limpet! And I don’t get what he even gets out of it, surely it’s killing him and yet he just won’t go away! And I’m sick of seeing his face, he’s always so sullen and miserable, he brings the mood down. And no matter how hard I try to figure it out, I can't see what you ever saw in him. Also, he’s not just your ex! He was your first love, that’s a big deal! And every time he’s here he just reminds me that you were so in love with him you thought about marrying him, and here I am scared to even ask you to move in with me!”
Kurt’s face lit up with understanding the moment that last sentence left Sebastian’s lips. He blushed. He hadn’t meant to say that part out loud.
“So that’s what this is about,” whispered Kurt with a knowing smile.
“I guess,” Sebastian relented, pouting slightly at being so easy to figure out.
Kurt poked him in the side. “And why didn’t you just ask me that?”
Sebastian sighed. “Because you just got out of the hospital! You don’t need me here pushing you to make some big life change, you need stability. I wanted to ask you before the attack, but we were in such a bad place, and then everything was so horrible that I forgot about it a little. But now… I don’t know, I can’t stop thinking about how great it would be not to have to say goodbye to each other every night. To have our own place where Blaine and everyone else can’t interrupt us. But, like I said, I don’t want to put pressure on you, so if you don’t want to do it you can say so and I won’t be-”
Sebastian was cut off with a firm kiss. He closed his eyes and would have been more than happy to let the conversation drop if Kurt didn’t pull back and give him the sort of sappy smile that would always and forever melt Sebastian’s heart.
“You are such an idiot,” Kurt whispered, eyes sparkling.
Sebastian blushed. “I know.”
For a moment they just gazed at each other, breathing the other in. When Kurt broke the silence it was only to say, “I’d love to move in with you.”
“Really?” Sebastian gasped.
Kurt grinned and nodded. “But we have to get somewhere we can both afford, I’m not letting you pay 80% of the rent.”
“I was planning on paying 100%.”
“Fifty, fifty,” said Kurt sternly.
“Seventy, thirty?”
“Fifty, fifty.”
“Sixty, forty?”
“This isn’t up for debate.”
“Fifty-five, forty-five - final offer.”
Kurt’s lips twitched. “Deal.”
Sebastian launched himself at him, throwing him back onto the sofa and peppering his face with kisses. Kurt giggled under the assault and didn’t even try to playfully shove him off.
For the first time in months Sebastian felt totally and completely light. He almost hadn’t realised that his perfect New York life could be even more perfect, and yet here it was. He and Kurt were going to live together! They would have their own space! Kurt would take the lead on decorating, while Sebastian sourced prints to put on the wall from his favourite photographers. They’d live in a neighbourhood much closer to NYU and NYADA so that they could sleep in even on class-heavy days. They’d pick out their own bed, maybe they’d eventually get a pet…
It was all so perfect he just wanted it to happen now.
“How soon can we get started?” he asked.
“I guess we can start looking right away,” said Kurt. “It’ll probably take us forever to find a place.”
“Not if the universe is on our side, which I’m pretty sure it is,” said Sebastian, very seriously.
“If you say so,” Kurt grinned.
“When can we tell everyone?”
Kurt considered. “I’ll have to tell Rachel first, she might not take it so well. Then we can tell everyone over dinner or something.”
“Sounds perfect,” Sebastian sighed happily.
“Isn’t it magical how you can get everything you want just by using your words and communicating with me?” Kurt asked sarcastically.
Sebastian snorted. “Excuse me, Mr. ‘I Don’t Say, I Sing’.”
“That’s not the same, songs are very emotionally communicative-”
Now it was Sebastian’s turn to cut his boyfriend off with a kiss. Kurt didn’t seem to mind, though, as he let out a contented noise and wrapped his arms around Sebastian’s shoulders. They made out like teenagers on the couch for a bit, and Sebastian was just beginning to entertain the thought of doing something before Rachel got home, when the door slammed open and she announced her presence with a high-pitched vocal riff.
Sebastian sighed grumpily and Kurt ruffled his hair.
“Don’t worry,” he whispered. “Soon we’ll have our own place and we’ll never get interrupted again.”
The thought of it alone was enough to make Sebastian want to haul Kurt off to the bedroom, but reluctantly got up when Kurt shoved him off. It was true, soon they would have all the time in the world.