Chapter Text
——
Dear Diory :),
Akechi has been having too good of a week. I had Futaba get his location figured out for me, and I’ve been watching his ass like a hawk. Aside from the whole “being hailed as a hero” thing, he’s just been generally having a nice time. I’m making it my personal goal to fuck that up ASAP. The best thing I could think of was little inconveniences. When he left his apartment the other day, I went in and moved his little coffee table a few inches to the left. I also hid some shoes I found but I don’t know if that’ll affect him. Sis helped me put in a few cameras hidden around so I can watch him more. This shit makes me feel like a MASSIVE creep, but I’ve got a plan with all this, okay?
Hear me out; I fucking GET HIM. Long story short, I’m very certain he’s the guy in the black mask that Madarame brought up forever ago, and I’m gonna torment him for my own amusement and then fucking kidnap him. That way we can, like, forcibly make him a Phantom Thief. I sound nuts, but I swear this is a good reason. And ALSO, he’s got like 45,000 yen in shit I gave him. I want it back, or I want him to pay up. Like, I know he can. I’m pissed, I’m allegedly dead, and I’m gonna fucking GET HIM! I don’t take moles lightly, man. Don’t fuck with my team— in the past, present, or future— or you’ll be getting this too! Anyway, that guy is a fucking snake, so I’m gonna take advantage of the venom.
——
Right now, I’m out on his balcony. He never comes out here, and if he does, then I’d win in a fistfight with that twink. He’s home, I hear him. I think he’s watching the news and doing paperwork… I check, and the feed matches that. I really think I could get him tomorrow honestly. Hope Boss won’t mind me having a friend over for… ever? I guess.
——
Been a few hours, I’m sleepy. He’s finally going to bed, ugh. Did you know he sleeps with a stuffed animal??? Was he not lying when he said sometimes he wishes Santa was real?
I’m gonna scare him.
——
I tested this escape route a couple hours ago, and other than a chance to twist my ankle, it should work out fine. I check the feed to make sure he won’t immediately see me, and I get up onto the railing. I manage to awkwardly brace myself against the wall. I’m mostly in the window, and I can see him: completely unaware, kinda peaceful. Yeah, I’m gonna scare the shit outta this guy.
BANG!
I watch him flinch. He doesn’t move, but he’s tense.
BANG BANG BANG!
And he shoots upright. I see fear in his eyes, and it’s intoxicating to see it bloom into abject terror.
“YOU ARE MINE!”
And I think that’s when he knows it’s me. I see his eyes flash with fury as he manages to pull himself out of bed, and I know it’s my cue to leave. I hop from the railing and pull myself onto the balcony below, and I make myself small behind a lounge chair as I hear him scramble out the door. A gun clicks, but he never fires. He’s breathing quickly, sounds like he’s shaking. I’d almost laugh, but that’d kinda get me killed, or something.
“I KNOW YOU’RE OUT THERE!” He yells. Mr. Detective Prince doesn’t sound super confident… and he goes back inside. I hear someone coming out to see what’s going on, so he probably remembered he has neighbors.
I give the situation a little air, and then I start my way down. I totally twist my ankle when I make it to the ground though. Shit.
——
I’m fuckin CRYINGGG LMAO
He’s like frothing at the mouth right now, trying to decide if he should call somebody or just accept this as a hallucination. It’s super funny seeing him like this, I get why Sis bugged Leblanc now.
Anyway, I should start planning for tomorrow, I gotta text everyone
——
[] Today; 1:29
guys
guys
who wants to fuckin jump somebody tmr
Y: why are you awake at this hour?
irrelevant
do you wanna jump Akechi
R: For real?
For REAL
R: Sign me up
F: mwehehe >;3
Oh yeah thanks for the help
F: You’d be lost without me.
Y: What are we doing??
we’re attacking and kidnapping akechi
Y: why?
did we not fill you in
F: basically we’re kidnapping him for intel, and more powerful hands on deck in metaverse
Y: Won’t it be bad if he knows LUCA’s alive?
only if he gets away.
besides I totally scared the shit outta him today, I’ll tell you guys later
M: All of you, go to bed.
do you wanna beat the shit out of akechi tomorrow
M: I really think that plan should take more time to decide. Maybe the day after that.
Now. Bed.
Stop messaging us.
why is bro so mean,,
R: Man I wouldn’t push it…
[]
——
Oh shit I didn’t notice it, Akechi texted me. Good thing I don’t have my read receipts on lmao
——
[] Today; 1:04
A: Where are you
I know you’re out there I saw you
How do you know where I am??
How did you survive??
Hello???
Your plan won’t work on me
You couldn’t kill me if you tried
I am the hero who stopped terrorists in Japan
You all are terrorists
I’ll come for your little friends next
And that damn cat
I know you’re reading these goddamnit
Fuck you
I know you’re alive
I fucking know what I saw
ANSWER ME
I KNOW YOU’RE ALIVE
STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME OR I’LL KILL YOU AGAIN
[]
——
Like a needy girlfriend.
Final notes before I turn in;
we can catch him in Kichijoji probably, hopefully no one will see us
tell everyone to come in disguise
OOH we could use Morgana as bait, ask about that
goodnight :)
——