Chapter Text
Iruka: (grading papers at his kotatsu; will to live draining with each and every paper) "...I care about my students' well-beings. I care about my students' well-beings. I care--"
[sounds of someone rifling in the fridge]
Hidan: (yells from kitchen) "Do you really if you've got to keep telling yourself that?"
[loud smack-sound followed by Hidan yelping]
Iruka: (does not look up from papers) "Yes, Hidan-san." (blinks when paper is removed from his hand) "Hello Kakuzu-san."
Kakuzu: (reading over paper) "Iruka-san. Sorry about the idiot wrecking your kitchen."
Hidan: (from kitchen) "Screw you! I'm hungry now!"
Iruka: "Keep it down, please. I have neighbors and if you guys are caught here, it'll be an entirely new cluster." (looks up at Kakuzu) "Do we have time for me to finish grading before you have to kidnap me?"
Kakuzu: "Sure--oh what the actual hell?!" (stares at Iruka) "Did this kid somehow logically prove that existence is meaningless using dango addiction as a prompt?!"
Iruka: "Yeah...Kanna-chan has...interesting logic." (sweatdrop) "It's better than her siblings though."
Kakuzu: "Elaborate."
Iruka: "Er, well...Hakudoshi-kun ran a cheat-sheet business for a week before he was caught, Muso-kun tried to prove that the meaning of life was waffles then dumped a bowl of waffle batter on his teacher when they corrected him, and Kagura-chan got two teachers suspended, without pay, for three weeks just because they told her that she wasn't allowed to use her wind jutsu to puppet her classmates into dancing for her amusement."
Kakuzu: (drops paper; stare of judgement)
Hidan: (leaning out from kitchen and staring--a fried chicken leg in each hand and a third hanging out of his mouth)
Iruka: "Yeah..." (nervous scar scratch) "That, um, that family has some issues "
Hidan: (after removing chicken leg from his mouth) "All of us Akatsuki have issues, man. That family sounds completely batshit."
Iruka: "They're actually good kids, they're just dealing with a lot because their father is an abusive prick who keeps ripping them away from the couple who they actually listen to and who actually cares about them."
Kakuzu: (taps chin) "Any chance that those kids are looking for work? 'Cause I can put in a few words with "Pein" and Konan."
Iruka: (annoyed) "You're not recruiting any of my students and/or former students, Kakuzu-san, no matter how troubled their home lives are."
Kakuzu: "Can you blame a man for trying?"
Iruka: (goes back to grading) "Yes. Yes, I can. Hand me that pen, please?"
(beat)
Iruka: "Though...if the kids' father were to meet with an accident so that his kids are free of him and can go back to the couple whom they want to be with...I might be willing to make slow-cooked barbeque ribs for the person responsible."
Hidan: (finishes one of the chicken legs) "On it!" (dives out window with chicken legs brandished like kunai)
Kakuzu: (sighs; sits down across from Iruka; gathers a few papers and a pen)
Iruka: "Kakuzu-san...?"
Kakuzu: (starts skimming papers) "If you finish before he gets back, then we can get a headstart and I can get a few minutes of peace and quiet."