Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Minho feels like he is being watched.

Of course, in this day and age it's borderline impossible to not being looked at once or twice in public, especially if you look out of the place, or out of standard public behaviours - and by that Minho means impolite, or if you look— pretty.

But Minho is having none of that, and he's not a celebrity, so why doesn't that feeling go away?

He would understand the stares on his good days, because Minho, as humble as he is, has to admit that he does look bomb when he is put together. But right now, he is not. He has his dark circles so prominent that people would believe he inherited them from a panda. Dark circles can be genetic and don't necessary mean tiredness, but a combo of dark circle and weary, droopy eyes do at least imply a lack of proper rest. His eyes are lifeless, so yeah, he looks beyond tired. Try to pair that with an old tee and jeans, and you will have the embodiment of a background actor or any of the younglings nowadays - spending their health currency as if they were billionaires.

He isn't acting weird or anything, also.

Minho is waiting in front of a music studio's door, in a hallway full of people moving like busy bees. The only reason he's out of his house at this time - 7:08 am on Sunday - is because his (kindness) lack of sleep, malfunctioning brain has listened to Changbin's plea.

"Hyung, can you help me check if my document is at home? I forgot to bring it. It's… uh… I don't remember exactly where I put it, but the envelop is yellow. On the kitchen island, or the counter top, or maybe near the shoes rack?"

Minho reluctantly dragged himself out of bed and found the thing on Changbin's table. In his room. He reported exactly that to Changbin in monotone.

"Is that so… Ha ha… Hyung, can you please do me a favour? Can you… Can you bring that document to my studio, please?" The silence from Minho made him quickly added, "I can't return home to take it because I'm gonna have meetings soon. That doc relates to my matter of life and death. The sooner you bring it here the fatter the chance I can come back home in one piece tonight. Please, hyung, I'll do whatever you want for you after this."

And that's how he ended up outside Changbin's studio, and felt that strange feeling of being watched closely.

He looked tired before, but now the emotion on his face has switched to annoyed. He has rushed out in a hurry, remembering to dress appropriately for workplace but forgetting putting in his contact lenses. His eyesight isn't bad, just bad enough that he can't quite tell where the gaze is coming from.

The door bursts open.

"Hyung!"

Changbin is on the verge of tear when he sees Minho holding that yellow envelope. He opens his arms to pull Minho into a hug, but stops when he notices the irritation settling between Minho's eyebrows.

Guilt starts dripping out from every single pore Changbin has on his body.

"Minho-hyung, I'm so, so sorry for dragging you here so early. I—"

"No, no, I'm sorry. Here." Minho gives him the envelope and pinches his nose bridge. "No worries. Maybe I'm hallucinating a little and it pisses me off."

"Hallucinating about what? Hyung, you look very exhausted. How did you get here? By the subway? Should I call you a taxi or do I need to call an ambulance?"

"Of course an ambulance for you because I'm going to beat your forgetful ass up." He flicks Changbin's forehead. "Feel like someone is watching me but maybe it's just me being too sensitive."

He yawns.

"Anything else, Seo Changbin?"

"That's all. Thank you again, hyung. I'm sor—"

Minho puts a finger on Changbin's rambling mouth.

"Appreciation accepted. You are welcome. Bring me some fried chicken on your way home. No spicy. See you later."

He pat-pats Changbin on the top of his fluffy head and walks away, hands tucked in his pockets. He absentmindedly thinks of grabbing a coffee on his way home and going on with his day, since he's awake anyway, and maybe he'll go to bed earlier tonight—

"Oof!"

He lets out a surprised sound while taking a few steps backward - he has bumped into someone at a turn. The word "sorry" starts forming on his tongue but erases itself from existence the moment he sees the person he has collided with. He squints hard in utter disbelief before his pupils blow wide.

"… Kim Seungmin?"

"…Minho-hyung."

The stranger turns out to be not a stranger at all.

Minho is polite, but he's not an easygoing person. He also doesn't have many friends and he prefers it to be that way. Once they have been friend with each other, Minho rarely cut ties with them, only if they wrong him badly, or if it's them who stop being friend with him first.

Seungmin grudgingly belongs to the second case.

When Minho was eleven, his family moved right next to the Kim family, their houses shared a wall in between. Seungmin was two years younger than Minho, and it took a year or so for them to become close. He could proudly say that he had witnessed Seungmin growing up. In Minho's memories, Kim Seungmin was a quiet kid. The boy used to tag behind Minho like a little tail that happened to take shape in gangly limbs and a mouthful of braces. His eyes never hid any emotions and he wore his heart on his sleeve.

Minho was 19 when he took a gap year and went to Japan for six months. He came back home half a year later, knocking on his neighbour's door with gifts occupied his other hand. No one answered. He returned three days later, then a week after, then two weeks... For two months, he came back every week, only to be welcomed each time by the same, unbroken silence.

Seungmin had moved away. Both he and his family. Minho only found out when he saw a family moving into Seungmin's house. Shock and confusion rippled through the Lee household, even his parents were taken aback. They had been away for two weeks on vacation, and in that short span of time, Seungmin's family had simply disappeared, leaving nothing behind but questions.

The house had been sold. Minho tried asking his new neighbour for the number of the old owner who had sold them this house. They gave it to him, but by the time he called, the number had already been unregistered.

Seungmin's number and social media accounts were deleted, too. Not even Seungmin's friends knew how to contact him. He just… vanished into the thin air. Minho was worried sick - he even went as far as bringing the problem to the police.

It's not a missing case, young man. They just moved abroad, to America.

From that point, Minho lost every string of connections he had with Seungmin. He was about to be one of the mysteries that had happened in Minho's life…

Until this moment.

They stare at each other, Seungmin is the one to back down first. He turns his face side way, awkwardly bringing up a hand to scratch the back of his head. The mole on his cheek has been erased.

"... Hi, hyu—"

"So you are not dead."

Their voices overlap, and Minho raises his hand to cover his mouth hurriedly. His words come out of his thoughts unfiltered as a poor attempt from his sleep-deprived brain. They are not kids anymore, hell, he doesn't even know this Kim Seungmin.

It's been nine years. They are not the same. Minho cannot treat Seungmin the same.

"Sorry, I—"

"No, Kim Seungmin is dead and this is his ghost speaking with you." Seungmin smiles. "It's been quite a while, Minho-hyung."

Minho is speechless for a long minute. Seungmin tells him:

"I really want to catch up with you, unfortunately I have a meeting to attend in…" he looks at his wrist, then sighs. "…now. Do you mind giving me your number so I can contact you later?"

Seungmin pulls out his phone and hands it to Minho, his fingers long and delicate and nimble and…

"Can you put it here?"

Minho snaps out of his thoughts. He takes the phone without a word and types his number in, then gives it back to Seungmin. He briefly sees Seungmin saving his contact under the name Kitt… something, but he quickly deletes that and types "Lee Minho-hyung" instead.

So Seungmin still remembers his last name, huh?

"Thanks, hyung. Uh… I have to go now. See you later. Have a good day."

"Wait, the contact—"

His mouth is running out of control. Again. Minho is embarrassed. Seungmin is already walking away, but he turns back and waits for him to finish.

"Uh… maybe I have typed one wrong digit earlier… Can you… uh… Can you give it a call, to make sure it's not someone else's number?"

"Sure, hyung."

It doesn't take long for Minho's phone to vibrate in his pocket. He fishes it out, slides the "accept" button. Seconds start to add up on Seungmin's screen.

Looking up, he sees the remnants of softness ghosting the corner of Seungmin's eyes. One blink and it has disappeared. Minho thinks he is hallucinating again.

"Right… uh… See you later. Have a nice day, too."

When Minho comes home, he goes on autopilot changing his clothes and heads straight to bed. Well, if everything happened this morning is just his malfunctioning brain making shits up, he will know once he wakes up.

Nothing a good sleep can't fix.

********

Minho has a dream.

The dream pulls him back to when he was still a snotty teenager, when Seungmin still used to call him "kitty-hyung". Minho had two cats at that time and he took the role as their oldest brother very seriously. Seungmin didn't agree with that at first.

"Hyung, you look more like their mom. Or dad. What older brother treats his siblings like this?"

"What do you mean "like this"? Do you have problems with me loving my younger brothers?"

"You aren't like my sister. She often hits me and yells at me. All of my friends' older brothers or sisters are like mine, too." Seungmin pouted. "She doesn't treat me like how you treat your cats. You don't act like an older sibling, so you are not."

"No, I am their older brother!"

"No you are not!"

They kept bickering and at one point, Minho got so frustrated that he shoved Seungmin on his shoulders. The boy stumbled and fell down. He tried to refrain the tears accumulated in his eyes from falling.

"See! This is how older siblings acts! You don't do this to your cats! I was right!"

"I'm not your sibling! I am my cats' sibling! I will never want a bad younger brother like you!"

Seungmin jolted. His eyes widened, and the dam broke.

"Uwahhhhh!"

The pettiness in Minho had had a split moment of victory before his conscience took place. Minho had never encountered this situation in his life. Kids only cried when he threatened to kick their asses or kicked their asses for real (mind you, Minho never initiated fighting - he only fought to defend himself, and they cried as the result of picking a fight with him but losing it). Tears never dropped when it was just yelling involved.

He could feel the tears starting to gather in his eyes.

Seungmin's sister came into the living room right at that moment.

"Sorry for the intrusion, eomma-nim. Thank you for let me borrow your book last time, I'll keep it well and return it after I finish reading. Seungmin-ah, it's time to go home for dinne— What?" She ran to Seungmin and hold him in her arms. "What happened? Why are you crying?"

"Goodness!" Minho's mother was surprised too. "Boys, what happened?"

Minho was ashamed. After all, it was him who made Seungmin cry. But— but Seungmin was being mean to him, too. He whimpered but didn't say anything, waiting for Seungmin to report him to his sister and his mother.

Seungmin surprisingly didn't say anything. He just clung to his sister and refused to let go, wiping all of his tears and snots on her shoulder. His sister struggled to carry him while standing up. She was eighteen, her body not yet strong nor tall enough to bear the weight of an eleven-year-old boy like her younger brother, yet she managed. Seungmin realised what his sister was attempting to do half way, so he wriggled as a sign to tell her to put him down. His sister didn't.

She turned to Minho's mother with Seungmin in her arms.

"I'll get Seungmin home first. See you later, eomma-nim. Bye bye, Minho."

Minho couldn't force his voice out of his wobbling lips, so he brought a hand up to wave the Kim siblings goodbye. Through his blurry vision, he saw Seungmin's sister giving him a small smile. Seungmin lifted his head up a little to sneak Minho a glance - he quickly ducked away when he spotted Minho looking at him. He mumbled his goodbye to Minho's mother, still sobbed and hiccuped and hidden in the crook of his sister's shoulder.

"Goodbye eomma-nim, goodbye Minho-hyung."

Minho's mother escorted them out of the door. She stayed on the porch, waiting for the Kim siblings to enter their house. Minho stood there with her and refused to go back in until his mother nudged him on the back.

He felt so bad to make Seungmin cry. He felt even worse for a fact that Seungmin didn't call him out earlier. The boy was younger and defenseless. The fall must have hurt him. But he didn't acknowledge Soonie and Doongie as Minho's brothers, and that hurt Minho, too. The cats couldn't speak, so he had to stand up for them.

Oh, Minho felt like crying again.

"Do you want some water, Minho-ah?"

His mother asked him. He shook. She then crouched down and stroked his hair.

"Do you want to tell me why both you and Seungminnie cried earlier?"

Minho used his sleeves to wipe his tears away. His voice was still a little cracked when he spoke.

"… Seungminnie told me I'm not Soonie's and Doongie's brother because I don't treat them like how an older brother often treats his siblings. I tried to told him that I am but he didn't listen…"

He stopped there. His mother didn't say anything, instead, she just looked at him while threading her fingers in his hair, combing gently, and Minho took that as a sign to continue.

"… so I shoved him. I promise I just did it very lightly, but he still fell down. He kept telling me that's how it's supposed to look like between siblings. Siblings fight, and I don't act like that." His voice turned incredibly smaller. "I told him because I'm not his brother… and I'd never want a younger brother like him."

He sniffled.

"I'm sorry, mom. I was wrong. I shouldn't have pushed Seungminnie like that and hurt him."

A new round of tears started falling down his face again. His mother waited for him to calm down a little before wiping his cheeks with her thumbs. Then she held his hands.

"Minho-ah, baby, look at me."

He tried to quiet down his sniffle.

"I know that you love Soonie and Doongie, and that won't change whether what Seungminnie had said. You will still love them and take care of them like what you are already doing, right?" Minho nodded. "He said that because… You see, between siblings there can be bickers and even fights, I remember me and your aunt were also like that. But we still love each other. Maybe it's like that for Seungminnie and his sister, too. They fight, but it's siblings-love fight."

"Seungminnie's words have hurt you, I know, but you weren't being nice with Seungminnie, too, especially when you said you didn't want a brother like him. It could make him feel bad at himself. Also when you pushed him and yelled at him, but you already know about these."

"I'm sorry, mom."

"You don't have to say sorry to me, because it's Seungminnie who has been hurt, not me, Minho-ah. Do you know what you should do the next time you see him?"

"I'll say sorry to him. And I'll tell him that his words hurt me too and to not doing it again."

"That's my boy."

"Can I go to Seungminnie's house and say sorry now?"

"Maybe tomorrow, baby. Let Seungminnie have dinner with his family and go to sleep early, so he can rest. Tomorrow you can come find him. I think after a good sleep he will feel better, you too, Minho-ah."

Minho wakes up with a start. It's nearly 6 pm.

He has slept through his lunch and misses every activity he has planned before 6, including vocal practice. He doubts that he can even sleep tonight.

It was a good sleep. Long dream, or— long fraction of memory. He doesn't really remember what had happened after that, but he vaguely recalls that he and Seungmin had eventually made up. Seungmin also had said sorry to him. From that point, he kept calling Minho "kitty-hyung" to prove that he acknowledged Minho as Soonie's and Doongie's brother.

Talking about Seungmin…

Minho hastily grabs his phone and opens his call history. On top of the list there displays an unknown number that has lasted for 3 seconds, called at 7:21 am today. The owner of that number is a Schrodinger's cat to Minho. He doesn't dare to verify.

Minho hops out of bed and throws his phone back on it. He goes to the bathroom, letting warm water wash some of the fogginess in his mind away. When he gets out, Changbin is already home.

"Hyung! I bought chicken. And pear, in case you need it for the drink for your throat."

"Oho, Seo Changbin. I'm very pleased with these offerings."

They set the table. Minho pours Changbin a glass of a water. He then turns around, looking for the kettle to heat up water for himself, but he gives up the moment he sees the microwave. He sighs, feeling too lazy to fumble around with stove and kettle and waiting.

"Hyung, me too. I want warm water, too."

"Do it yourself, Seo Changbin. Don't order me around."

He grumbles but still reaches out to take Changbin's glass, placing it next to his in the microwave.

"Thanks, hyung. How was your day today? Except for the part that you have to wake up early to help me?"

"It was ok. When I got back, I go straight to my bed and sleep until 6."

"Beauty sleep, huh. You really need it, hyung. You've been working hard. Thanks again for today."

They cheer with their glasses of lukewarm water.

Minho has been juggling two jobs at the same time. He works mostly as a session singer in the same studio where Changbin is a producer, and does voice-acting as a side gig. He just signed a voice-acting contract for another project. The project is being carried outside of Korea, so he has been functioning through his nights like an owl to match up with the time zone of his client abroad. Not every night, since it's still a remote job, but recently the project he is working on has encountered some issues, and he has no choice but to work overtime to help dealing with it.

At least he's getting paid for working overtime.

"Yeah, I just sent another voice draft to them. The director is milking everyone, including himself, for the sake of the project. He earns my respect. It's not easy to be a pain in the ass but an admired individual at the same time."

"Are you second-handedly praising yourself?"

"Yes, yes I am."

"Anyway, remember what I told you last time, about the philanthropy gala on Thursday next week? Our studio is invited." Changbin speaks with his mouth full of fried chicken. "One of the gala founders is Nordic, so there's supposed to be a performance that relates to their root. Well, the song, the singer… everything has been organised, but two days ago the main instrumentalis— the violinist performing for that song had had a bone fracture on her finger, so she had to withdraw from the show.

Changbin stops to take a bite. Minho doesn't really interested in these kind of event, so he just sits there and listens to Changbin yapping. He barely has any inputs.

"How do you know about this? You are supposed to be a guest, not that gala's organiser, no?"

"I have connections, hyung. Back to the story. The violinist's withdrawal was kind of sudden and last-minute, but she had recommended a substituted artist for her position, so thing was not that bad. At first, the organiser was skeptical with her choice, but then I butted in. Said I know the guy and he is professional and worth a try."

"What in the odds that you know that person."

"I know right, I've worked with him before. The meeting I had this morning was a quick check up for the organiser to see if the guy was qualified, or to see if her choice was right and I was not a liar."

"Thanks heaven that your reputation is kept intact. Anyway, who will represent out studio and attend the gala? You or Chan-hyung?"

Minho briefly stands up, takes a tour in the kitchen's shelves and comes back with a clean plate, a knife, and the pears that Changbin has brought home. He sits back down.

"Me, Chan-hyung and Jisung are going to attend. Wait— I'm not done yet."

"Go on. I'm listening."

"Another problem popped up. In the middle of the meeting today, one of the three backup singers for the whole show called and announced that he couldn't do it. Personal reason. Crazy, right? So they would have to find another singer to fill in that place." Changbin crouches slightly towards Minho. "You know what I'm talking about, hyung."

Minho has stopped peeling the pears.

"There's going to be a private audition tomorrow, the number of people auditioning is very limited, since it's last minute and they only reached out to people who are nominated to them through their connections. I nominated you, hyung. You should consider it, because this event is big, and it's gonna be good for your profile. I don't know about the exact number, but you'll be paid handsome."

Minho is not poor - let's get this fact straight. But he's not rich, either. And who doesn't like extra money? Definitely not Minho. He has been saving money for his parents' house renovation and a small flat for himself. Living with Changbin isn't bad, but this is his house, and although Minho pays his rent regularly, things are going to be awkward once Changbin gets himself a partner and want to take it seriously. Minho, too.

Moreover, he has a hunch that Seo Changbin has already have someone in mind. He just doesn't know how to prove it. Yet.

"Wow, this is the first time I get the nepo-treatment. Thanks a lot, Changbinnie. Now hand me the full detail for this opportunity!" He jokingly points the fruit knife in his hand towards Changbin, then feeds him a piece of pear. "—Please."

"You know I nominated you because of your competence, not our friendship, right, hyung? I have my standard." Changbin's cheeks are stuffed. He has a small mouth. "I'll send you the detail of tomorrow to your mail box."

Minho adds the diced pear into a pot, and sets it on the low heat to refrain it from boiling. The pear is brew slowly.

Good things take time.

"I know. Thank you."

********

Seungmin didn't contact him after their encounter near Changbin's studio.

Minho hates that this is the first thing he thinks of as soon as he opens his eyes. Maybe his "later" and Seungmin's "later" are different. Maybe the encounter was a hallucination that his subconscious mind had slipped out when he was dead exhausted. The miss call in his phone might be a from a scammer, or not, and it better stays unknown just like the Schrodinger's cat.

Minho shouldn't be worked up like this.

They say "out of sight, out of mind," but Seungmin used to occupy his whole headspace the first couple years after he went away. It was like that mostly because Minho was struggled to adapt to the abrupt change, also because he couldn't make sense of the whole situation. Subconsciousness and habits are scary. Minho remembered, for a long period of time he always cooked the eggs to be soft-boiled. That was how Seungmin preferred his eggs to be done, even though Minho was more of a hard-boiled egg person and Seungmin was not there to eat them anymore. Or that he always imagined what Seungmin would say whenever Minho heard anything related to baseball or violin.

Seungmin had two activities after class beside doing his homework: one is baseball, the other is violin.

The boy genuinely loved baseball. Minho had come to his practice quite often to pick him up or to play with him a little, when he persuaded him that playing with kitty-hyung would make him react to the ball better. His eyes shone the brightest when doing it, and he could yap about the sport with Minho for hours. Minho isn't fond of anything that involved balls (except for men, but that's another story in the future), so at time like that he would zone out once or twice while letting Seungmin chatted his ears off. Seungmin didn't mind. He just needed a person who willingly listened to him and embraced his passion for the sport other than the coach.

Violin, on the other hand, was something his parents had signed him up for since he was four, before Minho even knew him. Seungmin had picked it up like it was his second nature. That being said, Minho wasn't sure whether Seungmin loved it like he loved baseball.

"My mom said I was blessed by the nine muses of art for my musicality. I didn't even know who they were until today."

Seungmin had exclaimed to Minho while reading a book about Greek mythology.

"So it's a good thing, no? If you are a prodigy, then you'll have more advantages than other people who also play violin. Speaking of which, can you play me… uh… I forgot the name, the song that you played for me last week? You have your violin here already."

"What is the occasion, hyung?" Seungmin rolled his eyes.

"I like that song. I like you when you play that song."

Seungmin was silent for a long time. Minho, the oblivious boy he used to be, didn't caught on the odd quietness and continued asking.

"Music likes you. Do you like it, Seungmin-ah?"

Seungmin didn't answer his question. Instead, he carefully pulled out his violin and tuned it.

"Silly cat-hyung, I remembered telling you the name of that song before. If you like it that much, you should at least remember its name."

Ah, Seungmin had switched "kitty-hyung" to "cat-hyung" when they grew older. The "kitty-hyung" still slipped out sometimes, though. Once more, habits are scary.

What is the name of that song, again?

Half of his mind is filled up with this question when he's on the way to the audition. Minho doesn't have a tendency to fixate on things he doesn't have an answer for. That specific song is one of the exceptions, probably because it gives Minho a mocking feeling of you used to know me, but not anymore, and it's totally on you.

The audition starts at 8:30. Minho arrives 20 minutes earlier than the assigned time. He is not anxious… maybe a little bit. It's not something he hasn't done before, but still.

Minho finishes his audition rather smoothly. The judges hold him back for a last request.

"Alright, thank you, Minho-ssi. Please give us a moment." They discuss something under their breath, Minho can't hear anything. "Minho-ssi, have you heard the song Fairytale by Alexander Rybak before?"

"… I'm sorry, I haven't."

He utters. On one hand, he finds the name extremely familiar. The odd feeling, however, doesn't last long. It subsides rapidly when he realises there is a fat chance that the song is in English.

"If we play the song now, can you learn it on the spot and give it a go?"

Minho is not very good with English. He wings it anyway.

"Of course."

"Here is your musical sheet with the lyrics. We will play the music now. You'll have five minutes to prepare before harmonizing it with our singer."

Despite the dread rising in his guts, Minho starts analysing the lyrics, the clefs, the notes and the rests, and so on.

The music starts playing.

Fire rises and dies in his chest. He falls into silence, caught between recognition and disbelief. Out of all the songs that exist in this world, they give Minho the one that he used to pester Seungmin to play for him. The one that was passing through his mind just barely an hour ago.

Really, what in the odds?

********

Minho gets the gig.

The acceptance email arrived at 1 pm, when Minho was about to leave from Changbin’s studio. Minho hated to admit, but Changbin did look like a proud father when Minho informed him that he was chosen for the job. Minho received a light smack on his back as a congratulation. He tells Changbin on his way out:

"I might go home late tonight, since they want me to come practising and rehearsing every day till Thursday, starting from today. I don't know when it will finish."

"Don't worry about me, hyung. Probably I'll have to overtime today with Chan-hyung and Jisung, too. We're going to have dinner together. Sent me a text if you finish early and want to come join us." His smile is gentle. "Don't push yourself to hard, hyung. Good luck with the practice today. See you later."

"Even if I finish early, I'll ditch all three of you and hoard a fine dining all by myself and send you guys the pictures of it."

"Bye bye, hyung. I hope you stuff yourself so full you can't fit in your favourite trousers, then."

"Are you speaking from experience? Bye bye."

Minho is close to all three of them. They are around his age, and they find Minho's dry, sarcastic kind of humour amusing and endearing, instead of freaking out or taking it personally like most people do. They understand he doesn't mean harm and more often than not indulge him in his own remarks.

His friends know Minho cares about them.

Minho has given up long ago on being a people pleaser, or persuading people to think he's not a twisted, cold-hearted and mean dude. He can't keep seeking for the everyone's approval, letting then grow attached to his masked self and risking his mental health while most of them aren't worth it. Especially when they aren't worth it.

But then, if said people are important to you…

Minho can't imagine the pain one has to go through deciding what weights heavier in their heart - themselves or their loved ones - if they can't find a common ground to compromise. Or if one of them refuses to compromise.

He is so deep in his headspace that he starts imagining scenarios. What if his parents hadn't accepted his sexuality and had refused to defend him under the reason of "protecting the family's honour" that day? What if taking two or more jobs at the same time means missing most family and friends' gatherings, and one day his loved ones don't want to wait for him anymore?

He thinks of Seungmin and the Schrodinger's cat in the box disguised as Minho's call history. What if he has to swallow his pride and comes to Seungmin over there and demands an explanation for his disappearance years ago, only to finds out…

Wait, what? Seungmin over there?

Seungmin, indeed, is standing on the stage, talking with a staff.

"Lee Minho-ssi, right? This way, please."

Minho has to push his confusion to the side to work like the professional he is. He is brought behind the stage to greet other artists performing for the gala. Minho blinks when somebody gives him a stack of music sheets and a pen amidst the greetings. He blinks one more time and suddenly he is on the stage. Seungmin is no longer here.

There are three backup singers in total, including Minho. Since it is his first day, he is told by one of the other two to follow what they do on the stage. He doesn't have to sing right away, he can jot down any necessary notes and get accustomed to the music, the singing, and the gala's setting. They do expect him to catch on quick, though.

Things seem to process just fine. Minho quickly gets the tones and the moods of each performance that requires his participation. Everyone is polite and treats him fairly well, which makes Minho feel like he is a duckling that's being taken care of.

He is having a quick chat with his two fellow backup singers when Seungmin reappears. He bows at everyone but has come to a halt when he saw Minho, and has to do a double take.

It's good to know the surprise is mutual.

He comes out on stage with a violin. It's for that one song. That one Nordic folk-inspired song that Seungmin used to play for him when they were young.

Minho looks at Seungmin standing across from him on the stage for a moment longer than necessary, which should have been done from the very first time they met. He feels familiar, but the details don't line up the way Minho remembers. He is now a man, all gangly limbs and perfect teeth. Time has let him grow into his best features - it broadens his shoulders, chisels his jawline, and deepens his eyes. The violin resting in the crook of his neck like it has always belonged there… like time hasn't gone by at all, and Minho was still in Seungmin's bedroom one afternoon, swaying and humming to the violin.

The first drawn note is enough to still him. It isn't just the melody, it's the way the bow lingers, the way Seungmin moves along with the sound like he's trying to pour his heart out with it.

The violin sings in Seungmin's hands, and pulls at something Minho thought had faded.

********

The rehearsal comes to an end. It has already passed dinner time with the guys - Minho just replied to Changbin's message sent to him nearly two hours ago, saying he only finished now and would get home soon.

"Minho-hyung."

He turns back.

"Seungmin," his smile comes out small and polite. "You've worked hard today."

"You too."

Awkward silence starts to form between them.

"Alright then, see you tomorr—"

"Do you want to have dinner together?"

Their voices overlap.

"I mean… we all have worked pretty hard, so I guess you must be hungry now." Seungmin said. "If you already have other plans for tonight, that's totally fine, and—"

"Sure, let's go grab something to eat," he turns back to take his bag. "What do you feel like eating right now?"

"I'm not craving anything specific at this moment. Do you have any recommendation?"

"How about gukbap?"

It takes them four stops by subway to arrive at Minho's favourite place for gukbap.

"This place is consistent with the quality of their food. They keep it up with their seasonal banchan, too."

He takes out a pair of chopsticks and a spoon and puts them on Seungmin's side. Seungmin glances at his hand whilst pouring water in their cups.

"Thank you, hyung. Do you frequent this place?"

"Yeah, I used to go here at least once a week. Then I tried having the food delivered to my house, but the taste just wasn't the same, so I have to come and eat it in person."

A waiter comes and takes their order.

"So… How have you been doing?"

"Nothing much, just working, eating, sleeping, basically like everybody else. Now I play the violin for a living."

"I can see you still play violin. Sounds like a match made in heaven. Violin has been choosing you from the start."

"Thanks for the compliment, hyung. I'm just a small violinist, I don't play in orchestra. Well. Do you know what people say? Something about "profession choose its people", or some predestinated kind of stuffs,… I personally think it's funny. Of course I don't get to choose, because if I can, I will choose to stay at home." He jokes. "Better be a trophy husband in this economy."

Seungmin's phone vibrates. He takes a quick glance at it, then returns to their conversation.

"How about you, hyung? I see that you are a singer now. I've always known your voice is beautiful."

"I'm doing fine. A session singer, to be exact. I don't often perform on stage. I only take this one for some extra bucks."

"Why a session singer, hyung? I'm no professional, but I have heard, well, overheard how other artists had praised you behind the scenes today. Both your voice and your visua— your technique. You can be more."

The dishes are brought out. They stop talking and dig in.

For a long while, only the sounds of slurping, swallowing, and the soft clink of utensils exist between them. They don't talk much even after they have finished the meal, some remarks have been thrown here and there for the food but that's it. Seungmin pays for the meal. Minho has tried to turn down the offer, but Seungmin has reasoned that it was only fair for him to pay for both of them, since he was the one who invited Minho for dinner.

The silence in between even accompanies them outside of the restaurant.

Minho finds it… strange. It's just strange, in neutral terms, not leaning towards either bad or good kind of strange.

He isn't prepared to reunite with Seungmin like this. He had imagined more than once what would happen on the day they meet each other again - every single scenario was filled to the brim with intense emotions. He had thought that after the outburst and the fight, they would make up and go straight back to how things used to be for them. That was back when he still believed that Seungmin would come back or contact him soon. The more time passed, the more his hope slipped away. It eventually came to a point that every imagination he had of their reunion was all turned into a fleeting thought.

So he has imagined them fighting and making up, or imagined never seeing Seungmin again. All but this… close-strangers kind of meeting and talking.

"Thank you for the gukbap, Seungmin-ah. Let me treat you to something delicious next time."

"You are always welcomed, hyung."

"Where do you live? How do you get back home?"

"My place is not far from here. It only takes six stops, I just need to change the subway once."

They reach the subway station. Minho is about to say his goodbye when he feels his phone vibrating in his jacket pocket. It's Changbin.

"Hi, it's Lee Minho speaking—"

"What does your single ass have to do at this time outside instead of sleeping at home, hyung?"

Minho jolts at the volume. Seo Changbin really has a remarkable voice. And an equal remarkable size for his courage, too.

He moves the phone down to check the time. It's nearly midnight.

"Bold of you to question me like that. Count your days, no, minutes, Seo Changbin."

Changbin just cackles.

"I'm just kidding, hyung. I was worried, ok? Because you weren't home like you supposed to be according to your message, you also didn't pick up any of our calls, and it's getting late. Where are you? Are you ok? When are you getting back?"

"I'm still alive and kicking, and I'll be home in twenty minutes or so. I just had dinner with—" He sneaks a quick glance at Seungmin, weighting the addresses on his tongue. "—an old friend of mine."

He nearly said acquaintance.

"Ok hyung. Be safe. See you at home."

"Bye bye."

He doesn't realise that he is smiling until Seungmin coughs.

"Your girlfriend calls you home?"

"No, it's my housemate. Well, at this point he is more like my mother."

"Really? Anyway, you should really go home now. If your housemate is already concerned like that, your girlfriend will be much more worried."

Minho raises an eyebrow while Seungmin is seemingly trying to shove a "girlffriend" down his throat.

"Huh? I don't have one right now. Maybe later, because right now I barely even have time for myself, let alone another person."

"Is that so. Alright, let's go. Let me accompany you home first."

Minho bursts out laughing.

"I'm older than you, remember? And I'm a man, not a little girl. Alright, I'll take this train." He steps into the subway. "Be safe. Text me when you get home. See you tomorrow."

"Thank you for today, hyung. See you tomorrow. Good night."

When Minho gets home, Changbin is still awake. He peeks out of his room to greet him.

"You’re back, hyung. Have you eaten yet? I brought something home."

"Thanks. I already have dinner earlier, though."

"With that old friend you tell me?"

"Ding ding ding," he stretches and lets out a sigh. "It's perfect time to go to bed, but my day is still not done yet. I still have to record my line for that one animation."

"Well then, I hope we can have a handful of hours to sleep tonight. Are you coming back home for dinner tomorrow, hyung? Because if not, I'll finish the left over in the fridge and the food I've bought today."

"Tough luck if they're going to keep it up like today. Don't wait for me tomorrow."

Minho takes a shower and returns to his room, to his recording setup. He sits down and opens the script.

As for voice acting, he has done some commercials and some audiobooks, but he mostly voices animated animal characters. His friends often joke that Minho is a shape-shifter at night, an animal shifter, to be exact. Him beating the allegation seems impossible - the character he is voicing this time is a rabbit. Another animal. Minho believes if he had a deep, baritone voice like his fellow voice actor Felix had, he would be given more epic, or at least human, characters.

Minho had a soft, airy voice when he was a child. He had thought he would grow out of it once he reached adulthood. Time has proved him wrong. The grown-up Minho knows how to control the level of softness and airiness when he speaks, but his natural tone remains pretty much the same... maybe with a touch of richness.

Seungmin had mentioned more than once before that he liked Minho's voice, and had encouraged him to sing while he played the violin. He only did it for one single time and had been too shy to sing in front of Seungmin again, despite how persistent Seungmin had been in asking him to. Thinking back, he did act like he was younger than Seungmin in this aspect. Minho had a tendency to play hard to get, or tsundere, whenever he was asked for a favour. Seungmin, on the other hand, had rarely turned down any of Minho's requests from the first try.

It's uncanny how they all have become what they had once encouraged each other to be - Kim Seungmin the (small) violinist, and Lee Minho the (session) singer.

Minho can see Seungmin doesn't want to talk about what had happened nine years ago. He wonders if Seungmin really meant it with his jokes earlier about choosing what to do and what they can be in their lives.

His phone vibrates with a new message. The message comes from an unknown number.

[Unknown number]

Minho-hyung, it's Seungmin.

I've arrived home.

Thank you for introducing me to that restaurant.

See you tomorrow.

Me:

'm glad you like it

I'll treat you next time

See you tmr

He saves the number to his contact under the label Kim Seungmin before returning to his work.

********

His second rehearsal went by relatively smoothly. Except at the end, Minho had to stay behind for his costume fitting while most people had already left.

The staff gives him a few outfits to try on, but they are either too long or too tight, especially in his chest area. The costume coordinator looks like she is only one step away from crying because she can't find anything that fits him just right, and tomorrow is their last rehearsal. She isn't sure if she can tailor for him in time, looking at the amount of work she has already had on her plate.

"The outfit has to be a a white shirt and black trousers, right? I have some tailored to my frame at home. I can bring them here tomorrow. If it's still not good enough, you can fix up some of these clothes if the deadline is on Thursday, instead of tomorrow, right?"

"Can you do that? Please, thank you. I'm so sorry to bother you like this."

Once again, he only finishes when it has passed dinner time. There are a few staff remaining in the hall this late like him, and they are going to leave together. One of them calls the costume coordinator.

"Mirae-unnie-ah, let's go. Minho-ah, do you want to come with us for dinner?"

Minho can't wait to get his day over with and head home. He is about to politely decline the offer when Seungmin's shadow comes into his periphery.

"I—"

"Minho-hyung."

All eyes lay on Seungmin coming closer to them.

"Oh! Seungmin-ah. Are you waiting for Minho?"

"We're inviting Minho to dinner. Come join us if you don't have any plan tonight."

Minho casts him a glance. Seungmin looks back but averts his gaze quickly to reply.

"I'm so sorry, but we already have a plan tonight. We are actually running late right now."

"Is that so. Then we won't hold you back any longer. Good works today, guys. See you tomorrow."

Minho and Seungmin bow their goodbye to the staff. They walk side by side to the subway station.

"You should have gone home already. Why did you come back?"

"I thought that I had left my stuff behind."

But Seungmin didn't look like that when he entered the door. His eyes were on Minho and the staff the whole time.

"But I didn't see you looking for anything back there, no?"

"Ah, right. I didn't even bring it with me today to begin with. It only hit me halfway through talking to the crew. I guess my memory really is getting worse as I get older." Seungmin lets out soft laughter. "You seem to have a lot of questions, hyung."

"Here comes another one. How did you know that I didn't want to go?"

"Your eyes basically pleaded with me to save you."

"My eyes did no such thing. You were hallucinating."

Seungmin chuckled.

"I'm no stranger to the way you ask for help, hyung. I've told you before that your eyes speak more than your words, haven't I?"

Heat starts to rise in Minho's ears. They are walking pass a small Mexican restaurant, mouthwatering smell drifts out into the street. He latches onto it, trying to steer the conversation elsewhere.

"Smell really good, don't you think?"

"Do you wanna come in? You haven't had dinner yet, right? Me too."

"…Ok, let's go inside."

Minho is gaslighting himself to believe this is his opportunity to pay Seungmin back for the dinner yesterday. Definitely not because he has to follow through on what he had said to distract Seungmin.

The restaurant is warmly lit. They sit in the corner, hidden away from the street and the cash register. They choose some dishes, and Seungmin orders for both of them.

"Hi, can we get one birria tacos and a tacos de huevos? One picadillo. One pollo asado. One chilaquiles with guacamole on the side. The chilaquiles is to share. Two room-temp water. Thank you. Oh, does the guacamole have cilantro? The birria tacos, too? Can we have the one without it? Thank you so much."

Minho isn't a picky eater. He only has one arch-enemy ever, and it's cilantro. Maybe Seungmin has simply grown up into a cilantro hater just like him. Such coincidence.

"Alright. I'll be back later with the food."

Someone is calling Seungmin. He mutters a small "sorry" to Minho and stands up, walking outside to receive it. The waitress comes back with no food and one question.

"I'm so sorry, I forgot to ask. What do you want for the tacos de huevos, scrambled eggs or soft-boiled eggs? We can do hard-boiled eggs if you want, but I don't recommend it."

Minho doesn't know Spanish. The menu has a description under each dish, but Minho has forgotten it as soon as the menu was taken away from his hands. He understands "egg", though.

"Soft-boiled, please."

Definitely not because it's how Seungmin likes his eggs. Maybe this dish is better with scrambled eggs, but Minho has to spite Seungmin somehow. That's what he gets for his comment on Minho's eyes earlier.

Seungmin returns to the table. The waitress also returns, this time with her hands filled up with their order.

They chat while eating, which is a huge difference from yesterday. It's mostly about work.

"—by small violinist, I mean I don't play in an orchestra. Or as a solo artist. I think I've told you this. I became a session violinist because it gives me more freedom."

"Same here, I choose to be a backup singer because of that, too. Can't imagine living with the tiny amount of freedom I'd have if I ever became a singer... a public figure. I'm also bad at keeping my image positive and intact. You know me."

"So you haven't change."

"No, you've heard it wrong. It's "don't know". I've changed a lot." Minho huffs.

Seungmin, too. The old Seungmin would have rolled his eyes so hard that Minho doubted they would fall out. This Seungmin just chuckles.

Seungmin stands up to go wash his hands, Minho stays at their table to look out for their stuff. While waiting for Seungmin to come back, Minho sends the pictures of the food tonight to his group chat with his beloved 3idiots and Hyunjin. Hyunjin is a fashion designer and a model himself. He is the one who has tailored Minho's formal clothes to his frame - those that he's going to bring to the final rehearsal tomorrow.

AnimalShifter:

[+8 Images]

SpearB:

Wow, ditching me again,

All lonely and sad with the left-over.

AnimalShifter:

As if you didnt have big ass fancy meal ytd

Dont ask why I know it's fancy

Han Jisung had sent me the proof

SpearB:

@kangdong.one How about pursuing a reporter career?

You can fit yourself right in.

kangdong.one:

I know I'm multi-talented!

Music should thank me for choosing it

Wait @AnimalShifter are you eating with someone?

I can see another pair of utensil

Let me zoom out to see that person's reflection on the spoon.

AnimalShifter:

I dont remember teaching you this

No need to do that

He just an old friend of mine

SpearB:

The same one as yesterday?

AnimalShifter:

Yes

BangChan:

The food looks good!

It's rare for Minho to dine out 1:1 with people other than us, tho.

AnimalShifter:

Thats right

Not everyone has a chance to do it w me

So yall should be thankful

Hynjinnnn:

@kangdong.one @AnimalShifter

literally from one mould (— . —'|||)

who is that old friend, hyung?

i don't know that you have friends close enough to have a date w other than us

AnimalShifter:

How tf can u see it as a date???

This is so not a date

Hynjinnnn:

uh…

it's a date by definition, hyung

it doesn't have to be romantic

why are u so offended???

BangChan:

Oh?

SpearB:

Oh?

kangdong.one:

Oh?

Seungmin returns when Minho is shoving his phone in his pocket. He hastily gets up to wash his hands. Goodness, his friends are so annoying. Minho briefly considers blocking all of them for tonight, for the peace of his mind. When he comes out of the bathroom, he turns to the register instead of his table.

Seungmin is meticulously picking up all of the used tissues and putting them in one place, feigning innocence in front of a fuming Minho approaching.

"You did not, Kim Seungmin!"

"What's wrong, hyung?"

"You did not pay again! Goodness, I already told you that I'd treat you the next time."

"Well, it's not like I refuse it. I'm just saving it for later."

Minho rubs his face in frustration.

"You are not getting away with this. Saving it for what? Are you trying to save my money for me? Practising the duty of managing money like a stay at home husband?"

His mouth is running out of control. Of old habits. Both of them stay silent for a moment.

"Sorry, I was joking. Let me treat you next time, really. Save money for yourself, too. You just told me being a small violinist couldn't make you lie on money like you want."

"Paying for a couple of meals can't make me go bankrupt, hyung."

Seungmin smiles. His smile is so, so soft. So soft that it mellows out the sharpness of his cheekbones and his jawline, that it spreads to his eyes and hides them away behind his eyelashes and eyelids.

Minho crosses his arm in front of his chest and turns his head away.

"Let see what you'll say if I ever make you pay in a fine-dining restaurant."

"Let's test it out one day, shall we?"

Minho rarely get competitive, but he can be very competitive if he wants too.

"Don't tempt me, Kim Seungmin. You won't like it."

"I'm a man of my words."

They stare into each other's eyes. Seungmin doesn't back down like what he had done that day, near Changbin's studio.

Wait…

Kim Seungmin playing violin for the gala. His fellow backup singers saying Seungmin just came into the show recently, like Minho. Their encounter near Changbin's studio. Changbin saying he had helped putting good words for a violinist. Changbin and his connections…

Turns out Seungmin was the violinist Changbin had vouched for the other day for the gala.

Of course Changbin knows Seungmin. Minho feels so dumb for not being able to put two and two together.

"So we have a friend in common, huh? Could he be the person calling you yesterday? I remember you had addressed him with his full name."

Minho hasn't recovered from the truth revealed. His critical thinking is running wild, and words spills out of his mouth before getting processed.

"So you do know it's a male name. Not a female one."

"… No, I don't." Seungmin's eyes are looking elsewhere. "… I have been abroad for a long time and have forgotten most of the Korean rules for names and whatnot."

"Are you confusing America and amnesia?"

The silence comes uninvited. Seungmin stands frozen in his place. This time, no one dare to look at the other's eyes. Minho wants to strangle hiself - there, he has said this. He has pulled the trigger of the bomb they have been tiptoeing around from the first day they met.

"Uh… I mean…"

"...Could be, since my head is starting to ache after a long day. Let's go home, hyung. It's getting late."

"…Yeah, it's late. Right. Ah, you can go first. I'll have to stop by a convenience store for a bit."

Seungmin avoids his question and Minho comes up with a patchy excuse. He goes along with it right away.

"Alright, hyung. Good night. Send me a text when you arrive."

Minho looks at his back drifting further and further away, until it disappears into the night. He lets out a long, weary sigh.

********

Kim Seungmin:

Minho-hyung, are you home yet?

Me:

Yes I am

Sorry I forgot to text you

My phone died and I didnt notice

Kim Seungmin:

No worries.

Goodnight, hyung.

See you tomorrow.

Me:

You, too. Goodnight

********

The final rehearsal has passed in a blur. Minho barely had time to take a sip of water. The costume coordinator comes to him when he's wrapping up his notes and reminders for the show tomorrow. She has been very happy with the clothes he brought with him today.

"Good work today, Minho-ah. Thank you again for bringing your own clothes. You already look this good with a simple white shirt and black trousers, imagine you wearing more extravagant clothes. And make up!"

"You too. You are welcomed. Thank you, noona."

"Have you ever thought about taking full advantage of your face? Like modeling? I'm curious."

"I have. I used to use this face to win over the canteen ladies back in my high school and uni. They often help me reserve one or two of the things that sold out fast, so I didn't have to fight tooth and nail over a piece of bread or a box of juice."

"You are really funny."

She giggles. Minho keeps his face straight while lying through his teeth. His eyes drifts slowly to the person standing near the stage curtains. Seungmin is wearing a lightweight, and somewhat billowy, off-white shirt. The sleeves are full and gathered at the cuffs. The fabric drapes on his exceptionally wide shoulders and slightly stretches whenever he moves. The stretch comes to a halt at his snatched waist and then disappears behind the waistband.

"Seungmin's legs are so long, right?"

Minho jumps, and so does his heart. For a hot second he thinks that he has blurted out what he had inside his head.

"… Oh, right. You are right. They really are."

"Exactly, his legs are already long but I have made it look extra long with that high-waist trousers! I'm proud of myself."

As if he can sense people talking behind his back, Seungmin turns around and catches eyes with Minho. Minho - so embarrassed for being caught red-handed - tries to look busy with his phone.

AnimalShifter:

What do you have for dinner tonight

Reply quick

I know yall r having dinner right now

Hynjinnnn:

i have gimbap and tofu stew

why?

SpearB:

I haven't eaten yet.

You are coming home for dinner today?

Fyi I had eaten all of the canned tuna and the seaweed.

Sorry if you want to have that tonight.

I'll have them shipped home tomorrow.

AnimalShifter:

[Thumbs up]

SpearB:

Have you finished? @AnimalShifter

I'm still stuck in my studio.

Where are you?

AnimalShifter:

I'm near the MMM district

Prob in 30 more mins

SpearB:

You know what.

If you gonna finish soon.

Let's eat out.

I don't want to clean up the dishes tonight.

And you will beat me if I leave it for tomorrow.

I know a good restaurant near your place.

AnimalShifter:

Alr

Go to this place if you finish before me

[My Location - Shared]

Or send me that restaurant address so I can go there by myself

SpearB:

I'll come get you.

That restaurant is a bit difficult to find.

AnimalShifter:

[Thumbs up]

This time, it's Minho who gets to leave a bit earlier than the others, mostly the logistical staff and Seungmin - he was called back backstage for some final technical checkup. Minho thinks it's better this way so they can wind down their previous conversation.

Seungmin doesn't want to open up, Minho knows. There was definitely something shady in his sudden disappearance. You can't go away for nearly a decade, cutting ties with and going radio silent on everyone, then come back one random day acting like nothing had happened. Minho thinks his heart aches a little when Seungmin doesn't feel safe enough with him to share his story. He has thought he was Seungmin's safe place. Or Minho is just exaggerating everything, and he is not that important to Seungmin, at least not anymore. It's been years, and people grow apart.

Still, Minho secretly thinks he deserves an explanation. They used to be friends, close friends. Minho had been worried and sad, but that's on him, no? Had he been more detached, more cold-hearted and nonchalant like how some people said, then he would have let it go, right? Had he been sad when Seungmin was gone? Yes, every moment he was awake. Had he ever regretted knowing Seungmin? No, not even once.

"Minho-hyung."

"Minho-hyung!"

Two persons are calling him. He turns his head back, seeing Seungmin approaching him. Then he turns his head again, Changbin is waving at him. Is this how the ham feels caught between two slices of bread?

In that split second Minho is confused about whom he should reply to first, both of them have already come close to Minho.

"Hyung! Oh? Seungmin-ah!"

"Changbin-hyung? Good evening."

"Wow, they keep you guys back really late. How is it going?"

"A bit exhausting, but things are quite ready. You are coming tomorrow, right?

"Yes, I, Chan-hyung, and Jisungie are coming. Are you going home? Have you had dinner yet?"

"No, I haven't. I was about to ask Minho-hyung if he wanted to go eat with me. Where are you going this late, hyung?"

"Oh? You know Minho-hyung. Wait, are you the one that had dinner with him yesterday? The day before yesterday, too! The "old friend". What a coincidence! I come because hyung told me to wait here so we can go grab dinner together when he finishes."

Minho realises he had forgotten to mention that Changbin knew his "old friend" yesterday.

"Is that so? Then I won't keep you back any longer—"

"Go with us."

"Come join us!"

He speaks at the same time as Changbin does. Changbin continues.

"The restaurant is near here. You are going to ask him to go eating anyway, right? I volunteer to be the third wheel. We are hardly strangers, right, Seungmin?"

"Thanks, hyung," he looks at Changbin, then at Minho. "If you are sure that I'm not bothering your night."

"Then let's go. Lead the way, Changbin-ah."

They all know each other and that makes things more simple. With Changbin leading the flow of the conversation, Minho feels at ease. Seo Changbin might be short, but he is compacted with charisma. He has a perceptive mind and a charming tongue when dealing with people.

Or not.

"Right, I forgot to ask. How did you guys know each other? Hyung said you guys are old friends."

Minho looks at Seungmin sitting opposite him and chooses to stay silent.

"Ah. I used to be hyung's neighbour for quite a while… before I moved to America."

"Really? You told me you moved to America when you were… 17? 18? So you guys had known each other when you were children. Childhood friends."

"Well… yes and no. Yes, because we have known each other for a long time. No, because I don't consider our friendship as "childhood" friends. To me, childhood only exists before you go to school." He shrugs. "It's when you don't have to swim in homework and feel like drowning in it. I knew hyung when I was already in elementary school."

"If you phrase it like that," Changbin giggles. "Yesterday hyung sent the photos of your dinner together in our group chat. We were surprised that he had friends other than us, I mean, friends that are close enough to have a meal together one on one. You know this guy, he is so damn selective when it comes to his people. And secretive. And difficult to persuade! Sometimes we have to ask him a million time just for him to go out with us."

"Oh shush, Seo Changbin. That's why you have to honour every meal with me. Chances might not come back a second time."

Minho tries to be indifferent. His reddening ears have other things to say.

"You are right, Changbin-hyung. How long have you known Minho-hyung for?"

"Since when I was 20…20-something. I was in an entertainment company when he was scouted. He left a year later, though. Eventually I left too, with Chan-hyung and Jisung. We then started our own music studio. It's Jisung who had persuaded him to join us. So now we are stuck together in the same studio." Changbin exclaims. "Oh, same house, too! Do you know he is my housemate? The Earth is so small, really."

"If you know Han Jisung, and seems like you do, you know that he is the most persistent gremlin ever existed." Minho sighs, telling Seungmin. "He didn't come strong all at once, but gosh did he persist. He sent me a message or email every week, regularly, for half a year."

Seungmin looks like he is very interested in his story, so Minho continues.

"Try to imagine having that with this guy—" He points at Changbin. "—coming eagerly at you every time you met him, sometimes both of them even came with Chan-hyung. They basically ganged up on me. How could I even escape?"

"We all know that you like playing hard to get. But thanks hyung, you made us feel like the winners."

"Goodness, you sound exactly like our old man."

"I know right. Chan-hyung must have sneezed at least one."

Both of them snicker mischievously. Minho sees Seungmin in the corner of his eyes. He is watching Minho, smiling. So faint, yet so fond. So soft. It's that smile again. A nearly primal urge rises in Minho, to pry whatever meaning hidden behind those curved lips and tiny crow's-feet at the corners of Seungmin's eyes.

"You guys seem close. I'm glad." Seungmin said. "I bet he really loves you guys."

"So damn right. Hyung, we know you love us. Let's have a group hug— Okay okay! I'm sorry!"

Changbin shrieks when Minho pretends to stuff tissues in his mouth.

What do you even mean "I'm glad", Kim Seungmin?

"Let's tell Chan-hyung and Jisung to come next time. We all know each other. Maybe Hyunjin, too. He will sulk if we all hang out together and leave him out." Changbin tells Seungmin. "I'll introduce you to Hyunjin next time."

********

"Hyung, you look very good today."

That's what Seungmin told him behind the stage.

"You, too, Kim Seungmin. But next time please come up with something more innovative."

Seungmin had chuckled and left.

So now here Minho is, ready to come up on stage, looking crisp and neat from head to toes. The only thing that looks out of place is his pink ears. He should have told the makeup artist to put foundation on them.

Minho went out of the curtains, and the rest became history.

At the end of the gala, all of the artists and instrumentalists have come out on stage, standing in line after line, holding each other's hands. Minho stands next to Seungmin in the front line, near the left wing of the stage. Their fingers intertwine. They did this yesterday, too, for practice, with everybody else, but everything had passed in a hassle so Minho didn't think much of it. Well, to be honest, they weren't exactly holding hands - it was just a wrists-barely-touching moment.

This. This is different.

It was Minho who found Seungmin's hand and grabbed it first. He also did that with his fellow singer standing on his other side. But in a brief moment when he was waiting for the others behind him to do the same, Seungmin wriggled his hand. Minho had let loose of his fingers - he didn't want to make Seungmin hurt or uncomfortable.

Sengmin's fingers found the spaces between Minho's and closed them.

All of them raise their hands, then bow as one, heads dipping in quiet gratitude while the audience's applause surrounds them. Minho thinks his heart is sharing the same beats with the applause - too fast, too many - and his ribcage is suddenly too small for his heart.

Chan, Jisung, and Changbin - his beloved 3rac— 3idiots - have been waiting for him outside of the hall when the show is over. As soon as he goes outside, they drown him their hugs. Seungmin comes out right after him. He also gets drowned in affections with arms like friendly boa-constrictors tightened around his lithe frame, no different from Minho a few minutes earlier. Minho can see how much Chan dotes on Seungmin, and how Jisung turns into his exciting mode to indulge Seungmin in their conversation. Changbin doesn't fall far behind for how he had gone out of his way to recommend the young violinist to the gala tonight. All of them look like they like and they want to take care of Seungmin. Could it be because he is the youngest here?

"Good work, Seungminnie. You have worked hard. Your violin solo part was magnificent!"

"You must be so tired. We will go out together next time, is that ok, Seungmin?" Chan taps Seungmin's shoulders lightly. "How do you go home from here?"

"Thanks, Jisungie. Sounds perfect to me, Chan-hyung. I'll take one subway and a bus. You guys should head home, too. It's pretty late."

"Bus? But they don't have a lot of buses running at this hour. What do you have to wait for a long time?"

"How about let us drive you home?" Chan asks. "Me and Changbin had come here by cars. One of us can take you home."

"It's ok, hyung, If there is no bus I can walk home. The distance is walking-friendly."

"Walk home?! No, no, definitely not." Chan shakes his head. "It's late and you are tired. I bet both you and Minho haven't eaten dinner yet. Let me or Changbin drive you home."

In the end, all of them, Minho specifically, have to wrestle Seungmin into letting them take him home, after the man attempted to wait for the bus which not even God knows if it has appeared that night.

"Let's go. Me and Changbin are going that direction." Minho grabs him on his elbow. "Or are you scared that we'll kidnap you? Bye, hyung. Bye Jisungie. Guess we'll see each other later. Text me when you guys get home. Night night."

"…Alright then. Thank you, hyung." Seungmin turns to Chan and Jisung. "Thank you, Chan-hyung, Jisungie. See you later. Please drive safe! Goodnight!"

His last syllables vanish into the night while Minho pulls him further and further away.

The drive is comfortably quiet. Changbin probably has caught on their exhaustion after the show, he just turn on the aux with low volume. The music humming in the background makes Minho feel sleepy. In that hazy-dazy state of mind, his memory starts replaying the scene when Minho had Seungmin in his hand earlier. He still has that feeling of being held and kept by a warm and large hand, the hand was not soft or smooth by all means, ghosting his palm, tickling feathery at his fingers.

"We've arrived."

Minho snaps out of his head. The car stops in front of an old building.

"Thanks, hyung. Please drive back safely. Good night." He turns to Minho. "Text me when you guys get home."

"Good night. Go up, quickly. We'll wait until you go up."

Changbin reaches his hand out, flicking his wrist to tell Seungmin to leave. He takes a couple steps back, waving at them, and then turns around. He disappears into the building.

"He's already gone, hyung."

Minho doesn't realises he is still staring at the building empty entrance.

"Eyes on the road, Seo Changbin."

Minho knows this area, it's mostly for uni students who lives alone. The rent is often cheap and facility is acceptable.

Did Seungmin come back to Korea alone, or did his family live in another place?

"Oh, that. Seungminnie did come back alone, hyung. His family is still in America. He didn't tell you that?

Minho wants to facepalm himself. He just notices that ever since Seungmin came back, the amount of time his mouth has slipped is more than all of his last year combined, and it's just been five days. Five days, not even a full week, for God's sake. He's not even religious, but he has to mention God as a way to let out his frustration at the absurdity.

"… No, he didn't. I just saw him recently, after… quite a while of disconnection."

"But it doesn't look like that between you guys, though. Guess that's how old friends are. Anyway, maybe he's just too busy to mention it to you. You know how busy it has been for him these days. You, too."

Even if Changbin has caught on Minho's hesitation, he doesn't point it out. Minho tries to play it off.

"I'll have to scold him next time. He came back after so long and I don't know anything. And here you said I'm the secretive one. It should be Kim Seungmin."

Changbin's laugh is high and hearty.

"Are you pouting? I just knew about it because Chan-hyung had asked him when we worked together before. What else? Hmm… Right, his parents seemed to not be fond of the idea of him coming back to Korea. But he already did it. I guess he had found a way to persuade them."

"When did you guys work together?"

"One year ago… more or less?"

Right.

Minho feels like he's navigating through the dynamic he has with Seungmin while being blindfolded. Every single one of Seungmin's words and actions seems to contradict the last. Seungmin is close, yet impossibly far. He still cares about Minho, yet keeps him blindly fumbling in the dark. He doesn't talk about what had happened that day, and he said weird things. And Minho doesn't feel good.

He sends a message to Seungmin when they get home. Changbin’s texts arrive before Seungmin replies.

Seo Changbin:

Hyung

Are you asleep yet?

Me and Chan-hyung have taken some photo for you today.

With that expensive camera of his.

Here they are.

Our photography skills are no jokes.

[+48 Images]

[Video]

[Video]

Me:

Tks Changbinnie

The photos have managed to show off the hard work poured into the gala - the lights, the stage, the setups, the decor, and the people themselves. Chan and Changbin sure have captured the efforts of the makeup artist on the singers and the performers. Minho thinks he look good in that shirt and trousers. He'll shoot Hyunjin another gratitude and complimenting essay gushing for his work later.

He keeps swiping and swiping. Then he stops. The second-to-last one is a picture of the ending, with people filling up the stage. He spots himself and Seungmin standing in the left corner of the frame. Minho was slightly tilting backward with his head turned around, showing his side profile, while Seungmin looked straight forward. It is a beautiful picture.

The last one - Minho doesn't know it is Changbin or Chan who had taken it - whoever it was, that person had zoomed in on Seungmin and Minho. The quality of the photo is exceptional. Minho thinks he can count the number of his lashes in it, and—

If it weren't for this photo, Minho wouldn't know that both he and Seungmin were looking at their intertwined fingers when it happened.

Minho doesn't feel good.

Minho knows too damn well what's happening in his heart. He had had this kind of feeling back when he was entering a relationship. He has dated before. His first love was with a girl, and they had been together for more than two years. She had to go study abroad, and they had tried doing a long-distance relationship for about a year before both of them decided they should stop.

It took Minho a year later to step into his second relationship. This time it was with a guy of his age. They dated for a year and a half. Halfway through their relationship, problems started to pop up like mushrooms after rain. It was when their mindset was going through drastic changes. Both of them were too caught up with their works and their own thoughts and— their love didn't stand a chance in front of them. So they broke up.

Here was the thing. Minho only realised, after two breakups, that Seungmin had always been there, lurking in the deepest valley of his heart. Thinking back, he could see Seungmin's face overlap with his first love in the way she smiled, bright with the braces. He could recall every time Seungmin had appeared in his mind whenever his ex-boyfriend did something accidentally similar to him in the past.

Minho had felt terrible, horrible. Maybe his feelings towards Seungmin had been more than just a friend, and maybe he had been ashamed for harbouring romantic feelings towards his best friend. The realisation only came and hit him like a train after seven years after Seungmin went away, but it didn't matter. It'd have been different if SM had been here, but he was not, and what Minho felt about Seungmin was long ago.

He thought that was it. It wasn't. His feelings ran deeper than he imagined.

So Minho doesn't feel good. He doesn't like this. He doesn't have a good feeling about this. It took years for him to adapt to the loss of Seungmin in his life, then years to realise his feelings for Seungmin. And then years to learn to accept it, rock it to sleep tight… let it go. And then years to not find it in his potential partners.

He still hasn't found them yet, and Seungmin is already back.

********

Minho doesn't see Seungmin for weeks after that day. They do text each other.

It all started with Seungmin sending his music recommendations to Minho, saying that those songs would fit his voice. Minho, on the other hand, always replies to him with either nonsense, icons, or his friends' TMI of the day in their workplace. By "his friends" he means Chan, Changbin, and Jisung, and he always asked for their permission before he sent their TMIs away. Both of them don't talk about either of themselves.

"Hyung, you don't have to report or ask me what you send Seungminnie every single time." Jisung exclaims. "I'm sure you know what can be said and what not."

"This is exactly why you would fail as a celebrity manager, Han Jisung," Minho clicks his tongue, still typing enthusiastically on his screen. "You always encourage me to go and be a pop star, and you can be my manager. Imagine all the scandal I could make due to your negligence. I was right for not following your advice."

"Can't believe I would side with Jisungie one day, but I have to agree with him on this, hyung." Changbin stretches lazily on the sofa. "I don't exactly care what you said about me with Seungmin, as long as it's not about my chicken protein shake."

Chan comes out of the bathroom and quickly catches up with their conversation with an annoying grin on his lips.

"I'm telling him that you all are bullying me for caring about your feelings, when all you guys have ever done is complain that I don't shower you with enough love."

At first, Changbin only asked Jisung to come back to his flat with him. They wanted to watch a movie together. Chan wasn't invited because he was supposed to work overtime today, but he had finished earlier than he thought, so he tagged along with Jisung and Changbin. That's how all of them are in Minho and Changbin's place right now.

"At this point, shouldn't we call Hyunjin over? Tomorrow is Saturday anyway."

kangdong.one:

Ayo Hwang Hyunjin

@Hynjinnnn

Wanna come over Minho's and Changbin-hyung's place?

All of us are here.

Movie night

Minho-hyung will cook.

AnimalShifter:

No I wont???

We literally just ordered sum food

kangdong.one:

Shhhh hyung

I'm baiting him!

Anyway

@Hynjinnnn

Coming or not coming?

Hynjinnnn:

are you asking me or my dick? @kangdong.one

if it's me then i can't today

ideas and inspirations are overflowing

i have to catch them before they slip away

look at this

[+11 Images]

"Yo, these look so dope!"

"His designs look even better with this model, look at at his fox-like eyes."

Hynjinnnn:

but i really want to meet you guys

how about tomorrow night?

kangdong.one:

Just ask everyone

We're all free that time.

Tomorrow night then

Where do you want to go?

Hynjinnnn:

i know this pub

good food, good drink, live music

kangdong.one:

Deal.

SpearB:

Oh, right.

Let me ask Minho's friend if he can come.

I've promised him that I will introduce him to you @Hynjinnnn

You ok with meeting new people?

Hynjinnnn:

…

i have no problems

but i have questions

why did you promise such things to Minho-hyung's friend?

and not Minho-hyung himself?

SpearB:

Long story short, hyung's friend turned out to know all of us.

Except for you.

If you don't want to, it's totally fine.

He can be Minho-hyung's priority.

But you are ours.

iowefkb

Hynjinnnn:

wild guess

is he the one who had had dinner with Minho-hyung last time?

the "so not a date" one

what is that abbreviation?

your last message

i don't understand

SpearB:

Hyung just hit me :)))

I accidentally typed that when hyung hit me.

Yes, that one.

His name is Kim Seungmin.

Hynjinnnn:

i have to meet him

tell him to come tomorrow, hyung

ok, i have to go back to my work

bye guys

It turns out that Seungmin can't come. He has to work that night. Maybe Minho has felt a tiny, tiny bit disappointed, but he's never going to admit that.

Hyunjin slumps in his chair. His arms and legs are everywhere, long and slender like Seungmin's.

"What a shame, I have looked forward to meeting him."

"There's always be a next time, dude. It's not like he will disappear."

Oh, that's definitely something Kim Seungmin can pull off, Minho can say this with full confidence. He keeps it to himself, though. He asks Hyunjin.

"I thought that you said this place had live music?"

"Patience, hyung, patience," Hyunjin laughs. "In the mean time, tell me, hyung, how was your show? I know you guys have told me about it, but I want to hear it in person. In details."

"Well, I stood on the stage, behind the main singers, between two backup singers. The lights were bright. There are a lot of people." He tells Hyunjin in monotone. "I wore the shirt and the trousers that you had tailored for me."

"Did they cast you for this exact tone of voice, hyung, for that voice-acting job? Because you really have perfected it." Hyunjin snorts. "But yeah, I really had done a good job, right?"

"Yes, you did, I've told you before. Do you want me to do it all over again here? Oh! Your Majesty with his magic fingers! You have blessed my body with those magic fingers of your!"

"Oh my God, stop, hyung, you sound so dirty."

"It sounds like a you problem, not me. Oh, your Majesty—"

"Stop, the band are starting to play!"

The music band is coming up for the night, indeed. Minho and his friends have chosen a table in the corner - it feels better to catch up with each other's gossip in this semi-secluded public area.

"Wait, isn't that Seungmin?"

"What? Where?"

"Who? Oh! Where?

"There, the one playing the violin. Is him!"

Minho has to squint his eyes, looking at where Jisung is pointing to. He was right - Seungmin is standing under the brightest light of the pub. Saying "brightest" is a push, but it's really the brightest one in this dimly lit pub. The light casts a faint glow on his hair, on his nose bridge, and on his cheekbones. He doesn't wear makeup like he had back at their gala, but Minho thinks he looks beautiful all the same.

It seems like Minho is tipsy already.

They have ordered some snacks and another round of drinks, chatting in low voices and waiting for Seungmin to finish. When he does, he simply stands up and bows to the audience, then walks straight through a door. He looks like he doesn't notice Minho and his friends sitting in the corner.

"Oh shit, he doesn't notice us."

"Come grab he, hyung, or else he'll leave."

"Goodness, why me? You go, Seo Changbin."

"Go, Minho-yah."

Minho grunts, but he is on his feet anyway.

He stands in front of that door, hesitating between knocking, opening, and just waiting. But what if there is another door behind this one that leads straight outside? Then it'd be pointless to wait for Seungmin, no? He could have left already. Minho looks around. Nobody is looking except for his friends tucked away in the corner. He decides to open it. Hell, if the staff catch him, he'll say he mistake it for the bathroom.

Minho's fingers have barely closed around the handle when the door flies open without any warning. The sudden force pulls him forward. His balance is stolen in an instant, and before he hits the floor, he collides with a solid chest - momentum carries him straight into the arms of the person on the other side. There is a dryness to their scent, something pale and comforting, as if the daylight has left soft trace of warmth lingered on that person.

Minho blinks, blinks, blinks. He looks up. It's Seungmin.

"Hyung?"

Minho's body goes rigid for a second, then he hastily pulls himself out of Seungmin's arms. He fakes clearing his throat.

"Ahem… Kim Seungmin. What a coincidence."

"What are you doing here?"

"...For a drink, duh."

"I know. I"m asking why you are lurking in front of the staff's room. There is a sign. Look. The bathroom is over there," Seungmin points to another door across from them. "But it's such a coincidence, indeed. It's been a while since I saw you."

"… Likewise. Uh… right. Good evening. You've worked hard tonight."

"Isn't now a bit late for greeting?" Seungmin chuckles. "But good evening, hyung. Is there any chance that you, the hyungs, and Jisungie are all here tonight?"

"Yeah, this is the place Changbin had asked you to come yesterday. Didn't know that you work here, though. Do you want to come and sit with us for a bit? If you're tired, then go home, and we can hang out another time. Nobody's going to blame yo—"

"Sure, hyung. Where are they? Lead me to your table."

Minho is so, so annoyed with his ears. They react as if they are little girls - so easy to blush! He will take a mental note to avoid hanging out with Seungmin during daytime - who knows what can happen and when his ears decide to become his traitors.

"Seungminnie!"

"It's good to see you, mate!"

"Hi, hyung. Hi, Jisungie. Hello,…?"

"Hi, my name is Hyunjin. Nice to meet you." Hyunjin stands up and extends his hand, to which Seungmin quickly grabs it.

"I'm Seungmin. Nice to meet you, too."

Seungmin sits down between Minho and Changbin.

"This guy here has sulked a little bit when he thought you couldn't come tonight." Changbin points to Hyunjin.

"That's right, I really want to see the person who had second-handedly worked Minho-hyung up— I'm sorry! Hyung!"

"You miss the taste of tissue, right, Hyunjin-ah?"

"Hyung, put it away from me… I want to see you because the hyungs said that you know all of them but me. As an honourable member of the circle, I couldn't let that happen. So here I am."

"Ah right. Changbin hyung had told me the same. It's actually surprised me that I know all of them, and they all know each other."

Seungmin and Hyunjin get along instantly, chatting over Minho who is sitting between them. Right now, Minho feels like his two mini universes have finally collided.

Back when he was still a teenager, Minho struggled navigating himself among his peers. They said they didn't understand his jokes, or they were too dark. Some said he was probably hard to approach with the cool set of his face, but they didn't even try to come to him to verify their assumption. So Minho learned to soften himself. He practised gentler smiles, dulled his humour, and trimmed away the sharp edges. It had worked for a while. He had friends. Then, without warning, they began to keep their distance. He couldn't understand why at first. Turned out, at that age, dating had become the unspoken trend among both the guys and the girls, and they were wary of Minho - good-looking Minho with interesting characteristic and sense of humour - that he might draw too much attention, steal a glance, a crush, or maybe even a girlfriend. No amount of reassurance from Minho could help them sleep at night, but keeping Minho close by within one arm's length while ignoring him did.

When Minho finally confronted them, suddenly it was all his fault. He was told he hadn't tried hard enough to fit in, that he was cold, inconsiderate, and selfish for not understanding their fears.

"They are just ashamed of themselves for being cowards, hyung. I don't think that you have done anything wrong."

Seungmin sat next to him on the floor, their backs pressed against Minho's bed frame, his violin case lying quietly in the corner. He ditched a violin lesson by telling his mother he had to stayed until late at school, while in reality he was hiding in Minho's room, reading a book, its name... Song of Achilles, right. Minho remembered it by the eye-catching cover. The books belonged to his mother's collection. She had allowed them to browse it when Minho turned seventeen.

"I don't think I was wrong or anything. Just… disappointed, maybe. Welp… At least I have tried."

"You can adjust yourself to fit in, but don't change yourself to be a whole different person." Seungmin moved closer to him. He dropped his head on Minho's shoulder, still flipping through the book. "I believe there are people who will love you just the way you are. Like me—"

Minho also tilted his head to gently place it on top of Seungmin's. He released the nail of his thumb from between his teeth, all quiet and unconscious like how the action of chewing his nails gently had started.

"—or like your two classmates. Dahyeon… Dahyun-noona? Am I pronouncing her name right? And… Seungw… Seungkwan-hyung? You've told me about them before. They had defended you, right?"

"Yeah…"

"What did they say this time?"

"They said I shouldn't listen to what the others said."

"They were right."

The number of friends Minho had had back then could barely fill up a hand. He treasured every single one of them - he still does. He still stays in contact with Dahyun and Seungkwan, but only hangs out with them once in a while and when the two of them come together.

It was more special with Seungmin. He could strip himself bare to his bone in front of Seungmin without fear of being wounded, and rest there in the quiet certainty of being seen and kept.

Seungmin was his tiny universe. Minho thought Seungmin would stay beside him as long as a universe exists, but it had exploded quietly one day and faded into the dark before Minho could even realise. What remained were a thousand fragments of memory, and a thousand unnamed fragments that he only knew later - of his heart.

Minho found another universe, no, it had found him and adopted him. This universe didn't just hold one single person but more. It wasn't feel like a replacement for his last one, but Minho thought it had helped him gather all of the scattered remnants of the prior universe into one place. The remnant still hurt him whenever he looked at it for too long, but the pain subsided eventually. Minho then had learned to make peace with it.

Time flew. And when he had thought he could finally put everything into a jar, seal it and hide it away... Among the dust and debris, Minho heard a heartbeat of his old universe.

********

Hwang Hyunjin, truly a friend of Han Jisung, has picked up his persisting trait not so long after they became friends. He doesn't use it often, but boy if he does…

"Hyung! Minho-hyung! Over here!"

Minho just walked through the door when he heard someone calling him. Hyunjin was sitting in a table next to the window, waving enthusiastically to Minho. He had a guy sitting opposite him. There were no one else in the coffee shop - it was still pretty early.

Minho just quirked an eyebrow, signalled to Hyunjin to wait for him to order his drink first, to which he nodded and smiled. He came to the counter, ordered a smoothies, then headed towards Hyunjin and his friend. Minho greets them. He thinks that he has seen this person somewhere before, with how much his features stand out, especially his long eyes. They represent the foxes' eyes when he smiles. Kim Seungmin, on the other hand, has the most puppyish eyes he has ever known.

Minho doesn't let the doubts hold him back for long. He simply returns to Hyunjin - the man is looking at him with expectations flowing in his eyes.

"Whatever you are having in that little head of yours, say it out."

"Geez, hyung, slow down. Sit down first."

"Aren't you having a date right now? Me sitting down might interrupted it."

"A date? No, no, he's not my date."

It's Jeongin - Hyunjin's friend who has said it. Minho feels like he needs to clarify.

"Oh no no, I'm sorry if you misunderstood. I'm just teasing him. I hung out with my friend one time and he insisted on saying that was a date." Minho whips his head to Hyunjin. "See! That's a normal reaction when you call this a date. I wasn't overreacted last time!"

"Hyunjin-hyung said this kind of… hang out a date? Hyung, you should do better. When you say "date", it often involves romantic interests."

Jeongin comments, and Minho can't agree with him more.

"Oh my God, why are people these days so sensitive with the word "date"? It can be a date without being romantic! Wanna look it up together?"

"You are slipping out of the original intention of calling me here. What do you want from me, Hwang Hyunjin?"

Jeongin looks like he is a bit taken aback with Minho's sudden changes in his tone of voice and demeanour. Minho scolds himself inside his head for scaring an innocent unnecessarily. People who just meet him or not close to him don't understand the dynamic Minho has with his friends.

"Hyung, you are scaring him, he doesn't know you." Hyunjin doesn't have any problems calling Minho out - he obviously has had experience with this kind of situation. He pats Jeongin's arm, "Don't worries, Minho-hyung here has a functioning heart but a malfunctioning mouth."

"Whatever you said, Hwang Hyunjin." He rolls his eyes. "What do you need me for?"

"Hyung, be my model." Minho just opened his mouth to decline when Hyunjin quickly adds, "Just this one time, hyung, I'm trying designing new fashion pieces."

"But I'm not a model. don't know how to pose—"

"I need a face-model, not traditional one. You just have to serve your face-card."

"But I don't want to show my face—"

"Please, hyung. You know you have a nearly perfect face structure. I'll give you all the pieces that will cover up most of your face."

"… Then what is the point of my face when you gonna cover it up anyway? Anybody can do it for you."

"But I need every part that's not covered to be perfect, hyung. Please!"

"But I'm camera-awkward, especially if the photographer is a stranger—"

"I'm the photographer this time!"

"…"

Hyunjin has come prepared.

"And I don't know any other person who has a face that can inspired me to work. Am I not your little brother? Can you help your little brother this time?"

Minho pinches his nose bridge.

"Let me think about it."

He stays silent for a while.

Someone touches his shoulder. Minho jolts, whipping his head around. A young, sweet-looking man stands behind his chair. He's blonde and has freckles dusting on his nose, his cheeks. His smile is the embodiment of the sunshine. It's different from Seungmin. No matter how fully Seungmin smiles, it's still not as brilliant as this guy, rather, his smile always carries a gentle and soft radiance.

"Felix?"

Minho stands up abruptly, and Felix pulls him in a warm hug.

"It's me, hyung! Hi!"

"Goodness, Felix! I didn't know you would arrive this fast."

Felix is coming to Korea for a vacation, he had told Minho as such. They have agreed to hang out after the guy has adjusted to his jetlag, so when Minho sees him here, already, it takes a moment to register. This is sooner than expected.

"Hehe, I just landed a couple hours ago. I'm walking around for a bit while waiting for the hotel to check me in."

"How long do you still have to wait? You must feel dead-ass tired after such a long flight."

"It's ok, hyung, I'm still good! Probably it's my adrenalin spiking. Anyway, I just stopped by here because I saw someone look like you, and I was right. Ah! I'm sorry to have interrupted you with your friends." Felix bows to Hyunjin and Jeongin after briefly introduces himself. The two guys do just the same to him. "It's good to see you. I'll go now, my sisters are waiting for me outside." He winks. "Text me, hyung, when you're available to hang out with me. Bye bye!"

With that, Felix disappears just as fast as how he has appeared. The three of them are still in a daze.

"Hyung, his voice…"

Ah, right. No one has ever escaped the Felix's charm, and it always starts with being mesmerised by his voice, which is the exact opposite of his face.

"He's my fellow voice-actor. I know, his voice is… impressive."

"I thought he was a tomboy until he opened his mouth. Gosh, how can one have a face like that paired up with a voice like that? It's very deceiving."

Minho likes Felix voice, hell, he even once secretly learn how to achieve a voice like Felix's. He gave up after knowing it's impossible without having surgeries. But if he has to choose, then he would choose Seungmin's voice over Felix's. His voice has a calming quality to it, and Minho can't find it anywhere else, or in anyone else.

"Hyung, are there any chance that your friend will accept an offer to be a model?"

"Hyunjin, don't tell me—"

"Yes, hyung. I'm desperate to have at least one of your faces under my jewellery. Those facial bones structures! You!" He points to Minho, or his nose, to be exact. "Your nose slope has a tiny, tiny bump, in an elegant way, of course, and pointy at the tip. You have a shallow slit under it, too. Oh! And you have a beauty mark there. It'd look breath-taking in a side-profile shot."

Minho is taken aback with Hyunjin's description. He doesn't think he can ever describe his own nose in such a detailed way.

"And your friend's nose—" (Minho whispers: "Felix.") "Yeah! Felix's nose is small and slim, but it has a round, slightly upturned tip, which give him a youthful and playful vibe. It's a button nose. And he has freckles! Freckles, hyung! I wonder if they are natural, but he looks really good with them."

When Hyunjin is having his artistic episode like this, Minho doesn't want to burst Hyunjin's bubble with the uncertain likelihood of both him and Felix in his project. He just stays silent while letting Hyunjin ramble. Jeongin stays silent, too - it seems like he is also familiar with this situation.

Ah, now he remembers where he has seen this guy before. He was the model in the photos that Hyunjin had sent into their group chat.

Minho blurts.

"If you are so obsess with beautiful nose, why don't you consider asking Seungmin, too? His nose is prominent - the bridge is high, and it's so straight. The nostrils are narrow. The tip looks softer when looked from the front, but it's also pointy on his side profile. I'm sure it will look good in your photos."

"Whoa. Are we building a pretty-nose's cult here, guys?"

Jeongin exclaims, and Minho jolts.

"It's called appreciation for beauty, Jeongin-ah. Really, hyung? I haven't seen Seungmin's nose properly. Last time when I saw him, the lights were so bad that I could barely count my fingers." Hyunjin raises his eyebrow. "I didn't know that you remember Seungmin's details like that, hyung."

"What are you talking about?" Minho grumbles. "You just did that with my nose and Felix's earlier."

"It's different. I just saw him, and you are sitting right here." He shakes his head. "I can't do that here with Chan-hyung, Changbin-hyung, and Jisung in details like earlier. I can vaguely describe them, sure, but it's hard to pull them straight out from my memories like you just did."

Hyunjin's words have unfortunately make Minho tosses and turns all night.

Minho has been under the impression that he is doing better. By not seeing Seungmin so frequently, Minho has thought "out of sight, out of mind" would do the trick. Silly Minho! Why does he think it will succeed now, when it had failed so completely and thoroughly nine years ago? Rather than a guest that pops up here and there in Minho's mind, now he feels like Seungmin has literally moved into his head, making himself at home there, in Minho's thoughts. 

"Minho-hyung is a cat! Silly cat-hyung."

"Stop it, Kim Seungmin, I'm not a kid anymore."

"Even when you are all old and wrinkly, you are still my cat-hyung. My kitty-hyung."

The night only makes it worse by amplifying the echoes from the past.

Minho decides he should grow the distance bigger. This time, he'll try to ignore Seungmin as much as possible. After having enough time to process the mess inside his mind, he will think about what he should do next.

********

Minho does grow the distance between him and Seungmin bigger, physically. He goes back to his hometown where his parents are living.

He had finished voicing for the rabbit in that one overseas project. He had hung out with Felix more than twice. Everything that had been scheduled for the following month, he crammed into a single week and finished ahead of time. Only then did he come to Chan - the big boss of their studio - to ask him for his permission to work from home for one month. He wanted to go back to his parents' house. Mental heath reasons. He told Chan that if anything urgent came up, it could still be passed to him - he'd be bringing his basic equipment back to his parents' place anyway.

Chan was surprised but had agreed with his request.

Minho was lucky that Felix had agreed to be Hyunjin's model, so he didn't feel too guilty when he turned Hyunjin's offer down. Seungmin was too busy to make an appointment for Hyunjin in his schedule, so he also couldn't do it. Hyunjin had been cooler with it than Minho had thought. The guy was obviously having too much fun with Felix's potential for modeling to even feel upset about everything else.

It's been nearly three weeks since he has been back at home.

His parents had asked him why he decided to come back for no occasion like this, but he just gave them a vague answer. Minho knows they are happy that he's back and will stay for a relatively long period of time, even when they don't say it. This might be the longest time he has done this, ever since he takes his second job as a voice actor.

His friends are still actively sending him messages, both in their group chat and in individual one. Seungmin messages him every one or two days, but Minho has been replying them in slow mode.

"Minho, baby, you sure you don't want to check your phone?"

His phone is being blown up with message notifications right now. His mother asks him while he's chastising the cats. These little devils just jumped on his back and left some red and burning marks behind. Minho swears some of them are even bleeding!

"I'll check them now, mom."

His friends are having a night out together - they have asked Minho if they should delay it until he's back. He just dismissed that quickly, telling them to have fun without him and that they'd have another one with him later.

BangChan:

@AnimalShifter

Look at these dudes.

[+23 Images]

Hynjinnnn:

today is the day

that i can talk shits behind minho-hyung

without being scared

that he'll stuff tissues in my mouth

muahahaahah

AnimalShifter:

[Image]

SpearB:

Put that knife down, hyung

:))))

BangChan:

Whoa, knife down, mate!

Hynjinnnn:

put that knife down pls!

i'll zipped my mouth

AnimalShifter:

Yo have planted a seed of doubt in me

It's too late

@Hynjinnnn

Just you wait

[Image]

[Image]

kangdong.one:

Awww I miss Soon

And Dong

And Do

Hynjinnnn:

the cats are cute

but what is that that you are wearing???

you just stay away from me for a couple of days

yet your og fashion sense has returned

i thought i've inspired you to wear better

AnimalShifter:

It's just a pyjamas

For playing with my cats you twat

Who the fuck wears flashy clothes in their house?

And when playing with cats???

They gonna tear my clothes into shreds

Look at this

[Image]

kangdong.one:

…

Is that claw marks on your back???

That looks hurt

Put some ointment on them, hyung

SpearB:

Seungminnie said "Nice back"

But yeah

Ouch

Looks like someone is going to sleep on their belly tonight.

Hynjinnnn:

that looks painful

but hyung

you just blessed me with ideas

for my next design

thank you!!!

Minho has already closed the chat in panic after Changbin's message.

Shit.

Minho hasn't made any progress detangling the twists and knots in his heart after he came back here. 

He is sitting awkwardly on the couch with Soonie in his lap, spiralling into his thoughts, while absentmindedly listening to the cat purring. His parents are talking with each other about a TV show that they are watching.

"… Speaking of which, our Minho used to be attached on the hip with Seungminnie next door, just like the kids in this show."

"Yeah, I remember that time. That sweet little boy… I wonder what he and and family are doing right now…"

Minho's stomach drops. He hasn't told his parents that Seungmin is back. They might ask Minho about him with all the questions that even Minho still hesitates to ask Seungmin himself.

Realization hits him like a train. Seungmin is back, but will he stay for long?

If not, then what's Minho going to do?

********

Minho still isn't sure about what he wants to do with Seungmin, but he hopes he will be after solving that underlying question that they have been tip-toeing around for too long. So he takes the initiative and texts Seungmin for the first time after weeks of feigning indifference.

Me:

Seungmin-ah

Are you free tomorrow night?

Kim Seungmin

Hi hyung.

I am.

What's the matter?

Me:

I have sth to tell you

Also

We need to talk

You know what I'm talking about

Minho has to hold his breath when he presses the 'send' button. The messages are quickly marked as 'seen' on Seungmin's side, yet Minho doesn't receive any reply in several minutes.

Kim Seungmin:

Okay, hyung.

Where do you want to meet?

Me:

Anywhere you prefer and feel comfortable.

Kim Seungmin:

Alright.

Do you mind coming over to my place?

Me:

Do you want me to come to your place?

Oh

Okay

Is 9pm ok for you?

Kim Seungmin:

Yes hyung.

Me:

Alright then.

See you tomorrow

Goodnight, Seungmin

Kim Seungmin:

See you tomorrow.

Goodnight, hyung.

Seungmin has agreed. Only when he turns off his phone does Minho realise that sweat has been all over his back and his forehead. The relief arrives late, tangled with the nerves. He starts thinking of how he should frame his questions tomorrow without coming off as rude to Seungmin.

He brings his thoughts to bed with him, and wakes up with a heavy head the morning after. He unfortunately can't meet Seungmin at night, well, can't meet Seungmin alone, because their plan is interrupted by Hyunjin and his career milestone.

Tonight is another night that Chan and Jisung also happens to come over his and Changbin's flat. Minho is preparing in his room when he hears Jisung screaming.

"What you just say, Hwang Hyunjin? No way! Oh my God! Congrats, bro!"

Minho peeks his head out of his door. Jisung puts Hyunjin on the speaker.

"— can't believe it's the Vogue magazine! Vogue! Reaching out to me. I might cry for real, guys!"

Hyunjin exclaims that while he is already sobbing.

"So you guys have to come to my place. Now! We are celebrating this. Jeonginnie and Felix are already here! The hyungs are with you, right, Jisung? Tell them to come, today is Saturday anyway. I'll call Seungmin, he's probably free tonight."

"We are coming, Hyunjin-ah!" Changbin screams so his voice can go through Jisung's speaker.

Minho jolts. His plan tonight with Seungmin… But he also doesn't want to ruin Hyunjin's moment.

Me:

How about we talk another day?

Let's go to Hyunjin's place.

Kim Seungmin:

Ok hyung.

Hyunjin has had the snack and the drinks ready by the time they arrive. He introduces Jeongin and Felix to the group.

There are eight of them, all around the same age, crowding Hyunjin's not-very-big single flat. Hyunjin has pushed the furniture back to make space. It's a small party, meant for celebrating. Conversations drift smoothly among Hyunjin's story and his past collections, deadlines, and their mutual friends. A few drinks later and the party has spilled out of chairs, people sitting wherever there's space. Chan has his butt on the floor, telling a story about how he had embarrassed himself the other day when running into someone he barely recognised. It had been so long for him.

The room breaks into easy laughter.

"Honestly," Hyunjin sighs, "I think staying in contact with people is hard."

"Agree. It's harder than cutting people off. Cutting someone off only has to happen once. Staying in touch require so much efforts and maintenance," Jisung replies. "You only have so much energy. You can't do it with everyone."

"They say time will heal everything, but I think time is also capable of hurting, too. Especially when it comes to relationship."

"Add in distance and you'll have the double kill."

Everyone giggles. Seungmin doesn't, and so is Minho. He tries to follow along.

"Is losing contact with people your expertise?"

Hyunjin and Changbin laugh out loud.

"Me?" Jisung points at himself, then scratches his head, smiling all coyly. "Well, if you say so—"

"I'm sorry."

Seungmin cuts Jisung off. His gaze flicks to Minho for a brief second before he turns away.

Minho is taken aback - he has intended for his words to come off as a joke. Around them, the others exchange puzzled looks, glancing back and forth as if trying to catch what they’ve missed. Minho scrambles for something to say, anything, but his voice comes up empty.

His phone goes off right at this moment.

"Excuse me for a moment. It's my mom calling. Hi, mom—"

The others move on and continue chatting, until the sudden change in Minho's tone makes them look up.

"What?! How? I'm sorry— Hang on a minute," Minho looks like he's trying to stay calm. "Have you searched under every drawers? Cabinet? In the washing machine? How about the laundry basket?"

Minho drags his hand over his face.

"I'm coming back," he announces. "Don't leave the house, mom. Please update me every other hour."

"Minho, what's wrong?"

"One of my cats disappeared. My parents suspect he slipped out of the door. I have to come home to find him."

Minho calls the taxi centre while frantically putting on his jacket. Unfortunately, all the taxi drivers have refused, saying they only accept his request if it's within the city after midnight. The distance is too far to drive to Minho's hometown and then go back. They don't even budge when Minho offers to pay double the normal price, and try to persuade him to wait until early morning.

As if waiting were a thing he knows how to do.

It's his baby. His Soonie. The cat has spent nearly 13 years living happily under his roof. Minho still remembers the day he met his first fur baby, it only took him one look at the tiny, dying kitten in a vet to decide to bring him home. It took him years to nurture that tiny, dying kitten to a healthy state.

So how can Minho wait?

Things would be easier on any other days. Minho knows how to drive, he can ask Changbin to let him borrow his car. Or he can beg Chan or Changbin to drive him home and repay their favours later.

But all of them just had alcohol.

His head is throbbing, and so are his eyes.

"Hyung, I would lend you my car, or even drive you back, but you— all of us just had alcohol earlier." Changbin said, his eyebrows furrowing. "Let me go check if I can find any number of late night intercity drivers."

"I'm sorry hyung…," Hyunjin looks close to his tears. "It's me who dragged you here."

"No, Hyunjin—"

"No, Hyunjin," Chan chastises him in firm voice. "It's not your fault something unexpected happens. Minho-yah, let me go check with Changbin—"

"I didn't drink. I can drive."

All eyes focus on Seungmin.

"If Changbin-hyung and you trust me, I can drive you with his car and then go back."

"Yes, please!"

Minho can hear the desperation in his own voice. Changbin is already digging through his jeans pocket, and throws his car key to Seungmin. They hurry to the front door. Changbin holds Seungmin's shoulders back when he's one foot out of the flat.

"You said you didn't drink and can drive, I trust you. But drive carefully anyway, Seungmin, for both of you and Minho's safety."

"Changbin is right," Chan agrees. "Keep us update when you arrive and when you come back. Call me or Changbin right away if anything happens."

"Sorry guys," Minho's eyes are red-rimmed but he doesn't shed one tear. "I'm sorry, Hyunjin, for ruining your night. I'll repay all of you with another party later."

"See you guys later."

********

The drive back to Minho's hometown is nerve-wrecking. He doesn't cry or panic - he just sits there in utter silence and keeps looking at his phone, occasionally nipping at his nail. He doesn't want to miss any updates from his mother. Seungmin also doesn't talk. His eyes focus straight ahead as he drives steadily into the night.

When Minho raises his left thumb to his lips the nth time in the drive, Seungmin stops him. His hand reaches over, firm and deliberate, closing around Minho's fist and guiding it down. For a brief second, the back of his hand presses against Minho's lips.

"Don't do it, hyung."

He listens. His hand falls down. Seungmin's hand follows it down in unbroken contact, until both come to rest in Minho's lap. Neither of them moves away. Minho speaks up for the first time of the drive.

"Seungmin-ah, thank you. For helping me."

"It's nothing. Don't worry, hyung."

"I'm sorry… You must feel so uncomfortable going back—"

"Hyung. I'm ok. Really. This is bounded to happen sooner or later. And I know how important Soonie is to you."

"You still remember Soonie?"

"How can I forget him? I was there when you brought him home. That's your only son— I'm just kidding!"

Seungmin chuckles when Minho takes a sharp inhale, and Minho thinks that sound eases his frantic nerves.

"I remember Soonie and Doongie. Those two little orange gremlins."

"I adopted a third. His name is Dori."

"You got a third one? That's impressive. Another orange? So you can be a brother of your orange-triplet siblings?"

"No, he is a tabby."

"When did you adopt him?"

"One year after you left."

"Is that so."

Seungmin doesn't speak after that. Minho turns his head to look him. The streetlights scatters on Seungmin's face and reflect the most on his forehead, on the tip of his nose, and on the curves of his lips and his chin. Then everything sinks into near-darkness again. Light keeps returning his face, over and over, like reassurance.

Seungmin doesn't seem uncomfortable or avoidant like the first time Minho mentioned that event. His right hand still wraps loosely on Minho's left one.

"Seungmin-ah. Will you tell me what had happened nine years ago? Later, of course."

"I will, hyung. And I meant it."

"Meant what?"

"That I'm sorry. I told you that in Hyunjin's flat earlier."

"Are you going to stay, then? In Korea."

"I can't say for sure, hyung. But I don't intent to do leave least for now and in the near future."

Seungmin gives his hand a small squeeze, then moves back to the wheel.

When they arrive, Minho's house is the only one that is lighted in the whole neighbourhood. Seungmin parks right in front of it, he's about to go out of the car with Minho but stops when he sees Minho's mom open the door.

"Mom!"

"Minho-ah!"

"Did Soonie return yet?"

"Not yet. I and your dad are about to look around outside."

"Don't, mom. Go inside. I'll do it. These are for calling Soonie, right?" He takes the two packs of cat snack and flashlights out of his mother's hands. "Go inside, and keep looking for him. That little menace is so good in playing hide and seek. Maybe he's still in the house."

"But Minho, baby, how did you come back? I thought you said you'd be home tomorrow morning since there's no taxi around this time?"

"… a friend drove me home. He's still in the car."

"Who? Changbinnie? But—"

"Mom, go inside. Tell dad to stay in the house, too. If I can't find him I'll go back."

"…Okay, then. Be careful, baby."

She hesitantly retreats and gives Minho one last look before closing the door. Minho can briefly see his father.

"Let me help."

Seungmin is out of the car. He takes one pack of the snack and a flashlight from Minho before he can retorts.

"I just have to shake this pack, making the sound to attract Soonie, right? Do you have any idea of where he can be, or where he would love to hide?"

"Uh… He likes high place! But please check every narrow corners, too. The eyes, also, if you see two dots of light close together… that might be him. Cat's eyes often glow in the dark. I'll go this way. Can you go to the opposite?"

"Got it. Call me if you find him, ok?"

"Ok. You too."

Minho has spent the last 40 minutes looking for the cat - from shaking the cat snack, calling his name, walking, crawling - in vain. Seungmin keeps him updated by sending Minho texts every 20 minutes. His mother also does that, but instead of announcing the good news, she tells Minho and his friend to come back. It's too late. They can find Soonie tomorrow.

Minho clenches his teeth together, and decides that he will also give up for tonight if he can't find Soonie in the next 15 minutes. Times tickles by, and the cold wind at night keep nipping his warmth away little by little.

Minho is on the verge of surrender and tears when suddenly, he hears a small, pathetic meow close by. The sound comes from above. It's Soonie, all shrivelled up on a tree branch, his eyes shining like two big fireflies in the night. He doesn't come down even after seeing Minho extending his arms out and calling him. The cat just lets out small, sad sound. He looks like he is stuck and doesn't know how to climb down by himself.

Minho calls Seungmin with his shaking hand holding the phone. Seungmin comes to his place in several minutes later.

"I think he's stuck. Should we look for a stick. or something like that, to help him down?"

"Or I can climb the tree and help him down."

"You are insane. Wait, hyung—"

But Minho is already folding his sleeves up and takes off his shoes. He holds the flashlight in his mouth while climbing his way up the tree. He slowly, carefully approaches the cat, and successfully grabs his nape and picking him up.

Goodness, this gremlin will be in diet after Minho gets him home!

In a split moment when Minho is struggling to find a way down the tree with one hand, the cat panics and wriggled violently. Soonie sets himself free from Minho's hand and fall down from the tree.

"No—"

Seungmin comes into the scene like a knight in shining armour. He flings the flashlight in his hand away and throwing himself forward, catching the cat in his arm before it hits the ground. His legs splayed on the ground, looking all dishevelled. Soonie is held close to his chest - Seungmin uses his jacket to cover up the cat, preventing him from running away or panicking again. It takes a while for Soonie to calm down and stops shivering.

Minho doesn't dare to attempt to pick Soonie up again - the cat might as well break free from their grasps again the very moment he can see the surroundings.

"Seungmin-ah, thank you… I don't know what I could do without you tonight."

"It's ok now, hyung. Let's bring Soonie back."

"…Are you afraid of seeing my parents?"

"I mean, I—"

"If not, then stay," Minho stares at him. "Stay with us to night. In our house."

He can see Seungmin's hesitation in the droop of his eyelids. And his throat, bobbing up and down, looking for an answer. Minho keeps his eyes focused on him.

"…Alright, hyung."

"Wait, really?"

"… Were you joking with me?"

"No. Of course. No." Minho fumbles with his words. "I thought it would take more efforts to persuade you."

Minho goes behind Seungmin, his hands hooking under Seungmin's arms to help him stand up. Seungmin doesn't let loose of his arms around Soonie even once the whole walk back to Minho's house.

When Minho inserts the key to the keyhole, he can hear Seungmin taking a deep breath. He turns the key and pushes the door open.

"Minho-ah! Baby! You're back—"

His mother comes out right away to the door step. She must have heard the sound of the key.

"…Seung…min?

Her eyes open incredibly big when she sees the man standing behind Minho. She brings both of her hands up to cover her mouth. Minho's dad arrives a little later, also frozen stunned.

"Goodness! Seungminnie! Is that really you?"

"It's been a while, eomma-nim—"

She goes pass Minho to pull Seungmin into a hug.

"Wait, The cat—"

"Meow!"

Minho's mother jolts when her body comes into contact with a incredibly soft thing on Seungmin's chest. The small collision squeezes a meow out of it.

"Yes, mom, we found Soonie."

"Goodness! Boys… Come in, come in first!"

Only when Minho's mother has closed the door does Seungmin open his jacket. Soonie immediately dashes out of his hold to sprint to his hiding spot.

"How did you guys even find him— You know what? Don't answer. Save it for tomorrow. We'll talk later in the morning, after everyone is up." His mom turns back to them after watching Soonie rush to the cat house. "Oh Seungminnie! It's been so long since the last time I met you. Since when did you grow so big?"

Seungmin hugs her back with all of his earnests.

"I miss you too, eomma-nim. I'm back. Good… evening, appa-nim. It's good to see you again."

His father doesn't say anything. Instead, he comes up to Seungmin, pulls him into a tight embrace and slaps on his back. When he lets go of Seungmin, he pats his mussed hair.

"You've grown up."

"Good, good. You will stay tonight, right, Seungmin? It's so late now." Minho's mother is smiling so wide it bundles the apples on her cheeks. "Let's get you guys to bed soon. There is enough hot water for both of you. Take turn to have a shower, boys."

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience, eomma-nim."

"What are you talking about? There's no inconvenience here. Minho-yah, you go fetch Seungminnie some of your clean clothes."

"Mom, of course it has to be clean clothes. What else can I give him?"

"You. Stop whining already. Chop chop!"

"Already bossing me around the very first minute I come back home."

Minho mumbles. His mother ignores him.

"Seungminnie, will you sleep with Minho in his room or do you prefer to sleep in the living room? Either way we'll have your mattress set up in no time. Maybe the living room is better? I know our Minho talks in his sleep and it might bother you."

"Goodness! Mom, stop!"

Minho screams out from his room. His mother just chuckles.

"I'll stay with hyung in his room. Thank you, eomma-nim."

"You!" Minho slaps him on the back, shoving a new toothbrush and pair of pyjamas in his hands. A pair of brand new boxer, too - it's still in the plastic wrap from where Minho had bought it. "Go take a bath, quickly! Clean towels are on the wall. Shampoo and shower gel in the cabin."

He pushes Seungmin in the bathroom and even close the door for him - what a gentlemen he is!

His mom pulls him to the side when the water inside the bathroom starts running.

"Lee Minho, what is all of this?"

"Mom, I swear that I don't know anything." He lowers his voice. "I have as many question as you are having right now. We just met a few months ago— ouch!"

"A few months ago? And you are telling me that now?"

His mom slaps him one more time, for good measure. Minho winces, rubbing on the spot where her hand lands on his skin.

"You owe me an explanation." His mom pinches his nose and gently and waggles it from side to side. She then leaves to find a spare mattress for Seungmin with a smile on her lips.

Minho is crouching right next to the door, sending Chan and Changbin a text when Seungmin gets out of the bathroom. His dirty clothes are folded neatly, stuffed in the crooks of his arm.

"Why are you sitting here, hyung?" He asks. "And why are you pouting?"

"Just shoot the guys an update, and I am not pouting."

Minho brings his clothes and his allegedly pout into the bathroom. The steam left from Seungmin's shower earlier still lingers, drifting up and down, back and forth. With the door shut, it has nowhere to go but stays in the small space, wrapping Minho inside its wispy veil of haziness.

He walks out after properly washing himself. Seungmin is in the living room. He sits in the corner of the sofa with his back straight and hands on his lap, carefully watching Dori curling up on the other side of the sofa.

"Your parents have gone to bed," he said. "They told me to not wait for you."

"You should listen to the elder." Minho rubs his hair one, two, three times with the towel and throws it in the laundry basket. "Let's go."

His parents have had Seungmin's mattress ready with clean bedsheets, an autumn blanket, and a pillow. Minho can sense the hesitance in Seungmin's footsteps when they enter his room. Seungmin being self-conscious makes Minho feel self-conscious, too.

"Wait. Are you really going to sleep with your hair like that?"

"Yes. What? You have a problem with my damp hair sleeping on my own pillow?"

"It's not even damp, it's wet. Right now is autumn, hyung, you might catch a cold. Please think for your throat."

"I know, but I'm so lazy and tired."

Minho doesn't realise that he's whining. He's busy kicking his house slippers off and climbing on his bed.

"Where's the hair dryer, hyung?"

"Under that cabinet. Why? You need it?"

Seungmin takes a mini hair dryer out, plugs it in, and turns to Minho.

"Hyung, come sit on the mattress." He sighs when Minho just looks at him - blinks, blinks, blinks - without moving. "Please hurry up. Are you becoming a cat for real? Are you scared of the hair dryer now?"

"You are so annoying, do you know that?"

Minho mumbles in protest but plops himself down, sitting right in front of Seungmin. Seungmin turns the dryer on the lowest level - afraid of the loud noise might wake Minho's parents up - and starts blow-drying his hair. The warm air flows over his scalp in slow sweeps. He can feel the heat on his head but also on his back by how close Seungmin is kneeling behind him. The boy— the man carefully brushes his fingers through his hair, like he's scared of hurting Minho.

Minho stays still, afraid that if he moves, the moment will break. Minho can hear Seungmin's breath beneath the hums of the hair dryer, and feel it changing when he leans in just slightly, concentrating. There's something in the way Seungmin takes his time that feels heavier than the act itself, like he's trying to convey something he doesn't know how to put into words yet.

"It's done. You can go to sleep now."

"What about you? Is your hair still damp?"

"No, my hair is cut shorter than normal, so it was already dry when I was waiting for you in the living room."

That's right - Seungmin has had his hair cut really short recently. Minho only now recalls how their friends had been surprised with it when Seungmin arrived today. The two-block haircut suits him, it makes him look less soft, less gentle but sharp and dependable.

He doesn't move from his spot even when Seungmin comes back from putting the hair dryer away. Instead, he just grabs Seungmin on the sleeve and pulls him down to sit with him on the mattress.

"What's wrong, hyung?"

"… Thank you. Again. For today."

"You are welcome."

Minho scrambles for words after Seungmin's reply, but his brain just leaves him with an unidentified mixture of feeling, guilt tangled with relief, yearning to hear more of that calming, melodic voice. Seungmin stays where he is, patiently waiting for Minho while slightly tilting his head to the side - and God, does Minho's heart clench helplessly in adoration witnessing this.

"Kim Seungmin", he pauses. "Why are you doing this for me? All of this."

All the meals. The stolen glances. The soft smiles. The physical touches. The cares. The words.

"…Because I care for you. As a friend. I treat all of my friends like this."

His voice is calm and collected, and so are his eyes. But he's not looking at Minho.

"You are not good at lying, Kim Seungmin."

"What exactly am I lying about, hyung?"

"…Am I just a friend to you?"

"You are my friend."

"And that's all? Look at me, Seungmin-ah."

Minho hesitantly, slowly raises his hands, like he's approaching not a man but a cat. The thought eventually gives him the bravery to cup Seungmin's face in his hands. He jolts. His eyes widen at the touch, meeting Minho's for a brief second before he shifts his gaze to the side. His irises hold no such things like disgust or withdrawal, rather, they are overflowed with the desperation to hide the emotions.

"Hyung, let's sleep. It's so late now."

"Ok. I'll change the question, then."

Minho sighs. The sound drags Seungmin's gaze back to him.

"Did you miss me, Seungmin-ah?"

Something cracks underneath Seungmin's calm and collected gaze. Minho doesn't stop.

"Because I did, and I still do. I've been missing you." Minho pulls Seungmin into his embrace. He doesn't dare to use so much force, just enough to ground his own rabbit heart. Just enough for Seungmin, he hopes, to feel his sincerity. "I'm sorry, for saying this so late."

Minho can feel the body in front of his chest go tense. He can feel two arms lifting up but hovering behind his back, as if not sure what do to - or know what to do in this situation. Ah… Minho is being out of character, and Seungmin is tolerating him. Maybe he is not comfortable with body contacts this close. So Minho lets loose of his arms, breaking away from the hug.

"Sorry. You must feel uncomfortab— Oof!"

Seungmin has his arms around Minho's waist, pulling him back, fast. Their chests collide. He drops his head on Minho's shoulder.

"Hyung, why didn't you hate me? Why didn't you push me away?" Seungmin can't help the quiver in his voice. One of his arm moves up Minho's back and grab on his shoulder, locking him in one place. "How could you forgive me so easily?"

"Who says I've forgiven you?" Minho hugs him back, petting the back of Seungmin's head, joking. "Missing you and forgiving you are two different things. To forgive you… let's see how well you do at explaining later. But I'm happy that you are back. I really am."

"Don't forgive me, hyung. Don't. I—"

"It's my choice, isn't it, Kim Seungmin." Minho fakes his small gasp. "How dictatorial of you. Not letting your hyung decide for himself? How can you become a demure house husband if you are this bossy?"

"… I never said I want to become a demure one."

Seungmin mumbles as he slumps on Minho, then stays there, pressed to his chest. They remain like that for a while. Minho thinks he could hold this position for a long, long time. He likes the way Seungmin’s body weighting on him, heavy with more than just flesh and bone. Minho bet it'd feel even better if Seungmin let his thoughts rest there, on Minho's shoulders, too. Seungmin feels more real now. It almost seems as though it isn’t just his physical weight Minho is carrying, but something deeper, something like his sadness he is willing to let it seep out. His struggle to let his problem be known. He is no longer impose himself in Minho as someone who could disappear at any moment. He makes Minho believe he is here.

Birds start chirping outside the window. Is that the birds, or is that Minho’s heart, perhaps Seungmin’s, singing slowly in happiness Minho is hearing?

Seungmin yawns on Minho’s shoulder. He must have felt sleepy. It's nearly dawn.

"Hyung." He asks, his voice tiny and whispery. And sleepy. "Did you miss me… as a friend?"

"I can miss you as whoever you want to be, Kim Seungmin. It's time for dreamland."

Seungmin lies down. Minho climbs back on his bed.

"Good night, Kim Seungmin."

"Good night, kitty-hyung."

********

Although Minho has gone to bed so late, he still wakes up before he got enough sleep hours.

He takes time stretching under the blanket, then sits up to see the mattress on the floor. Seungmin is already up. He has made the bed before he left the room - so neat that if it's not for his phone next to the blanket pile, Minho would think that there was no one sleeping on that mattress last night.

It's 9:30 in the morning.

Seungmin is in the kitchen with his mother, fumbling with the scallions. The way he holds the knife is awkward, and he clumsily cuts the scallions into uneven pieces. Minho sighs. He comes close to Seungmin and uses his hip to bump him away.

"You. Get out of here. Go entertain my brothers."

"G'morning, hyung. But—"

"No but. I want pretty, even scallion pieces to go into my mouth. These—" he points at the scallion in Seungmin's hand, "have sacrificed without dignity. And beauty."

Minho's mother laughs behind them.

"I've told Seungminnie to go to the living room, but he wanted to stay here to help. It's the thought that counted, right?"

"Go. I'll take care of the breakfast. Go introduce yourself with Dori."

Seungmin is pushed out of the kitchen area. Minho even slaps him on the butt before he returns to the kitchen, feigning ignorance to the horrified look in Seungmin's eyes.

"I've seen that you have that grin on your face ever since Seungmin is back, huh?" His mom nudges him with her elbow. "You even pushed him out of the kitchen— I didn't see you did that with Jisungie or Changbinnie before."

"If Jisungie and Changbinnie are violinists like Seungmin, I would push them out of the kitchen, too."

"Oh? Seungminnie is a violinist now?"

"I know, right?"

" I had always thought he wanted to be a baseball player. I didn't think he would be a violinist, seeing how much his parents had put him through with it."

"Wait. Why didn't I know about that before?"

"Of course you wouldn't know if Seungmin didn't tell you. His mom sometimes found me," she sighs, "—asking me to tell you to advise him to stop playing baseball… so he could have more time practising violin. Did you know Seungminnie once had had three violin teachers at the same time? Three."

Minho is speechless.

Seungmin did complain with him about violin sometimes. He admitted to being tired, and that was it. He never slipped it out in more than one or two sentences. When Minho pressed him with further questions, he shut his worry down gently and pretended it had never happened.

"His parents had high expectations for him, especially his mom. They were pretty easy on him on other aspects besides violin… I think it's because his mother used to be a prestigious violinist, so she wants to pass her legacy down to her children. It must have been stressful for Seungminnie. His sister didn't have to, because she had decided pretty early to follow their father's footsteps in the legal system."

They have a hearty, savoury breakfast together. He has deliberately ignored Seungmin's meaningful gaze at him after he spotted his ugly-cut scallions swimming in Minho's bowl of soup.

His mother brings out the tea, fruits, and sweet treats after their breakfast, while Seungmin helps his father taking all of the dishes away to the sink. They gathered around the table again for the desserts.

"…Can you believe that this piggy had climbed a tree and got stuck there? I almost had a heart attack when I looked up and saw two green lights staring straight into my soul!"

"We'll have to lock the door more carefully from now on. Thanks, boys, for finding him and taking him home safely."

"If it hadn't been for Seungmin, Soonie would have had at least some broken bones— He jumped from my hand when we were still on that tree branch. Seungmin caught him before he hit the ground."

"You climbed a tree at night? Lee Minho you—"

"But I am fine, dad, am I not?"

"Seungmin-ah, thank you so much."

"So, Seungminnie, how have you been doing?"

Six eyes focus on Seungmin. He is munching on a piece of early-season persimmon, so he hastily swallows it down to answer the question.

"I'm doing just fine, eomma-nim. I don't know if hyung have told you, but I'm a session violinist now."

"We're glad that you are doing good, Seungminnie. How are your parents and your sister?"

"They are living in America now. They are doing well. My sister just finished her bachelor degree in Law."

"Is that so? Please send our congratulations to her."

"I will."

Seungmin turns the cup slowly in his hands, seemingly weighing carefully each word on his tongue before he speaks. The tea slides along the rim, catching the light shifting with each turn.

"I want to say sorry to all of you, eomma-nim, appa-nim, hyung," he gulps. "For disappearing without a word nine years ago. It must have made you worried. I'm sorry.

"My sister had received an acceptance letter from her uni in America. They offered her a full-ride scholarship. My mom had a lot of shows in America at that time, too, and she had been getting tired from flying back and forth for a long time. So my mom and my sister were considering moving to America temporarily, just the two of them, at the beginning."

Minho can see his shoulders shiver as if standing in the cold. Seungmin continues with a sad smile on his face.

"But something had happened. It was because of me. Mostly me. I had refused to continue with the violin career like what my parents had expected. And other things… happened. I didn't grow up like how I was supposed to. All of those made my parents disappointed. My mom said I needed to be… fixed… in the head, so she forced me to come with her. My dad had always been a good husband to my mother, he listened to her persuasion and had gone with us to America, leaving his career in Korea behind."

His tremble starts becoming more obvious. Minho wants to stop him.

"Ok. Ok. We got you. I think that's enough for today. Seung—"

"It's fine, hyung, I have to finish. I want to finish."

Seungmin takes another long, deep breath.

"Because of that, my mom thought I was a disgrace as a future violinist, and as a... overall. She told me she couldn't have anyone knowing about her failure in raising her son until it was… put to rights. Moving away in silence without everyone knowing was a way to start everything anew. For her, for me, for all of us."

"Seungmin-ah…"

"At that time, I was yet to be an adult, so I was heavily dependent on my parents. I was ashamed of myself and didn't have any other choice, especially when I thought it had been my fault that we had to go. Shortly after we moved to America, my sister fell sick, and we didn't have any time to even think about anything. Both of my parents and I had to work like being possessed to be able to afford the living expenses and her hospital bills. Nothing went according to plans. Sometimes when things got too difficult, my mom would have distress episodes... so... it was quite a... stressful period. It took me a long time to come back to my senses. My sister was the only person who stood up for me and encourage me to be myself, to follow my dreams, but she was helpless since she was bedridden."

After saying that, his shoulders drop as if he's finally set something down. The line of his spine loosens. His eyes are red but dry. Seungmin exhales slowly - his breath catching at the end - like he hasn't realised that he'd been holding it in.

Minho's mother looks close to her tears. His father falls quiet, sitting there with his hands clasped in front of his mouth. Minho can see the sadness and concern in both of their eyes. He can't see himself, but he bets his expression right now is just like theirs, if not even worse.

Seungmin speaks again, softer this time. His voice, his demeanour, his eyes - all of them feel lighter. Feel relieved.

"But my sister has recovered. And she has finished her degree after a long time of absence. I've had a talk with my parents, and I'm no longer a child. So I decided to come back to Korea, living my own life."

Minho's mother has pushed her chair away as she stands up. She comes to Seungmin and holds him in her arms.

"You've been so strong, Seungmin. How can something like that happen to a sweet boy like you? Life is truly unfair." Her tears roll down her cheeks and get caught on Seungmin's hair, bead after bead, pure and heavy with empathy from a mother.

His father pats gently on Seungmin's back.

"All has passed, Seungmin-ah. You have us. You have us on your side until the day we're not here anymore. You've been so strong for holding on until now. You should be proud of yourself."

"My sister told me that, too." Seungmin smiles. His smile is innocent like it comes from his inner child, when he was yet to be separated from Minho, when things were still right. "Thank you, eomma-nim, appa-nim. It means a lot to me. Thank you."

Minho realises he has tears in his eyes, too. So he stands up, walking straight into his room, and closes the door behind him.

He angrily wipes his tears away.

Minho rarely cries. The amount of time that he has cried - ever since he went to school - is smaller than the number of sheep an easy-sleeping person has to count before drifting.

Seungmin, along with Minho's mother and father, has made Minho cry the most, unintentionally or not.

What forces his tears to fall is the feeling of helplessness. Minho has learned very early on that one has to be "competent" to bring happiness to their loved ones. He has tried to become like that physically, mentally, and— financially, and he's still trying his best to be. Minho thought he was doing… enough, at least.

But it turns out it wasn't.

Seungmin's sister, even though she was sick, could still give Seungmin solace when he needed it. But Minho… he didn't know anything. He couldn't help Seungmin with anything, and even though it wasn't his fault for being kept deliberately in the dark, he still feels helpless.

His heart aches for the 17-year-old Seungmin who would have to endure years of pain alone, carrying all the pain and responsibility on his bony shoulders. Minho wasn't there. He wasn't even aware that there were burdens to share. That helplessness of having been absent, more than anything, is what devastates him.

His heart aches for the current Seungmin, who has his shoulders wide enough to bear responsibility, his cheekbones and jawline sharp enough to overshadow his soft edges, and his eyes deep enough to hide his true feelings. The current Seungmin, who today has told his nine years' worth of pain like it's something brief and short and… no longer causing too much pain. But how can the pain subside when it is about his own flesh and blood, especially with how Seungmin had kept his parents’ reaction of him coming back to Korea so vague like that?

"Hyung?"

Seungmin pushes the door to his room open. Minho turns his head away from him, his voice wobbly.

"Do not say a word!"

Seungmin listens. He gets closer to Minho perching on the edge of his bed and sits down next to him. They sit together in silence like that for a while. Minho sniffles, and suddenly he feels something is being pressed down gently on his shoulder. He turns his neck around and finds his cheek comes into contact with a bristly texture.

Seungmin is leaning on him. He just stay there, doesn't speak one word.

"Seungmin-ah," Minho calls him. "Tell hyung how to become dependable for you. How to become your safe place."

"You already are."

"It's not enough."

"That's plenty enough." He sighs. "Hyung, I have something to tell you, but I don't know how to, yet. Can you give me some time to do it?"

"Of course, as long as you don't disappear without a word again."

Seungmin snuggles into the valley between Minho's neck and shoulder.

"I promise."

"I believe you, because you have told me before that you are a man of your words."

"Oh, you still remember that fine-dining bet?"

"Of course."

Minho and Seungmin go back in the late afternoon, after having lunch with Minho's parents. This time he is Seungmin's designated driver. The cats don't want to let him go, but they hesitate to approach him, still wary of the slender intruder standing next to Minho all the time. So they just linger near the door step and lying on Minho's shoes.

His parents go with them to the car to see them off.

"Take care of yourself, boys. Seungmin-ah, tell me if Minho annoys you."

"You are underestimating Seungmin, mom."

"Remember to come visit us often," his mother ignores his remark. "Both of you."

"Goodbye, eomma-nim. Goodbye, appa-nim. I'll come visit you another day."

"It's we." Minho elbows him on the side. He slide into the driver seat and rolls the window down. "Ok mom, we'll go now."

"Already getting physical with him." His mother smacks Minho on his arm. "Drive safely, baby. Tell us when you guys arrive."

"Drive safe, Minho. Don't get reckless like last night. Driving is just as dangerous as climbing a tree in the dark with one hand."

"Got it, dad. We're going. Goodbye."

********

Minho has come to two realisations after that day.

One: what he had felt about Seungmin in the past and what he has been feeling about Seungmin are not "just friend". He likes their interactions every time they meet and likes how similar they are in the way they think and take action. He likes talking with Seungmin. He likes the small and brief physical touches between them. And he wants more.

He doesn't want Seungmin to be sad, and he would do everything for him to be happy. He wants to take care of Seungmin. He wants to be there for Seungmin no matter what. He wants to be the one Seungmin shares his smile with and the one wiping Seungmin's tears away. The one who Seungmin can fight with when they differ on things, as long as they kiss and make up at the end of the day.

Two: Seungmin might or might not reciprocate Minho's feelings.

Maybe Minho is being verbose, but nothing about humans is simple. They have logic, and they have feelings. Science can explain the logic, but it still debates about emotions within itself. One can still struggle with their own emotion, let alone fully predict and understand the others'. Minho is just another human walking on this planet. He might be able to acknowledge his feelings, but he can't magically understand all the twists and turns in Seungmin's heart if Seungmin doesn't say it out loud. And especially, he can't force Seungmin to love him, not like a friend but like a man.

He physically and morally can't.

Minho is spiralling into the abyss of his own thoughts of what-ifs, what-shoulds, what-abouts,… The normal, nonchalant Minho will come straight up to the person, expressing his curiosity and asking for answers. He can't do that with Seungmin, because he deserves more thoughts, more care, and more efforts.

Seungmin seems to enjoy his company. He doesn't look refused or weirded out by their physical touches, and sometimes even initiates it. He has that look in his eyes whenever he's focusing on Minho,… and many, many things more.

But do all of them mean Seungmin is feeling the same way as Minho is?

They don't see each other often. Minho is busy, and Seungmin is even busier. His schedule is filled up from morning till late at night the majority of the week days, from recording and doing commission, to tutoring and performing,… They usually meet only when the whole group hang out together. If Minho wants to meet him out of that, he has to find a narrow overlap in their schedules, when both him and Seungmin can spare a while from jumping between work and work.

Having late night snack in a small food stall near by every Friday night, after Seungmin finishes his late night job in the pub, has become their new routine. Minho has been coming up with various excuses, that he just happens to be in the area, just coincidentally passing by at that hour. He keeps it up for a while, then gives up eventually. Seungmin doesn't ask him anymore and Minho just casually waits for him near the pub until he comes out, and then they will duck in the food stall together.

"Hyung, when will you have time for our fine-dining? You keep postponing it."

"Me? Kim Seungmin you are really funny. Recently you barely even have time to sleep, let alone for a eating out."

"It's just that our free time never align," he sighs. "That's why I'm asking you, because next week I don't have to work at lot till late."

"… If you're going to pay for me, then I'm not going."

"But why? It's part of our deal."

"I'm just kidding. It's a me problem. I have to work most night next week."

Minho thinks he prefers casual meals with Seungmin to fine dining. The other day he had tagged along with Changbin to a formal, fancy dinner party as representatives of their studio, since both Chan and Jisung were busy. It was held by the founder of the gala he had performed for. Changbin had struck a good music deal with them, winning them over with Seungmin's case and Minho's.

Seungmin was there, too. Minho still remembered vividly how alive his skin had looked from the v-line opening of his waistcoat, and what Seungmin had told him in a brief moment they passed each other.

"I might have mistaken you for the spotlight of tonight."

The sentence had left Minho with two pink ears for the rest of the night. Changbin, returning to Minho with a glass of champagne, was only able to catch the last word. He asked him.

"What did Seungminnie tell you?"

"…He said you were being smart for once for bringing me along tonight."

"Really? I'm pretty sure Seungminnie wouldn't talk about me like that though? But yeah, anyway, you do look great in fancy settings." He shrugged. "I have to admit that that face of yours is doing the hard carry."

It was indeed a fine party. The ambiance, service, and food were all meticulously tailored to perfection. Later, the night loosened into drinks. Minho had small talks here and there with the guests. One of them was telling him about their plan of moving back to Korea.

"It's somewhat better here in Korea, I think. At least they don't charge you an arm and a leg for medical treatments. Or making you wait until you are one breath away from the grave. My brother-in-law has to go into a lifelong medical debt to get his illness treated there, in America."

Maybe Minho was assuming, but it could be one of the reasons why Seungmin was working like there was no tomorrow. He had mentioned his sister being bedridden for quite a while in America, how the three of them left in the family had all been working to cover the costs. Maybe they were yet to pay the bills all up. Or, Seungmin was saving for something ahead.

Minho doesn't ask. It isn't his place. Money is a sensitive topic, and he knows better than to touch it.

Meanwhile, Seungmin keeps bringing up the idea of a fine dining night - their fine dining night. Minho already knows how it would go. Seungmin would find a way to pay for both of them before he could even realise what was happening. It's going to be costly, and he isn't sure if it's worth it, calling Minho a cheapskate or whatever. He doesn't think they need it right now. He thinks Seungmin could use that money for better things, especially when he is settling down in Korea again.

It's not like Minho dislikes fine dining. The food is exceptional, the service flawless, and the price is more often than not justified by the experience. Minho has had fancy dinners a few times, but they often come with many requirements, like etiquette and dress code. In short, they are not meant for fully relaxing and being comfortable. Everyone has an image to uphold the whole meal.

With Seungmin, Minho doesn't want that. He wants to be close to him, wants them to trade quiet teases, to steal glances and let their hands brush without having to think about who might be watching. Those don't go well with white tablecloths and polished silverware.

Minho can't have them in a fine dining setting, so he has been looking for excuse after excuse to delay.

And here they are, in the small food vendor amidst another night, slurping on warm fish cake broth.

"You look tired, hyung. Are you getting enough sleep?"

"You know that enough sleep is a luxury for young people this day and age, right, Kim Seungmin? And I'm still young. Anyway, Chan-hyung has been telling me to invest in a new, high quality recording set. I'm thinking of changing, too. He sent me some of his recommendations, but the only one fits all of my categories is expensive as hell." Minho fakes his sighs. "I kinda want to sing 'Never enough' right now. I'm just another one of the capitalism slaves."

"How much is it?"

"A fortune. Might as well have to sell my kidney for the money."

"…"

"Just kidding. I think I'll buy them, but not now. Maybe later."

Seungmin looks like he's deep in his thoughts, so Minho stops talking and focuses on his food instead. The hot and spicy foods feel like comfort in the cold. The winter is already waiting on everyone's doorstep.

It's another day of Seungmin paying for him. The man is incredibly creative in reasoning why Minho should let him pay instead. Seungmin also insists to accompany Minho to his flat after they finish.

"Listen to the elder, Kim Seungmin." He huffs. "Go home! Get your beauty sleep!"

But Seungmin doesn't listen.

"I go this way anyway."

Minho gives up.

Standing in front of his building, Minho has his hands come to rest on both sides of his hip like a resigned old man. He bids Seungmin goodbye.

"We've arrived. Thank you. Go home, now. Text me when you get there. Good night."

He wants to see Seungmin off, and Seungmin also wants to wait until Minho goes up. They are tussling over a childish reason.

"Goodness, Kim Seungmin why are you so stubborn?"

"That's the least I can do for you. Go up, hyung, then I'll leave."

Minho gives up and goes. He turns around to see Seungmin one last time. For some reason, Minho feels like there's not enough light in Seungmin's eyes like it usually is. Seungmin smile, but the smile doesn't reach his eyes.

"Goodnight, hyung."

Seungmin leaves. He doesn't say "see you later" like he normally does.

"So you think something is wrong because the person you like didn't say what they normally said to you?"

Felix asks him some nights after. They are having a video call. Minho nods.

Minho feels like he's a teenage boy fumbling with his first love, going around asking his friends. The problem is, Minho can't ask Changbin, or Chan, or Jisung, or Hyunjin, since they all know Seungmin. They are going to sniff his secret out right away. Especially Seo Changbin, he know Minho has that small routine with Seungmin. And once Changbin knows, it's no longer a secret among his group.

Felix knows Seungmin, too, but the time he knew him was too short, and he has already returned to Australia.

So Felix was his only one and safe choice. Also, Felix is a sweetheart. He won't tease.

"Awww, hyung, you simp king! You are so head over heels for that person!"

"…"

"How can you be so cute, hyung?"

"…I'm not. Stop saying that."

"You denying that doesn't make you less cute, that's a fact." He smiles. Bright and warm. "But anyway, hyung, from what you've told me, I think you have a chance with them. Big one, even."

Minho drops his head on the table, causing a heavy sound.

"Maybe they just forgot to say it that day? But I understand your worry." Felix pauses. "You shouldn't conclude everything so soon, hyung. If they are not interested in you anymore, you'll see more signs. I believe so. Other than that, I think you should tell them about your feelings. You guys gonna make a cute couple."

Minho thinks Felix is right. But he is scared. What if his confession makes Seungmin— their friendship awkward from then on?

He brings a stomach full of possible post-confession scenarios to their little hangout (their little date) on Friday night the following week. Minho arrives earlier than usual. Seungmin is already standing outside the pub, violin case on his back. It seems like he has gotten off work early today. He is on his phone with someone. Minho approaches him from behind, ready to surprise him after he finishes the call.

Minho accidentally catches his name mentioned in the conversation and some other words as he gets closer to Seungmin. He pauses his walk and is about to step back a little further when he hears…

"—I still love him, noona. But I—"

Minho abruptly turns around on his heels, stopping himself just in time. He doesn't mean to hear any of that. He's only a couple of arm-lengths away from Seungmin, close enough that the words feel dangerously near.

Minho tries to escape the scene.

He forces his steps to be as quiet as a cat and his heart to stop jumping out of his ribcage. The heart doesn't listen. Love? So his feeling is not one-side? Why "still"? Was he talking with his sister? Why "but"? Is he too embarrassed to do that? Or he doesn't know how? Or he doesn't know if Minho will say yes?

When Minho comes back to his sense, 15 minutes have already slipped pass. He has been walking around the same building for… who knows how many time? He rushes back to the pub, his pulse is still unsteady. Seungmin is still standing there, turning his back to him. This time, Minho makes sure to create loud noise to announce his presence when he gets closer. He believes that his thumping heart is contributing to that, too.

"Seungmin-ah."

Seungmin turns around. His eyes are glassy.

He looks like he just cried. He looks so sad.

"Seungmin? What happened?"

His stomach drops. His heart stops beating. Minho runs to Seungmin and cradles his jaw. Seungmin just closes his eyes shut.

"It's nothing hyung. I have sand in my eyes."

"Bull shit."

"…I've had a long day today, and I'm tired. Hyung—"

"Let's get you home now. No snacks tonight."

"But—"

"No but. You've had some food before your shift, right?"

"…Yes."

"Do you have anything to eat at home?"

"…Yes, I have left over kimchi stew and instant rice."

Minho tugs on Seungmin's sleeve.

"Then let's go. I'll take you home. No objection, I'm pulling my hyung-card here."

Seungmin stays quiet the whole trip. His shoulders slump, and so does his neck. He doesn't have multiple dots of light dancing in his eyes. He said he was tired, but Minho has a hunch that that's not the case. Minho has seen the adult Seungmin exhausted, but the weariness only emitted from a shallow level.

This time, it's like his body, his mind, his soul are weary.

"Seungmin-ah, you are not hiding anything from me, right?"

"… I don't hide anything that you should know about since that time in your house."

Switching centre of gravity tactic. He's lying.

So he doesn't want Minho to know that he has feelings for him?

"We're here, hyung. Thank you for going with me."

"You are welcome. Send me a picture of your dinner when you eat it. That's an order."

"…Alright. You, too, send me a text when you get home. Good night, hyung."

Seungmin doesn't say "See you later."

********

Minho doesn't see Seungmin the following Friday, and the Friday of its following week.

He sent Minho a text on Thursday, "I have to stay back for a while after my shift. Don't know when it's gonna end. Don't come, hyung." And that was that.

They barely texted each other in two weeks, no matter how much Minho had gone out of his way to keep their conversation flowing. Seungmin told him he was just busy and that he would contact Minho back once he finished them. Hell, Seungmin hasn't signed up for any more jobs, not that Minho is aware of. And even if he has, he didn't mention it to Minho. It's not like it's Minho's business, but still.

Something is not right. Seungmin is avoiding him, since that night, and Minho doesn't understand.

"Love" and "avoiding" shouldn't be in the same sentence. Now that's too many signs. He has been recalling their previous interactions from time to time, digging through his memories of what he had said to Seungmin, and examining it over and over again to see whether he had hurt Seungmin unintentionally. He couldn't find anything. The look Seungmin had had that day still haunts Minho's mind. It was so sad. So lost.

Minho can live without Seungmin reciprocating his feelings, but he can't stand seeing him drowning in sorrow. He knows Seungmin can't feel happy every time. It's nature. It's life. Still, he wants Seungmin to at least lean on him a little when he's going through sadness.

The talk Seungmin had shared with them in his parents' house suddenly pops up in Minho's head, out of the blue. He was hiding a fragment of what had happened - he even said that himself. If Seungmin just refused to follow a professional violin path, why did his mom tell him he "needed to be fixed in the head"? Was it that serious for her to call him a disgrace? Could that be the one thing Seungmin had asked him to give him some times to be able to talk about it?

He looks up and catches Seungmin watching him, but the moment he realises Minho is looking back, he turns away. This has been happening the whole night.

Minho frowns.

"Earth to Minho-hyung!"

He jumps at the scream. Right, he's in the middle of a party with his friends in his flat.

"Seriously hyung, have you been listening?"

"…'m sorry, can you repeat it?"

"You've been so distracted tonight. You sure you're not tired and want to go rest? Ok, if you say so—" Jisung pats his back. "I'm saying that we should do something fun. Maybe a game! It's game time, baby. Do you have any suggestion?"

By this time, half the drinks and the snacks have been gone. Everyone, with enough alcohol in their system, immediately jumps into answering and starts talking over one another.

"No cards! I don't like card game!"

"Not truth or dare. We're too old for that."

"That's exactly why truth or dare would be funny, you dummy."

They settle, eventually, on a debate game. No rules worth mentioning, they just have to pick the most ridiculous topic possible and arguing it like it's a matter of life and death.

"…You consider debate as a game?"

"…Hyung, do you share the same brain cell with Seungminnie? Or have you guys planned this beforehand? He just told me so!"

Jisung gasps. Minho jolts and looks at Seungmin, who is glancing at him. This again! Seungmin hastily averts his eyes in another direction, feigning ignorance.

"Anyway. Let's start! I'm going first. Best emergency weapon in a kitchen. Go!"

The whole room erupts into chaos.

"A knife! Of fucking course!"

"No. A chair. Preferably the one with metal legs! You can use it as a weapon and a shield."

"Believe me, I'm the only one here frequent the kitchen." Minho scoffs. "A cast iron pan!"

Their voices stack over each other, hands flapping in the air (there are feet, too, but Minho refuses know who is their owner). Jisung is standing on the couch, desperately trying to make a point that immediately gets drowned out. Jeongin insists a glass bottle is underestimated. Someone suggests using bio-hazard weapon, like organic rubbish, and that make every body winces in disgust.

But that's all what matter as long as you survive, no?

The debate derails fast. Now it has turned into surviving a zombie apocalypse.

"Sure! Then who would survive longest in a zombie apocalypse?"

"Oh not you."

"Absolutely, definitely not you."

"You are the one to talk! You'd try to turn into one of them before they bite you, you coward!"

"At least I wouldn't trip over my own anime legs and die two minutes after the apocalypse happened!"

"Oh fuck you!"

The arguments get louder and pettier. Hysterical laughter cuts through everything, high and breathless. Someone snorts beer through their nose. Someone else knocks over a chair and doesn't bother picking it up.

Until they are all exhausted over laughing and screaming.

Minho wipes his tear for laughing too much. He catches Seungmin's gaze after his blurry vision is cleared up. What's his business with Minho today? He has been avoiding him for weeks, and now he spends the whole night stealing glances at Minho?

Minho doesn't understand.

"Alright, mates. I'm asking for a friend." Chan clears his throat. "Who would you rather choose: the one you love or the one loves you?"

"There is no "friend" here, isn't it?"

Minho looks at Seungmin, and Seungmin looks at him. This time, his gaze lingers on Minho longer.

"Let the youngest answer, Innie-ah, who will you choose?"

"What's wrong with your voice? I'm having goosebumps. Anyway, I choose the one who loves me. I can't be with the person I love while knowing they don't love me back."

"But you can make the person you love loves you back, no? It just take time."

"Love doesn't work that way, Jisung-ah." Changbin slaps the back of his head. "You can't force it. Sometimes love makes people suffocate if it's not put into the right person."

"I'll choose the one I love." Chan said. "I'm happy enough to be with them."

"Shit, hyung, don't be such a martyr."

Hyunjin sniffles. Minho zones out.

But love between people and people, shouldn't it have to be mutual? Minho believes unconditional love only exist from mother or father to their children. And not even all parents have the capability to do that.

"—hyung! Minho-hyung! What do you choose?"

Hyunjin is calling him. He decides to take a risk.

"Why do I have too choose if I can have both?"

Minho looks straight into Seungmin's eyes.

"Hyung, that's cheating." Hyunjin and Jisung, too drunk to even realise there's something in the way Minho looks at Seungmin. They whine at the same time. "You can only choose one."

Seungmin stands up and go out to the balcony.

Minho refuses to provide further explanation, pushing the question to Changbin. He remains in his seat for a little more, listening to the others' reasoning and bickering. Hyunjin even pulls out his phone to call Felix, asking for his opinion. At least it's morning time in Felix's place.

He then stands up and follows Seungmin out.

Seungmin stands in the chilly night with a only jumper on. He's leaning on the railing, tilting his head up, shoulders slightly hunched against the cold. The sky is clear over their heads, the kind that is crisp-navy blue and should be full of stars, but the city light washes most of them away. A few faint dots manage to survive, flickering along with the streetlights and the glow from windows that never sleep.

Minho comes closer to him. He also leans on the metal railing. The cold seeps through the fabric of his sleeves and presses against his skin. Somewhere below them, a car passes, tires tearing the quietness of the night. A building across the street flickers as someone switches off a light.

"You didn't answer their question earlier."

"I was getting hot from the banters, so I came out here to cool down for a bit."

"But you heard my answer earlier, right?"

"… I didn't."

"Alright. Then ask me again, Seungmin-ah."

Seungmin just looks at him. Stares at him. He doesn't say anything, but his Adam's apple keeps bobbing up and down, as if the quiet of the night has been compacted into a lump and pressed deep down his throat.

Minho also looks at him. Watches him closely. Minho regrets that he hasn't hugged him more, so he can remember the feeling when he has Seungmin's frame draping over his body. He regrets that he hasn't touched Seungmin's face more, so he can memorise all of his emotions and how they form valleys and hills on their owner's flesh and skin. He regrets, because maybe he won't have another chance to do that after tonight.

"Let me ask you then. Hypothetically saying, what will you do if i choose to love you?"

"Hypothetically?" Seungmin breaks their eyes contact and turns away. He smiles at the sky. "My heart will jump in happiness, I will ask you to be mine, and later at night I will giggle and kick my feet in the air before I go to sleep."

The way his eyes don't hold any light and his smile vacant send a sharp pain to Minho's heart. They don't reflect happiness while Seungmin is talking about it.

"How different can it be from the reality?"

"In reality, I'll be sad, hyung. I'll be sad because I can't do the same as the Kim Seungmin in hypothetical world can."

Minho knows he can't understand all the twists and turns in Seungmin's heart if Seungmin doesn't say it out loud. He still can't, even when Seungmin has said it out loud.

"Can I at least know why?"

"Don't get me wrong, hyung. I love you in both of those worlds. I've been loving you for so long and I'll keep loving you." He smiles to himself. "Hyung, if we still meet each other in our next life, will you still choose to love me? Will you be mine, then?"

In this life, Minho chooses to love Seungmin. Seungmin loves him, but he is trying to walk away from it.

"Why not this life, Seungmin-ah?"

"Because I want to give you all the best, to spoil you in comfort, to pamper you." He said. "I want to bring you out for fine dining every week, not once every other month. I want to get you that recording set, but right now I can't. I've seen you shining, thriving in the best. You deserve all the best, hyung, and I'm not one of them."

Seungmin has to pause to even out his breath.

"I might be, one day, I can give you all of that one day, but then you'd have to wait. I don't want to waste anymore of your time, hyung. I've made you waited for nine years."

The knowledge of understanding Seungmin's heart offers Minho no relief. It only sharpens the pain.

"I haven't done anything for you since I came back, yet I already made you to wait for me. Every single one of our Friday night. And I know you are already busy enough. It's not fair for you, hyung."

"But Seungmin-ah." Minho hears himself sniffling. "But I'm not going to be your trophy husband. Or a househusband, for all that matter."

There is something wet rolling on his cheeks. Minho feels cold, but his blood is hotter than ever.

He turns Seungmin's body around, cupping his jaw, and forces him to look into his eyes. His voice is surprisingly stable.

"So don't waste anymore of my time. I don't care for the best Kim Seungmin or a not-yet-the-best one, I just want my Kim Seungmin."

Seungmin lowers his head. His jaw tightens, then loosens, then tightens again. His lips pressed thin, his brows knit, and he hides his answer for Minho behind his eyelids. It just takes some deep breaths - but to Minho it feels like it was long enough for the universe to be born, then explode, then be reborn - for Seungmin's forehead to come to rest on Minho's. His glassy eyes only hold the reflection of Minho in them.

"Seungmin-ah, will you have me if I choose to love you?"

Seungmin closes his eyes. He pulls Minho into his arms and tightened them. Minho lets himself sinking into Seungmin's chest like he has always belonged there. It's cold, but he can warm it back.

"Yes, hyung. I'm sorry."

"What are you even sorry for?"

His voice comes out wobbly and wet. Minho feels his heart swell two times bigger.

"For making you cry."

"I made you cry too, so that's even."

"…I didn't cry."

"Alright. Whatever you say, Kim Seungmin."