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“Ready for date night?” Sylus asks as you answer his call. Before you can reply, you hear him sniffle and clear his throat.
“Sylus, are you sick?” you ask, stopping in your tracks. You’re just about to put the dress on that Sylus bought for you the day before. “We can cancel if you want, I’ll come by with some food and medicine and we can stay in.”
He laughs through a suppressed cough, “No, no, that won’t be necessary. Besides, we already postponed the reservation twice, wouldn’t want to get on their bad side, right?”
Rolling your eyes, you hang the dress back up and grab a comfortable suit of clothes, “Right, their bad side. I’ll be over soon.”
“Really, it’s—” Sylus cuts himself off with a cough. There’s a thud on the other end of the line, and nothing but silence.
“Sylus?”
“Sylus!”
Using the key to his house, you open the door and quickly rush in. Luke and Kieran aren’t around, and calling for Mephisto gives you no response either.
“Sylus?”
“In here, kitten.”
You let out a sigh of relief as you hear him, some of the worry shaking off as you enter the kitchen. Looking around, Sylus is nowhere to be seen. You frown, peering out of the kitchen and then back in. The room was fairly clean, nothing but a jar of Green Mountain Gringo Cantina Salsa all by its lonesome on the island.
You huff, pressing your lips together and pick up the jar and turn it over to see its contents. You snort, wondering where on earth this came from. The Sylus you knew would never eat salsa out of a jar. He has a private chef for that. To make sure everything is suited to his taste. Besides, the medium spice would probably be too spicy for him, anyway.
“Jarred salsa, yeah right.”
“Easy kitten, don’t be so rough with me,” the jar said, lid flapping against the rim.
“Ah!” You drop it on the counter top and it falls over, rolling towards the edge.
”Catch me,” he says quickly.
Immediately, you dive, catching the jar of salsa just before it hits the floor, holding it in your hands, staring at it with wide eyes.
“Sylus?”
“Wow, one second later and I’d be floor salsa. Do you believe in the five second rule?” he asks, spinning in your hands so the logo faces you.
The expression of ’what the fuck’ crosses your face, staring at the jar with wide eyes. You want to ask a question—it’s on the tip of your tongue, but you just can’t comprehend it yet.
“I sense your confusion, what’s the matter?”
What’s the matter? WHAT’S THE MATTER?
“You’re… a jar?”
Jar Sylus laughs, “Not just any jar, kitten. Green Mountain Gringo Cantina Salsa. Medium, unfortunately.”
“... Yeah,” you nod slowly, pulling yourself to your feet and set him down on the counter again. “Ironic, that you’re a spicy… salsa.” You clear your throat, trying to find some normalcy in what you just said. “What happened?”
Jar Sylus waddles away, tilting himself with each step to stay steady. “Well I don’t know, I just started feeling ill and then suddenly I became a jar of Green Mountain Gringo Cantina Salsa. I know just as much as you do?”
“Oh, well that’s… okay, I thought someone took you out. Good thing it was nothing serious then,” you nod. Jar Sylus whips around immediately with no expression, though you can imagine the look he gives you and you want to laugh. He can see it on your face.
He sighs, turning back around and waddles away, “Well don’t just stand there, let’s get to our date. Since we have no plans, now, I suppose we can do something at home.”
You watch him move across the counter, unsure of where he’s going, then nod silently when he approaches his phone.
“That’s what you wanted right? Consider your wish come true, kitten,” he somehow unlocks his phone, going to the food app you installed sometime before.
Taking Sylus’ phone off the counter, you tuck it in your back pocket. He turns to you.
“What? I thought you wanted take-out?” he sneers, almost in disgust at the thought of it.
You shake your head and pick him up, “No, I can make something. How does nachos sound?”
The lid lifts, probably displaying Sylus’ shocked expression.
After a moment of silence, he responds. “Ha-Ha,” he laughs sarcastically, “do you think you’re funny?”
“I think I’m adora-bowl.”
Jar Sylus groans and tries to escape your hold, spinning in your hand again as you laugh.
“Just wait until I’m back to normal, I’ll deal with you accordingly, kitten. Stop laughing.”
You clear your throat again and nod, “Right, of course. I don’t want to get boss-man upset, I very much value our relation-chip.” You burst into laughter again and set him back on the counter. You lean down and poke the jar repeatedly.
Jar Sylus flinches, almost like he’s being tickled. “Are you quite done?”
“Nope, I’ve got an entire place to myself and a plethora of salsa jok—”
Red smoke emits from the jar and in an instant, Sylus is back to normal, and what you’re poking is no longer the Green Mountain Gringo Cantina Salsa Medium logo, it’s something else. Heat rises to your face and spreads down your neck.
Sylus’ hand reaches your jaw and tilts your head up to face him.
“Well, well, look who’s as red as a tomato now, kitten.”
You look up at him with wide eyes as he stares back with a squinted gaze. A nervous smile plays on your lips.
Seems like you’re in a pickle now.
Not very Wicked Bueno.