Work Text:
It was a relatively quiet day at the Mystery Shack. The work day went smoothly. Neither Bill nor the children who came in with their parents today broke any of the knick knacks. Not a dime was out of place in the register. And no strange supernatural happenings occurred today. At least, not yet, but the possibility was always there.
"Hey, Bill- can you go check on my brother and bring him down here for dinner in like 20-30 minutes?" Mabel called out to the demon, already getting to business in the kitchen.
"Sure thing, Shooting Star!" Bill saluted to her and hopped off the counter that he was lounging on and watching her from. Mayhaps he was blocking her workspace, but that doesn't matter right now. Right now, it was time to bug Pine Tree, and he hadn't seen the kid since they closed the Mystery Shack for the day.
The demon bounded upstairs, taking it two steps at a time, about to loudly announce his entrance into the male twin's bedroom when he froze with his hand on the doorknob. Was that-? His ears perked up. Indeed.
The sound of muffled crying.
Oh, someone's going to get it. No one's allowed to torment Pine Tree like that except me.
He gently knocked on the door before opening it half a second later and peeking his head inside, ready to fight off whatever it could be—
But it was only Pine Tree.
Bill hummed in consternation, shocked to find the human alone, confusion evident on the demon's face as he stepped in and closed the door behind him. Dipper didn't even look up, didn't acknowledge him one bit. He was sitting on the floor by his bed, knees pressed to his chest with his blanket drawn tight around him, his body shaking slightly from the sobs wracking through him. Bill had never seen Dipper this distressed while seemingly unprovoked. This is pitiful and awful and it somehow made him feel gross and awkward just standing there. And awkward was usually fun! But this wasn't. He didn't know what to do. He didn't even know what this was.
"Hey, kid- what happened? Who did this to you?" Bill crossed his arms over his chest, standing nearby and frowning as he waited for an answer. No real answer came. Dipper just shook his head and curled in on himself more.
"Come on, Pine Tree, you know I can handle whatever the issue is," he tried coming at this from a different angle, "Do I need to remove someone's teeth? Turn their pet inside out? Switch out all the electrical wiring in their house with wet spaghetti?" That last one had Dipper pursing his lips with a glance at the demon. Okay! That's progress! "No, but really kid, who the hell do I need to kill?"
Dipper shook his head some more, rubbing at his puffy red eyes. He clearly didn't want to talk. It also seemed like he wasn't too keen on letting Bill commit crimes against another living being either. "Well, hmm, if murder isn't going to fix things…" Bill thought for a moment, rubbing at his chin before snapping his fingers when an idea came to mind. He disappeared in a flash, returning moments later with his arms full of various plushies.
"These things always seem to cheer up Shooting Star!" He proceeded to arrange them around Dipper, smiling at him encouragingly, "I got the softest ones they had available too!" The stuffed animals were set around him like they were part of some kind of ritual circle.
Even though the human still had tears streaming down his face, he regarded each individual plushie. It was the respectable thing to do, after all. He even idly played with the ears on one of the fluffy rabbits! However, it didn't reset Dipper's demeanor like he had hoped.
Bill sighed and ran a hand through his blond hair in thought. Okay. I got this - I can fix this. There's nothing in this universe that Bill Cipher can't fix! Human emotions be damned. They won't be thwarting me anytime soon!
He teleported away again.
This time, he returned with multiple articles of clothing— mostly flannel in Dipper's preferred red and a few various other colors, draped over his shoulders. And in his hands was a stack of old looking books.
"Okay! How about these, Pine Tree?" Bill set down the pile of books next to the weepy human and pointed at them, looking ridiculous with the clothing still crowding his shoulders. "Those contain knowledge of some ancient demon mythos that are fairly unknown to your kind." The demon maybe took a bit of pride in seeing how Pine Tree's eyes widened a little as he looked at the books, though he was still sniffly and leaky eyed. Eugh.
"That not doing it for you either, huh?" He started holding up each piece of clothing he had gathered, showing each off to Dipper one by one. He tossed each one on the bed next to him before showing off the next piece until those eventually ran out. The human's tears didn't run out though. Stars, how much salt water can they leak from their stupid faces?
"Is it money? Are you worried about money?" Bill clapped his hands and a pile of gold bars appeared next to Dipper and the stack of books. "Don't tell Fez about this."
Dipper shook his head again and Bill grimaced. Having to listen to his human cry for this long was starting to get to him. He wouldn't call it worried, per se. Bill Cipher doesn't worry about people. Was he annoyed? While usually that would be the mood he'd have around most fleshbags, that didn't sound exactly right in this moment either. It was more that the situation that he was trying to fix had him annoyed rather than the human himself.
And he was starting to run out of ideas. No problem- yeah, definitely none whatsoever. There's still a few tricks up his sleeve. No murder, no revenge, no material goods, and no money. What else was there?
The blond teleported away from the room once more, his absence lasting a little longer than the prior trips. When he did come back, Dipper looked at him and the new… "gift" with furrowed brows.
Dipper also noted that Bill seemed to be catching his breath a bit. Wherever the hell he went this time must've been quite a trip. Regardless, the demon was holding his hands out next to him to present his latest attempt at cheering up the younger man.
"A pet pony! Everyone loves one of these, right?!" The demon pet the pony's side in emphasis, grinning as it approached Dipper. At least— this was intel he had gotten from Shooting Star a while back, and admittedly she was one of the local experts on spreading chaotic happiness, so he figured it couldn't hurt to try this. The human in front of him seemed to be struck speechless, which he supposed was a mild improvement on the previous situation.
The horse started nibbling on the mess of curls on Dipper's head. If he wasn't trying to make Pine Tree feel better, he would've started laughing outright. Instead, he narrowly bit all that back and watched the brunet drag both his hands over his face with some exasperated grumbling. Hmm, is an irritated Pine Tree better than a crying one? Probably, but—
Bill sighed and turned around, summoning up what he needed for his final trump card. When he was back to facing Dipper, there was a bouquet of flowers in his hands. He crouched down to be at the same level as the other, looking into his eyes a bit apprehensively and speaking softly, "You gotta help me out here, kid. I'm trying to help and I'm running out of things to give you. Ugh, just-. Don't get used to this kind of stuff, Pine Tree, but - did I do something to cause all…this? 'Cause if so, then I'm sorry." He held the flowers out to the human, looking away as he spoke the last few words.
Dipper took a long and quiet look at Bill and the flowers, his cheeks dusted with a subtle pink. He sighed loudly and cleared his throat, before finally piping up for the first time since Bill entered the room. He couldn't help the exasperation leaking into his voice, which came out in a bit of a yell, "Bill, just- fuck, just HOLD ME, goddammit!"
The demon blinked at him, his mouth making a solid "Oh." He looked at Pine Tree's flushed cheeks and at the gifts surrounding him, realization dawning on him. Ohhh. Bill cleared his own throat and snapped away the gifts and the pony to a different section of the house. Shooting Star would certainly be excited.
He sat on the floor by Dipper and carefully helped the human settle into his lap, his arms now cradled around him. "Well, well, well— I guess the solution was here all along. Shoulda said something sooner, Pine Tree," Bill gave him a gentle squeeze as Dipper buried his face into Bill's shirt.
"Wasn't feeling good and didn't wanna talk," Dipper mumbled into the fabric. The blond nodded as he stroked a hand up and down the other's back. Participating in these kinds of gestures was still fairly new to the demon, but he knew it provided comfort. He just didn't think this was what the human wanted and needed to help with the issue at hand.
"Still learning the ropes here, kid. Hmm, how 'bout next time you're feeling like this, you give me some kinda signal that this is what you want? Grabby hands or something?" Bill chuckled softly at his suggestion, the brunet nodding and gently tugging on the front of Bill's shirt in acknowledgment.
"Did you wanna talk about things now, though?"
Dipper shook his head, sniffling and turning to look up at the demon. He'd quieted down a bit and stopped actively crying after being held for some time. He was certain he looked like absolute shit, but there was a hint of fondness in the demon's gaze as he looked down at him that nearly had Dipper on the verge of tears again. "Maybe later…if that's okay with you?"
As much as Bill wanted to know now what the huge upset was about, he glanced down at this fragile little being that he called his human and hummed in agreement. No point in getting the waterworks started again. Besides, Mabel was probably expecting them to show up for dinner any moment now.
"Let's head downstairs before your sister thinks I've done something worthy of getting shot at with that contraption of hers again," Bill scrunched his face up in disdain before standing up, keeping Dipper gathered up in his arms and carrying him bridal style towards the bedroom door.
"Bill, come on, my legs still work!" Dipper was smiling now and kicking his legs lightly to prove his point.
"I don't knooow, Pine Tree - are you aware of how much water you lost today?" Bill was grinning right back at him, "Gotta replenish some of those reserves before I let you out of my sight!"
When they finally made it to the kitchen, Mabel had raised a brow at them. However, the same look was mirrored on her twin's face as he took in the scene in the kitchen.
The pony from earlier was eating some oats out of a big bowl set on the counter, small ribbons and clips now decorating its mane along with a tiny chef hat that was strapped against one ear. "Thanks for the sous chef, Bill! This is Señor Nibbles!" Mabel spoke proudly of her new companion, the horse responding with a loud contented snort.
Bill burst out into laughter at this, struggling slightly to set Dipper down in one of the chairs at the table. They all shared some giggles over the situation. Of course Mabel had bonded with the pony already.
That wasn't the only thing to stare at though.
At the center of the table was quite the set up for dinner. On top of a couple of baking trays lined with foil was a literal mountain of mashed potatoes, decorated with broccoli trees and rivers of brown gravy. At the foot of the potato mountain was a gravy pool, surrounded by dinosaur nuggets like they were at a watering hole. Dinosaurs were spread around in various situations— including little family groupings, dinos that were "eating" at the broccoli trees, and there were even some bigger dinosaurs chasing after smaller ones for their next meals.
Mabel beamed at the impressed looks on the faces of the two men. She planted her hands on her hips, nodding decisively as she announced, "Now, let's show these dinos an extinction event they didn't see coming!"