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Ze was a man who hid his heart behind many walls, under a lock with the key long thrown away. He had learned very early on throughout his life that he would never be anyone’s chosen. He made friends as a kid, sure, but they always dropped him at the earliest convenience.
Ze knew he wasn’t easy to get along with. He knew he was unlikable. He’d had anger issues for as long as he could remember, preferring to hide his hurts behind insults. He would rather drive people away than give them the chance to abandon him all over again. He would rather allow the people around him to believe that he was heartless, that he was indifferent, than to ever show just how vulnerable he truly was.
It was no surprise, then, that Ze had always despised his wings.
To Ze, they were the worst part of him. His wings were always expressive in ways Ze was not. If Ze was barking insults at a friend who’d ditched him, his wings would sag behind him mournfully instead of bristling in aggression. If Ze had been flustered, his wings would fluff up in the softest of ways, which Ze could not afford. They were a clear giveaway to his heart, to his vulnerability.
Ze could hardly even stand to look at them in the mirror, on occasion, when he was changing his clothing and caught a glimpse of the white and black feathers. The mere sight of them made him sick, made him feel that all too welcome anger and hatred for himself. They were a physical marker of everything he hated about himself. He hated that he could not be indifferent; he hated that he felt so deeply.
So, Ze had hidden his wings. He had kept them underneath his hoodie, away from prying eyes that might use them against him. He kept them bound close to his body with gauze, tight enough that it would occasionally restrain his movement. Over time, though, he had learned to adapt to the deadweight of his wings and how to move smoothly with them, no longer providing him extra balance.
He had lived this way for years, wings bound, and heart unknown. Just the way he wanted it.
Until he met Regect. The cocky entity that Ze swore he hated, but, as his words always have been, it was a deflection from the truth. Ze found Regect infuriating, yes, but amusing too. Regect made Ze lose his temper, constantly pranking him and insulting him, and yet when Ze snapped back, Regect never ran. He had laughed. He had found Ze’s insults, his anger, funny. He had stayed.
Ze hadn’t known what to do with that. He was used to his anger driving people off, so when Regect stayed, Ze had been at a loss. All he knew was that for the first time in a long time, he could feel his wings trying to fluff up, flustered of all things, underneath the binds.
It continued that way ever since Regect forced his way into Ze’s life and became his roommate. Ze didn’t allow himself to become too comfortable, however, too used to being left behind to trust that Regect wouldn’t do the same.
Ze would never admit it to anyone, but he was beyond relieved to have been proven wrong.
It hadn’t happened overnight, of course. It was a gradual buildup of trust. Times Ze expected Regect to leave and never return, finally realizing Ze wasn’t worth the trouble. Yet, every time Ze felt the dread creeping up, believing this time was the last, Regect would always return.
The first time was the worst. They hadn’t known each other too well, still figuring out each other’s boundaries. At this point, Ze was still suspicious of the entity, unsure of his motives.
Regect was clumsy. This was something Ze had noticed from the beginning. Be it falling down the stairs, jumping off a cliff, or slipping down a ravine, the entity never seemed to be able to watch his step.
Ze had needed to go mining, preferably for diamonds, seeing as Regect kept gambling away their stash. He had planned to go alone, leaving Regect at home. However, Reject had loudly complained about that. He had practically begged Ze to take him with him, saying he’d ‘die of boredom’ if he were left alone.
So, reluctantly, Ze had agreed, which led them to where they were now.
Ze hadn’t been paying too much attention to Regect, instead preferring to try to ignore the annoying entity to pay more attention to the stone below him. He could feel how hot the stone was and knew that underneath and around it was lava. He could see the bright orange light reflecting on the stone from the lava below. He knew that a single misstep could be deadly here, and he was not keen on dying and losing all of his hard-earned ores.
Ze felt it before he even processed what happened. Clawed hands grabbed his shoulder, harshly, panicked. Ze’s body jolted as he suddenly had to hold himself and the entity behind him up, who had almost tripped and fallen into the lava and was now using Ze as a rail to stabilize himself. The weight caused Ze’s body to tense, wincing softly in pain as his wings tensed with him, fighting desperately against the binds to fluff in fear. The wings couldn’t break free; Ze made sure of that years ago, and so the feathers were rubbed raw on the gauze bindings.
Ze was too busy schooling his expression, fighting down the pain he felt, instead resorting to the comfort of anger, that he almost missed Regect’s words.
“Oops,” The entity said, his deep voice grating and annoying, yet he had undertones of being genuinely apologetic. “I panicked.”
“You fucking asshole,” Ze hissed, his eyes narrowing into a glare as he looked at the entity. He knew, realistically, he was overreacting. To Ze, this was much more than just being held on to, it was nearly a giveaway to his wings. Ze knew that if Regect’s hand had been just a little lower, he would have felt the outline of the cursed wings below his hoodie. That was what terrified Ze.
“No need to be so rude, dick.” Regect huffed, his tail flicking in annoyance behind him. “It was an accident, I didn’t mean it.”
Ze felt his blood boil. Regect didn’t understand; he couldn’t. He didn’t know what Ze was hiding. Ze couldn’t give him the chance to find out. “Fucking fall next time.”
Regect scoffed, tail flicking harsher behind him, reminding Ze of a particularly furious cat. “I don’t know why I hang out with you.”
It was said quietly, out of anger, yet Ze felt his throat constrict. He suddenly found it harder to breathe as he swallowed down the lump in his throat. His wings trembled desperately at his back, heart dully throbbing in pain. Yet, Ze kept his head up, expression schooled, even as the dread crept up. Even as he feared Regect would turn and leave. He watched as the entity backed up from him, body still tense. He watched as Regect turned, starting to leave towards the tunnel they had come through.
He held his breath as Regect suddenly stopped, turning around. “Aren’t you coming? This cave’s no good. One of us is going to end up falling in and losing shit, and I am not spending another twelve hours in these damn mines.”
Ze would never, never admit that his body had eased, his wings relaxing, and his heart filled with a fond warmth as he slowly made his way towards the entity, who waited until Ze was right next to him to continue moving forward through the tunnel.
Ze hadn’t really known what it was like to be known by others. Not in a very long time. He was used to his past friends forgetting things he had said he enjoyed. What he wasn’t used to was finally having someone who remembered.
Ze was having a depressive episode that was making it particularly hard to get out of bed, leaving him stuck in his room with the blinds tightly shut. It was dark, even though Ze knew it was some time during the day. Part of him felt guilty that Regect and Moe had to put up with him. That he became useless, weak these days. He could dully feel his wings sag on the bed behind him, covered by the blankets and still kept bound.
Ze decided he would just try to sleep it off. He reasoned that when he got up next, he would be able to go downstairs to greet Regect and Moe. So, he closed his eyes, forcing himself to think of nothing until he eventually managed to fall back to sleep.
What he hadn’t expected was for Regect to have noticed his depressive episodes, despite how hard he had tried to hide them. He hadn’t expected Regect to care.
Yet, when Ze awoke next, a bag that hadn’t been there on his nightstand before caught his attention. He forced himself to sit up, noticing a sticky note on his nightstand right by the bag.
‘We’ll be waiting,’ was written on it. Ze knew from the handwriting that this was Regect’s work. He felt his eyes get hot and a lump form in his throat at the words, his wings relaxing and gently fluffing up behind him. He opened the bag, spotting vegetable tempura, his favorite food, inside it.
Ze felt so seen, and for once, it didn’t seem like such a threat.
After that, Ze had decided that since Regect had earned Ze’s trust, he deserved to know just how much Ze trusted him. Just how much Regect meant to him that he would allow him to truly know Ze.
It was a quiet night, as everyone was tired after the events of the day and the chaos they’d inevitably caused. Moe had already gone to sleep, and Regect was lying on the couch watching their TV. Ze knew the entity would be awake for a while longer, as he noticed Regect always preferred staying up later to ensure Moe and Ze were asleep and safe, before he even thought of trying to sleep.
Ze looked at himself in his mirror, his hoodie off. He could see the white wings with their black-tipped feathers behind his back. For a moment, he felt disgust, before the emotion smoothed out into another one. Acceptance.
Ze hated being vulnerable; that was always going to be true in some capacity, but he found that he didn’t need to be afraid of it anymore. He could be vulnerable and be loved. He could trust Regect and Moe to stay by him. He didn’t have to like being vulnerable, but he had learned that he no longer had to hide it.
So, he slowly lowered his hands toward the gauze bindings, keeping his wings trapped uncomfortably against his back. With gentle hands, he undid the bindings, finally letting his wings go free after years.
There was obviously damage. They were scarred and filthy from the lack of preening over the years, but they were still Ze’s. He could still make out the stripes his wings had always had.
Ze took a breath, taking one last look at himself in the mirror before he began to slowly make his way downstairs, towards the couch. He could tell when Regect noticed, because he saw the entity do a double-take at him, obviously shocked at what he was seeing. Ze said nothing, just took a small breath, gathering courage, before he lay down on top of Regect like a weighted blanket, one wing resting on the back of the couch while the other lay on the floor.
He felt Regect hold his breath before letting it go, one of his clawed hands coming up to gently feel the scars on Ze’s wings.
“Idiot,” Regect said from above him, voice soft with no real heat behind his words. “You never had to hide them from us.”
Regect didn’t have water, so he couldn’t clean the dirt off of Ze’s wings, but he did his best with his hands. Ever so gently, he started to preen Ze’s wings, taking his time to savor the moment. Ze closed his eyes, head resting on Regect’s chest, relishing in the feeling of those clawed hands running through every single feather with care. He felt content, loved, and cared for all at once. Combined with the warmth radiating off the entity, Ze felt sleep beckoning him.
He knew he was safe here, with his wings in the clawed hands of Regect. He knew no matter how his wings fluffed, twitched, or trembled with his emotions, Regect would never turn him away or use them against him.
“I know that, now,” Ze said, raw emotion in his voice, in his exhaustion. His truest self lay bare for Regect to see.
Ze knew he wouldn’t be left behind to be forgotten again, unseen and unimportant. Not while Regect was around.