Chapter Text
Joel wakes up and immediately wishes he didn't. Which isn't anything new, but the pain spread all over his body is.
He groans and tries to sit up, but even the small movement causes waves of nausea and dizziness to curse through his body. He doesn't understand how it's possible for his head to spin while he's lying down, but here he is. First time for everything, he supposes.
"Oh god, are you awake for real this time?" A voice that sounds like Tommy comes from his right and Joel winces at the volume of it. This is rapidly starting to feel like the worst hangover of his life, times ten.
Joel lifts his hand to rub at his eyes and finds something weighing his whole arm down. He blinks and when his eyes finally focus, he discovers that there's a stark white cast covering his whole left arm and left leg. Jesus, he's been awake for a minute and he already has a feeling this is turning out to be a really shitty day.
Tommy puts his hand on Joel's chest and pushes him into the pillows, with almost no effort. How embarrassing. "Don't move, you old fool."
Joel scowls and lets out a breath. He can't believe how such a small movement managed to wind him up this much. He's getting older, there's no denying that, but he's definitely not that old.
"What-" Joel tries to say and finds his throat is drier than the Saraha desert. Reflexively he coughs to clear it, which in turn sends stabbing hot pain radiating from his ribs. No, this is definitely the worst day he's had, in a few years at least.
Tommy thrusts a cup in front of his face. It has a plastic straw. "Here."
"I'm not-" Joel tries again which only ends up in another coughing fit.
"Jesus, can you be reasonable for once in your goddamn life?" Tommy snaps and forcibly sticks the straw into his mouth. If he didn't feel like he's been hit by a train and stabbed clean through with a metal rod afterwards, Joel would spit it out and give his idiot brother a piece of his mind but as it is, Joel has to make do with glaring daggers while sipping the tepid water. It does wonders for his throat but hell will freeze over before he admits that to Tommy. Who, Joel now notices, looks like he could use a nap in a hospital as well.
"What happened?" Joel asks. His voice is scratchy as fuck but at least he got the whole sentence out, which is progress. He'll be out of here in no time.
Tommy heavily sits down and he’s quiet for a moment, just looking at him with bloodshot eyes. "You don't remember?"
It's pretty hard to think with the pain clouding his mind. Tommy looks very similar to the last time Joel ended up in a hospital but he doesn't think that's fair, considering that whatever it was that happened, it wasn't Joel's doing, he knows that much. He wouldn't do that, not after what he promised. Not again.
"The guys from your crew said that you weren't paying attention. That you were distracted the whole day. Took a tumble from the second floor. Hit yourself pretty bad on your way down."
Joel doesn't remember that. The last thing he knows with clarity is his phone call with Tommy. Being upset, shouting, when he heard-
"They had to operate on you, had to put metal rods in your leg. You were out of it for four days. The doctors said you hit your head pretty hard, that it was normal to be unconscious for so long with that kind of injury but I still..." Tommy makes sort of a choking sound, covering his face with his hands. It's almost more painful to see it than his fucked up body. "Maria came by but I told her to stay home for now. She shouldn't get stressed, not with-"
"Get out."
Tommy lifts his head. His mouth hanging wide open and his disbelieving expression would almost be funny, if it were a different situation.
"What?"
"Get out," Joel presses out through clenched teeth.
"You can't be serious, you just-"
"I said get-"
"No!" Tommy shouts, rising quickly. The cheap plastic chair tumbles to the ground with a loud clatter. "My brother almost died, again. I had to get the call, I had to watch you comatose for several days, I was scared shitless and you still have to act like a jerk? Are you fucking kidding me? I know it's hard for you, Joel, it's hard for me too, but it's been twenty years-"
The door to the room opens and a stern looking nurse comes inside. "What's going on here?"
"Get out! Get the fuck out!" Joel roars like a lunatic, his heart beating like it wants to escape his chest. He's fuming and if he wasn't trapped in his fucking bed, he would be taking a swing at Tommy right about now. How dare he?
The nurse pushes Tommy towards the door. "Sir, I have to ask you to leave."
"You can't be serious."
"Get out." Joel tries his best to get out of the bed, the surge of adrenalin managing to lift him upward a little bit, until there are hands on his chest and after a single pinprick to his arm, there is only blackness.
-
Joel would like to say that he tries to fight his way into leaving to go home as soon as possible, but even with the panic attack which is brought on by the distinct hospital smell, he has to admit that there's not much one can do with half of his body in a cast and with two broken ribs on top of that. If he sees Tommy in ten years, after the stunt he pulled, it will be too soon, and he refuses to hire anyone to help him around the house, which doesn’t leave any other option than to just suffer in this godforsaken hospital bed.
The one good thing about the place, the only good thing if you ask Joel, are the numbing meds.
Whatever it was they give him makes Joel sleep for what feels like several days straight and he only wakes up long enough to get a scolding about moving around too much and pulling the stitches in his side.
His sparse waking moments are all filled with pain and blurry images of nurses bustling around him, checking his temperature, blood pressure and just generally poking and prodding him. He has no idea how they know when he wakes up and he swears all the medical staff have some freakish mind-reading abilities because there isn't a moment he gets for some damn privacy without someone fussing with his bandages or checking his IV. His nerves are so frayed with pain and dizziness he thinks he would cuss them all out on the first day, and effectively get himself kicked out, if they didn't continue to give him the mind numbing stuff.
He can power through and hold his tongue, as long as they give it to him.
He hopes he can just sleep through the rest of his stay. Waking up weeks from now finding himself all healed and headed out sounds amazing right now.
It's been a long time since he's lost any hope for his miserable life, but maybe this time it will actually work in his favor for once.
When he wakes up to the sound of voices and sees a strange woman with a kid he’s never seen before in his room, he knows immediately he's got no such luck.
"Oh, you're awake, great!" says a voice that is way too cheerful for the situation, if you ask Joel. He recognizes her as the one nurse who always pats his uninjured shoulder and gives him a smile that he just knows is supposed to be encouraging. She's still young, looks like she’s fresh from college. She will stop having these tendencies when she's working here for longer, Joel thinks darkly.
And yeah, the presence of so many people in Joel’s room, people he doesn’t want to see, is making him grumpier than usual. Sue him.
"I'm surprised. You looked like you were dead," the kid says and Joel clenches his teeth. There's a little girl in his room and just the look of her has Joel deciding he's had enough.
"What is this child doing here?"
The kid puffs her chest out and objects, "Hey! I'm fourteen, I'm not a child." Which just proves Joel's point.
"You're a child and you have no point in being here, so get lost." Joel closes his eyes and settles back in the pillows, sure that the kid will leave now that he's said his part.
"Yeah and you have no point in being here as well. The museum is on the other side of town, you... you... old shrivelled dinosaur!"
Joel turns back to her again and inhales to give the brat a piece of his mind when the nurse lets out a laugh. The look on her face suggests that she thinks this interaction is the cutest and funniest thing she has ever seen. Joel knows that look and doesn't care for it one bit, so he glares at her instead, which she easily ignores.
"I see you’ll get along well, that's nice to see,” the woman says with a wry smile. “Mr. Miller, this is Ellie, she will be keeping you company for the next couple of weeks."
Joel chokes on his spit. "What? No way, get her outta here, I got no interest in babysittin' some snot-nosed brat."
"I don't want to be present in your old person smell either, asshole!"
Jesus. Do all kids talk like this these days? He would have no way of knowing, of course, but this seems a little too extreme. Not that he cares, she will be gone soon enough.
"Ellie." The woman frowns at her and then turns to Joel. "Mr. Miller, I think we all got off on the wrong foot. Let me explain the situation."
Joel scoffs. No explanation of hers ain't gonna change his mind.
"My name is Marlene and I’m in charge of a summer volunteering program for foster kids, which Ellie here is going to be a part of. It allows foster kids to gather real world experience which will help them when they get older and have to stand on their own feet. It's sort of like an after school extra curricular activity, just for a few short weeks over the summer, since they can’t be left at home alone."
The kid scoffs at that. She clearly doesn’t agree with the whole volunteering thing, but it’s not like he gives a single fuck.
Yeah, Joel ain't going to be swayed by the whole sob story involving a foster kid. It sucks to be her, or whatever, but this is the real world this Marlene person is talking about. Being dealt some shitty cards and having to deal with it is basically the elementary human experience.
At least this kid is still alive, he thinks and immediately feels sick and disgusted by himself for it.
"I've heard you will stay here for quite some time and that a little company wouldn't hurt you."
It takes Joel a few seconds to center himself in his surroundings again and to realize that Marlene is still talking to him.
"I'm just fine by myself, you don't gotta worry," he says and feels a pang of annoyance that apparently the nurses have been talking about him behind his back.
"I've heard the opposite, but that's not important right now. You are currently the only suitable option and as I've said already, it would only be for a few weeks. Ellie would come here in the afternoon and keep you company, help you with some of the easy tasks like fetching you things. It could be beneficial for both of you."
The kid miraculously stays silent for once, but she’s still scowling at him like she disagrees with that statement. Well, that makes the two of them.
"Pass."
"Mr. Miller-"
"I said pass."
They all glare at each other in tense silence before Marlene sighs loudly.
"Very well. Sorry for interrupting your day, we'll leave you alone as you wish. Get well soon," Marlene says but her face says otherwise. Tough luck ‘cause Joel doesn't give a shit.
Marlene puts her hand on the girl's shoulder who tenses just slightest bit.
"Ellie, it seems like pastor David's church it is."
Joel doesn't give a rat's ass about some foster kid. In fact, all kids can just go their merry way. He's the happiest when they ignore him so he can ignore them right back. If he ever had any heart, it was buried long ago with the one he cherished the most in the world. The only reason he is still on this godforsaken Earth is the promise he made. He is still here, still going, but barely surviving.
Joel doesn't care about anyone or anything, but... But despite himself, he sees something he wishes he didn't.
Before the kid turns away, he catches a look of fear on her face. Panic, if he wants to be exact. Joel has no idea who this pastor David is, but the girl is clearly afraid of him.
Joel doesn't care about anyone, but if there's one thing that should never be on a kid's face, it's fear. He's spent months that felt like years seeing it everyday, which he can never forget no matter how long he’s alive. It's still haunting him every night in his dreams and seeing it again in real life feels like a punch to his already sore stomach.
"Wait." The word slips out of him before he can make a conscious decision to say it. It's not his job to protect this kid. There are thousands of foster kids all around the world and he couldn't save them all even if he tried, so he doesn't know what he's doing. He just knows that no matter what, he can't bear to see the wide eyes and tense little forehead. He can't see it and let it be, knowing he could wipe it away.
Marlene looks at him over her shoulder. "Yes?"
Joel and the girl stare at each other. Him with his heart pounding in his throat and her with a cautious hope in her eyes. Her knuckles are white where she's clutching the straps of her backpack.
"You gotta be quiet, I don't want no ruckus in here," he says gruffly and the girl visibly perks up. "Think you can do that?"
"Yes, absolutely!" She salutes him. "Sir."
Joel sighs loudly. He just hopes he won't regret it.
-
Miracle of all miracles, the kid stays silent. Joel is worried that once Marlene leaves and she is safe, she’ll be as annoying as he suspects her of being but to his pleasant surprise, she takes out what appears to be a comic book out of her ratty backpack, settles into one of the uncomfortable looking plastic chairs and spends the rest of the afternoon with her nose in the pages.
It slowly quells his initial panic after having agreed to something he doesn't really want. Maybe she will just come here, sit in silence and then leave the same as she does the first day, the only words she utters a simple ‘Goodbye’ thrown over her shoulder. He saw her earlier watching him warily over the top of her comic and he felt a headache coming at the base of his skull at the thought of having to interact with her, but he determinedly kept his gaze pointed away and she eventually took the hint and returned to her reading. Joel certainly did not notice her shoulders lose tension and slowly lower from her ears. He did not.
Maybe he will be lucky for once and the kid will behave herself, he thinks now as he looks out of the window. There is her backpack with its little pink charm swinging back and forth, which matches the swish of her ponytail as she marches across the hospital parking lot towards the bus station. But Joel isn't looking at her, he is observing the building across the road. That's what he's doing, judging the sloppy job on the drywall he can see all the way from his bed.
They can't all be good contractors, he supposes.
-
"What happened to you?"
Joel startles slightly, rousing from resting his eyes. Because he is a grown adult and nearly finished healing and so he definitely doesn't need to nap during the day.
It's been a few days since the kid first set foot in his room, which he doesn't have to share with anyone, thank the god he doesn't believe in existing.
Or didn't have to share with anyone, he thinks wryly and looks at the girl. So far she's always been quiet during her visits, so much so that he had a thought that she must get bored eventually. Even he doesn't want to be in his own company, let alone a teenage kid who certainly has better things to do in her free time than to sit and look at his sorry ass stuck in a hospital bed. He guesses three days is the limit for this particular teenager.
"I was being nosy and took a beating for it. You should watch out so you don't end up like me."
The kid huffs and crosses her arms. "You can't even stand up to beat me, so I can be as nosy as I want." There’s a moment of silence before she continues. “You know, last night I heard about a guy whose whole left side was cut off.”
Joel frowns, glancing furtively down at the casts on his left arm and leg. What is she-
“It’s okay, he’s all right now,” she finishes and snickers to herself.
Joel just stares at her blankly. Being silent usually worked on Tommy, whenever he made up his mind that today was the perfect day to drive Joel up the wall. Usually being the key word here.
"You’re such a grump,” she says with a groan. “But come on, man, you can tell me what happened! I can keep a secret," she sing-songs.
Joel heaves a big sigh.
She narrows her eyes and looks closer at his casts. "What, is it something embarrassing?" she asks and leans forward, the look on her face suggesting that she is delighted by the idea. "Like you fell down the stairs or something?"
"I didn't fall down any stairs," Joel grumbles. Over his cold dead body would he admit to this brat that he actually did fall down the stairs at the site, because it wasn't like anything she is imagining. Some dumbass left his toolbox at the worst possible place and he was distracted by his call with Tommy. Anyone would trip over it.
Not that he would be explaining any of that.
The kid laughs loudly and slaps her knee. "You totally did!"
"I did not."
"Yes, you did!"
"I did no-" Joel stops himself and huffs a frustrated breath. This is going nowhere and moreover, he is the adult here. It's his job to be the smarter one and not to argue with a little kid.
It's easier said than done when the gleeful smile stays firmly on her face for the rest of the afternoon.
-
Joel has never been prone to getting sick, that was more of Tommy's speciality growing up, but when he did catch something, it always left him useless for several days.
His usual way of dealing with it was to drink herbal tea by gallons and to chuck anti-cough medicine like there was no tomorrow and to hope he didn't die, but there was one time when a nasty flu got a hold of him so good he could barely get out of bed. He was planning on going to work as usual anyway; he was a single father and his little girl was growing like a weed and there never seemed to be enough money. However, his plan was ruined when Tommy came by that morning, catching him in the act of cutting up an onion to put into a pot of honey, a recipe for illness the old Mrs. Adler from next door swore her life on, and almost hacking up a lung.
Joel normally didn't have any trouble dealing with Tommy but when the little punk ganged up on him with Sarah, both of them standing there with crossed arms and matching serious frowns, he had to admit defeat and he was promptly deposited on a pulled out couch with every blanket in the house piled on top of him.
He and Sarah spent the next three days napping and watching every princess movie on the DVD they had. The whole time Joel's head felt like it would explode and trying to breathe through his congested nose was a pain in the ass, but he can't deny that spending uninterrupted time only with his girl is still his favourite memory to this day.
Sarah took her role as his caretaker very seriously, obviously delighted at being the one in charge for once. The first day he woke up to find she dug his only white button-up from his closet and stuck a small piece of paper with 'Dr. Sarah' written on it in her glittery pens, a butterfly sticker on top. During the day, she periodically changed the wet cloth on his forehead and checked his temperature with little tutting sounds. She didn't know what the numbers on the thermometer meant, not really, but the little concentrated furrow between her brows was so cute Joel's heart felt like it would burst.
Joel fully recovered in a few days, but it didn't matter in the end. He didn't care about himself when a few short years later his baby got sick and wasn't granted the same luxury.
-
Joel's cranky the next day, more than usual. The doctors decide it's time to start wearing him off the pain medication and his whole body hurts like a bitch. The near constant flow of nurses checking his bandages and IV, starting at an ungodly hour in the morning when it's still dark out makes him unable to sleep for more than a few hours at a time and it’s starting to show on Joel's mood.
He's sick of just laying around all day unable to do anything, sick of this whole hospital, sick of his own company.
And of course, that's when the annoying kid arrives.
"You're still alive. Great news," she says in a chipper voice of someone who doesn't have to have her own ass wiped by someone else.
Joel doesn't even bother to grunt, instead he resolutely looks out the window at the parking lot he could draw from memory by now.
"Somebody's in a mood," she mutters at his lack of response and plops down in the plastic chair. "You know I was thinking-"
"That's dangerous," he snarks.
"Oh haha, you're so funny. So anyway, I was thinking-"
"Seriously, I don't care, kid. You're supposed to be good company if I let you stay here, so shut your mouth and be quiet," Joel says, more harshly than he normally would, even to a kid he doesn't like.
Said kid scowls deeply. "You're such a dick! I was just trying to be nice, since it's so boring in here!"
"It would be nicer if I didn't know about you."
"If you want to rot in silence in here, then fine, I don't care."
"Great."
"Great!"
She huffs, opening her backpack and almost ripping the zipper off with the force she uses, rattling around the contents noisily before she settles with her feet on his little bedside table, her face hidden behind another one of her comics.
"Get your dirty shoes off the table."
"Or what? You gonna get up and throw me out yourself?" she sneers.
Joel glares at her and she glares back.
"Whatever."
"Whatever," she mocks him before finally, finally going silent.
Joel is seriously starting to regret ever agreeing to this.
-
He must doze off at some point because when he next opens his eyes, the sun is noticeably lower in the sky and the clock on the wall shows that it’s already late afternoon.
“You mumble in your sleep,” the girl says. “And drool.” Joel glowers and swipes his less messed up arm across his face, which is completely dry. The kid laughs manically. “Anyone ever tell you you’re easy to mess with?”
“Daddy, you’re so easy to fool!” A twinkling little voice sounds in his head.
“No,” Joel rasps. He leans forward to grab the plastic cup filled with water but the sharp pain in his ribs makes him gasp and he falls back in the pillows. He clutches his side, breathing heavily. Fuck.
“It’s sad to look at you.” The kid uncoils from her position in the chair and stands up. Joel feels a brief sense of relief that she’s leaving but she just takes the cup and waves it in front of his face. “Come on, drink it.”
“Bottoms up, Daddy!”
“Get that away from me.”
“What’s your problem? You wanted a drink, I’m giving it to you.”
“I said get that away from me!” Joel bursts out. He flails uselessly and his arm bumps into one of hers. The kid fumbles in an attempt to keep hold of the cup and half of the water spills on Joel’s chest, soaking the hospital gown. “Jesus, just get out!” he shouts.
He moves to swipe at the wet cloth and as he raises his arm, the girl flinches. The movement is small and she tries to cover it but not before Joel sees the aborted move of her arms to cover her head.
Joel freezes. The kid looks like a deer in the headlights with her wide eyes and slightly terrified expression. She recovers after several seconds and slams the cup down, which causes even more water to splash on the sheets.
“Fuck you! I’m trying to be nice but you’re just an ordinary asshole!” She grabs her pack from the floor and almost rips the door off the hinges as she throws it open.
“Wait-“
“It’s no wonder nobody ever visits you. I hope you rot in here!” And then she’s gone, only the water chilling on his skin and a guilty sense of shame the only proof she was ever there.