Chapter Text
“Hi, this is Shane Hollander,” he waved at the camera, most likely awkwardly but he wasn’t going to stop and think too much about it, “and I’m gonna be doing the Wired Autocomplete Interview.”
He pulled up the board they gave him, which was made to look like a printed Google search of his name, faced it towards the camera and angled it slightly so he could read the words on it with ease.
“Alright, first up: is Shane Hollander…” he ripped off the first layer to unveil the words underneath, “gay.”
He was warned pre-interview that a lot of the results were related to his identity (being one of the only Asian and queer men in the NHL was… a lot) and was asked if he wanted to get rid of them but he felt like most people were going to guess they had altered the results if they did that, so he told them they could keep a few of those questions in but he still wanted some unrelated ones.
“Yes, I am. Next up we have: is Shane Hollander… married to Ilya Rozanov?”
He didn’t bother hiding the smile that had crept up his face as he softly replied, “I sure am.”
Yeah, he didn’t want his whole identity to be filtered down to Ilya Rozanov’s husband but they had spent… so long hiding their relationship, their love for one another, that it just felt good to be able to talk about Ilya, talk about his husband, publicly and with clear affection.
Continuing to look down at the board, he read, “Is Shane Hollander… Asian?”
He mentally patted himself on the back for not snorting at that.
“Uh Asian-Canadian.”
For the first time since getting the board, he looked up at the camera again, “My mom was born in Montreal but her parents are from Japan. And uh- my dad and I were both born in Ottawa.”
He clicked his tongue, “Alright, number four: is Shane Hollander… the best NHL player?”
He actually laughed at that and it wasn’t his regular fake pr laugh for the cameras but instead it was a genuine laugh, which used to never escape him during interviews and other pr events back when he was still with the Montreal Metros but he had grown a lot since then and especially since being out (even if the choice had accidentally been taken from him).
Now he was more comfortable with himself, with his identity, more confident and occasionally laid back too. He was still rigid when need be but he felt a lot more natural in these pr scenarios and his family was really proud of him for that.
“Um…” he raised an eyebrow at the camera, “depends on who you ask?”
Then he smirked just a tiny bit and added, “If you ask me… well, yeah. But if you were to ask my husband… he’d definitely say himself.”
A lot of the crew members laughed at that and he was sure Ilya will too upon watching the interview, once it airs.
“Which is completely and utterly wrong but I’ll let him keep dreaming. Happy husband, happy life, right?”
That got a few more chuckles from behind the camera.
“Okay, so there’s just two more with this Is Shane Hollander format.”
He made sure to look unfazed as he read, “Is Shane Hollander captain of the Montreal Metros?”
Quickly, he answered, “Nope. Not anymore. I was, for a few years.”
(More than a few.)
“It was the team that drafted me and yeah, eventually I was made captain and won some Stanley Cups and I kept playing there until I switched to the Ottawa Centaurs where I’m one of the alternative captains but not the captain.”
To lighten up the tension, he joked, “I guess my new captain’s okay? I don’t know. I mean, he plays… alright enough but he’s kind of an asshole.”
The joke landed amazingly across the well-lit room and though he usually tried not to think about the internet and that sort of anxiety inducing stuff, a small part of him hoped it would land nicely with the fans too.
“And now we’ve got the final one,” he ripped off the last layer, “is Shane Hollander… an NHL All-Star? Apparently so, yeah. I’ve been invited to every single All-Stars game since my rookie year, same goes for my husband, so uh- yeah.”
Halfway through setting the board down, someone from the crew motioned for him to stop and… “You want me to… throw it?”
A few people nodded and he frowned, “Uh- okay?”
He didn’t like being messy so he didn’t make a big show of it but he did throw it and right after that, they handed him the next one.
“Let’s see…”
Most of the following questions were thankfully hockey related.
How many Stanley Cups did Shane Hollander win? Who drafted Shane Hollander? When was Shane Hollander drafted? What was Shane Hollander’s best season?
It got a bit repetitive but he loved hockey and spewing stats so he didn’t really care.
The final one from the unformatted list was: who is Shane Hollander’s best friend?
“Okay, out of all these questions so far, I’m not gonna lie, this is the one I’m the most surprised by? But, sure, alright. Well, Hayden Pike, fellow NHL player and my ex-teammate from the Montreal Metros, is my best friend.”
He quickly corrected himself, “I mean. I have a lot of other friends and I love them all and I’m not trying to play favourites. There’s Rose and J.J, another ex-teammate who will murder me if I forget to name him.”
Though the relationship with him still felt a bit… strained. Slowly, though, it was getting better. It wasn’t exactly getting back to normal, Shane thought that was forever out of the question now, but it was certainly getting better.
“And of course so many guys from my current team, the Ottawa Centaurs, who will also murder me if I don’t shout them out but uh- we’d be here all day if I went one by one, so…”
“Anyway, Hayden was the first real friend I ever made, if I’m being honest, so he gets the top spot. Though I did meet Ilya first but that’s a whole other can of worms,” he awkwardly chuckled.
“So, Hayden it is. Do I throw this one too or… yeah, okay.”
From the new board, he got some more hockey questions which he answered enthusiastically and easily and then, “How did Shane Hollander become so good at hockey?”
“Eh- well, lots of practice?”
He hated vague questions and wasn’t too sure on how to answer something so broad so he tried to give a few basic pointers.
“Oh! And uh- a good diet too of course. I’m on a macrobiotic one, if anyone cares. Good workout plan… all that kind of stuff. Lots of reading too, I mean, hockey books, of course. And I always tried to analyse every single game I watched even when I was a kid and I know for a fact that helped me immensely.”
Moving onto the final one for the hows, “How did Shane Hollander… what?”
He looked up at the crew and then raised an eyebrow, unimpressed, “God…” he sighed, “Ilya’s gonna have a field day with this one.”
He just hoped he wasn’t blushing.
“How did Shane Hollander pull Ilya Rozanov?”
Mentally cursing Gen Z, though he wasn’t much older than some of them considering he was born in 1991 (so maybe he had to curse Gen Alpha instead, better to curse both just in case), he sucked it up and decided to reply.
“I can’t believe people are actually googling this.”
The crew was loving it though. Shane, on the other hand? Not so much.
“Fine, I- ugh, I don’t know?” he furrowed his brows. “I went up to him, as in, that was the first time we met actually, right, so, I went up to him to tell him that he was a great player and great to watc-”
There was no way he wasn’t blushing now.
Great.
It’s not like it was a live interview but he didn’t really want to re-do the whole how section and pretend like it was his first try (he was a terrible actor) and he didn’t even know how any of that editing thing worked, so… screw it.
“Not… like that.”
The crew awwing and laughing at him was not helping at all.
“Just- it was the World Junior Ice Hockey Championship back in ‘09 in Regina and I had seen a bit of Team Russia’s practice plus I had heard about Ilya already way before that, people were pitting us against each other since before we even actually met.”
He tried to ignore the sourness that spread about at the reminder that they had never been given a chance to be… normal? Friends?
Shane had been getting informed on Ilya since before he had met him because everyone was telling him that Ilya Rozanov was the guy to watch out for if Shane truly wanted to be the number one pick… and they had been right.
“And he seemed like an interesting guy, you know, same age as me, same incredible stats, both on everyone’s roster of who would get drafted first as if it was a sure thing that it was gonna be either me or him.”
Fidgeting with the board he was still holding, he continued.
“Anyway, so, I decided I wanted to talk to him,” he shrugged. “I was leaving with my parents, who had come to see me, and I saw him outside…”
“I told them to wait up ‘cause I wanted to meet this European guy everyone was losing their minds over aaaand I just… walked up to him, introduced myself.”
After a beat, “Told him he couldn’t smoke over there and that the designated smoking area was a little up ahead. Also told him I was surprised he smoked.”
He let out a small laugh, getting more comfortable the more he spoke, “He just said okay.”
He tried to drop his voice for the okay to mock his husband.
“And he of course kept smoking,” he playfully rolled his eyes. “Then I told him that other stuff about-”
He made sure to rephrase his previous statement, “How his game was great to watch and he was a great player and we shook hands.”
Twice but that was best left unsaid.
“And all he said to that was yes,” he mocked again, then added, “and I wasn’t fishing for compliments or anything but I’d seen him watch some of our own - that is, Team Canada’s - practices so, you know, I figured he’d say some pleasantry back.”
Shaking his head, “Nope.”
A part of him was afraid he was talking too much and he didn’t want to make the editor’s life harder if they wanted to cut some of it out but the crew was giving him encouraging smiles and nods, the producer seemed especially content, so he told himself it was fine.
“To his defence, he didn’t speak a lot of English back then so I was also trying to like- talk maybe a bit slower and louder, trying not to mince my words so he could understand me easier.”
Ilya was definitely an asshole and Shane loved that about him but it wasn’t fair to tell the story without reminding everyone of the language barrier that had existed between them back then.
Shane’s Russian was not… great yet but he’d get there one day and Ilya’s own English had improved tremendously.
“I asked about some other casual stuff and got very stiff replies.”
There was no way he was going to mention that he had asked Ilya if his family had been able to make the trip to see him play.
“Finally, I’m like… okayyy, this is incredibly awkward,” he chuckled, “in my head! Obviously. I didn’t say it out loud but yeah, it was kinda awkward so I just said I had to leave and that it was nice to meet him and as I’m walking away?”
“He actually speaks,” he laughs. “Not just a one word reply. No, an actual sentence. And then I left.”
It was the first time during the whole interview so far that the producer spoke to him while the camera was rolling, “And what did he say?”
Swivelling his head towards her, “Sorry?”
“Ilya,” she spoke louder this time, “what did he say?”
“Oh,” he rolled his eyes again, “you won’t be so nice when we beat you. To which I chirped back but… he did go on to beat me.”
Still looking at the crew, “So fucking annoying, right? Oh shit, sorry, uh- just censor that out, I guess.”
Throwing the board aside and grabbing the next one, he finished his long-winded answer, “So… to sum it all up...”
“I… basically just… talked to him. Told him not to smoke outside the smoking area and paid him a few hockey based compliments. That’s it. That’s how I pulled him. Can’t say it was all that hard,” he snorted.
“Oh is this the last one?”
The producer nodded at him, “Yeah, last one.”
“Perfect.”
He ripped off the first layer, “Did Shane Hollander date Rose Landry?”
He sighed, “Yes, yes I did. And she’s great and I love her, I mentioned her before when talking about my friends but let’s just say we’re much better off as friends rather than partners, what with the whole… you know… me being gay and her being a woman thing.”
Slightly furrowing his brows from confusion or perhaps surprise, more than anything, he said, “We only dated for like two seconds and it’s been a few years now so I’m actually surprised people still remember or seem to care about it? I guess ‘cause we still hang out…”
“Again, she’s great! Like, for real. And she was the first person I came out to. Though, technically, she…” he laughed and rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand, “she kinda came out for me? Like, she told me I was gay… kind of. It’s hard to explain.”
Chuckling, “It’s really funny looking back at it now. Probably really embarrassing for me to admit but I don’t really care, I treasure that conversation a lot even now. Probably wouldn’t be with Ilya now if she hadn’t made me face myself and if she hadn’t done it so kindly and gently too…”
Nodding once, “Yeah, I owe her a lot.”
Clearing his throat, he ripped off the second layer and immediately jumped onto the next question which was another softball since it was about his Olympic games.
There was surprisingly a question about one of his sponsors and he wondered if maybe they were sponsors of Wired too? He was somewhat confused on that front and he felt like a salesman replying but he obviously answered that yes, he was proud to be their ambassador and so on and so forth.
Eventually, it got a bit personal again.
“Why did Shane Hollander fight Scott Hunter?”
He groaned, “Guys. That was one,” he held up a finger, “one time and like… so many years ago. I couldn’t even tell you the exact year that happened, it’s been that long.”
Entering a sort of secondary sales pitch, he straightened up, “Look. Scott Hunter is a great player and a great guy. A lot of summers he’s also done us the huge favour of joining our hockey charity summer camp for the Irina Foundation as a coach for the kids and he’s done so much for queer athletes in the NHL.”
For what was supposed to be a fairly casual interview, he was getting a lot deeper than he had expected. Not just now. The whole time.
The re-telling of his and Ilya’s first meeting, the conversation with Rose and now the fight with Hunter.
For most of his life he had been really guarded during interviews but lately he felt so much better… so free, the words left his mouth before he could even try to stop them.
But he didn’t think he was going to regret them.
And if he did end up regretting any of it, he would just tell his team and they’d make Wired edit the whole thing. They could even re-shoot it if necessary.
“I speak for both myself and Ilya when I say his public coming out was a pivotal point in our lives. Actually, when it comes to external factors, him and Rose were the main ones that led us to the point where we are now so I’m very thankful to them both. Hunter’s actions were truly inspiring. I have nothing but respect for him.”
Relaxing a tad, shoulders dropping, he continued, “If you guys really want the scoop… it’s nothing wild, alright?”
“I just- I’m not the type of player who chirps a lot? I mean, Ilya was always heckling me so I responded sometimes but aside from that I almost always stayed quiet and I used to get along with most players so I just never really chirped anyone besides Ilya. But…”
“I don’t know,” he shrugged, “I was younger and we had won I think like… five to one? Against the New York Admirals, that was back when I was still with the Metros, and I made some stupid comment about that but like nothing bad. Just… a bit of shit-talking. I’d heard other players saying much ruder things to each other before so… I figured, whatever, I was riding high.”
“Hunter was not in the mood for it, which… fair, and he made some comment about it being a cheap shot which,” he tilted his head, “was also fair and then later he just made some comment about Ilya.”
As soon as he finished that sentence, he realised he had to clarify a few things because he didn’t want to accidentally create some stupid internet drama over this.
“Not actually about Ilya though. Or…”
He took a brief moment to think.
“He didn’t name anyone. But it was kinda implied…”
He was starting to get frustrated with himself and the overall topic at hand so he decided to simply bite the bullet and open up a bit more.
Genuinely, who cares?
“I wasn’t always comfortable with my relationship with Ilya, or even my sexuality, I think that’s something a lot of queer men, queer people in general, can relate to. Not that all queer people have the same experiences, of course, but homophobia leads many of us to feel this way.”
“Over the years… I had had the inkling that Hunter may have known… may have guessed, maybe? About myself and Ilya.”
He exhaled, “Turns out I was wrong, he was totally dumbfounded when he learned about us but sometimes he just had that look? Like he just knew? Even in our rookie year he made some comment about me and Ilya always being paired up and I short-circuited, afraid he was implying something.”
Slightly shaking his head, “Anyway, this a long and, as my husband would say, boring way of saying that I chirped something to Hunter and he told me I was starting to sound like Ilya.”
He corrected himself again, “Though, like I already said, he didn’t actually say Ilya but all paranoia aside, it was obvious who he was referring to.”
“With me still being in the closet at the time and very much on edge when it came to those kinds of topics, I snapped. He didn’t say anything that bad and neither did I, I guess we were both just… touchy with those respective topics,” he shrugged casually.
“But we get along just fine now and we’ve moved on entirely and again, I’ve got nothing but respect for Scott Hunter.”
Looking at the board again, “I think we can finally move onto the last question.”
He ripped off the final layer.
“Can Shane Hollander do a triple axel? Uh- this is figure skating and I can’t figure skate so I can’t do any type of axel? I did train for a few years for figure skating too when I was much younger to get more agility and stuff but I always made it very clear that for me it was just a stepping stone and that I was going all out for hockey.”
After throwing the final board, he clapped his hands once, “And I believe that’s it. So, thank you.”
The cameraman gave him the okay and Shane finally got up.
As most of the crew broke out in a small round of applause - that felt completely unwarranted given he hadn’t done anything outstanding and had simply answered some questions - one of the sound technicians came to unplug his mic.
A few more people made their way over, he thanked them for having him and they thanked him for coming, he gave out a few handshakes and eventually he left with the few people from his pr team that had come with him.
Pulling out his phone, he quickly texted both Ilya and his mom that the interview was over and then he took a quick look at his schedule for the next few days and before he closed his phone, he got a reply from Ilya.
Can’t wait to see it, sweetheart🤩 you talked plenty about your successful hot amazing fantastic husband, yes? :)
With a smile, he texted back: You wish😉.
— — —
Okay so maybe he had talked too much.
Not that he truly regretted it, he was tired of feeling ashamed and guilty when it came to his relationship with Ilya, but…
The intense internet reaction that the interview had garnered was still a lot to deal with for a usually private guy like Shane.
Ilya, on the other hand, was absolutely living for it and that was a nice pro in Shane’s opinion so he tried to focus on his husband’s happiness.
“Look!”
“Ugh, Ilya…”
“No, no, Shane. Look! Harris sent this one, he will get offended if you don’t look.”
“I doubt it,” he replied dryly.
For completely different reasons, Harris also loved the chaos that Shane had accidentally created.
“But fineee,” he squinted at the screen and read out loud, “Not Shane Hollander fighting Scott Hunter over a gay allegations chirp when both of them were closeted and unaware of each other’s secret, talk about closet on closet crime… what?”
He frowned at Ilya, “That doesn’t even make any sense.”
Ilya smirked and shook his phone, “Yes, closet on closet. Get it? ‘Cause you were both in the closet. So like, gay on gay crime but closet on closet.” He shrugged, “It’s genius.”
“... I hate this.”
Ilya kissed him on the temple, “Mm- no, you don’t. I want to read more.”
“Ilyaaa.”
“What? They are hilarious! And Harris sent many. Troy sent few. Bood and Dykstra sent some too. Poor Haas is too nice to send any but I asked him what some of them meant ‘cause they all have that kids talk.”
“Ugh, I hate young people,” he grumbled.
Ilya lightly hit him in the side, “Hey.”
“What?”
“We,” he motioned between the two of them, “are young people.”
“You know what I meant. Like, fucking teenagers and twenty year olds and all their stupid weird shit.”
“Wow, didn’t know I married dinosaur Scott Hunter.”
He shoved Ilya, “Shut up! Don’t you feel old having to ask Luca what some of that stuff means? Come on, you hate it too, deep down.”
“Nope,” he shook his head, “love it. And no, I don’t feel old, I am very youthful but not native speaker.”
“I’m a native speaker and I don’t get any of these.”
“Yes, because you are old at heart. Like I said, me? Very youthful, totally different.”
“You suck,” he rolled his eyes and slid down the bed from his sitting up position against the headboard to fully lay down, onto his side, facing away from his husband.
“Well, yes. I suck really often. Lucky you,” he slightly slid down the bed as well, facing the same way Shane was and engulfing him in a hug from behind, though Shane could tell he wasn’t fully laying down yet.
“You’re feeling extra funny today.”
Ilya dropped small, gentle kisses from Shane’s neck to his shoulder, then squeezed him once and released him, turning around and Shane’s whole face scrunched up, not liking the separation.
“I want to read more.”
“Really?” He turned his head back, the momentary angle uncomfortable, “You want to keep reading more stupid tweets instead of cuddling your sweet husband who loves you very much?”
Ilya fully laid down and threw his head back, staring at the ceiling, “My husband is being very mean to me right now.”
Shane turned to lay on his other side so he could see Ilya better, “Oh, yeah? How so?”
“You see,” Ilya swung his head Shane’s way, “I make love to him twice in one night and then I want to unwind reading funny tweets about our great love story and he complains and wants me to stop.”
He snorted, “Poor you.”
Ilya pouted, “Indeed.”
“And the one Harris sent you wasn’t about us actually. It was about my fight with Hunter.”
Ilya sent him a smirk that could rival the Cheshire cat’s, “Ah, yes. The fight you started, Mr Perfect who never fought before, to defend my honour.”
“Pfft- I was not defending your honour, if anything I was defending mine.”
“So you don’t want to be my shining knight?”
A soft smile escaped him and he cupped Ilya’s face with one hand, “Knight in shining armour. I thought you were mine. Always fighting anyone who even just looks at me wrong.”
Ilya moved closer, placing his own hand on Shane’s hip where he began to use his thumb to rub slow circles, “Then we both are.”
“Sounds fair,” he gave his husband a quick peck on the lips, then settled down on his chest, hugging him tightly and closing his eyes, “I’ll let you read a few more of those stupid tweets to me but absolutely no reels or tiktoks or anything, okay? Nothing involving sound.”
He didn’t need to open his eyes to know that Ilya was smiling.
“Yes! You will love them! I pick only the best for you. Mm- alright, let me see…”
After a moment that had stretched out longer than Shane had expected and he had almost fallen asleep, Ilya let out a triumphant sound, “Okay! Here we go. First one.”
“Mmm,” he couldn’t be bothered to use words but knew the faint hum was enough of an acknowledgement for his husband.
“Stop talking about boring old men and let's talk for once about how Shane Hollander had to be told by the, the in all caps, Rose Landry that he was gay.”
“Funny,” he replied sarcastically.
“Lots of people in the replies saying she is the number one ally and this one person wrote: if men keep disappointing the Rose Landry then maybe it's time we women take a stand.”
He snorted, “Yeah, turns out she did actually try that a few times.”
“Oh, I know. She told me and Sveta.”
“She did?”
“Hush. Next one.”
He was too sleepy and comfortable to push any further but he would try to make a mental note to himself to bring that up again the next day.
“R.L, that is Rose Landry-”
“You don’t say.”
Ilya ignored him and re-started, “R.L so funny for knowing she wasn't the problem in that relationship and immediately clocking his shit, good for her.” Ilya clicked his tongue, “And good for me."
Shane flicked him on the hip with his thumb and pointer finger but remained quiet.
“My girl so committed to Shane that she decided to fix his relationship problems, skull emoji, with another man, three skull emojis.”
“I love that you’re narrating the emojis too,” he tried to go for sarcasm but knew Ilya could hear the affection in his tone and the small smile he was pressing onto his husband’s chest.
“Yes, I must give you the full experience. Otherwise you’re missing out.”
Shane’s smile grew.
“Oh!” Ilya burst out laughing.
“What?”
“I love this one! I have to admit, all Rose fans are very funny. And they all do that all caps the thing that I don’t understand but I love it.”
He shrugged, “I think it’s just to make her sound even more important? I don’t know.”
“Must be a fandom trait.”
“A what?”
“The kid taught me that.”
“Maybe you should stop pestering him for young people info and just accept you’re not nineteen anymore.”
“Still jealous, I see. It’s okay, sweetheart. Haas doesn’t have cute freckles, I already told you, not my type.”
“Just read the stupid tweet Ilya.”
“I used to make fun of Shane Hollander relentlessly for years for fumbling the Rose Landry but turns out I owe him an apology ‘cause whole time he was just too busy handling Ilya's huge ass.”
“Ugh, you have the humor of a fifteen year old, forget nineteen, and so do all these people.”
“Shane Hollander dating the first woman he had ever queened out with in order to forget his situationship is next level comedy actually.”
“I don’t think that even qualifies as English," he grumbled, more awake than before but still too tired to make sense of any of it.
“Queened out. Like. When a gay guy has fun with a straight woman, you know? Or, I guess, any type of woman. Queening. And situationship is like what we had before we became official.”
“Why the fuck is it call- actually, nevermind. I don’t care.”
“I too would completely change my whole sense of style if I fumbled Ilya Rozanov and needed to win him back hashtag stylistgate.”
“That is not why I-”
“I’m liking that one.”
He raised his head up slightly, “Ilya.”
“What? It’s an innocent one!”
Sighing, he lowered his head again, “Fine. Whatever. You’re Harris’ problem now."
“Harris will love it.”
Probably, he thought miserably.
“Who had it rougher, Jesus Christ on the cross or Ilya Rozanov during the rosander era? This is the best one ever! I should get it on a shirt.”
“Ilya,” his head quickly snapped up again.
“Oh relax, I know, I know, I can’t like this one or weird Americans will start vomiting. Harris did media train me, you know?”
As Shane dropped his head on his husband’s chest again, Ilya read a few more.
The Ilya Rozanov to Rose Landry back to Ilya Rozanov pipeline is actually wild what the fuck.
Shane Hollander top tier game both in and out of the actual game, good for him.
Forget gay solidarity, I’m here for the gay hostility between Hunter and Hollander.
Most common baby queer experience ever, being randomly heckled on by some random elder queer who woke up on the wrong side of the bed, this is the representation we desperately needed.
I just know Ilya's never letting Shane live this down l-m-a-o-o-o shouldn't have done the interview l-o-l.
“Something tells me they’re not wrong…”
Ilya chuckled, “No, they are not wrong.”
“Okay, well, pick the next ones carefully ‘cause I only have a few more left in me.”
“Alright, I’ve got it! This one is great!”
“You say it about all of them, Ilya.”
“Yes, well, they are all great. Okay, so: w-t-f,” Shane snorted at Ilya’s way of reading that, “even was Hollzy’s logic with that fucking chirp. Like. Rozy is known, like known known for chirping at Hunter specifically that he is an old fucking dino, they wrote dino in all caps by the way-”
“Yes, thank you for specifying that.”
“Shh, I continue. And Hollzy’s reaction to being told he sounds like Rozy is to chirp at Hunter that he’s an old dino and should go home to ice his knees and quit hockey? Babe, you just proved his fucking point, that’s straight, or not so straight, out of Rozy’s book, be smart, come on.”
Shane frowned as Ilya laughed, “... I guess I hadn’t thought of that.”
“Of course you didn’t,” Ilya leaned down, dropping a quick kiss on Shane’s head. “More now.”
“Are you ever going to turn off your phone and sleep?”
“Soon, soon. Okay, okay, a flattering one now.”
“Flattering for who?”
“You tell me. It says: being the best hockey player of his generation wasn’t enough for Shane Hollander. No, he had to go and out-rizz everyone too while he was at it. The fuck do you mean he managed to pull Ilya party animal Rozanov just by fucking talking to him? Insane pull game, oh and Hollzy’s also mad hot so insane face card too. So fucking unfair, leave some for the rest of us, alright? Hashtag wiredgate.”
“... Okay,” is all he said.
“Do you need me to explain what out-rizz means?”
“Fuck off.”
“I know you're an old soul so I will tell you even if you’re mean to me, it’s like charisma. So, like, a bachelor has a lot of rizz, you know?”
“Then why not just use charisma instead? Why make up a whole new word for it?”
“Yes, yes, I know how hard it is for old people to witness change,” Ilya patted him on the back a few times.
“I’m filing for divorce.”
“After you pulled me? When no one else could? You will let all of that go to waste?”
“You’re having way too much fun with all of this.”
“Of course, everyone is talking about how hot and amazing my husband is and how lucky I am to have him,” he twisted around to finally put his phone down on his nightstand and slid down the bed again, making Shane readjust his position too, “why wouldn’t I love that?”
And suddenly Shane was wondering if it was too late to start up a third round, considering their earliest appointment the following day was after noon, but then Ilya continued talking…
“Aaaand everyone is calling Hunter a dinosaur, so of course I’m having plenty of fun with this,” he smirked.
Shane groaned and playfully hit him in the chest, “Go to sleep, asshole.”
— — —
“I can’t believe you’re reading those too,” he scolded the other man.
Hayden shrugged as he kept eating chips, “Sorry, bud. These are literally amazing. I am not stopping any time soon.”
“This could be considered bullying.”
“Nice try, buddy. Oh!” he swallowed another mouthful of chips, “check this one out!”
“You are turning into Ilya. I need you to know that.”
“Worth it. Come on, look!”
“I should’ve never done that stupid interview,” he grumbled but accepted his fate. “Alright, let me see,” he leaned forward.
Everyone talking about how easily Shane got ragebaited by Scott but like... is no one gonna talk about how SCOTT was the one dealing with a whole bunch of closeted bs and his reaction to baby Shane's first uwu baby chirp was basically going like YOU'RE GAY😭😭😭 #wiredgate #hvh
“What the fuck is h-v-h?”
“Hollander V Hunter but not in a shippy way! Don’t worry. Just like, the whole fight thing. I think they went for V instead of X ‘cause of some anime with that name?”
He didn’t have to ask what shippy meant because unfortunately he had learned that several years ago.
“Jackie also sent me one, let me pull it up, hold on.”
“Jackie sent you one?”
Hayden nodded as he grabbed more chips.
“You all have it out for me.”
His friend held his phone out again and Shane read the new tweet front and center on the screen.
SHANE HOLLANDER WENT FROM ILYA ROZANOV TO ROSE LANDRY AND THEN BACK TO ILYA ROZANOV??? man im so sorry i ever made fun of u for being some nerdy ass like, im so sorry i wasnt familiar with your game Mr Hollander😩😔🙏 forgive me #playboyhollander #wiredgate
“I don’t get it, it’s not like it was a secret that Rose and I dated? And people have known about my relationship with Ilya for years now. Why is it so… why’s the reaction so fucking intense when the only new thing here is learning I dated him first?”
“That and the Hunter fight but,” he waved his hand dismissively. “Let me go to my bookmarks.”
“You bookmarked some of them?”
“Oh it’s my burner account, relaaax.”
"hunter was in the wrong this, hunter was in the wrong that" how about... shane is just ageist and hunter's a cranky old man? I think the only thing they actually respect about each other are their sexualities #hvh
“Did you read it?”
“Yeah.”
“Alright, wait, look at the one below,” he scrolled down for Shane.
don't let the fact that you're gay stop u from being homophobic (this is about scott hunter - all jk, love my shayla) #hvh #wiredgate
“Who the fuck is Shayla?”
“Tt- my friend, you are so behind with the times.”
“Maybe you should be Ilya’s best friend instead.”
“Speaking of, one of the parents from Arthur’s class saw the video and I guess she didn’t know that you and I were buddies still? I don’t know how she didn’t know that, you’re all over my insta-”
He snorted, Hayden and Ilya didn’t have a lot in common but the few things here and there that they did have in common were pretty funny to him.
“But that’s besides the point. Her kid, not the one in class with Arthur, his older brother, is like a huge fan and she practically begged Jackie to ask you if you and maybe Ilya too could sign something for him? But especially you.”
He nodded, “Yeah, sure. I’ll bring you a jersey next time and you can give it to her for the kid.”
“Niceee. Though, may I say, a bit rude she didn’t ask for my signature too and I told Jackie I wanted to also give him one of my jerseys, signed of course, and she shot it down because it makes me sound like an egomaniac or something? But I’m like, this kid would then have three hockey player signatures for free, I’m literally being nice.”
“I get your logic but I say listen to Jackie. If this woman bit the bullet to ask for something nice for her kid, which she was probably embarrassed about I imagine, I don’t think she would hold back on asking for your signature? If she didn’t ask… her kid probably doesn’t care about it, sorry.”
“Maybe I should be besties with Rozanov instead.”
“Good luck with that,” he grinned.
“But for now I’ll just continue torturing you with more memes and shit.”
“You’re the worst.”
“No, your husband is.”
— — —
“They’re not all bad, Shane,” his father said encouragingly.
“Dad, please. Not you too, alright? Mom’s giddiness is betrayal enough.”
His mother’s voice rang all the way from the kitchen, “It’s great publicity! And all your sponsors are loving it!”
“I know, Mom,” he yelled back.
“Don’t raise your voice at me!”
“But you’re- I was just-”
“This is why Ilya’s my favourite, he would never yell at me! He’d get up, walk over to me and talk to me reasonably!”
“Okay,” he deadpanned, giving up the fight he knew he couldn’t win.
“Tom sent me this one that was really nice actually, I think you’ll like it,” hummed the older man.
“I’m sorry, Tom? Tom, your coworker Tom? That Tom? Your coworkers are sending you memes about me?”
“No, no, it’s a nice one! Promise. Let me just…” he squinted at his phone, “I swore it was here somewhere but he sends a lot of birdwatching stuff too.”
“Tom sounds like an exciting man,” came from behind them.
“I thought you were helping Mom in the kitchen,” he crossed his arms.
“I was ‘cause that’s what good sons do but I finished and now I’m here to bother my husband and listen to the funny meme Tom sent,” he went up to David and peered at his phone. “Isn’t it that one?” he pointed at the screen.
“I think so, yes, here we go."
Shane facepalmed.
“Since rookie year? And they were only able to see each other a couple of times a month at best? And now they live together, are married, have a cute little dog together and play on the same team as they keep winning matches and Stanley Cups? Maybe they should write a book. A how-to. Other men need to take notes,” David read.
“Awww,” cooed Ilya. “Yes, other men should take notes from us. I agree. Tell Tom this is Ilya-approved. Though it was since the summer before rookie year but I guess they have no way of knowing that.”
“In what way is that even a meme?”
“I never said it was a meme,” his dad shrugged. “I said he sent me a post about you two. Never used the word meme. But it’s nice, right?”
“I mean… yeah?” he relented.
“So it’s not all bad.”
Ilya tilted his head as if to say see? I told you so.
“Whatever, I can’t wait for the next big thing to drop and distract everyone.”
Ilya mouthed a boring and then Yuna called for them, food finally ready to be eaten.
— — —
“No, Mom,” he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I thought we’d already talked about this… thoroughly, actually.”
“Yes, yes, I know,” she waved her hand dismissively. “But it would be funny! Don’t you think? And of course a hit. Plus, it’s like you’re reclaiming it this way, no? And the proceeds could go towards the Irina Foundation or maybe some queer charity or even a fifty-fifty split?”
He liked that aspect of the plan but he still felt unsure.
Maybe embarrassed.
Okay, definitely embarrassed.
“It doesn’t have to be a bad thing, Shane,” she switched to a gentler tone. “If you don’t want to do it, it’s fine, of course. But consider it. There’s no shame to be had with any of this and if anyone, and I mean anyone, says anything negative? Then, fuck ‘em.”
He snorted, “Right.” Parroting his mother, he nodded, “Fuck ‘em.”
She smiled at him, “Good.”
“I’ll consider it but maybe send me a mockup or something? So I can get a better feel of everything.”
“I will! And relax,” she leaned back in her chair, “I won’t pick anything flashy.”
She put on her glasses and fished out her phone from her purse, “Something simple. Funny, that’s very important seeing that’s the whole appeal of it, but not crude. Marketable."
“Of course,” he rolled his eyes.
Once again, he tried really hard to ignore the fact that he knew his mother had read a lot of those Wired-gate tweets and had most definitely accidentally encountered some of the more, as she put it, crude ones.
“The team will come up with much better ideas but, just at the top of my head, as a mere example, okay? No pressure and you can say no to this but something like…”
She tilted her phone so he was able to view the screen too, “Picture one of these sporty summer hats and then on the opposite spectrum a nice toque for the winter, to have the year covered, you know? Ultra fans will want to buy both for the different weathers. And in the center, or for the toque in the low area, you know the folded one?”
“Right?”
“With one of those fonts the team likes a lot, something bold but again simple, not flashy, a text that reads hashtag loverboy Rozanov, with capital L, he’ll love that, and then for you… you know, the other one,” she said casually, putting her phone back.
“Two variants for the summer hat and two for the toque, so collectors will want all four. Fans will love them but especially those who are in a relationship ‘cause they can do the whole Shane to my Ilya or Ilya to my Shane thing. It’s a quick idea, I’m sure the others can think of something better, but I think they’d sell really well. And hats and toques are one of the top merchandise items.”
“Mom… by the other one… I’m sorry, do you mean what I think you mean?”
“It’s funny!” she opened her arms energetically. “And please, nothing to be embarrassed about. If anything, some would consider it flattering.”
“Ilya would consider it funny.”
“Exactly,” she agreed. “And so would most fans.”
It wasn’t a bad idea at all, he admitted to himself, but thinking about the specific tweets that had started it, made him blush.
He could still picture some of them in his mind from how long he had stared at them the first time he had seen them. They weren’t offensive or anything but they had been shocking to him.
A lot were repetitive too but apparently that was the nature of social media.
He also supposed there were worst options out there but he still felt really stupid at the idea of selling his own merch with #PlayboyHollander…
Even if the majority of the most viral tweets under that tag were fairly tame.
Never thought id live in an era of Playboy Shane Hollander and Loverboy Ilya Rozanov, this is my new religion now, pass on the good word🙏 #playboyhollander and #loverboyrozanov for the win
Are you guys fucking telling me that at a certain point Shane Canada's Golden Boy Hollander was handling BOTH Rose Landry AND Ilya Rozanov? Hello???? #playboyhollander #wiredgate
Too few bitches talking about how ilya rozanov was fucking women left and right and still going back to hollander every single time like whaaaaat. THAT'S way bigger proof of hollander's game than him landing rose landry actually #playboyhollander
Shane Hollander hired a stylist after his breakup with Rose Landry and pre-reunion with Ilya Rozanov? Oh im sure😉 he wanted that cookie baaaaad had to pull em movesss #stylistgate #playboyhollander
Losing my mind picturing rozy pathetically waddling back to hollzy every single time like the #loverboyrozanov he is meanwhile hollzy was casually weighing his options like the #playboyhollander he is
“As my mother you shouldn’t even have been reading any of those,” he shook his head.
“Maybe, but as your manager it was my duty,” she replied playfully.
He huffed and somewhat jokingly replied, “Yeah, whatever, just don’t let Ilya pick any of them.”
“Oh, hush. Anyway, Lauren’s gonna love this. I’m gonna work it all out with her later but for now that’s that. How’s the remodelling going, by the way? I’ve been so busy I haven’t had time to stop by yet and Ilya is being so secretive about it.”
“Oh, yeah, I think he just really wants to see you guys’ reactions at the finished product, you know?”
Still, he decided to spill a few things to her, like the colour they had decided to go with for the kitchen cabinets and the new layout of the main guest room.
— — —
You: You look awful with that. Take it off.
Rose: oh so u want me to wear the loverboy rozanov beanie instead? yeah, i have that one too
You: I’ll erase all of this from my memories, thanks. Starting from that goddamn interview.
You: But I guess my mom was right and “reclaiming” this whole clown show actually helped things simmer down? Ironically. I don’t get the internet.
Rose: well, arent you glad it’s all winding down now?
You: Yeah, of course. Relieved.
Rose: right! so… a few final ones as a goodbye🥺🙏? yeah🍾✨️?
You: …
Rose: PLEASEEEEEEE shaaaaane
You: Fine.
A minute had barely passed and Rose had already managed to send three different twitter screenshots.
Ilya Rozanov is so easy, Shane Hollander shook his hand, introduced himself and paid him "a few hockey based compliments" and this guy went "yep, this is the man ill be fucking on the dl for near to a decade”
yall saying rozy’s easy? how about theyre both easy cause wdym ilya's stiff 1 word replies worked on shane lmao, they were both down bad tyvm
The Hunter-Hollanov beef runs so deep im hollering😭😭 im gonna need one of yall to drop a timeline masterdoc #hvh #wiredgate
You: I’m sorry, did you have these already saved?
Rose: of course i did! what, are u actually surprise?
Rose: surprised*
You: No… I guess I’m not surprise(d)
Rose: 😒 funny guy
You: Yep, that’s me. Born to be a comedian, forced to be the greatest ice hockey player of my generation. So, did you get it all out now?
Rose: NOPE! few more! waaait! (and wow, humble. i couldve sworn u used to make fun of ilya before for saying that same exact crap, how the tables have turned)
Get you a man as obsessed as these 2 are about each other yooo since fucking r o o k i e year that’s mad #thewholetime #wiredgate #oghollanovtruther
Kay so shane only started serving cunt after rose dumped him and in his words "came out for him" and then the allstars game after that him and ilya were all giggling and laughing with each other and so comfortable to the point ilya kissed him on the cheek? Oh he was trying to pull ilya back in so freaking bad it's not even funny
DO YOU GUYS REMEMBER THE BLIND ITEMS ABOUT SHANE HIRING A STYLIST AFTER THE ROSE LANDRY SPLIT? He was 100% trying to impress his ex (NOT ROSE AS WE KNOW NOW)
Too many people focusing on the whole hollander's got game aspect and not enough of yall talking about how pathetic ilya rozanov was
These 2 have been at each other’s necks for longer than my car insurance lasts #thewholetime
“that’s how i pulled him, cant say it was all that hard” not shane hollander calling his own husband easy im crying tf out #playboyhollander indeed i guess
Heard about Hollander... so disappointed :/ was a big fan... but i dont condone elder abuse like that💔 so... i must unstan :( i hope hunter's okay
Rose: ilya sent me that last one😊
You: Of course he did.
Rose: and finally. my personal Favourite😇
Scott Hunter 🤝 Rose Landry
Telling Shane Hollander he is GAY gay HOMOsexual g a y
You: Glad you got it out of your system. I have practice in like 20.
Rose: don’t break a bone!
Rose: and don’t do any more interviews😉😘!
You: 🖕
— — —
You: Yeah, man. Sorry again about, you know, everything.
Scott Hunter: Don’t sweat it. Happens. And I told you, Kip thinks this is all so fucking hilarious🙄
You: So does Ilya💀
Scott Hunter: That doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.
Scott Hunter: Though, I have to ask. You owe me this, alright?
You: Okay?
He braced himself.
Scott Hunter: The night you won Rookie Of The Year, did you fuck after I spooked you with that Rozanov comment and you ran off?
Okay so not what he had expected.
His face flushed as he typed and sent his reply.
You: No. I’m not lying. Long story.
Scott Hunter: Damn, I bet Kip you had. Now I gotta do the dishes for a month.
You: Perks of being retired, I guess.
Scott Hunter: But you were already…
You: Yeah. Since the summer before our rookie year.
Scott Hunter: Wow. That’s… no words. Okay, final thing and then I’m dropping it for real.
You: ?
Scott Hunter sent an image
He clicked on the screenshot and rolled his eyes.
My fave thing is how after all the coming outs in the nhl over the past few years (shoutout Scotty!!!) theyve all mentioned that every time one of them came out to someone else, theyd get asked “are you dating rozanov?” (who wasnt even out yet lmao???) and as soon as they said no, theyd get told smth like “alright, we can work with that” but shane actually did have to go “yep, that’s my man😌 n81” help😭
You: Yep, that’s my man😌 n81!
His man indeed and how lucky was he for that?
Switching to Ilya’s chat, he smiled widely as he typed and sent: Call me when you’re done with the shoot! Love you, моя любовь❤️!
Любовь: I will😉, Я тоже тебя люблю, солнышко🌞!
Yeah, he was pretty fucking lucky.