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Tightness formed in his chest, the smell of burning flesh flooding his nostrils. Was it his own, or someone else's?
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No. This wasn’t right. He wasn’t supposed to be back here. He couldn’t breathe.
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A shrill scream pierced through the air. No no no. Not again. He could save her this time. He could-
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Kai whipped around only to find his sister being consumed by growing flames. Nya stood motionless in the midst of the fire. Her skin sizzled, blood seeping from gashed limbs. She was almost unrecognizable, her tan complexion now black and charred.
“Why would you do this to me, Kai?” she cried. Drop by drop her blood hit the ground, creating a pool of crimson at her feet.
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A voice echoed through his head.
“It's impossible to survive in the Land of Monsters without becoming a monster yourself.”
***
Kai shot up in his bed, drenched in sweat. His gray sweatpants and red tank top clung to his skin. The alarm clock on his nightstand read 2:46 a.m., the LED screen’s glow faintly illuminating the room. Knots twisted in his stomach— a feeling he knew all too well. His throat burned as he frantically reached for the small trash can he kept by his bed specifically for nights like this one. He vomited into the can, his chest rising and falling in short, erratic gasps.
Breathe, Kai. Breathe. It wasn’t real.
Once Kai had gotten a grip on reality, he decided to focus on changing his sheets. Every time he had a nightmare, his elemental powers caused him to burn holes through his blankets as he slept. The fire ninja waved away the lingering smoke before stripping the torn linens from his mattress.
When the merge hit, Kai awoke in the Land of Monsters. He went through hell to get out of there. He went through hell to get home. Kai was safe, so why was he still so afraid? Why hadn’t he slept peacefully in months?
The nightmares didn’t start immediately. It took a while for him to process the things he had seen. When he was out on a mission, fighting alongside his team, everything was fine, but it was the quieter moments in which terror seeped into his mind.
As a result, Kai avoided sleep as much as he could. Sleeping was vulnerable. If he had learned one thing from his time after the merge, it was that vulnerability was not an option. That night he had let his exhaustion take hold of him, and he had paid the price.
Once he had replaced his bedding, he left his room in the monastery to go get a glass of water from the kitchen. The cold liquid soothed his cracked lips, and he quickly downed the whole cup. He then made his way outside to the training grounds, the crisp night air hitting his bare arms. The rest of the ninja would have been cold in only a tank top, but Kai’s body heat was significantly higher than the average person’s.
Despite his weakened state and lingering nausea, the fire ninja began to train. He practiced his punches over and over again, hoping that maybe— just maybe— his stinging knuckles would distract him from the horrors that plagued his mind. Suddenly, a voice broke the quiet of the night.
“Kai?” Lloyd called out. He stood in the doorway, a cup of tea in hand and a blanket draped over his shoulders. Kai, too focused on punching things, didn’t quite hear him. “Kai!” the green ninja shouted, slightly louder than the first time.
“Hm?” Kai paused, not expecting anyone else to be awake at this hour. “Whats up, Lloyd? Everything okay?”
“I could ask you the same thing,” Lloyd replied. “Why are you training at three in the morning?”
“Couldn’t sleep.” Kai had had this conversation with his brother many times before. It usually resulted in Kai changing the topic, refusing to bring up the dreams he had been having.
Lloyd’s gaze fell on Kai’s hands, now littered with scrapes and bruises. The younger brother had a sympathetic look in his eyes. “Come inside, Kai. You’re bleeding.”
Kai reluctantly followed him back indoors where they both sat on the couch. Lloyd left for a moment, returning with a first aid kit. Kai waited patiently as his brother carefully bandaged his hands. “I’m okay, Lloyd. I was just getting in some late-night training. You don’t get muscles like these without putting in some work,” he joked.
Lloyd didn’t laugh. “I’m just worried about you. I’ve struggled with insomnia before and it’s no joke. Don’t think no one hears you creeping around every night. Now tell me, what’s really going on?”
Kai almost laughed at the irony of the situation. He had spent countless late nights comforting Lloyd when he was just a little boy. Now, the roles were reversed. “It’s stupid...” Kai paused before he spoke again, “I’ve been having these dreams. They all start and end the same. I find myself back in the Land of Monsters, and I end up losing someone I love. Whether it's you, Cole, Jay, Zane, Nya, or even Master Wu, it's always the same.”
“That’s not stupid at all.” Lloyd himself had a long history with night terrors (and most recently, prophetic visions).
“It’s just— those weeks right after the merge were some of the loneliest, scariest days of my life. The possibility of losing my team— my family— terrified me more than any creatures I could’ve faced.” Kai felt tears prick the corners of his eyes as he continued, “During all of that time I spent wandering, I kept asking myself if there's something I could’ve done to keep us all together. To keep everyone safe.”
Lloyd wrapped his arms around Kai. “None of this was your fault. The merge was scary for everyone. I don’t know much about what you went through, but none of us could’ve known this was coming.”
“Thanks, that means a lot, Lloyd.” Kai often wondered when his brother became so smart. He could see Master Wu’s teachings shining through him more and more each day.
“And for what it's worth,” Lloyd released Kai from the embrace, “I’m not going anywhere.”