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Contrary to popular belief, Robert was fine. He was... good, better than he'd been in years. He had a team that loved and cared about him, a steady income, reasons to live that weren't just his dog and his responsibility to the public.
Also contrary to popular belief, Robert was a little. And that was fine. It wasn't an aspect of his life he felt rather strongly about. He'd known since he was twelve and Chase found him curled up in the closet, crying about how he missed his dad and clutching a teddy bear to his chest. He was mortified, like any twelve year old boy would be, and resolved to never be weak like that in front of someone again.
So, he made it work. He pressed the urge to go soft and fuzzy at any stressful situation down, and kept the single toy and blanket he owned tucked away in the bottom of a box. Once a month, he allowed himself a night in, which was just watching a shitty children's cartoon on his phone and suckling on the ear of his stuffed animal with Beef held close, and never let himself fully slip enough that he couldn't drag himself out of it if need be.
It worked, well enough that most of the time he could fully ignore the childish voice in his head that called for softness and good meals and warmth.
His teammates did not share this same opinion.
He was surprised it took as long as it did, with so many gossips and snoops on his team, but Sonar overheard him dismissing Blonde Blazer when she was asking him for the 5th time about accomodations, and suddenly the whole team was rather upset they hadn't known.
And look, he knew there was a wide range of classifications on the team. Some of them even helped out each other, which he was deeply proud of them for. He wouldn't have been shamed or made to feel lesser in any serious way, but he didn't see why they needed to know.
"It's not important. It was on a need to know basis- you all didn't need to know." He sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. How had they managed to get him into this conference room?
"Didn't need to know! I'm offended Boberto- I could've had someone to play with! Mal's banned me from explaining how the blockchain works to her, I need someone to listen!" Sonar cried, slumping into Mal's shoulder dramatically. The caregiver scritched behind his ear, an indulgent smile on her face.
"Because you've told me like 30 times, I think I could talk about your crypto shit more than you could," She said, sighing like this is an argument they'd had many, many times.
"Top ten anime betrayals."
Mal snickered, refocusing on Robert, "But seriously dude, if you ever want a play date, you know where to find us."
"...Thanks, I guess."
"So, Bob-Bob, who takes care of you? You got some secret girlfriend you're hiding. Or boyfriend, ally or whatever." Prism chimed in, looking him up and down expectantly.
"Bitch, you're literally bi, you're not an ally." Flambae said, raising an eyebrow.
"Are you restricting the ways I describe my sexuality, 'Bae?"
"Not fucking worth it." He groaned, more to himself than her. "Sure, ally or whatever, Bob-Bob can get dick if he wants it. Well- he can want it, but I guarantee no one wants anything to do with that flat ass."
"I'm reporting you all to HR." Robert sighed, burying his face in his hands.
"Stop, don't say that name, you're gonna scare Visi!" Prism cried, throwing an arm over her shoulder.
"Fuck off-" She growled, but didn't make any attempt to move out from her grip.
"Ye' didn't answer the question, lad. Who you got taking care of you?" Punch Up asked. Looking over there just made him catch sight of Coupe, who was giving him a completely unreadable look that he didn't want to think about too hard. She was the only one on the team who's designation he wasn't aware of, it was redacted like much of the information in her file.
"No one. I'm fine." That lead to another uprising from his team- chattered protests.
"I don't have a caretaker, and I'm not looking for one. I don't regress like a normal little, and I'm not interested in doing so. Got it? Can we drop the subject now?" His team reacted like scorned children, the ones among them who were a little more reasonable even giving him a soft apology. Coupe was still looking at him like he was a puzzle she was trying her best to solve.
"Dropped." Golem rumbled, shaking his head. He loved his team but didn't have a classification, being a sentient pile of mud would do that to you, and didn't understand why they got themselves so worked up over it sometimes. Even if rubber duckies were fun to chew on.
It was not dropped. At least the verbal accosting had stopped, beyond the odd comment here and there, but what less could be expected of his team? No, what was the real problem, was the stuff.
Flambae had taken to aggressively shoving meals into his hands, noting what was and wasn't eaten and carefully adjusting what he made the next time. It trended towards simpler meals, things easy on his stomach and comforting. He clowned on him sometimes for his white boy taste buds, but didn't stop making the lunches. He felt a little better with a stomach full of something other than twinkies. He's pretty sure Flambae and Waterboy had reached some kind of alliance, united by their plot to make sure he didn't starve, because there was frequently a homemade pastry along with it. It being slightly damp didn't even take away from the taste.
Punch Up had somehow figured out he liked baths. He'd mentioned it offhandedly one day, he was sure- they were soothing for his joints, the heat helping settle the chronic pain that had taken up residence in his body when he was 15 and never bothered to leave.
Bath things started appearing at his desk. At first, it was a bath bomb. He thought it was a joke, and that it would stain him blue or something, but when he hesitantly dropped it in to the warm water, it was just a normal, fizzy bath bomb. He enjoyed it like a normal person, the smell was nice, and he got a couple minutes of entertainment squishing the fizzing paste through his palms. When the gifts started to shift away from epsom salts and bubble bath into maybe plausably deniable if someone found them toys, he knew he had to get a handle on it.
So bath time was added to his once a month nights in, and he slipped farther than he ever had in the warm water, surrounded by toys someone had got him because they cared.
Prism kept leaving him clothes. She said she couldn't in good faith let him go around looking like that, but he thought she just liked seeing him in her colors. If he wore the delightfully soft sweaters to sleep sometimes because they reminded him of her, that was his own damn business.
One day, he accidentally walked in on Sonar and Visi regressed in the break room, Mal watching over them. Visi was happily curled up in her lap, and Sonar was... preforming some kind of terrorism with blocks that he didn't really understand.
"Oh, sorry, I can come back later." He apologized, stepping back with a wave.
"Nah, nah- stay, you're on break like the rest of us. Besides, they don't mind, do ya' hun?" She cooed, making Courtney giggle and press her face into Mal's chest.
"Alright," He slid back in, refilling his coffee cup. "Did something happen? Never seen both of them down at once."
"Just a long shift, they both needed a destress." She shrugged, hoisting Courtney up on her hip. "That reminds me, gotta go grab her backup inhaler from the locker, she's running low and she'll forget. Mind hanging with Vic for a second?"
"Uh, yeah sure, no problem. What... do I do?" He blinked, the hybrid wiggling happily as he played with one of those children's tech toys, the ones where they built little circuits and made things light up. He chirped and cooed every time he succeeded at getting something to work.
"Just go sit with him, he's easy, just gets fussy if he's left alone." And then she was gone, and he was alone with another little. He'd been around the other while they were regressed, but he'd never been alone with them.
"Uh, hey Vic. What're you doing?" He sat down next to him, and the hybrid immediately nestled into his side like a heat seeking missile.
"Makin' things."
"...You wanna make something cooler?"
When Mal came back, there was now a fucking can robot in the break room. How- she only left them alone for like 15 minutes? Maybe it wasn't smart to leave the two smartest people on the team alone in a room with a bunch of wires and parts, even while regressed.
"Mal, Mal, look what we did!" Victor cheered, laughing with Robert as their little robot waved its arms around. Robert felt good, not completely fuzzy but settled- he was having fun, and there were no strings attached, no one pushing him to be a certain way.
"I see! Look at you two." She cooed, her voice going soft in the way it was with Visi earlier. That seemed to shock him out of his softened state.
"Um- yeah, shit, I should probably get back to work. That was... fun, Victor." He ruffled the fur between his ears, giving him a soft smile, before grabbing his coffee.
Like all things in his life, Coupe somehow knew. He was convinced her powers were actually a form of clairvoyance, because how the fuck did she know where he lived?
"Jesus- how did you get inside my apartment! I live on the third fucking floor!" He would not admit to squealing, slamming the door shut as he saw Coupe perched on his counter like she was meant to be there.
"I wouldn't be a very good assassin if I couldn't climb, Robert." She said, cocking her head at him. She had been doing that more, looking at him all curiously like he was a mystery she was trying to solve.
"So, this is an assassination plot? Damn, thought we were past that." He sighed, running his hands down his face.
"No, just stating facts. I have no plans on ever harming you, Robert, I just want to talk."
"Creepy, but alright. Talk away, I guess." He shrugged, stepping further into the apartment.
"It's depressing in here. Serial killer shit... I respect it." She said, giving him a rare smile. "Why do you still have the murder board up? It's like something out of a mystery book."
"You know, I can never tell when you're joking. And- old times sake, I guess?"
"Well, you can use all the decoration you can get I suppose." She shrugged. "Why don't you let yourself regress?"
He sputtered a little bit, not expecting her to be quite as blunt with it. "Not that it's any of your business, but I do."
"How often?"
"Often enough, what is this about?"
"Because I don't see anything around here that would help you-"
"Ok, that's enough. I think you should go. I told you all to drop it, and I don't appreciate you just- showing up to my house and digging into my life." He growled out, crossing his arms defensively.
"I... apologize, Robert. That wasn't my intention."
"What other intentions are there for showing up at my house to interrogate me?" He snarled back.
"I was worried about you," She sighed, curling in on herself a little. "I... understand, what it's like to have to push down a part of yourself. When I was employed by the Mafia, they didn't... it was weakness. I thought it made me weak."
His eyes widened- this wasn't where he thought this would go.
"I thought ignoring it made me strong. It didn't. It just made me sick. When I met Colm... he told me that I didn't have to ignore it. It took me a long time to come to terms with that. But it gets easier. And he told me it every day until it did." She sighed, sliding off the counter and creeping closer, like she was afraid he'd shatter if she moved any faster.
"I meant to say don't push us away, Robert. We want to help." He blinked, eyes wide. She opened her arms a little clumsily, like the motion wasn't familiar to her - and he doesn't know why, but that's what makes him break. He stumbles forward, slumping against her chest with a broken little cry. She's tall enough that when she curls around him, lowering them both to the ground, he feels surrounded and safe.
He hasn't sunk this far in years, the sobs tearing out of him and the way he's being held making him feel small. He can't think much past the warmth, the way she's cradling, keeping him safe. It feels nice, like he's protected from judgement from the outside world.
"Want teddy-" He sniffles, tugging at her sleeve.
"Where is he?" She says, soothing a hand down his back. She isn't a caretaker, but she can at least be relatively comforting until reinforcements arrive. He pointed to a box in the corner, and when she opened it up, all that was inside was a singular blanket, a teddy bear, and a bath toy. She grabs out the blanket and teddy, tucks it into his arms and wraps the blanket around them, and curls up on his floor. Because he doesn't have a bed. Jesus Christ, this man needs help.
Within 15 minutes, the rest of the team is tumbling into the room, to find Robert, still completely out of it, and Janelle, who's quickly slipping from the stress of the situation, snuggled together on the floor.
"Oh, this is worse than I thought. You think he sleeps in that fucking cuck chair? Somehow that's worse than the floor." Alice said, raising an eyebrow.
"Not the time, lass! Hi, Nellie. You did good, doll, you wanna get up?" Colm cooed, and when she nodded he scooped both the littles into his arms. Robert giggled slightly, clinging on a bit tighter. Janelle was passed off to Mal, who settled her again, while Colm startled tossing Robert like he weighed nothing...which he probably did to him. It made him squeal and giggle, a sound which made every caregiver in the rooms heart skip a beat. He sounded happy, and free, in a way they'd never heard before.
Meanwhile, Chad was setting up the biggest air mattress they could find, grumbling about stupid self deprivating idiots. Jesus Christ, he had one blanket! And no toys, nothing soft and comfortable- he could feel himself starting to spark, quickly taking a deep breath to calm himself. Freak out later, focus on the littles now.
Once it was blown up, Sonar dropped an armload of blankets onto the bed, lying them out like a little nest. He fussed with it for a moment, letting out pleased little chirps and squeaks. Chad recognized those noises.
"Ey, Batboy, are you small?"
"...Am I allowed to be?" He squeaked out, still half buried in the fluff.
"Well I'm not going to be the one cuddling Boberts skinny ass. Lie down." He grumbled, still playing grumpy even as he affectionately tucked in the hybrid. "Colm, Mal, bring them over here."
Robert was tucked in between Victor and Janelle, buried into Victor's fluff and listening to his content purrs. On his other side, Janelle was curled up and chatting softly with Alice, providing the perfect background noise to slip further to. He buried his hands in the fluff at the hollow of his collarbone and cooed, feeling the give beneath his fingers.
"Soft..." He babbled, stroking gently.
Vic giggled, curling around him in return, nuzzling him softly. "You're funny, Robby."
"Here we- you, you three go. Grilled cheeses- sandwiches." Herman passed a plate to each of the regressors, to varying reactions. Victor immediately started munching on it, Robert looked at it confused, and Janelle gave the slightly soggy bread a suspicious poke.
"Phanks-" Victor said, his mouth full of cheesy bread. Colm leaned down and took a nibble of Janelle's sandwich, before holding it back out to her.
"See? All good, little lady."
She finally accepted it with a pleased hum. Robert visibly relaxed as well, chowing down on the sandwich. He felt the best he ever had, here, wrapped around his team and curled up in soft blankets.
"Cuddle time?" Courtney flopped into the bed, curling up by Sonar with a huff. "You're taking up the fucking bed, Vic." Herman and Colm tucked into either side of Janelle, the shorter man planting a kiss on her forehead, and Robert's in turn. He preened at the affection, wiggling happily.
"You're gonna be alright, Robbo. We're gonna get you alright." Mal cooed, stroking his hair. "We've got you now."