Chapter Text
It’s weird to perform solo again.
Barely any time has passed since she's last done it, and yet, she's gotten so used to Kohane's presence that singing on her own feels wrong. The void at her side is gaping just to her; the audience cheers regardless.
She can't help but feel like their cheers are weaker than before.
It's something she noticed too, a certain wrongness that carries in her voice. No matter how she sings, it follows; saps away her cheer, her power, her skill. It terrifies her; everything changed for the worse so fast, and she was powerless against it.
Kohane had compared her voice to an ocean once; it's rippling power enough to make her heart pound.
Now, hearing her own voice, she can't help but think of stagnant water, carrying rot and decay.
Decay is a good word to describe it, she thinks. She waits, and waits, and waits, and her voice decays in her throat, slowly breaks apart like rotten wood. She's waiting for a miracle, that Kohane will want to come back. She's waiting for Aunt Nagi, hoping that she'll show her any sign of life.
She's good at waiting, but she forgot how painful it is at first.
Guilt wells up inside her. It's her fault any of this happened; she dragged Kohane in to this world, she invited Kohane to stand by her side. Even though that guy came clean about his stunt, it changed nothing; at the thought of standing on a stage, Kohane's legs shake all the same. She wouldn't be like this now if An wasn't terribly selfish. She wanted a partner so badly it blinded her to the possibility that it might not go well, especially when Kohane was an outsider, unfamiliar with the music, the culture, the people. She always tries to be kind to everyone, but thinking about the inconsideration she showed Kohane makes her nauseous.
She watches the next person pass her and head onto the stage. She'd love to listen, but it's static, grating on her ears. It's unbearable, making her nausea worse, so she gathers her things and rushes out with barely a nod to the livehouse owner. She feels bad, but if anyone's ever bothered by her behaviour, they don't show it to her.
The outside is far more tolerable; the air is fresh and the static gives way to a heavy bassline and energetic beat. The person singing is really good, their voice carrying an oomph to match the backing track.
Most of all, they don't sound restrained.
It's like Kohane wrapped chains around her throat when she left, pulling them tighter with every step further away. Nothing An's been doing has been helping them let up; she DMed Kohane a bunch of times, and she even tried waiting around Miyajou to meet with her so they can talk. Except Kohane hasn't been replying, and she’s never around Miyajou when An is, and it's clear Kohane's avoiding her.
With a resigned sigh, she starts heading back home. When she enters the cafe, Dad will ask her how her event’s been; she'll say that it was fine, and head up to her room with the hole in her chest ever so slightly bigger. She wonders when it'll swallow her whole, until not even her rotten voice can be heard.
The streets she passes are the same as ever, and so are the people. Some part of her is pissed that despite how much has changed, her home reflects none of it. Kohane no longer navigates these streets, but the alleyways don't miss her presence. Now that she thinks about it, though, she hasn't seen either BAD DOG recently as well. The town doesn't care about their absence, too.
She briefly wonders what happened. She hasn't seen them at school for a few days now, and no gossip has reached her ears. Maybe she keeps missing them, turning away right as they're about to pass in her vision. Maybe they're both sick; with how much time they spend at each other's side, if one of them were to catch something, surely the other would fall ill too.
Though, something in her gut tells her that they've also broken up.
She wonders if that's all it'll ever be: her, alone, chasing a dream she can't reach, without a partner to uplift her and rivals to push against. As much as she wants to surpass RAD WEEKEND, she wants to do it with Kohane, not for Kohane's sake.
Except she made a promise.
She promised Kohane that she'd do it, her words bringing a smile to Kohane's tear-streaked face. It was the first time Kohane smiled since the event. If she goes back on it and breaks it, it'll also break Kohane's heart. Her now empty words will only push Kohane further away. No matter how daunting it is, how much she wants to cower and hide, she has to fulfill her promise.
And if surpassing RAD WEEKEND is all it takes to bring Kohane back, she'll do it no matter what.
She'll find a way to regain her power again, and she'll find a way to go even further than that, reaching new heights. She'll shock everyone with how good her singing is. She'll gloat to Akito about reaching her dream before him, make him regret ever leaving Vivid Street in the first place. She'll make Aunt Nagi wish she was here to witness her growth instead of spending all her time in America.
She'll capture Kohane's heart in mighty waves, and she'll prove that the ocean Kohane saw that day has only gotten stronger since.
Right now, though, the water remains deathly still.