Work Text:
Going for a trip on a Buddie Ship
R: do they ever stop?
H: anyone know what they are even fighting about now?
M: idk. Is Evan OK?
C: just bickering, babe. Think eddie ate some m&ms he was going to use for cookies
M: oh yep that'll do it
R: ya thats exactly it. How am I supposed to make monster cookies now, Ravi? Who goes digging for snacks in the baking cabinet?
H: they werent labeled hen! And the vending machine is broken. You know how I get without my afternoon sugar fix.
K: yall are in for a long afternoon
C: im about to yell the Q word
H: cap dont you dare
R: you all raked me over the coals when I did that
C: it wasn't even your shift
C: but seriously, this is like their third fight and we are only 6 hours in
H: its definitely escalating lately
K: they are gonna kiss each other or kill each other. Its a draw at this point
A: may and harry had a fight that went on for a week once. I finally sewed two tshirts together and made them wear it until they started giggling again
C: Athena thats genius
C: mads can you get a couple of shirts from bucks and work some magic?
M: ive already got my keys in my hands.
H: If this works ill kiss you
C: lips off hen
H: afraid ill turn your wife gay, han
C: maybe
M: if it were gonna be a woman…
M: it would probably be Athena 🤣🤣🤣
A: damn right 💅💅💅
H: respect that choice
K: same
R: same
C: this thread had gone off the rails
-
Those cookies were a new recipe he was going to test for Jee. She's been obsessed with Monsters Inc ever since she realized she looked like Boo, so he wanted to make monster cookies the next time he was over since they would inevitably watch the movie together again. Being with his niece and nephew is one of the only things keeping him grounded lately.
But nooooooo, Eddie can't respect his shit. He KNOWS the stuff in that cabinet is special - things he buys with his own money for his projects.
He could have asked. Buck would have said yes. He didn't need the whole bag. And sure. It's a stupid thing to be mad about.
It's not about the candy. Not really. But Eddie doesn't talk to him about anything anymore. Not even little things like this, let alone the big stuff that's actually bothering him - which is why he was probably digging for chocolate in the first place.
So it's not about the candy.
He just wants to know why his best friend is shutting him out.
-
He didn't even need the m&ms.
Well. He did. When he gets stressed, he needs something sweet. He wouldn't go so far to say he eats his feelings, but it does help him refocus the anxiety a little bit.
But mostly he had gone to the kitchen to find Buck and he wasn't there. Then he felt like he needed a reason to be there in the first place so he pretended to be looking in the cabinets, found the candy, and…he didn't mean to eat the whole bag!
He won’t admit to missing Buck. Not out loud. But he does. This tension between them is so damn frustrating and he doesn't know how to break it. Especially now that he's got his own house. He never comes over anymore. Why would he? He doesn't need Eddie anymore. He still sees Chris, he just doesn't show up every day, he doesn't haunt his house like he used to.
So Eddie had just wanted to be near him for a few minutes. Is that so wrong?
It wasn't about the candy.
He just wants to know why his best friend is shutting him out.
-
It comes to a head during their next call - an MVA, head on collision.
Chimney sends Buck and Eddie to check on the passengers of the main car, Hen and Ravi to the other. It's something they've done a thousand times.
The vics aren't badly injured, thankfully, it's just tough to get to them because of how the car crunched, and it takes Buck a long time with the saws and jaws to create a pocket big enough for Eddie to slide into the back.
“Come on, Buck, I gotta get in there!”
“You wanna do this, Eddie?"
“No, I WANT to get C-collars on my patients before you rock this damn car anymore."
By the time they get back to the station, they can't even look at each other. Buck marches off to the showers and tries to let the heat blast it all away.
It doesn't work.
When he comes back out, Eddie’s in the locker room, hair still dripping, doing up the buttons on his shirt, standing right in the way.
“Excuse me.”
“You’re excused.” He doesn't move though.
“Seriously? I'm standing in a towel. Can you let me through so I can get to my locker?”
“Plenty of room, just walk around the bench.”
“Christ. You’re being such a fucking asshole today.”
“Me? What's your fucking problem? All this over some stupid candy? You're being such a child, Buckley."
He's never squared up to Eddie before, but there's a first for everything.
“Buckley. Diaz. Get dressed and get out to the bay. Immediately.” Chim yells through the glass panels. He doesn’t get mad often, but when he does, you don't wanna fuck with him. This is one of those times.
Eddie finally moves.
-
He makes it into the bay first, Buck a minute behind him, having tossed on a department tshirt instead of his collared top, for efficiency probably. That tone of Chim’s didn't leave a lot of room for delay.
Hen and Ravi, he notices, are standing by the engine, very attentive.
“You two have been at each other's throats all shift. And not even just this one. I don't know what's going on with you two lately. But it needs to stop. You'll fix it by the end of this shift, or there will be real consequences and you won't like them.
He tosses Eddie a…tshirt? A really big one.
“Put it on.”
“Cap?”
“Both of you. Put it on.”
That’s when Eddie unfolds it and realizes…it’s two tshirts.
“Oh no.”
“Oh yes. You are gonna be stuck together from now until you figure this out.” Chim wiggles his finger between them. “If you're gonna act like children, I'm gonna treat you like children. You'll wear the shirt in house, and on calls you're gonna stick together like glue. Ravi will partner Hen and get some additional EMT training this shift. That display back on the 110 will NOT happen again. Understood?"
“Copy. But do we really have to wear the shirt, Chim? Come on.” Buck whines.
“You absolutely do. Get cozy, boys. You're gonna end up real close.”
-
“We might end up real close.”
That's what Buck had joked to Bobby on his way into the ambulance when he and Eddie had to diffuse the grenade on Charlie's leg.
Funny that those are the words Chimney uses now. They did end up real close. Closer than he's ever been with anyone. He actually let himself be vulnerable with Eddie.
What good did that do?
He snags the tshirt out of Eddie's hands and rips it over his head.. “Fine. Let's get this over with.”
Eddie just shakes his head.
“You gonna join me?” He gives him a challenging look.
“Yes, but you're gonna want to switch sides.”
“Ok know-it-all. Why?”
“Because I'm left handed and you're right. You put our dominant hands in the middle.”
Oh. Well. Dammit, he should have thought of that. He takes his arms out of the holes and spins it around. “Better?”
“It’ll be slightly easier to function, anyway."
“Well hurry up. I've gotta get dinner started.”
Fuck. How the hell is he supposed to cook like this?
“Cap, maybe we should order takeout tonight?’
Chim just smirks. “Oh no. Figure it out. Eddie can help. Last thing. If you cheat or break the bind before the fight is over, the loser has to do engine maintenance.
Bucks stomach drops. Engine maintenance. That means…no.
-
Chim can't be serious about the engine maintenance thing. Right?
He felt Buck stiffen when that chore was called out. Buck doesn't do engine maintenance. For one very specific reason.
Eddie can't let this go that far.
-
Going for a trip on a Buddie Ship
C: operation tshirt bonding has begun
R: *picture attached*
H: cap, you aren't actually going to make Buck do engine maintenance are you?
M: Howie!
C: im not that big of an asshole
C: the point is to make sure they fix it before they have to
A: ohhhhh youve become a captain, Howard Han.
A: Bobby would be proud
C: learned from the best
K: thats actually brilliant, but if it doesn't work, what's the plan
M: buck will literally melt down on your app floor
C: i wont let him go under the truck, babe. I’ll figure something else out
R: the showers could use a cleaning after that sewer call c shift had last night
C: bingo
-
How's he supposed to do this? Eddie's not just a bad cook. He's an absolute disaster in the kitchen. Buck didn't quite banish him from the room when he was cooking, but he was relegated to a corner or made to sit at the table and not move. Otherwise he's constantly under foot like a needy cat, and always eats half the ingredients.
Hm.
Like his m&ms.
It's fine. He'll give him some simple job to keep his hands busy.
“What are we making?”
“Pepa’s enchiladas. Have you ever made them before?”
He chuckles. “You know she never lets me in her kitchen.”
“Yeah there's a reason for that.” Buck heads to the fridge, but Eddie doesn't follow him and the shirt stretches. He twists and looks back. “Eddie, fridge.”
“Oh. Right. Sorry.”
Buck starts handing him things. “Hold on to these until we get back to the counter.”
“What, am I your grocery basket now?”
“Pretty convenient, actually.” He grins at him. “No it'll just be easier to make one big trip instead of trying to go back and forth. I'm taking stuff too.
“Oh. Got it.”
He starts chopping onions, peppers, and cilantro. Eddie just stands there with his arms folded.
“You could give me something to do. I'm not completely useless.”
Buck rolls his eyes. “That’s debatable.”
“Really, Buck?”
“Fine. Can you shred that cheese for me? The whole block. Grater is in the…fuck.” He puts his knife down. They have to step back to where the utensils are. Eddie grabs it and then starts to walk back.
“Wait, I might as well turn the oven on while I'm over here.” He flips it on and gets out the baking dishes and a big mixing bowl. “Ok.”
They work in silence for a while, until Buck realizes Eddie is stealing peppers and cheese.
“Can you try to save me SOMETHING to cook with?”
“I’m hungry. “
“Which is why I'm making dinner, Eddie. But if you keep shoving every raw ingredient I have in your mouth, I'll never be able to feed you.”
“You could have labeled the bag DO NOT EAT BUCK’S SPECIAL CANDY or something.”
“You could have just ASKED.”
“Why is it such a big deal? They are just cookies, Buck.”
“No. They weren't. But never mind. It's not like you care anyway.”
“What's that supposed to mean?”
"You don't ASK, Eddie. You just do whatever the hell you want.”
“Me?!”
“Yes.”
-
Eddie does whatever he wants? That’s so fucking rich. Eddie never does what he wants. Not once in his entire life.
There's so much he wants.
Instead he gets scraps.
“What have I done that I wanted to do, Buck? Tell me. Because I have no idea what you're talking about. “
“Nothing. Clearly. I'm an idiot, as usual. I need to cook this ground beef. Take a step this way please.”
He moves to allow Buck to reach the stove. He's angry but he doesn't want him to burn himself trying to reach the heat.
“I didn't say…you’re not an idiot, Buck, I just don't know what you mean.”
He slams the plan on the stove. “How often do I factor in your decisions?”
“What?”
“I’m your best friend, Eddie. We are supposed to be partners. Maybe it's stupid. It's not like we are that kind of partner but sometimes I think you deliberately do things and don't talk to me about them because you know it's gonna hurt.”
What on earth? How long has he felt this way? He twists a little in the shirt.
“Ok I really need more.”
“You put me in your will and didn't ask me.”
“That was years ago.”
“We never talked about what it means.”
“What it means?”
“Am I just some back up plan? Because dammit, Eddie, it sure felt like I lost my son too when he left. And you didn't get that. Not at all.”
The reality of that statement slams into Eddie like a wrecking ball. He keeps shoving Christopher at Buck and then taking him away. “Buck…”
“You didn't just mess him up, you know. It hurt me too. And then you decided to move away, again, without talking to me about it. And yeah, I wanted Chris back just as bad as you did. But maybe we could have found a different solution.”
“You never…why didn't you say anything?”
“What was I supposed to say? Hey, I'm sorry your heart is broken but mine is too?”
“Yes!”
“Oh.”
“You could have said exactly that, Buck. I can't read your damn mind.”
“It used to feel like you could. It doesn't anymore. Or, like, you don't want to.” His voice is quiet. Sad. “Grab the tortillas, you're gonna help me roll these while I make the sauce.”
He shows him what to do.
“It’s not that I don't want to, Buck. I don't know how to reach you. You've shut me out.”
“Ever wonder if there's a reason for that?”
“Only every single day. Just got a little tired of trying to figure it out.”
“Glad I’m worth the effort. I know it's so exhausting.”
“I was angry when I said that. I didn't mean…”
“You’re always angry, Eddie. Maybe now it's my turn.”
Um ok, ouch.
“I think I'm done talking. Roll the enchiladas.”
-
He will not cry. Not when he’s tied up in this fucking shirt trying to make dinner for the house.
There's so much more he wants to say. So much more he needs to say. But it's not important, not to Eddie. It won't fix anything.
He needs space, not this stupid punishment Chim has concocted.
Buck feels like he's gonna crawl out of his skin, so he just decides to go quiet for a while, stir the sauce, finish dinner.
But Eddie’s not satisfied with that.
“I didn't want you to talk me out of going.”
“Eddie stop.”
“I knew you would, and if you tried I would have listened.”
“Eddie. I said stop.”
“No Buck, listen.”
He turns off the heat and slams the pot on the counter. “Eddie. SHUT THE FUCK UP.”
He shoves at him, which only makes it worse because Eddie rebounds and ends up catching himself by grabbing onto Buck’s biceps, standing way too close.
Eddie blushes and steps away. “Sorry.” He lowers his head and goes back to rolling the tortillas.
-
Going for a trip on a Buddie Ship
R: cap they actually might kill each other
C: was that buck
R: hes real pissed.
H: dont think this is about m&ms
R: he was yelling about texas
M: oh no
R: something about being in eddies will too. And chris being his son
A: he said what now
K: oh Eddie what did you do
C: im gonna pull some paperwork, hang on
C: oooohhhhh shit
M: what did you find?
C: i dont think I can tell the group, but this is bigger than we thought
H: if chim is keeping secrets, then is this something a tshirt can fix?
K: Athena, one of them is gonna end up with a murder charge
A: i can't get them out of that one
Han Residence
M: what is it, Howie
C: Buck is Christopher’s legal guardian in case of Eddie's death. Its dated April 2020
M: is that the well
C: yep
M: wow. Thats a lot of information
M: bucks always been like his father but
C: he legally almost is
C: hes also got buck down as his POA and medical proxy
C: i already knew they were each others emergency contacts
M: they dont even know they are married
M: this really is gonna break his heart, howie, if it doesn't work
C: i might have fucked up
C: they arent talking at all now. just standing in the kitchen ignoring each other.
M: bad. this is real bad.
-
The tray of enchiladas goes in the oven and they throw a salad together.
“Fuck, I need a break. Do we have to piss in this shirt too or can I go to the fucking bathroom without you?”
“He said all shift so…”
“Jesus fucking Christ. Fine.”
“I'll turn my back.”
“Whatever you want. Just…come on I guess.”
They are alone in the bathroom, so Eddie tries again, taking a hold of Buck’s shoulders to make him look his way.
“So you're still mad at me for Texas? Is that what this is about?”
“I’m not mad at you, Eddie. Mad is the wrong word."
“Ok. So what's the right one?”
“I don't know. Hurt? Lonely? It feels like you never came back. Not really.”
“What do you mean? I'm right here. Like literally RIGHT HERE.” He gestures at the shirt holding them together.
“Physically, sure. But you haven't been the same. You don't talk to me, you barely even look at me. You can hardly stand to be in the same room. I lived in the same house for months and we maybe had three real conversations without Chris? And one of them was a huge blow up fight.”
“You didn't exactly act like you wanted to be there either, Buck. You've been a ghost.”
“My fucking father died!”
“I know that.”
“He died, Eddie. I was one of the last ones to see him. He told me he loved me and I couldn't say it back because I was too busy screaming for him. And some of his last words to me - he lied.”
Bobby lied? What is he talking about?
“What do you mean?”
“It’s nothing. I don't want to talk about it.”
“Hey. It's not nothing, clearly.”
“It’s not your burden to carry. But I've tried to make sure everyone was ok, hold everything together, but no one needed me. Everyone was fine. Chim asked you to stay, so you stayed. Chris came back, just like that.” He snaps his fingers. “I saved your house for you, everything is perfect.”
Eddie's head is spinning. He thinks he stayed because Chim asked him to? And Chris…they never did talk about what made Chris come back. Buck’s right, there's so much they haven't talked about, and Eddie hasn't made everything clear.
“Can we sit?”
“No. Dinner should be almost done. Need to get back upstairs.”
“Ok. Later though. I'm not done talking about this.”
-
Eddie looked confused during the conversation in the bathroom, like all the pieces didn't fit.
But how is Buck supposed to know what he's got wrong if he won't talk to him?
Dinner is a tense affair. The team tries to tease them about the shirt but they get twin dirty looks for their troubles.
Thankfully the alarm rings out halfway through and Buck’s out of the bond before Eddie even lays down his fork. Doesn't matter, the man climbs into the truck and sits next to him. “Cap says we are still attached at the hip even without the shirt.”
“Fine. Still remember how to do heavy rescue?”
“You know I do. Don't insult me.”
“You’ve been taking it easy on ambo for almost a year.”
“Easy? I'd like to see you do what I do for a day.”
He stops mouthing off. Eddie's a brilliant paramedic, and he is actually proud of him for getting his certification. He misses his partner on scene, but the move has been good for him. He sees that.
He lets his knee fall to the side, his thigh lining up with Eddie’s, a slight apology. He feels his friend take an uneasy breath, but he relaxes, leaning into the touch.
It's the first truce they've had all day.
-
A car swerved off the road into a retention pond, one which, thanks to the rain they've had in the last few days, is actually full of water. It's sinking. Fast.
Buck’s technically the lead, since he's the one actually assigned to heavy rescue but water situations will always be tough, so Eddie dives without bothering to discuss it. No sense in making him more anxious than he has to be.
Thankfully there's only one passenger, and he gets her up quick, Buck waiting on shore to help.
He's very clearly ticked off, and lets him know as soon as Hen and Ravi take over.
“You know what I said about making decisions without me? Yeah. EXACTLY like that, Eddie. What the hell were you thinking?”
“I was thinking that you hate shit like this so it would be better for me to go in.”
“You think I can't do my job?”
“I think you're excellent at your job! I just didn't see a reason for you to have to get wet this time.”
He's shivering. It's dark and cold out here.
“Fuck you’re freezing. Let's get you a warming blanket, come on.”
-
Buck should have been the one to make that save. A million things could have gone wrong in that dark pond. It's not that Eddie isn't capable, he's just as trained as Buck is to do that kind of rescue. But he didn't even give him a chance to make the call. His seniority might only be one year, but he does have it, especially now that Eddie’s changed positions. He's never undermined him like that before. They disagree on strategies sometimes, but Eddie always trusts him to make a plan before they go running in. It was something they'd promised each other after too many bad calls. They always check in.
This wasn't that.
Eddie heads for the showers when they get back, and Buck begrudgingly goes to the loft to get the shirt. When Eddie comes back out, putting on a new uniform, Buck holds out his side and lets him slip back in.
“You scared me.”
“I was fine, Buck.”
“That’s not the point, Eds. I can't have your back if I'm not ready for you.”
Eddie sighs. “You’re right. I just didn't want you to have to go under. That's all.”
“I’ve gotten better. Ravi's not as strong a swimmer as I am.”
“I know you can do it. But I was there, you didn't have to.”
“But this is what I mean, Eds. Not everything has to go my way, I just want you to say ‘Hey, Buck, let me take this one.’”
“Yeah, I get that.”
He sits down, tugging Eddie down with him.
“When did you stop trusting me?”
“I didn't."
Buck looks at him over his shoulder. “You did. I just don't know when. Or what I did to cause it. And I don't know how to fix it because I can't figure it out for the life of me.”
“There’s nothing you can fix, Buck.”
“Oh.” A lump forms in his throat.
“That came out wrong. I just mean…fuck. Nothing's broken. There's nothing to fix.”
“Sure feels broken to me.”
“I didn't stay for Chim.”
“Yes you did. You were going back to your job in El Paso until he took your phone.”
Eddie shrugs. “You put in for a transfer. I wasn't the only one leaving. But I flew across town to that building to pull you out. Not Chim, not Hen. Not Ravi. You.”
“I…oh. I just figured you just came to help.”
“I mean. Yeah, I saw the 118 on the news and grabbed my gear. But there was really only one thought in my head. ‘Get to Buck.’”
“I am glad you came. Barely made it out even with you there.”
“That building coming down around you? Wasn't sure the line would hold.”
“Glad it did.”
“Me too.” Eddie rubs a palm over his face. “Why did you leave?”
“Your house?”
“Yeah.”
“Because it was your house. Was I just supposed to sleep on your couch forever?”
“No, I guess not.”
“Besides. You didn't need me anymore. You and Chris…you were better. Are better.” He shrugs. “I was just in the way. I didn't want to keep making things about me.”
“Buck, you saved my house. I couldn't have done any of it without you. You think I don't need you?”
“No. You're fine without me. I see it everyday.”
Eddie looks at him critically for a moment. “What did Bobby say to you? What did he lie about?”
“I don't want to talk about it. I told you that.”
“You keep saying that we don't need you like it means something, like I should know what it means.”
Buck hangs his head, rubs the back of his neck. He hates thinking about this.
“Buck?”
“He said I'd be ok. And that you were all gonna need me.” His voice cracks, and it only makes him angry. “But he lied. No one needs me, and I'm not ok.”
-
“No one needs me, and I'm not ok.”
Oh Buck.
He reaches over and pulls his hand off his lap, threads their fingers together. “We really do. You're the glue. Chim might be the captain. But it's you we look to for guidance and moral and…just…I dunno. You're the heart of this place. We'd just be a regular firehouse without you here. Not a family.”
“You'd be fine.”
“Fine, sure. But we'd go back to ordering take out and eating separately around the bay like we did when Gerrard was here. And without family dinners, we'd stop talking. We'd all drift until we barely hung out anymore. It would just be work.”
“You all seem to be getting along and I'm just on the outside.”
“And we all miss you. All of us. You think we don't notice how you've pulled away?”
Buck shrugs at him, sniffles.
“Are you trying to protect yourself?”
“I loved Bobby and he's gone.”
“He didn't leave you because he wanted to, bud.”
"You don't know, Eds. He could have gotten out, and he chose not to.”
“He was sick. They quarantined him.”
But Buck shakes his head. Tears on his cheeks. He looks up, seeing the others milling around. “I can't talk about this here.”
“Roof?”
“Ok.”
“Come on.”
-
Going for a trip on a Buddie Ship
H: whatever they are talking about, its serious
R: buck was crying on the way to the roof
C: Bad. Bad. Bad.
M: give them time. It'll get worse before it gets better
A: how hard was he crying
R: not, like, sobbing. But he had those creases in his face that he gets when hes really upset about something
M: youve gotten to know him pretty well Ravi
R: he doesnt hide his feelings well
K: hes not wrong
K: and if one person can read him, its eddie
A: they are talking about Bobby
C: you think?
A: I do. Theres things only buck and I know. Things he doesn't show anyone else. I wonder if he hasn't told eddie either.
H: how worried should we be, Athena
A: hes with Eddie. Let them work it out.
A: if things get worse, call me and ill come over
-
Buck's default would be to pace right now, but he's held in place by Eddie, who tends to go into military stillness in situations like this. He wants to scream.
“Tell me.”
“You shouldn't hear it.”
“Maybe not. But you need to put it somewhere. Have you talked to anyone about it?”
“Dr. Copeland. And Athena knows some.”
“So no. Not really.”
“No. Not really.”
“What happened?”
“He wasn't quarantined. They didn't quarantine him. He did it to himself.”
“Ok. I can understand that. He knew he was sick. Bobby was just as self-sacrificing as you can be. It's one of the things you had in common.”
“He waited until I was there. I went back for him, because he didn't follow us out. But when I found him, he hit the button and closed the door. Took off his mask without a word, just looked at me until I saw him bleed. Let me come to the realization myself that he was gonna die. I tore that place apart, Eddie. There was no way in.”
“Fuck. So when we fought, and I yelled at you…”
“Yeah. Maybe one of the cruelest things you could have possibly said.”
“Why didn't you fight back that night? You just…took it.”
“I didn't have a whole lot of fight left.”
“I wanted you to fight.”
“What the fuck, Eddie?”
“I thought you would. I was picking. At least at first. Like I said earlier, you were a ghost. I came back from Texas and you were barely there. I just wanted you to talk to me. And you wouldn't.”
“So you picked the biggest fight we've ever had? So I would what? Pay attention to you?”
“Sounds stupid out loud like that. But yeah. I wanted you to show some emotion. ANY emotion. Something. Instead you shut down again.”
“It was the grocery fight all over again for me. Instead of telling me I was exhausting, you said I was so dramatic I was a damn Shakespearian tragedy. What emotion was I supposed to give you that wasn't a 98th act?”
“Ok. I deserved that.”
“Mmm.”
“But go back. He really made you watch him die?”
“Worse. He didn't let me. He kicked me out so he could be with Athena at the end. Which I get. But I had to see him shut himself away. I could not get to him. And then I had to leave. Kinda fell apart in the hallway. My legs just gave out on me. Eddie, I didn't call you because I couldn't. Tommy had to carry me into my apartment that night. He told me he would call you for me, so I didn't have to worry about it. I thought you'd call me the next day when he told you.”
“He did. He didn't tell me he had to take you home though. I would have been on the next flight if I knew any of this."
“He didn't tell you? He's the one who pulled me off the hallway floor. They sent him in because the rest of the crew was busy with the others. He wanted to stay the night but…well…I’d already kicked him out once. I wasn't in any shape to have another fight with him.”
“Yep. Missing something else here aren't I?"
Fuck. He really hates this damn shirt.
“Isleptwithhimwhileyouwereintexas.”
“Sorry?”
“I slept with him while you were in Texas."
“Yeah that's what I thought you said. Why the fuck would you do that? He hurt you so bad the first time.”
“Didn't feel great the second time either. But I was drunk and he was there and I was lonely.”
“Wait. You kicked him out. Of my house.”
“Mmhmm. Technically my house at the time.”
“Ok. Sure.” Eddie's face is dark.
“You’re judging me.”
“Not judging, no. Just…I know it’s not my business, but I don’t like it.”
“It's really not.” Buck lifts his hands and drops them, before trying to step away again and getting flipped back by the cotton. “DAMMIT.”
-
“Whoa.” Eddie puts out his hands to catch him. “Breathe, Buck.”
“I can't take this anymore. I'm gonna freak the fuck out if I can’t move.”
He really might. “Ok. Let's take the shirt off for a minute. One minute.” He lifts it off Buck’s head. “Get the jitters out before someone comes looking for us.”
Buck shakes his entire body, then jogs to one side of the roof and back, does some jumping jacks. He seems more settled, and pulls the shirt back on, tilting his head against Eddie's shoulder. “Thanks.”
“No problem.” He places a light hand on his friend's head, unable to resist tugging on a curl.
“We keep talking about me. But as you have so often pointed out this isn't all about me. You've pulled away too, Eds. You barely text me anymore, movie nights are only for you and Chris now.”
Eddie drags his friend down to sit against the wall side by side.
“That’s not true. You are always welcome at our house, Buck. We miss you being there.”
“You told me you wanted movie nights with just Chris."
He did? “When?”
“After you moved back. After the funeral.”
Ohhhhh shit. Eddie you fucking moron. “That one night. Buck. I just wanted that one night. Chris and I had something to discuss, just the two of us. I didn't mean forever. You thought I meant all of them? That's why you stopped coming?"
“Yeah. I thought you wanted it to be a father-son thing.”
“Jesus no. I mean, yeah, but that included you too.”
“I’m not his dad, Eddie.”
“Yeah. You kinda are. Maybe I should have acknowledged that sooner. I figured you knew.”
“I feel like it sometimes. I want to be. But I know I'm not.”
“What does a father do? A real one. Not our shitty ones.”
Buck’s quiet for a moment. “Bobby loved me no matter what, even when I was a stupid reckless kid. We fought, we didn't always get each other, but he cared and I knew he cared. And he kept teaching me - about fire service, about life, just…everything.”
“You love Chris unconditionally. You've always seen him first, before his disability. You've always shown up, even when things are hard. And when aren't you teaching that kid something new? Half of his mannerisms are yours, Buck. That's not an accident or a coincidence.”
“I’d do anything for that kid, you know that.”
“I do. In exactly the same way I would. His father. Because you're one too.”
“You aren't just trying to give me Chris again because we are fighting, are you?”
“I do tend to do that, don't I?"
“Buck’s upset, Chris will fix it.”
“It’s just the easiest way to get you to smile again.”
“I need more than an easy fix, Eddie."
“I know.” He's quiet for a moment, leaning his head back on the brick. “I’m just not always very good at knowing what that is. Never have been.”
“Ever think that maybe I don't need some grand gesture, that I just need you?"
Buck's not looking at him. He's staring straight ahead, his hands wrapped over his bent knees.
It hits Eddie all at once.
Buck’s in love with him. He hisses in a breath. God.
“Buck…”
“I gotta go.” He starts to strip off the shirt.
“Buck, wait.”
“No, Eddie, it's fine. I'm glad we talked. I'll tell Chim it was me. I need to go work on the trucks.”
“You can't."
“I’ll have to. I'll be fine.”
He stands up with Buck, grabs his arm to stop him, but Buck doesn't turn around.
“When did you know? How long, Buck?”
He feels the fight drain out of him, and his voice is so quiet when he answers, not turning around, just looking at the ground. “I dunno. It's been over time. The well. Then the sniper. Then when I was in a coma and missing someone I shouldn't have known even existed. But watching you drive away with that Uhaul…it nearly killed me.”
He leaves then, opening the door to the roof and walking down the stairs.
It takes Eddie a minute to follow him, stripping off the shirt entirely, looking at it in his hand. He has to tell him. He can't keep putting it off. This has all gone too far.
He runs down the stairs, leaning down 3 or 4 at a time. He catches Buck crossing the app floor, calling to him.
“Carla. You gave me Carla. That's when it started for me. Then the well and the sniper. You died. Your heart was not beating. I brought you back to life. And then I couldn't even be in the hospital room with you because it was too damn scary.”
Buck stops dead in his tracks and turns around, a confused look on his face, and Eddie finally catches up. He can feel everyone watching from the loft but he doesn't care.
“But Freddy Fakeman. That's when I knew for sure. You literally knocked me back on my heels when I understood what you'd done. I should have done this then, but everyone was standing there, and it all hit me so fast and so hard…you changed the subject and so I let it go. I'm not letting that happen this time. I don't care who is watching.”
He grabs Buck’s hand and yanks him closer. “You’re supposed to be attached to me anyway. You're too far away. “ He drags him down by the neck and kisses him. He hears gasps from above but doesn't pay attention. His entire world narrows to this one moment.
Going for a trip on a Buddie Ship
H: holy shit
R: it…worked
C: i am a genius
C: Athena is a genius
A: i better get credit if it's good news
R: *video attached*
K: to echo my wife, holy shit
M: oh my god its happening
M: im free
M: i mean he's gonna be even more obnoxious
C: completely insufferable
C: but this is an improvement
H: im already ordering the cake
R: how soon do we think they will get married
A: who won the bet
K: Maddie won the time frame
K: chim won for having the successful strategy
C: nope thats all Athena. I just used her idea
A: wow it must really be working
C: youre not here to see this
H: Maddie if you dispatch us to call right now im coming for you.
M: I just deferred one away actually. Let them have their moment.
-
Buck can't breathe. He's being kissed. By Eddie. Who might love him back?
“Eddie. Are you…do you…what?” He shakes the fog out of his head.
“Gay? Yeah. That's why I only wanted to talk to Chris that night. I came out to him.”
He breaks into laughter, and it’s Eddie’s turn to look confused. "Why is that funny?”
“Because I told both Maddie and Tommy that I wasn't in love with you because you were straight.”
“You can be in love with someone even if they don't love you back.”
“I am well aware of that. But…you do?”
“Yeah. I do.”
“So this whole thing…all of it. We've just been shutting each other out because we couldn't say it out loud?”
He leans against the truck and Eddie doesn't quite pin him in, but stands in his personal bubble. “I was working on it. I wasn't trying to shut you out, I just…wasn't ready. It's taken a lot to come to terms with it all.”
“And I thought you weren't an option. Eddie, I moved out because I needed space. I thought you wanted space.”
Eddie shakes his head, taking Buck's hands. “I have never ever wanted space from you.”
“Kiss me again?”
“Mmm. One sec.” He looks up at the loft. “You busy bodies did this. Mind giving us some privacy for a few minutes?”
“Ope!” Hen laughs and ducks away, tugging Chim and Ravi with her.
“Better.” He leans his body weight against Buck, properly pinning him now. “Wanted this for too damn long, Buck. We still have things we need to talk about.”
“I know. We will. Just…later.” He cups Eddie’s jaw in his big warm hands and tilts his face up, meeting Eddie halfway. The kiss is soft and slow, Eddie’s hands gripping his hips, his thumbs pressing into his pelvis. “God, Eds.”
“I know. The rest of this shift is gonna feel so long.”
“We should find a way to speed it up.”
“I don’t believe in jinxes, but…”
Buck smirks, then tilts his head up toward the loft, and raises his voice. “Damn. Ya’ll sure got QUIET up there!”
They hear a round of groans, and then the alarm bell rings. Eddie laughs against his shoulder, then kisses him again before he grabs Buck’s hand and tugs him into the engine. Every rescue they handle for the rest of the night feels like old times, only even better. Because at the end of it, they know they are going home together.