Chapter Text
It was a summery day in Gravity Falls. The first summery day since the last summery day of last summer, which was also the last day of summer, when Dipper and Mabel left Gravity Falls where they had been staying for the summer to go back home because they couldn’t live there except in the summer. But this summery day was the first summery day of a new summer because it was the first day of this summer, the first summer since last summer, and since Dipper and Mabel had begged their parents all not-summer they stepped out of the bus and into the summery day, the first summery day of another summer in Gravity Falls for the second summer in a row since last summer. This time they didn’t hate it and were excited because of everything that had happened last summer where they learned that actually Gravity Falls didn’t suck except for that part at the end when a triangle tried to kill everyone and a few parts in the middle with triangle man and some other people but other than that they did like Gravity Falls. The golden rays of the sun glided gently down to rest on the ground like birds if birds didn’t know how to flap. Or airplanes landing, unlike a bus, which just drove on the ground.
Dipper and Mabel stepped out of the bus into a summer in Gravity Falls. There were some people waiting in front of the bus. “HI EVERYONE” Mabel exclaimed. “Hi everyone” Dipper greeted. Waddles, who was a pig, made a pig noise, but if he hadn’t been a pig it probably would have sounded like “hi everyone”. Or maybe not. He was a pig so it was hard to tell.
They then went to the Mystery Shack. It looked mostly the same, just a little bit a robot from that time last summer when they fought a triangle.
“Hi Mystery Shack” exclaimed Mabel because if anyone here would be talking to inanimate objects it would probably be Mabel. “Why are you talking to the shack Mabel” asked Stan because he did not see the joy in speaking to inanimate objects. “Dude” shouted Soos because that’s the only word he’s allowed to use. Dipper and Ford did not contribute to the conversation because they were too busy being nerds.
They went inside. Dipper and Mabel unpacked their stuff. When they came downstairs Ford was standing there with a very serious look on his face. “A bad thing has happened” he whispered loudly and seriously. “Oh no grunkle Ford what is it” shrieked Mabel. “Oh no what happened” questioned Dipper sadly. Ford looked down seriously. “It’s...” he paused dramatically “Bill Cipher”
“Dude” Soos shouted because he still existed.
“But we killed him” Dipper exclaimed.
“Nuh uh” Ford grumbled. “We thought we did.”
“What do we do” gasped Dipper who was starting to panic. “Thats not great” announced Mabel who was throwing glitter at the wall.
“Follow me” uttered Ford.
They walked out of the shack and to the woods where there was a statue of Bill Cipher that went there after he got dead. But obviously he did not got completely dead if he was still causing problems. Ford pointed at the statue. “Look at it” he declared. Dipper and Mabel looked at it. There was a giant crack in the statue. “Oh no” shrieked Dipper. “Oh no” exclaimed Mabel as she put a hat on the statue. It already had a hat because Bill had a hat so it looked kind of weird.
Stan, who was there also, swatted the hat off the statue. “Its probably nothing”
“Dude” Soos exclaimed again.
Dipper fell on the floor which was actually the ground because the woods were outside. He was scared. He was not a huge fan of being dead. He had never tried it and never wanted to, but he got a little free trial when he got possessed by bill. If he could have he would have given it zero out of five stars. “was not fun. like dying but not. bad. would not recommend.” that is what he would write probably. But because you can’t give zero stars he gave it one star. “Oh no we almost died last summer how are we going to not die this summer” he screamed. Mabel put a hat on him. She had a lot of hats. She tried to put a hat on Stan but he swatted it off. She kept trying because she knew the value of persistence.
Stan did not appreciate the value of persistence. He kept swatting the hats. Mabel kept persistencing.
“Oh no” screeched Dipper because everyone was distracted by the hats and he wanted to remind the world that he was still here and still having problems.
“I know” declared Ford. “This is...” he paused dramatically “not good”
“Dude” exclaimed Soos.
“We’ll just kill him again” Mabel stated. She put another hat on Stan. He swatted it off. She kept trying because she knew the value of persistence.
“I’m afraid we can’t” declared Ford
“Why not” questioned Dipper
“Because...” he paused dramatically for a long time
“Dude” exclaimed Soos
“Shut up” Stan yelled, swatting off another hat. “why can we not kill him”
“because he is inside the statue” exclaimed Ford.
“Okay” yelled Stan. “Mabel I need a sledgehammer.”
“Yes” exclaimed Mabel as she started to build a sledgehammer out of confetti and glitter glue
“No” cautioned Ford. “That would free him from the statue and then we would all die”
“What do we do” shouted Dipper who was still here and still afraid of death. Coward. He was still lying on the floor but he pulled out the journals and started to look at them. “There is nothing in here about how to kill him. We will all die” he yelled
“I...” Ford paused dramatically again. Everyone stared at him and waited for what he was going to say.
Everyone stood around for a little bit. A cricket made a cricket noise.
Mabel poked his shoulder. He didn’t move. “Oh no he’s dead” she declared
“Dude” Soos exclaimed, just to remind everyone that he was still here and still alive. “Oh no” Dipper screamed, just to remind everyone that he was still here and still afraid of not being alive anymore. “Money” laughed Stan. He was thinking about money. He enjoyed money. It was very green and that brought him happiness. In a way, it reminded him of his childhood, because it served as a metaphor for currency, just like his childhood. Unlike his childhood, he could bribe people with it. Actually, he had never tried bribing someone with his childhood. He wondered if that would work.
Mabel hit him in the head with a stick. “The real money was the friends we made along the way” she reminded him.
“The real money was the money we made along the way” replied Stan. He thought about money again and laughed. This time it reminded him of how money is good and it solves all the problems. “Money” he whispered
Mabel hit him with the stick again. “Friends we made along the way” she yelled
Stan did not answer. He had seen Soos’s shirt and it was green like money. He liked money. Money was green. Trees were green. Maybe money did grow on trees. Maybe the real trees were the money we made along the way. Maybe the real friends we made along the way were money we made along the way. He imagined a dollar bill rotating in a circle. It was beautiful. It was circly, unlike triangles. There was a triangle on the back with an eye, and that gave him an idea. “We can bribe Bill Cipher” he exclaimed “With MONEY”
“Hmmmmmmm” shouted Mabel, putting another hat on him.
“don’t know” declared Ford, having finally decided to finish pausing dramatically.
“Dude” Soos yelled. “Dude” Mabel agreed. “Dude” exclaimed everyone else within a five mile radius.
“Wait whats happening” questioned Ford. “We are bribing Bill Cipher” screamed Stan. “HEY TRIANGLE GUY DO YOU LIKE MONEY” he questioned, waving money in the air.
“Oh no” grumbled Ford. “Oh no” agreed Dipper. “Dude” Soos helpfully informed everyone
Suddenly there was a noise. It sounded like “HA HA HA HA HA AHA HA AHA AHAHAH AHA HA H AHAHHAHAHAH HA AHAH AHAH H HA AHHAH HAHAHAAHAA AHAAA HA AHA AHAA AHAH AHAHHAHA AHHAHAH AH AHA HAHHHAHAHAHAHA AHA HAH AAA A HA A AH AA A HA A AHHAHA HAHHA HA HA H HAA AA A AH AH HA HA HH HA A H H AHAH AHAH AHH A HHAHAH AHAHAH HAHA A A AHAHH AHAHAHA HA AHAAHAHHAHA HA AH AHH H H A A A AHHAHAHA AHHAHA H HA HAHA HHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHHHAHAHAH HA AHHAH H H AHHA H H A HAH HHAH HAHA HAHA AH AHAHAHH AHAHHAHAHAHHAH H HH HAHH HA HA AH HHHAHH H HA HA H HA AH AHA HA HAH HA HA HHA HA HA AH AH AH HA HA AH AH HAH HHA HAHA HA H HAHA H AH AHA AH AH HA AHAH HA AH AH AH H AHA HA” There was lightning and a thunder noise even though it had previously been such a lovely summery summer day in Gravity Falls, the place where everyone was.
From the sky there was a shape. It was glowing. It was yellow. It was a triangle. It was Bill Cipher, who everyone hated because he tried to kill everyone a little. it didn’t work but it was still a bad experience. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH” shreiekd everyone there.
“HA HA HA IM NOT ACTUALLY DEAD” yelled Bill Cipher the triangle. “I WAS JUST RESTING”
“Dude” Soos shouted because honestly this seemed a little bit of a contradiction to that time when Bill did get dead.
“WELL TOO BAD I DIDN’T FEEL LIKE DYING SO I DIDN’T. LOSERS” yelled Bill
“What do we do” questioned Dipper
“Do not worry” announced Ford. “I have a plan.”
“What is your plan” wondered Mabel
“Let’s go somewhere that is not where Bill is” declared Ford
They ran. They ran for a long time, like at least five minutes, until they got to the Mystery Shack, only it wasn’t there, because it was gone. “What” exclaimed Stan
“HA HA HA” laughed a voice above them. It was Bill. “I TOOK YOUR HOUSE” he informed everyone “What did you do to the shack” questioned Mabel “I TOOK IT I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT” he spoke “Oh okay” Mabel agreed “ANYWAY IM GOING TO COMMIT A MURDER ON YOU” Bill announced
“Oh no” yelled everyone except Soos who shouted “dude” again. They all ran away but since bill was a flying triangle he just followed them. It was kind of pathetic. “STOP RUNNING” asked Bill. “No” shouted someone.
They kept running. They ran really hard for a really long time until they were all tired. They were now at Stan’s car. “Get in my car!” He yelled. They got in his car and he got in the drivers seat. Wendy was also there. “Hi guys what’s up” she greeted. “NO TIME FOR THAT WE NEED TO GO!!!” yelled everyone.