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Shauna felt incomplete. Her whole life she’d always been clinging to somebody, following along behind them and hiding as much of herself as she could in their shadow.
It was quiet. Sorrow felt that way, it seemed. Everytime Shauna wanted to kick something in and scream with rage or sob until her lungs hurt, it was always uncomfortably silent.
If she listened close enough, she could maybe hear the soft sounds of the rest of the group breathing. But not Jackie.
No, there was no sign of that soft gasp Jackie sometimes exhaled when she was in the midst of a bad dream, or even the quiet sighs as she rolled over. Shauna heard none of it, not like she’d been able to since the plane crash.
It was a stupid concept, that you would have no idea how much you should have appreciated something until it was gone. It was true though, Shauna supposed.
God, she couldn’t sleep. And with all the hunger coursing through her, less sleep was the last thing Shauna needed.
When she lifted her head from her cocoon of blankets, she looked out the window instantly. She always kind of hated the damn thing, but she didn’t exactly have the supplies to board it up.
It made the feeling of being watched that Shauna had always felt out here all the more apparent. She shivered. It must be cold outside.
Flecks of white fall and Shuna follows them until she can’t anymore, much akin to watching raindrops race down the window whenever you were riding in the backseat of a car.
Snow.
It’s snowing.
How long had it been snowing? How much colder did it get since Shauna wrapped herself up for the night.
She felt nauseous as soon as she tried to move, but she didn’t let it slow her down. She flung the blankets off of herself and pulled her shoes on.
Shauna tried her best to be quiet as she crept down the ladder and tiptoed on the floorboards between sleeping bodies.
The door groaned as it opened, but she glanced behind her and didn’t see any heads pop up to admonish her. Shauna closed it behind her, hugging her much too thin jacket to her body as she continued past the porch.
There was snow on the ground and though it hadn’t seemed to stick much yet, Shauna imagined it would start to soon.
“Jackie?” Shauna called.
She continued forward until she was standing over Jackie’s body, curled up and trembling.
“Jesus Christ…” Shauna muttered to herself as she crouched down and grasped Jackie’s shoulder. She felt movement in her belly but ignored it. “Jackie? Hey,” she tried again.
After another beat of silence —except for the wind that seemed to nip at Shauna’s face until it went numb.
Shit, how long had Jackie been out here for? What time was it exactly?
The sky was pitch black, so Shauna could hardly tell. She focused instead on moving her arm, jostling Jackie’s body in an effort to get her to open her eyes.
“Jackie!” Shuana got louder. “Wake up! What are you doing?” She leaned over, putting her knees in the snow. Her fingers already felt like they were going to fall off and she’d hardly been out here a full minute.
“Guys!” She yelled, toward the cabin this time. “Shit, shit, shit. Hang on, Jackie. Don’t fucking freeze to death or I swear to– fuck!”
Shauna tripped as she tried to stand, panic and chill abruptly coursed over her all at once, but she pushed against the wind and got on both feet.
She swung the door open. “Somebody help! I think Jackie is gonna get frostbite, or– or hypothermia or something! Wake the fuck up already, somebody!”
The first to sit up is Lottie, then Taissa. A few more girls, then Travis seems to wake while rubbing his eyes.
“What’s going on, Shauna?” Natalie is the one who asks, she thinks. She doesn’t really fucking care though.
“Help me get Jackie inside! It’s snowing! It’s fucking… like… freezing out there!”
There’s a chorus of voices, all confused and questioning, but Shauna ignores them and starts dragging the closest person to the door up and onto their feet.
“Please,” Shauna begs, her heart stuttering as she realizes she’s already started crying. “You have to save her. She’s gonna die… I can’t let her…” She trails off into nonsensical pleads.
A few people shove past her to venture outside. She turns around and opens her eyes enough to watch blearily as they haul Jackie’s frigid body inside and start heating water up over the indoor fire.
Shauna crashes to Jackie’s side as soon as the others have set her down to lie on her back. She finds both of Jackie’s hands and cradles them in her own, rubbing in an attempt to offer some of her own, measly body heat.
When that doesn’t seem to do much, she leans over to pull Jackie’s upper body into her lap and folds over her until she’s surrounding Jackie’s head and the top half of her chest.
Shauna continues mumbling vague apologies and begins to rock back and forth quickly. She’s pushed away from Jackie after only a small moment and somebody’s dipping a rag into a steaming bowl across from Shauna, then dragging it all over Jackie’s exposed skin; her face and ears, her hands, her neck.
Shauna tries to help. She reaches for a rag, then a bowl, but each time she’s pushed away and told to just keep holding Jackie as she is.
She isn’t sure how long it takes, —it feels like hours, maybe days— but eventually Jackie’s eyes roll open and her chest is rumbling as she gives a moan of discontent.
“What the hell?” Jackie coughs. “Get off me. Shauna?”
Shauna ignores her mostly, just glad like she’s never been before that Jackie can look at her and talk to her and recognize her, of all things. She reaches down and hugs Jackie as tightly as she can, crying into her shoulder.
“Jackie! Jackie, I’m so sorry. I never meant it. I swear I didn’t, I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry. I’ll make it better. We’ll fix it. I wanna fix it. Just don’t leave, don’t leave ever again. Please.”
She feels a moment of tenseness, then Jackie’s arms are shakily wrapping around her back. “Shauna,” she pushes Shauna gently off of her, but not too far. “I’m fine. I’m okay.”
Shauna nods through her tears, sniffling and wiping snot from her nose.
Jackie is once again the center of everyone’s attention. Everybody in the group huddles around her and asks her softly if she’s okay or if she’s still cold anywhere.
For once, Shauna can’t even bring herself to feel bitter about it.
Jackie’s eyes stay on her the whole time anyway.
“Yeah… shit, yeah.” Jackie sits up slowly, with Shauna’s help. “I… We’ll fix it, Shauna. We’re okay.”
Shauna hugs her again and cries until Jackie’s hair is wet with tears, rather than melted snow. Outside the wind picks up, stronger as it bats against the cabin’s weak points, and everybody agrees to stay inside by the fire until the snowing comes to an end.