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“Kusuoooo” Kusuke kicked his feet from atop the monkey bars.
(What is it?) Kusuo replied, a glare spreading across his face.
“You already know what it is,” Kusuke scoffed, “just because mama told you to keep your powers on the down low doesn’t mean you have to feign ignorance to everything.”
(Im not doing anything like that, sometimes people want things they don’t ask for. You want me to play on the monkey bars so you can try to knock me off, but you also were just thinking of how you want cereal, I’m not going to pour cereal into your mouth just because you thought of it.)
Kusuke’s eyes widened, he stammered, “you really can’t understand what’s expected of you even when you hear it out loud?”
(Well it’s not out loud…)
“To you it is,” Kusuke’s eyebrows furrowed, “it’s so difficult for me to keep up appearances, but you fail despite having everything handed to you?”
Kusuke maneuvered around the bars awkwardly, giggling to himself, “that’s adorable, you really are just my younger brother deep down huh ?”
(I know exactly what you want me to do, it doesn’t make it worth doing, every desire handed to you would be mind numbing.)
“Of course I understand something as simple as that, but the fact you underestimate people so much you believe they weigh their desires equally is completely unacceptable.”
(How so?)
“I want cereal, right? But I don't need immediate gratification. I could have it any day of the week, logically I know I could wait and I'm so used to waiting I don't need to logicize the fact I need to wait for myself, it's subconscious while my desire is not. You playing with me on the monkey bars is something we could only do for a limited time. What you’re expected to do is play with me when the time is limited.”
(But what if I don’t want to play?)
Kusuke jumped down, “that makes you egocentric, which isn’t a bad thing- the monkeys of the world have to hold themselves to a different standard.”
(Then why don’t?)
“Huh? I thought we were pretty close to getting equal footing…” Kusuke feigned disappointment.
(I’m not like you.)
“Well of course! Nobody’s like you, but is it so wrong for me to want to play?”
(Well, no-)
“Then let’s play, you don’t have to live a boring life around me Kusuo; you won’t have to uproot our family just to have a little fun.”
Kusuo kicked the ground, (you’ve been weird lately, what you want has just gotten- well… weird.)
“Everyone has passing thoughts of things they may not actually want,” Kusuke moved himself to the swingset, “I want cereal, but i don’t actually want a bowl of cereal… it would make my stomach hurt.”
Kusuo sat on the swing next to him.
“You want to swing, right?”
Kusuo stayed silent.
“Yeah, you do, but you know doing what you need to do to swing would send me flying with the swing set… what you actually want is repetitive self soothing behavior, you can fly so it’s not the sensory or thrill you want.”
(I do want to play, but it’s dangerous.)
“Not with someone who knows about your powers.”
(I don’t get it, I still can’t swing.)
“You can’t, but I can swing you,” Kusuke got off of his swing and placed his hands on the chains of kusuos.
Kusuo smiled, hanging on as lightly as possible to not break it.
“Alright hold on tight! Or actually don’t…” Kusuke pushed the swing forward.
Kusuo felt the wind in his hair, he pushed his glasses higher on his face with his free hand to make sure they stayed on.
(This is… fun.)
“See? We’re playing!”
(Most of your games aren’t like this though..)
“That’s because even now you’re not experiencing the same level of thrill a kid experiences on a swing, kids like being swung because it makes them a little scared.”
(Really?)
“That’s why I challenge you the way I do, it’s equity.”
(Equity..?)
“Absolutely, the thrill you get when I play my little games with you is about the same as someone on a swing.”
(But… I didn’t think swingsets were so scary.)
“That’s because you can only read minds, not emotions. Fear doesn’t appear in someone’s thoughts unless they lack composure, fear only appears in someone’s thoughts if they are thinking about how afraid they are.”
(But isn’t fear caused by thoughts?)
Kusuke pushed Kusuo again, “not at all!! Fear is simply physical,” Kusuke chuckled, “only truly self centered people think about every single emotion or physical sensation they have…”
(I feel like swingsets aren’t as dangerous as your games.)
“Oh but they are! A child swinging high on a swingset runs the risk of falling and breaking their neck! Their only measure of safety being how confident they are in their ability to not let go. In fact, I could charge at you with let’s say… a bat, and you would run significantly less risk”
Kusuo was silent, he looked down to his own limp legs.
(Do you ever wish you were a normal kid?)
“Hmm? But I am?”
(No… I mean- we aren’t like most people.)
“Why would I want to be like a monkey when I could be a man?”
(Nevermind…)
They continued swinging for a while.
“Do you want to be a normal kid, Kusuo?”
(Sometimes.)
Kusuke smiled, “well aren’t you glad I make sure you get to experience the thrill of a normal little kid?”
(Huh?)
“If my games make you feel the same thing as a normal child on a swing, and you want to feel normal, shouldn’t you be glad I put an effort into making you feel normal?”
(But… that’s not why you challenge me… you always think about how you want to win.)
“It’s like playing street fighter with a toddler to make them happy, you know you aren’t going to win and you’re playing for the sole purpose of losing, but there’s a part of you who feels disappointed when your character hits the ground!”
(I guess I kind of get it.)
“Remember, emotions aren’t thoughts, emotions aren’t actions, and actions are not thoughts, you don’t have the capability to understand what other people truly want.”
Kusuo's lip quivered.
“Normal people have the evolutionary ability to do that… it’s interesting- would you mind if i studied your inability a bit? It may help when building your limiters and understanding why you have telepathy… maybe it’s an abnormal evolutionary response or over adaptation to being unable to read situations they really are…”
They kept doing the same thing on the swings.
(Why do you only think about winning though…you don’t seem to think about what you claim your intentions are well… at all.)
“Why should I correct my thoughts? It’s futile, they’re not actions or what I actually feel. In fact, I’m logicizing my intentions to you right now, it was subconscious before- like not actually wanting to do anything that would upset my stomach. I may want to win, but I don't want to make you sad, so I don't actually want to win against you.
Kusuke pushed harder this time, Kusuo noted he did this without thinking about it, “in fact, you don’t have a true way to know what I want, it’s actually quite funny the telepath can’t intimately know others.”
Kusuo could see that Kusuke genuinely seemed to believe what he was saying… any conflicting thoughts with this new info made sense. People were more than their thoughts. Kusuke was pushing Kusuo on the swingset, he just told him how he really feels. So why did he feel so uneasy? Maybe it was like Kusuke said, Kusuo only thought of his own fear so much because he was focused on himself all the time.
Kusuo broke the long silence, a small shaky smile encompassing his face.
(Thank you for playing with me.)
Kusuke’s eyes darkened.
“You’re welcome.”