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Hugo always called him Goggles. He thought he was real funny. Honestly Hugo thought he was the smartest most brilliant guy on the planet. But no, no, Varian was not finding this joke funny.
“Oh Goggles, of course you blew it up again—“ Hugo began to laugh, making Varian’s hair literally stand on end. He was sick and tired of this stupid weasel making him feel like trash
“My name isn’t Goggles, it’s Varian. Learn to use it. And I’m sick of you always patronising me, like you can do any better—“ Varian spat, grabbing Hugo by the shirt.
“Oh but I can…” Hugo grinned manically, “Goggles.”
Varian had never heard Hugo use his real name. He barely used anyone’s names, calling Nuru ‘Princess’ and Yong ‘Sparkles’ was enough for him. But he had moments when he said their names. But not Varian. Varian was just ‘Goggles’. And it was getting on his nerves.
Why does he get special treatment? He has a name just like everyone else? Why does Hugo do this? Being labelled by a piece of clothing was awful, like imagine being called scarf! Or socks!
In the beginning, it wasn’t that tiring. It was just Hugo being annoying, and Varian having to put up with it because he knew that Hugo had his uses.
It went like this:
They were walking together in the forest, Varian wouldn’t let him out of his sight but they needed more firewood. Hugo desperately wanted to do it himself to ‘prove his goodness’ to Varian, but he wouldn’t have it. He had played these games before, he knew all of the movements. Hugo just wanted to lower his guard down, lull him into a sense of security before he took him down. Unlucky for him, Varian wouldn’t be a good sport and play along. He instead stared daggers into the others boys back as he ambled, with no sense of urgency, though the thick undergrowth. Which was odd, they were in a rush, they had a kid with a nearly out fire and it was night time! He was about to fume about how slow Hugo was being, until the boy in question turned around to face him.
“You know,” he pushed his glasses up, trying to look smart, but Varian just thought he looked like a try hard, “You look awfully intimidating holding that staff into my back. Maybe next time, poke me a bit harder? Who knows how I’ll react? Maybe I’ll like it—“
“Shut up and keep moving, it’s dark,” Varian pushed him along as he gritted his teeth. He wasn’t blushing, he wasn’t. That was a stupid remark he made to get under his skin. Varian would NOT let it do its job. So he took a deep breath, counted to five and maybe, just maybe prodded his staff a bit harder. He wanted to seem intimidating, that’s the whole reason he made it, but now he just felt dumb. He called that the ‘Hugo effect’: the boy always had a way of undermining Varian and making him slip up over his own feet. Sometimes literally.
Hugo whistled, making Varian want to slap him across the mouth, “So, I noticed something.”
“If it’s not firewood, then I don’t want to hear it.”
“Hah,” Hugo laughed mockingly, “You’re such a sweet guy aren’t you. Making me feel really warm and welcome.”
Varian stepped closer slightly. He wouldn’t back down to him, Hugo didn’t deserve the win, “Are you feeling warmer now?”
“Yeah, you’re breathing all over me.”
Varian recoiled, his face turning red, “Do you have to make everything weird?”
Seriously, who said stuff like that? He didn’t intend for it to be misconstrued to that! Sure, Varian had a habit of not understanding social norms but he got this! He didn’t want to insinuate that he liked Hugo! It’d make his ego boost so high he’d ascend to godhood or something, he wouldn’t let it go and most importantly, Varian despised him. He’d rather kiss a worm.
“It’s part of my charm,” Hugo sassed back.
“Well turn it off. I’m not in the mood,” Varian shoved him aside as he decided he’d take on the mission himself. Hugo was just slowing him down. Maybe that was his ulterior motive? To be such a hindrance that Varian never completed the trials?
They fell into silence for a beautiful moment, and Varian almost cried out of relief.
Until he heard the familiar scratchy sound of Hugo’s voice, “You know what else is weird… the fact that you wear your goggles everywhere.”
Varian touched his head in shock, and lo and behold, there were his goggles perched on his head, “Oh, hah, must’ve left them on. It doesn’t matter, let’s just—“
“Wow,“ Hugo slowly clapped, leaning forward, “You’re just so dedicated to your science, aren’t you, Goggles?”
“It’s Varian, and I practice alchemy. Not science. Not magic. Alchemy.” Varian snapped, pulling out his staff.
“Sure, whatever you want Goggles.”
Varian refused to talk after that. They picked up the firewood before heading back. The entire time he could feel his hands becoming warm. His chest burned. His jaw wouldn’t unclench and by the sun he could barely breathe. How dare he! The gall! The nerve! Hugo took him as a joke. He mocked him. Varian wanted to blow, but he decided to sleep it off. Besides, it was probably a one off. They’d get over it. Hugo would become better eventually. As Rapunzel said, you always need to give people a second chance.
…
Rapunzel was a dirty, rotten liar! This rat man didn’t deserve a second chance! Or a third! Or a fourth! Oh yes, that’s how many chances he had been given. But he just kept going at Varian.
They’d be in the lab, working on their own projects and Varian was almost thinking that they were bonding until:
“Pass me the wrench, Goggles.”
Oh he got the wrench. To his head. And a couple of snarky lines back.
When Varian was traversing through a swamp, despite Nuru being in a frilly dress, he was the one getting stuck the most.
As he pulled himself out for the umpteenth time, Hugo quipped, “Oh Goggles, are you struggling right now? Shall I come save you?”
He was about to throw his goggles at him. He pushed Hugo into the mud with a gleeful laugh, “Seems like the only one struggling is you.”
When he got ready for a ball in Koto, Hugo sauntered into the room, wolf whistling at him, “Wow Goggles, you do clean up well.”
He went red. Not because he liked the compliment— he didn’t— definitely didn’t. But because this was humiliating! Why was Hugo always mocking him for what he wore? Varian thought it was because he was just a jerk, that had to be it. He was just a mean person who felt joy out of making others suffer. And that one person was Varian. Varian was okay with his teasing, it kept him on his toes and he quite enjoyed it, but the name thing was getting out of hand!
Then again, he was wearing his goggles to the ball in case he needed them. Varian let Hugo’s laughter about that slide.
One night he was lying on the grass, watching the constellations his dad had taught him. He thought that he could teach his son how to not lose his way by using the stars, but he forgot that Varian was the kind of guy to read a map upside down and not realise it.
But hey, they were pretty.
And all was quiet. Hugo was god knows where. Yong had fallen asleep, Nuru was peacefully reading and Varian… couldn’t sleep. He had that problem a lot actually, ever since prison he struggled to go to bed. First he blamed the nightmares he would get, the constant yelling of the people of Corona begging for his execution, but after that subsided he still didn’t sleep. He loved the night. No one disturbed him. Ideas flowed through him. It was the perfect time for experimentation.
And weirdly enough, reflection.
He wasn’t a reflective guy, emotions never came too easily. In fact, he found them to be a barrier holding you back. You need to be objective to see the bigger picture in life. Emotions cloud judgement.
Nuru didn’t share that sentiment. The girl was so much better than Hugo was. She was kind, determined, a kindred spirit to Varian. She was brave, handled herself but also cared deeply for others. Sometimes Varian wished Hugo could be that easy, then maybe they’d get along more and have more fun together.
But Nuru and Varian did disagree on one thing: emotions. She believed expressing them was healthy. He believed in the religion of repression. She was always going on about letting your heart guide you as well as your head. That you need ‘balance’.
Every time Varian ran by emotion, he was unbalanced. Crazed. Dangerous. Just look at how he got into prison. How he forced Corona to do his bidding.
Maybe Nuru could run by emotion because her heart was pure. His is not. He needs to be filtered, restrained, chained up. He needed control, even if it buried him.
Deep thoughts always hit better under the stars. He also spent a lot of time thinking about his dysfunctional relationship with Hugo. He didn’t understand why Hugo riled him up so much. Sure, he was annoying, but Varian dealt with annoying people all his life. Being highly capable in a society that never understood and called you a ‘nerd’ or a ‘dork’ made you sit back and realise that humanity were pests. They trampled on things they don’t get because they fear it: fear Varian.
There had been countless occasions when he’d holed himself in his lab for days to escape them. The noise, the constant screaming of mundane issues that weren’t important. Why worry about different textures of linen when you can worry about scientific discovery? He would bolt the doors with his own chemicals to make sure no meddling person walked in and ruined his flow. Rapunzel said he was antisocial and needed to go outside more, and hey, maybe the fact that he sometimes looked paler than his parchment gave her some credibility, but the answer would be a defiant no. People were, simply, annoying.
And yet, no one was like Hugo. He just plucked Varian’s nerves in the perfect key. He knew every way to be under his skin, in his mind, knowing everything about him that he didn’t. Even the way he breathed irritated Varian. The way he walked, or talked, or scrunched his nose when he was solving a complex problem. The way he boasted, no one did that! His ego was taller than his lanky body!
But the teasing, oh the teasing was the worst! It was incessant! Like he was a hive that just kept stinging him! A thorn he could never pull out. Varian slipped over Ruddiger, he’d make it public news. Varian stuttered and said something just plain weird, he’d laugh. Varian would do something absolutely incredible and amazing and heroic? Hugo still found a way to twist it into a jest.
Maybe it was a superpower.
Varian didn’t care.
He hated this power Hugo had over him. He couldn’t get over it, he tried to be ‘mature’ but he just couldn’t! He didn’t know how to solve this, and that was what scared him. He didn’t want Hugo to be the problem he couldn’t fix. Now that would be embarrassing. Yes, Varian also had an ego. Sue him.
The next day, they had gotten into a fight with some of Donella’s men. Hugo had been backed into a corner, out of chemicals and knives to throw, he was completely defenceless. Varian took the first opportunity to swing his staff over the men’s heads, leaving Hugo looking up at him in relief.
Here it comes.
The praise.
The: ‘Thank you so much Varian’
But no. It was:
“And here I thought you would take the first chance to be rid of me, Goggles.”
Varian could feel a vein pop. Even in stress, in a life or death situation he never acknowledged him by his name! It was always a joke! A tease! Never looking at him in the eyes and seeing him as a human. As someone to respect as an equal. Was that such a demand? To want a friend to look at you like you aren’t a joke?
As the month went by, Hugo’s teasing got a tad… intimate. At first, it just made Varian more irate. But as time went on, and oh by the sun did it go on, he started to… appreciate it more. He’d tell himself it was just appreciation of how smart the wordplay was. The smoothness of the delivery. The way he smirked as he said it. It was technically impressive.
But if he said that was it, he’d be a liar. Hugo was undoubtedly attractive, and Varian knew that when they met. But he wasn’t his type! Varian wasn’t into the ‘bad boy’ sort of guy!
Actually, his first crush was Flynn Rider, and then Cassandra, who tried to destroy Corona. So, maybe he was into that?
Whatever. The point was that he started to like Hugo’s flirting. It got a rise out of him. He felt something, and it felt good. Like a pool was churning inside that made his legs feel weak. He couldn’t give it words. It was just there. And he hated it.
Hugo, after all he did, after all the torment, didn’t deserve this kind of affection! He was awful to Varian! Why was his heart betraying him? Have some self-respect!
During arguments, when Varian was nearly purple, wide eyed and breathless would Hugo would say fleeting comments like, “Woah Goggles, if you keep looking at me like that I’ll fall in love with you.”
And oh Varian would smile to himself like the boy hung the moon. He loved it. He really did. He wanted more badly. He craved that boys attention, his words, his everything.
But, he also had a sense of dignity. If someone was to try and show interest, he didn’t want it all to be teasing; the lack of genuine comments made him feel like even the flirting was a joke. Someone liking Varian would never happen, how could anyone like him that way? He was a freak, an outcast and not attractive by societal standards. Kids used to ask him out as a joke, and he, the innocent thing he was, would happily say yes until he found out the next day that he had become the villages laughing stock again. Varian knew that he was unlovable. He just didn’t expect Hugo to pluck that chord again. He was a musical genius when it came to Varian.
Apart from that, the part that hurt the most was that he took Hugo so seriously. Every time he needed someone to cry on, every time the boy needed someone to be with, Varian would always be there. He loved when he helped him in the lab, heck it made him for the first time in his life want a lab partner.
Nuru laughed at the lab partner bit. She then went on a rant about them being ‘roommates‘. Varian didn’t get the joke.
When he confided in her, she had said, “Varian, of course you’d be upset, you’re in love with him. Wanting to be seen isn’t something crazy, it’s human nature.”
Nuru always had a way with words and knowledge beyond her years. She had told him that he was oblivious to his feelings for Hugo, and maybe she was right. He hadn’t realised it, hadn’t put the pieces together that the pool inside him was one of a romantic nature. She had also told him to confess, not only to his romantic feelings, but to clearly set the boundaries about the name and to not let Hugo get away with this any longer. And he would. He would fight for a day in which Hugo would look at him in the eyes with the same adoration he did, and call him Varian.
…
There had been a terrible accident.
An ambush by Donella herself. She had rigged up the inn they were staying at with bombs. Varian had said something was off; but Hugo dismissed it, like always. He still remembered how solemn he became after that, and Hugo didn’t understand why. Usually the teasing was reciprocated. Or Varian became annoyed. That was their thing. Banter. But recently he had stopped responding. Hugo wanted to ask, but he also knew what the signs meant. Varian had simply lost his liking for the boy. He didn’t want Hugo around. He would probably leave the first chance he got. So Hugo had to steel himself. Not reach out, not show his weakness. That he cared— more than that— that he wanted to be around Varian, day and night. To always be close to him, to always hear his voice, to always have him to hold.
So when he had woken up to screaming, he had found himself on the grass outside the inn. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes to see that Varian was hauling Nuru and Yong out, pushing them forwards. Screaming about how it was about to blow.
Hugo’s eyes were still blurry. Patting his pockets down, he realises that Olivia wasn’t there. Olivia, his first ever creation, the one who was the only thing he could talk to for years. Who got him the job for Donella because she realises in ingenuity. Who helped him escape from sticky situations. Who was, and it sounds pathetic, his first and only friend for most of his life.
Hugo yelled, “I need to go back! Olivia is in there.”
Nuru grabbed his jacket and pulled him back, “You can’t! It’s too dangerous.”
Varian had also ran over. He looked at Hugo’s frantic expression, bit his lip and whispered in Hugo’s ear, “I’ll get her. Stay here.”
Only Varian knew what she meant to him. He had told the other boy late at night, when he was too tired to care for the consequences. And Varian… didn’t mock him for it. He actually found her cool. Varian found anything he did cool.
But before he could stop him, Varian ran back in. Hugo went to follow, but at that very moment, the explosions went off. Fire encased the building as debris flung in every direction. He dived over Nuru and Yong, trying to protect them with his body.
By the time it went silent, Hugo was too late. He ran through the wreckage, peeling away at scraps to find Varian. He needed Varian. He couldn’t have him go without telling him how he felt. He couldn’t have him go all because he didn’t listen. He needed to apologise for being annoying, he didn’t mean it, that’s just how he showed his affection. It’s stupid, and immature and he wished he wasn’t like that but it was his form of love language. He needed Varian to scream at him, to shout at him, to snark away at him. Just anything, any attention he got from the boy fuelled him. It wasn’t healthy, but a Varian who hated him still meant someone present. He hated the silence earlier. He hated the silence now. He needed to tell him that he loved him, that he loved how he wrinkled his nose every time he saw a problem he couldn’t solve, how he tried to hide his blue streak for a month before Hugo told him he knew it was there, or how he pushed his goggles into his hair when he talked to Hugo in the lab.
Oh those goggles.
He wished he called him by his name. Varian is such a pretty name. It rolled off his tongue like a prayer, and he so desperately wanted to scream it to the world. But he never did. He was a coward for that. Saying Varian’s name meant taking walls down, making it feel real. And he couldn’t handle real.
So much was left unsaid. He was near tears when he found Varian, crumpled up under a door frame. He pulled him out, cradling his body as he cried out for help.
“Varian, Varian please, can you hear me?” Hugo screamed, his distress overtaking him as he shook Varian’s body in his arms.
But Varian couldn’t hear him. Varian never got to hear Hugo call him anything other than Goggles.