Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Your name is JOHN EGBERT and the glowing, blue, swirling handle of the door to your happy ending is inches away from your fingertips.

You are aching and exhausted. Even after a few rounds of Jane and Nanna’s awesome healing powers, there’s this itch where your wounds had been. A reminder of what you had just gone through, albeit one that will soon fade into nothing but a memory. Despite all that, though, you’re still so excited. After three years of this game, of fighting, and dying, and running: you’re ready to go home.

Your friends, new and old, are all chattering away behind you. You can hear their whispers of new beginnings and adventures ahead, catching in the constant light breeze that sweeps past you and runs along the curve of your ear. They’re all here, alive and well within your reach. It’s all you could ask for.

Thoughts flood you as you slowly reach out for the doorknob. You play with the ideas in your head, thinking about possible movie nights, sleepovers, birthdays where you don’t have to worry about the sky falling! All of your friends by your side for the rest of your lives.

It’s the perfect ending.

Finally, your shaking hand rests on the knob, fingers curled around its curvature and ready to twist it open. Thin blue streams of light flutter along your hand. It leaves ticklish sparks on your skin, caressing your wrist and pulling you in.

A light click pops louder than a gunshot in your head, even though it was quieter than any sound you’ve ever heard. It’s like the pressure on the platform changes in the time it takes for you to pull the door open. The door creaks for a moment…

then it stops.

It stays there, cracked open slightly, with your hand on the door. Shining, bright, white light begins to spill at the seams, stretching out towards you but not quite reaching you just yet.

There is no more sound. No cheering, no giggling, no soft words reach your ears as it all slows down.

There is nothing except the woman who is now standing in front of you. You are face to face with the symbol of Space, god robe fabric singed with ever-burning green fire, and you tilt your head up to the empty void where you know her eyes should be.

JOHN: …callie?
CALLIOPE: hello john.

She looks sad. That’s all you can think when you look at her. Her expression is stilted, much like you thought it was going to be when Roxy had brought Callie back. But, unlike that Callie, this one’s skull stays flat. It’s the way her brow bones are downturned and her mouth is pressed firmly into a flat line.

You turn your head, looking over your shoulder.

Your friends are still there, smiling at you, waiting for the door to open. Callie is among them, grinning so hard you fear her skull might split from the force of it. However, they aren’t moving. Not a single Breath passes through them.

Your worry must show on your face because the other Calliope speaks after her moment of silence.

CALLIOPE: don’t fret. i have simply pulled you into this moment, a small rift in time, so that i may speak with you.
JOHN: okay i guess.
JOHN: wait no.
JOHN: not okay! why did you do that!
JOHN: i was about to open the glowing magic door thingy that lets us in the new universe!
JOHN: what is so important that you stopped me from opening this dang door!

Your worry has now dissolved into frustration! Seriously, the nerve! Hasn’t anyone told this girl that you should wait until after the life altering event to have a nice little chat? Or at least do it before you start opening the giant magical door!

CALLIOPE: the ruination of your future as you know it.

Okay. You guess that’s a pretty good reason to stop your door opening.

JOHN: oh.
JOHN: what? what happened? did we mess up?
JOHN: oh no did we give the universe cancer again? like karkat did?
JOHN: :(
CALLIOPE: no. not quite.

She turns to look up at the frog. You can’t tell if she’s simply looking at it or if she’s searching for something. Having void pits for eyes certainly makes it hard to tell what someone’s looking at.

CALLIOPE: the universe you all have created is nothing short of perfect.
JOHN: oh good! you really worried me there for a sec.
JOHN: so… if it’s not universe cancer then what happened?
CALLIOPE: it is less about the state of this universe and more about the state of you and your friends once you finish this game.
CALLIOPE: your future. your death.
JOHN: my death? like a perma death?
JOHN: aw jeez that sucks. i’ll die when the door opens?

She turns back to look at you. You swear her mouth twitched a bit at that. Maybe she can tell you’re being ‘intentionally obtuse’, as Rose would put it.

What can you say? People tell you more when you’re dumb about it.

CALLIOPE: no. you will die much later.
CALLIOPE: or maybe you won’t die at all.
CALLIOPE: it depends on the choice you make.
JOHN: that sounds convoluted.
JOHN: what choice do i make?

She holds out her claws, the skeletal palms empty.

CALLIOPE: meat or candy?
JOHN: huh?
CALLIOPE: that is the choice. would you choose meat or candy?
JOHN: like to eat?
CALLIOPE: yes.
JOHN: what’s so important about those two things?
JOHN: they seem pretty normal to me.
JOHN: ugh.
JOHN: can’t you explain it for real, instead of any silly little riddles!
JOHN: i’m not really getting anything to stick here.

You knock on your head, frowning. She looks at you for a moment and lets out a short hum.

CALLIOPE: can i tell it like a story?
JOHN: oh sure.
JOHN: do you like telling stories?
JOHN: i think i remember jade telling me you guys made a book or something while you were dead and she was sleeping.
JOHN: the other you, i mean, hehe.
CALLIOPE: i used to love story telling.
CALLIOPE: perhaps the only passion i can recall hanging on to.
JOHN: used to?
CALLIOPE: i do not hold much love for anything, anymore. my death, my path, it is not one where i can have such things as interests or passions.
CALLIOPE: i leave that to the calliope that is alive and well.
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: that sounds kinda sad.
JOHN: that you can’t love something anymore just because a different you is around to enjoy it more than you.

JOHN: i’d like to hear you tell a story! especially if it means i don’t have to listen to more silly riddles. :B

She doesn’t react, she just continues to gaze at you. It’s honestly making you a little upset.

Not because she’s scary or anything. She’s still really sick looking, to be honest. Like a hardcore version of the sweet little cherub that your Callie is. Which you guess is what she literally is.

You don’t know where you were going with this.

You let go of the door knob and sit down. It sounds like it’s going to be a while before you start moving again. Might as well get comfortable.

Interestingly enough, those little blue sparks follow you, twisting around your hand happily as it tries to lead you back to the door.

CALLIOPE: i’ll start a bit further back.

She remains standing, gazing down at you.

CALLIOPE: when the black hole bloomed to consume the green sun, i felt the weight of my destiny lift. The moment had come. i would vanish from existence, not in fear, but in fulfillment.
CALLIOPE: but i suppose there was more to my story than that.
CALLIOPE: i spent my days simply watching this world grow, following you and your friends as you shaped it piece by piece. i saw you bring hundreds of lives into being, then skip ahead through the years, eager to see the fruits of your labor.
CALLIOPE: in theory, you had created paradise. a world where everyone was happy and you all were celebrated as creators, as gods. but after years of this game, a world where nothing truly threatened you seemed to be the crack in the glass that ends up shattering the window entirely.
JOHN: but why?
JOHN: isn’t that what we fought so hard for?
JOHN: i don’t get it.
CALLIOPE: i’ll focus on your side of this story.
CALLIOPE: five years into this world, you are a recluse. you rarely talk to your friends under the excuse that they’re too busy to cater to your nonsense.
CALLIOPE: but then, you began to dream.
CALLIOPE: you saw the destruction of the furthest ring. the culmination of Lrd English’s attacks and the power of my black hole.
CALLIOPE: you sought advice from the seer.
JOHN: rose?
CALLIOPE: yes.
CALLIOPE: she had told you that her powers as a seer had been expanding and attempted to explain the nature of the canon to you.
JOHN: the canon?
CALLIOPE: the reality before the end of the game. whereas everything that comes after is ever changing, dubious to a fault.
CALLIOPE: she told you that to make your reality canon in the truest sense, you would have to defeat Lrd English once and for all.
JOHN: what!?
JOHN: that guy is still alive?
JOHN: i thought he got his ass kicked.
CALLIOPE: i’m not certain it was ever confirmed.
CALLIOPE: i digress.
CALLIOPE: here is where your choice comes in.
JOHN: oh yeah.
JOHN: the meat or the candy.
CALLIOPE: yes.
CALLIOPE: my alternate self and the rogue invited you for a picnic.
JOHN: oh hell yeah.
JOHN: that sounds so sweet. picnic with roxy and callie.
JOHN: was the meat and candy at the picnic?
CALLIOPE: yes.
CALLIOPE: my alternate self offered those choices to you. a sort of symbolic gesture to help you choose whether you were truly content to go back and fight Lrd English or to stay and brush off rose’s request.
JOHN: if i eat the meat, i go fight him. if i eat the candy, i stay.
CALLIOPE: precisely.
JOHN: so… which did i choose?
CALLIOPE: this is the part of the story where our quick discussion of canon comes in.
JOHN: yeah i still don’t really get that.
JOHN: does it have to do with my sweet retcon powers?
CALLIOPE: in a way.
CALLIOPE: everything i have described to you is set in stone for this reality. it is canon. the way the web is woven.
CALLIOPE: it would have always happened.
CALLIOPE: this choice you make could alter the path of the spider. it would change the pattern it weaves.
JOHN: do you know what happens if i pick either one?
CALLIOPE: yes. i witnessed both.
CALLIOPE: which would you like to hear first.
JOHN: uh.
JOHN: you said i would die.
JOHN: is that because i went to fight lord english? if i chose the meat?
JOHN: oh sorry. Lrd English.
CALLIOPE: yes. would you like me to tell you about it?

You’re not really sure you want to.

It’s not like you’ve never died before. You’ve died a lot in the past three years and that’s not including all of the Doomed Johns that are running around in the Dream Bubbles.

But this would be a permanent death described to you. Your permanent death! Forgive you for being apprehensive about it!

JOHN: maybe the tldr?
JOHN: i’m assuming we don’t have a lot of time here. in the movies they’re always short on time, even though they are time travelers. why not just go back to the moment you have to leave? i never got that.
CALLIOPE: no, you are correct. i need to hurry. i got carried away. i apologize.
JOHN: it’s ok.
CALLIOPE: i’ll make it quick.
CALLIOPE: if you chose meat, you would go back into canon using the power afforded to you by the juju you possessed.
CALLIOPE: you would take your friends from moments in their reality to follow you to fight Lrd English.
JOHN: but
JOHN: okay hold on.
JOHN: if i died, i wouldn’t be able to put them back.
JOHN: they would lose the game!
CALLIOPE: yes. they would.
CALLIOPE: there are certain key points that need to occur no matter the reality in order for you to win the game. this would certainly alter the timeline.
CALLIOPE: jujus may have unknowable power, but reality is a fickle thing.
CALLIOPE: let us continue, quickly.
CALLIOPE: you went with the seven younger heroes to battle, only to end up caught by the very same juju in your power with the three others you shared your session with.
JOHN: wait.
JOHN: sorry i know i keep interrupting you here.
JOHN: and this story sucks ass.
JOHN: but this kinda sounds like the story vriska told me when we were hunting for the treasure!
JOHN: about the ancient heroes that got locked away and how releasing them would save the world.
JOHN: are you saying that me and my friends are the ancient heroes?
CALLIOPE: yes. in all continuities you and your friends are the heroes inside the juju.
CALLIOPE: the only difference here is that in this future, it is your future self and your doomed friends who are trapped inside. rather than alternate versions of yourself.
JOHN: oh vriska is gonna flip when she finds out.
JOHN: i wish i could see that it’d be really funny.
JOHN: or well.
JOHN: i would die. and so would my friends.
JOHN: not funny. :(
CALLIOPE: i cannot see the humor in it either.
CALLIOPE: but you were released by the thief. though she would not be able to see what occurred, she would fall through the cracks upon the door opening.
CALLIOPE: you would fight and be the only survivor. Lrd English would be defeated.
JOHN: but you said i was gonna die!
CALLIOPE: and you would.
CALLIOPE: later on, while scouring the furthest ring for more survivors, you’d come across the other seer. terezi.
JOHN: what was she doing out there?
CALLIOPE: unclear.
CALLIOPE: but you would travel with her back to earth, and there is where you would die.
CALLIOPE: you’d succumb to your injuries.
JOHN: but what about jane? she’d heal me, wouldn’t she?
CALLIOPE: there are some wounds even gods cannot heal.
CALLIOPE: a cherub’s teeth contain venom. a slow acting poison meant to kill the enemy at the most unsuspecting moment.
JOHN: convenient. :/
CALLIOPE: very.
CALLIOPE: but that is the end of your life in this branch of reality.

It’s not a happy story. You didn’t think it would be, Calliope has been very upfront about that.

JOHN: what about my friends in that reality?
JOHN: are they okay?
JOHN: i know you said we drifted apart but i’m still worried about them.
CALLIOPE: such is your nature, john egbert.
CALLIOPE: but, no.
CALLIOPE: it gets much much worse.
JOHN: aw jeez.
CALLIOPE: in the other reality, for a grab at control, the prince kills himself.
JOHN: WHAT?
CALLIOPE: yes.
JOHN: okay i don’t need to hear anymore!

JOHN: this whole thing sucks!
JOHN: we went through the whole thing just for some other version of me to steal my friends away, die, and then one of my new friends kills himself!?
JOHN: bluh!!! >:B
CALLIOPE: i agree. but there is more you must know. i cannot end the story there.

You make your feelings about this very apparent. Your jaw hurts with how deep the scowl on your face is and your glasses are hitched up slightly with your scrunched nose.

Calliope’s face doesn’t change.

CALLIOPE: in doing this, he achieved something called the ultimate self.
CALLIOPE: and it granted him control over the narrative. taking control away from me.
JOHN: wait.
JOHN: you were writing the story?
JOHN: what the hell man!
CALLIOPE: do not misconstrue my words.
CALLIOPE: i mean it in a sense that i was no longer able to freely watch the world go by.
CALLIOPE: he seized the means and bent the world to his will, twisting it to serve his own design. i fought against him, struggling to reclaim even a fragment of the story that had once been mine. i altered what i could, reshaped what little remained… but in the end, it was never enough.
CALLIOPE: his ministrations cause the maid to win a title that would turn the world to war. the perfect world meant for all of you turning into a battlefield. plucking at strings and stirring up emotions, tossing aside useless pawns with obsessive care. he even took your corpse, though it is unclear why.
CALLIOPE: in order to take back control, i possessed the witch, your sister.
JOHN: you can do that?
CALLIOPE: i do as i please.
CALLIOPE: but with his hands deep in the wires, he shot me with something, forced my slumber, and fled before i could truly attempt to take over the narrative again.
CALLIOPE: i tried to pursue him.
CALLIOPE: i don’t really want to get into what happens next but it does end up with a very grotesque consumption of a corpse.

Her expression twitches into minute disgust.

You’ve really heard enough! This is awful! What even happened over there!?

JOHN: and that’s just if i ate meat!?
JOHN: what, is the candy worse or something!
CALLIOPE: arguably, yes.
CALLIOPE: the realities actually collide, in some ways.
JOHN: ARGH!!!! Noooooooo!

You flop backwards, kicking your feet up and covering your face with your hands. The blue sparks dance over your cheeks, passing by in flickers and streaks.

You lift your fingers and tilt your head back to look at your friends, still frozen.

They look so happy here. They look so excited.

You were excited too. But now you’re not so sure. If everything Calliope says is true, should you do this? Is it inevitable, that you all fall apart? What happened for you all to lose touch so quickly?

What can you do to stop it?

JOHN: so no matter what path we take, if i choose meat or candy, everything sucks?
JOHN: how is that fair!!
JOHN: there has to be something we can change, right? i can go back and retcon whatever it is that started it all!
JOHN: or, when we go through the door, i’ll try harder to keep my friends close!

Calliope shook her head. For the first time, she crouches down and takes your hand.

CALLIOPE: i told you that some things are set in stone.
CALLIOPE: with the way this reality has gone, small changes would not help what happens beyond the door. you will still be presented with the choice.
JOHN: so there’s nothing i can do.
JOHN: you came back just to tell me we’re fucked. that’s it. bye bye john enjoy dying!
JOHN: bluh bluh bluh!!
CALLIOPE: no.
JOHN: but there’s nothing we can do!
JOHN: what, am i just supposed to go on knowing this shit is going to happen? do you expect me to just be fine with it!
JOHN: i can handle a lot of stuff but this really takes the cake!
JOHN: lets all just go on our merry way then!
CALLIOPE: that is not what i said.
CALLIOPE: i said small changes would not help.
CALLIOPE: this reality is a set course.
CALLIOPE: that is why i came to you, in this moment.
CALLIOPE: you are disconnected from the flow of reality. you can mold it any way you desire.
JOHN: but i tried that. you just said i did that and boom, dead john!
CALLIOPE: that was after years of isolation and depression. even motivated, you knew that you could not change something on such a scale because you were so sure it would end the same.
CALLIOPE: and before that, here, every change you made was so small.
CALLIOPE: you moved a plush toy. you wrote on a wall in chalk. you punched someone.
CALLIOPE: and yes, it worked to subvert the ending you witnessed, but it did not change the possibilities i presented to you.
JOHN: so…
JOHN: if changing small stuff can prevent all my friends dying.
JOHN: overhauling the whole thing…
CALLIOPE: it could alter reality to the point of changing the canon.

The end of your windsock has made its way into your hands. You fiddle with it for a few moments, thinking over what Calliope had just said.

She wants to pick apart reality using your Retcon Powers in order to change the possible endings you and your friends will have.

But there’s a lot of factors to consider here! What do you need to change? What would happen as a result of those changes. What’s even considered a big change!?

God, your head is really starting to hurt.

JOHN: what do i need to change?

Last time, Terezi guided you with her list that was mostly bullshit, but just enough not-bullshit to actually help. Zapping through reality to specific points in time was easy enough with her help.

Maybe Calliope can do something similar?

CALLIOPE: i haven’t a clue.

Okay, well. Fuck that plan, you guess.

Your face must be really sour looking because she doesn’t hesitate to continue speaking. This girl sure loves her exposition.

Not that you mind. It’s mostly quite helpful, if saddening.

CALLIOPE: i wish to propose a complete overhaul.
CALLIOPE: you go back to the very beginning of your story, working through it once more and changing what you see fit.
CALLIOPE: a sort of trial and error until you get it right.
CALLIOPE: that may be the only way to do it.
JOHN: uh.
JOHN: okay. one problem.
JOHN: if i go all the way back, there’s going to be two johns!
JOHN: i can’t exactly hide from myself for three years. or from my friends.
JOHN: they are scary smart! like crazy smart!
JOHN: and i can’t kill him either, because i’m way older than him and everyone will figure it out and that might cause a whole different disaster!
JOHN: i don’t think there’s a solution for that.
CALLIOPE: there is.

Seriously. Can you start getting more information up front before you go on spiels about how the whole plan could go wrong? You’d be a lot more of your usual positive self if you knew all the stuff you needed to know!

Why couldn’t you be a Seer? That would be so much more useful in this situation.

Calliope holds out her hand again, and this time something occupies the previously empty space.

A bright blue glowing stopwatch ticks slowly in her claws. It looked pretty modern, by your standards, with three buttons at the top and a wide face. However, the strange thing about it was the fact that the face of the stopwatch was more reminiscent of a regular pocket watch with an analog clockface than a digital one. Its second hand ticked forward, and then back, stuck in the same second over and over again.

CALLIOPE: this juju is what is keeping us in this moment. its abilities and a bit of my own should solve your “doubles” problem.
JOHN: that may be the sketchiest shit i have ever heard.
JOHN: which i gotta say is impressive because i have listened to dave talk about the lohacse.
CALLIOPE: …
JOHN: the land of heat and clockwork stock exchange.
CALLIOPE: right.

She presses the juju in your hand and for a moment you’re taken aback by how warm it is. You don’t know why but you expected it to feel cold; like metal that’s been stuck in the snow for a long time, or some other cool simile. Its glow reminds you of the color Breath takes when you use it, leaving a soft blue tint where it rests on your hand.

JOHN: calliope?
JOHN: before we do this can i ask you one more thing?
CALLIOPE: what is it?
JOHN: why do you care so much?
JOHN: you said you have no interests. no passions.
JOHN: so why come back?

When you look back up at Calliope, a white wand is held gently in her claws. She isn’t gripping it nor is she holding it aloft. There is a surety to her hold that instills a weak confidence in your chest. Its tip is pointed at you and you can’t help but think back to a concert you were a part of long before SBURB was even a thought in your mind.

It was some community youth orchestra your Dad signed you up for. Something about connecting with kids your age? You just remember having to drive for an hour every Wednesday and being really nervous about messing up in front of a bunch of people.

The way Calliope is holding her wand reminds you of the Conductor. She looks ready to move in such a way that whatever she commands will follow suit.

She tilts her head, ever so slightly.

CALLIOPE: i suppose…
CALLIOPE: i suppose i want a better ending for her. as selfish as it sounds.
CALLIOPE: i gave up my existence so that she could live the life i had dreamed for as a child.
CALLIOPE: just to watch that life crumble into depressive, loathsome irritations.
CALLIOPE: perhaps that dread has hallowed out a need deep in my core.
CALLIOPE: which has led me to this. to you.
CALLIOPE: will you help me?

For the first time, she looks something more than sad, or irritated, or blank. She looks hopeful.

Maybe your heart is too big, and maybe you believe others too easily. But that look has cemented this decision deep in your chest.

JOHN: yeah.

She nods at you, and you let your thumb rest against the rightmost button before pressing it down. The contact is soft, almost gentle, but your skin immediately begins to buzz, a low current moving beneath it, like air caught in your lungs just before a breath is released. You start to pull yourself apart, slowly at first, loosening your hold on your own shape as reality thins around you. It drifts away in widening seams and gaps, as though the world itself is exhaling, and the power takes hold. At the same moment, something strikes you in the chest, not with pain, but with weight. It’s like the sudden rush of wind when a door opens you didn’t realize was there.

Time and space bend around you, not snapping or shattering, but bowing inward, reshaping themselves until you begin to fall through them like they’re made of unset gelatin. There is no up or down anymore, only movement and pressure, the sensation of being carried. The world becomes a buzzing, shapeless thing, vibrating like air passing through unseen corridors. It folds and unfolds around you, layering itself into halls and stairwells, pages and rooms, all blurring together into a vast, impossible structure. Scenes slide past like doors left ajar: fragments of your life, of your friends’ lives, of strangers whose names you never learned but whose moments still echo here. Memory stacks itself into floors and passageways, overlapping and endless, a place you have already walked through without knowing its shape.

You drift through it all like breath through a house at night, stirring curtains, brushing past walls. Everything feels familiar and distant at once. The memories blur together like a story you read as a child and never fully understood, only remembered in pieces, the weight of it lingering long after you closed the book. The urge to read it again presses sharply at your mind, as if comprehension is waiting just beyond the next page, the next room. If you reached out your hand, you’re certain you could feel every moment as it slips through your fingers, like air rushing past an open palm, impossible to grasp and impossible to ignore.

As the structure of memory stretches on around you, you feel a pull, steady and sure. Something familiar anchors you amid the motion. It feels like each of your friends is calling to you from different corners of this vast place, their presence threading through the halls like wind through open windows. You are being guided, drawn along not by force, but by recognition, toward a new destination already shaped to receive you. Not an ending, but a return; an opening. The understanding settles quietly in your chest that they are waiting for you, that they always have been, ready for you to step forward and begin the game once more, carrying everything you’ve already lived with you.

Through it all, you hear her whisper. Her voice is thin, almost breathless, stretched across distance and motion, but it stays with you all the same. It moves through the corridors of this unraveling place, carried along with you into this slow, physical undoing. For a moment, it grounds you; one last steady breath before you are fully borne away.

CALLIOPE: thank you.
CALLIOPE: for believing me.

The world is beginning to take shape around you again. White carpet gives way under your yellow slippers, walls covered in posters and colorful marker fade into existence, and a sturdy little bedframe presses against your shin.

It’s all a little fuzzy around the edges. You think maybe you’re still zapping in but your head feels like it’s filled with cotton. Breath pulls around you, coming off your shoulders like it’s ready for you to melt into it.

But you need to stay, you know. There is a moment you are waiting for.

You don’t have to wait long, as a dull thump registers in your mind.

In front of you, a young man has fallen in his bedroom, propped up against his bedframe as if your entrance has knocked him off his feet.

He looks up at you with the widest blue eyes you’ve seen in the mirror, glasses slightly askew on his face that’s still round with the lingering shreds of baby fat.

There’s not much you can do anymore, so you just smile.

JOHN: Breathe.

Then, you let yourself go.

The Breeze pulls you apart gently and before you know it you’re blinking, standing in the doorway to your bedroom, looking at the empty space in front of you.

You let out the breath you just took, and proceed to freak out.