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It's the night before Shallan Davar's wedding. The night before they officially become cousins instead of just a ward and her teacher.
Jasnah cannot stop thinking about her, and not in the way that one should think of their cousin.
She sometimes wants to spit at Adolin, "I had her first, she's mine, you cannot have her," though she knows this is wrong and just silly. She had been the one to come up with the plan of marrying Shallan and Adolin, of joining the Davars and the Kholins in a politically suitable way and keeping the nascent Radiant close to the throne.
It just isn't fair, part of her still complains. I found her, I sculpted her, and he reaps the benefits. He gets to have her forever and he doesn't even know her, not the way I do.
Jasnah pushes the thoughts away to the back of her mind as she knocks on the door of Shallan's room. Minutes ago, Palona let her into the section of rooms that Sebarial's household occupied and directed her to where Shallan was staying without question.
Tomorrow, Shallan will be Adolin's. But just for this night, Jasnah can pretend.
The door swings open. Shallan stands, dressed in a simple nightgown, her long red hair frizzy, her eyes wide. "Jasnah! I wasn't expecting you," she says.
Jasnah doesn't say anything, just pushes through the door, pulls it shut behind her. She looks around the room with its simple furnishings and stacks of books. It's eerily reminiscent of her own chambers. Shallan has learned from her.
"I want to help you bathe," Jasnah spits out. "As a parting gift. To reciprocate for what you've done for me."
She also wants to see Shallan in comfortable intimacy again one last time, before she has Kholin servants to bathe her and dress her. This isn't about seeing Shallan nude; that doesn't do much for Jasnah, anyway. She just wants to spend time with her, to go through a ritual with her. A ritual that will no longer be acceptable for them to share come morning.
Shallan meets Jasnah's eyes. She looks confused, but she nods. "There's a bathing chamber attached to this room," she says. "If you want, you can set the tub to fill…"
Jasnah nods and slips into the other room. The tub is set into the floor. They've managed to get much of the tower's plumbing working in the past months. She fills it with close to unbearably hot water, the way she knows Shallan likes it.
Shallan slips into the room moments later, completely naked. Jasnah busies herself with looking through the soaps and hair care products that Shallan has. Some of these must have been gifted to her by Adolin; they're the sorts of fancy things he loves. Of course, Shallan doesn't need expensive products to look beautiful.
Once Shallan is immersed in the tub, Jasnah approaches her quietly, soap and scrubbing cloth in hand. She peels off her safehand glove and sets it aside as she begins to lather the soap.
They stay in silence for the most part; Shallan is clearly tired, her eyes drooping shut as Jasnah carefully scrubs her body clean, starting at the arms and shoulders, moving down, down, down. Jasnah tries her best to be gentle. The water begins to cloud with soap and skin, steam still wafting off it.
Once she's done with Shallan's body, Jasnah moves on to her hair. It only takes a tap on Shallan's shoulder for her to dunk her head in the water and emerge again. Jasnah begins to massage her scalp, letting her fingers run through Shallan's hair, feeling a small thrill in her stomach at these easy touches.
As she bathes Shallan, Jasnah knows this: she loves the girl. She would move the world to help her. But Shallan doesn't need Jasnah's help, not anymore. Maybe she never did. She is more savvy than Jasnah's ever been. She's fit herself into Jasnah's own family perfectly.
Jasnah knows that Shallan has walls up, but she's also watched Adolin slowly chip away at them. They'll be a good match. Jasnah's desires are entirely selfish, which is why no matter how much she wants to, she can never act on them.
She finishes washing and rinsing Shallan's hair. It's silky smooth in her hands. She takes one last look at Shallan in the bath, her eyes closed, her face utterly relaxed.
"Good luck with the wedding," Jasnah says, pushing to her feet.
Shallan's eyes fly open. "Are you leaving already?"
Jasnah just nods, not trusting her mouth to obey her any longer. Unlike her body, though, her mind will not be able to just leave Shallan behind. Not for a long time.
