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Britain had just gotten a phone call from Romano. Who in a nutshell had just told him that Italy had not made it back home from the party they were at last night. This was bad news, because Italy is stupid with no sense of survival instinct at all. After hanging up on a freaking out and very angry Romano, Britain ran to his computer to open up a memo thing with everyone else who was at that party. In hopes that maybe any of them had contact with Italy or just knew where he was.
"Hello everyone. It is of utmost importance that we have a meeting as soon as possible. It is very urgent."
Britain typed hastily, hoping that none of these idiots would insist for context and instead just agree.
As the memo was sent out all of the others who were at the party; America, Japan, Germany and Canada. Saw the memo and simultaneously decided to go rather than listen to Britain spam and complain about no one showing up. The only person who was more on the fence about showing up was Germany, he saw no point as “urgent” doesn’t properly explain anything and Britain should be properly informing the group on the correct topic of discussion. Despite all of that, they all managed to get into the conference room. Britain was standing at the front of the room with a flipped over whiteboard and looking like he’d shit his pants.
"Okay thanks for actually showing up, everyone. I've called you all here to inform you that Italy did not return home after the party." Britain announced as he crossed his arms and looked around at everybody around the table. Before letting anyone else speak, he continued.
"Romano called me about it and was very frantically demanding that we locate him, as he is worried that he's been possibly kidnapped or molested. Anyone know where he could be?" Britain concluded, glancing around the room again expectantly.
Germany immediately felt a surge of annoyance at this. Italy was missing and possibly being molested and instead of calling a much more efficient search party, they were sitting here and talking like bitches. This was very serious after all.
"Vhat?? Has anyone tried calling him? Or even looking? I refuse to believe no one has no contact with him." Germany said, glaring at Britain before glaring at the countries around him.
America tensed up and turned to Germany (who was totally overreacting btw). “H-hey man let’s all just calm down and take a chill pill. I’m sure Italy is fine and not being brutally molested right now, he’s probably just frolicking in some field somewhere. Maybe he found a cat and got distracted.” He looked back over to Germany to see his reaction and he could’ve sworn that dirty ass look Germany was giving him could kill anyone less cool than him.
“…Germany? You look like you have something to say about that, either that or you have something stuck up your ass. I mean you probably like that…”
"This is not a laughing matter!" Germany stood and slammed his hands down on the table with unnecessary force.
"Italy has no training in self defence, apparently no way to contact any of us, and does not frolic at night time time! He would have been back by now!"
“Certainly has training in running away…” America did NOT like getting yelled at by Germany, especially when the situation cannot be that serious, Italy is a grown ass country.
“Guys it’s not even that big a deal, Italy is prolly fine.” America was so happy with his amazing talking and calming skills and finally being able to put them into proper use.
"Maybe we should carm down. Now is not the time to argue." Japan interrupted calmly, feeling mildly worried. The chance of Italy currently being ferociously molested seemed very high. Italy was beyond molestable.
"If we think he's being morlested let's call France to check."
Canada was just as worried, he was starting to sweat a little bit. “France being the one to call aboot a possible molestation sounds aboot right…”
"I'm not going to unblock that wanker to call him." Britain scowled, waiting for someone else to agree to call France. He very much did not want to.
After being met with ice cold silence from everyone in the room, Britain sighed dramatically and pulled out his phone. He muttered curse words under his breath as he very reluctantly unblocked France and dialed his number. When that French werido finally picked up, he sighed AGAIN, to show everyone how unhappy he was about this.
"France, are you molesting Italy right now?"
France was just trying to peacefully try and shove an entire baguette into his mouth as far as it would go before he got a call from Britain. He pulled the baguette out of his mouth; “28cm… New personal record!”
He reached over and picked up the phone. “Oui? Oh my goodness I can’t believe you’d think i’d be doing anything so repulsive and weird with my time! I have better things to do than talk with a stupid stupid white boy with a bowl cut. What’s this even about anyway? Why am I being accused?”
"He's just missing. You wouldn't happen to know where he is, would you?" Britain asked, very antsy to get this conversation over with. He did not want to talk to this freak any longer than he had to.
France put his hand on his hip in a really homosexual manner and sighed. “No I don’t know where the fool is, I wish you all luck in finding him though.” France hung up, turning back to his spit covered bread and rubbing his hands together before walking back over to it.
Britain rolled his eyes, he could feel the homosexuality seeping through the phone. He put his phone back down and turned his attention back to the others.
"France isn't molesting him and doesn't know where he is. So, that was a complete utter waste of time."
"How about ve actually fucking look now? Just because France isn't molesting him doesn't mean he isn't getting molested, ve need to split into groups and get looking!"
Germany slammed his hands against the table AGAIN, daring anyone to step up against his alpha authority.
America felt as the most important country there he should step in and get Germany to calm the frick down. He walked over to Germany and pat him on the shoulder. “C’mon man, no need to get all aggro on us for just trying to figure out if he’s fine or not. Just take a few deep breaths in and out.”
Germany slow turned to America and glared at him. This fucking fatass idiot was telling him to calm down?? This was a dire situation, poor little Italy was missing.
"Do not touch me or tell me to calm down! This is VERY serious and you arent even trying to help!" Germany poked America's shoulder aggressively.
“How about YOU don’t touch ME you sausage loving bastard. I am trying to keep everyone calm and not freaking out running all over searching for Italy when we don’t even know if he’s in danger!” America walked back over to his seat, kinda scared of what Germany would do to him if he was too close.
"Why VOULDN'T we search for him?? It's like you want him dead! We need to do something productive instead of listening to an American tell us that a country being missing isn't a big deal." Germany spat, definitely overreacting slightly and definitely putting words into America's mouth but he couldn't help it.
"If you continue to not take this with the seriousness it deserves then I will personally see to it that your country experiences another 911!"
Canada began to loudly cry, he didn’t like seeing everyone argue and it just overwhelmed him way too much. “GUYS STOP FIGHTING THIS IS SO STUPID!” He continued to loudly sob, and slam his face onto the table. The tears coming from him started to form a small pool that kept growing and moving across the table.
"Oh no... rook what you two's bickering has done." Japan frowned faintly, lightly patting Canada on the shoulder. "It's okay, Canada."
Germany stared awkwardly at Canada, torn between the urge to continue fighting and the urge to uncomfortably stare at the crying man. He eventually decided he didn't care and he looked back at America. "So, are ve ready to start taking this seriously, you ignorant bitch??"
America whipped his head away from his sobbing brother and back towards Germany “Wow ok you wanna go assdolf? I got all day you bastard!” He slammed his hands down on the table, making Canada’s head lift from the impact for a moment before slamming back down. “No one even likes you, you smell weird and you’re too aggressive constantly!”
Germany scowled.
"It is offensive to make comments like that relating to my country's past you fat fuck! And you have no right talking about people not liking you." He rolled his eyes, "All you do is eat everybody's food and talk about how you're the hero. You're way too up your own ass to realise that it's annoying!"
America took a burger out of his pocket slowly before throwing it at full force towards Germany’s face. “Yeah well you would KNOW about things up your ass, you Germans are into so much weird shit. Homo.” He took a loud ass dramatic breath; “How dare you insult me, the greatest country in the world! You need to chill the heck out and stop freaking out on everyone over nothing.”
Germany didn't even flinch when this fattys burger hit his face. He waited for it to slide to the floor before speaking again.
"You're the homo here, you fool. The fact that you actually believe you're the greatest country in the vorld is beyond me, your country is full of a fat people who couldn't even tell me where Russia is on a map."
America turned to a world map that was conveniently placed on the wall in the conference room and confidently pointed to Russia (India). “There, Russia is RIGHT there.” He put his hands on his hips confidently, being 100% percent correct. He pulled out another burger from his pocket in celebration of how smart he is.
Britain burst out laughing at America's embarrassing little mistake. After a few seconds of hysterical laughter he walked over to America and slapped him across the face.
"You FUCKING IDIOT," Britain said through laughter, "That's INDIA. Oh my God!.. Okay, okay. We've established that America is an idiot and Germany is a homo. Can we get back on topic please?"
America did NOT take this criticism well, his finger just happened to slip to India rather than Russia. “How dare you insult your own brother! You’re all being such jerkwads, this is pissing me off SO much!!” America reached into his pocket again but instead of pulling out another burger he pulled out a gun. He fired it into the ceiling making Canada whip his head back up from the noise.
Britain automatically ducked as this idiot pulled out a fucking gun. It wasn’t that guns in general scare him, just America with a gun was worrying.
“Jesus Christ America!”
“Americans and your fucking guns, put that down right now!” Germany pointed at the weapon in Americas hand. He waited half a second before stripping himself of his jacket and leaping over the table towards America.
America screamed at the large man literally crawl-running towards him on the table. “H-HEY STOP IT!! I was just trying to get everyone to shut the hell up!!” America aimed his gun at Germany as a warning for him to stop.
“VIOLENCE IS NOT THE ANSWER TO EVERYTHING,” Germany yelled, completely ignoring how hypocritical he sounded as he was currently trying to fight the weapon away. He collided with America and tried his best to wrestle the gun out of the stupid man’s hands.
America tried kicking at Germany’s feet and shins to get the large buff man off of him but it wasn’t working, all he could do was keep his amazing grip on the gun. “GET OFF OF ME!!” He screamed as he tried to headbutt Germany.
“Hey hey everybody! What’s going on!” Italy burst into the room waving and smiling.
Germany stopped what he was doing immediately when he heard Italy’s voice. He wasted no time getting up off of stinky America and instead towards this stupid little man. “Italy! Where the hell have you been?!” He asked, gripping Italy’s shoulders and shaking him gently.
“You haven’t happened to have been brutally molested, have you?” Britain butt in, unsure if he was going to be heard over Germany’s homo behaviour.
America stammered back and immediately put the gun away. “Where the hell have you been man? You disappeared on us bro!”
Canada looked up as well, not being able to get a word in before Japan cut him off.
“Yes, we’ve all been very worried. Are you aright?” Japan asked, looking at Italy with mild concern. He didn’t want to possibly overwhelm him like seemingly everyone else but Canada seemed to be very eager to talk.
Italy scratched the back of his head nervously, and patting Germany on the face gently. “Oh you know.. I went to get on the bus but I missed it! Then I started to wait for the next one but it was too late in the night so I stood around for a few hours for nothing! Then I began to walk home before I started getting a weird texts from everybody so I assumed you were all here and I decided to walk on over!”
Germany sighed in relief. Italy was such a fucking idiot he could not believe it. Who just waits for hours instead of going home sooner? But he was admittedly glad he was okay.
“Vhat is vrong with you? You’re going to get yourself killed someday.” Germany blushed and shook his head in disapproval. “Stop petting me..”
“How could you even say that Germany!” Italy ignored Germany’s request and instead of lightly petting him he got his other hand and began to pinch both of Germany’s cheeks. “Oh you guys always overreact about silly things! Hey whats with the hole in the ceiling?”
Germany blushed harder, looking very annoyed and flustered at all this touching. He side glanced at the others in the room before looking back at Italy. This was very embarrassing.
“America shot the ceiling, that’s why there’s a hole.” Germany’s hand grabbed one of Italy’s on his face in a very weak attempt to get him to cease the pinching.
“Oh wow! What an odd thing to do, anyway I go home now!” Italy removed his hands from Germany and turned around to start walking out.
"No, vait." Germany said without thinking. He grabbed Italy's shoulder again to stop him from walking out. This was extremely embarrassing behaviour.
"You're stupid you'll probably get yourself.. missing again. Let me at least valk you back." Germany awkwardly took his hand back and put it back down by his side.
“Okay Germanyyy! Let’s go.” Italy took Germany’s hand and started skipping his merry ass into the hallway while dragging Germany behind him.
The rest of the group just sat staring at the two leaving in disbelief, Italy had been fine this entire time and everyone was just being stupid and arguing for no reason.
"Is skipping necessary?" Germany reluctantly let himself be dragged by this man. They were at least being embarrassing where others weren't around. That made this slightly better.
"So, you're really okay then?" Germany asked despite the fact that Italy was clearly fine. He was just a little worry flurry when Italy was involved.
“Yes yes Germany I am finees!” Italy said while slowing to a walk. “You worry too much for me.”
"I do not. You've simply proven yourself to be a risk. You're extremely irresponsible." Germany frowned slightly.
“Whatever!” Italy grinned and began bolting off into the distance.