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"We should get married."
If Meta Knight had a regular respiratory system, he would have choked on his food and died of suffocation after hearing those words. Instead, the phrase "only" felt as if the person who had spoken it had struck him on the head with a hammer. And we're not talking about just any hammer, but "The Big Hammer™". The mental impact had been so powerful that it had almost made him fall off his seat, but he managed to regain his balance before he slipped.
"Excuse me? I didn’t hear what you just said," Meta Knight claimed after recovering. He definitely must have misheard the king’s words. Dedede would never say something like that, much less during dinners where they discussed serious matters such as defence plans, the state of Dream Land's infrastructure, and other boring topics that had to be tackled in order to give Dream Land the image of a proper, functioning kingdom.
"We should get married," Dedede repeated in a neutral tone as he continued eating like his words lacked any weight.
So Meta Knight had heard the words perfectly fine. Dedede had just proposed to him out of the blue, in the middle of one of their dinners/strategy meetings, completely casually, in the least romantic way possible as if it were a mere bureaucratic formality. What the heck?
"You're joking, right?" Meta Knight said, still not quite believing it.
Dedede stopped eating and stared at Meta Knight. The monarch's unusually serious expression was the only response the knight got.
So no, Dedede wasn't joking. Meta Knight had never felt so perplexed in his life. Still, he decided to wait for his partner to explain before saying or doing anything inappropriate.
"I know it's very sudden, but I've been thinking about it, and I believe it would be a good idea," Dedede began to explain. "You see, I need someone to take care of Dream Land when I'm gone."
"I thought you wanted Bandana Waddle Dee to be your successor," the knight replied, tilting his body in confusion. Dedede had mentioned it to him once, and he had approved the idea. Bandana was a responsible, hard-working, and honest person; he had a very close bond with the king and had the trust of all Dedede’s servants, so he was the perfect candidate to inherit Dream Land’s throne (although they hadn't told him so yet.) Why had Dedede changed his mind? Had something bad happened between the two of them?
“And that’s still the plan,” Dedede affirmed, much to Meta Knight’s relief, “but the Waddle Dee’s growth rate is quite slow, and he still has many years ahead before being considered an adult,” he added with concern. “While I believe he already has what it takes to be a great leader, I fear that the people of Dream Land, and especially the rulers of other kingdoms and countries of Pop Star, will reject him because of his age and cause him trouble,” he finished with an anguish that was uncharacteristic of him.
“But you still have a long life ahead of you. Bandana will be a middle-aged adult by the time your life cycle comes to an end,” the knight assured him.
Thinking about Dedede’s death always caused Meta Knight a small pang in his heart. Knowing that one day he would no longer have to put up with his sworn partner's nonsense or have him as a battle companion, nor would he ever again see his bright blue eyes or hear his loud laughter (which the knight found quite annoying but still loved nonetheless), always caused him deep sorrow. While that fact made Meta Knight savour every moment they shared, and luckily would continue to share for many years to come, and motivated him to create unforgettable memories with and of Dedede, the shadow of that inevitable future always haunted him.
And to think that just a few years ago he had wished that the "despicable, lazy” king would vanish from his sight forever… How much things change.
“That’s not the point,” Dedede said. “The issue I want to address is what will happen if Bandana is forced to take my place prematurely.”
Until Dedede had uttered those words, Meta Knight hadn’t even considered that possibility. And it was a possibility he loathed because, if it ever came to pass, it would mean he had failed as a knight, as a friend, and as a partner.
“Dedede, you’re the strongest native lifeform on this planet. I don’t think you should be afraid of an early death,” Meta Knight tried to downplay it. He wanted to expel those morbid thoughts from his mind.
Dedede, however, remained silent for a few moments that felt like an eternity to his knight. When the king spoke again, his tone was sombre.
“Meta, I would have starved to death in that frozen wasteland if the Beast Pack hadn’t found me.”
The revelation hit Meta Knight with force, leaving him as cold as the icy land that had almost claimed his partner's life. He knew Dedede had gone through very difficult times in the Forgotten Land, but the king had never shared many concrete details about his hardships. The knight had always assumed that it was the months of solitude and isolation that had eventually caused Dedede's will to break under Fecto Forgo’s influence, and the king hadn't said anything to suggest otherwise. The fact that his partner had truly been at death’s door had left Meta Knight horrified…
Part of him wished that the king was just exaggerating, but Meta Knight knew Dedede too well for it to be the case. When the monarch exaggerated, his gestures became more theatrical, and his plumage looked a little bit more "plump". Instead, Dedede had uttered that phrase in a subdued tone, his eyes darkened and his feathers limp.
Despite not having lungs, Meta Knight felt like his breath had been taken away. He had almost lost Dedede without him being able to do anything to prevent it.
“Dedede, I…” Meta Knight broke his silence, but he actually didn’t know what to say. In fact, he didn’t even know how to feel. Remorseful for not being there? Relieved because the king was safe anyway?
“It’s okay, Meta. I’m alive and back home. That’s the only thing that matters, isn’t it?” Dedede reassured him with a tired but sincere smile and an unusually tender tone. “No matter how much we think about it, we can’t change what happened there. We can only move on the best we can,” he insisted.
Meta Knight interpreted Dedede’s words as a different way of saying, “Let’s not talk about it right now, okay?” He silently agreed, even though he knew that what he had just been told about would keep him up at night for a while.
“And that’s why I’m thinking about these things,” Dedede continued speaking. “I want to have everything well planned in case the worst scenario ever happens.” Then, to Meta Knight’s surprise, Dedede jumped up from his seat and, striking a pose the monarch considered “cool”, added, “but it’s just in case, okay? The Great King Dedede isn't going down without a fight, no sir! My plan is to live at least for a thousand years, or even more if possible."
Seeing Dedede regain his usual energy and attitude lifted Meta Knight's spirits, and he couldn't help but chuckle at his partner's behaviour. However, the atmosphere having warmed up only served to highlight the elephant in the room.
"I see. Having plans regarding the succession to the throne is more than reasonable," the knight conceded. "But I still don't understand what us getting married has to do with it!" he exclaimed, somewhat exasperated, to bring the matter back to the issue that had caused his astonishment in the first place.
"Well, it has to do with the fact that I want you to be Dream Land’s regent in case something bad happens to me and Bandee is still a minor," Dedede finally exposed. "Didn't you really realise that was my point since the beginning? And then people say you're the smarter one out of us two," he teased playfully.
Just when Meta Knight had begun to think that nothing the king would say that evening could further surprise him, the king's words struck him once more. Was he serious? While the idea of ruling Dream Land and transforming it into a militarised country "for its own good" had obsessed him years before to the point of him leading his failed coup, now he struggled to imagine himself sitting on the throne. If before he had been certain that his reign would force the kingdom's inhabitants to abandon their "lazy" lifestyle and take up arms, now he wouldn't even know how to begin governing them.
If Vul ever found out what Meta Knight was about to reject, he would probably resign immediately as captain of the Halberd.
"Dedede, I'm truly flattered that you consider me your first choice..." Meta Knight began to present his resignation after a long sigh.
"My only choice actually," Dedede pointed out.
"...but I cannot accept the position of regent," the knight finished. Before Dedede could protest, Meta Knight asked, “Do you truly believe that those who wouldn't accept Bandee because of his age would accept me after I tried to overthrow you? They'd most likely accuse me of somehow causing your death."
“That’s why us getting married would solve that problem. No one will question the legitimacy of your regency if you’re my husband!” Dedede replied as if it was a genius idea, making Meta Knight rub his temple.
“And what will they think of you for marrying someone who would have dethroned you if he hadn’t been stopped?” Meta Knight emphasised.
“That phrases like ‘there’s a thin line between hate and love’ or ‘bickering is just flirting in disguise’ actually carry some truth to them,” the monarch replied with an amused smile.
Meta Knight sighed in exasperation. Only someone like Dedede would treat a topic like royal marriage with such triviality. It was clear that the “self-made” king hadn’t had any real court-based education (because while customs varied from planet to planet, the ways royal courts operated were usually similar), or else he would be taking the conversation more seriously and giving more thought to whom he should choose as a consort for a regency. I was clear that Dedede seeing him as a "solution" was something decided by the king’s emotiontal side rather than by logical thinking.
“I don’t consider someone like me a good consort. My lifestyle and reputation aren’t the most compatible with the position precisely," the knight explained. “Not to mention the amount of resources and work organising a royal wedding takes. I don’t think we have enough time for that given everything that goes down on Dream Land.”
“Don’t worry about your lifestyle,” Dedede replied. “From the beginning, I assumed that even if you accepted, you wouldn’t live with me full time, though, as you already know, your room and bed in the castle are always available… and so are mine,” the king added, winking at Meta Knight and thus making him blush beneath his mask. “As for the wedding, we wouldn’t have to have a ceremony, reception, honeymoon, and all that stuff if you don’t want to. We would only have to sign a document with a couple of witnesses for our union to be legally and politically recognised, and that’s it. Problem solved,” Dedede tried to convince the knight.
Meta Knight felt offended by the last few words of the king. Sign a document and that’s it?!
“No way. If we ever get married, which I doubt, we’d get the best wedding ever. I want a lavish ceremony, a reception with the two biggest cakes ever made in the galaxy, and a honeymoon that involves fighting a powerful ancient creature on a distant planet, or there’s no marriage!” the knight demanded, which made Dedede burst out laughing.
“Wait, why two cakes?” the king asked.
“Do you really think one would be enough for us and all of our guests with Kirby there?”
That made Dedede laugh even harder. Meta Knight couldn’t help but smile, since that was his favourite “annoying noise”.
“Yeah, you are right. And what kind of lavish ceremony do you want? A special theme, or do you want something really, really luxurious?” Dedede played along. It seemed that the knight didn’t entirely dislike the idea after all, and, therefore, there was still a chance. "I could bring out my special occasion ceramic tableware that's still brand new," he said. "Although with all the collapses this castle has had, we might have to spend two months glueing its pieces together for it to be ready for the banquet."
"I refuse to waste my epic bachelor party fixing your fancy tableware!" the knight declared emphatically.
And so, the two partners spent the night amidst mock wedding plans and laughter. Whether or not Meta Knight accepted the proposal remained within the walls of King Dedede's castle. But whatever the outcome, the memory of the evening when Dedede proposed to him out of the blue was one Meta Knight would always cherish, even with its lights and shadows.