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He was an exceptional student. A great mage, a genius mind. But then he met her.
All those days with him in the lead disappeared, and he now knew defeat, knew how it feels to be in second place, the almost winner, and somehow even after excelling in all, she was always at the top, looming over him.
The bitter feeling in his mouth washed over his entire mind. It was overconsuming him; his thoughts, his everyday life began and ended with thoughts of her. But somehow in all the hate and jealousy, there was an underlying threat that he did not identify until too late. Now he was not only focusing, hyperfixating on her grades, his grades, her essay, his essay, her mind versus his…Now her smile, the light glint in her eyes, somehow interested him beyond mere means of competition.
She brushed her chestnut hair behind her ears quite a lot when focusing. Her small frowns when struggling to do something amazed him so much more. Even when the professors urged her to do something or criticised her for being late, she did not budge or falter. She had her way of doing things, and she did that astonishingly well.
After a few years, their rivalry that ate him up one day, then fueled him on another, developed in an unexpected way. It was a day when her brown hair glistened in the sunlight that broke through the library windows, a day when they locked eyes a little more than usual, and a day when she spoke to him more than they were ever used to.
Not to say they were hateful rivals, they spoke a normal amount, kept a distance suited to academic rivals, and were still just polite, which was expected of the students of their level.
But then she rose up from her seat and stood before him. In fact, Cyran was embarrassed that it might have been because she caught him looking too many times, but her words were not of scolding or questioning him, but of a kind “Hello” that she said with her charming smile. He, of course, did not show his thoughts, or he hoped there was no redness of shame on his face.
“Hello, what can I help you with?” He showed his usual smile.
“Well, there is the tournament that was announced a few days ago…” She looked around. “I was wondering if you had a partner for it already?” Her brownish eyes looked at him now straight, and he tried his best not to get lost in them and answer.
“I saw it, but there was no minimum number, so why partner up, no?” He tilted his head, unsure why she looked for a partner to begin with. They were both so powerfulthat they did not need a second or third hand to win some small fights. Of course, there were always people wanting to leech off of her or his accomplishments, but he used those only to forge connections for the future, not for a high-stakes competition like this.
“The year restricted one did not, but the ‘Finals’ did…I asked the professors if we could fight against older groups…and they said if we team up…” she looked at him nervously. ”We could try…We would not place ranks or be counted in all the competition stages, but we could try a few to gain experience. Some professors thought it would be a nice learning experience for us.”
That one was only for those in their final years, but if they did allow those who were just below to participate, then they might also secure better patrons and higher-ups who would support their research in the next years… That was a good opportunity. Fitting for him.
“Are you asking me to team up with you?” Cyran narrowed his eyes suspiciously. She had better friends and more people who must have asked her.
“It’s the Finals…We could, of course, win against our year students individually, but there will be tougher opponents; it would be nice to have a team with someone as talented and smart as you. I think we could win it all if we were allowed to be ranked, too.” She chuckled. And if he was not already lost in the compliment and fighting the urge to blush, he might have noticed her red ears that she carefully hid behind her hair.
“You need a teammate to participate, and you chose me?” It felt as if she was just desperately in need of a plus one, so why him? Even after her words, he could not quite believe it.
“Your latest essay on transfiguration and elemental magic…As the professors said, it was phenomenal… I thought we could partner up on research with my latest one and use the competition for some experiments. If you would be interested?”
“You read my essay?” He was taken aback. Yes, the professors would encourage others to read all the top students, and he read all hers, but to think she did read his works when she always received the highest marks…
“Well, of course.” She tilted her head, smiling as if that was the most natural thing ever, and he felt some warmth spread in his chest even more.
“So…is that a no?” She asked, embarrassed.
“No! I mean- yes, we could team up…for research. What hypothesis are you thinking?”
And as her face lit up with a smile, he could barely focus on the topic at hand. They spent their time together after classes, sitting together at the library while their love for magic seemed to win over whatever he was feeling, and they both became lost in all the magic circles, only sharing some glances that made both feel a bit shy during the days leading up to the competition.
It was never a question who would win in their year bracket; they blew everyone away, even in fights, casting speed and theory.
After one fight that included many green foul-smelling monsters, they were heading back just as they cleaned their clothes with some magic spells, preparing for the Final’s fight the next day. But somehow, as they summarized the day’s results, she asked something.
“Do you think we went too far today?”
“What? No…It was just that they were too underprepared.” He said without missing a beat. She had a too soft side that many would take advantage of, but he would not let them use her like that. So he went almost all out, making the fight not even last 3 seconds.
“You think so? But they looked like they wanted to cry…” Her soft frown made him curse those students.
“Maybe it was just the smell of the monsters, or their own…”
She chuckled, and he felt a soft smile form on his lips. She also looked at his face so closely that he felt almost shy.
“I'm glad,” she whispered.
“Don’t worry about them.”
“No, not that, but…I’m glad you don’t seem to hate me.” He froze for a moment. “I mean, I always had a feeling you might not like me…We never had a chance to really talk, and I frankly felt a bit nervous around you. I heard some people talk about you and me as deadly rivals and…I hoped you don’t really hate me as much as they make it seem like…”
Cyran inhaled sharply, feeling momentarily lost at her remark. He heard those rumors, how they depicted him as a loser, always second, and hateful towards her. And he could not deny that he shared some of the sentimentality.
He did hate her; he hated how she always came first, always excelling even after helping others, and he hated how her smile lit up any room, any person’s mood, including his. There was a bitter sentiment, as he, someone of noble blood, someone destined to be great (and he was), could not quite reach her level, even after all the nights at the library, or even the dark knowledge he was slowly accumulating.
Even as that bitter taste lingered in his mouth, she came and fed him so many sweets during their time spent studying together that he never lingered long on those feelings anymore. Not just the sweets, cookies she had handmade for him, but her ever-charming words and gestures were pulling him to something soft and peaceful. Happy.
“I do not hate you.” His words left his lips softly and slowly.
In the past few months, he never once thought of hate, but of something else. And in that moment, he did not show the noble smile he was taught, as her eyes crinkled, his lips curled up into a genuine smile. One that Merlin cherished for a long time in her mind, even if he did not know.
***
It was the last day of the tournament, and they were going over their shared research in an empty classroom. They sat awfully close on that bench that one might never have believed the hated rivals rumor if they witnessed this, as the pair leaned into each other, smiling and discussing the last few details.
She took out chocolates to celebrate, and her lips looked even more inviting as she nibbled on the sweets.
“Do you…have a partner for the dance?” She asked in whispers as they finished the last touches of the schematics.
He barely heard her over the rustle of papers. “The celebration ball? No, I was not very keen on attending either, but since my family is coming…”
“Oh.”
He stopped and looked at her carefully. “Why? Do you have one?” His eyes narrowed, and he counted how many guys he ‘accidentally’ made ‘unable’ to invite her.
She shook her head. “I might have planned to charm you with the chocolates to attend with me…or maybe ask for just one dance?” She seemed to hide her face with her hair so skillfully that he could not see her expression.
He sat up straighter. “Oh?”
“I mean, I do not want to force you or blackmail you, I just-” her voice sounded neutral, like her usual demeanor, but her ears were bright red, and Cyran felt himself smirk. “But I heard nobles do these with their engaged partners or family members…So I guess it would not be proper, right?” She stood up abruptly, and he followed reaching for her hand.
“I would still like to hear the invite.” He put on his best gentleman smile.
She just frowned, sensing he was only teasing her. But he was not. He was ever so delighted and amused.
“For you to decline me? I still do have some pride.”
“Please, I would never do that. With you.” His words were careful, slow, and true. His other hand went up to her lips, taking his time to feel her with her as he cleaned up the residual chocolate from her mouth.
She froze, her face flushed underneath his touch, while he felt a sense of accomplishment in making the great and mighty prodigy blush with only a touch. Smirking, he lifted his finger to his lips. “Since I took the sweets, it’s only proper that I would give something in return. I will escort you, be ready at 6, my dear partner.”
And with that, he left the room, feeling prouder and more excited than ever.
***
He pulled some strings and made sure his family did not attend that evening, so he did not feel any lecture after he pulled his partner away from the crowd. Outside, they danced alone, her clothes and hair sparking in the night, and she even looked more beautiful than Dura or any ancient goddess. Cyran did not know what to focus on: her lips that he wanted to taste, her chuckles that he deemed more tasteful than any song he ever heard, or was it her graceful neck and hands he wanted to shower in kisses.
It was that night when he stopped denying his wants and needs, landing a soft kiss on her rosy lips, and it was that night when she showed him how she felt. She kissed him back, marking the best day of his life. It was also the first day of their relationship.
***
When she left, he sometimes strolled around the garden and the library during his teaching at the Academy. Cyran always ended up looking at her portrait in the middle of nights, when he did not need to control his face as much, when he did not need to hold in his sighs as he traveled down his memory lane and when he could admire her face openly, just like when it was just the two of them in a room during their student days.
Her big portrait stood tall, ever so big and dauntingly beautiful next to his. The students and professors would always praise her across the halls, and it made her face linger in his mind a bit more frequently. “Magister Merlin,” they would praise her. But he called her differently when they were alone, or when he was alone,
‘My Merlin.’
***
After many years, during which he only heard a few whispers of Magister Merlin’s tales and him slipping beyond return into the evil schemes of the world, while still dissecting and studying her magic in secret, news arrived that he had never expected. Something so absurd but also so fitting of her, that even the worry washed over him.
She lost her memories during a big fight to save humanity. The rumors did not specify how much, nor how it happened exactly, but it ate him up, that she might have forgotten about him. She forgot about him. The rage battled in him, after so many years, the feelings, the kisses, and words they shared were gone from her…How could that be?!
He knew after their breakup that she fought hard to act nonchalant, to look fine, and then she left the country for adventure, like she was done with him and their romance. Probably, she moved on, yet still, there would always be a piece of her life that they shared, and that kept him content. Cyran saw so many signs that she still cared, the hurt that was on her ever so lovely face, even if others did not recognize it, perhaps except her familiars. But she could never fool him. He knew her well; her emotions, thoughts, and actions were a bit predictable. Even her unpredictiveness was familiar to him.
To think that “them” vanished from her mind…Was unfathomable. And unacceptable.
So next, when she arrived at the scene of his schemes, he was glad to an extent. When he invited her for a dance like old times, she still did not recognize him…A small needle-like pain pierced his cold heart just like how it was always with her. The only person who made him feel jealousy, anger, and fury. But also love, softness, and admiration, before all went the wrong way. That was why he played with her, left hints for her, some tales about them that were not untrue, while he led her during the dance just like when they were still together. Her hand fit in his just like before; their closeness was ever so familiar, and their eyes connected as they would even without memories. Some lights flickered in her dark brown eyes, she tilted her head, and the way she put her hand on her chin like usual made him even more nostalgic of it all, if only…she had not forgotten about him.
Looking back, that was one of the few times when Cyran felt like a winner. When he broke it off, when he broke her heart, and amidst his too. The only time he felt on top was when he did the unexpected and left her hanging in tears. Something he was sure not many would do, not something a normal man or someone sane would do, so he had that idea of him lingering in her mind forever, just like she was in his.
Alas, the Gods were cruel. He cursed them for a long time now, and today was no exception. They made him a loser once again…How was it that she lost her memories, but he felt like the one who lost his precious piece of himself, the happiest moments of his life?
So he played his cards as planned and unleashed the undead on that place, to see how she would fare, to see if her magic was still second nature to her. And it was…His Merlin was as exceptional as ever. Then he only needed to do something about her memories…