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Inside the cave, it was cold. Only a single candlestick was lit at the table. It could barely illuminate the small chamber under Mount Tonglu. Jun Wu had gotten used to this environment as of late.
He had made peace with it all.
Between Xian Le and him…
He lost.
He had accepted.
Jun Wu had been suppressed under Mount Tonglu some months ago— some months ago when it all finally came to an end. Since then, he had been recuperating here. For some reason, there was also a person who had been accompanying him and assisting him in his recovery. And this person was not unfamiliar at all.
Mei Nianqing.
That was the name that the person called himself by. So Jun Wu pretended not to know what his true name was.
Whether it was a personal choice or supervision, Jun Wu could not really tell.
Jun Wu knew that Mei Nianqing was once his beloved vassal, back in the day when Jun Wu was still Taizi Dianxia of Wu Yong.
Mei Nianqing knew that Jun Wu was aware.
Yet for the few months they had been together here, neither of the two ever talked about what was gone and what was lost.
Jun Wu continued to lay at the bed, covered by two thick blankets. His body sank into the soft mattress. Winter was soon to arrive in a few weeks.
He had gotten used to staying here. He had even gotten somewhat better. When Jun Wu was first suppressed, he even had to take the form of the ghost fire as all his spiritual energy had been stripped away. However, he had returned to his human form quite soon enough. Perhaps it was all Mei Nianqing's good grace for offering him medicinal soups at random times of the day.
Though it was always dark and dreary inside the cave, Jun Wu could still tell if it was day or night simply by the temperature alone. Currently, it was late at night, when the moon soared high above in the sky and lovers would chat about their simple nothings.
Some sniffled sounds of sobbing were heard, too mild for the ears to truly catch. Yet, Jun Wu could hear it clearly.
Jun Wu shrouded the blanket over his face, pretending not to hear.
He was asleep, he was asleep, he was asleep.
But the more he tried to ignore, the more prominent the sniffling noises became.
Just a while ago, Jun Wu had followed his usual schedule of quarreling with Mei Nianqing before sliding into bed. Nothing out of the ordinary.
Oh, perhaps, this quarrel had escalated just a little bit. Jun Wu might have made some light remarks regarding Mei Nianqing’s method of preparing food. And he might have ended up not having his dinner. But it was nothing out of the ordinary.
Even Mei Nianqing had made his counter remarks— of how Jun Wu had forgotten basic propriety, of how he was tired of preparing the same soup everyday and of how he was ready to leave but remained back anyway. This, too, was nothing out of the ordinary.
This way, both of them were even.
Then why— why on Earth was Mei Nianqing still sitting at the table, with his face buried in his own arms, his back slouched and body curled!? Low sniffling sounds were heard again, undeniably from his side.
Usually, even if they quarreled, Mei Nianqing would lay next to Jun Wu anyway and if furious enough, snatch away his blanket. If his fury heightened further, he would not lay next to him and instead sit on the floor by the bed post, tucking his head at the edge of the mattress.
But tonight, he sat at the table.
The table was five zheng away.
The sounds of weeping only became more prominent.
Jun Wu became more impatient.
How annoying.
Weren't they even!? Why bother making such a scene? If he could not handle a few harsh words being thrown at his face, why quarrel back at all?
What did he expect anyway? If he were to cry, was Jun Wu supposed to admit his fault, apologise and coax him!? In his dreams.
Jun Wu turned towards the other side, still covered with blankets.
Despite being defeated and suppressed now, Jun Wu had once been Taizi Dianxia of Wu Yong. He had once been the sole Emperor of the Heavens. He had once been White No-face, the most feared Calamity of three realms. Why would he apologise?
Clothes rustled. The fire at the edge of the candlewick flickered. The sounds of whimpering were still audible.
Jun Wu could not contain himself any longer.
The mattress submerged under the blankets. Jun Wu sat up and looked at Mei Nianqing.
Sob, sob…
Jun Wu sighed.
Now that he had taken the decision to sit up, he immediately regretted it. There was uneasiness in his heart but no words in his tongue.
If he were to say anything, it would surely be only more and more bitter words. Better not to say anything, better to ignore.
Except, he really could not ignore any longer.
Mei Nianqing's figure seemed quite timid in the haziness of the night. When his shoulders shrieked occasionally, the candlelight faltered.
His shadow fell on the wall beside him, which seemed to be larger than the person itself. How could such a mellow person carry such burdensome shadow?
The candle stub was very small by then, the flame simmered in only a little bit of the wax which was left. The scenario felt extremely melancholic, as if the person who sat at the table would extinguish away along with the candlewax.
Jun Wu felt a tug in his heart, a knot at his throat, a churn within his stomach. Just a small cave, quite suffocating.
Yes, it must have been because of the smoke of the little candle which had rendered the small chamber airless. The air was heavy, the odour musty, the chamber small and stifling. Heat rushed through his veins but could not settle at his chest.
Jun Wu uttered the name which was unfamiliar to his lips.
“Nianqing…”
Mei Nianqing did not reply. He did not even turn to look. His sniffling quietened. His shoulders continued to quiver.
Jun Wu cleared his voice with a cough and suggested, “It is cold. Come, lay next to us and close your eyes now. Otherwise, tomorrow you will have slumbered till noon.”
It was not unusual for him to make this kind of offer. It was a sort of peace making ceremony in case a quarrel escalated further than it should have.
Mei Nianqing did not respond. He continued to bury his face in his arms, sobbing.
Jun Wu knew not what else to say. He had already made a peace offering. If it went unaccepted, what was he to do anyway?
Clothes rustled. The fire at the edge of the candlewick flickered. The sounds of whimpering were still audible.
Jun Wu’s feet touched the ground. He stood up with great effort. Although his condition was improving, it was still arduous to perform basic tasks without assistance, requiring great energy to move his lumbersome body.
“The soup… the soup Nianqing makes is quite good. However, lately, our condition has been improving too quickly. If more medicinal soup was consumed, it could cause harm to meridians. So we… could not have it tonight. It does not mean Nianqing lacks skills,” Jun Wu explained.
Mei Nianqing finally peeked from his arms which were folded at the table. His eyes were misty and dark. He quickly averted his gaze and buried his face again.
“Nianqing…” Jun Wu muttered, “Qing'er…”
Qing’er…
Back when Jun Wu was still Taizi Dianxia of Wu Yong, he would call Mei Nianqing endearingly with the last character of his name. Even after all these years, even after Mei Nianqing had changed his identity and embraced his alias as his true name, he still chose to keep that character intact.
The ‘qing’ in his name meant you.
There was still a part of himself from the old times that Mei Nianqing could not forget.
“Qing'er, come, sleep,” Jun Wu said, firmer this time.
He was still unwilling to apologise. If he admitted defeat after ignoring for so long, what better was he than a dog?
Not apologising, not apologizing, not apologising.
Jun Wu had noticed something as of late. Mei Nianqing’s habits had barely changed much in these two thousand years. He would still lean onto the wall when standing for long hours, he would still push his food around the bowl while eating, he would still wear five layers of robes on summer days and seven on winters. Mei Nianqing's temper had not changed much either— it was still easy to anger him to death by barely even trying to.
At this thought, Jun Wu’s lips curled into a smile but soon faded away. His feet paused next to the table. Only after being so close in proximity did he realise that there was a strong sour smell. Liquor…?
“You drank…?” Jun Wu asked, though he already knew the answer.
Mei Nianqing lifted his head lightly and nodded from left to right to gesture. No!? He still dared deny this claim!?
Mei Nianqing buried his face into his arms again.
Jun Wu sighed. Liquor, though poor for their cultivation, could still be taken from time to time. It was not the first time that Mei Nianqing had it.
When they were still in Wu Yong, Jun Wu would often drink at night and his four vassals would accompany him. Every time they did so, Mei Nianqing would sit and cry regarding things that barely even mattered. Otherwise, Mei Nianqing was a man made of iron and steel. Mount Tai could be moved, but Mei Nianqing wouldn't cry.
“Why did you drink?” asked Jun Wu.
Mei Nianqing lifted his head again and frowned. Then he glared at Jun Wu as if it was his fault that Mei Nianqing had to drink. Then he tucked his head into his arms again.
Jun Wu's hand approached Mei Nianqing's head but in the end he could not caress it. Mei Nianqing disliked being touched, especially his head.
Thus instead Jun Wu kept his hand on Mei Nianqing's shoulder lightly, hoping it could soothe him.
Mei Nianqing shoved his hand away.
Jun Wu sighed.
“What’s wrong?” Jun Wu asked. If he wouldn't, Mei Nianqing would not reveal.
Mei Nianqing whimpered. It turned out even if he asked, Mei Nianqing would not reveal it.
Jun Wu had already advanced his moves. If Mei Nianqing was unwilling to meet half way, then what could Jun Wu do anyway? He might as well return to bed and sleep.
Mei Nianqing sniffled.
“Alright, it was our fault. Forgive us, Qing'er. Qing'er is quite skilled in cooking. Words uttered in fury are not meant from the heart,” Jun Wu muttered.
It was an apology and not an apology at the same time. If apologising meant he was a dog, he was only half a dog till now. He had not completely compromised. Even if had to lower his dignity and discard his pride, he could still not relinquish his authority.
“Mmh… No… not— that…” Mei Nianqing finally spoke.
He lifted his head so that his voice could be clearer, but his choked sobs made it barely plausible.
Jun Wu tried to take out his handkerchief from the sleeve of his robes, only to realise that he did not have any.
Mei Nianqing was not the kind of person who would seek comfort while crying anyway. What he sought was clarity.
Jun Wu could provide neither.
Jun Wu grabbed the edge of his own sleeve and dabbed at Mei Nianqing's cheeks, wiping away his tears. Mei Nianqing withdrew his face lest Jun Wu's robes be stained by his tears.
“Don't—” Mei Nianqing said but his voice broke.
Was Mei Nianqing that afraid of ruining Jun Wu's robe…?
“It's me who has to wash them later! It is so cold these days! I don't want to wash! My hands hurt! What would you know!?” Mei Nianqing suddenly burst out.
Mei Nianqing had never before cited his complaints regarding the chores. In fact, Jun Wu never even asked him to do such things. It was Mei Nianqing himself who insisted. He would not even take Jun Wu's refusal.
“Then do not wash,” Jun Wu suggested mildly.
“No! I will wash!” exclaimed Mei Nianqing.
Jun Wu retracted his hand to himself. Mei Nianqing looked at him straight in the eyes, his cheeks stained by trails of tears, his eyes slightly red but barely noticed under the candlelight. It was only when he was drunk that Mei Nianqing would look him directly in the eyes.
Finally, there was no sniffling, no sobs and no tears. He only wanted to sleep now that it was quiet again.
“Why cry if you are willing to?” Jun Wu asked, not really concerned of what the response might be. Those were only some words to wash away the silence with words he had stacked up.
Mei Nianqing murmured, “Not that… It's not about cooking dishes or washing clothes… It's all my fault… My fault…”
Tears brimmed at the corners of his eyes and droplets fell yet again. No matter what, Jun Wu was always the one losing.
“Not your fault, not your fault,” Jun Wu coaxed as he lowered his torso and embraced Mei Nianqing.
Mei Nianqing continued to wail. His arms wrapped around his torso like a child clinging onto his mother.
Jun Wu did not even understand which word of his made Mei Nianqing cry. Perhaps it was not him but something else. Back when Wu Yong was still thriving, when was it that Mei Nianqing would cry?
As Jun Wu caressed Mei Nianqing’s back, he tried to recall those days. Mei Nianqing's fingers clutched onto Jun Wu's robes, as if out of desperation, like a man drowning into the ocean but grasping onto hay.
Ah, yes, during the glorious days of Wu Yong, Mei Nianqing would never cry. Jun Wu would always make sure that no one would dare to make him cry.
Besides, Mei Nianqing was emotionally restrained by disposition. Jun Wu could not recall any moment when the stoic young master was overwhelmed to tears.
Though there were undeniably some small moments where he may have shed tears… It was usually when the two of them were alone… around midnight or even late… only when the chamber was too dark to notice tears on his face… usually when cold weather prevailed… especially when winter approached…
But an essential prerequisite of his tears was permanent— liquor.
An atmosphere like tonight's. Had anything changed about him in two thousand years?
“No, it is true… It is my fault…” Mei Nianqing voiced. He had finally ceased weeping.
He sounded more coherent than before, still a little muffled from liquor and all that crying. But Jun Wu could hear him clearly because Mei Nianqing's face was buried in his chest.
“What is?” asked Jun Wu, praying in his mind that Mei Nianqing would not start sniffling again after hearing this.
Mei Nianqing’s head bobbed backwards to take a look at Jun Wu's face. His eyebrows furrowed, his lips puckered. His eyes became misty with water.
No, don't cry again. Not again.
Mei Nianqing sighed and embraced Jun Wu again, burying his face into his chest.
What happened to not ruining his robes by tears?
“I… I betrayed my disciple… Do not—” Mei Nianqing choked at his own words and coughed.
Jun Wu tried to pull Mei Nianqing’s face away from his chest but Mei Nianqing would not budge. Mei Nianqing continued to have his arms wrapped around Jun Wu's torso firmly.
After Mei Nianqing breathed again, he said, “Do not tell this to others. But it is true. It is my fault… my fault I betrayed my disciple, my little disciple, my little Highness…”
Jun Wu's hand which caressed Mei Nianqing till then, was suspended mid air.
Mei Nianqing’s honored disciple… whom Mei Nianqing addressed as ‘My Little Highness’...
It was undeniably Xian Le whom he spoke of.
The relationship between the Guoshi and the disciple was quite good as far as Jun Wu knew. What was the betrayal that Mei Nianqing spoke of?
Jun Wu was curious. But he did not ask. Other's personal matters, what was there to ask? Wasn't he just an outsider anyway?
Yet why is it that Mei Nianqing confided in this outsider and even asked him not to tell anyone else? Was it because he knew that there was no one else in this whole wide world who would pay Jun Wu a visit?
“When I— I— When I took this name and went to Xian Le for the first time— I thought I would be lonely and took them with me,” Mei Nianqing spoke between his sobs. He raised his hand and pointed at the corner of the room where stoic three paper men laid, devoid of spiritual energy.
Jun Wu caressed his back quietly.
“Not them— I mean— Using the technique Your Highness taught… I… made three puppets— puppets of them… and… we became the… state preceptors…” Mei Nianqing explained but the last few words turned into inaudible whispers.
He lifted his head and looked at Jun Wu. Jun Wu looked back at Mei Nianqing. It turned out that Mei Nianqing was quite audacious when drunk.
Jun Wu had been leaning onto the chair to embrace Mei Nianqing but this position was held for too long, thus resulting in back pain. Great, the back pain that took five months to reduce had already returned in less than five minutes. All that effort only to stop a person from crying!? Was it even worth the hassle?
As if reading his mind, Mei Nianqing finally released him from the embrace. Jun Wu stood up straight, using the edge of the table as his support.
Mei Nianqing gazed at him with teary eyes, as if it was not him but Jun Wu who had backed away from the embrace first. He asked, “Why— hic— why was… I saying this..?”
Jun Wu feared that if he did not respond right away, Mei Nianqing would break down into tears again. So he quickly replied with whatever that came to his tongue, “Xian Le…”
Mei Nianqing scrambled to his feet. His hands curled into a fist and punched onto the table. Perhaps because he was too drunk, they became more of a light tap than a punch.
“Ah… Right, Xian Le… it's all this… this Guoshi's fault! All my fault! My motives had been immoral from the very beginning!” Mei Nianqing wailed, “I— I convinced myself— myself that— hic— that I would take the position of the state preceptor— hic— so that— so that I can… save the young prince… and the people… people of Xian Le… for I—I knew your eyes were on him ever since his birth— I—”
Tears ran down Mei Nianqing’s cheeks which had just gone dry, flushing his face crimson. Jun Wu did not respond.
Mei Nianqing continued, “I… tried to convince myself— so many times— that it was for the greater good! That I did it for the people! For my little disciple! For…! For… My Little Highness! But— hic”
His breaths were loud and uneven. His face had contorted after so much crying.
Jun Wu had adapted seeking pleasure from this kind of face… the ones in absolute misery…
A face convulsing for having cried to the point there were no tears left, a body wriggling due to immense unmeasurable pain, a mind destroyed yet living in a kind of agony which was unthought of…
Jun Wu had witnessed all kinds of grotesque. He had learnt to seek the utmost pleasure out of it.
Yet tonight, when was it so difficult to bear? His heart felt heavy.
Droplets of wax melted down and settled on the table. The little candlelight wavered momentarily. The candlewick was barely even present and yet it burned.
Mei Nianqing added, “But— But truth be told— hic— I— Back then… I only wanted to— sculpt a jade who would not walk your path— hic— to… weld a blade who could defeat you— hic— mh.. to raise a disciple who could spare your life… for my sake… I BETRAYED HIM!”
Qing’er…
Jun Wu extended his hand and placed it on Mei Nianqing's shoulder, caressing him gently.
Mei Nianqing shoved away his hand with great force, causing Jun Wu to stumble a few steps backward. Jun Wu had barely recuperated well enough to have regulated his spiritual energy. It was difficult to control and he was still quite weak.
“DON'T TOUCH ME! DO YOU NOT HEAR ME!? I SAID I BETRAYED HIM!” Mei Nianqing screamed, “DON'T TOUCH ME!”
Mei Nianqing's hair was kept open tonight. His face was unveiled, unlike usual, but it was still covered by several strands of his head. His chest heaved up and down restlessly.
Mei Nianqing glared at him.
How dare he!
Even if he was so weak now, Jun Wu had once been Taizi Dianxia of Wu Yong. He had once been the sole Emperor of the Heavens. He had once been White No-face, the most feared Calamity of three realms. He was still strong enough to grasp Mei Nianqing’s neck and choke him to death! He was only an arm away from him anyway! A twist at his neck would end everything!
But when he pushed Mei Nianqing onto the table with both his hands grasping his neck, Mei Nianqing did not protest. Jun Wu's cold fingers went still.
Mei Nianqing yelled, “I BETRAYED HIM, YOUR HIGHNESS! FROM THE MOMENT HE WAS BORN— I BETRAYED HIM! I'VE BEEN BETRAYING HIM SINCE! The little boy who—hic— accepted me as his Guoshi— I— I HAD NEVER ONCE BEEN SINCERE TO HIM?”
The sentence trailed off into a question. A self judgment disguised under a rhetoric tone. When Mei Nianqing spoke loudly, the words were clearer and more coherent. Since his neck was under Jun Wu's fingers, Jun Wu could feel each of his breaths changing its pace with every word, every scream, even every falter.
“I have wanted to be his Guoshi… I've— hic— tried to. I've been trying— to be more— more sincere… I have always— mh… always loved my disciple… But I— I still can not hate you, Your Highness… I still… Mph… I still forgive you— I— I— I still… I still like you, Your Highness!”
Jun Wu's eyes widened for a moment. His grasp loosened slightly. His fingers still rested at his neck, as though contemplating.
Mei Nianqing gazed at him with empty eyes. A single drop of tear was all that escaped. His breaths were muffled.
No, this was wrong.
He almost lost it again…
Just as Jun Wu was about to release Mei Nianqing's neck, Mei Nianqing's fingers laced against Jun Wu's wrists suddenly, preventing him from withdrawing his hands. Mei Nianqing deliberately redirected Jun Wu's hand to his neck, making the other man's fingers press onto his throat like roots digging into soil.
“It is— hic— It is my fault, Your Highness,” Mei Nianqing muttered.
Jun Wu tried to release him again but Mei Nianqing’s grasp was still too firm. If Jun Wu tried to retract his hands by force, it could still hurt Mei Nianqing.
Mei Nianqing pressed the back of Jun Wu's hands heavily, the cumulative weight falling at his throat.
His breath hitched. Jun Wu could hear it.
His hands trembled. Jun Wu could feel it.
Mei Nianqing’s neck was warm. Jun Wu’s hands were cold.
Realising that Jun Wu was not accentuating his grasp on Mei Nianqing’s neck, Mei Nianqing loosened his grasp around Jun Wu's wrist. Mei Nianqing averted his gaze and started coughing. But when Jun Wu tried to withdraw his hands, Mei Nianqing refused to let go.
Mei Nianqing spoke with great effort, “Bestow… your cursed shackles… on your v-vassal, Your Highness…”
The cursed shackles represented the rage of heavens, a symbol of nothing but an ignominy mingled by shame and humiliation. Yet Mei Nianqing asked for those shackles as though it was heaven's kindness to be ‘bestowed’!
While Jun Wu was still in reign, the Emperor of the Heavens, cursed shackles were solely put upon Heavenly Officials who were banished, usually put on the wrist to seal away spiritual energy as a punishment.
This method was actually invented by Jun Wu himself. The first person whom he used it on was not a heavenly official but his very own vassal— Mei Nianqing.
But the shackle he gave him was not on his wrist but on his neck. A cursed shackle at the neck would prevent death from injury, poisoning or any other means. It would grant immortality. That was the punishment Jun Wu had granted him.
“As black ink soaks… into white silk… Your Highness, etch your shackles… into my skin,” Mei Nianqing uttered as he gritted his teeth.
Jun Wu could still remember it quite well. Two thousand years ago, when Wu Yong fell, that day when he killed three of his vassals and returned to the shack that was a temporary abode. He could still remember how days after Mei Nianqing found out his deeds and impulsively decided to put a cursed shackle on Mei Nianqing's neck. Back then, Mei Nianqing had raised the mirror-like sword whose blade reminded Jun Wu of his own heinous self. That was how Mei Nianqing resisted. That was how Jun Wu allowed him to escape.
Yet tonight under the dim candlelight, it was Mei Nianqing who initiated his own demise. The person who was so afraid of pain was actually begging for a cursed shackle! What a ludicrous sight!
Mei Nianqing was aware that Jun Wu had already lost all his spiritual energy. He barely even had the power to walk for too long. Cursed shackles? What a joke. Jun Wu could no longer bear to put cursed shackles on anyone.
“Y-Your Highness— cough, cough— Why do you… look at me… like that?” Mei Nianqing forced the words out of his chest, barely able to breathe, tears running across his temple as his head squirmed backwards.
Only then did Jun Wu realise that his own hands were trembling.
What kind of face was he making…?
He did not know…
All he knew was that his fingers were wrapped around Mei Nianqing's slender throat, pressing onto it with the force that Mei Nianqing guided Jun Wu’s hands with.
Cold sweat formed on his forehead. Blood rushed through his veins. An uneasiness settled in his chest. His breath was uneven.
“My Dear Highness, My Dear Highness…” Mei Nianqing’s words turned into inaudible whispers, his skin turned pale, his eyes almost turning backwards.
“QING’ER!” screamed Jun Wu, jerking his hands away from Mei Nianqing’s grasp, finally being able to release himself.
As a result, Mei Nianqing’s hands flung and fell onto the table, each beside his own head— one of his hands accidentally brushed against the hot wax which puddled from the stub of the candle. He immediately retracted his hand and turned towards the other way, still lying upon the table.
Yet, he did not have the leisure to yelp in aching pain. He could only cough and cough and cough and cough—
Jun Wu immediately rushed towards the bed and grabbed the glass of water that had gone cold there. He quickly held Mei Nianqing's hand and spilled the water onto the burn carefully, his hands quaking as he did so.
“Qing'er! Qing'er, are you alright!?” Jun Wu asked frantically, as though he had gone back in years and was still the little prince who asked his vassal of his wellbeing in the most desperate manner.
Jun Wu assisted Mei Nianqing to sit on the table properly, propping his back on the wall. He embraced Mei Nianqing and caressed his back to soothe him.
As Mei Nianqing's coughs eventually ceased, he clutched onto Jun Wu's robes.
“Qing'er, don't worry, it won't hurt anymore… it won't hurt anymore… We are sorry… It's our fault… our fault” Jun Wu murmured.
The pounding inside his heart had not stiffened at all, it was as though ten thousand ants gnawed into it. The only words he knew would be able to soothe were those which he had used two thousand years ago.
“My Dear Highness,” Mei Nianqing uttered in a low hushed voice.
Jun Wu stood between his two legs, his large frame covering the smaller man as he leaned in. Mei Nianqing's legs hung around Jun Wu's waist, his hands wrapped over his shoulder.
“Two thousand years ago… On the day when we first created a cursed shackle on a living person… It was Qing’er… who bore our very first cursed shackle. That day, we did it solely on impulse. After that… we thought about it for a long time… why is it that we put a cursed shackle on him…? Does Qing’er know why?” Jun Wu orated.
Rather than a question, it sounded more like a personalized narration. Jun Wu continued, “We convinced ourselves that it is because we wanted Qing'er to feel the shackles of immortality… the agony that we could not escape… our misery that Qing’er would only understand if we granted him the cursed shackles. But in our heart, we knew that it was not the case. Qing'er always knew our melancholy very well. There was no need for shackles.”
Jun Wu paused to catch his breath. Mei Nianqing buried his face further into Jun Wu's chest. Jun Wu patted his head tenderly.
He narrated, “Then we tried to convince ourselves that it was because we required a loyal devotee who would secure our existence until we became the Heavenly Emperor. Qing’er devotion was unquestioned. We thought this precision in our impulsive plan was difficult to ignore. But in our heart, we knew that even without Qing'er as our immortal devotee, we would still live. There were far too many followers that we had even at that time. Even if we were to lose them all, we could still shackle ourselves to immortality.”
Mei Nianqing peeked at Jun Wu from below. He did not seem to comprehend well, probably because of the liquor. That was good too. If he were to forget tonight by tomorrow, that was quite good.
Jun Wu added, “However, one day, when we sought leisure in Shen Wu Palace, as the Emperor of Heavens, we finally realised… we realised why we had put these shackles on Qing'er. Neither was it because we wished to push him into perpetual sorrow of immortality, nor was it because we wished to keep him as our loyal devotee… We only wanted him to… We only wanted him to live.”
Hearing the last few words, Mei Nianqing peeked at Jun Wu again. His face had turned crimson from the liquor. His eyes were unfocused. His thin lips were slightly agape.
“I… used to think… Your Highness— hic— wanted to— hic— choke this vassal to death,” Mei Nianqing stated nonchalantly, as if barely comprehending his own words. Jun Wu knew how truthful he was when drunk.
“We could not, even had we wanted to. That day, we had already known that Qing’er would leave us. When we thought about it, we were afraid that Qing’er would be too feeble without us by his side to protect him. Thus we bestowed him immortality,” Jun Wu answered.
Mei Nianqing protested, “Not feeble.”
“Qing’er has a sharp tongue and a knack for angering people. Back then, Qing'er did not need to restrain himself from offending people as Taizi Dianxia of Wu Yong could protect him by words alone. We were afraid that without us by his side, there would be people who scheme against him. Qing'er has a mild temperament and may not notice their bad intentions,” Jun Wu explained.
“How can someone with a sharp tongue have a mild temperament?” Mei Nianqing voiced his genuine thoughts, as if they were talking about someone else. He looked overjoyed after realising he had successfully found a logical incoherency in Jun Wu's words.
“When the Imperial Pet of our Imperial Mother died, Qing’er did not eat for three days and three nights, mourning for the little dog which would play with him… Is he not mild tempered? On the third night, when we finally returned to the Imperial Palace, we persuaded him to eat. We were afraid that without us by his side, if there was any such hassle in the future, he would starve himself to death. Thus we bestowed him immortality,” Jun Wu replied, his hands still caressing Mei Nianqing’s back.
“Then— hic— mild temperament, it is. Why say… sharp tongue?” Mei Nianqing asked.
“Back when we were Taizi Dianxia of Wu Yong, how many ministers had not been wrathing due to Mei Nianqing’s voicing of the utterly unmasked truths? Very few. We wondered if Qing’er would get into a fight in the future when we were not by his side… What would happen? Qing’er is well versed in defensive skills but lacks quite a lot in offensive attacks, causing injuries if the battle is not a quick one. There would not be any Imperial Physicians to check upon him anymore. Thus we bestowed him immortality,” Jun Wu narrated.
“Not lacking. My Little Highness— mph— is the Heavenly Emperor. It is I who has— hic— taught him— hic— all the martial skills,” Mei Nianqing debated even when he was drunk.
“Alright, alright, Qing’er has great foresight. He has seen right through us. The true reason why we bestowed him immortality… It is because… it gave us hope that if fate allowed, we could still encounter each other. The earth is round and there are still several years to pass… how could there not be a possibility of us meeting again? Thus we granted him immortality,” Jun Wu admitted.
Suddenly, Jun Wu felt a soft punch on his arm. He looked at Mei Nianqing who was still in his embrace and yet his hand was curled into a fist.
Jun Wu chuckled. Mei Nianqing hit his arm lightly again. Perhaps he was trying to use greater force but it did not quite land because he was drunk.
“Qing'er, it hurts. Why do you hit our arm?” Jun Wu asked, playing along.
“You deserve it,” Mei Nianqing answered in a matter-of-fact manner. He added, “If it were not for this immortality, I would not have lived till the years to enter Xian Le as its State Preceptor and take My Little Highness as my disciple. Then…”
After a pause, Mei Nianqing continued, “Then I would not feel this guilt of having betrayed the child who still so solemnly trusts me… Xie Lian, that foolish child, even though he knows of my betrayal, he never even acknowledges it as a betrayal.”
“So is that why Qing’er was crying for so long?” asked Jun Wu.
“Yes…” Mei Nianqing admitted, nodding with embarrassment as he felt a little more sober.
“Qing’er sired his disciple because he wanted to protect us?” Jun Wu asked.
“Yes… Your Highness…” Mei Nianqing admitted again.
“He wanted to protect us because he could not hate us?” Jun Wu inquired.
“That… That is so… Your Highness,” Mei Nianqing clarified.
“That means Qing’er likes us?” Jun Wu interrogated.
Mei Nianqing flinched. His cheeks reddened uncontrollably. His own words were shot back at him.
“Since Qing'er did all that for us, we shall not allow him to bear this guilt alone,” Jun Wu declared. He added, “How about Qing’er says it again to prove his sincerity, hm?”
Mei Nianqing tilted his head and asked, “Say what?”
Jun Wu leaned into his face and answered, “How much Qing’er likes us.”
Mei Nianqing bit his lower lip, his eyes wandering everywhere but at Jun Wu. He did not know how to respond and only stared awkwardly.
“Come on, Qing’er, say it, only once more,” Jun Wu persuaded.
Mei Nianqing's face flushed. His hands fidgeted. Jun Wu already knew that he would not dare to confess his true feelings again. He had only revealed these emotions in the heat of the moment. What was already vomited was difficult to swallow back.
Jun Wu grabbed the high collared robe that Mei Nianqing wore and pulled him closer. Mei Nianqing turned his face the other way, his heart pounding against Jun Wu's chest. When he averted his gaze, Jun Wu was left with an impending vehemence of an incomprehensible feeling. He was warm, too warm, so warm that his own blood could scorch him to death. Blood gushed through his veins like lava.
“Say it once more and we will bear your sins with you,” Jun Wu repeated.
Clothes rustled. The fire at the edge of the candlewick flickered. The sounds of whimpering had ceased since long.
“Just once is fine,” Jun Wu iterated.
Jun Wu embraced Mei Nianqing tightly, his nose reaching the crook of Mei Nianqing's shoulder. As his breath hovered towards Mei Nianqing's neck, he heard Mei Nianqing’s breath hitch. Mei Nianqing suddenly placed his hands between the two bodies, as if he too was afraid of being scorched by this warmth.
“Wouldn't you, Qing’er?” asked Jun Wu, not truly expecting a response.
Jun Wu's hand grasped onto Mei Nianqing's waist. He pressed a kiss onto Mei Nianqing's neck, then he planted a peck at his jaw and then a kiss at his earlobe.
“Your Highness—” Mei Nianqing uttered finally, his voice almost cracking. His hands pressed onto Jun Wu's chest, pushing him away out of reflex. It was as though he wished to escape this unfamiliar proximity and yet remain in this embrace at the same time, a choice that rested somewhere between assent and rejection.
Jun Wu gazed at Mei Nianqing's eyes which were unwilling to face him. He whispered, “Qing'er?”
Suddenly, the little candlelight extinguished! It must have been out of wick…
The two figures remained still, not moving from their positions even slightly. For a while, neither of them spoke. Under the mountain, it was too dark to see anything now that the only candle in the chamber had extinguished completely. It was strange and awkward.
This shared silence was a tacit understanding, like an unbreakable vow between the two residents of Mount Tonglu, though one was a prisoner of the mountain and the other the guardian.
Jun Wu decided to commit the sin of breaking the unbreakable vow of unclaimed silence and tacit understanding by speaking first, “Then… we should go and find another candle. Qing’er is hurt by the wax, he should remain here and rest.”
Mei Nianqing relaxed his embrace reluctantly. Jun Wu withdrew himself as well. Yet after Jun Wu had only taken a step away, a hand grasped onto his sleeve.
“Your Highness…” Mei Nianqing muttered.
Jun Wu's feet paused. He turned towards him and asked, “Yes, Qing’er?”
Though it was dark and Jun Wu could not truly see Mei Nianqing, he felt that Mei Nianqing looked away even while tugging at his sleeve.
“It is dark. If Your Highness… searches for… the candle alone, he will be… scared,” Mei Nianqing suggested.
Taizi Dianxia chuckled, “Oh? And whatever measures shall we take to prevent that?”
“Then this vassal will accompany Your Highness!” exclaimed Mei Nianqing valiantly, as if he was fulfilling his duties with great sincerity, absolutely selfless and without any ulterior motives of personal benefit.
Even after two hundred years, had Mei Nianqing not learnt to adapt to the darkness? It turned out that even immortality could not secure him from some of the complex earthly frays.
It was not bad either. At least, Jun Wu could search for the candle alongside him.
“Alright, accompany us. We…” Jun Wu laughed softly and proceeded to correct himself, “I like Qing’er a lot too.”
红豆生南国
The red bean grows in southern lands,
春来发几技。
With spring its slender tendrils twine.
愿君多采擷,
Gather for me some more, I pray,
此物最相思。
Of fond remembrance 'tis the sign.
-君梅-
—Fin.