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The glass was cool against Henry's cheek as he sat in the window seat in the bedroom and stared out at the rain, knees pulled to his chest. He'd given up on sleep hours ago, managing to drag himself out of bed around four that morning, though he wasn't sure how long ago that was. He watched the raindrops run down the window as he pulled the quilt tighter around his shoulders and thought through the last two years. The secret meet-ups. The night Alex showed up at Kensington. The texts. The emails…Christ, the emails. The way he and Alex stuck by each other through the media fallout.
And then moving to Brooklyn and Alex starting law school. Henry had watched the way this first semester consumed Alex. So many nights spent watching Alex study at the coffee table until he could barely keep his eyes open, or texting to ensure Alex had made it home from the library and eaten something. That was not to mention the royal etiquette lessons Henry's grandmother demanded Alex attend over the summer. Henry began spending so much of his time helping Alex keep from falling apart, that he didn't realize the cracks that were forming in himself until it was too late.
—
Alex frowned down at the three unanswered texts to Henry. It was nearly noon, and he had yet to hear back on when they where they were meeting for lunch. He couldn't help but become concerned. Was Henry sick? Was he having a dark day? Usually he texted Alex something to let him know. Did Alex do something wrong? Had he become so caught up in school he wasn't paying Henry enough attention? Had he become too much for Henry, with his ranting and stressing about his courses?
He flopped back on the sofa, telling himself he'd wait another half hour before texting again. Within a few minutes, though, he was pacing the floor. After debating back and forth for several minutes, Alex tugged his shoes and coat on and headed towards Henry's house. He sent a text letting Henry know he was coming but received no response.
—
Henry burrowed further into the blanket as David jumped onto the window seat, circling a few times before settling by Henry's socked feet. As his thoughts continued to swirl, he could just make out the sound of the front door then footsteps on the stairs and a familiar voice calling his name.
"Hen—" Alex cut himself off as he stopped in the doorway and took in the state of the bedroom before walking towards him. "Are you sick?"
Henry didn't so much as shrug in response.
Alex bit his bottom lip and sat facing Henry in the small space between him and the edge of the seat. After another moment of hesitation, he reached out, resting his hand on Henry's arm and slowly moving it up until he reached Henry's stubbly cheek. "Hey," he whispered as he gently turned Henry's head to look at him.
"Hi," Henry mumbled, voice raspy from disuse.
"What's going on, baby?"
Henry shook his head, looking back out at the rain.
"Babe. Henry." Alex tried to get his attention again before letting out a soft sigh and getting up. He went downstairs to the kitchen, standing there for a minute before starting to make tea. When he returned to Henry ten minutes later, his boyfriend hadn’t moved an inch. He sat back down, holding out the mug for a few moments before moving Henry's hands until Henry was holding it. Alex kept his hands over Henry's until Henry slowly pulled his own away.
“Oh, thanks,” Henry mumbled as he took a sip, still not looking over at Alex.
“You’re worrying me. What’s going on?”
Henry turned his gaze from the rain to the mug in his hands, staying silent as he sipped the tea. “I’m tired,” he finally answered.
“You look it. Why?”
“You wouldn’t…” He shook his head and drank the last of the tea.
“I wouldn’t what?”
“Understand. You’re too nice and good to me…for me.”
"Agree to disagree, but that's a conversation for later. What's going on? Are you feeling sick? Do I need to go buy you some cold medicine? Or are you having a bad day? Did something happen? Did I do something?" Alex froze after the last question fell from his lips.
"Just a bad day. Don't worry about me. You didn't do anything wrong."
"I'll worry about you if I want to. You can't tell me what to do." He nudged Henry's leg next to him with a soft smile.
Henry shook his head, staring down at the empty mug.
"Baby…"
"It's fine. I promise. You can go have a nice Saturday. I'm sure some of your friends are available to do something."
"Hard to have a nice Saturday if I'm going to be worrying about my boyfriend."
"You don't need to."
"But I'm going to." Alex reached out and stroked Henry's hair back from his forehead.
Henry shook his head again as he pulled away. Alex let out a quiet sigh before standing, kissing the top of Henry's head and going downstairs.
~
An hour later, Henry had returned to the bed, laying on his stomach, pressing his face into his pillow, and burrowing under the covers. He squeezed his eyes shut in the hope of falling asleep, or at least getting his brain to stop spiraling, but had no luck. Familiar footsteps approached and the bed shifted next to him. He tensed in anticipation of being pulled into Alex's arms, but instead he just felt a hand rubbing over his back and heard the occasional soft laugh as Alex watched videos on his phone.
Henry waited and waited, gradually feeling his body relax under Alex's touch. It was never enough to fall asleep, but Henry appreciated it nonetheless. After a while, he turned over onto his back and looked at Alex, who was sitting with his back against the headboard, completely engrossed in a video about how aluminum foil is made. He stared up at his boyfriend, his heart aching in his chest.
"Alex," Henry whispered, blinking tiredly up at him.
Alex quickly paused the video and set his phone aside. "Hey."
"Why are you still here?"
Alex froze and a flicker of panic crossed his face. "I…I thought maybe you still wanted me here. I can go if you'd like. I know you told me I could before, but I figured that was just you pushing me away. If you need space, I'll go. I just wanted to help and I know you liked having me here the other times you've had dark days."
Henry swallowed the lump in his throat. "I don't want you to…" He took a deep breath then changed directions. "I want you here, but I don't want you to get tired of dealing with all this."
"Why would I get tired of all this? You're my boyfriend. I love you."
"Because it's so much."
Alex scooted down to lay next to him, reaching out and rubbing a hand over Henry's arm. "Okay, let's back track. What is too much? 'Cause your depression and having days like this are not too much, and anyone who tries to tell you that is an idiot and a liar."
Henry looked down at the duvet, picking at a loose thread. "Everything. Having to cancel plans we made to go to lunch and the aquarium because I can barely get out of bed. I'm still going back and forth to England. It's our first Christmas that we could reasonably spend together, but I still have to go to Sandringham, and my gran has forbid you from coming. She required you to take etiquette lessons that I'm sure were beyond anything she ever required from Martha. And I know Martha received some lessons growing up, but yours were…" He squeezed his eyes shut.
"And? We get lunch together all the time. We can go to the aquarium another day. We'll have Christmas together before or after your trip. I already ordered matching pajamas." Alex tilted Henry's chin up and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "And maybe I'll be able to go with you next year. The classes were dumb, but now I can be sure I won't get murdered for using the wrong fork at dinner with your family."
Henry blinked, his spiraling thoughts slowing. "You bought Christmas pajamas for us?"
Alex gave a nervous smile as he stroked the sharp stubble covering Henry's cheek. "Yeah, um, Bea mentioned Christmas pajamas were a big thing with your dad and something y'all continued, so I thought it might be nice for us to do. You know, making our own traditions but keeping the ones important to us. If I overstepped, I'm sorry. I can return them. I don't think they've even shipped yet. I can probably just cancel the order. It's really no…" He trailed off as a small smile spread across Henry's lips.
"You bought Christmas pajamas for us because you know they're a tradition for me," he said softly.
"I mean…Yeah. Why wouldn't I've?"
In lieu of an answer, Henry rolled them over, settling with his head on Alex's chest. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." Alex pressed a kiss to the top of Henry's head as he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend tightly.
~~~
That evening, after putting away the leftover pizza, Alex joined Henry on the sofa, sitting with Henry's head on his lap and sinking his fingers into silky blond strands. Henry blinked tiredly at the TV, where a familiar episode of Bake Offplayed. He had tried to take a nap again after their talk that afternoon, but sleep continued to elude him. Every now and then, he glanced up at Alex, who back smiled softly.
Before the final episode of the season began, Alex removed his hand from Henry's hair, reached over, and took the remote from where it laid next to Henry then pressed pause. Henry frowned and looked up at him confused.
"Do you want me to stay?" Alex asked.
Panic coursed through Henry in an instant. "I…You don't have to if you don't want…"
"Is that a 'yes'?"
Henry swallowed the lump in his throat and looked back at the TV.
"Hey." Alex gently turned Henry's face back towards him and stroked his cheek. "I want to. I'd love to. I'm asking if you want me to."
"I'd like that," Henry whispered.
"Okay, then let me know when you're ready to go to bed." He moved his hand back to Henry's hair as he pressed play on the remote and set it back next to Henry.
~
Two hours later, Alex looked down at Henry, fast asleep with his face pressed into Alex's thigh and half tucked under the blanket that usually stayed draped over the back of the sofa. He had fallen sleep barely ten minutes into the second episode, and Alex didn't have the heart to wake him. But now, Alex was getting tired and knew better than to try to sleep sitting up after too many times doing just that when studying. He let out a soft sigh before turning the TV off and gently nudging Henry until his boyfriend let out a quiet groan and tried to bury his face further into Alex's thigh.
"Let's go to bed, baby," Alex said as he carefully sat Henry up just enough to stand then looped Henry's arm around the back of his neck, guiding him to his feet. He half dragged, half led Henry up the stairs to the bedroom, thankful he'd turned most of the lights off in the brownstone earlier.
Henry leaned into Alex as the duvet was pulled back, and let Alex guide him onto the bed. He let out a small whine when Alex let go and tucked the duvet around him.
"I'll be right back." Alex kissed Henry's temple before heading to the bathroom to brush his teeth.
When he returned, Henry was shifting around, trying to settle back into sleep. Alex quickly undressed and tossed his clothes onto the window seat before climbing under the covers and pulling Henry close. Henry instinctively snuggled closer to Alex's side, clinging to him. After a few moments, Alex pressed a lingering kiss to the top of Henry's head as Henry relaxed once again with a sigh
"I'm here, baby. I'm not going anywhere. I promise," Alex whispered into Henry's hair before closing his own eyes and dozing off.