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Shane was sitting down on his couch thinking about how good hockey camp had been. The money raised for charity, the engagement from the kids, and being able to spend time with Ilya in public. Even if they weren’t able to be openly together.
The hockey season was starting soon, and they would be back to being rivals. Ilya was currently on the phone with Cliff Marlow. Cliff had been traded from Boston to Ottawa, which had put Ilya in a really good mood. Cliff had been Ilya’s best friend in Boston for years, and Shane knew that leaving Cliff was the hardest part of Ilya coming to Ottawa, and so he was just as happy that Ilya was reuniting with him again. He could hear Ilya telling him about how Ottawa was boring, and that he had even taken to completing puzzles in the evening as there were no good night clubs.
Puzzles. An idea sparked in Shane’s mind. Excitement started to build, similar to the excitement he’d had when he came up with the idea of starting the hockey camps and the Irina Foundation. Could it work?
“Shane, why are you thinking hard?” Ilya asked, finally off the phone.
“I had an idea. What about building on our friendship throughout the hockey season?” Shane started.
“You always talk about Harris and social media. And Montreal has already emailed, saying that I need to increase my social media presence this year. What if I live streamed Dad and I doing a puzzle, and then casually said that I could sign it and auction it off for charity for the Irina Foundation? Then you could comment while I’m live and say something snarky about not being invited, and how a puzzle with yours and Marlow’s signatures would raise more money. I would chirp you back and say game on, and we could start a live streamed puzzle night.” Shane said, happiness in his voice as he looked at Ilya.
Ilya had gotten good at puzzles under David’s tutelage. And he could see the idea that Shane had proposed, just as he had when Shane had woken him up to tell him about the Irina Foundation. He enjoyed puzzles, wanted to spend more time with Marlow that didn’t involve night clubs, and this would be perfect to keep Harris off his back. Boring, safe content.
“What about away games? No David then?” Ilya asked. If they only did the live streams when they were home, it would seriously cut into the time Ilya could spend with Shane.
“Exactly, no Dad. So it would make perfect sense to talk to you and Marlow to fill in the silence.” Shane explained. “But Dad would be in the first video, and then maybe in some others if they get popular enough”
“Let’s buy some puzzles then” Ilya said with a grin on his face, which got bigger as Shane grinned right back at him.
————————
Shane was fiddling with the tripod for the tenth time, ensuring the iPad would capture the table as well as him and David in the frame.
“It’ll be fine son, let’s do this before Ilya messages again asking when are we going to start” David said.
“Okay,” Shane said. He started the live stream and went around and sat down next to his Dad.
“Hi everyone, I’m Shane Hollander, though you probably know that. You might not know my Dad, David.” David waved awkwardly at the camera as he was introduced.
“Dad and I enjoy have enjoyed doing puzzles for years. And I know it might be a bit boring, but I thought you guys could ask some questions while we’re doing the puzzle, and at the end, I’ll sign the box and organise for it to be auctioned off. With all the money going to the Irina Foundation.” Shane explained.
He held up the box to show them what the puzzle was- a 500 piece mountain landscape. He put his glasses on, smiling a little at how this was probably affecting Ilya, and started turning over some pieces with his Dad. After a minute, he looked up and read through some of the questions. Ilya’s hadn’t appeared yet. But it was early.
He answered the questions he was comfortable with, like the biggest puzzle they had ever done (2000 pieces), his favourite spot to do a puzzle (at the table), how many puzzles they did a year (that was trickier, but they had done several this year), and some of the hockey questions, like how he felt the season was going (great), was he ready for the next game (he’s been training hard), did he think he could win another Stanley Cup (he’s hopeful, but it’s a team effort).
Shane was getting a bit impatient now. He and David had turned all the pieces, done the edges, and had completed a good chunk of the puzzle and still nothing from Ilya. Shane passed on a question about where David had got his love of puzzles from, with David talking about how he had done puzzles with his own family growing up as a comment popped up from Ilya.
Hollander, where is my invitation?
Shane had to stop himself from smiling. He looked at the camera, “Rozanov, I didn’t even know you liked puzzles.”
Many things you don’t know about me Hollander.
“That’s true. I’ll invite you next time we do a puzzle, if you want?” Shane offered, ready for the reply that was about to come his way.
No invitation. Competition.
“Competition?” Shane asked, hoping he was sounding confused, even though all he wanted to do was smile.
Marlow and I will do same puzzle as you next time. We will sign box. Our box will get more money than your box. Bring in more views too- you are boring.
“You want a competition over who’s puzzle box gets the most money?” Shane clarified. He was trying very hard not to smile now as he saw all the likes and supportive comments appearing.
Yes.
“What do you think Dad?” Shane said, looking towards David, who had kept his head down doing the puzzle to hide his smirk at his boys putting on a show.
“I won’t be at your away games. You’d be doing the puzzle alone.” David said, laying the bait for Ilya to take. Which he did.
Scared of friendly puzzle competition Hollander?
“I’m not scared of any competition involving you Rozanov. You’re on” Shane said, completing the plan perfectly.
Umm… Marlow here. Roz, when were you going to tell me about this puzzle competition?
Well almost perfectly, but Ilya could deal with Marlow.
Now. We will win. I am puzzle master.
“Rozanov, I’ll send you some dates and some puzzles, you can let me know what works for you, then I’ll do a post to let everyone know. Does that work?” Shane asked.
Yes. You should get back to puzzle, your Dad is doing all the work.
“Okay, puzzle master.” Shane said, exaggerating an eye roll. Shane went back to the puzzle, answering a few more questions as they popped up. Soon they were done, they made a show of Shane signing the box, and then David too after comments flooded in asking him too. Shane thanked everyone that tuned in to watch, then ended the livestream.
“Thanks Dad,” Shane said after he closed the iPad. Shane’s phone starting ringing.
“Is that my other son?” David asked with a smile. Shane looked at his phone and smiled, nodding at David as he accepted and put the call on speaker.
“Hey, you’re on speaker,” Shane said, alerting Ilya to the fact that David could hear the conversation.
“You are genius in glasses Shane. Harris is very happy. Management is happy. Perfect plan” Ilya exclaimed.
“And Marlow?” Shane asked dryly.
“Marlow is whinging. He will love it. He just doesn’t know it yet.” Ilya answered.
They had already decided when ordering puzzles online what one they would be doing, and when they would be doing it. In two weeks Ottawa would be in Boston, and Montreal would be in Florida. They would both get there a day early and livestream the puzzle in the evening before the game.
——————
Shane sent Ilya a message ensuring he was ready to go. Having received a thumbs up, he started his livestream and sent the invite to Ilya to join. Soon they were both on the screen.
“Hollander, ready to lose puzzle competition?” Ilya asked instead of a greeting.
“Hello to you too, Rozanov. Hey Marlow.” Shane said as he sat at the small hotel table.
“Hey Hollander,” Marlow said, already sitting at the table looking as if this was the last thing he wanted to spend his evening doing.
“We don’t need to countdown or anything, so should we just get started?” Shane said, putting on his glasses. Ilya’s eyes narrowed at him.
“Can’t believe you’re that blind Hollander. How do you see puck on ice?” Ilya chirped.
Shane grinned. “Well enough that I have a room full of trophies Rozanov,” Shane chirped right back. He held up the box to show everyone the puzzle, this one a 500 piece puzzle of a coral reef filled with different coloured fish. He started turning over the pieces.
“Marlow, you turn over pieces. I want the edges.” Ilya instructed.
“What are the edges?” Marlow asked. Shane snorted before he realised and couldn’t help but chirp, “so much for being a puzzle master Rozanov. You didn’t even give Marlow the basic run down”.
“Edges have straight line. See. Simple. Hollander, focus on your own puzzle.” Ilya retorted.
They settled into a comfortable silence between them for a while, with Shane answering a couple of questions from viewers, and Ilya doing the same (including one about how it felt to receive his Canadian citizenship, which had been granted two months ago thanks to the hard effort of Yuna Hollander), waiting for someone to ask a question that would allow them to start a conversation together. Within half an hour, a question came through,
This question is for Hollander and Rozanov. You guys played great together at All Stars. Have you ever thought what it would be like if you were on the same team?
“Same team. What do you think Hollander?” Ilya asked.
“Playing together at All Stars was the most fun I had for a long time. You are a great player, and you push me to be a better player. I think if we were on the same team, we would be unstoppable.” Shane answered honestly.
“Can you imagine power plays?” Ilya asked. “We would win every Stanley Cup. Dominate league. World even,” Ilya added.
“You’d have to come to Ottawa though. Ilya wouldn’t give up the team he’s building for you.” Marlow added, and both Shane and Ilya struggled not to smile. Without realising, Marlow had just publicly outed the back up plan. The back up plan being that Shane would move to Ottawa if Montreal didn’t accept him after he came out. Ilya and Shane had come up with several plans of action with Yuna the previous summer. While Hayden and Jackie knew about Shane and Ilya, Shane wanted to tell JJ before coming out to the rest of the team and management. Ilya had been much more laid back about his plan. He had said that his team would accept him, and that his coach and management would be supportive. Ilya was ready to come out to them, he was just waiting on Shane to be comfortable with the idea.
“If Montreal gets rid of Hollander, then Ottawa will have you.” Ilya said jokingly, while meaning every word. He watched Shane swallow and tense. Maybe he said the wrong thing. He was going to make a joke to ease the tension when Shane looked right at the camera.
“If Montreal doesn’t extend my contract, I’ll hold you to that Rozanov.” Shane stated, his body tense, but his words coming across like he thought it was a joke.
“Why am I the only one doing this puzzle Roz?” Marlow interrupted, gesturing at the barely completed puzzle in front of them. “Hollander is half done, and there’s one of him” Marlow added.
Shane snorted and muttered “puzzle master my ass” quietly, but loud enough to be heard by the camera. Ilya poked his tongue at the camera and then resumed doing the puzzle. He was proud of Shane, and would text him the second this puzzle was done.
Soon they had finished the puzzle, made a show of signing the boxes and thanked everyone for tuning in. They had received hundreds of comments asking if they could do this again, and so had promised to organise the next puzzle night and would let everyone know when. Shane had also said that the puzzles completed so far would go up for auction next weekend and would post more details about that once he was back home. The three of them signed off and finished the live stream.
Ilya grabbed his phone and sent Shane a simple text, proud of you. Shane replied back with a simple red love heart emoji.
——————
“Hollander!” His coach was shouting at him as he approached the hotel lobby. He stopped walking towards the rest of his team having breakfast and turned to walk towards his coach.
“Yes Coach?” Shane asked.
“You agree to sign with Ottawa on a live stream last night? What the hell were you thinking?” His coach was now turning red as he yelled, and Shane was fairly sure everyone in the hotel lobby had just heard him.
“I didn’t agree to sign with Ottawa. I was chirping Rozanov back. I even said if Montreal didn’t extend my contract…. Wait, is Montreal not extending my contract?” Shane started to spiral. Had he destroyed his chance of staying with Montreal while live streaming last night.
“Focus on the game Hollander,” Coach said and turned and walked off. Shane was left standing in the middle of the lobby lost. He walked out the front of the hotel, scrolling through his phone to find his mothers number. He rang and Yuna answered on the first ring.
“Shane?” Yuna answered. Shane quickly ran her through what had just happened.
“Do you think that they are just looking for an excuse to not extend my contract?” Shane asked worried.
“Honestly Shane, they would be idiots to let you go. But that conversation didn’t sound good,” Yuna replied.
“I haven’t even told them. It would just be the final nail in the coffin if I did now.” Shane said, resigned.
“You are responsible for winning them multiple Stanley Cups. The Coach screaming at you in the middle of a hotel lobby over a chirp is just another example of how badly Montreal reacts to things that don’t fit into the perfect image that they’ve created of you. Scott Hunter has proven that there is space for gay players. How much longer will you, and Ilya by extension, hide to keep Montreal happy? He’s a Canadian citizen now, Russia can’t touch him.” Yuna said this gently and with a lot of love in her voice. Shane knew she was right. Ilya wanted to come out. He would do it right now if Shane messaged. He was waiting, he was hiding for Shane. Shane needed to be brave.
“The last game before All Stars.” Shane said determined.
“What about it?” Yuna asked, confused.
“They’ll have already publicly announced I’ll be going by then. I’ll come out to the team after the game finishes, and then post a public statement so they can’t pretend it didn’t happen. They’ll have the two week break in regular games to figure out what they’re doing, and Ilya and I will be able to play together and deal with the press together.” Shane explained, picturing it in his mind.
“Your father and I will be there. Shane, we’re both so proud of you.” Yuna said.
“Thanks Mum, I’ve got to talk to Ilya before he finishes breakfast. Love you” Shane said. he waited for her reply and then hung up. He found Lily in his contacts and pressed ring.
“Shane?” Ilya said. Ilya must be alone. Shane quickly told him about his run in with his coach and then the conversation with his mother.
“Before All Stars?” Ilya repeated, not disguising the hope in his voice. “The game before All Stars.” Shane confirmed.
“We will be a couple at All Stars?” Ilya clarified.
“You can kiss me on the ice when we win the game against the east coast” Shane confirmed. He heard Ilya’s sharp intake of breath. “I love you,” Ilya said. Shane hummed happily and was about to return the words when he heard people shouting for Ilya in the background.
“I love you too, go back to your team. Good luck in your game.” Shane said.
“We will both win. I’ll score hat trick tonight for you.” Ilya said and then hung up. Shane took a deep breath and then returned inside to get some breakfast.
———————
“Roz, can you believe this?” Marlow asked as they were getting ready for morning practice before another late night game a week later.
‘Believe what?” Ilya asked. Marlow tilted his phone down. On the screen was the auction page for the three puzzles. The first one Shane and David had done. Then two of the same coral reef puzzle. One with Shane’s signature, the other with his and Cliff’s. All three puzzles were over $2000 each, with the numbers steadily climbing. The puzzle with his signature on it was higher than Shane’s, by $50, but still higher.
“We are winning. Why would I not believe this?” Ilya asked with a grin on his face. Harris walked in at this point.
“Ilya, I’ve shared Shane’s link to the puzzle auction. That live stream was so perfect. I watched the whole thing. Well done.” Harris was happy, but Coach Wiebe who had just walked in behind him wasn’t so happy. He inclined his head, and Ilya understood it for what it was, a silent summons.
They walked out into the hall and far enough about from the change rooms that they had some privacy before Coach turned around. “Management wanted me to get some more information about what happened in the livestream.” Wiebe said. Ilya frowned.
“What happened?” Ilya asked, trying to think of anything he said wrong. “You offering Hollander a spot at Ottawa.” Coach explained with a raised eyebrow.
“Just joke,” Ilya tried.
“Ilya, I’d like to think that I know you well enough to know that was a sincere offer you made to Hollander,” Coach said.
Ilya sighed and thought about what he should say. He could go with the truth, it wasn’t long until All Stars and he knew Coach wouldn’t care. They would need Coach’s support if it went bad at Montreal for Shane. “Not here, need private room.” Ilya said, decision made. Coach frowned, but nodded. He turned and they walked to the medical bay. No one was in there. He locked the door and turned to face Ilya. “What’s going on?” Coach Wiebe asked.
“Must understand. Very little people know this. Has to stay secret for now.” Ilya said, looking determined.
“I’ll keep your secret, just tell me Ilya,” Coach promised.
“Shane and I are together. For years.” Ilya felt terrified as he spoke the words, but couldn’t help but realise the weight that lifted as he said them.
“You and Hollander?” Coach said, his eyebrows lifting the only giveaway he was shocked.
“Yes, we are in love.” Ilya confirmed. “We have decided to come out. No more hiding from teams. The last game before All Stars.” Ilya explained.
“I’m happy for you. The team will support you, so will management. But this doesn’t explain why you offered Hollander a spot in Ottawa.” Coach Wiebe’s eyebrows had gone back to their normal position and Ilya couldn’t help but smile. He knew that Coach would be supportive.
“I know Ottawa will still love me. Shane doesn’t think Montreal will still love him. Montreal has always been hard on him. Bad management, not supportive.” Ilya explained without giving away too many concrete details.
“Shane thinks they’ll put him up for trade during the All Stars break?” Coach asked. Ilya just nodded, not wanting to voice the confirmation that he knew would be the truth. Coach ran a hand through his hair.
“I’d love to have him, but I don’t think Ottawa could afford him Ilya.” Wiebe was thinking hard, trying to find a way for this to work in his head. Not just for Shane and Ilya, but for the team in general. Hollander and Rozanov on the same team. Ilya was right when he said they would dominate the league if they played together. Ottawa would win every Stanley Cup.
“Yuna already thought of this. Shane and I can reduce our salaries. I take reduction effective immediately and Shane signs contract for smaller amount. We have lots of sponsorships, and will get more after we come out. Then Ottawa can afford us.” Ilya explained, not caring how hopeful he sounded.
“That would work. We’d have you both and still be within our cap. Tell you what, let’s get to practice. I’ll speak to management and let them know that I have some insider information from Shane Hollander himself, that he might be put out for trade during the All Stars break, and that we can grab him. I’ll get them to revise your contract and write one out for him, so we can move immediately after the news breaks. If Montreal wants to lose their only hope at another Stanley Cup, then we will make sure Hollander becomes a Centaur.” Coach promised. Ilya hugged him, ignoring the tear that escaped from his eye and hit Wiebe’s shoulder.
“Let’s go train.”
—————————
“You tell JJ, I tell team?” Ilya confirmed. Shane nodded, his mind already racing through different scenarios of how tonight could go. Ilya, however, looked calm and centered. He took a deep breath. JJ was on route to his apartment, under the guise of being invited over to watch the Admirals game.
“I love you,” Shane said.
“Ya tebya lyublyu” Ilya replied, “I will have phone on me if you need me.” Shane heard a doorbell ring in the background of Ilya’s call just before Ilya ended the call.
Shane got up from the couch when he heard a knock at his own door. His hands shook as he let JJ in.
“Captaine, what is wrong?” JJ asked. Shane’s voice was shaking as he said, “I need to tell you something.”
JJ frowned a little, “you can tell me anything.” Shane shut the front door and walked over to the couch, like a man condemned. He sat down and JJ sat on the seat next to him. He didn’t press Shane for details and sat quietly as Shane took some deep breaths.
“I’ve been lying to you about something for years. I’m sorry.” Shane said, tears already welling in his eyes.
“Tell me, it’s okay,” JJ said, voice quiet and steady.
“I’m gay,” Shane said. The words hung in the air, feeling heavier the longer JJ was silent.
“How long have you known?” JJ asked, voice still quiet.
“Rose helped me figure it out,” Shane said truthfully. It might not be the whole truth, but it was a safe truth he could share.
“You’ve been keeping it a secret for all that time…” The sentence tapered off, not finished, but JJ was unable to find the right words.
“I came out to my parents two summers ago.” Shane offered another piece of truth, realising how much lighter he was feeling with each bit of information shared, even without knowing how JJ would really react after he had finished processing.
“Just your parents and Rose? Does anyone else know?” JJ asked.
“Hayden and Jackie know. I told them a few months ago.” Shane admitted.
“Thank you.” JJ said. “For what?” Shane asked confused. In all the scenarios he had run through his mind, this hadn’t been one of them.
“For trusting me, for telling me.” JJ explained, offering Shane a smile. He then leaned over and engulfed Shane in a tight hug.
“You’re still Shane. Nothing’s changed.” JJ said. A small sob escaped before Shane could realise, and then tears followed. JJ continued to hold Shane as he cried. Eventually the tears slowed, but the hug continued.
“So, I’m gathering Boston Lily isn’t actually a girl?” JJ teased as he released Shane. Shane chuckled. “No, not a girl.” Shane confirmed.
The rest of the night continued, with Shane explaining how he was coming out the game before All Stars. They watched the Admirals win, and enjoyed the evening.
Shane didn’t mention Ilya. He wouldn’t. And Ilya wouldn’t mention Shane tonight to his teammates. That revelation would come after they won at All Stars.
—————
Ilya scanned the room to confirm the whole team was in his house. He watched as his teammates were eating, drinking, chatting and having a good time. He stood on a chair, effectively stopping all conversation as they turned to Ilya.
“I have announcement.” Ilya declared. He was pleased at how closely they were all listening. This was a good team.
“Announcement must be kept secret. If you can’t keep secret, leave now.” He paused, but no one moved a muscle.
“I am bisexual. I am in relationship with a man.” Ilya revealed. The room stayed quiet for a second until Marlow called out, “jeez Roz, you could have waited ‘til we finished a few beers before the deep and meaningful.” That got a few laughs from around the room. “But seriously, thanks for telling us. It doesn’t change anything for me.” Marlow added, walking over and pulling Ilya off the chair to hug him.
“Thanks Marly,” Ilya mumbled while they hugged.
“We support you man, no judgment here.” Wyatt said. And with that, statements of agreement and support flowed in from all his team mates.
“Hey, what about Montreal Jane?” Marlow asked. “Jane is his code name.” Ilya answered truthfully.
“So do I get to finally meet him now?” Marlow asked. “Soon,” Ilya answered with a smile on his face. “Soon.”
—————
Shane was in the locker room, with JJ on one side and Hayden on the other. This was it. They had won the game, and he’d asked the coach to bring management down to the locker room. Coach had frowned, but had done what Shane had asked.
“Quieten down, the Captaine wants a word” JJ shouted. The locker room fell silent. Shane took a deep breath. He could do this.
“I need to tell you all something. I’m gay. It doesn’t change anything. I’m still me. I’m just done hiding that part of myself.” Shane said, his voice carrying to every inch of the silent locker room.
“I support you Captaine,” JJ announced loudly, putting his hand on Shane’s shoulder and glaring around the room.
“Always got your back buddy,” Hayden added, putting his hand on Shane’s other shoulder.
The rest of the locker room was still silent. Shane wasn’t sure how much longer he could take of the quiet and the stares. Comeau and Drapeau turned, grabbed their bags, and walked out, even though neither had changed, nor said anything. And with that, other players followed suit, none meeting Shane’s eyes. Eventually he was left standing in an almost empty locker room, minus JJ, Hayden, Coach Theriault and the management team.
Coach Theriault looked straight at Shane, “personal lives should stay just that, personal.” He shook his head, and walked out of the room. Shane took a shaky breath and looked at the management team.
“You’ve got the two week All Star break to figure out what you want to do, you can contact my mum to discuss your options.” Shane said bravely. He felt JJ’s and Hayden’s grip tighten in support. The management team then left as silently as they had arrived, but Shane heard the whispers start as soon as they left the locker room.
Now alone, Shane started to shake from the sheer effort his body was using to stay upright and not fall apart. JJ and Hayden guided him to the bench and then sat either side of him.
“After everything…” was all Shane managed to choke out before the sobs took over.
——————
Shane smiled at Ilya across the locker room. They were at All Stars and about to walk out to play the exhibition match. Shane had posted a short video online coming out as gay. He had received hundreds of comments of support, including Rose, Hayden and JJ. The Ottawa Centaurs even reposted his video with a series of different coloured love hearts instead of text. Montreal had contacted Yuna and they were nutting out the deal to trade Shane. Shane had let Yuna deal with the details, and instead done another puzzle live stream with Ilya and Cliff Marlow, who he had really started to like. The casual humour put Shane at ease, and he was looking forward to becoming friends with the man in person. The auctioned puzzles had now raised over $10 000 in total for the Irina Foundation, and Shane wondered if they would continue the livestreams after tonight.
Shane had been chosen as captain for the All Stars team, with Ilya willing donning the A patch. They would win the match, and then kiss on the ice, revealing their relationship to the world.
Ilya’s phone rang. It was Coach Wiebe. Ilya quickly answered.
“Coach. Game is about to start.” Ilya reminded him.
“Just wanted to let you know the good news. Shane is officially a Centaur. We traded Lenny and our draft picks for the next two years to get his contract.” Coach said sounding like Christmas had came early.
Ilya opened his mouth, then closed it again, unsure of what words would do justice to express his gratitude.
“Go out and win this. The team and I are all watching from Wyatt’s house. Good luck” Coach said as he hung up.
Shane came over to Ilya, “ready to win?” Shane asked casually, though his eyes betrayed his concern.
“That was Coach Wiebe.” Ilya explained. Shane smiled, but it was the pure joy in his eyes that gave him away.
“Mum messaged with the news. Like two years worth of draft picks and your old centre is going to save them from us.” Shane said happily, but quietly enough that the other players couldn’t hear.
“Let’s go out and win this,” Ilya screamed to the locker room, receiving a thundering acknowledgement in return.
——————
The final siren sounded. They had won, 5-3. Ilya spun to find Shane already skating towards him on the ice. He removed his helmet in sync with Shane and skated towards him. The cheering and celebrating faded to background noise as they met on centre ice. He held Shane gently as they kissed. A kiss that meant more than any previous, and would change so much, and yet so little. He loved Shane, and Shane loved him. The final scattered pieces of the puzzle had fallen in place, and he felt complete for the first time.