Chapter Text
The problem with being old is that one has the habit to stay in their ways. To not use the new inventions, to not learn the newest diction, to not entertain themselves with the newest fiction. Not by dislike of the new but simply in the way one cannot easily erase a well defined forest path. To make a new one, one must not only be bold enough but one must also forget their nice little path. With its well keep flat rocks that proctect them of the slippery mud, with one’s favorite flowers, one favorite bench.
One must be young enough, young enough to feel lost enough to follow the strangers that walk beside them. Young enough to stop on their track and see the inviting clearing behind the brambles and heavy foliage. Bold enough to jump in the rivers and play in the water, in the mud.
Not that either are wrong, why must someone stop themselves from walking on a well loved path ? Why must the youth start?
No, the problem in itself comes from somewhere else.
The problem with being an old magical being is that one tends to forget what it’s like to be human. In the same way those who are born blind people cannot imagine sight and those who aren’t cannot imagine a world without even pitch blackness. Merlin forget what it’s like to grow, to be but a child in this world. He forget how it feel to grieve for the first time, how raw first love leave you, how scary it’s to met new people, how welcoming people are despite your fear.
He forgets because he hadn’t been, he had never been truly, weak. He had never turned to his mother without the deep knowledge he could not carry the things she carried. He could, just differently. He does not know, maybe in other times he did, maybe he just does not remember.
He forgets because death does not touch him the same way, he can still feel them, feel their spirits live on and on in magic. Their breath forever carried over into the Earth.
He forgets because love is but a lovely ache in his body, it did not leave and it never will. It’s there and it keeps him there.
He forgets because people are never news. He feels them, he feels them as their heart flutter for the first time, how their breaths take in the air, take in magic. He knows them, he can feel their gentle soul, their ugly one.
Of all the things Merlin forgets as he waits there is one thing he never forget. He does not forget Arthur.
Arthur, with his… all his… everything. How human every single things of his is, was and…
How human he will be.
How human Merlin can not wait, dread, to seem him be.
And how lonely he will be, how lonely one can be if they are not understood. If their most simple feelings, their most simple act of being is not seen ?
When Merlin came to that realisation, he turned his gaze toward his drying lake.
There was a simple truth, Merlin could never bear to leave Arthur alone, not now, not then, not ever.
He could not do it in front of this lake now, he could not do it then in front of that closed door and he could not do it either in that prophesied future.
Yet, Merlin knew how to walk away from him if it meant he would not be hurt. He could do it, he did it and he will do it again.
And so, Merlin, at five and so hundreds of years came to a decision. Once every hundred years, he would turn his gaze way from his path. He would spell his lake, to be sure he would not miss his Arthur. He would walk away, hide away his own memories into a corner of his mind. He would push his magic deeper than anyone ever dreamed they could.
He would craft himself lies.
For one year, he will live like a human.
He became a 82 years old. A man who lost his wife, wretched from him too soon. A man who decided to travel, far from home.
He became a 9 years old boy. Small and lost, with no one to call his kin.
He became a 47 years old man. A happy man with adventurous parents, a gentle man who decided to take care of their shop as they travelled.
He became a 56 years old.
61 years old,
72 years old,
35 years old,
15 years old,
97 years old,
And tomorrow, he will be a 26 years old.
He will go to a university. He will be a bright young man, someone who want to find a new path after being disappointed by his last the career he choice.
He will be a young man with a loving dad who like to sculpt wood, with his callused hand who lead him so gently as a child. A loving mom who like to sit with him in the evening as they watch movies, with cold hands that warm his heart. Two loving parents who decided to celebrate their 25 years of marriage with a world tour. Who are so proud of their only son and trust him to take care of their house.
After a thousand years,he is well versed on how to do it; He made himself infertile, he got his memory spell perfected, he prepared a way out for in exactly a year. The perfect emergency that can not wait a single second more. He set a safety net in case of extreme necessity, his magic is restrain in such way it can be seamlessly freed in case of need. He also made sure that one of his immortal friend knows. If Arthur were to come back, Merlin would not leave him waiting for long.
With so many precaution, nothing should have gone wrong.
And yet.
How was he supposed to know the prat would choose this moment to come back and have the audacity to not even come out of the goddamn lake ?