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Emptiness.
An all-encompassing emptiness in which your heart had been beating since childhood.
You didn't feel emotions. You didn't understand them, no matter how hard you tried.
However, you were able to copy them perfectly.
Perhaps you could have become a great actress in your time. Your parents, who cared so much for you, didn't even seem to notice your elusive anomaly.
The idea of learning to copy emotions came to you on its own. Some instinct told you that emotions were part of normal, social life. And to understand it, you just had to try to follow this example.
At first, you didn't understand why you needed to do this at all. If you don't have emotions, why should you copy them?
Observing people probably became the most interesting activity for you. Copying emotions became a daily entertainment, a mandatory and integral part of your empty but eternal, detached existence.
Oh, how interesting it is to watch people! Especially from the sidelines.
Sometimes you forgot that you yourself belonged to the society that had raised you so well, trained you so well.
Although you did not consider yourself to be a full member of society. You were partially separated from it, no matter how you looked at it. Emotions, or rather, their complete absence, separated you from the world for life.
You were always there, but very far away.
Within arm's reach, but beyond the limits of Earth's orbit.
Your intellect often allowed you to notice things that no one else saw.
Be that as it may, what you loved most was traveling. It was your “passion” — to contemplate the nature around you and connect with at least something, namely nature.
Alone with nature, you felt present. You were not just a spectator, you were on stage. And even though you did nothing and did not interfere with the environment in any way, you still felt that you were present here.
Once, such travels took you to the snow-capped mountains that towered above the forests covering the land of Japan.
On the way, you often stopped at temples, where you spent the night and had breakfast. This time, you had to spend time in a very beautiful, lush, majestic place. However, it was longer than you thought.
You knocked on the dark, huge door. It opened, and a woman in her 40s appeared, peering out from behind the entrance with curiosity.
You decided to break the silence so as not to scare the stranger, and quickly explained why you had come:
"Good evening. Can a traveler stay here for the night?".
The stranger's expression softened, and she replied with a smile:
“Of course! Please come in!”
You entered the sanctuary.
You found this place to be extremely beautiful! The splendor of all-encompassing luxury towered above you with gilding and dark or red wood decorations. The corridor through which the woman, presumably a resident of the temple, led you was quite well lit. Compared to other places of worship, this place shone with prosperity.
Along the way, you noticed many lotus-themed items. This flower adorned almost everything: candlesticks, engravings, bottles of incense. This small, insignificant detail caught your attention, the only thing that remained indifferent to anything.
Since childhood, from your parents' upbringing, you knew that the lotus was a sacred flower. A flower of purity, perfection, and innocence. A symbol of Buddha, as an integral part of his essence...
But let's move on to the events.
The woman led you to another huge door. Knocking on it, she entered with trepidation into a large hall where a handsome, tall man was sitting.
His strikingly exotic appearance for Japan seemed to create a halo around his head, which was framed by platinum hair. And his eyes! What beautiful, interesting, indifferent eyes! They seemed to smile only because their owner commanded them to.
A perfect smile adorned this handsome face, which was created for everyone and no one at the same time.
You followed the woman inside.
The young man quickly noticed you. Focusing his gaze on you, he began to listen attentively to the woman's explanation.
“Lord Douma, this girl wants to stay at the temple for the night.”
You stepped forward, bowed, and continued the story:
"I am traveling around the country. If you don't mind, I will stay here for the night and have breakfast, and then continue on my way in the morning".
The young man clapped his hands joyfully and replied:
"Of course! We have plenty of rooms. Let Mizuki show you to one of them. Make yourself at home!".
You bowed and were about to leave, but you were stopped:
"By the way, secret guest, what is your name?".The head of the temple, as you understood, studied the expression on your face.
You turned around and answered. To tell the truth, no one had asked your name before.
You bowed to Lord Douma and headed for the bedroom.
Relieved to be in your room, you stretched out on the incredibly soft bed. Everything was going according to plan.
You slept wonderfully. You fell into a deep, long sleep. The next morning, you woke up later than usual, tidied yourself up, left the room, and instinctively headed down the hallway.
On the way, you met the same woman who had shown you to the dining room.
The food was incredibly delicious! You ate quickly and were about to leave when a man entered the dining room and announced the news in a loud voice:
"A very unpleasant event occurred at dawn today: several dead bodies, presumably murdered, were found near the temple. For safety reasons, we have closed the entrance to the temple and will not let anyone out until the situation is resolved.
This news surprised you. I wonder what happened to them? Although you did not feel sympathy, your curiosity drew you into the general flow of emotions.
"Poor souls! Who could have done this?".
"God, this is terrible!".
"I'm scared...".
Well, obviously, you'll be staying here longer...
"Lord Douma wants to see you!".
You have been summoned to the head of the temple.
You have already met him over the past few days. As it turned out, he was a very interesting person. He is so similar to you...
The first time the man summoned you to a meeting, you immediately noticed that his eyes were empty. For him, it was all just a matter of satisfying his own curiosity.
However, this whole situation is also a whim of her curiosity.
She was curious to see how he would react. He was curious to see how she would react. A play with no actors.
Douma's curiosity, however, was much greater than yours.
It was the first time he had met such a calm person. If anyone had asked him what your character was like, he would have found it difficult to answer—he felt that you were a closed box, hiding something at the bottom. You were the only one who never talked about your problems, experiences, or past...
Today, you asked him an interesting question.
Entering Lord Douma's luxurious chambers, which were unobtrusively scented with lotus ointments, you saw their owner sitting in a soft, comfortable armchair, his head resting on his hand. Seeing her, the head emerged from his lethargic state of euthymia, raised his head, and smiled:
"Oh, you're finally here! I'm so bored here alone".He gestured for her to sit opposite him.
Having settled into a comfortable position, you decided to ask something that could confirm your hypothesis and at the same time not arouse any suspicion.
"Lord Douma, what do you think about existentialism?".
A sparkle appeared in his indifferent eyes, which could easily be mistaken for affection. In reality, it was just admiration... or maybe not?
“What an interesting question! I've never been asked anything like that before...”.
Making a demonstrative gesture of thought, Douma snapped his fingers and replied:
"In my opinion, it's wonderful that everyone has a choice, and in part, that's how it really works. But are we always given a choice? What about situations that arise due to a lack of choice? Isn't that fate? And if fate exists, is there a choice?".
"In any case, every person has a goal for which we make choices",you replied.
Doma nodded silently and looked intently at your expression.
This led to the following question:
"Lord Douma, what is your goal? I don't mean saving people. I mean your personal life. What do you live for?".
This question stumped Douma. No one had ever asked him about his hobbies. No one was really interested in his true nature. To look into his long-dead heart...
Douma's face flushed slightly. The dull ache in his heart, which had long since stopped beating, seemed to come to live and start pounding.
What were these new feelings?
Why was he feeling them?
Could it be...
For a long time, you had been meeting with Douma, who persistently called you to his chambers to talk.
Recently, you began to notice some changes.
His eyes were no longer indifferent. It seemed that the faded colors of the rainbow had finally gained color, and the fake smile no longer looked doll-like.
You noticed many other things as well.
The first of these was physical contact. Lord Douma seemed to want to cling to you: when he met you, he hugged you, lightly touched your hand...
The second thing was liveliness and closeness. Douma tried to stand as close to you as possible, leaned towards your face, looked for you among the other inhabitants of the temple.
And the third thing...
It was his talkativeness.
Incredible talkativeness. He shared all kinds of rumors and ideas with you, talked to you about philosophical topics... although, at times, they revealed a certain hedonism, which only increased your interest in the object of your study.
To be honest, he was the only person you observed with interest. You figured out the other people pretty quickly. Their existence consisted solely of obedience to their savior; their love, respect, and even their meaning in life were devoted and dedicated to him.
The more you talked to him, however, the more boring it became for you. Over time, you were able to understand him more and more easily. Although the only thing that remained a secret from you until the very last moment was...
“Lord Douma wishes to see you!”
A moonlit night in the garden. The pale blue moon, which at that moment looked like a crystal of ice.
Going out into the garden, you saw this unearthly picture. Walking down the alley, you saw the head of the temple standing a little restlessly, which made him pace back and forth.
Turning around, his gaze fell on you. His eyes, illuminated by the moonlight, could even resemble the sun at that moment.
He quickly approached you, took you by the arm, and led you deeper into the garden.
"Oh, my dear, look at this moon. It is truly beautiful tonight, isn't it?".
You smiled gently and agreed with him. After all, the landscape that unfolded before your eyes was truly incredible.
For some reason, Douma seemed gloomy for a moment, but a minute later, his lively expression returned.
Suddenly, he stopped. He stood facing you and looked at you with that strange thrill that you often noticed in people in love.
"There is something I want to share with you".
You looked at him intently. Douma continued:
"Darling, I never knew what real feelings were, whether joy, sadness, or love. Ever since I was a child, my heart was surrounded by emptiness. I felt nothing. I didn't care about anyone because I didn't understand or feel anything towards them. They just seemed boring or interesting to me, and the latter soon became uninteresting. The only thing they asked of me was salvation. They considered me a messenger from heaven, if not God himself.
But who do the gods turn to when they themselves need help?
And then you came into my life. You were the only one who didn't ask me for anything except shelter and food, which I give to everyone. You just talked to me, asked questions, and one of them caught my attention.
No one could have shown me the way with a question alone! But you did.
Since then, I have realized that there are people in the world who live for more than just material needs.
I started watching you earlier. At first, your tactfulness seemed interesting to me, and your kindness didn't seem like anything special. But seeing how harmoniously your qualities are combined, I couldn't help but fall in love.
I love you. When I see you, I feel what I have been longing for all these years—real emotions and feelings. Namely, love.
Darling, to me, you are the most beautiful creature in the world! I want to talk, walk, and be with you all the time! Tell me, do you love me?".
What an interesting scene!
You were curious about what it would be like to be confessed to. Probably, for most people, it would be either the most wonderful moment in their lives, if they reciprocated, or a tragedy.
Douma looked at you with impatient anticipation. What would have happened if you had responded positively?
Perhaps you and Douma would have started dating, and maybe even gotten married. It would have been one of those happy stories that are celebrated as ballads of true love.
"I apologize, Lord Douma, but I don't feel anything for you. And not just for you".
If a heart could break and fall, it would happen to Douma's heart. He took your hands in his, surprised, almost panicked, and quickly said:
"My dear, could it be...".
"I feel nothing, just like you. Since childhood, I have understood and noticed more than others, but this is only because of my strange difference, for which I am often grateful. Therefore, I cannot reciprocate your feelings. What a pity! It's a pity that we can no longer observe this world together, because being a spectator is much more interesting than participating in human vicissitudes. Farewell!".
You left the garden quite quickly. The moon, which a minute ago had illuminated the entire alley, hid behind dark clouds.
Doma's eyes lost their sparkle as quickly as they had gained it. He stood alone in the middle of the garden until he disappeared into the darkness.
The next day, you were gone. Early in the morning, you packed your things and hurriedly left this place.
After all, it would be stupid to reciprocate the feelings of a demon who killed several people to satisfy his curiosity, right?