Chapter Text
I walk through the schools hallways, the light through the windows tinting the floors and walls a pleasant yellow. I rushed here right after changing out of my costume. Before the festival is over i need to keep my promise and confess to Hanako-kun! Only problem is, I have no idea where he is. I didn't see him anywhere in the crowd when I was on stage either. Well, the most obvious place would be the bathroom so I take the corner to the old building.
"Hanako-kun?"
Theres no awnser so I walk further into the bathroom, stopping in front of the last stall. I take a breath and knock the familiar three knocks.
"Hanako-san Hanako-san, are you there?"
Theres still no response and I sigh. Maybe he's with Tsuchigomori-sensei. Wait a minute, I'm getting deja vu.. I shake my head and look out the window. Maybe I should check up on the seeds Aoi and I planted yesterday.
I walk outside, taking in the bright sunlight and cold breeze. Today was pretty warm but now that it's closer to noon its cooling off nicely. I smile and make my way to the piece of land the school has for the gardenclub. The seeds seem to be doing well and I grab the watering can to give them just a tiny bit more water. I wipe my forehead. I haven't even been out here for too long and Im already sweating slightly. I turn around, ready to go back inside to look for Hanako-kun again when some movement catches my attention. It's a small group of mokke arguing over a piece of candy. I sigh and reach into my pocket to fish out some of the sweets I carry around after having changed their rumor. I walk over and hold out my hand. The mokke pause before snatching the candy from my palm and running off. Jeez, rude... I stand up again when I notice a familiar person underneath the tall tree next to the garden.
"Hanako-kun..?"
He doesn't respond. I walk over and stop myself from calling out again. Hes sleeping. I wasn't even aware ghosts needed to do that. Maybe it's just like eating, not something they have to do but something they can do if they want to. Hes laying against the trunk of the tree, his eyes closed and his face relaxed. He looks peaceful. Like all the worries and bothers he refuses to tell me about wash off when dreaming. I stare at him. His shorter build, his hat sagging slightly off of his head, his hair dancing in the breeze. As quietly as I can I sit next to him, watching him. It doesn't take long before he moves again. His eyes flutter open and he props himself up to a more comfortable position before rubbing his eyes. He turns to me, grinning.
"Hey there Yashiro! Come to watch me sleep?"
I glare at him which only earns me a soft laugh. He stands up, stretching dramatically.
"You did well on your performance, tornado!"
"You did come watch!"
He stares at me, expression shifting to confusion.
"Did you think I wouldnt? Sigh, Yashiro thinks so low of me despite all I've done for her.."
He feigns sadness. I stand up too, ready to give him a good kick like I always do whenever he makes comments like this but I stop myself.
"Hey, hanako-kun...?"
"Yeah?"
I hesitate, suddenly hyper aware of what I'm about to say. A sense of nervousness pools in my stomach.
"I have something I want to tell you..."
I don't want to look at him. If I look at him I'll lose the confidence to say it. Instead I keep staring at my feet.
"Yashirooo, spit it out already!"
Yeah I'm trying you stupid-! Ugh... I try again but my vocal cords still refuse to work.
"W-well.. I-i... Uhm..."
This is stupid, I was able to confess to my crush before. Why is it different now.
"Well if it's nothing I'll get going! See you later Yashi-"
I grab his sleeve, stopping him. He can't leave. If he leaves I won't be able to do it at all anymore. He stares at me, confusion still etched on his face. I quickly let go of his sleeve, my face tinting a light red. I take a deep breath.
"Hanako-kun... I like you!"
I... I said it! I look up, just to take a glance at him.
"What?"
He still has that confused look on his face.
"I like you..."
I can feel my face turning completely red now. This is embarrassing. I look at Hanako-kuns face. It's red too. Hes staring at me stunned, his cheeks flushed the same way mine are.
"B-but I thought you said I wasn't your type!?"
That gets me a bit annoyed. I confess and that's the first thing he says!?
"Well I changed my mind!"
We both stay silent for a bit. Hes still blushing but I can't read his expression anymore.
"Oh"
"Do you-"
He cuts me off, turning away from me.
"I thought I told you not to get too closely attached to supernaturals... I told the kid this too, you can't love someone who's already dead... You can't fall in love with someone like me. I'm a murderer and I'm dead. You can't go on dates with me or introduce me to your parents. You can't talk about me to your friends or marry me either. You... You deserve to be with someone who can give you all of that... Not someone like me."
I stare at him, stunned.
"What are you talking about hanako-kun... Do you... Do you not like me back...?"
I can see him flinching, like my words just pushed a needle further into his skin. His back is still turned and I can't see his face anymore.
"I'm sorry Yashiro, I won't do this..."
I can feel my eyes filling up with tears, but underneath that I'm angry. I'm mad at him. At him and at myself. I'm mad at how little I know about him. How little I tried to know more. He said he'd tell me everything someday but when is that. What if after this he won't tell me. What if we wont be friends anymore. The thought makes me even angrier.
"You always do this! You always tell me I can't get close to you just because you're dead! That doesn't matter to me! You told me that I paint childish and selfish pictures of a future in which things will work out right!? Then help me make it work!"
More tears stream down my face the more I yell. I feel guilty for yelling. I try to wipe the tears away but more quickly replace them. I give up and let my hands form fists against my side, my nails digging into my palms. I stare at the ground.
"Why... I.. I thought you liked me too... Why did you kiss me if you didn't like me!"
He stays silent. Not responding to my outburst at all. I can feel more rage boiling over and I grab his arm. He pulls away like I've burned him but I can see his face. His eyes are also filled with tears. It's the first time I've ever seen him cry. His breath hitches slightly before he talks again.
"I can't do this to you... I care... So much, too much about you to-..."
Another breath.
"I grew too attached. This is my fault. Just... Just try to forget about these feelings okay?"
He smiles at me. I stare at his face, still tear streaked.
"Hanako-kun...? Youre crying..."
He stills, freezing up before quickly wiping his face clean.
"I have to go..."
He quickly walks past me into the building, leaving me standing outside. I can feel my knees give out and I let myself sink into the soft grass. I keep trying to make sense of it. All those moments before where it felt like we were getting closer... Was it just me making up stuff again? Maybe he didn't like me at all... Maybe he just took pity on me. But that look on his face. The tears. It didn't feel like pity. I stare at the sky. The sun is turning red. The festival should be long over by now. I stand up. I should go home...