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    Summary

    He remembers their last hook up, a month or so before this. He thinks that’s where his brain had started to go on the fritz. When he’d just finished blowing Ilya in the shower and Ilya had hit him with ‘You need to get laid, Hollander. Waiting for a quick fuck every couple of months is not healthy.’ Shane had acted all indignant and puffy, but only because Ilya had hit a bit too close to home with that, and he’d been so cavalier about it too. Because yeah, maybe Shane had never made a conscious decision to do it, but he felt like he only existed in short hour long snippets when he could slip away and be with Ilya. And that fucking terrified him.

    Then because Ilya was Ilya, he had to one, two punch him by saying, ‘I have ruined you. No one else would do.’ And Shane had to lock that deep in the caverns of his mind because of how true those words rang. He didn’t want it to be true, but it was.

    “I think, maybe, this whole thing is starting to mean something different to me.”

    — Or Episode 4 remix/Chapter 13 rewrite. Shane doesn’t leave after the tuna melts in Boston.

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