Chapter Text
“Remus, I didn’t think-”
“Of course you didn’t think! You never fucking think before doing things do you?”
Sirius was reeling backwards, the tears streaming down his cheeks ignored, and the hand reaching for Remus curling like a flower in winter. He was a mess, eyeliner running, face red, hair and clothes rumpled — a stark contrast to how he usually carried himself .
The argument had been going on for hours, everyone in the common room likely able to hear the shouting and threats. James had a hand pressed to his mouth, furiously swiping away tears. Peter’s fists were tight, anger, betrayal, and disappointment plain on his face. None of that had been the worst part.
Remus' back had been facing Sirius, but he suddenly whirled around, amber eyes flashing. He was angry, yes, but what Sirius saw the most was the hurt in his gaze. The tear tracks that hadn't quite been wiped away. The bitter sting of an unforgivable insult.
It didn’t matter though, in the end. How many times Sirius apologized or sobbed or begged. How many times James tried to mediate. It didn’t fucking matter.
“You’re dead to me, Sirius Black. I hope you’re proud of yourself.”
Sirius had run out of the room before anything else could happen. He didn’t really care where he was going, weaving through students and running down hallways, ignoring the stares. You’re dead to me, replayed in an endless loop in his mind. He found a quiet alcove, rushed inside, fell against the wall, and sobbed. Giant, chest splitting sobs, and if not for the silencing spell and disillusionment charm he cast he’d been found within minutes.
He was left alone, though, in a misery that he’d created all on his own. It was amazing, how quickly Sirius seemed to be able to fuck everything up. He should set a timer. See if he lasts more than a fucking hour before everything goes to shit.
Nobody came to look for him.
Which was fine. Fine. It was all just fucking fine. He didn't expect it, and he’d taken precautions to make sure he wouldn't be found. A subconscious part of him must have wished for it though. It's fine.
After an undisclosed amount of time, he picked himself up and dusted his robes, then made the journey back to the Gryffindor Tower. It was fine. He’d give Remus space, and then eventually they could talk it out, and work through it. Remus didn’t mean it.
Except when Sirius got back, Remus was nowhere to be found. None of his stuff was in the dorm either; his corner of the room stripped bare.
He’d blazed past the common room in his quest to get to the dorm, but as he reentered the room he noticed Peter, talking to Mary. They both immediately quieted as he drew near, the immediate silence deafening. Mary looked straight at him, but Peter kept his eyes fixed on Mary.
“Have either of you seen Remus?”
They were both silent, some mental exchange going on as Mary moved her eyes away to look at Peter. Then, Peter spoke, still not looking at Sirius. “He's gone to the Slytherin dorms. He’s going to stay there for a while.”
Sirius frowned, fighting back tears again. Remus couldn't even stand to be in the same room as him. But Peter wasn't done:
“And don't even think of going to find him. It's bad enough I told you where he is already. He doesn't want to talk to you, Sirius.”
And that. That was the worst part, wasn't it? Remus didn’t want to talk to Sirius. Because he’d gone and fucked everything up. So Sirius had kept himself together, nodded, and left. Once back in the dorms, he collapsed on his bed, missing the warmth of Remus beside him, tears spilling over his eyes again.
Sleep didn’t come for a long, long time.