Actions

Work Header

r/ValentinesWeek

Summary:

For Valentine's Week this year, Dazai has decided to finally do something about his longtime crush on his arch enemy/rival. Naturally, he has somehow decided that reddit is the best place to ask for relationship advice.

Alternatively, author misses valentine's week series and realised a serious lack of reddit fics in the fandom and this happened.

Note: This is a chaptered work!

Notes:

Follow my soft soukoku playlist on Spotify!
yeah so,, the bsd fandom lacks reddit fics and i find them endlessly hilarious.

Also, sofia series in 2026? wtf (manifest i actually finish this)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: i must get roses for my arch enemy

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

r/ValentinesWeek
Posted by u/bestdoctor

What the fuck is Valentine's Week?

Hello, I (25F) work with the weirdest group of people. Not a single one of them is normal, and trust me I am not exaggerating when I say that. This is important, please keep this in mind. I just got into work like an hour ago and there's this heated discussion happening between two of my co-workers (they are work partners and one of them is always yelling at the other, which is btw totally fair because he's an obnoxious guy), let's call them K and D respectively. 

Now, D insists that Valentine's Week starts today, but K insists that Valentine's is just limited to a day.

Our other younger co-workers obviously have zero clue as to what is going on, but one of our co-workers, who D and I are pretty close to insists that Valentine's Week is totally a thing and he should know because his "love for candy" grants him powers to ascertain which candy-related events exist for real (???). I have no clue what that means, but basically I'm here to ask you guys only one thing. 

Does Valentine's Week exist and if so WHAT THE FUCK IS IT?

-

user43269:
LMAOOO this is so funny, but sorry to inform you OP, valentine's week is totally real

bestdetective:
valentine's week exists babe

anneofgreengables:
oh honey... sorry to break it to you, but valentine's week totally exists

     gonewiththewind: 
     Excuse me? Last I checked it was just a day.

mafiablondie:
Hi OP! So sorry you have to hear heated conversations first thing the morning :( I totally get it though, my co-workers are so annoying. Anyways let me help out! Here's a list of all the days in Valentine's Week <3
February 7: Rose Day
February 8: Propose Day
February 9: Chocolate Day
February 10: Teddy Bear Day
February 11: Promise Day
February 12: Hug Day
February 13: Kiss Day
February 14: Valentine's Day
Hope this helped and that you don't have to deal with annoying co-workers for the rest of the week.

     bestdoctor:
     
wait are you? nvm, thank you! this was extremely enlightening, i will now shoot myself

          bandagesonly_:
          
yo you can't do that, that's lowkey my thing

          bestdetective:
          
also you can't revive yourself so like calm down

          mafiablondie:
          wait you guys are-!! 

--

r/ValentinesWeek
Posted by u/bandagesonly_

Help me pick out roses!

HELLO EVERYONE! I (22M) am literally perfect. Dashing looks? Check. Extremely fluffy hair? Check. Double suicide fanatic? Double check! Raging bisexual? Check. An absolute hit with every beautiful woman in town? Check ;) But unfortunately, I have one fault. I have terrible tastes in men! :(

So there is this guy (22M), we have known each other since we were 15 and initially we hated each other, it was like a super known thing. We also worked together and were partners so that wasn't easy because he is just such a chibi slug who barks all day, ifykwim. Anyways so everyone thinks we hate each other, but that is not true. I mean yea i guess he hates me, but I actually have liked him since the day we met. Scratch that, I'm in love with him. So I want to do something for him over Valentine's Week. Like, a way of celebrating it with him but also asking him out? Our professions are very unpredictable so I kinda don't wanna miss out on having something with this guy and regretting it later. UGH LISTEN TO ME I SOUND LIKE A LOVESICK IDIOT

Anyways so as you guys know, today is Rose Day and I was thinking of getting him something symbolic and meaningful. Can you guys help me find a store (in Yokohama) and give me some advice on what roses to get?

-

user45289:
 
aww that is so sweet!! i think maybe go for classic red roses? not sure about stores though, not from YOK

tinytater:
i love people in love its so sweet,, i agree with the red roses, they are the most romantic for a reason

xxalwayssofia:
holy shit wow i guess that one quote is true. if a rivalry lasts longer than 7 years, you aren't rivals,, you are gay! also i personally like pink and white roses they are literally so adorable

lemonsforlife:
have you considered getting him lemons instead?

guildfrancis:
How romantic! I love romance. You know what screams romance? Money. I suggest you roll up some bills and make it into a flower bouquet. It's cute and practical.

     alcott:
     
Please don't do that for your wife, sir.

mafiablondie:
aw omg! this is so sweet! since you said you want to get him something symbolic, let me tell you what different roses mean in the flower language!
red- passion and love
pink- gratitude and appreciation
white- purity, innocence and new beginnings
yellow- friendship and joy
These are the most common ones. Also as for the store please check out this one

     bandagesonly_:
     
thank you so much! you were such a big help. and my friends said reddit wouldn't help me with this.

karmaismyboyfriend:
aw this is what i got reddit for. hope you figured out your roses, op! please keep us updated im interested in this relationship :D

karma_is_not_dead:

....

--

r/PortMafia (private subreddit for authorized Port mafia members)
Posted by u/tachihara

Am I hallucinating or did you guys see that too?

Holy shit guys, did you guys just Higuchi Nee-san hand over flowers to Akutagawa-san? Girl has the guts, I'll give you that. Will he accept, what do we think? Also why so random?!

-

qsaku:
its valentine's week, and specifically its rose day today. higuchi-senpai is big on this stuff

girlboss:
i don't think my brother even knows about valentines week so i think we're safe

     mafiablondie:
     gin-chan pls educate him a little

          girlboss:
          
sorry higuchi-san, i love you but that's way too awkward

elise_loves_sweets:
that is literally nothing i just saw something crazier. wait ill make a post

--

r/PortMafia
Posted by u/elise_loves_sweets

Dazai-san in Port Mafia office today (say what!)

Okay so we all know that Port Mafia is on truce with the ADA and everything is super chill. Dazai-san visits randomly quite a bit so that's not the surprising part. But here is what I accidentally saw and overheard. 

Dazai-san was waiting for Chuuya-san in his office for like hours. Then when Chuuya-san came back, he was obviously annoyed to see Dazai-san, right? But then! Dazai-san literally handed him a huge bouquet of roses?!! Chuuya-san was speechless.

-

mafiablondie:
WAIT ARE YOU SERIOUS

ozakikoyo:
ohhh thats why dazai was here today,, he didn't even accept my invitation to have tea together

     demon_snow:
     hmmm.

verlaine:
ugh

girlboss:
thats crazy. how did chuuya-san react? do we need to clean up his office again?

     tachihara:
     
pls don't say that. chuuya san promised not to break the walls anymore

     elise_loves_sweets:
     
actually though, chuuya-san didn't seem to be bothered by it, he just put them in a vase on his desk

--

r/PortMafia
Posted by u/rashomon

What is Reddit?

Hello, I am Akutagawa Ryuunosuke. I saw my sister use this thing called Reddit and I got curious. What is this thing and how do I use it?

-

girlboss:
oh hell no, go back 

tachihara:
+1 seriously go back this is not for you

     rashomon:
     
???

monocle:
Who showed Akutagawa-kun how to use Reddit?

     girlboss:
     
OJI-SAN WHO SHOWED YOU???

          monocle:
          
It was Dazai-kun; he was very nice about it.

lemonsforlife:
@mafiablondie good luck

     mafiablondie:
     
oh my god

Notes:

A COMPREHENSIVE USERNAME GUIDE !!

Armed Detective Agency:
bandagesonly_: Dazai || bestdoctor: Yosano || bestdetective: Ranpo || not_a_furry: Atsushi || demon_snow: Kyouka || beefbowls: Kenji || MyIdeals: Kunikida || oniichan_daisuki: Tanizaki Naomi || jtanizaki: Tanizaki Junichiro || haruno_is_not_a_cat_lady: Haruno || futonlife: Katai || fukuzawa: Fukuzawa

Port Mafia:
mafiablondie: Higuchi || girlboss:Akutagawa Gin || rashomon: Akutagawa Ryuunosuke || ozaikoyo: Ozaki Kouyou || verlaine: Paul Verlaine || tachihara: Tachihara Michizou || monocle: Hirotsu || winexhats: Chuuya || gravity_: Chuuya (private account) || elise_loves_sweets: Elise || qsaku: Kyusaku aka Q || karma_is_not_dead: Karma || lemonslife: Kajii ||

Guild:
anneofgreengables: Lucy || guildfrancis: Francis Fitzgerald || alcott: Louisa May Alcott || adventures_of_sawyer: Mark Twain