Chapter Text
A little Choi Nam-ra stood on the ground, fidgeting with her hair, which her mother put into a high ponytail.
It was her first day of actual school, after being homeschooled her first couple years of elementary school.
She still hadn’t made any friends.
But that was because classes were meant for paying attention, but thankfully it was recess. Now was her chance.
Eomma would be proud of me for making friends.
Nam-ra searched and searched for people, trying to find people that weren’t too rowdy, and not too boring.
But who?
“Yah, you! With the ponytail! Wanna play with us?” Nam-ra flinched as she realized the voice was directed at her.
The person behind the voice was an upbeat, cheerful looking girl, hair in a low ponytail.
Nam-ra swallowed and smiled, the excitement eating her alive. “Yeah! Of course! You’d… let me?”
“Yeah! I would! I’ve… never seen you here before. Like, at all. Are you new or something?”
Nam-ra nodded. “Yeah. I’m new. My name is… Nam-ra. Choi Nam-ra. What’s yours?”
“I’m On-jo! It’s nice to meet you!”
On-jo… Nam-ra couldn’t wait to tell her mother about her new friend.
She could imagine her usually serious, hardened expression softening into a smile as Nam-ra told her all about her day.
“So… On-jo… you said, us. As in… you have multiple friends?”
“Yup! I do! Cheong-san, I-sak, and Gyeong-su! They’re all really nice people, don’t worry!”
If they were anything like On-jo, Nam-ra had a feeling she’d love them all.
“Hey, guys!” On-jo ran up to three other kids sitting near the swing set, “This is Nam-ra! She’s new here, and she’s gonna be our friend!”
Nam-ra bowed in awkward greeting. “Annyeonghaseyo.”
One of the boys burst into laughter. “Holy shit, you’re so polite!”
Nam-ra tensed. “Should you really be saying that at your age…?”
The other girl, I-sak, Nam-ra assumed, rolled her eyes. “Gyeong-su thinks he’s cool because he swears sometimes.”
Gyeong-su scoffed. “I am cool! What do you mean?”
“He really isn’t. Don’t listen to him,” The second boy, Cheong-san, chuckled as he looked at Nam-ra. “Anyways, you’re new? What school did you go to before?”
Nam-ra shook her head. “I was actually… homeschooled before this.”
On-jo’s eyes widened. “Dang! Must’ve been nice getting to sleep in.”
“It was fun while it lasted,” Nam-ra nervously chuckled.
“I’m kinda the same, Nam-ra. I recently moved here from Seoul.” I-sak added.
“Really? What was it like?” Nam-ra asked.
“The school I went to was much bigger, for one, but… I think I like it here better.”
That gave Nam-ra hope. Maybe she’d like her life at a public school better than homeschool.
“Do you know how to play tag, Nam-ra?” Gyeong-su smiled wide, Nam-ra found his energetic demeanor contagious.
Cheong-san elbowed him. “She’s not an idiot. Obviously she knows how to play tag.”
Nam-ra nodded. “I know how to play. Why?”
Gyeong-su smirked, a downright devilish grin. He looked like a cartoon villain plotting something sinister. “Because…” he then got up and lightly shoved Nam-ra on the shoulder. “YOU’RE IT!” He then ran off, cackling as he did so.
“Oh my gosh, you…” Nam-ra looked at the other three, On-jo in particular stifling a laugh.
Nam-ra moved to tag On-jo, and so the game ensued.
It was pure chaos. Nam-ra ended up tripping on the ground at one point, getting her nice clothes all dirty. Her mother would definitely be frustrated, but… she’d brush it off soon enough. Right?
But she could safely say that she made three new friends: Nam On-jo, Lee Cheong-san, Han Gyeong-su, and Yoon I-sak.
Nam-ra practically ran home to her apartment, excited to tell her mother about her day.
She swung open the door. “Eomma!” She exclaimed.
Nam-ra’s mother turned to her, signature stern expression on her face. “Nam-ra. Is that any way to greet your mother?”
She faltered and bowed down. “Sorry… just… excited.”
“How was your first day? What did you learn?”
“It was fun! I made friends!” Nam-ra’s eyes lit up again.
Nam-ra’s mother looked down at her daughter, an unfamiliar anger filling her eyes. “What did you just say?”
“I… made friends.”
“Nam-ra. What did I say about making friends?”
“I don’t… I don’t know!” She really didn’t. Nam-ra was zoned out for half the things her mother was saying to her in the morning.
“Yes, you do. Now, tell me, what did I say about making friends?”
Nam-ra’s breath hitched. She’d never seen her mother mad… she was usually calm and composed, never showing much emotion.
“They’re… they’re bad!” Nam-ra exclaimed. Again, she didn’t know; she just assumed based on her mother’s reaction.
She nodded once. “What I said is that they’re a waste of time, but… close enough. Then why did you make friends?”
“I don’t know! They just… approached me! They were so nice!”
“Let me tell you this, Nam-ra. Friends are just a distraction. What you need to focus on is your grades and what you’re learning in school. That’s why you’ve been homeschooled for the past five years.”
“I’m… I’m sorry. It won’t… happen again. I’ll stop talking to them.” Her eyes filled with tears, shameful, regretful tears.
She’d thought her mother’s emotional outburst was over, but her brows furrowed as she took in Nam-ra’s disheveled appearance. “Why are the clothes I bought for you covered in dirt?”
“I was… playing with my friends. Their clothes were dirty too! It’s… it’s normal!”
She scowled as she roughly grabbed her daughter by the arm and practically dragged her upstairs, to the master bathroom.
“Choi Nam-ra, you are such a disgrace. I can’t believe I have to call you my daughter.” Her mother scolded as she grabbed onto Nam-ra’s ponytail and forcefully pulled it out, causing her to wince in pain, the tears she’d been holding back unwillingly falling down.
“I’m… I’m sorry, Eomma. I’m sorry.” Nam-ra repeatedly apologized.
“No. Don’t waste your breath. I just want you to understand this: you will never speak to those little ‘friends’ of yours ever again, unless you absolutely have to. And you won’t make any more. From here on out, your priority is to be a proper student, and a decent daughter. Do you understand?”
Nam-ra hesitated. She didn’t want to abandon On-jo and the others… but then again, this was her mom. Mothers always knew best, right?
“I said, do you understand?” She repeated, tone taking on a calm approach. Though, the underlying anger was still there.
Nam-ra nodded. “I… yes. I understand.”
“Good. Now get cleaned up, I don’t want to see you dirty any longer. I’ll call you down for dinner.” And then she left, leaving Nam-ra alone in the bathroom.
She stared at herself in the mirror. She looked wrecked, faint specks of dirt on her face, and tears still streaming down her cheeks.
What was she thinking? Her mother was right. Friends weren’t important.
Nam-ra glanced at the bathtub, she’d have to shower before her mother made dinner.
She felt like a failure.
The next day at school, Nam-ra ignored every single one of her classmates.
Gyeong-su, who she unfortunately had most of her classes with, tried to talk to her, but she ignored him.
Then recess came, she just sat on one of the swings and stared at her clean, white shoes.
“Hey, Nam-ra!” On-jo greeted, kind smile on her face. “How are you today?”
You will never speak to them again.
Nam-ra just stared blankly, ignoring On-jo.
That smile turned into a frown. “What’s wrong? Do you wanna… play tag again?”
She found it harder and harder to keep ignoring On-jo, but she had to do this. It was like her mother was an omnipresent force; Nam-ra felt she was watching her every move.
“Okay, what’s your problem? Do you think you’re better than us or something?” On-jo crossed her arms, expression turning angry.
Cheong-san suddenly grabbed onto On-jo’s shoulder. “Just… calm down, On-jo. I’m sure she’s just tired. Leave her alone.” He then mouthed ‘Sorry’ to Nam-ra as he guided her to where he, Gyeong-su, and I-sak were at.
Nam-ra bit down hard on her lip. She couldn’t possibly cry, not here, not now.
“…You alright?” An unfamiliar voice asked.
There was no denying that whoever this person was, they were speaking to Nam-ra, there was no one else in the vicinity.
Nam-ra met the gaze of a concerned looking boy she also had the majority of her classes with. What was his name again? Su-hyeok?
She wanted to say something, anything, but all that came out of her mouth was a pathetic noise.
“Was she bullying you?” Su-hyeok gestured to On-jo.
Nam-ra shook her head.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
She already defied her mother. Nam-ra felt dizzier and dizzier… then she remembered. Su-hyeok wasn’t her friend. They’d never spoken to each other before now.
Su-hyeok opened his mouth to say something else, before another boy’s voice hollered, “Su-hyeok! Get over here!” He must’ve been his friend.
And so Su-hyeok got up and ran over to his friend, not before giving Nam-ra one last concerned glance.
Nam-ra felt terrible. She really did. But… her mother knew best.