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1.
“Dude, you have to go and talk to him.”
“I have to do no such thing,” Simon hissed.
Ayub rolled his eyes. “You guys have been making eyes at each other for the last – how many months?” He directed the last question to Rosh, who had her head down on her open textbook.
“I have not being ‘making eyes’,” Simon retorted, drawing disdainful air quotes. “I have—”
“Yes you have,” Rosh grumbled from where her face was pressed into a page titled, ‘Ankle injury in—‘ where the words were cut off due to her hair splaying across the paper. “And Ayub’s right. For all of our sakes. Please go and talk to him. Or I’ll do it for you.”
Normally, that threat would have made Simon panic, but Rosh was in no state to go and do anything, least of all approach a stranger across the library and talk to him. Preferably without vomiting on his shoes.
“No one is going to talk to him,” Simon said. “Look. I’m doing my work. It’s fine.”
With determination, he propped up his own textbook and stared at the page without seeing anything. Words and figures and citations and case studies swam in his vision, not a single bit of it going into his brain.
Because his brain was currently filled with floppy hair and dark, intense eyes and a cute nose and—
With a pained groan, Simon slammed his book down. “This is pointless,” he said. “I can’t concentrate now.”
“Because you’re daydreaming about Library Guy?” Ayub asked with a smirk.
“No,” Simon asserted. Yes, he corrected in his head. “Because you two have distracted me. And I’m worried Rosh is going to die if someone doesn’t get her some coffee.”
“Coffee?” she said eagerly, sitting up too quickly and then groaning. “I don’t know if I can stomach it.”
Simon chuckled. “Come on,” he said. “I’ll buy you one of those greasy breakfast things you love, soak up all the alcohol.”
The next noise Rosh made was difficult to decipher, but she snapped her textbook shut and pushed her chair back. “Right,” she said. “Grease me up.”
“Gross,” Simon laughed. “But okay.”
Ayub snorted. “You wouldn’t think it was gross if it was—”
“Shut up, Ayub,” Simon shot back. Ayub just laughed as they all packed their things away and left the library. Just before they headed out of the door, Simon turned and looked over his shoulder. The boy quickly dropped his gaze and pretended to be looking at the laptop in front of him, but Simon could see a pink blush spreading across his cheeks, his wide eyes not moving across the screen at all.
Simon smiled to himself and allowed the warm, pleased feeling of a cute boy’s attention to spread through his chest. Then he turned and followed his friends out into the sunshine.
2.
Simon had been staring at his screen for a full two hours and his vision was going wonky along with an unpleasant stabbing behind his right eye.
With a frustrated groan, he rubbed his hands up and down his face and dragged his textbook towards him.
It was nearing closing time, but Simon knew himself well enough to know that he’d be way less likely to concentrate when he was back at home. Ayub and Rosh had both had their big deadlines yesterday, so were likely to be celebrating in one way or another.
For half an hour, Simon powered through, managing to write a couple of hundred words, add two more references and read another case study. Then the lights started dimming and he knew that was his cue to leave.
Packing up all of his things, Simon trudged towards the doors, only noticing at the last minute that someone else was doing the same from the other corridor.
“Shit! Sorry!” Simon said as the other person’s books tumbled from their arms, hit the floor and skittered out across the panelling.
“No,” the person said crouching down as Simon did the same. “My fault. I wasn’t looking where I was—” His head lifted up and Simon came face to face with the person Ayub had so lovingly dubbed—
“Library Guy,” Simon breathed.
“I’m sorry – what?” Library Guy said, a frown on his face.
Simon shook his head. “Nothing,” he said. “Sorry. Here.” He handed Library Guy one of his books as they stood back up.
“Thanks,” he said.
Wow. He really was even more beautiful up close. A little taller than Simon, slightly broad shoulders and acne scarred cheeks. His eyes were deep brown and even more intense up close. Simon took a decisive step back.
“Sorry again.”
“It’s fine. I, uhm—”
“Sorry.” Simon took another step back, regret swirling in the pit of his stomach. “I really have to go. I have an essay, and—”
“Yeah. No problem,” Library Guy said. “Of course. Sorry for… delaying you.”
Simon let out a disbelieving laugh and Library Guy smiled sheepishly. Fuck, he was really pretty. Just beyond the doors, Simon could hear a bus pulling up to the stop outside the library.
“Fuck,” he muttered. Then: “Bye!” he called over his shoulder as he turned and ran towards the road.
Once safely inside the bus, Simon peered out of the window into the darkness only to find Library Guy standing just outside of the library doors. When he caught Simon’s eye, he raised his hand in a wave.
Another surprised laugh burst out of Simon and he returned the wave just as the bus pulled away.
3.
Simon, Ayub and Rosh had been mostly studying for the last half an hour. Really, Ayub had been dozing, Rosh had been texting the girl she’d met at football training, and Simon had been sneaking glances at Library Guy who was studying with a group across the other side of the library.
That was unusual. Library Guy was usually alone. Sometimes he was with a girl with beautiful curly hair and a pretty smile – Simon had watched in dismay as they’d chatted and giggled with their heads close together before scolding himself and reminding himself that it was none of his business if Library Guy had a girlfriend.
But today, Library Guy was with a whole group. They were being loud. Occasionally, somebody jostled Library Guy and he sent them a tight smile. Simon didn’t want to assume, but it didn’t look as though Library Guy was particularly comfortable with the group. But, again, that was none of Simon’s business.
Simon tried to concentrate on his work. This module was interesting, he was enjoying it, but for some reason his brain wouldn’t cooperate. It was probably something to do with the noise coming from the other side of the library. Or the glances he’d caught from Library Guy over the course of the morning. No matter how much he tried to deny it, he couldn’t help but feel a little giddy every time their eyes met.
Although his opinion of Library Guy was steadily dropping with every raucous laugh from the other side of the library.
“I wish they’d fucking shut up,” Rosh grumbled.
“You’ve not even been working,” Simon pointed out.
“That’s not the point. This is a library.”
Simon snorted. As if Rosh cared about that sort of thing at all. She was just annoyed because one of the girls from the group had walked into her and then said, “Rude,” in a very loud voice as she’d stalked away.
“They’re disturbing my slumber,” Ayub grumbled from where his face was smushed into his arms.
“And God knows you need your beauty sleep,” Rosh pointed out.
Ayub lifted his middle finger without even looking up and Simon laughed.
“Shh!”
All three of them whipped their heads around to face a girl with the scowl on her face, who was glaring at them from the next table.
“Excuse me?” Rosh said, her voice dangerous.
The girl just tutted and rolled her eyes.
“No,” Rosh snapped. “Did you just shush us? With all that racket coming from over there?”
“Well, that’s over there, isn’t it?” the girl retorted.
“Oh, and your hearing is so bad that you can’t hear them? But you can hear us?”
“Yes.” The girl’s tone was clipped. “So if you don’t mind—”
“Maybe I do mind,” fumed Rosh. “Maybe—”
“Rosh,” Simon warned. “Leave it. She’s right. It is a library.”
“Thank you,” the girl preened, batting her eyelashes.
“Oh, don’t even try,” Rosh said scathingly. “You aren’t even his type. You’re actually mine, but since you’re such a stuck up—”
“Rosh,” Simon said again as the girl cried, “Excuse me?”
“Woah woah woah,” another voice said, joining the noise. It was one of the people that had been in the rowdy group with Library Guy. He was tall, handsome in that obnoxious way, dark, wavy hair slicked back away from his forehead, a self-satisfied smirk on his lips. “What’s the problem over here? There are people trying to work, you know?”
“That’s what I was trying to tell them!” the girl said, throwing her hands up into the air.
“Is there a problem here?” the new guy said again, directing his question at Simon. Ayub had sat up looking sleep-rumpled and confused.
“No,” Rosh muttered.
The guy turned to Simon, raising an eyebrow. “We weren’t making as much noise as you,” Simon retorted.
The guy’s smile spread, it made something cold drop into Simon’s stomach. “I do apologise. We are an old group of friends who haven’t seen each other in a while. We were catching up. I do acknowledge that we may have been a little louder than we perhaps should have been, but I don’t think—”
“You’ve been unfairly loud all afternoon!” Simon cried. “And we make noise once and all of a sudden we’re the problem?”
The smile slipped a little and something hard flashed in his eyes. “I think you need to lower your voice. And calm down. I don’t want to cause a scene.”
“But you already are,” Simon retorted. “Why are you getting involved?”
“Because the comfort of my fellow students is—”
“Your fellow students?” Simon didn’t even know why he was still arguing. Except that he was annoyed. And embarrassed. And the injustice rankled him.
“Yes.” The smile was back. Sharp. “And I don’t think—”
“August.”
The guy with the sharp smile turned around when Library Guy put a hand on his arm. “What?”
“Leave it. They haven’t done anything wrong.”
August scoffed. “They were disturbing the—”
“And that’s exactly what you’re doing now,” Library Guy interrupted. “Come on. I’m sure we can all be a little quieter.”
August rolled his eyes and then glared at Simon as if it was all his fault. “Fine,” he said. “But only because I don’t want it to colour our time together.”
Then he slung an arm over Library Guy’s shoulders and steered him away. Library Guy turned in the headlock and sent an apologetic look to Simon, but before Simon could smile back, August had rammed his knuckles into Library Guy’s hair and rubbed. Hard.
4.
Exam season was upon them and the library was suddenly full of so many more students than Simon had ever seen there before. No longer was it just him, Rosh and Ayub, a handful of maths or physics students in between their lectures, the odd harassed final year student, and Library Guy. Now, they were lucky to even get a table.
One Thursday it was particularly bad. They walked onto their usual floor and Simon heard Rosh say, “Oh, fuck,” from behind him. The place was rammed. Some people were sitting on the floor. There was that general murmur of noise from a large group of people who were trying to be particularly quiet. Most people wore headphones and had their noses stuck in a book or staring feverishly at a laptop screen.
There was no way they would find space for all three of them. Not unless—
“Hey,” a voice said from beside them.
They all turned and stared at Library Guy. Simon’s stomach lurched – not unpleasantly. “I, uhm, I have a table over there. My friends are just about to go… If— If you’d like to join me? I mean… Not join me. But, you know, sit down. Somewhere?”
Rosh snorted and nodded with a smirk on her face. “Sure thing.”
“Nice one, Library Guy,” Ayub said, hitching his bag higher on his shoulder.
“Erm, Wilhelm,” Library Guy said. “My, uh, my name’s Wilhelm.”
“Ayub. Well,” Ayub grinned, slapping a hand down on his shoulder as he walked past. “Then thanks, Wilhelm.”
Ayub and Rosh headed towards the table Wilhelm had pointed out where, sure enough, the three friends he’d been studying with were packing away their things. Simon recognised a couple of them from the rowdy group from the other week. Clearly, so did Rosh and she shot them a poisonous glare that would have made Simon’s toes curl if it had been directed at him.
Simon became suddenly aware that Wilhelm was watching him, eyes following him as he turned back. “Thanks,” Simon said, going for casual and being horrified when his voice came out all cracked and weird. He cleared his throat. “I, uh, thanks for offering the table. We were going to have to fend for ourselves in the quad otherwise. I’m Simon by the way.”
A smile spread on Wilhelm’s face and it really didn’t help with the strange fluttering that had started up in Simon’s stomach. “Simon. You’re welcome,” Wilhelm said. “Happy to help. I—”
“Do you two mind?” came a voice from by their feet. A girl with a shock of bright pink hair, and thick black eyeliner was glaring up at them threateningly. It was very effective. “Some of us are trying to not get kicked out. Take your flirting somewhere else.”
“Shit. Sorry,” Wilhelm fumbled, just as Simon said, “We weren’t flirting.”
“Whatever,” the girl said. “Just do it somewhere else, yeah?”
Simon wanted to argue further, mainly because he could feel the heat creeping down his neck at the idea that someone thought they were flirting, that someone other than Rosh and Ayub might have noticed how much Simon couldn’t stop looking at Wilhelm’s mouth when he talked, or even when he wasn’t talking, even when he was just smiling awkwardly, licking his lips and—
“Er…” Wilhelm’s mouth said. “Did you want to…?” He gestured vaguely at the table that had now been vacated. Rosh and Ayub had spread themselves out and Rosh practically growled at someone who had pounced on one of the empty seats.
“Oh, shit. Yeah,” Simon said, shaking his head. “Of course.”
Just as he was heading to the table, Wilhelm’s friends walked past them on their way out. “See you for dinner, Wille?” one of them called.
“Yeah, Henry. See you later. Did you get—”
Leaving Wilhelm to talk to Henry, Simon scuttled forward, flung his bag down and slumped into the chair next to Ayub. “Well that was a fucking train wreck,” Rosh chuckled.
“Fuck off,” Simon grumbled.
“Yeah, bro,” Ayub snorted. “You could have—”
“Shut up. He’s coming,” Simon hissed, just in time for Wilhelm to arrive at the table and slip back into his seat.
For a moment the four of them just looked at each other before, somehow – miraculously – they all starting getting out their things without another word. It should probably have been suspicious that Rosh and Ayub weren’t making his life even more difficult because he was making it plenty difficult all on his own.
Because Library Guy – Wilhelm – was beautiful. Simon knew he was staring, but he couldn’t really help it. And not just that, Wilhelm kept sneaking his own glances up at Simon. It should have been awkward, in fact is was awkward. But Simon didn’t care. He felt giddy; fizzy little bubbles were bursting underneath his sternum and it felt like the temperature had shot up several degrees. It felt like they’d been dancing around each other forever. Simon knew that every time he walked into the library, he looked around in the hope of seeing Wilhelm here. And he knew how disappointed he was when Wilhelm wasn’t at his usual table.
He also knew that, embarrassingly, the chance of Wilhelm’s presence in the library had made Simon study more than he might have otherwise chosen to.
Simon had never been so self-aware in his life. Was he sitting weird? Did he hold his pen funny? Was his course ridiculous? Did he spill breakfast on himself this morning? He didn’t know why he cared – he didn’t usually care about those sorts of things, not even when presented with a pretty face.
But something about Wilhelm felt different. It was strange, they didn’t even know each other, maybe he was a complete twat, maybe they’d have nothing in common, maybe he smelt funny, but somehow Simon didn’t think so.
They all worked in silence for almost an hour. Or, well, everyone else worked, Simon stared at his laptop or his textbook and pretending he wasn’t using all of his energy to not stare at Wilhelm. It would have been worth the effort if he wasn’t failing dramatically.
Then, just as Simon thought his eyes might fall out from the strain, Wilhelm closed his laptop and started gathering his things. Simon watched in dismay as his laptop, his books, and his notepad made it into his satchel – a very fancy leather satchel, he noticed.
Simon was just trying not to look at the way Wilhelm’s fingers wrapped around his water bottle when a sharp pain ran up his shin. He hissed and let out a loud, “Ouch!”
“Are you okay?” Wilhelm asked, concern flooding his face.
“I— Yeah,” Simon said, reaching down to rub his leg where Rosh’s shoe had made contact. “Just banged my knee under the table.
Rosh rolled her eyes and muttered something under her breath as Simon tried to aim a kick back at her.
“Ow!” Wilhelm’s eyes went wide as he flinched back.
“Shit! Sorry!” Simon cried.
“Shush!” someone muttered from the floor just beside their table.
“Sorry,” Simon whispered, then turned back to Wilhelm. “I really am sorry. I didn’t—”
“That’s okay,” Wilhelm murmured back. “No worries. But I, uh, I have to go. I have a seminar in five minutes.”
“Oh, okay,” Simon replied, failing horribly at keeping the disappointment out of his voice as he watched Wilhelm stand.
Ayub made a noise and Simon desperately wanted to kick him too. This was so painfully awkward. Why did Simon have to go and develop a stupid crush on the stupid cute library guy? This was so embarrassing.
Wilhelm looked at him for another moment before saying, “I, uhm, would you maybe like to—”
“Either leave or sit back down at the fucking table,” the person on the floor snapped, “some of us would like a seat. Or to study in peace.”
“Sorry. Yes. Of course. I was just going. I’ll, uhm…” And with that, Wilhelm gathered his things and left.
Simon watched him disappear through the crowds before turning back to the table and thunking his head down on it. He felt rather than heard someone gleefully fling themselves into Wilhelm’s vacated seat, but Simon was too busy lamenting the lost opportunity to care at all.
“Well that was a shitshow,” Rosh muttered.
And, yes, Simon couldn’t agree more.
5.
Everyone was relieved when exams were over. University was tougher than any of them had anticipated, but Simon felt pretty good about how his first year had gone. For the first time in his life he felt like he was really getting somewhere.
Except, right now, all he was getting was annoyed.
“Where the fuck did everyone come from?” he grumbled, craning around Rosh to glare at the crowds of students.
“Same place we did,” Ayub said. “Everyone’s finished with exams and is taking advantage of the sun.”
“Yeah,” Simon said. “Well. I wish they’d all go home.”
Ayub chuckled. “And what if they think the same about you, Simme?”
Simon pretended to be offended but knew that Ayub was just being reasonable. Apparently everyone had had the same idea as the three of them and were heading out to the water whilst the sun was beating down and there were no looming deadlines. The last few days before everyone went home for the summer.
Most people were probably heading to summer homes with their families; Ayub, Rosh and Simon were all going to their summer jobs, as usual, taking the opportunity to earn some money before the new term started.
The small, pebbly beach was absolutely rammed full of students. Simon groaned as they looked around, trying to find a spot to put down all their things.
“We should have gone to that other one,” Simon sighed.
“But this one has space for a kick about!” Rosh whined, which had been exactly her argument in the first place when Simon had pointed out that this beach was likely to be more popular, being closer to the campus.
“There won’t be any space with all these people,” Simon said, gesturing around.
“Watch out!”
There wasn’t any time to do anything before a volleyball hit Simon square on the head. “Ow!” he cried.
“Shit! Sorry! We didn’t— Oh.”
Wilhelm had stopped dead in his tracks, eyes wide.
“You hit me with a ball,” Simon said rather stupidly, unable to formulate anything more witty when faced with a very shirtless and sweaty Wilhelm.
Rosh snorted and jostled Simon’s shoulder.
“Fuck off,” he grumbled, just as Wilhelm said, “I did. Well. August did. I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” Simon hurried out. And he was. It hadn’t hurt, it had just been a surprise. Much like the surprise of how broad Wilhelm’s back looked. And how many freckles he had.
“Tell your friend to be careful though.” Rosh both looked and sounded fearsome as she said it, and, when Simon finally dragged his gaze upwards again, he noticed that Wilhelm looked suitably terrified.
“I will,” he stammered. “I— He didn’t mean to. It was—”
“Whatever, pretty boy,” Rosh interrupted. “To make up for it you can let us put our stuff with yours. Where are you?”
Wilhelm showed them over to where their belongings were piled in a good spot by the edge of the beach. “Here,” he said. “That’s all my friends’ stuff. But you can” – Rosh unceremoniously dumped their things on top of what was already there – “put your stuff anywhere.” His voice trailed off as Rosh clapped him on the shoulder.
“Thanks, Wilhelm. You’re a gem. Ayub! Come on!”
Before Simon could really comprehend what was happening, Ayub had saluted them both and jogged off after Rosh.
“I, uh—” Wilhelm started before another voice yelled over the crowd, “Wille! Get back over here with the ball!”
Wilhelm smiled sheepishly at Simon. “I, uh, I guess I have to… go.”
“Sure,” Simon said. “Enjoy your game.”
The smile Wilhelm sent him made butterflies erupt in his stomach. Seeing him outside of the confines of the library was doing strange things to Simon’s insides, not helped at all by just how much more skin he was having to process. Maybe he needed to lie down for a moment.
With one last lingering look, Wilhelm turned and jogged back towards his friends, his hair bouncing on his head. Simon tried not to let a sigh slip out of his lips, but he couldn’t help it. That was one exceptionally pretty man. And, though he would never admit it to Rosh, Simon was absolutely, one hundred percent, harbouring a not-so-little crush on him.
Damnit.
Simon tried to push that to the back of his mind as he picked his way across all the things that had been dumped on the ground. Ideally, he didn’t want to play football. He would absolutely claim to be ‘watching their bags’ as he lay back on the pebbles and let his face soak up the sun. Maybe he could also sneak a few glances at a very watchable torso currently rejoining the game of volleyball. The legs weren’t bad either.
Alas, that was not to be. Partly because he couldn’t sneakily watch Wilhelm when Wilhelm also kept glancing over at where Simon was. But also because Rosh kept accidentally-on-purpose kicking the ball in Simon’s direction in a bid to get him to play. In the end, he pulled out a book and stuck his middle finger up at Rosh, hoping that she’d get the hint.
Luckily, the book was enough to deter her, and he did almost manage to get into it. At least until he was accosted again by Ayub flopping down on the pebbles beside him.
“It’s too hot for this shit,” Ayub grumbled.
“Should have done the smart thing then,” Simon replied, wiggling his book.
Ayub scoffed. “What, pretend to be reading so I can ogle the hot guy playing volleyball?”
“I was not ogling,” Simon retorted. “I was reading.”
“Oh yeah?” Ayub lurched forward and covered Simon’s page with his hands. “What happened on this page?”
“I— That’s not— It’s a very— Fuck off.” Ayub chortled and Simon snatched the book out from under his hands. “It’s just because it’s so crowded, I can’t concentrate.”
“Oh yeah?” Ayub laughed. “Crowded? I’m sure that’s exactly it.”
“It is!” Simon protested. “It has nothing to do with—”
“Hey.”
Ayub laughed even more at the way Simon whipped around to find Wilhelm standing over him, the sun behind his head making it look like he had a halo. Simon shielded his eyes and tried to look as casual as he could as he squinted up at him. “Hey.”
“Do you mind if I just—”
There was barely any time for Simon to prepare himself before Wilhelm was leaning over him, sweat-glistening shoulders coming alarmingly close as he reached for a towel before straightening back up. Simon tried very hard to not watch his arms flex as he rubbed the towel around the back of his neck, over his hair and down his face.
“Are you okay over here?” Wilhelm asked.
“I, uh…” Simon swallowed and tried to shake the image out of his head. The problem was, the image was still standing right in front of him. “Uhm… I— We…”
“We’re good,” Ayub chuckled. “Thanks, man.”
Wilhelm rubbed distractedly across his chest before dropping the towel back down and saying, “Hey. I don’t suppose you guys would like to come to a party later?”
Simon blinked up at him. Then, upon almost burning his retinas, looked quickly away before glancing back with his hands over his eyes. Wilhelm was watching him carefully: eyes intense, chest rising and falling with quick, shallow breaths. He was nervous. And that made Simon nervous.
“A party?” he repeated.
Wilhelm nodded.
Ayub punched Simon on the arm. Hard. “Fuck, Ayub,” Simon hissed. “What was that for?”
“We want to go to a party, right?” Ayub said, giving Simon a very pointed look.
Panic started welling in Simon’s chest. “I don’t know,” he said, turning back to Wilhelm. “I’m not really a party sort of person. And” – he craned his head to look around Wilhelm’s very distracting body – “your friends seem a bit…”
“Obnoxious,” Ayub finished for him. It wasn’t exactly the word Simon had been searching for, but it wasn’t far off.
Wilhelm had the decency to look a little sheepish. “They’re not so bad. They—” But then he shook his head. “It doesn’t matter, it’s not those friends. It’s my friend Felice. She’s here somewhere. Not playing volleyball. She’s nice. She— I think you’d like her. It won’t—”
“Hey! Guys!” Rosh’s voice raised over Wilhelm’s. “Guess what?” She skidded dramatically to a halt next to a startled Wilhelm. “Hey, Library Guy,” she added as an afterthought.
“Hey,” Wilhelm said. “You can call me—”
“Guess what?” Rosh interrupted yet again. When no one took the bait, everyone just sort of looking half awkwardly between each other, she groaned and cried, “We’ve been invited to a party!”
“Another one?” Simon couldn’t help but exclaim.
“What the fuck do you mean ‘another one’?” Rosh asked. But she didn’t wait for an answer, instead ploughing on with, “This really hot girl was sunbathing over there” – she gestured vaguely over her shoulder – “and invited me, us, but me, mostly.”
“Well,” Simon said, “we’ve been invited to a party too.” He wasn’t sure why he felt the need to be defensive about it, he still wasn’t sure he really wanted to go. But then Wilhelm sent him a pleased smile and he remembered what the whole point of this thing was.
“Bro,” Rosh groaned. “Come on. She was really hot. And I was definitely getting vibes from her. She said she’s got this massive place in the city and—”
“Wait.” It was Wilhelm who interrupted this time. “What did this, uhm, ‘hot girl’ look like?” He looked exceptionally uncomfortable with Rosh’s description.
“Really fucking hot,” Rosh reiterated. “White bikini, massive sunglasses, curly hair, gold—”
“That was Felice!” Wilhelm cried. “That’s the person I was— It’s the same party!”
“Well” – Simon looked between his two friends and then back to Wilhelm’s eager face – “I guess we’re going to a party then.”
6.
Simon wasn’t particularly a fan of parties; neither were Rosh and Ayub. The three of them mostly just hosted games nights with friends when they had the spare time between studies and work and their disastrous dating lives.
This party was in full swing when they arrived. It wasn’t the sort of student party they were used to. The floor wasn’t sticky, in fact it was covered in luxurious pale blue carpet. Drinks were being consumed from actual glassware instead of plastic cups. The music was loud, but not ear-bleedingly so. People were milling around in small groups, chatting and dancing.
It was all very civilised and that made Simon feel even more out of place.
Then, as if hearing his thoughts, a tall, blonde guy, with a plastic beaded necklace screeched at the ceiling and whipped his t-shirt off over his head. Ah. Okay. This felt more like a party now.
“Rosh! Hi!”
A beautiful girl with huge gold earrings and a stunning green dress descended on them. She pulled a very startled Rosh into a hug. Simon and Ayub exchanged a look.
“I’m so glad you could make it!” the girl said, giving Rosh a squeeze before letting her go. Then she turned her dazzling attention on Simon and Ayub. “Hi. I’m Felice.”
“Ayub.” He leant forward and shook her hand a little awkwardly.
After sending Ayub and small but genuine smile, Felice turned to and said, “And you—”
“Simon!”
All four of them whipped around to find Wilhelm standing just inside the kitchen holding a bottle of beer in his hand. Then, as if connected on some subliminal level, all three of them turned to look at Simon. Heat flooded Simon’s cheeks and he could do nothing except mumble, “Uhhh…”
Luckily, he was saved from reacting properly by Felice letting out an excited squeal. “Oh!” she cried. “Simon! You’re Library Guy!”
“What?” Rosh said, whipping to look at her. “No he’s not. He’s Library Guy.” She gestured vaguely at Wilhelm, who was still looking at Simon with a slightly shocked expression on his face.
Felice chuckled. “Well, Wille has been going on and on about some guy he keeps seeing in the library and we finally dubbed him ‘Library Guy’ until Wille found out his name.”
Rosh snorted. “It sounds like we’ve had exactly the same experience. This one kept—”
“Hey!” Simon protested weakly. “I’m right here!”
“Sorry,” Rosh said, not sounding sorry at all.
“Why don’t we go and get you two drinks,” Felice said, grinning wickedly at Simon as she grabbed Rosh and Ayub’s sleeves, “and leave these two alone for a moment.”
The protest died on Simon’s tongue at the soft expression on Wilhelm’s face. And, fuck it, he actually really did want to spend some time with him. Maybe get to know him outside of the fleeting moments they’d spent together so far.
Ayub threw a thumbs up over his shoulder as they walked past Wilhelm and into what looked like a vast kitchen.
“Do you want to—” Wilhelm gestured in the opposite direction towards where a makeshift dance floor had been set up in the living space.
“Oh, I don’t really… dance.”
“We can sit,” Wilhelm said. “If you’d like? Or…”
“Sitting would be good actually.”
They ducked in between the groups of people and found a cramped corner at the back of the room, half hidden behind some sad-looking plants, where there were two empty chairs.
“So,” Simon said as he lowered himself down onto one. He wished he had a drink for something to do with his hands. “Wilhelm.”
“Wille,” he said. “My friends call me Wille.” He looked almost… hopeful.
“Oh,” Simon said. “Okay.” Something warm bloomed in his chest. “Wille.”
“I— I’m surprised you came,” Wille said with a small laugh.
“You are?”
“Yeah. You, uhm, didn’t seem… interested.” Wille was fiddling with the label on the bottle of beer he was holding loosely in his hands.
“Well… Rosh thought Felice was really fucking hot, so…” Simon joked with a nervous laugh.
The smile on Wille’s face was a little tight, a little unsure. But Simon didn’t feel like he could say, ‘I think you’re really fucking hot too’. Or maybe he could.
“Well, I’m glad you decided to tag along then,” Wille said with a slightly shaky inhale. “I— uhm… Yeah. Really glad.”
And faced with Wille’s earnestness, Simon couldn’t do anything but reach out a hand and place it gently, clumsily on Wille’s knee and say, “I’m glad too.” Wille smiled as Simon squeezed his knee and then quickly retracted his hand. They weren’t really at the physical affection point of their relationship yet, but, given how thrilling that had felt, maybe they could be soon.
After the initial awkwardness, Simon was delighted to find that Wille was easy to talk to. Very easy to talk to, in fact. So easy that Simon almost forgot he was at a party that he didn’t really want to be at. He’d also forgotten that he’d come with friends.
“Hey, man,” Ayub said, sidling over to where Wille and Simon were still sitting, heads bent closer together than strictly necessary, talking about their courses.
“Hey,” Simon said, sitting up a little straighter. “What’s up?”
“Nothing,” Ayub sighed. “Rosh has disappeared though. And I don’t know—”
“With Felice?” Wille interrupted, ears pricking up. “Has Rosh gone somewhere with Felice?”
“I dunno,” Ayub shrugged. “Maybe? She was talking to a big group of girls. And the next thing I knew, she’d gone. Why? Is Felice interested?”
Wille snorted. “She said not. But why else would she have invited her to the party?”
“I dunno, bro. You invited us,” Ayub said.
Simon felt himself go bright red, and he couldn’t tell from Ayub’s innocent expression if he realised what he’d said or not. Clearly Wille knew and shifted a little in his seat. A quick sideways glance told Simon that Wille’s cheeks had gone a little pink – it was adorable.
“Anyway,” Ayub said once the silence had stretched on long enough that Simon wanted to floor to open up and swallow them whole. “Who wants another drink? I can just take whatever I want, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Wille said as he stood up. “Help yourself. Simon, do you want anything?”
“Sure. A soda would be great.”
As they made their way to the kitchen, Wille kept glancing sideways at Simon. So much so that by the time they made it, Simon’s insides were a gooey mess. Fuck, he really liked this guy. Even more so now he wasn’t just some vaguely attractive person that he saw every now and then across a library.
“Coke? Lemonade? I think Felice has some fancy fruit things.”
Ayub snorted and Simon aimed a punch at him. “Coke would be great. Thanks.”
Whilst Wille busied himself with the drinks, Ayub sidled up to Simon. “Bro,” he whispered.
“What?” Simon hissed back, dramatically failing at seeming ignorant.
“Bro,” Ayub repeated, a shit-eating grin on his lips. “He is so into you.”
“Shut up. No he’s not.” It was embarrassment more than anything that made him say it. Because he did actually think that Wille was into him. As if he could hear what they were saying (God, Simon hoped not), Wille looked up and sent them a grin.
“Fucking hell,” Ayub chuckled. Then he sighed. “You’re both going to leave me tonight aren’t you? Do I have to go and make friends with that Henry guy?”
“Who’s Henry?”
“Oh, do you know Henry?” Wille interjected as he returned with a beer for Ayub and a Coke each for him and Simon. Simon tried not to read too hard into Wille’s drink choice.
“No,” Ayub said. “But he challenged me to a game of Mario Kart.”
“Felice doesn’t have Mario Kart,” Wille said in confusion.
“Well,” Ayub snorted, “the guy was so drunk I could probably hand him a plate and point him at the TV and he’d think he was playing.”
Wille laughed – loud and unhindered. Fuck, Simon was doomed.
“Yeah. Sounds like Henry. He’s a good guy though. Maybe you’d like him.”
“Ayub likes everyone until they give him a reason not to,” Simon said.
“Well, hopefully I don’t give him a reason not to.” But Wille wasn’t looking at Ayub, he was looking at Simon with that soul-piercing intensity that made Simon forget who he was.
He couldn’t even pull himself together enough to kick Ayub at the incredulous smile he threw at him. It was difficult to know whether to focus his efforts on staring daggers at Ayub or melt into a puddle on the floor.
Luckily, Ayub didn’t do anything with the mischievous giddiness that was plastered all over his face, so Simon took a large swig of his Coke and hoped it would cool him down from the inside. It helped a little.
“So. Wilhelm,” Ayub said.
“Wille,” he corrected.
“Wille.” Ayub took it in his stride. “How do you and Felice know each other?”
A clearly fond expression spread across Wille’s face and Simon’s heart dropped a little. Had Simon read this wrong? Were Wille and Felice a thing?
“We met in pre-school,” Wille said. “We lost touch as kids, but she came back into my life when we were teenagers. I owe her everything. She’s my best friend.”
The panic must have shown on Simon’s face because Ayub glanced at him quickly before adding, “Best friend. As in… Are you guys, like…” He trailed off, and Simon held his breath as Wille frowned before his eyebrows shot up.
“Oh!” he exclaimed. “No. Not— We’re best friends. She’s my favourite person. But we’re not…” He also trailed off, throwing a nervous glance at Simon. It would be great if someone would finish their fucking sentence. Then Wille pulled in a shaky breath and directed his next words only to Simon. “We’re not… together or anything.”
“Oh,” Simon said, nodding his head and trying not to look too pleased. “Cool.”
Ayub muttered something under his breath and shook his head, but Simon could barely spare any thought to what Ayub was doing because all of his attention was focussed on Wille, on the intense look in his eyes, on the way he seemed to be trying to communicate something to Simon. And, oh, Simon really hoped he was trying to say what Simon thought he was trying to say.
“Right. Well. This has been fun,” Ayub said after too many seconds had passed. “I’m going to go and beat Henry at fake-Mario Kart. In a bit.”
And with a flourished bow, he exited the room, leaving Simon and Wille alone.
The silence stretched and almost… fizzed. Simon took a sip of his Coke for something to do. He felt jittery and the caffeine probably wasn’t helping, but if he just stayed staring at Wille there was a non-zero chance he would combust.
“So,” Wille said, taking a sip of his own drink.
“So.”
Fuck. This was so awkward. It hadn’t been awkward earlier, it had been really nice. And now, all of a sudden, the atmosphere had changed, and all Simon could think about was how much he wanted to kiss Wille.
Wille’s eyes dropped to Simon’s mouth. And that didn’t help at all. Or maybe it did. Maybe it was exactly the push he needed.
Simon took a step forward, then another one. Being caught in Wille’s gaze might have been one of his favourite things in the world, especially when, as Simon took one final step, Wille’s eyes widened ever so slightly just before Simon closed the remaining gap between them.
Wille’s lips were soft and sure and were kissing him back immediately. As if Simon needed any more proof that this thing was reciprocated, Wille’s hand came up to the back of his head immediately. Kissing Wille was so much better than it had been in all of his (many) daydreams about it. It was better than watching him across the library. It was better than the waiting and the hoping. It was better than—
“Do you guys mind?” someone said, tearing Simon out of his reverie.
Wille’s lips disappeared off his as he rushed out a quick, “Yeah, sure. Sorry,” as he stepped to the side. Simon would have mourned the loss a little more if Wille hadn’t reached out for his hand and then silently gestured out of the room with a nod of his head.
Simon didn’t even need to think twice before following Wille. Instead of heading towards the living room and the dance floor (and the sound of Henry and Ayub yelling something), Wille led them down a small hallway lined with doors. Just before Simon could get excited and nervous that Wille was about to lead him into a bedroom, Wille turned and instead pressed Simon gently against the wall.
“Is this okay?” he whispered.
It was dark, and Wille’s eyes gleamed in the low light. A slight frown between his eyebrows as he waited for Simon’s answer, warm body pressed against Simon’s own.
“Fuck, yes,” Simon replied, bringing up his arms to loop them around Wille’s neck.
“Good.” And then Wille leaned in again, this time with more purpose. And if the first kiss had been good, it was nothing compared to the second. Simon felt giddy thinking of all the ways in which he could hopefully catalogue all of Wille’s kisses. Unless this was just a party thing, in which case— But then Wille slipped his tongue into Simon’s mouth and he stopped thinking entirely.
That was until they got interrupted again, this time by Felice, who told Wille that he wasn’t allowed to hide Simon away for the entire evening. Simon would actually have been quite happy being hidden away with Wille for the whole evening. Maybe in one of those maybe-bedrooms behind the doors. But he went willingly when Wille tugged his hand towards the dance floor, he even agreed to dance. Ayub joined them at one point in a hilariously exuberant dance off with Henry. Rosh was flinging herself around in between shooting winks at Felice who giggled coyly and deflected Wille’s enquiring raised eyebrow.
At the end of the evening, as people began to slowly filter out of Felice’s apartment, Simon hung behind as Rosh and Ayub were saying their goodbyes. He was suddenly nervous that this had just been a party thing, and that maybe Wille would be expecting to go back to being mostly strangers tomorrow.
Luckily for him, Felice collared him after she’d given Rosh a long goodbye hug.
“Simon!” she cried. “Thanks for coming!”
“Thank you for having me,” Simon answered politely. Despite her seeming nice, he’d barely spent any time with her.
“No. Seriously. Thank you. Wille has been so insufferable for the last few months. I’m glad he finally got to spend some… er… quality time with you. And get your number so he doesn’t have to stress about chance library meetings.”
Simon tried not to let the idea of Wille being anxious about getting to see him at the library go to his head and instead said, “Er… he doesn’t have my number.”
“He doesn’t—” Felice whirled around just as Wille rounded the corner.
“I was going to ask!” Wille defended. “I swear! I was going to— Felice. Stop interfering.”
Felice scoffed but cupped Wille’s cheeks affectionately. “Fine,” she said. “I’ll leave you to it. But I really am glad you came, Simon.”
“Thanks.” He smiled as she gave him a last wave and wandered off.
Rosh and Ayub had opened the door and were trying to navigate themselves and a very drunk Henry through it. Simon chuckled to himself, partly in amusement, partly to distract himself from the way Wille was hovering just in front of him.
“So,” Wille said.
“Hmm?” Simon tried to not sound as eager as he was. It was ridiculous really, he would absolutely be willing to just throw his number at Wille. But now he knew that Wille wanted to ask…
“So… I, uh, I had a really good time tonight.”
Simon’s smile was genuine and wide as he nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “Me too.”
“And, uhm… I- I wondered if maybe you’d like to… go out some time? Next week maybe?”
Simon’s heart dropped. “I’m going home in two days. For the summer. I won’t be back until the new term.”
“Tomorrow then!” Wille exclaimed, looking panicked. Then he lowered his voice slightly to add, “Sorry. How about tomorrow then? I was trying to not come on too strong. People have said—”
“Tomorrow would be great,” Simon chucked, laying a gentle hand on Wille’s forearm. “Let me give you my number and you can text me.”
Wille smiled and Simon’s whole insides melted as he quickly tapped his number into Wille’s phone.
“Great,” Wille said as he took the phone back. “I’ll, uh, I’ll text you later.”
Then he leant forward and pressed a sweet kiss to Simon’s lips.
“Mm,” Simon hummed, keeping his eyes closed for a second longer. “Text me later.” Then he fluttered his eyelashes open. “Night, Wille.”
“Night, Simon.”
Another quick kiss and then, giggling, Simon stepped back and jogged to catch up with Rosh and Ayub. Not even a minute after the door to Felice’s building had closed behind him, his phone buzzed. With a smile, he took it out of his pocket.
Hey, Simon. It was really great to see you tonight. I hope you get home okay. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow. Wille <3 (aka Library Guy).