Work Text:
Title: If mad, distract!
Category: Hazbin Hotel
Rating: T
Pairing: Lucifer & Alastor Alastor & Alastor’s Mother Alastor’s Mother & Angel Dust
Summary: There is a conference going on at the hotel between Heaven and Hell at the hotel. Everyone is accounted for at the hotel, but there was one more special guest who was not invited to the conference but got lost anyway. Thankfully, they were able to find a kind young man who helped them find their way.
Author’s Note: I am NOT looking for anyone to do commission’s for me. I don’t need anyone to do a commission for me. I love interacting with people in the comments, but I will stop if people keep luring me into a conversation only to ask me for a commission. I do not like refusing people who have a vision in their heads because I don’t have the money to pay for them for the image they have. I feel very guilty so if people keep asking me for commission, I will stop interacting with the comments in general. I already have the comment moderation on because I have gotten random web links in the past from people that my phone did not trust. I do not like having it on but I do for everyone’s protection so please do not force me to take the fan interactions away as well. If some part of my story inspires you to draw a picture, then I’m so happy! If you want to give me credit for the inspiration then that is adorable sweet of you, but I will not pay you for the image. I write my stories for fun and because inspiration has struck me in some places, I do not get paid for them and I ask nothing in return except for you to enjoy the story.
~~Story Begins~~
An elderly woman laid in a hospital bed, her eyes were open but unseeing due to an injury her husband gave her. She had been cold for so many years since the fateful night she last heard from her son. She missed the warmth that he provided her in the sweet ways that he cared for before she went blind and even after she lost her sight.
She was the one who cut the warmth off on the last night that she heard from her son, the last thing that she had called him before receiving a visit from the local police telling her of her son’s death haunted her to this day.
“I’ll wait for you, mon ange,” she said to the empty hospital room. “No matter if it takes eternity, I’ll wait for you and you’ll be the first thing I see so I can see how handsome you’ve grown.”
~~
Angel Dust has had many experiences in his life both when he was alive and when he died and joined hell. He sold his soul to Valentino twice, he befriended the Princess of Hell somehow, became a spy unwillingly because of mind control, fought some angels that were two big for their britches, found love in an old grumpy bartender, AND even met the King of Hell.
None of that could ever prepare him for this tiny little angel that he was currently walking alongside the streets of hell who is currently holding his soul as captive. He took a quick glance at the tiny angel that was even shorter than the King of Hell.
She was wearing the white robes that he remembers Sir Pentious wearing during the live cast that proved redemption was possible, she had the whitest hair that had a yellow tint from the bright yellow glow of her halo that hovered above her head in between white antlers that had vines curled around it with yellow tiny flowers, her yellow ears flickered every direction as she took in the sounds. She had yellow fur that reminded Angel Dust of sunflowers when he was alive and her hands were soft, but firm.
Besides her ridiculously short height and ooooh boy, Angel Dust was hoping that Alastor was not going to be at the hotel because he was going to make fun of her for her height because if those two got into it like how Alastor and Lucifer did than there will be an actual war against Heaven and Hell and all of Charlie’s work would go to waste. The strangest thing about this angel was that she had a white blindfold over her eyes.
Angel Dust really REALLY wanted to ask her about the blindfold but she was still going off about Valentino that every so -
“Whoa, whoa,” Angel Dust said gently tugging on his hand this angel was holding onto as she tried to turn back around to go revisit Voxteck so she could continue giving that moth man a piece of her mind. “C’mon sweetheart, the hotel is this way. I’m sure the angels are looking for you.”
“Pah!” the tiny angel said in response. “The angels are a boring bunch and full of hypocritics. The only angel that I care about is St. Peter and that’s because he’s like my adopted son at this point. He’s my sassy Queen and a hidden treasure.”
“Doesn’t he just watch the door to heaven and greet those coming in?” Angel Dust said. “I’m not going to lie, I never read the Bible much when I was alive.”
“Yes, that’s St. Peter. He brought a bench outside of the gates for me to sit on and everyday we both just sit outside those gates and chat. Most of the time we just mock those coming in who have that ‘I am superior’ attitude,” the angel said. “We get a laugh each time St. Peter denies them and sends them to Purgatory so they can have an attitude adjustment.”
“Aren’t you already an angel? Why are you waiting outside the gates?”
“Because…I’m waiting for someone and I don’t belong in heaven,” the angel said. “Not after the last thing I said to someone who I love and cherish before I lost contact with them. That was also before I knew the truth of what he was doing. The whole truth.”
“Are they still alive?”
“...no. They died way before I did and I was wrong about them so I was hoping they would be in heaven, but I should have known better,” the angel said with a laugh. “I know them better than anyone and I could tell you that he would take one look inside heaven and just ask for the quickest way to get to Hell.”
“Why?”
Angel watched as the angel smiled. “He doesn’t know that I know and I’m sure the Devil has better things to do than listen to us when we are alive, but he promised to himself that he will be the Devil’s friend. All because no one was able to answer the question if the reason why the Devil got banished was because all of the other angels were jealous,” she said. “He was an absolute delight asking questions about the Bible which made people think but he tended to mostly focus on Lucifer instead of any other important people.”
Then the angel’s smile disappeared and was replaced by her glowering look at Angel Dust has seen most of the time. “The Devil had better be treating him correctly and understanding how lucky he is that he has someone in his corner to defend his back with zero questions asked. If I find out that the devil has -”
‘Maybe this angel going against Lucifer would start another war and not this angel and Alastor,’ Angel Dust thought as he experienced again the anger and vitriol this angel was expressing again.
Angel Dust wasn’t going to complain. This angel single-handly had Vox pressured Valentino into signing over his soul contract to her without even knowing about it, because she terrorized Valentino and Velvette so much that he was still on his knees when Angel Dust quickly left the Vee Tower with the angel in tow who was still yelling at Valentino over his lack of respect and attitude. She already gave her piece of mind to Velvette over how dare such a beautiful young lady give into the demands of the whole ‘perfect beauty image in media’ stereotypes and that she should be embracing everyone’s flaws.
Vox took one look at the angel who he was ready to come to their defense turned around and left. He came back five minutes later with Angel Dust’s contract and basically told her that Angel Dust knows where to take her and that he would help her find this person. Valentino tried to argue but the angel just had a grip on the lapels of Valentino's jacket and pulled him all the way down to her eye level so she wouldn’t have to keep hovering in the air.
“She has that stupid blindfold over her eyes but I felt it Voxy! That was the most terrifying ‘disappointed Mami’ look I’ve ever received. How? She’s not even my mother! I don’t even know who that bitch is! Why did her disappointing look affect me so much? ”
“Vox! Do you know her? How do you know her? What are you not telling us again?”
Yeah, Angel Dust understands Valentino’s plight because he kept using his upper two hands to rub his arms as he still felt the side effects from that look and -
“Whoa whoa,” Angel Dust said, tugging the angel back forward. “We do not need to go back to the Vee Tower. We are almost at the hotel where I’m sure the angels, Charlie, and the residents there are trying to come up with a search party for you.”
“Pah to the angels!” the angel said again. “Honestly, I hope that this Sera lady is there because I have some serious questions for her over what determines a soul to be an angel or a sinner. I mean, the Bible I used to live and breathe by that book but I never expected Adam, the first man, have you met him? If not, then consider yourself lucky because that man makes my good for nothing abusive drunk cheating arsehole husband look like a saint. It was my husband who made me go blind so if Adam is able to make HIM look like a saint then what is going on with Heaven’s standards! Honestly, why if Adam was my son I would be boxing his ears in and shoving soap in his mouth.”
Angel Dust let out a sigh. At least he knows that whenever she tries to go back to the Vee’s he just has to mention angels.
“I have actually,” Angel Dust said while the angel herself took a breath. “My friends and I fought him at the last extermination. He killed one of them, Sir Pentious, and-”
“Oh the snake that caused the commotion in heaven. Over-paranoid angels, pah. They thought they could put heaven on lock-down because a Sinner got redeemed but that didn’t stop me! I went straight back to my little bench and I waited. Then they all freaked out because -”
They approached the hotel and Angel Dust calmly opened the door because he did not want to hype himself up over this. Not when the angel was completely distracted and he could maybe rest a little bit.
“Angie? Is that you?” Cherri Bomb asked, completely confused but the emotions were there. “Are you back?”
“Maria?” another voice belonging to a very tall angel that was a pale blue color with brown skin. She looked a lot like Emily but only taller and more powerful. “Maria, how did you get down here? You’re not allowed to be down here!”
“Who is talking to me right now?” the angel, Maria, asked her walking companion.
“I believe that is Sera. You know, the angel who you had questions for,” Angel Dust said.
“Sera,” Lucifer said in a firm voice stepping over with narrowed eyes and oh boy this is not going to end well. “Why does this angel have a soul contract?”
“She has a what?” Sera said in a near screech. “She shouldn’t even have that.”
“Maria! Maria!” a skinny angel with perfect yellow hair flew straight to the little angel. “Oh my goodness Maria, are you okay? How did you get down here? Did anybody even know you left Heaven?”
“Enough, Peter, I’m the one asking the questions here now,” the angel said.
“Oh no,” Angel Dust mumbled.
They watched as the little angel patted Peter on his shoulder as he moved out of her way.
“St. Peter?” Angel Dust asked quietly which the angel nodded. “Listen, she cannot get King Lucifer or the Radio Demon mad. It will undue all of Charlie’s hard work.”
“She’s a little fireball isn’t she?” St. Peter said with a bright sunshine smile. “I absolutely love her!”
“I have some serious questions for you and I expect you to have some actual answers for me and not some of your indecisive ‘I don’t know, it’s never been done beforehand’ vague answers lady,” Maria said.
“I believe I should be the one asking the questions,” Sera said, trying to sound stern.
“PAH!” Maria said. “All the questions you ask are pointless and idiotic because you refuse to think for yourself. Honestly, you’re like a sheep to the slaughter! ‘I couldn’t take that risk’, ‘they brought up enough evidence to make me worry about safety,’ ‘it has never been done before so it cannot happen’. Do you not have a brain to think for yourself or about other options? How did you even get to be an angel of leadership when you have zero skills in the field?”
“Maria, maybe you -”
“I AM TALKING RIGHT NOW!” Maria shouted, causing Emily who tried to intervene to pull back in surprise. “No one will interrupt me while I am busy talking and getting answers because this whole ‘Hell is uprising and we must defend ourselves’ and ‘Hell has attacked us so now we must make sure the punishment in Hell is stricter’. PAH! What bologna do you think was going to happen after seven years of mass genocide all because there is a population crisis in Hell? Of course, the people are going to retaliate! Of course they are going to direct their anger upon Heaven.”
Lucifer blinked. He looked around at the group before pointing his apple cane at the yellow deer angel. “Who is this angel and why hasn’t she been present all the other times? Can I keep her?”
“Dad!” Charlie said, gripping her hair with a worried look on her face.
“Charlie, she’s bringing up good points that really should have been addressed a long time ago,” Lucifer said.
“Sera!” Angel Dust said quickly as Maria’s rant about how history has shown before that if someone is trying to oppose a whole group of people that eventually they will riot and start to go back into Valentino’s and Velvette’s treatment and she started to turn around to leave and head back to the tower.
“SERA!” Maria said, spinning back in the direction she was facing earlier but now facing Abel instead who looked absolutely terrified. “Who presented all the evidence that caused you to start this “extermination process”? Oh, right! It was ADAM of all the entitled people! What made you think it was a good idea to listen to him? No one in Heaven actually liked him except for his side piece. Honestly, has it ever occurred to you that maybe just MAYBE the reason why Hell -”
St. Peter flew over to Maria.
“You had better not be moving me away from my spot!” Maria shouted.
“No, ma’am,” Peter said with the brightest smile on his face. “I’m just directing your attention to Sera instead of Abel.”
“Oh! Sorry about that dear,” Maria said before Peter gently grabbed her shoulders and guided Maria to be looking at Sera. “Did it ever occur to you that the reason why Hell is overpopulating is because Heaven is absolutely refusing to change with the times? I can give you a couple of instances where Heaven is absolutely in the wrong!”
“Heaven is absolute!” Sera said back, her wings fluffing up in anger. “I should strike you down where you -”
“SEX! Oh God, do I have questions to ask you about that!” Maria said back not bothered by Sera. “It was obvious that Adam wasn’t staying true to his vows over Eve and if he still has that same entitled attitude with her than it did when I met him then it’s obvious that he broke some of the Ten Commandments. Now what about your precious church leaders hmmm? History has proven that during the Renaissance Era of human history, the church leaders were filled with greed. I believe that greed is one of the seven deadly sins, and yet they can flounce around Heaven like they have the right to be there!”
“Oookay then,” Charlie said. “Maybe we should -”
“Angel, here,” Husk said, giving Angel a small glass with pink liquid. “It’s one of your ‘Harder Daddy’ drinks. I have a feeling we are going to be here for a while. It’s good to have your back.”
“Thanks Husk!” Angel said with a weary smile before both of their attention were drawn to Niffty who was on the second floor looking through the stairway bannister. Her one eye widened in surprise and looked like she was about ready to cry before she ran away from the scene and further into the hotel. “What was that about?”
“I don’t know,” Husk said with a frown.
“-children!” Maria said continuing her rant. “What about them? I’ve kept in touch with a lot of children who lost their innocence to priests around New Orleans until I passed away and I know for a fact that a lot of them have outlived me. I haven’t heard them enter heaven, in fact, St. Peter denies them because they had sex when they were just mere children!”
A shadow appeared behind Maria and Alastor appeared from it.
“Smiles no,” Angel Dust said fearing the worst.
“Bellhop, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Lucifer shouted.
They both reacted too late as Alastor vanished his microphone into the shadows before grabbing Maria’s tiny waist and picking her up like she weighed nothing, which Angel can totally believe with how tiny she was.
“Put her down,” Vaggi said, grabbing her spear which Alastor just ignored and walked up the stairs carrying Maria who was still acting like she was questioning Sera.
“Don’t you worry!” Peter said with a smile that outrivaled Emily’s usual smile. “I’ll follow them to make sure nothing happens to Maria.” He flew over to Angel Dust and grabbed one of his hands. “C’mon let’s go!”
“Wait wait,” Angel Dust said as he got dragged along by the gatekeeper of Heaven.
“I - I think we all need a break right now,” Charlie said with a nervous chuckle.
“Actually, Sera,” Emily said. “I would like to hear those answers that she was asking for because if what Maria is saying is correct, then that means Heaven isn’t perfect either!”
“There is quite a few things that I take pride in,” Lucifer said sternly, “being the embodiment of Pride and all that, but one of the few things that I took pride in is that children under the age of whatever the age people say considers general adult is when they are alive. Have you literally been sending innocent children to hell for being victims of adults?”
“She always seemed like a nice sweet lady,” Abel said shaking, “but I would much rather fight Lute than deal with an angry Maria again.”
Meanwhile, Angel Dust walked behind Alastor who was still carrying Maria by her waist holding her forward like she was still talking to Sera. Maria was still ranting but it was being directed towards Valentino again. Niffty keeping up with Alastor and walking in between his feet much like Keekee does to Charlie.
“-need to show them respect! They may work for you and they may just be seen as objects of sexual nature to those who watch those types of entertainment, but they are still people! You do not get to just - “
Angel Dust quickly got distracted by St. Peter who let out a tiny gasp of pure excitement and clapped his hands quietly together.
“What’s got you so excited?” Angel Dust asked quietly. “If it’s about the cuteness Niffty has with Smiles then you get used to it or keep it to yourself because he does not like being cute.”
Angel Dust dodged the little flick that Alastor’s shadow tried to inflict upon him.
“I didn’t call him cute, chill out!” Angel Dust said with a frown. “I already got enough going on!”
“Look at her feet!” Peter said.
Angel Dust looked over and he just had to stop walking and let his mouth drop open in surprise. Every step that Alastor took, Maria was taking a step in the air as Alastor held her. It was like watching those animal videos where someone would be holding onto their dog and with every step the person took the dog was moving their paws like they were also walking on the ground instead of being carried. Then it was even stranger that once Maria started to take her walking steps, Alastor matched her stride. He was no longer taking his long strides that his legs allowed him, but the strides that Maria’s short body would take instead.
“Fuck it, if I get attacked, I get attacked but that is literally the cutest shit I’ve seen since I’ve laid eyes on Husk being soft with Fat Nuggets,” Angel Dust said.
“I know right! I didn’t believe her when she told me that this was something that she did when she was alive, but I am so glad I got to see it in person!” Peter said.
“Are you ever going to turn me around so I can finally take this stupid blindfold off and have my son be the first thing I see since my sight returned upon my death?” Maria said, breaking the mood.
The radio static screeched slightly, but the group just kept on walking.
“If memory recall, I believe you no longer have a son,” Alastor said quietly.
“Alastor, you worked as soon as you were eight to help me buy groceries by kindly offering your services to help ladies, especially elderly ladies, on carrying their purchases to their homes without payment, but they still tipped you because of either your personality, your company, or just for being a kind soul. They didn’t always tip you with money, but if it was food or an article of clothing that they had knitted then you gave it to me for me to have. Once you turned fourteen, you worked part-time at a butcher shop which, you know with you being a serial killer that was possibly how you learned how to cleanly cut a human anyway I’m getting side-tracked.”
“She’s just now noticing that she’s getting side-tracked? She’s been getting side-tracked a lot today,” Angel Dust mumbled. "Wait! That's Smiles mother!?"
“Now look at who is being sidetracked. You obviously haven’t tried to talk smack with her about someone,” Peter said. “It’s a wonderful pastime activity.”
“Aren’t you like a saint or something? One of the apostles who helped write the Bible?” Angel Dust said.
“I’ve been credited with a few books, but nope,” Peter said. “Writing didn’t come easily to me unlike public speaking and selling people products.”
“Products?” Angel Dust said.
“Who do you think coined the phrase, ‘Have you heard the good word of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ?’ or “Can I help you purchase your vehicle extended car warranty?”
Angel Dust couldn’t help but chuckle. “You’re a little terror! You’ll fit right in here!”
“Hey, if I can verbally bully someone I’m down with it,” Peter said with a shrug. “It’s so tiring being so nice and everyone’s ‘most hated guy’ in heaven for 350 years in a row.”
“-donated so much time and food to orphanages that were struggling with the leftover butcher meat that was about to go bad,” Maria said but Alastor had sat her on the ground as they kept walking but she had his wrist wrapped around her arm. “I didn’t know the truth of the matter behind your serial killing spree but those that did never once outed you to the police even when I passed away, your crimes were still unsolved. So, you’re wrong Alastor.”
They stopped and Angel Dust and Peter watched from behind them while Niffty held onto Alastor’s leg, her eye going back and forth like crazy.
“I told myself all throughout my life that I would live with no regrets in my heart when it came time for me to meet St. Peter at the gates,” Maria said. “However, upon having you in my life I have many regrets.”
Alastor flinched and his ears went down a little.
“I regret not being strong enough to leave your father when he started to turn his abuse towards you. I regret that the reason why we had finally escaped your father was because you had killed him after he caused me to lose my sight when you were only seven. I regret that I couldn’t see how handsome you would grow as the years passed by or that I couldn’t keep you as a child any longer because I could no longer work. I regret that you gave up all of your paychecks to make sure that I was well fed, had a roof over my head, and could afford the best medicine at the time. My regret not being able to see how gentle of a soul you was to the struggling families as you donated the leftover butcher meat to them, or how jealous the ladies in the area were when they saw us walking together and how if something made me angry you would let me go off on the person for a while before picking me up like you did and just walking away,” Maria said moving her arm away from his wrist as she guided herself to stand in front of Alastor with her hand in his and held out her other hand which he placed his other hand in.
She stood there waiting for him until eventually Alastor bent all the way down so he was at her eye-level and then her hands moved to hold onto his face.
“My biggest regret was that the night you were murdered, the last thing I had told you was that you were no longer a son of mine, but a monster,” Maria said. “You were never a monster, Alastor. You were my precious treasure and I regret not telling you that I loved you that night.”
Alastor looked down at Niffty and it was like they were having one of their usual silent conversations and Niffty nodded.
“Mama, someone who I trust is going to climb on you to take the blindfold off, is that okay?” Alastor asked.
“That’s fine,” Maria said. “I’m surprised you didn’t want to ask one of the two people who have been following us. Peter is such a sweetheart and the other one guided me here because some guy named Vox knew exactly that I was looking for you.”
Alastor's eyes looked over at Angel Dust who wrapped his arms tighter around himself.
“I’ll explain later Smiles,” Angel Dust said.
Niffty had scurried up Maria and rested on her shoulder as she undid the blindfold. The blindfold started to fall when Niffty jumped onto Alastor’s shoulder and went in between his antlers on his head.
Maria’s eyes opened and they were the warmest yellow that looked so kind and filled with love. “There’s my mon ange,” she said, quickly blinking away the tears. She took a small step back and frowned. “Stand up straight, Alastor. Let me see how tall you are!”
“Will you be able to see me at your short height?” Alastor said, teasing her as he stood up to his full height, the shadows enclosing around his hands providing him with his microphone which he held in his hands.
“Oh shush you,” Maria said with a smile. “I have zero problems looking up to my son especially since I trained him well to know when to respect his mother and ladies. Oh my goodness gravy,” she said as she looked up. “I always knew you were tall, but you are so handsome. Hell is so lucky to have you here.”
“I am lucky to be here,” Alastor said. “Hell is so entertaining.”
“I’m sure it is,” Maria said. She finally caught onto the sight of Niffty in between Alastor’s antlers. “Alastor is that…”
“Ah. Yes, that would be Natalie or in Hell she took the name Niffty,” Alastor said.
“Mommy?” Niffty said.
“Wait! You two are siblings?” Angel Dust said as Niffty jumped into Maria’s arms, both of them crying.
“Not exactly,” Alastor said. “Niffty ran into the butcher shop where I worked at and hid behind the counter where I was standing. The poor dear was trembling so hard why I thought it was freezing outside instead of being one of the hottest days I’ve experienced in Louisana. Her sweet old dad came in looking for her. Of course, I wasn’t going to turn her over back to her dad considering the events and come to find out that he had sold her off to some man five times her age for a lot of money.”
Canned laughter played as the lights dimmed and flickered while his eyes turned into the radio dials.
“Both men provided excellent meat to the alligators living in the deep bayou and the shadows enjoyed prolonging their suffering on the other side,” Alastor said before going back to normal.
“That was so cool!” Peter said.
“That was terrifying! He’s even more terrifying when he’s going into his eldritch form,” Angel Dust said.
“She kept visiting Alastor at work and eventually followed him home where I met her and I just instantly fell in love with the adorable young woman,” Maria said, nuzzling her face against Niffty’s own face. “So I just claimed her as one of my children much like I did with you Peter.”
Alastor spun his microphone around. “It put my mind at ease knowing that there was someone at home with Maman to help take care of her,” Alastor said. “So, after two months of her staying with us, I started to consider her as my little sister.”
“That’s so adorable!” Peter said.
“So, what’s this about Vox being near my mother?” Alastor said, putting his microphone back down onto the phone.
“Valentino, he was in a mood like he has been lately,” Angel Dust said. “He’s always in an abusive and high in demand mood whenever he isn’t getting his way and Velvette has purposely been cock-blocking-”
Alastor’s ears flattered at the term but didn’t interrupt.
“Valentino and Vox while Vox has been denying Val any attention because Vox isn’t happy that Val took over Voxteck. So Val’s workers, mostly me, deal with his abuse, and this angel here just waltzes around and comes to my defense. She started giving Val a good lashing and just overtalked him, Velvette tried to get involved but then she started to give Vel a good talking too as well. Vox must have received an SOS message which is the only time that he’s allowed to be on any of the studio floors right now - he’s actually not allowed to do any work unless Vel and Val approve of it and make sure he stays to the script - takes look at Velvette who is trying not to cause a heavenly incident since they are trying to make the company look good again and Valentino who is being held at her eye level by the lapels of his coat by her.”
“Hehehe, the only way to survive Mommy’s anger is by Alastor unless the anger is directed to Alastor,” Niffty said sitting on Maria’s shoulder. “Then he has to sit on the floor and take it like the bad boy he is or else he gets hit with a wooden spoon until he distracts her with Susan.”
“Ugh!” Alastor and Maria said in unison with their ears going down against their head. “Susan.”
“Who’s Susan?” Peter asked.
“An ornery old bitch,” the two deer said again in unison.
“Well, at least she was when she was alive. I doubt her attitude changed in death,” Maria said.
“She got worse,” Alastor said with a growl. “She’s practically the only downside of Cannibal Town and even then the people there want her double dead.”
“And you haven’t done that yet?” Angel Dusk asked.
“Her son met me at the butcher shop, told me I could become a radio host if I could fix some of the radios at his radio tower in the afternoon since it seemed like no one else could, which I did within two hours. Her granddaughter liked my voice and charisma, how ladies swoon over me to where she offered me a job at her mama’s speakeasy as a bartender, then eventually live entertainment when the original band couldn’t show up,” Alastor said.
“Ugh! Mimzy is always using you to clean up her own acts,” Maria said with a frown. “Honestly that girl would have been caught by the police or the loan sharks that always seem to follow her if it wasn’t for you being her bodyguard.”
“I can’t be too mad at Mimzy since we have a deal here in Hell,” Alastor said with a gentle hum. “Whenever she gets in too much trouble, she comes by and sees me as a last resort providing me with fresh dinner and a reminder to Hell as to why I should be the most feared Sinner of them all. However, please continue Angel Dust.”
“Isn’t Mimzy that one- you know what - nevermind. Well Vox leaves for like five minutes, comes back with my soul contract and just forces it onto Maria giving her my soul contract and voiding whatever contract I had with Val telling her that I would know where to go.”
“Ah. So he did pay attention when I told him about my Maman’s anger when he asked what is the one thing I was afraid of,” Alastor said. “It’s laughable that he honestly thought I was exaggerating because he wouldn’t believe me that I was so much taller than her.”
“He did seem to have a spark of recognition in his eyes upon seeing her,” Angel Dust said.
“Oh! We should totally get back to the others,” Peter said. “I know some of them were worried about you once Alastor picked you up and just walked away.”
“Hold on, dang it, I should have paid more attention to Papa when he tried to teach me and-” Maria said.
Two seconds later the whole building shook while the chain around Angel’s neck appeared in a beautiful silver and the color of the chain slowly turned into a familiar green chain with shadow overtones.
“There we go,” Maria said like nothing had happened. “Alastor now has your soul contract and I know he will protect you.”
“WHO THE FUCK MADE A DEAL?” Vaggi could be heard screaming. “DAMNIT ALASTOR!”
“OH!” Alastor said with cheerfulness. “Now this should be entertaining! We must join the others to see what chaos this brought to the hotel.”
“What the fuck?!” Angel Dust said. “How the fuck did that happen?”
“Don’t worry, we’ll discuss the finer points of your contract with me later,” Alastor said, picking Maria up again and sitting her on his shoulder. “We do need to get back to the others before they come barging their way up. No sense in you having to walk back to the others Mamam, your feet must be sore.”
“No wonder the ladies were always jealous of your Maria,” Peter said, crossing his arms. “I’m jealous and I’ve been hovering this whole time.”
“I raised my son right,” Maria said, puffing her chest out a little with pride while Niffty ran down the hallway laughing in delight.
“No seriously, how the fuck did you do that?” Angel Dust said. “That is scary! Like-”
“Don’t worry about it, Ducky,” Maria said. “I just transferred your soul contract over to Alastor. It's a fundamental skill when dealing with the other side.”
“A fundamental skill?” Angel Dust said, still freaking out as he followed.
“My grandfather was one of the best shadowmen around when we were alive,” Alastor said. “In fact, it’s because of him that Louisiana residents started to warn tourists to never mess with the shadow man. Of course, they weren’t safe from me either and I knew how to make deals and break deals in a way that the shadows loved.”
Alastor’s shadow rose onto the wall with a bright smile.
“I may have also fed them some of my victims and allowed them free reign to provide others with nightmares for no reason,” Alastor said. “I think I have a highly cherished and respected friendship with my shadow friends on the other side.”
“Alastor absolutely loved learning everything and anything about the occult just as much as he did with radios,” Maria said. “Anyway, Ducky, you must absolutely introduce me to those who are in this hotel. It already has my sweet Deerling and my chaotic Hurricane. Also Peter, my sassy Queen, I hate to leave you, but Hell is where I’m going to stay. I have my Deerling, my Hurricane, and now a Ducky.”
“I understand,” Peter said. “Write me letters to keep me entertained please?”
“Why of course!” Maria said, “I wouldn’t leave my sassy Queen alone since he can’t really be sassy in Heaven and if they try to tell you that you aren’t doing a good job of being a gate greeter then send me to them and I’ll give them a piece of my mind.”
They appeared in the hotel lobby and everyone there just stared in disbelief at the scene of Maria sitting on Alastor’s shoulder quite comfortably like this was something that she was used to and had complete trust in Alastor not letting her fall. Maria took in the sights of everyone that she never saw before.
“Okay,” Maria said, clapping her hands together. “Everyone put away your swords, spears, and horns. What happened is that I gave Anthony's, previously known as Angel Dust and now my crafty Ducky, soul contract over to Alastor without any prompting, encouragement, deal-making, all that jargon. I was able to do that due to it being a fundamental skill that is essential in both voodoo and hoodoo which is how my parents and my grandparents, and their parents before them all made a living. I know you all have questions, trust me I have questions as well but I doubt I’ll get any answers and yes Sera, I’m looking at you. I believe I stated before and I’ll state it again that as of right now, I will be the one to ask the questions.”
“Do you not know how the process works?” Sera said her wings were getting fluffed up. “I am-”
“I don’t care,” Maria said. “You may be a seraphim, but I have dealt with people who feel like they are more entitled than me because of your birth, the color of your skin, or the fact that you can see. I give my respect to authority who actually cares about everyone equally and you Sera do not and never will have that. Now the important question, what is the fastest way I can become a fallen winner, angel, whatever so I can stay here in Hell?”
“What?” Everyone said.
“Why would you want to leave Heaven?” Emily asked. “Heaven is peaceful and perfect and-”
“It’s boring because it is perfect,” Maria said. “I can’t make any food from the heart because Heaven just automatically changes it to be perfect instead of imperfect. That’s a crime right there. How can I make my soul food if Heaven takes away the soul in it? So, hell. How do I stay?”
“I would prefer it if you can also tell us the safest way,” Alastor said.
“PAH! What’s the point of life or the afterlife if you stay safe,” Maria said. “Let me live, Alastor!”
“But-”
“Nothing could be more painful than being told that your son was murdered the very next morning after having the last word you said to him was calling him a monster,” Maria said, causing Alastor to flinch. “So if the fastest way to stay in Hell to be with you, Niffty, and Anthony happens to be painful, then so be it. I’ll live through it with a smile on my face.”
Niffty let out a loud squeal and climbed up Alastor to sit on Maria’s lap and hug her tightly which Maria returned. “Mom is staying with us! Can you stay at the hotel? Please please please! I can show you my bug collection and I made Alastor King Roach!”
“Mom?” most of the hotel staff questioned.
“The only ways we know is by shoving you off of Heaven’s clouds or ripping your angel wings off,” Abel said. “It’s not pleasant either way.”
“Abel!” Sera and Emily said.
“What?” Abel said. “She asked, I’m answering because we already saw she’s a force to be reckoned with and this is an answer in which we can provide! Do you honestly think I don’t know how King Lucifer or the other Deadly Sins were sent out of Heaven? We have Carmilla, Odette, Clara, and Vaggi as fallen angels as well! This is not a new thing that we have yet to discover but it’s something in which Heaven has kept hidden because ‘oh no, Sinners can’t be redeemed because Hell is forever but let’s keep the fact that once someone goes against the status quo of Heaven they have to be punished except for Adam because he was the first man’. It’s bullshit.”
“Someone who has sense!” Maria said. “You keep him Peter, he needs a sassy best friend like you to make him laugh on tough days!”
“I’ve been doing my best since I joined Heaven,” Peter said, flying to hover next to Abel.
“Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t just try to jump down sooner,” Abel said.
“And leave my sassy Queen alone so soon? PAH!” Maria said. “Besides, I had to make sure that Susan was down here so I can provide Peter with updates over my thoughts on Susan. That annoying old bitch thought she could get away from me! HA! Wait until I see her ugly old face again.”
“Introductions!” Angel Dust said before they could get distracted.
“You’re learning fast,” Alastor said with a chuckle.
“I walked all the way from Vee Tower to here with her trying to turn around to go back to Vee Tower,” Angel Dust said. “My feet are killing me and I just want to sleep.”
“Well then, I do believe Niffty has to get two permanent resident rooms ready,” Alastor said.
“Only one Sir!” Niffty said. “I kept Angel Dust’s room spotless!”
“I want none of the heavenly angels' introductions either,” Maria said. “Only those that are important to the hotel."
“You have been introduced to Anthony who I believe will be a great Public Relations Manager for the Hotel which means that a certain someone will no longer be doing impromptu interviews or anything without going through him,” Alastor said. “In fact, I’m surprised you weren’t offered the job in the first place.”
“What?” Angel Dust said.
“Niffty is our little housekeeper and pest control while we have our newest resident and scientist, Baxter,” Alastor said motioning to Baxter with his staff. “He’s trying to figure out how the redemptions works.”
“Someone who is looking to actually provide answers,” Maria said glaring at Sera. “I wonder why Heaven didn’t think of that.”
“Over by the bar we have one of Anthony’s friends and explosive expert, Cherri Bomb. She’s a resident at the hotel as well. Behind the bar is our bartender and one of my soul contracts, Husker, but he prefers being called Husk,” Alastor said.
“So he’s going to be one of my children now,” Maria said with a warm smile.
“I’m a grown man!” Husk said.
“Ooo, I like him,” Maria said, kicking her feet against Alastor’s shoulder in delight.
“Don’t tell Mimzy this but he does make better cocktails than her, it’s one of the many reasons why I keep him around, plus doesn’t he just light the place up with his presence,” Alastor said.
“Shut the fuck up, Alastor,” Husk said.
“Awww, don’t worry Lucky Shark,” Maria said. “I’ll tell you all the embarrassing stories that Alastor had when we were alive. You just need to read in between his lines, but he cares for you. His father wouldn’t allow him to have any friends or people who he could trust when he was alive and unfortunately it was something that just stuck with my sweet Deerling.”
“Over here we have our front end hotel manager and a former exorcist angel before she fell, Vaggi,” Alastor said.
Vaggi crossed her arms and glared at Alastor. Alastor just shrugged, but Maria glared back.
“Get that look off your face or it will get stuck like that,” Maria said.
“I’m sorry Ma’am.” Vaggi said, “but this hotel is about redeeming people and you want to fall for him.”
“Are you trying to take away my free will?” Maria said back. “Are you trying to tell me how to live my life? That I am not allowed to make my decisions? PAH! You are just like all the other angels in Heaven trying to tell me how to live my life like you know any better! Why, it’s almost like I was still alive where just because I am a FEMALE and of colored skin I must not know how to live!”
“I-I no! That’s not-” Vaggi said.
“My SON is here! My not adopted but I lay claim to her as my DAUGHTER is here! I have just gained two more SONS that are here! What right do you as not even a fallen angel, but as a being with soul try and take my choice away from being with those who I consider family away,” Maria said. “Pah, I say to your opinions! PAH!”
“She’s an acquired taste, but she means well,” Alastor said. “She’s quite fun to get riled up through and she’s the lovely and protective girlfriend of our very own Princess of Hell Charlotte Morningstar, but prefers being called Charlie. She’s the one who has brought all of us together to help Sinners get redeemed.”
“At least someone is trying, but I know you Alastor, you would have hated Heaven on the first glance of it especially since you had a very specific goal in your afterlife. So why did you come to the Hotel?” Maria said.
“The entertainment of it,” Alastor said.
“HI!” Charlie said, waving excitedly. “Alastor has made some of your dishes and they are so tasty! I honestly cannot wait to get to know you more and to hear stories about Alastor when he was a mortal. We just have to worry about the meat he uses because he’s well uh-”
“A cannibal? Sweetie, I knew that on the night I buried him in the Bayou,” Marie said.
“What do you mean?” Vaggi said.
“Susan was a cannibal and she bragged to me about how she made Alastor into a cannibal all because she tormented him by bragging that her food was naturally better because it was fixed by a woman and not some mama’s boy,” Maria said.
Alastor put his nose up in the air in disgust. “She dared to claim that her food was better than my mother’s recipes that she was teaching me so naturally I had to try it so I knew what to do to prove her wrong.”
“Wait, so you didn’t eat your victims on purpose?” Cherri Bomb asked.
“No,” Alastor said. “The victims that they claim I ate while I was alive are the ones that I fed to the shadows which made it seem like I was eating them or Susan would pay me good money for some fresh meat.”
“Well? Did you?” Peter asked. “Prove Susan wrong, I wrong.”
“Of course I did,” Alastor said. “I replaced the human meat with venison and let the meat marinate in a sauce for a day instead of half a day. I also used some of a soda pop in the sauce to give it more of a sweet flavor to counteract the amount of spices I used. She had no choice but to submit defeat.”
“Good! We need to defend Maria’s pride!” Peter said. “No one messes with her on our watch!”
Maria laughed. “When I see Susan after we start writing letters Queen, I will definitely relate to Susan over what you said about her,” she said. “Now, who’s the guy with the hat that’s taller than him?”
“Excuse me!” Lucifer said.
“Ah, well spotted Mom, he’s so short that I was afraid you would miss him,” Alastor said, playing canned laughter. “Anyway, he’s our beloved King of Hell. Lucifer Morningstar himself.”
“He’s so short! I expected him to be a lot bigger in person and more of a threatening person than this,” Maria said.
“I’m taller than you,” Lucifer said.
“Do you still want to keep her?” Sera asked.
“Oh, I’m sorry, did I just hear a blue mouse speak? Dreadful creatures, really,” Maria said, getting Sera mad all over again. “You might want to see if you can get some pest control in Heaven, Emily. Oh, why I just had a brilliant idea. You should totally do a Heaven extermination for seven years.”
“No! Nonono! We can’t-”
“Pah! Of course we can!” Maria said, waving her hand in a dismissive way. “Sir Pentious knows how to defend himself but even then Sir Pentious, Abel, Emily, and Peter can stay at the Hotel during the exterminations.”
“We are leaving,” Sera said as a portal opened which the angels went through. “We will continue this discussion at a later date.”
“Good riddance! When you come back, I’ll still be here with more questions,” Maria said as her wings started to burst into flames, but she ignored them.
“I sense this is where you get your disrespect from, huh Alberto,” Lucifer said.
Maria laughed. “Oh my goodness gravy Alastor, I absolutely love him! Please tell me you two are best friends just like you said you would be.”
“Absolutely not!” Lucifer said.
“We are nothing more than rivals,” Alastor said at the same time with his ears pinned down flat against his head.
“Pish posh Alastor,” Marie said, patting his head in which Alastor grabbed her waist and lifted her off of his shoulder and onto the ground. “I know my son. One of the first things you did when you got to Hell was find your father and kill him again so in case I arrived here, I wouldn’t have to worry about him. I know that emotional scars are hard to overcome even if the threat is gone, but you are allowed to have friends, Alastor.”
Maria walked right in front of Lucifer and looked up at him with a bright smile that almost rivaled Charlie’s smile. He then found himself in her arms as she just gave him the world’s tightest hug the King of Hell has ever received.
“I’m absolutely delighted to meet you. Alastor had been obsessed with you as soon as he could read and think for himself,” Maria said, making sure not to hurt anyone with her wings. “He drove the clergy of the church and teachers mad with his questions over the Bible because his questions focused on you. Why, he got so fed up with them not knowing the answers that his eight year old self said that he would do whatever it takes to get into Hell and do whatever it takes to be your friend.”
Radios screeched everywhere.
“Huh? Wait? What?” Lucifer asked as Maria pulled away to frown at Alastor.
“Don’t give me that Alastor,” Maria said. “I am your mother! Of course I know about the little pep talks you had to yourself in the middle of the night. Honestly, the only story I remember from memory from the Bible was the fall of Samael and the rise of Lucifer because that was your favorite story for me to read to you in bed before I lost my sight.”
Alastor must have seen something in her eyes to cause him to change his mind over his response. Jazz music starts to play on the radio instead, which makes Maria's eyes light up in happiness.
"May I have this dance, Mamam?" Alastor asked, bowing to her and offering his hand.
"Of course!" Maria said, grabbing Alastor's hand only for her son to pull her so she's standing on top of his shoes.
Those in the lobby watched with disbelief in their eyes, but their hearts were feeling in warmth as they watched Alastor dance with his mother to distract her from the pain of becoming a fallen angel.