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but it’ll never be good enough, like I want to believe it is by drkr2pnt0
Fandoms: Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
08 Feb 2026
Tags
Summary
The irony—that it's Shane who once made everything bearable, and Shane who now makes even leaving unbearable—registers, but without bitterness now, without panic, not even with regret. The dichotomy swirls inside him, and he just watches it spin, as he’s done so many times.
Ilya thinks, with a strange, aching tenderness, that Shane was the first and only person to give his adult life shape and meaning. The first person who ever made him feel real. Chosen. The first and only person to see him; really see him.
It's only fitting, he thinks hazily, that you are the last.
—
Loving Shane Hollander changes Ilya Rozanov’s life.
It doesn't save it.
Series
- Part 1 of nettles
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Bookmark Notes:
Pls read
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Bookmark Notes:
I'm writing this here because I don't want it to be listed in a comment that people are likely to scroll through, but I want you to see this. I don't know how to express this is I resonated with Ilya's resignation and relief so much at the end. And I don't know why, or how, or even what is making me feel like this because my thoughts and episodes and struggles are very different. But I feel disgustingly cut open and seen. I feel so very seen. And I'm really grateful because this and one other fic are the only things that have made me feel valid in my depression. I'm os grateful and so hurt. And also fuck you for ending it like that because it is perfect and there is no conclusion or closing neat little bow thing that could have very wrapped it up properly. It oozing and bleeding and running out like a wound and I don't know what to do because I feel seen but at the same time I don't think my mental health is doing great. You are brilliant and you have helped me process things I didn't know how to before this. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
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Bookmark Notes:
Sad fic
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Beautifully written but it is really heavy ilya's pov.
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Bookmark Notes:
heartbreakingly real <3
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