Actions

Work Header

when they all say your name (you'll be theirs for a little while)

Summary:

Even as he lets their faith and admiration wrap around him, lift him up, heal him, the Doctor knows he is unworthy of it. (That doesn't make losing it any easier.)

Or; the Doctor's perspective on getting not-quite-deifed by the Angel Network.

Notes:

The most obvious way to fill a whump "God complex" prompt for the Tenth Doctor would be with the Time Lord Victorious and I usually have no compunctions about going for the low-hanging fruit when it comes to filling prompts. However, in this specific case, I already have a character study Time Lord Victorious fic in my drafts which I'm rather precious about and would need a rewatch of The Waters of Mars, a lot of brainpower and a significant amount of time to finish, which I currently do not have. So instead here's a drabble on a situation where, in a manner of speaking, it would be reasonable for the Doctor to develop a God complex, but he didn't.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Even as he lets their faith and admiration wrap around him, lift him up, heal him, the Doctor knows he is unworthy of it. The knowledge keeps him steady, while he's in the air. It keeps the pain from fading out all the way and it could, oh it could. They want to give it all to him, relief along with the power.

The Doctor suspected it might be this way, when he concocted this mad plan, when he asked Martha for so much more than should ever be asked of a person, and not for the first time. He calculated the risk, to her, to the world, and hoped she'd one day forgive him. Hoped the way he laid himself in the balance as well might be enough to redeem him, in the end.

For as long as it's necessary, the Doctor will be humanity's vessel, pretend to be their deity. Let the love, trust and gratitude he doesn't deserve and cannot keep overwhelm the empty space left behind by the disitegration of the sublime network he used to have natural place in but never warm welcome.

It would be so easy to get lost in it, to take for himself what the Master built to take advantage of but never valued enough to enjoy. So pleasant, to believe he's earnt the right to this connection, to the tendrils threading through his wounds just right to stop the bleeding. So wonderful to never again be alone. He wouldn't even have to beg.

It would be all too easy to keep the world. To play unaware of the control he's free to take, posit himself as a benevolent force. And so the Doctor must be the one to disconnect himself from the Angel Network. He knew that, all along. Knew no amount of not letting himself enjoy it would save him from the agony of losing it.

The Doctor plays his part, anyway. It's the least he could do. He drops by the Master's side, hoping the drums will keep him from exploiting his vulnerability. Praying that if they must be the same, they can stay together.

Humanity will forget this, the role the Doctor played in saving them, the way he let them down for the futile hope of his shattered hearts, the split second when the Master almost relaxed into his arms. He will remember it all, alone.

Notes:

David Tennant's acting choices in that scene fucking bit me

also me at my "losing the telepathic connection with the other Time Lords when they all died really fucked the Doctor up" bullshit once again. is anyone surprised